*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a Toy Story t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Pepsi*
W: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock shoots a lightning bolt and walks inside*
W: In case you haven’t guessed by my attire, today is the streaming launch date for tonight’s movie. The one and only Disney animated action flick LIGHTYEAR!
*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*
N: Didn’t this just come out in theaters?
W: Yup, back in June. Nowadays nobody waits for a home release anymore. Elvis and Top Gun should be coming out soon as well. Anyway, for those that didn’t see it or have been living under a rock, LIGHTYEAR is the origin story of Buzz Lightyear from the Toy Story franchise.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
W: So what’s the movie about? Buzz and his crew get stranded on a planet in Sector 4. His various attempts to go home take years at a time and after so many attempts, life as he knows it changes. Soon, Emperor Zurg attacks and all hell breaks loose.
N: That’s not what happens.
W: I know, I know….I was half asleep in the theater that night. Before I get into it I want to address the two criticisms that came out after the release of this. First there’s a 10 second montage where it shows two women kissing, its only 10 seconds so just deal with it. The second and more important, they replaced Tim Allen with Chris Evans. If you can handle Captain America as Buzz Lightyear instead of Santa Clause then you have nothing to worry about. Now I remember the movie being good in the theater so will it be good for a second time watch? Let’s find out. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for LIGHTYEAR.
Written by Lauren Gunderson, Andrew Stanton, Matthew Aldrich, Jason Headley and Angus MacLane
Directed by Angus MacLane
Cast:
| Chris Evans | … | Buzz Lightyear (voice) | |
| Keke Palmer | … | Izzy Hawthorne (voice) | |
| Peter Sohn | … | SOX / Old SOX (voice) | |
| Taika Waititi | … | Mo Morrison (voice) | |
| Dale Soules | … | Darby Steel (voice) | |
| James Brolin | … | Zurg (voice) | |
| Uzo Aduba | … | Alisha Hawthorne (voice) | |
| Mary McDonald-Lewis | … | I.V.A.N. (voice) | |
| Isiah Whitlock Jr. | … | Commander Burnside (voice) | |
| Angus MacLane | … | ERIC / DERIC & Zyclops (voice) | |
| Bill Hader | … | Featheringhamstan (voice) | |
| Efren Ramirez | … | Airman Díaz (voice) | |
| Keira Hairston | … | Young Izzy (voice) | |
| Rest of cast listed alphabetically: | |||
| Tony Anselmo | … | Various (uncredited) |
*Neyz reads the tag-line*
N: “While spending years attempting to return home, marooned Space Ranger Buzz Lightyear encounters an army of ruthless robots commanded by Zurg who are attempting to steal his fuel source.”
W: Do you people still use fossil fuels or have you discovered crystalic fusion?
Warlock's Movie Realm 