*The Warlock is going through his massive dvd library*
W: No….No…..nope.
*Neyzor Blades is sitting in the recliner with her arms folded*
N: What are you looking for?
W: Something good.
N: That’ll be a miracle.
W: Ah, found it. Alan Alda is in it.
N: No way, Hawkeye?
W: Yeah, its called Same Time, Next Year. It was based off a play and its about a married man meeting a married woman once a year to hook up.
N: Wait, so they cheat on their spouses once a year?
W: If I’m reading this right, yes. It was one of my grandmother’s favorite movies.
N: I don’t like the cheating part.
W: Well try to look past it because its time for SAME TIME, NEXT YEAR.
Written by Bernard Spade
Directed by Robert Mulligan
Cast:
Doris (Ellen Burstyn)
George (Alan Alda)
Chalmers (Ivan Bonar)
Waiter (Bernie Kuby)
Second Waiter (Cosmo Sardo)
Pilots (David Northcutt and William Cantrell)
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
W: “A man and woman meet by chance at a romantic inn over dinner. Although both are married to others, they find themselves in the same bed the next morning questioning how this could have happened. They agree to meet on the same weekend each year.”
N: That doesn’t make any sense.
W: Yes it does, two married people hook up once a year.
*Opening piano theme over the credits*
W: Credits shouldn’t last long, there’s only 7 people in the movie.
*Sea Shadows Inn is the place*
N: I don’t know how I feel about Alan Alda being a cheater.
*Doris enters the inn. Right behind her is George*
N: What did they do to his hair?
*Doris and George are in the restaurant eating on opposite sides of the room*
N: Don’t touch Alan Alda!
*George and Doris check each other out to a sappy love song*
N: Can we turn this song off?
W: I agree.
*George offers coffee to Doris and he sits with her*
W: I think the setting is the 60’s.
*George and Doris talk at the fireplace*
N: *sings* Neither one gave a shittttt about their significant otherssssss. If I saw you with another woman you’d be in that fire pit.
*George plays with Doris’ cheek as the setting is 1951*
N: Don’t wake Alan Alda. Don’t even sniff him.
W: I was off by 15 years.
N: He doesn’t even look like himself.
*George wakes up and grimaces*
W: He came too hard.
N: Look at his briefs.
W: Better than tighty whities.
*George figures out she’s awake and she asks what time it is. His watch is 3 hours and 25 minutes slow. She says its 11:50 but he says its 8:25. Doris says she’s got chubby thighs*
W: Yum.
*George calls her Dorothy and she corrects that her name is Doris. He says he’s been calling her that all night and she knows and tried to tell him otherwise but he didn’t listen. He says the night was incredible*
W: He called her the wrong name all night hahahahaha.
*Apparently they went at it 3 times*
W: Wow.
*George says his wife is gonna kill him and Doris asks how she already knows. He says “she just knows”*
W: Women know.
N: Yes we do.
*Doris says she was pregnant when she got married to her husband. George says he’s in love with her*
N: Ha, that sucks.
*Doris admits she didn’t finish high school. George says he doesn’t care even though he’s a snob about education. He says the first time he had sex when he was 18 in the back of a 1938 Dodge Sedan*
W: Hahahaha yes.
*George says “If I Knew You Were Coming I Would Have Baked a Cake” is their song*
N: Hahahaha bake a cake.
*Doris goes to take a bath and throws him out of the bathroom*
W: Yeah, get lost!
*Doris walks out of the shower all dressed but doesn’t see him. George says they’re in big trouble because he really did fall in love with her. George feels guilty and says Catholics have rules against this sort of thing. Doris says with Catholics you always know where you stand*
W: Mmmhmmm.
*George is a CPA and is freaking out but she’s calm about it all*
N: Why is she so nonchalant?
*George has kids with his wife and is horrified that he’s done this. He says the worst thing about this is he has a fantastic hard-on. Doris “I wish you hadn’t said that.”
N and W: Hahahahaha
*George asks if she uses actual names in confession*
W: HA!
*Doris gets a knock on the door and George says “Oh my god, oh my goddddd*
W: Why? Hahahha he’s from New Jersey.
*George’s last name is Peters and he bullshits Mr. Chalmers with a girdle in his pocket while she runs out the back. She comes around and asks who that was and George says it was just Chalmers. She points out the girdle in his pocket and he goes “Oh great, now he probably thinks I’m a homo!”
W and N: Hahahahahahhaa!
*George explains he comes here every year as a favor to his first client that he does the books for. George says he doesn’t do this with any other girls. Doris wants his breakfast and he allows her. Doris says she could tell he’s never cheated before because he was such a klutz getting his clothes off*
W: Hahahaha.
*George says he has 3 kids, not 2. He thought it would make it seem he’s less married*
N: Look at that view.
W: Yeah its actually pretty cool.
*Doris says she should be going. She’s there on a religious retreat as Harry her husband takes the kids to see their grandmother. She doesn’t like Doris because she got pregnant. George “Well her son had to do with that too.”
W: Yeah really.
*Harry, her husband, had to drop out of dental school when she got pregnant and sell water to make ends meet, the mother in law never forgave her. They live in a duplex in Oakland*
W: Hey wait, this is 1951, shouldn’t George be in Korea?
N: He served his time. This is scary because this reminds me of Lady T.
*George’s wife is named Phyllis and he’s sure she knows about his affair. Doris asks if she has a plate in her head*
N: Hahahaha.
*George says he could be a million miles away but if he looks at another woman she has a bell in her head that goes “ding ding ding ding”
N: Ha, look at his face.
W: THAT’S Hawkeye.
*She asks how he knew the time and he said his watch said 4:47 so it really was 1:22. George says he was once very insecure but his wife made him a better person. Doris says everyone considers Harry the salt of the earth. She says on their fourth anniversary Harry had 3 beers and told some of the guys that his time in the army was the best years of his life. She says he spent 3 years in a Japanese prison camp*
W: Oh I see.
*Doris says her husband is a big burly guy. George “I really wish you hadn’t told me that.”
N: Hahahaa
*Doris says Harry selflessly helped their son Tony fly a kite. Harry says her wife is really named Helen and he didn’t want her to look them up. Harry says its crazy and she says they’re both crazy. They both hold hands*
N: Oh no they’re flirting.
*Doris wants to exchange pictures of their kids. They both find the others kids adorable. George’s son Michael was dressed as Peter Pan. Her son Paul was in the process of throwing up when his picture was taken. Debbie is George’s youngest*
N: Why won’t they show the pictures?
W: There’s no need. By the way this is based off a play, that’s why there are no other characters.
*Doris and George kiss*
N: She touched Alan Alda.
*They got do it again*
N: She’s like I just bathed.
*Montage of time going by*
W: Yeah this is a montage of the 1950’s.
*Scene shifts to 1956 for their 5th anniversary. Doris comes out in a nice dress and George plays If I Knew You Were Coming I’d Have Baked a Cake on the piano and sings*
W: Hahahahaha
N: I don’t know how I feel about this movie.
*Doris now has blonde hair and George loves it.*
N: I really like that dress.
*Doris has joined the Book of the Month Club. George is proud of her*
W: Oh yeah, she didn’t graduate.
*George says they moved from New Jersey to Connecticut. Michael is as crazy as ever, he wrote his summer paper on trying to get laid. The school almost suspended him*
N: I can’t take the modern sexual language.
W: The movie is PG to boot.
*George kisses Doris and thanks her for everything. They kiss long and deep and she says they just got all dressed up*
W: Sex again.
*While they kiss George gets a phone call. Doris says its a rotten sense of timing. George gets a call from his daughter Debbie that she lost a tooth and he throws Doris off the bed*
W: Hahahaha.
*George is all guilty and freaked out now. He asks how can she be so calm and she says she handles it differently*
W: He’s gonna go cry now.
*Doris says to stop talking about it. She says Harry washed out as a salesman*
N: I’m like him.
W: and I’m like her.
*George wants to run out on their date and go home. She complains that he’s 23 hours early. He asks for his hairbrush and she throws it at him. He asks if she feels rejected and he says he understands. He says this is an emergency and she says it has nothing to do with the goddamned tooth fairy*
W: PG….PG.
*George admits he feels very guilty about it. She says he has a scarlet letter on his jockey shorts*
W: Hahahahahaha
*Doris calls him a horses ass*
N: He is a horses ass.
*George says he needs a lift to the airport and she looks horrified. He says he’s not leaving her permanently, he’ll see her next year. She says he won’t be back. George says its only this year. She says its not fun when he feels guilty. She says she tried to call him 10 times and says it was tearing her up. She says they can’t see each other anymore. She tells him his plane is leaving and he runs for it. She walks away sad*
N: Poor Doris.
W: Poor him.
N: No, he’s acting like she doesn’t care.
*Badly angled rain*
N: That is the worst rain effect I’ve ever seen. Its not even touching the other cars.
W: You’re right.
*George jumps out of the plane, jumps in the car and asks her to forgive him. He says he loves her and they kiss*
N: Ugh, I can’t stand him in this movie.
*Another time lapsing montage*
W: We got Ingemar Johannson beating Floyd Patterson for the heavyweight boxing title, JFK and hula hoops.
*We cut to 1961. On the phone he says he has impotence. The doctor says its no big deal*
W: BULLSHIT!!!
*A pregnant Doris shows up and waddles past Mr. Chalmers. He turns and looks at her*
N: Ha, look at him.
*Doris walks in*
W: He’s gonna freak the fuck out.
N: He’s gonna flip his shit.
*George walks out dressed as Hugh Hefner and he struts*
N: I can’t.
*George notices her baby bump and his expression changes*
W: Ha.
N: Called it.
*Doris asks why he’s in a robe and pj’s and he says he’s rehearsing a Noel Coward play*
W: Ha!
*Doris says she’s 8 months pregnant and usually they take care of the awkwardness by sleeping together. Since they can’t do it this time they’ll just tell each other secrets. George says he’s had enough surprises*
W: Hahahaha.
*Doris says she’s been having sex dreams with him in it. They’re doing it underwater*
W: With a snorkel.
*George says his secret is he can’t swim. Later on he tells a story that when he and Helen were in London and the Danish Ambassador was dressed a bum, telling Helen where the best places to eat in Copenhagen were*
W: Ha.
*George tells Doris that he was going impotent the last time he tried to have sex with Helen. Helen joked that when she married a CPA she thought it was his eyes that would go first*
N: What’s a CPA?
W: Certified Public Accountant.
*He says the worst thing about Helen is she broke his pecker*
N: You sure this movie is PG?
W: Yes.
*George “You don’t say “shoot, the family jewels have gone on the blink”
N: Awww that’s funny.
*Doris holds out her hand. George “That statement does not warrant a congratulations.” Doris says “I need help getting up.”
W: Hahahaha.
*Doris knits and asks what to talk about, George asks how she feels being pregnant. She lists nine different emotions. She admits while she was on bedrest she graduated from high school which is ironic because she dropped out of high school because she got pregnant*
W: That does sound like coming full circle.
*George says Michael got a job with the Associated Press. He then stops dead in his tracks and admits he’s getting turned on. “I’m staring at a 200 pound pregnant lady and I’m getting hot.”
W: What’s wrong with that?
N: He’s not sick like you.
*George goes and plays piano*
W: He looks like Mr.Rogers with that sweater.
*George admits he learned how to play the piano to release tension since he hates cold showers. She says she has a better idea and to follow her. She starts kissing him and she knows how to help him*
N: She’s gonna blow him.
*Doris starts having labor pains and he blames himself for getting hot. She says she’s having the baby now and George freaks out “Oh no, oh no, no, no, oh no”
N: That’s the Hawkeye we know.
*George says its a false alarm, Doris says no, just find the hospital. Doris “George, like it or not I’m going to have a baby.” George “We’re not married” Doris screams to get her to the hospital. George calls Chalmers and says his wife suddenly got pregnant and needs a doctor. Chalmers puts him through to the hospital and George bullshits saying the woman next door is in labor. George names his full name and says Doris’ doctor is Joseph Harrington*
W: Why does that matter?
*George asks the doc if erotic foreplay brings about premature birth*
W: Hahaha
*Doris stumbles out and says her water just broke, she needs a local doctor NOW. George freaks out but gets Chalmers back on the phone and says to find him a doctor. Doris has a contraction and says “This’ll teach you to fool around with a married woman.”
W: Deliver it yourself Hawkeye!
*George tells Doris that Chalmers will go get the doctor. Doris says the baby is coming now and she’s scared. George tries to calm her down by saying he can deliver the baby*
W: He had 3 kids wouldn’t he know a little bit?
*Another time lapse montage*
N: So did she have a kid or not?
W: Yeah.
*We cut to 1966*
W: He’s gone gray.
N: That’s the real Alan Alda.
*Doris runs in dressed as a hippie and kisses him. She says “So, wanna fuck?”
W: THIS MOVIE IS PG! MY GRANDMOTHER LOVED THIS.
N: You think she was a prude?
*George admits he moved to Beverly Hills from CT because he got sick of the snow. She says he looks kind of shitty*
W: THIS….IS…PG!
N: You must be wrong.
*Doris says she went back to school, going to Berkley. She says she was at a dinner party and Harry’s boss invited the family for dinner. She said she was hanging with the kids so much she didn’t think she could have an intelligent conversation with anyone over the age of 5*
N: Hahahaha
*Doris says the protests and demonstrations at school are more work than the schoolwork. George says that’s not gonna stop the war. He doesn’t want to discuss politics. Doris says “So far you’ve turned down Sex and politics, you want to try religion.”
W: Yeah, why is he being a douche?
N: Because she got kooky.
*Doris says she asked her mother when she was 9 what fuck meant and she says there is no such word. George says he’s mad blacks are burning down buildings, Harvard professors are telling his kids that dope is good and his son’s hair is so long that he looks like Yvonne De Carlo from the back*
W: Lilly Munster!
*Doris says her 5 year old daughter’s name is Georgette*
W: Awww that’s cute.
*Doris and George exchange update reports on Helen and Harry. She asks for a lousy story about Helen to bring them closer. George says he signed a client and got invited over for cocktails. George walked into the hall closet instead of the exit but stayed in there anyway*
W: Why??
*George came out a minute later and all 3 were staring at him. Helen peed on the carpet after laughing at him*
W: Hahahahaha.
*Doris says she’s been meaning to tell George for a long time that she loves Helen. He is mad that he lost the account. She asks how he became so stuffy. He denies it but she says he used to be insecure and crazy and he’s not anymore. He read one of Helen’s magazines that said how women should be having orgasms and what got him was his mother used to read that magazine for recipes*
W: That’s awkward.
*Doris macks on him and he asks when he became desirable. She says because he went from pompous to confused*
W: Is that girls like, confused?
N: I don’t know.
*Doris and George kiss*
W: Awwww isn’t that lovely?
*Doris isn’t wearing a bra and she says he’s so 40’s. Then she asks if he voted for Goldwater and he says he did. She gets mad and screams at him and he says to end the war, use the bomb to wipe the sons of bitches off the face of the earth. She asks what kind of man is he. She calls him a fascist and asks him why he went from democrat to republican and he screams that Michael was killed*
N: Oh no…..
*He says Michael was helping a wounded soldier when a sniper killed him. He says he found out that 4th of July and Helen went to pieces. He says he thought he’d feel the pain later but he never did*
N: Awwwww
*He says he never shed a tear and can’t believe it*
W: I’m speechless.
*Doris cries and hugs George. He apologizes for everything and says he’s been on edge lately. He then breaks down crying*
W: That was kinda fake.
N: Awwww I can’t. That was actually a good scene though.
*Another time lapse montage*
W: There’s Bobby Kennedy getting shot.
*We cut to 1972 and George has longer hair and a mustache. Doris says after 21 years the sex is still good. Doris is a grandmother now*
W: Saw that coming.
*Doris says Harry says “You’re not the woman I married.” She’s got a nose job and he’s wearing a speedo for underwear*
N: Look at that speedo.
*Harry says Helen took sleeping pills in her ears and the doc says “You know these can be taken orally right”
W: Hahahaha
*Doris gets a call from Liz and says they have to cater a party. George says she’s got bad vibes and she asks why does he care? He says he lives his life as a rich man but wonders why. He says he’s trying to be more emotionally stable and she says he still goes off sometimes*
N: What?
*Doris wants to now how Helen is responding to his new emotions. He says she threw a grapefruit at him*
W: Hahahaha
*George plays piano and Doris gets a phone call from Liz again. Doris says tell the real estate agent if he doesn’t like it then to shove it. George smiles*
W: He likes that.
*George “You went into business to make money?”
W: Who doesn’t?
*George tells a funny story of getting a rectal exam from a woman and Doris says women aren’t given a voice unless they have financial power*
W: Sad but true in 1972.
*Doris asks if they’re drifting apart. George says they’re closer. Doris says she lost her husband and George runs out after her. Doris says he left home four days earlier and didn’t come back. George says that’s cool and she yells at him. George says she transferred her anger toward him instead of Harry. She says if he’s honest with Helen and he says yes. She asks if he’s going to tell Helen about them and George says she’s mature enough to handle it. Doris says he’s full of shit*
W: How many curse words are allowed in a PG movie? This pushed it.
*Doris explains that Harry is a failure at providing and she’s a success. He may resent her for that and George says to tell him that she still loves him*
W: Yeah they completely switched attitudes from the previous year.
*Doris admits she was the one who proposed to Harry 27 years earlier*
W: That was rare in those days.
*Doris owns a restaurant and she’s catering their dinner. She goes outside to get the food and George answers a phone call, its from Harry*
N: *Gasps*
*George over the phone tells Harry they’re very close friends and they’ve known each other for 20 years. Harry asks if he’s from the retreat and George says Doris loves Harry. George tells Harry the story Doris told him about being thankful for being married to Harry after surviving a World War 2 prison camp. George says in any marriage total honesty is the key. George says the last 20 years has been the most intimate of his life. Harry asks what his name is and George says Father Michael O’Herly*
W: Hahahaha you thought he was gonna spill the beans.
*Another time lapse*
W: Alright, Mick Jagger….oh, gas shortage.
N: Jaws.
*We’re now in 1977*
W: This is the present.
*An older looking George and Doris look out onto the water. Chalmers is still there and is 75, George says he’s never aged*
W and N: Hahaha.
*George starts a fire while saying the cost of firewood is so high you’re better off chopping up furniture and burning it. He asks why she sold her business and she asks how he knew that. He says he’ll tell her later, she says she got bought out. She admits Harry had a heart attack and she wanted to get out. She’s gonna run on the independent ticket while Harry has lost weight but still has the face of Ernest Borgnine*
W: HAhahahaha.
N: Who?
W: An old fat actor.
*George says he’s not staying. He admits Helen found out about them ten years earlier. She asks when she told him, he said 2 months ago. He says a mutual friend Connie told him Helen knew all along. Doris says Helen is amazing and George admits Helen died 6 months earlier*
N: Oh no…..
W: I thought HE was dying.
*Doris asks if the kids are ok and he says they helped him through it. She asks why didn’t he tell her and he says he tried, he called the store she owned and that’s how he knew she sold it. George says he’s been thinking of everything they’ve been through together and he still misplaces information about her. George says in 26 years he’s never been out of love with her*
W: That’s pretty awesome.
*George wants to get married and Doris does a spittake. George is dead serious but she doesn’t say yes or no. She says she’s dreamed of this for years and she always said yes. He says he’s been with her for 26 years and always wanted to grab your ass*
W: Hahaha.
*She says she can’t marry him because she’s already married. Helen says affection, respect and a sense of continuity is why they’re still together. George is mad and admits he tried to save them 6 years earlier but she admits he was scared of being with her for good. He says he needs to be married and he’d rather have her over Connie which is the direction he’s heading. She knows about them and wouldn’t be ok with them meeting. George says if they don’t get married he won’t ever see Doris again*
N: That’s a hard pill to swallow.
*George begs her to marry him and Doris says she can’t. George says he wishes he knew what to say to make her run away with him. Doris says she can’t cry and George says he’s got a plane to catch*
N: Noooo.
*Doris says her favorite actors were Olivier, McCallister, Brando and Cary Grant. George walks out*
N: Come on, give her a hug and a kiss. Look at her she’s going to throw up.
W: Don’t tell me it ends like THIS.
*Doris cries on the bed but George busts in and says he’s back. He admits Connie is 87 years old and he said all that just to make Doris jealous. They embrace and George says he’ll keep coming back until their bones are too brittle. End credits*
N: That was a good ending.
Neyzor Blades Assessment: I give it an 8. It was a good one but it wasn’t a favorite. I love Alan Alda.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I agree, 8 out of 10. It was based on a play so it was going to be 2 hours of Ellen and Alan talking. Their personality changes through the years kept the story going and even though we didn’t meet them, we got to know Harry and Helen like they were real people. That’s outstanding writing.
Final Grade: 8 out 10. Amazing
*Warlock rises from the couch*
W: That was pretty damn good. This was so well written it managed to create characters without them ever actually making an appearance. The time lapses helped with them changing and growing as characters, especially with the current events each time. The scene where George is on edge and Doris is a hippie really drove home how the Vietnam War affected everyone. All in all it was easy to sit through and fun to watch. I definitely recommend it, especially if you like movies based on plays. Now get outta here before I give ya a slap!
Warlock's Movie Realm 