*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, black gargoyle shades, black t-shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers. He’s holding a glass bottle of Pepsi*
The Warlock: Welcome to my lair…..welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*He flicks his wrist and flame shoots out of his palm. Enters lair*
The Warlock: With me are our two special guests, Neyzor Blades….
*Neyzor Blades is sitting on the right side of the couch, she’s wearing black lipstick, black eyeliner, black dress, black fishnets and black leather boots. She sticks her tongue out and laughs evilly*
The Warlock: And Lady T…
*Lady T is wearing a red satin dress, black dress shoes and is sitting in the recliner*
Lady T: HELLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The Warlock: Thanks for blowing out my eardrums. Anyway, today’s viewing is something T and Neyz picked, a drag movie called FIRST PERIOD. What’s it about? Let Lady T explain.
*Lady T gets up and leans over so her cleavage spills out*
T: This movie is about two girls in high school, they just happened to be played by men.
W: Thank you for the unnecessary cleavage shot*
T: You’re welcome.
*T sits back down*
W: So two men are going to playing girls. Apparently both girls are new to high school and are trying to fit in. Let’s see how this turns out as we begin FIRST PERIOD
Written by Brandon Alexander 3rd
Directed by Charlie Vaughn
Cast:
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
W: “New girl Cassie (Brandon Alexander III) and outcast Maggie (Dudley Beene) are easily the most awkward girls in high school. Together, they decide the way to win the hearts of the cute boys”
T: I gotta fart
*she farts*
W: That was completely unnecessary but a lot of fun to watch.
*Lady T reads the subtitles*
The Warlock: Alright alright I didn’t ask for a running commentary.
*Cassie introduces herself and says “You’re welcome”*
The Warlock: Neyz don’t touch that midget, you don’t know where its been!
Neyz sings: “BUENOS NOCHESSSSSS”
Lady T: ALFREDDDD!!!!
*Opening montage*
Lady T: This guy is a whackoff!
*Lady T reads the subtitles again*
The Warlock: Alright Dr. Onigeggitygeggitybaba!
*Maggie is being used as a coat rack*
The Warlock: That jacket makes Ricky Martin cry.
*The popular people hate Maggie including the teacher*
The Warlock: Inspector Gageto
*Dirk laughs*
Neyz: Hey look its you, Warlock
The Warlock:…..Hardly
*Maggie cries*
Neyz: Ewwww he looks like a fish!
W: She…..sorta.
*Maggie and Cassie talk*
Neyz: Undle burro, undle!
*Teacher plays a video*
The Warlock: Someone just smacked your ass T
Lady: Thank you sir may I have another!
*Cassie goes on a rant*
The Warlock: Sad is he looks better in drag than some actual women I know.
*Video plays*
The Warlock: I need to speak French while wearing a turban.
*A goofy looking Dracula appears in the video*
Lady T: I just snafued my underpantalonies
The Warlock: Really did not need to hear that.
*Warlock looks confused*
The Warlock: Um, there’s a turtle with a derby hat on.
Neyz: This is bothering my foot.
T: Where is the turtle?
W: I may have imagined it
*Cassie starts daydreaming*
Neyz: Is this cool or is it dumb?
The Warlock: TELEMUNDO!!!!
*Cassie daydreams the boys at school all professing their love for her*
W: Imagine dreaming this kind of thing.
*Dracula from the video is in line with the rest of the boys. Cassie “Hey Dracula”
W: Hahahahahhaa.
*Lady T takes a sip of wine*
Lady T: All’s well that ends well
The Warlock: Is it finally over?
*randomly*
The Warlock: PELIGROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Lady T: I gotta fart
W: Again?
Neyz: Will you two STAAAAAAAAP it???
*An hour later the credits roll*
Warlock and T: WE MADE IT!
Neyz: So I take it you didn’t like it?
T: I guess it was funny.
Neyz: What if it was in Spanish?
Warlock: Espagnol? EsBUNGHOLE!!
T: Yes! TP for my bunghole!
Neyz: Will you stop!!!??? I’m gonna have you two taken out of here!
Warlock: Its my lair, can’t throw me out.
*The Warlock flicks his wrist and the tv turns off*
Lady T: Fruit salad….its yummy yummy!
Neyzor Blades Asssessment: It was okay 5 out of 10
Lady T’s assessment: I loved it, 7 out of 10
The Warlock’s Assessment: I thought it was an interesting concept with a few good jokes thrown in, 6 out of 10
Final Grade: 6 out of 10 – Good
*Warlock rises from the couch*
The Warlock: Well that about wraps up First Period, guess we’re too sober to enjoy it.
*T sips her wine glass*
Lady T: Speak for yourself there buckaroo!
The Warlock: Have a pleasant evening.