651. The Cameraman’s Revenge (1912)

*The Warlock is already in his lair watching Tengy give her review on a film. Warlock loads the exact one she’s watching onto his Smart TV*

W: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock does nothing*

W: Thanks to another suggestion by the lovely Tengy, tonight we’re going to do something different. For the first time in four years we won’t be watching a full length movie but instead a 13 minute short produced in Russia all the way back in 1912. Oh this is going to be FUN trying to explain this. Apparently Wladyslaw Starewicz decided to make a short movie using actual dead insects as the main characters. Yup, some dude in Russia played with dead bugs for 13 minutes and made a movie out of it. The actual title in Russian is pronounced “Mest kinematograficheskogo operatora” but we in America can call it THE CAMERAMAN’S REVENGE. Normally this would be like any public domain movie and I’d be filming my TV but why bother when its only 13 minutes long? This will also establish a new record for the oldest “movie” I’ve covered for this series since this was made in 1912. Is it going to be good? Who cares, its short and and its free. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for THE CAMERAMAN’S REVENGE.

Written and Directed by Wladyslaw Starewicz

Cast:

Some dead bugs

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “Mr Beetle seeks companionship from a statuesque dragonfly dancer, unaware that her ex-boyfriend, a slender grasshopper and an industrious cameraman, watches their every move. Will Mrs Beetle forgive him? Will he get away with adultery?”

W: This guy’s crazy.

650. The Shawshank Redemption (1994)

<THREE DAYS EARLIER>

*The Warlock is at his computer just finishing a Skype call with Mr. Wallstreet when there’s a knock on his door. Warlock answers it and Darnell The Deliveryman is standing there with a package that has a letter attached. Warlock takes the package and Darnell throws a roundhouse right that Warlock effortlessly ducks under before walking inside. Darnell kicks at the air and leaves*

W: What is this?

*Warlocks opens the letter first and reads it*

W: “Warlock, I always wanted to watch this you, just wish things worked out between us. Enjoy….J”

*Warlock opens the package and its a DVD. He recognizes it and says*

W: I know just the person to watch this with.

<PRESENT DAY>

*The Warlock is in The Grand Wizard’s Palace and is sitting on the couch*

W: Welcome everyone to another special here at Warlock’s Movie Realm. A few days ago Mr. America and I celebrated our seventh anniversary special and tonight is our SIX HUNDRED FIFTYTH episode. The late, great Emer Prevost did 625 and here we are at 650. Tonight, my father and I will be watching one of the best American movies ever made according to a lot of people. That movie is the 1994 crime drama THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION. Way back when we watched Forrest Gump, I mentioned how Gump beat out Shawshank to win Best Picture. Well now I’m gonna find out if this measures up or not. That’s right, I’ve never seen this before. I was supposed to with someone years ago but didn’t, but now I will. For those that don’t know, its based off a Stephen King story about two men in prison that bond over the years and devise a plan to escape. Its got a great cast and Morgan Freeman almost won Best Actor for his performance. So let’s see if this can hang with Forrest Gump. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION.

Written by Stephen King and Frank Darabont

Directed by Frank Darabont

Cast:

Tim RobbinsAndy Dufresne
Morgan FreemanEllis Boyd ‘Red’ Redding
Bob GuntonWarden Norton
William SadlerHeywood
Clancy BrownCaptain Hadley
Gil BellowsTommy
Mark RolstonBogs Diamond
James WhitmoreBrooks Hatlen
Jeffrey DeMunn1946 D.A.
Larry BrandenburgSkeet
Neil GiuntoliJigger
Brian LibbyFloyd
David ProvalSnooze
Joseph RagnoErnie
Jude CiccolellaGuard Mert
Paul McCraneGuard Trout
Renee BlaineAndy Dufresne’s Wife
Scott MannGlenn Quentin
John Horton1946 Judge
Gordon Greene1947 Parole Hearings Man (as Gordon C. Greene)
Alfonso FreemanFresh Fish Con
Vincent FosterHungry Fish Con (as V.J. Foster)
John E. SummersNew Fish Guard
Frank MedranoFat Ass
Mack MilesTyrell
Alan R. KesslerLaundry Bob
Morgan LundLaundry Truck Driver
Cornell WallaceLaundry Leonard
Gary Lee DavisRooster
Neil SummersPete
Ned BellamyGuard Youngblood
Joe PecoraroProjectionist (as Joseph Pecoraro)
Harold E. Cope Jr.Hole Guard
Brian DelateGuard Dekins
Don McManusGuard Wiley (as Don R. McManus)
Donald ZinnMoresby Batter (as Donald E. Zinn)
Dorothy Silver1954 Landlady
Robert Haley1954 Food-Way Manager
Dana Snyder1954 Food-Way Woman
John D. Craig1957 Parole Hearings Man
Ken MageeNed Grimes
Eugene C. DePasqualeMail Caller (as Eugene C. De Pasquale)
Bill BolenderElmo Blatch
Ron NewellElderly Hole Guard
John R. WoodwardBullhorn Tower Guard
Chuck BrauchlerMan Missing Guard
Dion AndersonHead Bull Haig
Claire SlemmerBank Teller
James KisickiBank Manager
Rohn ThomasBugle Editor
Charlie Kearns1966 D.A.
Rob ReiderDuty Guard
Brian Brophy1967 Parole Hearings Man
Paul Kennedy1967 Food-Way Manager
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
James BabsonCon (uncredited)
Dennis BakerOld Man on Bus (uncredited)
Fred CulbertsonPolice Officer (uncredited)
Richard DooneCon (uncredited)
Samantha GoldbergBank Employee (uncredited)
Shane GroveInmate (uncredited)
Rita HayworthGilda Mundson Farrell (archive footage) (uncredited)
David HechtBank Teller (uncredited)
Alonzo F. JonesInmate (uncredited)
Gary JonesConvict (uncredited)
Sergio KatoInmate II (uncredited)
Michael LightseyCon (uncredited)
George MacreadyBallin Mundson (archive footage) (uncredited)
Christopher PageTraffic (driver) (uncredited)
Brad PynerPrison Guard (uncredited)
Neil RiddawayCon (uncredited)
Brad Spencer1957 Parole Hearings Guard (uncredited)
Jodiviah SteppNew Fish Con (uncredited)
Mark A. StrainYard Inmate (uncredited)

*Wizard reads the tag-line*

Wi: “Two imprisoned men bond over a number of years, finding solace and eventual redemption through acts of common decency.”

W: What?

649. Black Oxen (1923)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a Head of The Table t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gagroyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Pepsi*

W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair of you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock levitates before walking inside*

W: Today is a throwaway of sorts. Our 650th episode special is tomorrow and we got something great in store. In the meantime I found something in the Public Domain to watch. We’re going back to 1923 to watch BLACK OXEN. There’s actually no oxen in this movie apart from the opening scene but the movie’s plot is that a playwright and his older friend spot a woman in the crowd at the play and the older friend freaks out. The woman is the spitting image of a woman that left for Europe 30 years earlier and the rest of the movie is a mystery of who this woman is. It stars an 18 year old Clara Bow causing a ruckus in a supporting role so if it sucks, at least she’ll deliver the goods.

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

W: So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for BLACK OXEN.

Written by Gertrude Atherton, Mary O’Hara and Frank Lloyd

Directed by Frank Lloyd

Cast:

Corinne GriffithMadame Zatianny / Mary Ogden
Conway TearleLee Clavering
Tom RickettsCharles Dinwiddie
Tom GuiseJudge Gavin Trent
Clara BowJanet Ogelthorpe
Kate LesterJane Ogelthorpe
Harry MestayerJames Ogelthorpe
Lincoln StedmanDonnie Ferris
Claire McDowellAgnes Trevor
Alan HalePrince Rohenhauer
Clarissa SelwynneGora Dwight
Fred GambleOglethorpe Butler
Percy WilliamsOgden Butler
Otto NelsonDr. Steinach
Eric MayneChancellor
Otto LedererAustrian Advisor
Carmelita GeraghtyAnna Goodrich
Ione AtkinsonFlapper
Mila ConstantinFlapper
Hortense O’BrienFlapper
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Ted RackerbyParty Boy (uncredited)
Wilhelm von BrinckenAide to Prince Rohenhauer (uncredited

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “A Manhattan playboy falls in love with a mysterious European woman, whom he notices as an exact double for a famous socialite who disappeared at the turn of the century. At first, he thinks it’s just pure coincidence, as the beautiful young woman he’s currently romancing is much younger than the woman who vanished years before, but soon, he begins to believe that maybe it’s not such a coincidence after all.”

W: What a mouthful

648. Love Story (1970)

*The Warlock is in the Grand Wizard’s Palace on the right side of the couch with Neyzor Blades on the left side*

W: Welcome to my father’s palace for this edition of Warlock’s Movie Realm. Today we will be taking a look at a movie I’ve known about since I was young but never seen, that movie is the 1970 rom com LOVE STORY. When I was a child I was an avid fan of MAD Magazine and when I was 11 years old my mom got be MAD ABOUT THE 70’S which featured the greatest hits of the 70’s Mags. One of those was the parody of LOVE STORY. Fast forward to two years ago, Patton won Best Picture but LOVE STORY was a runner up. The reason the movie almost won Best Picture is the book its based on had just come out and was a national hit. Its got some known actors and its filmed in my backyard so let’s see if this will be a nice alternative to the three hour marathon of Patton. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for LOVE STORY.

Written by Erich Segal

Directed by Arthur Hiller

Cast:

Ali MacGrawJenny
Ryan O’NealOliver
John MarleyPhil
Ray MillandOliver Barrett III
Russell NypeDean Thompson
Katharine BalfourMrs. Barrett (as Katherine Balfour)
Sydney WalkerDr. Shapeley
Robert ModicaDr. Addison
Walker DanielsRay – Oliver’s Roommate
Tommy Lee JonesHank – Oliver’s Roommate (as Tom Lee Jones)
John MerenskySteve – Oliver’s Roommate
Andrew DuncanRev. Blauvelt
Charlotte FordClerk
Sudie Bond(as Sudi Bond)
Julie GarfieldBystander at Harpsichord Concerto
Kevin O’Neal
Milo Boulton(as Milo Bolton)
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Stephen DowlingCornell Hockey Player (uncredited)
Tony LandolfiMan (uncredited)
Jennifer MerinStudent (uncredited)
Bob O’ConnellTommy the Doorman (uncredited)
Ellen StrettonUndetermined Role (uncredited)
Donald WarnockHarvard Student with Big Black Glasses (uncredited)
Mike WheelerCornell Player #17 (uncredited)
Grant WillisHarvard Student (uncredited)

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “A boy and a girl from different backgrounds fall in love regardless of their upbringing – and then tragedy strikes.”

W: Shakespeare would have loved this.

647. Free Guy (2021)

*The Warlock is on the right side of the couch playing Fallout 4 on PS4 with Neyz in the recliner and Mr. America on the left side coaching him on*

A. Watch the mirelurks.

W: I can see them just fine, thank you.

A: MIRELURK QUEEN!

W: Sonovabitch, where’s my Fat Man?

A: What’s Codsworth doing?

W: Not helping, that’s what.

N: You guys are taking this stuff way too seriously.

*America and Warlock both snap their heads back and give Neyz dirty looks*

N: What movie were we supposed to watch anyway?

W: Oh yeah….I forgot.

A: You can’t quit now, we got Spectacle Island to clean out.

W: We can do it after the movie.

A: What movie?

W: Speaking of video games, we’re going to watch FREE GUY!

A: The Ryan Reynolds movie?

*Warlock pauses the PS4 and puts on the movie*

W: For those that don’t know, FREE GUY is a video game movie that takes a look at the life of a Non-Playable Character and how he’s had enough of being one. Unlike Wreck It Ralph where it focuses on video game characters treating life as a job, these are characters that don’t know they’re in a game. The first time I saw it in theaters it was awesome, so I’m expecting it to be awesome again. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for FREE GUY.

Written by Zak Penn and Matt Lieberman

Directed by Shawn Levy

Cast:

Ryan ReynoldsGuy
Jodie ComerMillie / Molotovgirl
Lil Rel HoweryBuddy
Joe KeeryKeys
Utkarsh AmbudkarMouser
Taika WaititiAntwan
Channing TatumRevenjamin Buttons
Aaron W ReedDude (as Aaron Reed)
Britne OldfordBarista
Camille KostekBombshell
Mark LainerHostage
Mike DevineOfficer Johnny
Sophie LevyBig City Dreamer
Vernon ScottBank Manager
Naheem GarciaConvenience Store Owner Joe
Anabel GraetzCat Lady Phyllis
Ric PlamencoIce Cream Vendor
Kenneth IsraelBusinessman
Michael MalvestiNewsstand Vendor
Colin AllenShoe Store Clerk
Michael TowRain Man
Hugh JackmanMasked Player in Alley (voice)
Dwayne JohnsonBank Robber #2 (voice)
Tina FeyVacuuming Mom (voice)
John KrasinskiSilhouetted Gamer (voice)
Chris EvansChris Evans
Alex TrebekAlex Trebek
Lara SpencerLara Spencer
Matty CardaropleKeith, the 22-Year-Old Gamer
Jonathan De AzevedoJonathan
Destiny ClaymoreArt Nerd (as Destiny ‘Claymore’ McCottrell)
Tyler BlevinsNinja (as Tyler ‘Ninja’ Blevins)
Imane ‘Pokimane’ AnysPokimane (as Imane Anys)
Lannan EacottLazarbeam
Seán McLoughlinJacksepticeye (as Seán William McLoughlin)
Daniel MiddletonDanTDM
Charlotte LevyTween Gamer Girl
Colette LevyFoul-Mouthed Little Sister
Mariama CondéTeenage Girl (as Mariama Conde)
Olivia Z CoteTeenage Girl
Ryan DoyleTeenage Boy
Bob GilliamFree City News Anchor (as Bobby Gilliam)
Terri SchwartzIGN Reporter
Eugene NomuraJapanese Reporter
Euri NomuraHinata
Octavia Chavez-RichmondReal World Coffee Shop Server
Raj JawaQuad-Screen Gamer
Charlie LehmerQuad-Screen Gamer
Elainy MataQuad-Screen Gamer
Jack McLaglenQuad-Screen Gamer
Jose Guns AlvesSoonami Security Guard
Minh-Anh DaySoonami Employee
Ella FariaAustrian Female Gamer
Francisco MarquezBank Robber #1
Owen BurkeBank Robber #2
Timothy SmithBank Robber #3
Justin JohnstonBank Robber #4
Patrick Vincent CurranMasked Player in Alley
Lily Steven20-Year-Old Female Gamer
Gabrielle Lorthe20-Year-Old Female Gamer
Briana Mitchell20-Year-Old Female Gamer
Rosario CorsoSilhouetted Gamer
Regina TaufenVacuuming Mom
Liam CamposKid Gamer
Piper AcordContestant
Brett SchneiderContestant
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Lin HultSpecialty Non Playable Character (as Lin Hultgren)
C.G. AlexanderBusiness Man NPC (uncredited)
Al Saif AlshadRasel (uncredited)
Nelson AquinoCoffee Shop NPC (uncredited)
Domenic ArduinoSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Jeff AvigianPolice Officer (uncredited)
Ralph AyalaSecurity NPC (uncredited)
Michael Balzano IIIBank Business Man NPC (uncredited)
Jeff BouffardPolice Officer NPC (uncredited)
Joshua BrownPedestrian (uncredited)
Ben BunnagSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Deanna BuonomoStreet NPC (uncredited)
Jamaal BurcherMaintenance Man (uncredited)
Cheryl BurchfieldShubuya Street Pedestrian (uncredited)
Christian CibottiTaxi Driver (uncredited)
Isabelle Jeanne CotneySoonami Tech (uncredited)
Joey CourteauBounty Hunter Avatar (uncredited)
Marisa DeFrancoNPC (uncredited)
Janelle FeigleyJogger (uncredited)
Tait FletcherViking Warrior / Security (uncredited)
Meg FoxAvatar / NPC Motorcyclist (uncredited)
Russell J. GannonCoffee Shop NPC (uncredited)
Heidi GarrowAvatar / NPC (uncredited)
Omar Moustafa GhonimCarjacking Victim (uncredited)
Brett GirardDancing Cowboy Avatar (uncredited)
Elaine Victoria GreyBusiness Atmos (uncredited)
Shannon HartmanFemale Game Reporter (uncredited)
Lizzie HavocAvatar (uncredited)
Matthew HayesGame Reporter (uncredited)
Kimberly HoweBlue Avatar (uncredited)
Anthony JonReal World Guy (uncredited)
Emma JonnzEmma (uncredited)
Patrick KeeffeSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Nate KillianSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Nikki KimSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Laurie KwiatkowskiHomeless Woman (uncredited)
Martin LeeBartender (uncredited)
Michael MarchandFire Fighter (uncredited)
Derek MellorStreet NPC (uncredited)
Adrian M. MompointAvatar (uncredited)
Chela MorinTsunami Tech (uncredited)
Fady NaguibJordan (uncredited)
Cassidy NealPolice Officer NPC (uncredited)
Ej NeriSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Jonathan NevesCyclist (uncredited)
Joseph OliveiraBartender (uncredited)
Levon PanekAvatar (uncredited)
Kelly PokrywkaPreppy Girl NPC (uncredited)
Nathan PorterCyclist (uncredited)
Leah ProcitoBank Teller (uncredited)
Jeannine ReardonReal World Street Pedestrian / Coffee Shop Patron (uncredited)
Ethan RodgersSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Rodrigo SantosStorm Trooper Avatar (uncredited)
Jordan Sartor-FrancisWorkout Brad (uncredited)
Brandon ScalesBusinessman NPC (uncredited)
Austin SimoneTsunami Security Guard (uncredited)
David Arthur SousaHomeless Man (uncredited)
Kailey SumnerSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Alyssa TalbotSoonami Tech (uncredited)
Anastasia TsikhanavaAvatar (uncredited)
Stephanie VachonReal World Girl (uncredited)
Ian WallaceVideo Game Reporter (uncredited)
Kaitlyn WebsterAvatar (uncredited)
Madison WilsonSoonami Tech (uncredited)
JJ WrightBus Driver (uncredited)
Vanessa ZamarripaMugger (uncredited)

*Neyz reads the tag-line*

N: “A bank teller discovers that he’s actually an NPC inside a brutal, open world video game.”

W: That’s definitely an interesting concept.

646. Teen Wolf (1985)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair wearing a black Men’s Warehouse suit with a black tie and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Dr. Pepper*

W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so but enter. Enter my lair if you dare, I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock levitates, shoots fire into the sky and makes the ground rumble before walking inside*

W: Its a special day here at Warlock’s Movie Realm as we are celebrating our SEVENTH Anniversary today! That’s right, 7 years ago today Mr. America and I caught Don’t Look In The Cellar after a suggestion from a friend of mine. Before we get to the movie I’d like to thanks Neyzor Blades, Lady T, Thug D, my father, Mr. Wallstreet, Gilberto Del Rio and Mr. America here for their contributions the last seven years. Also shout outs to noted scientist Dr. Taylor Ahearn along with Jon Blaze and Nate The Average for their contributions in the early days. Also thanks to anyone whoever donated or suggested entries for this series. Now that the mushy stuff is out of the way, let’s get to tonight’s movie.

*Mr. America is on the right side of the couch wearing a black Joseph A Bank suit along with aviator shades*

America: About time, what abomination are we watching tonight?

W: That’s the thing, its not going to be bad. Yes, we started with a bad movie but tonight we’ll be watching a GOOD movie.

*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*

N: Your idea of good isn’t promising.

W: Tonight I guarantee it. This year’s anniversary special is the 1985 teen comedy TEEN WOLF.

A: The Michael J Fox movie?

W: That’s the one. For those that don’t remember, Michael plays an ordinary teen on the basketball team that suddenly transforms into a werewolf. Rather than murder everyone in sight like every other werewolf, Michael instead uses his powers to become a basketball superstar and most popular kid in school. Its cheesy, its corny and its the 80’s. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for TEEN WOLF.

Written by Jeph Loeb and Matthew Weisman

Directed by Rod Daniel

Cast:

Michael J. FoxScott Howard
James HamptonHarold Howard
Susan UrsittiBoof
Jerry LevineStiles
Matt AdlerLewis
Lorie GriffinPamela
James MacKrellMr. Thorne (as Jim MacKrell)
Mark ArnoldMick
Jay TarsesCoach Finstock
Mark HoltonChubby
Scott PaulinKirk Lolley
Elizabeth GorceyTina
Melanie ManosGina
Doug SavantBrad
Charles ZuckerMalcolm
Harvey VernonOld Man Clerk
Clare PeckMiss Hoyt
Gregory ItzinEnglish Teacher
Doris HessScience Teacher
Troy EvansDragon Basketball Coach
Lynda WiesmeierRhonda
Rodney KageyamaJanitor (as Rod Kageyama)
Carl StevenWhistle Boy
Richard BrooksLemonade
Richard DomeierLinebacker (as Rick Domeier)
Brian SheehanCadet No. 5
Jay FootlikStudent #1
Richard BakerReferee
Fred NelsonMeechum Basketball Coach
Tanna HerrThe Beaver
Kris HagertyFan #2
Mark L. FlowersDragon Bowler
Larry B. DaughertyBasketball Player
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Tamara CarreraStudent (uncredited)
Cort McCownTeammate (uncredited)
Douglas M. NelsonStudent (uncredited)
Erika PearsonBasketball Fan (uncredited)
Michael Joseph PierceStudent (uncredited)
Mikul RobinsDancing kid (uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “An ordinary high school student discovers that his family has an unusual pedigree when he finds himself turning into a werewolf.”

W: Nice choice of words, pedigree, ha!

645. Salome (1922)

*The Warlock is in his lair at the kitchen table on his computer observing noted film critic Tengy giving her critique of a 1922 silent film called SALOME*

T: This one is pretty interesting. Its based on the play by Oscar Wilde and also the look of it is based on the artwork of the fabulous Aubrey Beardsley.

*Warlock takes a swig of Dr. Pepper from his Mega Pint*

T: The other interesting thing about it is it stars Alla Nazimova who was one of the great female stars of her period. She’s also the producer of this movie which was incredibly rare in 1923.

W: Damn right, women weren’t producers back then.

T: This is said to be one of the first American art films.

W: Art film?

*After a while Warlock exits out of the video and spins around*

W: Welcome back to Warlock’s Movie Realm for something completely random. Today we are going to catch the 1922 silent art film SALOME. Why? Tengy recommended it. From what I gather, its an adaptation of an Oscar Wilde play that’s based off the bible story of King Herod. Not only does Alla Nazimova star in it, she’s an uncredited director and producer back when women weren’t known to be producers. Now, “art” films aren’t my thing but any time you get a pre-code movie that pushes the envelope, its always worth a one time look. Now the double good news is its in the Public Domain so I can just film my TV directly and its only 72 minutes long. If it sucks, at least its short. So, can Charles Bryant capture the spirt of Oscar Wilde….and can Oscar Wilde capture the spirit of King Herod? Let’s find out. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for SALOME.

Written by Oscar Wilde, Natacha Rambova and Alla Nazimova

Directed by Charles Bryant and Alla Nazimova

Cast:

Alla NazimovaSalome – Stepdaughter of Herod (as Nazimova)
Nigel De BrulierJokaanan, the Prophet
Mitchell LewisHerod, Tetrarch of Judea
Rose DioneHerodias – wife of Herod
Earl SchenckNarraboth, Captain of the Guard
Arthur JasminePage of Herodias
Frederick PetersNaaman, the Executioner
Louis DumarTigellinus

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “Salome, the daughter of Herodias, seduces her step-father/uncle Herod, governor of Judea, with a salacious dance. In return, he promises her the head of the prophet John the Baptist.”

W: At least they’re trying to make it an accurate bible representation

644. Sniper (1993)

*The Warlock is in the Grand Wizard’s Palace wearing a Ruthless Records t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Barq’s Root Beer*

W: Welcome to my father’s place for a completely random movie. While scrolling through Vizio we found a movie starring Tom Berenger from 1993 called SNIPER. Apparently Tom plays a marine sniper charges with taking out a crooked Panamanian general and his drug lord benefactor. Billy Zane plays a rookie that has to follow Tom around for 95 minutes. I have no idea if this is going to be good but Tom Berenger movies are usually damn good. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for SNIPER.

Written by Michael Frost Beckner and Crash Leyland

Directed by Luios Llosa

Cast:

Tom BerengerThomas Beckett
Billy ZaneRichard Miller
J.T. WalshChester Van Damme
Aden YoungDoug Papich
Kenneth RadleyEl Cirujano (as Ken Radley)
Reynaldo ArenasCacique (as Reinaldo Arenas)
Gary SwansonNSC Officer in Washington
Hank GarrettAdmiral in Washington
Frederick MiragliottaGeneral Miguel Alavarez
Vanessa SteeleMrs. Alvarez
Carlos ÁlvarezRaul Ochoa (as Carlos Alvarez)
Tyler CoppinRipoly (as Tyler Copin)
Teo GebertRipoly’s Friend
Edward WileyDeSilva
William CurtinMountain Top Pilot
Howard BosseMountain Top Co-Pilot
Christos A. LinouMountain Top Sniper
Christopher MorsleySoldier at Pool Table
Don BatteeSoldier at Bar (as Donald Battee)
Raj SidhuSoldier in Barn
Roy EdmundsCabrera (as Roy Edmonds)
Johnny RaaenCrew Chief
Loury CortezFather Ruiz
Jorge BustamanteRebel Captain at Extraction
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Rex LinnColonel (uncredited)
Antony SzetoBoat Rebel (uncredited)

*Wizard reads the tag-line*

Wi: “A veteran US Marine sniper is partnered with a rookie sniper as his spotter to take out a politician and a rebel leader in the jungles of Panama.”

W: Hope this is good.

643. The Honeymoon Killers (1970)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a Reptar t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Barq’s Root Beer*

W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock levitates before walking inside*

W: Serial Killers are an interesting topic, especially when movies come out based on them. Some of them can have fun with them such as Dahmer vs Gacy, others are as serious as a car crash such as Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer. Then you have some of the lesser known ones such as the focus of today’s movie. Today I am putting on the 1970 crime drama THE HONEYMOON KILLERS. Before I get into the movie plot, I do know a little about the actual people. Ray Fernandez and Martha Beck would find single ads in the local paper, show up and kill the poor lonely people between 1947 and 1949. Martha in real life had two children with two different men and abandoned those kids to go on the crime spree with Ray. Now for the movie, Shirley Stoler and Tony Lo Bianco star as the killer couple and for some reason one of the movie’s drawing points was the overweight Stoler in her underwear. Martin Scorsese was the original director of this but got fired shortly after so we’ll never know how his vision would have turned out. Still, having a fat lady in her underwear on camera was uncommon in 1969….hell it still is due to various reasons, so props for the originality.

*The Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

Now, will this movie actually be good? Its filmed in black and white to give it the classic feel and its only an hour and 47 minutes long so if it sucks, at least it won’t be too long to suffer through. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for THE HONEYMOON KILLERS.

Written by Leonard Kastle

Directed by Marton Scorsese and Leonard Kastle

Cast:

Shirley StolerMartha Beck
Tony Lo BiancoRay Fernandez
Mary Jane HigbyJanet Fay
Doris RobertsBunny
Kip McArdleDelphine Downing
Marilyn ChrisMyrtle Young
Dortha DuckworthMrs. Beck – Martha’s Mother
Barbara CasonEvelyn Long
Ann HarrisDoris
Mary BreenRainelle Downing
Elsa RavenMatron
Mary EngelLucy
Guy SorelMr. Dranoff
Michael HaleyJackson (as Mike Haley)
Diane AsselinSeverns
William AdamsJustice of the Peace (as Col. William Adams)
Eleanor AdamsMrs. Hand

*Warlocks reads the tag-line*

W: “An obese, embittered nurse doesn’t mind if her toupee-wearing boyfriend romances and fleeces other women, as long as he takes her along on his con jobs.”

W: Obese??? I’ve seen Shirley Stoler in movies before, she’s fat but she’s not obese. That’s a lie.

642. Return To The Blue Lagoon (1991)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a Rick & Morty t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a Mega Pint of Dr. Pepper*

W: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock makes the ground rumble before walking inside*

W: As you all know Mr. Wallstreet graciously donated a 2-pack for me to watch and last week I covered the 1980 incest romance The Blue Lagoon. Apparently the major domos in Hollywood decided “Hey, let’s do it again” so tonight’s movie is the sequel RETURN TO THE BLUE LAGOON. As if the first time wasn’t bad enough, in 1991 the sequel was made this time starring 16 year old Milla Jovovich in the Brooke Shields role. The story this time is after the boat carrying the trio from the first movie is found, only the infant is left alive. Somehow the infant along with his new family is shipwrecked on the same exact island he came from and we start the whole damn thing over again. The only noteworthy casting choice is we got Garette Ratliff Henson as the younger male also known as Guy Germaine to Mighty Ducks fame. I have a bad feeling about this one because if its going to be the exact same movie, what’s the point? Still, Milla Jovovich is never bad to look at so this may be better. Plus I doubt by 1991 standards teenage nudity has been abolished so we’ll be spared that much. Ready to do it again for an hour and 42 minutes? You better be, grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for RETURN TO THE BLUE LAGOON.

Written by Henry De Vere Stacpoole and Leslie Stevens

Directed by William A Graham

Cast:

Milla JovovichLilli Hargrave
Brian KrauseRichard Lestrange
Lisa PelikanSarah Hargrave
Courtney BarillaYoung Lilli (as Courtney Phillips)
Garette Ratliff HensonYoung Richard (as Garette Patrick Ratliff)
Emma JamesInfant Lilli
Jackson BartonInfant Richard
Nana CoburnSylvia Hilliard
Brian BlainCaptain Jacob Hilliard
Peter HehirQuinlan
Alexander PetersonsGiddens
John MannFirst Captain
Wayne PygramKearney
John DicksPenfield
Gus MercurioFirst Mate
John TurnbullDawes
Todd RipponGullion
John KeightleyLestrange
Pita DegeiChief
Mikaele NasauLone Cannibal
Annabel GrahamBaby (as Annabel E. Graham)

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “In this sequel to The Blue Lagoon (1980), two children are stranded on a beautiful island in the South Pacific. With no adults to guide them, the two make a simple life together and eventually become suntanned teenagers in love.”

W: I know this is based off the book, but did we really need to see the same exact story again?