610. C.O.D.A. (2021)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair wearing a black tuxedo and holding a glass of Pepsi*

W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock levitates and walks inside*

W: As everyone knows…..C.O.D.A. was the winner of Best Picture last night. Keeping with tradition, first the accolades. Troy Kotsur won Best Supporting Actor and the movie won Best Adaptation. Now for the competition, C.O.D.A. beat out the remake of West Side Story, The Power of The Dog, Nightmare Alley, Licorice Pizza, King Richard, Dune, Drive My Car, Don’t Look Up and Belfast. Apart from Dune, I’ve never heard of any of them so once again the Oscar’s are full of baloney. So what’s this movie about? A child of deaf adults (coda) has to choose between saving her deaf parents fishing company or go to Berklee. As with most Best Pictures that have come out in the last 10 years, its probably not even close to as good as some of the other movies I’ve seen from last year in theaters. But, I’m willing to give it a chance.

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

W: Amazing how after tonight, I will once again have seen every Best Picture winner that’s ever come out. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for C.O.D.A.

Written by Thomas Bidegain, Eric Lartigau, Stanislas Carre de Malberg, Victoria Bedos and Sian Heder

Directed by Sian Heder

Cast:

Emilia Jones	…	Ruby Rossi
	Troy Kotsur	…	Frank Rossi
	Daniel Durant	…	Leo Rossi
	John Fiore	…	Tony Salgado
	Lonnie Farmer	…	Arthur
	Kevin Chapman	…	Brady
	Amy Forsyth	…	Gertie
	Courtland Jones	…	Ms. Simon
	Molly Beth Thomas	…	Audra
	Ferdia Walsh-Peelo	…	Miles
	Ayana Brown	…	Guidance Counselor
	Marlee Matlin	…	Jackie Rossi
	Jason Pugatch	…	Doctor
	Kyana Fanene	…	Riff Girl
	Anilee List	…	Adele Girl
	Eugenio Derbez	…	Bernardo Villalobos
	Stone Martin	…	Harry Potter Boy
	Maeve Chapman	…	Shaker Girl
	Mark Pettograsso	…	Mike / Bar Bully
	Stephen Caliskan	…	Tall Boy
	Amanda Bradshaw	…	Shy Girl
	Bryan Sabbag	…	Broadway Boy
	Kayla Caulfield	…	Off Key Girl
	Samidio DePina	…	Suave Boy
	Dominic Cannarella-Andersen	…	Bass Boy (as Dominic Anderson)
	Jose Guns Alves	…	Mondo (as Jose Gonsalves)
	Owen Burke	…	Jimmy
	Lance Norris	…	Chubs
	Tony Viveiros	…	Bartender
	Armen Garo	…	Gio Salgado
	Jared Voss	…	John Kaufman
	Emilia Faucher	…	Misha
	Marilyn Busch	…	Nina
	Melissa McMeekin	…	Barb
	Erica McDermott	…	Angela
	Garrett McKechnie	…	Chet Turner
	Rebecca Gibel	…	Joanne Biles
	Tj Ciarametaro	…	Coast Guard Boarding Officer
	Gary Galone	…	Coast Guard Officer
	Nikki Kim	…	Monitor #1
	Mary Ann Schaub	…	Monitor #2
	Cassandra Berta	…	Vocalist
	Sarah Clarke	…	Tanya
	Rena Maliszewski	…	Female Jury Member
	David Newsom	…	Male Jury Member
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
	Alexander M. Akerblom	…	Band Member (uncredited)
	David S. Bookbinder	…	High School Parent (uncredited)
	Jeff Bouffard	…	Dockworker (uncredited)
	Brina	…	Pagent Guest (uncredited)
	Peter Brownlee	…	Parent (uncredited)
	Richard Chandler	…	Parent (uncredited)
	Charles Coan	…	School teacher (uncredited)
	Dennis Daniel	…	Parent (uncredited)
	Ian Dylan Hunt	…	Fisherman (uncredited)
	Sydney Jenkins	…	Extra (uncredited)
	Elbert Kim	…	Jackie Rossi’s Attorney (uncredited)
	Laurie Kwiatkowski	…	High School Parent (uncredited)
	Abby Livingston	…	Student (uncredited)
	Rob Lévesque	…	Boat Captain (uncredited)
	Pamela Jayne Morgan	…	Shopper Woman (uncredited)
	Randy Morris	…	Fisherman (uncredited)
	Jonathan Neves	…	Student (uncredited)
	Kiara Pichardo	…	Cashier (uncredited)
	Anne Reardon	…	Jimmy’s Wife (uncredited)
	Amber Sage	…	Audience Member (uncredited)
	Sandra Jack Shaw	…	Audience Member (uncredited)
	Susan Halsey Singer	…	Parent (uncredited)
	Justin M. Tolliver	…	Fisherman (uncredited)
	Madison Paige Trzaski	…	Mean Girl (uncredited)
	Stephanie Vachon	…	High School Student (uncredited)
	Earl Lee White	…	High School Student (uncredited)
	Justin Wright	…	Coast Guard Officer (uncredited)

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “As a CODA (Child of Deaf Adults) Ruby is the only hearing person in her deaf family. When the family’s fishing business is threatened, Ruby finds herself torn between pursuing her passion at Berklee College of Music and her fear of abandoning her parents.”

W: Gee, wonder what she’s going to do.

609. Nomadland (2020)

*The Warlock is sitting on his couch watching the Oscar’s. He’s leaning forward with his fists under his chin. Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*

N: I don’t know why you care so much this year, none of the movies you like are on the list. Not to mention you almost destroyed the place when Joker didn’t win two years ago.

W: Because I have to watch whatever wins eventually, it better not suck.

N: You don’t HAVE to do anything ya stiffinski.

W: Quiet, quiet….here we go.

<The TV announces Coda has won>

W: Coda?? Oh goddammit……

*Warlock’s head falls into his hands*

N: What’s so bad about that?

W: Its one of those woke movies about deaf people.

N: So?

W: Why can’t something FUN ever win?

N: You’re still not over Joker losing are you?

W: My older cousin still isn’t over Art Carney beating Al Pacino for Best Actor in 1974 and Joker losing is my personal “You gotta be kidding” moment. Anyway you gonna stick around for tonight’s movie? It’s last year’s Oscar winner.

N: No thanks, I’m going to bed.

*Neyz gets up and leaves*

W: Fine, I’ll suffer through this myself. Well folks, in case you haven’t guessed, tonight is the Oscar’s and since I didn’t feel like doing jack shit last year, I have to make up for it this year. Tonight we will be taking a look at NOMADLAND, a drama about a woman who goes broke after the 2009 recession and travels the country as a nomad. Critically, NOMADLAND won Best Picture so at least there’s going to be a coherent story with good acting. The question is will it be lively enough to hold my interest or will it bore me to death? The good news is unlike the 3-4 hour marathons I’m used to, this one clocks in at a decent one hour 47 minutes. If it is boring, at least it won’t be THAT long. But who knows, maybe I’ll get sucked into the story. The only way to find out is to watch so grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for NOMADLAND.

Written by Jessica Bruder and Chloe Zhao

Directed by Chloe Zhao

Cast:

Frances McDormand	…	Fern
	Gay DeForest	…	Gay
	Patricia Grier	…	Patty
	Linda May	…	Linda
	Angela Reyes	…	Angela
	Carl R. Hughes	…	Carl
	Douglas G. Soul	…	Doug
	Ryan Aquino	…	Ryan
	Teresa Buchanan	…	Teresa
	Karie Lynn McDermott Wilder	…	Karie
	Brandy Wilber	…	Brandy
	Makenzie Etcheverry	…	Makenzie
	Bob Wells	…	Bob
	Annette Webb	…	Annette
	Rachel Bannon	…	Rachel
	Charlene Swankie	…	Swankie (as Swankie)
	David Strathairn	…	Dave
	Bryce Bedsworth	…	Bryce
	Sherita Deni Coker	…	Deni
	Merle Redwing	…	Merle
	Forrest Bault	…	Forrest
	Suanne Carlson	…	Suanne
	Donnie Miller	…	Donnie
	Roxanne Bay	…	Roxy
	Matt Sfaelos	…	Noodle
	Ronald O. Zimmerman	…	Ron
	Derek Endres	…	Derek
	Paige Dean	…	Paige
	Paul Winer	…	Paul
	Derrick Janis	…	Victor
	Greg Barber	…	Greg
	Carol Anne Hodge	…	Carol
	Matthew Stinson	…	Nurse Matt
	Terry Phillip	…	Terry
	Bradford Lee Riza	…	Brad
	Tay Strathairn	…	James
	Cat Clifford	…	Cat
	James R. Taylor Jr.	…	James
	Jeremy Greenman	…	Jeremy
	Ken Greenman	…	Ken
	Melissa Smith	…	Dolly
	Warren Keith	…	George
	Jeff Andrews	…	Jeff
	Paul Cunningham	…	Paul
	Emily Jade Foley	…	Emily
	Mike Sells	…	Mike
	Peter Spears	…	Peter
	Cheryl Davis	…	Cheri

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “A woman in her sixties, after losing everything in the Great Recession, embarks on a journey through the American West, living as a van-dwelling modern-day nomad.”

W: That’s a hell of a way to live, damn recession.

608. Original Sin (2001)

<THREE DAYS EARLIER>

*The Warlock is in his lair making a Skype call to Mr. Wallstreet*

Wallstreet: Been a long time, how have you been?

War: The last two years have royally sucked. Missed out on a lot of things after everyone scattered. Haven’t seen some of the crew in ages.

Wal: So now you want to get the band back together?

War: Something like that. Mainly I need some stuff to watch.

Wal: You sat at home for two years and you still need something to watch?

War: That’s the problem, I didn’t. The hazard of being essential meant I DIDN’T have time to relax. Apart from Oscar’s Month last year, I haven’t really done anything Realm wise since Covid started.

Wal: So what do you need from me?

War: You know exactly what I need. Any suggestions?

Wal: Yeah, in fact I do. Are you aware of ORIGINAL SIN?

War: You mean Adam and Eve?

Wal: No, the movie. Antonio Banderas is in it.

War: You had my curiosity, now you have my attention.

Wal: I’ll send it to you to check out yourself. You may want to watch it alone though, don’t think the others would like it.

War: You know I hate doing this stuff alone most of the time.

Wal: Yeah, trust me on this one.

War: Whatever. I also am going to need whatever wins Best Picture this coming Sunday.

Wal: Just let me know what wins and its yours. See you around.

<PRESENT DAY>

<The Warlock is standing outside his lair wearing a black leather jacket, black t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. The cold March air swirls around as Darnell The Deliveryman pulls up. He storms out of the truck, grabs Warlock’s package and goes to spike it like a football when Warlock flicks his wrist to make the package fly through the air into his hand. Darnell just kicks the dirt on the sidewalk and leaves. Warlock walks inside>

W: Welcome to my lair for a special suggestion. Direct from Mr. Wallstreet himself comes the 2001 mystery drama ORIGINAL SIN. According to what I read, Angelina Jolie is a con artist that’s going to marry Antonio Banderas and steal all his money but something goes wrong.

*Warlock opens the package, pulls the dvd out, flicks his wrist to open the dvd player and sends the dvd into the player*

W: So is this movie any good? I have no idea. If its not, I’m going to wrap a golf club around Wallstreet’s head. Still, the two main characters should be enough to carry this one. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for ORIGINAL SIN.

Written by Cornell Woolrich and Michael Cristofer

Directed by Michael Cristofer

Cast:

Antonio Banderas	…	Luis Antonio Vargas
	Angelina Jolie	…	Julia Russell / Bonny Castle
	Thomas Jane	…	Billy / Walter Downs / Mephisto
	Jack Thompson	…	Alan Jordan
	Gregory Itzin	…	Colonel Worth
	Allison Mackie	…	Augusta Jordan
	Joan Pringle	…	Sara
	Cordelia Richards	…	Emily Russell
	James Haven	…	Faust – Stage
	Pedro Armendáriz Jr.	…	Jorge Cortés (as Pedro Armendáriz)
	Mario Iván Martínez	…	Cuban Priest
	Harry Porter	…	Stage Manager
	Fernando Torre Laphame	…	Wedding Priest (as Fernando Torre Lapham)
	Shaula Vega	…	Dressmaker Girl
	Lisa Owen	…	Margareta – Stage
	Daniel Martínez	…	Rafael
	Farnesio de Bernal	…	Bank Clerk
	Nitzi Arellano	…	Prostitute
	Roger Cudney	…	Ship’s Captain
	Adrian Makala	…	Ship’s Waiter (as Adrián Makala)
	Francis Laboriel	…	Ship’s Stewardess
	Patricio Castillo	…	French Dining Steward
	Derek Rojo	…	Bell Boy
	Abraham Stavans	…	Mr. Gutiérrez
	Roberto Medina	…	Card Player
	Julian Sedgwick	…	Card Player
	Alejandro Corp	…	Card Player
	Alejandro Reza	…	Train Station Man
	Guy De Saint Cyr	…	Chief Jailer (as Guy de Saint Cyr)
	Julio Bracho	…	Guard
	George Belanger	…	Gentleman in Morocco
	Osami Kawano	…	Gentleman in Morocco
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
	Hélène Cardona	…	Lady of the Night (voice) (uncredited)
	Phil Parlapiano	…	Luis’ Butler (uncredited)

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “A woman, along with her lover, plans to con a rich man by marrying him, earning his trust, and then running away with all his money. Everything goes as planned until she falls in love with him.”

W: Its funny how in 1995 he was top dog in Desperado and she was hot as hell in Hackers. Took 6 years to put these two together.