*When we last left off The Warlock had watched Elvis with Mr. America and The Whale with Neyzor Blades. Neyz was about to leave and go to bed when Warlock stopped her*
N: I’m going to bed.
W: You’re not going anywhere, there’s still one more operation to go.
N: What are you talking about.
W: The reason I came back in the middle of July to finish off this unfinished business four months after the Oscar’s. I watched Elvis and now I’m going to watch the movie that beat it out for Best Picture.
N: Its about time.
W: That’s right. Tonight’s movie is the 2022 insane drama EVERYTHING, EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE. This movie almost completely swept the Oscar’s back in March. Michelle Yeoh won Best Actress, Stephanie Hsu was nominated for Best Supporting Actress, Ke Huy Quan won Best Supporting Actor, Jamie Lee Curtis won Best Supporting Actress, Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert both were credited for Best Screenplay and Best Director while the movie won Best Editing. It was also nominated for Best Original Score, Best Original Song and Best Costume Design.
N: That’s a lot.
W: Indeed. So now its time to walk the fucking walk. EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE beat out All Quiet On The Western Front, Avatar: Way of the Water, The Banshees of Inisherin, Elvis, The Fabelmans, Tar, Top Gun: Maverick, Triangle Of Sadness and Women Talking for Best Picture. If I’m reading that right, that means Elvis came in 5th place.
N: Will you stop with Elvis?
W: Oh I will. Now its time to find out if this movie is better. I’ve been stewing about it for months and hopefully this movie blows my mind. Otherwise I’m gonna be mad. Its got a great cast so lets see what the hype is about. Grab your popcon, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE.
Written and Directed by Daniel Kwan and Daniel Scheinert
N: “A middle-aged Chinese immigrant is swept up into an insane adventure in which she alone can save existence by exploring other universes and connecting with the lives she could have led.
W: Oh lord……
*Warlock rises from the couch*
W: Well……this movie turned out to be better than Elvis after all. What do I know then? Well, now I know….and I quit.
*When we last left off, The Warlock had watched Elvis with Mr. America and raced home to be with Neyzor Blades. He’s taking off his jacket as Neyz is in the recliner*
N: Its been four months and NOW you want to watch a movie.
W: Ohhhh yeah.
N: I thought you quit.
W: I did, but I have some unfinished business, as in tonight’s movie.
N: What are we watching?
*Warlock looks at the camera with fire in his eyes*
W: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock does nothing*
W: Tonight on Warlock’s Movie Realm we’re going to take a look at a movie that has Oscars implications. Earlier this year Austin Butler did NOT win Best Actor for Elvis. The honor of Best Actor went to Brendan Fraser for tonight’s movie.
N: Wait…you mean….
W: That’s right, tonight we will be watching the 2022 drama THE WHALE. If you haven’t heard, Brendan plays a morbidly obese English teacher that wants to see his estranged daughter but not in the shape he’s in. I don’t know what else the movie is about apart from Fraser wanting to see his daughter. The movie was nominated for 3 Oscars and won two. Fraser won Best Actor, Hong Chau was nominated for Best Supporting Actress and the movie won Best Makeup….also over Elvis.
N: Oh get over it.
W: No! Anyway, Fraser won Best Actor over Austin Butler for his role in this movie so now we’re going to find out if he deserved it. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for THE WHALE.
*The Warlock, Mr. America and Neyzor Blades are in The Lair watching The Oscar’s ceremony. Warlock is on the right side of the couch, Mr. America on the left with Neyz in the recliner*
W: Alright, here we go. We got this.
N: You don’t have anything, you’re not involved in this.
W: Sorry I’m invested in this. We want Austin Butler to win Best Actor and Elvis to win Best Picture.
A: Yeah, Elvis! Elvis! Elvis!
N: You two are fools, but whatever makes you happy.
W: Shhh, shhh, shhh, quiet! They’re announcing Best Actor*
TV: And the winner is…….Brenadan Fraser for The Whale!
*America and Warlock slink back on the couch*
A: Dammit.
N: Awwwww, I love Fraser. I bet he deserved it.
W: Yeah…..yeah….I’m not that mad. Brendan Fraser rules so I’m not that upset, still, feel bad for Butler.
A: Its okay, we still got Best Picture.
*Later on*
W: I’m getting nervous. That Everywhere movie swept almost every category.
A: Its okay, Elvis! Elvis! Elvis!
N: Don’t be surprised if it doesn’t win.
W: Okay, here we go.
TV: And the winner of Best Picture is……Everything, Everywhere, All At Once
*Warlock and America again slink back, Neyz stars giggling*
N: Hahaha, sorry you guys but the fact you got so swept up in this only to lose is funny.
A: Its not funny….Elvis should have won.
*America and Neyz continue to talk back and forth but Warlock sits motionless against the couch*
A: But I’m not gonna bitch about Brendan Fraser, you guys are right, he rocks. Michelle Yeoh deserved Best Actress too.
N: Who’s Ke Huy Quan again?
A: Data from The Goonies and Short Round from Temple of Doom.
N: Oh yeah.
A: Jamie Lee Curtis over Angela Bassett was a choice.
N: I like Jamie Lee. What do you think Warlock?
*Warlock doesn’t say anything*
A: He hasn’t moved in like five minutes.
N: Hello, anybody home?
*America waves his face in front of him*
A: You okay? Its not the end of the world.
*Warlock slowly rises from the couch and says softly*
W: I quit.
*Warlock goes into his bedroom and shuts the door*
A: Sheesh, its not that deep.
N: I know, I’ll deal with him later.
*4 MONTHS LATER*
*Warlock and America are in The Base just chilling when America says*
A: So what are we watching for our anniversary special?
W: What are you talking about?
A: Its our 8th anniversary special of Warlock’s Movie Realm, what are we watching?
W: I told you months ago, I quit. I’ve had enough of this garbage.
A: Oh get over it, remember how mad you were when Parasite beat Joker, these things happen.
W: Yeah, and I’ve had it. My cousin never got over Ed Norton beating Michael Corleone for Best Actor, this is going to haunt me.
A: You’re going to quit over that?
*Warlock thinks for a second*
W: You know what, yes, I am going to quit. But I want some closure first.
A: What do you mean?
*Warlock flicks his wrist and the TV turns on*
W: If this is the end ol boy, I may as well go out with a bang. We ARE going to have an anniversary special.
A: Okay, what are we watching.
W: ELVIS.
A: Wait, really?
*Warlock turns to the camera*
W: Welcome to The Base for our 8th Anniversary Special. Tonight we are taking a look at a movie that was ROBBED of Best Picture this year. We are going to be watching the 3 hour biopic of ELVIS.
A: Can’t go wrong with that.
W: ELVIS was nominated for 8 Oscars and didn’t win any of them. Best Actor, Best Editing, Best Costume, Best Sound, Best Makeup, Best Cinematography, Best Production Design and Best Picture. Austin Butler lost out to Brendan Fraser on Best Actor and Elvis lost Best Picture to Everything, Everywhere, All at Once.
A: You’re still not over that?
W: Oh I’m just getting started, but the others can wait for now? What is ELVIS about? Its the story of Elvis Pressley told through the eyes of Colonel Tom Parker played brilliantly by Tom Hanks. He goes from a shy, unassuming kid that loved to perform “black” music into a cultural icon. Along the way are the trials and tribulations that come with fame and fortune with Colonel Parker lurking in the background.
A: Yeah he was a rat.
W: Amen to that. So, this movie was nominated for Best Picture so that shows you how well it was received when it came out last year. I already know this is going to be epic so I can’t wait to watch it again. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for ELVIS.
Written by Baz Luhrmann
Directed by Baz Luhrmann, Sam Bromell and Craig Pierce
A: “The life of American music icon Elvis Presley, from his childhood to becoming a rock and movie star in the 1950s while maintaining a complex relationship with his manager, Colonel Tom Parker.”
W: What a ratfink Parker turned out to be
*After the review is over*
W: Now if you’ll excuse me, I have unfinished business to attend.
A: What do you mean?
W: Let’s just say, its go time. We’re going to find out if the other movies are worthy of their praise.
A: What other movies?
W: Don’t worry about it. Let’s just say I got two movies to watch and then I quit.
*Warlock leaves The Base and drives back to The Lair. He walks in the door and Neyzor Blades is in the recliner*
N: Oh hey, how’s Mr. America doing?
W: He’s fine, but you and I have a date tonight. A movie, but not just any movie.
N: You haven’t watched a movie in months, NOW you want to do one?
Warlock's Movie Realm 