675. Lincoln (2012)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair, he’s wearing a Boston Bruins #1 jersey, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Barq’s Root Beer*

W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock shoots fire into the sky and walks inside*

W: Today is a holiday of sorts in the United States, its February 12th which means its Lincoln’s birthday. Who’s Lincoln you ask? We’re going to find out alllllll about him.

*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*

N: The President of the United States, Abe Lincoln.

W: Yes, that one.

N: Oh no, we’re not watching the vampire movie are we?

W: No no no, I’ve already seen that. No, we’re doing the movie I was supposed to watch with you and your dad years ago.

N: Which one?

W: Tonight’s movie will be the 2012 two and a half hour biopic LINCOLN starring Best Actor winner Daniel Day Lewis. Rather than tell his life story, this will be about the trials and tribulations the president went through as the Civil War went on. A war he started by the way.

N: How?

W: I’ll explain later. LINCOLN actually was nominated for Best Picture and I think Lewis won Best Actor for this role. The movie should be damn good especially with Steven Spielberg directing it. Although it might be boring, the only way to find out is to actually watch it. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for LINCOLN.

Written by Doris Kearns Goodwin and Tony Kushner

Directed by Steven Spielberg

Cast:

Daniel Day-LewisAbraham Lincoln
Sally FieldMary Todd Lincoln
David StrathairnWilliam Seward
Joseph Gordon-LevittRobert Lincoln
James SpaderW.N. Bilbo
Hal HolbrookPreston Blair
Tommy Lee JonesThaddeus Stevens
John HawkesRobert Latham
Jackie Earle HaleyAlexander Stephens
Bruce McGillEdwin Stanton
Tim Blake NelsonRichard Schell
Joseph CrossJohn Hay
Jared HarrisUlysses S. Grant
Lee PaceFernando Wood
Peter McRobbieGeorge Pendleton
Gulliver McGrathTad Lincoln
Gloria ReubenElizabeth Keckley
Jeremy StrongJohn Nicolay
Michael StuhlbargGeorge Yeaman
Boris McGiverAlexander Coffroth
David CostabileJames Ashley
Stephen SpinellaAsa Vintner Litton
Walton GogginsClay Hawkins
David WarshofskyWilliam Hutton
Colman DomingoPrivate Harold Green
David OyelowoCorporal Ira Clark
Lukas HaasFirst White Soldier
Dane DeHaanSecond White Soldier (as Dane Dehaan)
Carlos ThompsonNavy Yard – Shouting Soldier
Bill CampMr. Jolly
Elizabeth MarvelMrs. Jolly
Byron JenningsMontgomery Blair
Julie WhiteElizabeth Blair Lee
Charmaine WhiteMinerva – Blair’s Servant (as Charmaine Crowell-White)
Ralph D. EdlowLeo – Blair’s Servant
Grainger HinesGideon Welles
Richard TopolJames Speed
Walt SmithWilliam Fessenden
Dakin MatthewsJohn Usher
James ‘Ike’ EichlingWilliam Dennison (as James Ike Eichling)
Wayne DuvallSenator Bluff Wade
Bill RaymondSchuyler Colfax
Michael Stanton KennedyHiram Price
Ford FlannaganWhite House Doorkeeper – Tom Pendel
Robert AyersWhite House Petitioner (as Bob Ayers)
Robert PetersJacob Graylor
John MoonEdwin LeClerk
Kevin Lawrence O’DonnellCharles Hanson
Jamie HortonGiles Stuart
Joe DellingerNelson Merrick (as Joseph Dellinger)
Richard WarnerHomer Benson
Elijah ChesterUnion Army Officer
Dave HagerCaptain Nathan Saunders – River Queen
Sean HaggertyOfficer in Peace Commissioners Exchange
Mike ShiflettSenator R.M.T. Hunter (as Michael Shiflett)
Gregory ItzinJudge John A. Campbell
Stephen DunnPetersburg Siege Lines – Confederate Officer
Stephen McKinley HendersonWilliam Slade
Chase EdmundsWillie Lincoln
John HuttonSenator Charles Sumner
Robert RuffinMajor Thompson Eckert
Drew SeaseDavid Homer Bates
John LescaultGustavus Fox
Scott WichmannCharles Benjamin
Adam DriverSamuel Beckwith
Jean Kennedy SmithHouse of Representatives – Woman Shouter (as Ambassador Jean Kennedy Smith)
Shirley AugustineHouse of Representatives – Woman Shouter
Sarah WylieHouse of Representatives – Woman Shouter
Margaret Ann McGowanHouse of Representatives – Woman Shouter
Hilary MontgomeryHouse of Representatives – Woman Shouter
Asa-Luke TwocrowEly Parker
Lancer Dean ShullUnion Soldier – Bodyguard (as Lancer Shull)
Robert WilharmWounded Soldier
Kevin KlineWounded Soldier
John JonesWounded Soldier (as Sgt. John Jones)
Paul GowansWounded Soldier
Joseph MillerWounded Soldier
John BellemerFaust
Mary DunleavyMarguerite
Christopher Evan WelchClerk – Edward McPherson
Alan SaderSergeant At Arms
Gannon McHaleAaron Haddam
Ken LambertAugustus Benjamin
Thomas K. BelgreyArthur Bentleigh (as Tom Belgrey)
Ted JohnsonJohn Ellis
Don Henderson BakerWalter Appleton
Raynor ScheineJosiah S. ‘Beanpole’ Burton
Armistead WellfordNehemiah Cleary (as Armistead Nelson Wellford)
Michael RuffHarold Hollister
Rich WillsHouse of Representatives – Soldier One
Stephen BozzoHouse of Representatives – Soldier Two
Christopher Alan StewartSergeant – Grant’s HQ
Teddy EckCorporal – Grant’s HQ
Todd FletcherWalter H. Washburn
Charles KinneyMyer Strauss
Joseph CarlsonJoseph Marstern
Michael GoodwinChilton A. Elliot
Edward McDonaldDaniel G. Stuart
Jim BatchelderHoward Guillefoyle (as James Batchelder)
Gregory HosaflookJohn F. McKenzie
Joe KerkesAndrew E. Finck
William KaffenbergerJohn A. Casson
Larry Van HooseAvon Hanready
C. Brandon MarshallRufus Warren
David Russell GrahamHouse of Representatives – Rebel Shouter (as David Graham)
Benjamin ShirleyHouse of Representatives – Rebel Shouter
Henry KiddHouse of Representatives – Rebel Shouter
Joseph Frances FilipowskiHouse of Representatives – Rebel Shouter
Thomas AldridgeHouse of Representatives (as Tom Aldridge)
Sidney Blackmer Jr.House of Representatives (as Sidney Blackmer)
Billy CaldwellHouse of Representatives
Glenn T. CroneHouse of Representatives (as Glenn Crone)
Martin DewHouse of Representatives
Theodore EwaldHouse of Representatives
Todd HunterHouse of Representatives
Joe InscoeHouse of Representatives
Raymond H. JohnsonHouse of Representatives (as Raymond Johnson)
Gary KeenerHouse of Representatives
Randolph MeekinsHouse of Representatives
Frank MoranHouse of Representatives
Charley MorganHouse of Representatives
Chad PettitHouse of Representatives
Barry PrivettHouse of Representatives
Leslie RogersHouse of Representatives
Marcello RollandoHouse of Representatives
Keith TyreeHouse of Representatives
Kevin J. WalshHouse of Representatives
Robert WrayHouse of Representatives
S. Epatha MerkersonLydia Smith
Christopher BoyerGeneral Robert E. Lee
Stephen DunfordActor Swordsman
David DoerschActor Demon Affrit
Christopher CartmillLeonard Grover
Robert ShepherdDr. Joseph K. Barnes
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Misan AkuyaUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Sheree AliWoman Shouter (uncredited)
Randy AllenViolinist (uncredited)
Ryan AndrewsUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Aaron AngusUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Walker BabingtonConfederate Soldier (uncredited)
Nico BarnesSoldier (uncredited)
Logan BennettRepublican Representative (uncredited)
Nathan BieriPage Boy (uncredited)
Corey BoothDrunk Confederate Soldier (uncredited)
Garman Bowers Jr.Marine Band Musician (uncredited)
Jacob BrankleyDemocrat Senator (uncredited)
Ryland BreedingU.S. Congressman (uncredited)
Benjamin M. BrownConfederate Orderly Sergeant (uncredited)
Leon Addison BrownHarold Green (uncredited)
Aaron CanadaUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Paul W. CarrollRepublican Representative #21 (uncredited)
DéRome A. ChrétienUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Chris CondettiWhite House guest (uncredited)
Paul D’EliaPetitioner (uncredited)
Skye DennisUnion Soldier (uncredited)
John DeverRepublican US Representative (uncredited)
Joe DuquetteWorking Man (uncredited)
Kelsea EdgerlyTheatre Patron / White House Guest (uncredited)
Brian ElderConfederate Soldier (uncredited)
Spencer EllisUnion Solider (uncredited)
Jeff ElmoreGeneral Halleck (uncredited)
Mark ElrodMarine Band Musician (uncredited)
Mark FalvoWounded Solider (uncredited)
Dennis FarrellConfederate Soldier (uncredited)
Daniel FissmerUnion Soldier (uncredited)
David FosterRepresentative (uncredited)
Keiston FranceCivilian (uncredited)
Terry Menefee GauGrover’s Theater Patron (uncredited)
David GibbsHouse of Representatives (uncredited)
Chance GibsonUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Katherine GrayPetitioner (uncredited)
Dot GregoryBalcony Shouter (uncredited)
Israel David GrovemanUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Lucas N. HallGrover’s Theater Patron (uncredited)
Vonn HarrisContraband Man (uncredited)
Theodore L HenryUnion Cavalry Col. (uncredited)
Josh HerzogConfederate Soldier (uncredited)
Jack HokeRadical Repulican Rep (uncredited)
Bob HurleyWorkman (uncredited)
Kevin InouyeUnion Cavalry (uncredited)
Shaun IrvingGen. Grant’s Staff (uncredited)
Don JohnsonMarine Band Musician (uncredited)
Chris JohnstonMarine Band Musician (uncredited)
Johnny JonesWounded Soldier (uncredited)
Shawn Everett JonesClerk (uncredited)
James JudiceConfederate Soldier (uncredited)
Dave KearneyRadical Republican, House of Representatives (uncredited)
Stephen L. KolbRadical Republican (uncredited)
Reese LandMarine Band Musician (uncredited)
T. Alloy LangenfeldWhite House Doorman (uncredited)
Jon Michael LawrenceUnion Soldier (uncredited)
David LeehyCongressman (uncredited)
Lance LemonUnion Soldier (uncredited)
J. Emerson McGowan3rd Contraband Man (uncredited)
Stephen McKennaCourt Reporter (uncredited)
Alexander McPhersonExtra (uncredited)
Jim Meisner Jr.Radical Republican (uncredited)
William L. Moss Jr.Congressman (uncredited)
Adrian NanneyUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Robert Lucas NelsonRadical Republican (uncredited)
Joseph Patrick O’ConnellConfederate Soldier (uncredited)
Dakota OherColor Gaurd (uncredited)
Travis OliverCivilian (uncredited)
Matthew PaboPage (uncredited)
Ken PeeblesDrunk Contraband Slave (uncredited)
Melondy PhillipsGrover’s Theater Patron (uncredited)
Shane PinsonUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Laura RikardTheatre Patron / White House Guest (uncredited)
Chad RobertsAssistant Surgeon General Charles H. Crane (uncredited)
Robert RoldanJunius Brutus Booth (uncredited)
Brian SchoolsConfederate Soldier (uncredited)
Matthew SimsGeneral Brigadier Michael Morgan (uncredited)
Leigh SpoffordTheatre Patron (uncredited)
Christopher Henry StephensUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Jeffrey StockhamMarine Band Musician (uncredited)
Eric StoupaCongressman #350 (uncredited)
Stephen SziblerJournal Clerk (uncredited)
Bryan VeronneauAide to US Grant (uncredited)
Charles WestMarine Band Musician (uncredited)
William WhiteBrigadier General Rufus Ingalls (uncredited)
Lawrence WhitenerJames English (uncredited)
Ryan WickHouse of Representatives (uncredited)
Philip N. Williams5th Contraband Man (uncredited)
Skylor WilliamsUnion Soldier (uncredited)
Jim Ed WillsClerk (uncredited)
John T. WittRev. Phineas D. Gurley (uncredited)
Kazunori YamauchiJohn Wilkes Booth (uncredited)

*Neyz reads the tag-line*

N: “As the American Civil War continues to rage, America’s president struggles with continuing carnage on the battlefield as he fights with many inside his own cabinet on the decision to emancipate the slaves.”

W: Yeah, half the country was NOT happy Lincoln tried to abolish slavery without them voting on it.

674. Horns (2013)

*The Warlock is in the big chair at The Base. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, WWE Bloodline t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Pepsi*

W: Welcome to The Base..welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter The Base if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock levitates before sitting back down*

W: Tonight on Warlock’s Movie Realm, Mr. America and I are checking out a horror movie from 2013. It stars none other than Harry Potter himself, Daniel Radcliffe. He was pretty good in The Woman In Black so let’s see if he’s good in this one too.

*Mr. America is in the recliner wearing white cammo fatigues, vest and hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades*

A: Well what are we watching?

W: Today’s movie is called HORNS.

A: Horns?

W: Yes, Harry Potter grows horns.

A: Greatttttttttt.

W: So what’s the movie really about? Harry Potter’s girlfriend dies mysteriously and all of a sudden he starts growing horns. Apparently he can read minds or something, yikes, don’t tell Ron. The beauty of this story was its based off a book by Joe Hill. Otherwise known as Joseph King, the son of Stephen. Like I said earlier, this is going to be a horror story so buckle up for this one. This movie is rated 6.4 on IMDB.com so it shouldn’t suck….key word shouldn’t.

A: Knowing you, it probably will suck.

W: Its got a good cast with Daniel Radcliffe, James Remar, David Morse and Heather Graham so this could go either way. Now I will put the disclaimer that I haven’t read the book, so unlike Secret Window or other Stephen or Joe King adaptations I won’t be able to spot any discrepancies. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because it’s time for HORNS.

Daniel RadcliffeIg Perrish
Max MinghellaLee Tourneau
Joe AndersonTerry Perrish
Juno TempleMerrin Williams
Kelli GarnerGlenna Shepherd
James RemarDerrick Perrish
Kathleen QuinlanLydia Perrish
Heather GrahamVeronica
David MorseDale Williams
Michael AdamthwaiteEric Hannity
Nels LennarsonWallace Sturtz (as Nels Leonardson)
Don ThompsonAl O’Hara
Jay BrazeauFather Mould
Alex ZaharaDr. Renald
Kendra AndersonNurse Delilah
Christine WillesReceptionist
Meredith McGeachieMary, young mother
Sarah BoeyLittle Girl
PanouGolf Pro
Reese AlexanderTV Reporter
Desiree ZurowskiRadio Reporter
Marilyn NorryProtester
Nancy SivakMrs. Tourneau
Cameron McDonaldE.R. Doctor
John StewartDiner Manager
Dean WrayStan, the Barfly
Graem BeddoesUnemployed Barfly
Eric PollinsExhibitionist Barfly
Pesi DaruwallaAntique Store Owner
Ryan ClareTerry’s Bass Player
Richard MitchellTerry’s Jazz Quintet
Kieron Rhys LilloTerry’s Jazz Quintet
Tyson SullyTerry’s Jazz Quintet
Mark MuskiwTerry’s Jazz Quintet
Mitchell KummenIg Perrish at 13
Sabrina CarpenterMerrin Williams at 13
Laine MacNeilGlenna Shepherd at 13
Dylan SchmidLee Tourneau at 13
Jared Ager-FosterTerry Perrish at 15
Erik McNameeEric Hannity at 15
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Naomi Hughes-HallWaitress (uncredited)
Emma JonnzEmma (uncredited)
Gemma Bird MathesonWaitress (uncredited)
Paul OostergoParishioner (uncredited)
Harmen Van AndelEric’s Father (uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “In the aftermath of his girlfriend’s mysterious death, a young man awakens to find strange horns sprouting from his forehead.”

W: He got so mad he grew horns? Yikes.

673. Something The Lord Made (2004)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair, he’s wearing a Jared Dudley Boston College basketball jersey, gargoyle shades, blue jeans and white sneakers. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Dr. Pepper*

W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock shoots fire into the sky then walks inside*

W: Facebook videos can be a waste of time or they can lead you to something useful. One day I was bored to tears and I found a movie clip worth checking out the full movie for. That movie is the 2004 drama SOMETHING THE LORD MADE.

*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*

N: What the hell is that?

W: Long story short, its a loose adaptation of the story of the most famous black open heart surgeon.

N: When was it set?

W: I don’t know, that’s what I intend to find out. I honestly have no idea what the movie is about apart from the racism that Mos Def’s character has to overcome. Alan Rickman plays Dr. Blalock and Mos Def plays Dr. Vivien Thomas. It also has Gabrielle Union and Charles S Dutton so let’s see if it will be any good. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for SOMETHING THE LORD MADE.

Written by Peter Silverman and Robert Caswell

Directed by Joseph Sargent

Cast:

Cliff McMullenLodel Williams
Yasiin BeyVivien Thomas (as Mos Def)
Luray CooperCharles Manlove
Alan RickmanDr. Alfred Blalock
Gabrielle UnionClara Thomas
Irene ZieglerFrancis Grebel
Charles S. DuttonWilliam Thomas (as Charles Dutton)
Clayton LeBouefHarold Thomas
John EmmanuelMan at Bank
Harold J. Abell Sr.Man #1
Michael E. RussellBank Officer
Henri EdmondsMary Thomas
Cora Shay BuckYoung Theodosia Thomas
Zoe BuckYoung Olga Thomas
Kyra SedgwickMary Blalock
John Leslie WolfeDr. Walter Dandy
David BaileyGeneral John Cunningham
Matthew WelbornWilliam Blalock
Mackenzie Jo PardiMary Elizabeth Blalock
Tel MonksDoctor at Party
Mary Stuart MastersonDr. Helen Taussig
Bolton MarshDr. William Longmire
Timothy J. Scanlin Jr.Dr. Cooley (as Timothy Scanlin)
Jonathan WatkinsDr. Kelven
Jeffrey ColemanSecurity Guard
Linda WilliamsMay
Wil LoveDr. Hecker
Brooke GaiglerBaby Saxon (as Brooke and Kera Gaigler)
Kera GaiglerBaby Saxon (as Brooke and Kera Gaigler)
Douglas WatsonDean Hamilton
Merritt WeverMrs. Saxon
Al BrownDr. Ford (as Alan L. Brown)
Michael EasteringLandlord
Robert F. ChewJanitor
Elisabeth NoonePayroll Clerk
Doug OlearMr. Saxon
Marty LodgeFather Aucott
Sean MacLaughlinDr. Swedlin
Dave TrovatoDr. Harmel
Carolyn NelsonNurse Charlotte Mitchell
Rahaleh NassriNurse at Paging Station
Alan SaderHecker’s Crony
Allan KulakowDr. Petrovsky
Ralph CoshamDr. Craford
Nat BenchleyKarsh
Antonio D. CharityMorgan State Admissions Officer
Michael MackDr. Johnston
Sean PrattResident #1
Matthew RussellResident #2 (as Matt Russell)
Brigid ClearyVivien’s Secretary
Joseph PettyJanitor Lowering Flag
Sheila EdmondsonAdult Olga Thomas
Carlyncia S. PeckAdult Theodocia Thomas (as Carlyncia Peck)
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Stan StewartDay Laborer
Michael AhlDoctor at Party (uncredited)
Brian Eric AlexanderStreet Teen (uncredited)
Tex AllenJohns Hopkins Med. School Teaching Physician (uncredited)
James E. AshResident Doctor (uncredited)
Briel BanksGuest at Reception (uncredited)
Drea BergNurse (uncredited)
Patricia Talmadge BerryDist. Party Guest (uncredited)
Ian BondsMedical Intern (uncredited)
Chris BoykinBellhop (uncredited)
R. Emery BrightDishwasher (uncredited)
Patrick BrownLt. Comm. Andrews (uncredited)
Rick BurkBusiness Man (uncredited)
Dava CasoniConcerned Mother in Waiting Room (uncredited)
Tray ChaneyCollege Student (uncredited)
Tim ColmusDoctor (uncredited)
Kelvin DavisBank Customer (uncredited)
Clary Davison1943 Doctor (uncredited)
Larry DerrPatient (uncredited)
Robin DorseyNosey Neighbor (uncredited)
Brian DragonukStaff Doctor 1940’s (uncredited)
Devorah FirestoneMilitary Wife (uncredited)
Pamela FischerDoctor’s Wife (uncredited)
Lynn-Jane ForemanMrs. Ford (uncredited)
Dan FrankoResident Doctor (uncredited)
Alan GatesStudent Doctor (uncredited)
Duke GreenhillStudent (uncredited)
Cantrell HarrisBank Customer (uncredited)
Thomas C. HessenauerJohns Hopkins Hospital Resident (uncredited)
Justin HinnantNeighborhood Kid (uncredited)
Michael Angelo HodgeBank Cop (uncredited)
Heaven Leigh HortonHopscotch Kid (uncredited)
Katherine Hoskins MackeyGeneral’s Wife (uncredited)
James A. HowardDr. Chadwick (uncredited)
Dominic JacksonBus Boy (uncredited)
Yolanda JenkinsHousekeeper (uncredited)
Lyndon B. JohnsonSelf (archive footage) (uncredited)
James JonesHouse Worker #1 (uncredited)
John F. KennedySelf (archive footage) (uncredited)
Z.M. Nan KhanLuncheon Cashier (uncredited)
Martin Luther KingSelf (archive footage) (uncredited)
Kirk LambertNavy Admiral (uncredited)
Connie LamotheDoctor’s Wife (uncredited)
James LewisMedical Intern (uncredited)
Malcolm XSelf (archive footage) (uncredited)
Robert Neal MarshallDist. Party Guest (uncredited)
Kerry MeushawDoctor (uncredited)
Jim NiebIntern (uncredited)
Jim PageResident Doctor (uncredited)
Joe PeckOrderly (uncredited)
Vito PietanzaParty Singer (uncredited)
Reina PoindexterCafeteria Lady (uncredited)
Jasmyn ProctorNeighborhood Kid (uncredited)
Carolyn RawleighGuest at Reception (uncredited)
Tyrone Requer3rd Resident (uncredited)
Andrew Schneider1971 Doctor (uncredited)
Robert ShepherdDoctor (uncredited)
Thomas W. StewartDoctor (uncredited)
Anastasia Summers1943 Nurse (uncredited)
Kevin TanMedical Intern (uncredited)
LeRoy TaylorCarpenter (uncredited)
Tom TownsendSecurity Guard (uncredited)
Towanda UnderdueMother / Bus Rider (uncredited)
Schuster VanceResident Doctor (uncredited)
Don WhatleyMilitary Officer (uncredited)

*Neyzor Blades reads the tag-line*

N: “A dramatization of the relationship between heart surgery pioneers Alfred Blalock and Vivien Thomas.”

W: Lot of racism over yonder.

672. Kickassia (2010)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, black t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Dr. Pepper*

W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock makes the ground rumble before walking inside*

W: Tonight is a tribute of sorts as I’m finally doing a movie I’ve been putting off for many years, but today’s date pretty much means its time.

*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*

N: What does today’s date have to do with anything?

W: Back on February 8, 2011 the late great Emer Prevost uploaded his first of 625 reaction and reviews. The movie he picked happened to be the Channel Awesome movie known as KICKASSIA. Mr. Wallstreet suggested we do it back in 2015 but I wasn’t interested. I was thinking of doing it for Emer’s tribute month back in 2018 but I felt other movies were better and more important. I might have done it in 2020 if I wasn’t doing Tom Hanks Appreciation Month and 2021 but the world stopped. Now there’s no excuse, we may as well watch it.

N: But Emer hated it, if its bad, I don’t want to watch it.

W: Ah but that’s the tribute. He suffered through this, I may as well do the same as I’ve heard about this mythical beast for 12 years now.

N: But what is it even about?

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

W: From what I gather, Doug Walker lifted the plot directly from the Family Guy episode where Peter Griffin becomes lord of Petoria…..which led to the Cant Touch Me song I’ve been annoying you with since we met.

N: Oh god…..

W: Emer made a point at the end of his review said Family Guy was able to pull it off in 25 minutes but this movie clocks in at 92. Another thing going against us is neither one of us has ever watched Channel Awesome. So unless they introduce us to who the characters are, we’ll be lost.

N: Sounds like a bad time.

W: I expect it. The only question is how bad will it be? Will it reach Dead Clowns level of bad or will it actually be funny enough to laugh at for 92 minutes. The only way to find out is to watch it. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for KICKASSIA.

Written by Doug Walker, Rob Walker and Michael Michaud

Directed by Doug Walker

Cast:

Doug WalkerNostalgia Critic / Spider Smith / Chester A. Bum / Ask That Guy With the Glasses / Dominic
Lindsay EllisNostalgia Chick
Lewis LovhaugLinkara
Noah AntwilerThe Spoony One / Dr. Insano
Brad JonesCinema Snob
Joe VargasAngry Joe
Phelan PorteousPhelous
Benjamin DanielBenzaie / Beary
Justin CarmicalJewWario / Yanki J
Kaylyn SaucedoMarzGurl (as Kaylyn Dicksion)
Bennett WhiteBennett the Sage
Jason PullaraLordKat
Mickey Paradis8-Bit Mickey
Thomas HanleyHandsome Tom
Mathew BuckFilm Brain
Paul SchulerPaw
Lee Davidge2D Lee / 3D Lee
Chris LariosRollo T
Bhargav DronamrajuMa-Ti
Rob WalkerNarrator / Santa Christ
Kevin BaughSelf / Fritz von Baugh
James RolfeBoard James (as James D. Rolfe)
Krissy DiggsThat Chick With The Goggles
Lindsey Z. BriggsLittle Miss Gamer
Sean FauszHope Within Chaos
Nikolas FreemanY Ruler of Time
Nick LandisLanipator (as Team Four Star)
Lawrence SimpsonMasakoX (as Team Four Star)
Brian HeinzThe Last Angry Geek
Mike JeavonsMike J.
Larry Bundy Jr.Guru Larry
Dena NataliDena
Sam GoldbergThat Jewish Guy / Guy Lynor
Christine ThompsonThe Cat
Patrick BurdunColdguy
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Eli JamesThe Toll Troll
Curtis ArnottTakahata101 (uncredited)
Scott FrerichsKaiserNeko (uncredited)

*Neyz reads the tag-line*

N: “The Nostalgia Critic’s team try to take over the one-acre nation of Molossia and turn it into Kickassia.”

W: Let the cringe begin.