*The Warlock is already in his lair wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Pepsi*
W: Welcome to The Lair for another edition of Warlock’s Movie Realm. Tonight is going to be short and sweet but for an unfortunate reason. Tonight’s movie has unfortunately been lost to time, it was supposed to be the 1927 drama THE WAY OF ALL FLESH. What’s a “lost movie”? Up until the 1950’s, movies were made on nitrate film which was very fragile. Black and white silent movies were deemed worthless and were incinerated to salvage scrap silver or to make room for new movies since the big cannisters took up a lot of room back then. Hundreds of movies were lost including all but 6 minutes of THE WAY OF ALL FLESH.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
W: So what WAS this movie about? Emil Jannings is a victim of a bank robbery where his identity is stolen. Everyone then thinks he was killed in the attack. Unfortunately only 6 minutes remain so at least this will be a quick watchalong. You won’t even have time to grab popcorn, a drink or a woman while watching six minutes of THE WAY OF ALL FLESH.
Written by Perley Poore Sheehan, Lajos Biro and Jules Furthman
*The Warlock is already in the lair wearing a black t-shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers along with gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Barq’s Root Beer*
W: Welcome to The Lair for another edition of Warlock’s Movie Realm. Tonight’s movie was actually something I considered years ago. Tonight’s movie is the 1925 silent drama STELLA DALLAS. Why am I doing this now? Get this, back in 1928 when the first Oscar’s ceremony was about to happen, what we now know as Best Picture was called Most Outstanding Picture. The major domos goofed by nominating movies that had come out years earlier, including STELLA DALLAS. Thankfully, they corrected their mistake before the ceremony and Wings ended up winning. But what about STELLA DALLAS made it so popular it was nominated for Most Outstanding Picture three years later?
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
W: Apparently this is a story of a married couple that gets divorced because they’re just not compatible. Years later, the mother can’t afford to take care of the daughter and sends the daughter to live with the father. That’s all I know about this movie apart from it also has a 16 year old Douglas Fairbanks Jr, the son of The Academy head honcho Douglas Fairbanks. So, will this be good? If its not, its an hour and 50 minutes long and its a silent movie, so pray for me. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for STELLA DALLAS.
Written by Frances Marion and Olive Higgins Prouty
W: “Small-town girl Stella marries socialite Stephen Dallas, a man with whom she has nothing in common. The whole thing is a failure; after the birth of their daughter Laurel, the Dallases separate and Stephen returns to New York.”
*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, LA Knight t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Dr. Pepper*
W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock levitates before walking inside*
W: Welcome to The Lair for another edition of Warlock’s Movie Realm we should have done almost nine years ago. Tonight, Mr. America and I are going to be catching a James Bond movie? Which one? The 1965 action drama THUNDERBALL!
*Mr. America is in the recliner wearing white cammo fatigues, vest and hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades*
A: I don’t remember this one that much.
W: Plot wise, I forgot. I haven’t seen this since high school. I just know that S.P.E.C.T.R.E is back and Bond has Claudine Auger on his mind. Something to do with nuclear war missiles. Either way its James Bond so at least it’ll be entertaining. I do know some fun facts about the movie, this was originally supposed to be the first James Bond feature film back in 1961 but Ian Fleming’s collaborators Kevin McClory and Jack Whittingham sued him for the movie rights to the novel. When the lawsuit was settled, not only did Kevin McClory win the producer’s role, he got to adapt it his own way in 1983 with Never Say Never Again. In case you were wondering why Never Say Never was a Thunderball remake, that’s why.
A: Ohhhhh yeah, I was wondering why that was.
W: As for this movie, I doubt it will be as good as Dr. No or Goldfinger but we’ll see. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for THUNDERBALL.
Written by Ian Fleming, Jack Whittingham, John Hopkins, Kevin McClory and Richard Maibaum
*The Warlock opens the door to his lair, he’s wearing a black leather jacket, black tshirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and Gargoyle shades. He’s holding a mega pint of Barq’s Root Beer*
W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock shoots fire into the sky and walks inside*
W: Tonight on Warlock’s Movie Realm is a movie Neyzor Blades recommended. Not only that, the late great Emer Prevost mentioned he also was a fan of this movie. I’m talking about the 1991 dark comedy WHAT ABOUT BOB?
*Neyz is in the recliner wearing standard attire*
N: Yeah, its actually good.
W: That’s what I’ve heard. The story is a neurotic weirdo played by Bill Murray follows and harrasses his psychiatric doctor played by Richard Dreyfuss around on Richard’s vacation. From what I’ve heard, Bill was such a pain in the ass during filming that Richard hates him to this day for real. The good news is its got great leading actors. its directed by Frank Oz and its only an hour and 40 minutes long. I doubt its going to suck but at least it will be short if it does. If Neyz likes it then it must be good, the only way to find out is to watch it. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for WHAT ABOUT BOB?
Written by Alvin Sargent, Laura Ziskin and Tom Schulman
N: “A successful psychotherapist loses his mind after one of his most dependent patients, an obsessive-compulsive neurotic, tracks him down during his family vacation.”
*The Warlock is just off of Hell’s Highway standing up against a rock with Lucinda in his arms*
L: Why do you continue to play with fire?
*Warlock flicks his wrist and fire appears*
L: That’s not what I meant.
*Warlock smirks and closes his hand*
W: Seeing you again made me miss you. Besides, you’re the one who asked if I was back.
L: I see you’ve been settling unfinished business.
W: How’d you know?
L: You finished the John Wick series, finally got around to seeing the two Elvis movies you wanted to when you did Viva Las Vegas, you had all those Clara Bow movies on your computer, National Treasure 2 and Daddy Long Legs.
W: Actually Daddy Long Legs was on a whim.
L: If you say so, but you still have more.
W: How do you know?
L: I’ve been following you all along, don’t think I know things? Here, let me give you a hint.
*Lucinda whispers in Warlock’s ear*
W: You’re good, even I forgot about those.
L: Get to it then.
*Lucinda smacks Warlock on his ass as he walks to his 1958 Plymouth Fury. He hops in and drives all the way to The Grand Wizard’s Palace. He walks in and startles The Grand Wizard*
Wi: You could have called to let me know you were coming.
Wa: Sorry, sorry, anyway I have something good to watch.
Wi: What?
*Warlock turns to the camera*
Wa: Welcome to my father’s Palace for some more unfinished business here at Warlock’s Movie Realm. All the way back in November and December 2015, Neyzor Blades and I did the first two James Bond movies Dr. No and From Russia With Love. I wanted to continue with James Bond movies but unfortunately we never got around to them. Well tonight Neyzor Blades isn’t here but my father is taking her place as we watch the third film in the franchise, my personal favorite, the 1964 spy thriller GOLDFINGER.
Wi: Oh wow, you weren’t kidding.
W: 8 years have passed since I’ve seen from Russia With Love and some good Bond movies have come out since then so we have a lot of catching up to do. I’m not going to see them all with just one person so you’ll see others pop up here and there. Anyway, what’s GOLDFINGER about? Arguably the most famous Bond movie pits James Bond against the greedy, gold loving Auric Goldfinger played by Gert Frobe and voiced by Michael Collins. The German born Frobe didn’t speak English very well so they just overdubbed his voice. We got Sean Connery as well as some of the hottest women of the 1960’s in Honor Blackman and Shirley Eaton, plus one of the most iconic roles played by Harold Sakata. I already know this is going to be awesome so let’s get right to it. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for GOLDFINGER.
Written by Ian Fleming, Paul Dehn and Richard Maibaum
*The Warlock is already in The Base along with Mr. America dressed as Elvis Presley. America is in his computer chair and Warlock is in the recliner*
W: Welcome back to The Base for another movie starring Elvis Presley. Last time we looked at the first movie he was featured in. Now we’re taking a look at the second one where he’s in a larger role. That movie is the 1957 musical drama LOVING YOU. What’s this one about? A delivery man is discovered by a music publicist and a country singer and might be the next big star. Kind of sounds like the real Elvis story a little bit. Let’s see if he can play essentially himself……yes of course I’m being sarcastic. I don’t know if the movie will be good or not and its 1 hour and 41 minutes long. Here goes nothing, so grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for LOVING YOU.
Written by Mary Agnes Thompson, Herbert Baker and Hal Kanter
*The Warlock is on a Skype call with Mr. Wallstreet*
Wall: I heard you and Mr. America need a double feature for the weekend.
War: You heard right.
Wall: I’ll send you one.
War: What is it?
Wall: A treat for Mr. America, the first two movies Elvis Presley was in.
War: What??? I’m still not over the Oscar’s last year.
Wall: Well you better get over it because these are the real Elvis’ movies.
War: Fine.
<PRESENT DAY>
*The Warlock walks in the door of The Base and Mr. America is dressed as Elvis Presley*
W: I see you’re ready for today’s movie.
A: When you told me what it was, did you think I wouldn’t be?
W: Good point.
*America takes his seat in the computer chair. Warlock takes his seat in the recliner*
W: Welcome to The Base for a special edition of Warlock’s Movie Realm. Years ago Mr. America and I watched Viva Las Vegas and now we take a look at the first two movies Elvis Presley was in.
A: Yes!
W: Up first was his first movie from back in 1956. Elvis had just become a national name in the summer of 1956 and was making waves on The Ed Sullivan Show. The movie we’re about to watch was originally called The Reno Brothers, but they changed the title when Elvis’ record hit number one right around the time of filming. So now the movie is called LOVE ME TENDER.
A: What’s it about?
W: Get this, three brothers in the Civil War rob a train but are left behind with the feds chasing him. What does this have to do with Elvis? He’s one of the brothers. How is Elvis going to sing and dance in the Civil War era? We’re about to find out. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for LOVE ME TENDER.
A: “At the end of the Civil War, a Confederate team is ordered to rob a Union payroll train but the war ends leaving these men with their Union loot, until the Feds come looking for it.”
The Warlock: Well there’s only one thing left to do.
Mr. America: And what’s that.
W: Cause some….Carnage
*Warlocks eyes flash and transforms into Carnage*
C: Hahaha now everyone will feel my wrath.
A: I don’t think so!
C: And what are you going to do?
*America’s eyes flash white and transforms into Venom*
V: Fuck you Carnage!
*Venom and Carnage brawl in the lair until they hit the cd player by accident. The Mob Rules pick up as Carnage and Venom both scream out. The symbiotes leave their host and exit The Lair. Warlock and America look up*
A: Awwww man, I was having fun kicking your ass.
W: You wish….now get outta here before I give ya a slap!
<Present Day>
*Mr. America stands in front of his CD player with Neyzor Blades on her phone on the couch when The Warlock walks in>
W: I got your text, what’s up?
A: We got unfinished business.
W: Oh now YOU have unfinished business? Like the S.O.F. Project wasn’t enough?
A: No, this is different.
W: Then what are you talking about?
*Mr. America’s eyes flash white*
W: Oh……..I was wondering when we’d get to finish this.
*Warlock’s eyes flash red*
N: What the hell was that?
Warlock & America together in their symbiote voices: NEYZ LEAVE.
*Neyz gets up*
N: Woah, fine.
*Neyz leaves The Base as America takes his seat in his computer chair. The Warlock is in the recliner looking at the camera*
W: Welcome to The Base…..welcome I don’t thinks so, but enter. Enter The Base if you dare, I’m your host The Warlock. Tonight Mr. America and I have some unfinished business. 5 years ago we covered Venom for this series but due to Covid and other business we never got around to doing the sequel. Tonight we fix that as our movie is the 2021 action comic book thriller VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE.
A: Yes!
W: If you’ve never heard, Marvel Comics created the symbiote Venom to take control of reporter Eddie Brock first to be a Spiderman villain only to turn him face and give him his own series. Marvel needed another villain so they came up with Carnage, another symbiote only this one took control of serial killer Kletus Kassidy. The super series Maximum Carnage was an epic series featuring Marvel villains and heroes teaming up to fight each other with Spiderman, Venom and Carnage right in the middle. Well as we all know, the MCU Venom has no Spiderman so its just Venom in this one. How are they going to incorporate Carnage without Spiderman? That’s what we’re going to find out. The good news is it stars Woody Harrelson as Carnage and Naomie Harris as Shriek, so the acting should be great. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for VENOM: LET THERE BE CARNAGE.
A: “Eddie Brock attempts to reignite his career by interviewing serial killer Cletus Kasady, who becomes the host of the symbiote Carnage and escapes prison after a failed execution.”
W: It…
A: Failed!
<After the movie>
W: Well that was good.
A: Yes it was.
W: Shall we?
A: Thought you’d never ask.
*Warlock’s eyes flash red and he turns into Carnage. America’s eyes turn white and he transforms into Venom*
C: LET’S RUMBLE.
*Carnage and Venom brawl out of The Base into the streets where Neyz walks up with black hair and face paint*
Venom: What the hell?
*Neyz wails and Venom holds his ears*
V: Shriek? Really? Fine!
*Venom double clotheslines Shriek and Carnage but they get back and double team Venom. All of a sudden webs pin Carnage down. The three look up and see Spiderman swinging down*
C: What the hell?
V: Looks like I’ve got backup.
*Spiderman lifts his mask, its Mr. Wallstreet*
Wall: Yes Ameri…..err Venom.
*Spiderman dropkicks Shriek and the four brawl until an explosion hits. All of a sudden Thug D shows up looking rotted*
V: Now what?
C: Nice of you to join us, Carrion.
*Carrion attacks Venom and Spiderman as well, backing the two up. Suddenly someone hops a fence and stands in front of them, its Bruceman as a vampire*
Morbius: Need some help?
Venom: Hell yeah.
*Carnage stops*
C: Wait…..
*Carnage pulls out a phone and plays The Mob Rules by Black Sabbath*
C: MAXIMUM CARNAGE!
*The six of them brawl all the way down the street*
*The Warlock is standing next to his car just off the road of Hell’s Highway with Lucinda standing next to him*
L: So, how did you like Rock: Its Your Decision?
W: One of the dumbest things I’ve ever seen. The whole message was you can’t be a Christian if you listen to rock music when they tried to make the kids out to be as normal as possible. Like there was nothing wrong with any of the characters, that’s not how you do a propaganda film. Make it edgy, make the devil show up, do something!
L: What if I tell you there’s another Christian movie where “the devil” really does show up?
W: Lou must have loved that.
L: Have you ever heard of….C Me Dance?
W: Why yes, the late Emer Prevost saw both Rock and C Me Dance and said C Me Dance was far more offensive.
L: You should watch that next. I guarantee you’ll hate it.
W: Rock made me want to pull my hair out, I can’t wait to see what this is like.
L: See you later.
*Warlock drives home to The Lair and Neyzor Blades is already in the recliner wearing standard attire*
N: Where have you been?
W: I got another Christian movie for us to laugh at.
N: Oh god, another one? Wasn’t the rock music one bad enough?
W: Yes, but this one is far worse according to Emer.
N: What is it?
*Warlock turns to the camera*
W: Welcome back to Warlock’s Movie Realm for a special occasion. Recently Neyzor Blades and I took a look at a Christian propaganda movie called Rock: Its Your Decision where a kid became a born again Christian and sent a message you couldn’t be Christian while listening to rock music.
N: Which is seriously stupid.
W: Agreed, but there’s another movie that’s even worse. Tonight’s movie is the 2009 Christian propaganda movie C ME DANCE.
N: What?
W: Now unlike a lot of movies on here where I go in blind, I know the entire plot to this movie thanks to the late, great Emer Prevost. I’m not going to spoil too much apart from the guy who wrote and directed this is also starring in it, the devil is played by noted 80’s stuntman and actor Peter Kent and the main character develops a superpower to brainwash people.
N: Into what?
W: That’s what I’m not going to spoil. But let’s just say this is going to be far more offensive than Rock: Its Your Decision. There’s not enough votes on IMDB to make it into the Bottom 100 but to show how bad it is, its rated just 1.4 on there. That’s REALLY bad. We may be heading into Dead Clowns territory with this one. This could possibly be the worst movie of all time. Let’s find out if it is. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for C ME DANCE.
*The graphic T-H-E-W-A-R-L-O-C-K scrolls by to the Rocky theme as The Warlock sprints down the street. He’s wearing a New England Patriots Superbowl 49 Champions hat, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He runs up his steps and into the lair and raises his arms*
W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock throws a couple of left jabs and a right hook before walking inside*
W: Welcome to a special night here at Warlock’s Movie Realm. As you all know, we’ve covered every single Rocky and Creed movie going all the way back to the first……except one. Last year I was supposed to see tonight’s movie in theaters but I actually didn’t. For the first time ever I’m going into one of these blind. Tonight’s movie is the 2023 action drama CREED 3.
*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*
N: They made another one?
W: Yup, I just missed it when it was in theaters. But not tonight! So what’s CREED 3 about? Donny Creed is the heavyweight champ living life as a husband and a father but an old friend from the past comes back and challenges him not only to a fight but life as well. Now there is a sad note, Sylvester Stallone is NOT in the movie thus ending his affiliation with the Rocky/Creed franchise. However, Michael B Jordan himself is in the director’s chair so anything that happens here on in is up to him. Unless they want to utilize Clubber Lang’s grandson in a potential Creed 4, this might be the end of the franchises after nearly 50 years.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
W: Like I said, I’m going into this completely blind so I have no idea what to expect. Let’s see how they pull this off without Stallone. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for CREED 3.
N: “Adonis has been thriving in both his career and family life, but when a childhood friend and former boxing prodigy resurfaces, the face-off is more than just a fight.”
W: I know it won’t be, but it would be hilarious if its Clubber Lang’s son.
Warlock's Movie Realm 