*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, Death Row Records t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a platinum chalice of Dr. Pepper*
W: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock shoots a lightning bolt and walks inside*
W: A couple of days ago when we did Sleepless in Seattle, Neyzor Blades asked if we were doing a famous chick flick by Tom Hanks. It wasn’t the one she was thinking of…..that comes tonight. For Tom Hanks Appreciation Month, tonight we do the other of his famous chick flicks, YOU’VE GOT MAIL.
*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*
N: I think I saw this once.
W: Just like Sleepless, my mother and my sister love YOU’VE GOT MAIL. Once again it stars Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan only the roles are a little different. This time Tom is a cocky, arrogant book publishing magnate and Meg runs a mom and pop store that’s being shut down by Tom. What either don’t know is they meet in an online chatroom and their online personnas become friends. The internet was starting to get hot in 1998 and this movie took advantage of it. Now, as with Sleepless, if you’re a guy this may not be for you. So let’s see if this is a good story. Grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for YOU’VE GOT MAIL.
Written by Miklos Laszlo, Nora and Delia Ephron
Directed by Nora Ephron
Cast:
Joe Fox (Tom Hanks)
Kathleen Kelly (Meg Ryan)
Frank Navasky (Greg Kinnear)
Patricia Eden (Parker Posey)
Birdie Conrad (Jean Stapleton)
George Pappas (Steve Zahn)
Christina Plutzker (Heather Burns)
Kevin Jackson (Dave Chappelle)
Nelson Fox (Dabney Coleman)
Schuyler Fox (John Randolph)
Annabelle Fox (Hallee Hirsh)
Matt Fox (Jeffrey Scaperrotta)
Gillian Quinn (Cara Seymour)
Maureen (Katie Finneran)
Charlie (Michael Badalucco)
Veronica Grant (Deborah Rush)
Miranda Marguiles (Veanne Cox)
Vince Mancini (Bruce Jay Friedman)
Rose (Sara Ramirez)
Henry (Howard Spiegel)
Shoppers (Diane Sokolow, Julie Kass, Michelle Blakely, Meredith White, Dianne Dreyer, Julie Galdieri, Leila Nichols, Mary A Kelly)
Party Guests (Reiko Aylesworth, Neil Bonin, Bill McHugh, Jason Cicardo, Alfonso Gomez-Rejon)
Young Kathleen (Katie Sagona)
Cecilia Kelly (Kathry Meisle)
TV Reporter (Nina Zoie Lam)
Theater Patron (Maggie Murphy)
Salesperson (Chris Messina)
Man (Ronobir Lahiri)
Waiter (Andre Sogliuzzo)
Capeman (Peter Mian)
Customers (Richard Cohen, Enzo Angileri, George F Miller, Jerry Rees)
Juggler (Nick Brown)
Sarah Mancini (Ann Fleuchaus)
Decorator (Santiago Quinones)
Yvette Fox (Lynn Grossman)
Twins Mother (Dolores Sirianni)
Florist (Nicole Bernadette)
Sydney Anne (Jane Adams)
Restaurant Patron (Cecelia Antoinette)
You’ve Got Mail Voice (Elwood Edwards)
Johnny (Doug Ferony)
Young Joe Fox (Gideon Jacobs)
Doorman (Brick Mason)
Male Runner (Scott Mullin)
Bookstore Kid (Logan Steinhardt)
Business Executive (Anthony Welch)
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
W: “Two business rivals who despise each other in real life unwittingly fall in love over the internet”
N: That would never happen now.
*Movie opens with old computer log in*
W: I still hear that dial up in my ears 20 years later.
*Opening song*
W: That’s supposed to be New York?
N: Yes.
W: Sounds like the female version of Randy Newman.
*Apartment is shown*
W: Burglar!
*Alarm goes off and Frank kisses Kathleen awake*
W: She always had the cutest hair styles.
*Kath watches Frank leave for work*
W: Why?
*Kath runs to the computer, logs in as Shopgirl on AOL and it says “Welcome, You’ve got mail”
W: Ugh, the days of my youth.
*Kath reads the email sent by her online bf who turns out to be Joe Fox. Patricia is Joe’s real girlfriend*
W: Parker Posey.
*Joe watches Patricia leave before he runs to his computer*
W: You know the sad part is this shit actually happens. One girl I knew in high school broke up with her bf to date some guy online.
*Joe’s screename is NY152, Kathleen is Shopgirl. Her email says the highlight of her day is hearing “you’ve got mail”*
W: My sister used to watch this movie religiously.
N: I think my mom had the soundtrack.
*Joe walks into Starbucks as Kathleen leaves. They walk side by side and don’t even know it*
W: Nice jaywalk.
*Kevin Jackson talks with Joe*
N: Dave Chappelle!!!
*Jackson assumes Joe and Patricia got engaged and Joe looks scared to death*
W: Look at his face, he hates her.
*Joe’s M.O. is that he runs a book chain, Fox Books. Kathleen runs a tiny shop called The Shop Around The Corner. Christina is her clerk*
N: She was in Miss Congeniality.
*Christina figures out Kath is in love, Kath claims its with Frank*
W: Uh huh.
*Kath tells Christina how she met NY152 in an over 30 chatroom. George walks in looking miserable after he was rejected on the internet. Birdie walks in before the kids walk in*
W: Steve Zahn is funny.
*Joe is with his father and grandfather. His father is Nelson and grandfather is Schuyler. Joe says a bookstore went out of business and his father laughs with them*
W: These guys are scumbags.
*Joe wants to shut down Shop Around The Corner but Schuyler says that was Cecilia Kelly’s store. Schuyler and her dated once and her daughter owns the store now. Nelson says it sucks for her. Joe and Kath email each other and says his father is getting married to a decorator from Caesar’s Palace*
W: Hahahahha.
*Kath says she’s read Pride & Pedjudice 200 times and Joe tries to read it*
N: My favorite!
W: Oh god its you and me.
*Joe emails complaining about Starbucks*
W: Hear hear.
N: It is us.
*George walks down the street with Christine and Kath and they spot a sign for Fox Books incoming. They bitch about it*
W: She has no idea haha
*Frank uses a typewriter and loves the sound it makes*
W: A typewriter? In 1998?
N: Typewriters are still useful.
W: Can’t argue that.
*Kath emails Joe about how her life is a void. Next day Joe works on a boat and two kids run up*
N: The little boy is his half-brother.
*Gillian and Maureen the nanny show up, Gillian says she’s his wicked stepmother. Annabel taught Max how to spell his name and Joe is delighted. Montage of them having fun set to Rockin Robin*
W: My dad sings this.
*Joe rides around on a kiddie merry go round*
W: Hahahahaha.
*Joe takes the kids to Shop Around The Corner to listen to Kath read to children*
W: Ha, they have no idea who each other is.
*Kath meets Annabel and suggests some books. She introduces Joe as her nephew and Kath thinks she’s being funny. Joe says no, that’s really his aunt, his grandfather’s daughter. Kath says Matt is his uncle and Joe says no, his brother. His father’s son. George asks if he’s coming back and Joe says sure. Kath says Fox Books is moving in soon and Annabel gets excited but Joe quiets her and drags the kids away before they reveal their identity. Joe almost gives up how he knows Kath’s mother as George rings up Joe for $73. Kath says Fox Books can go to hell. Joe chuckles nervously and leaves. Next frame is Splash Splash by Bobby Darin playing over Fox Books opening*
N: This is like Barnes & Noble.
W: That’s the point.
*Birdie says they’re $1,200 in the hole thanks to Fox Books and Christine freaks out thinking they’re going to fold. George says that’s impossible. George runs out the door and Miranda runs in. Miranda is worried they’re going out of business but Kath says don’t worry about it. Miranda says Frank badmouthed Fox Books. Next frame is Frank and Kath going to a party*
N: Watch this.
*Joe and Patricia are at the party as well. Joe tries to hide*
W: Haha he jumps out the window.
*Kath finds Joe at the bar and he tries to avoid conversation. Some old guy runs up and reveals he’s Joe Fox of Fox Books. Joe starts quoting The Godfather*
W: I’ll be watching that soon.
*Kath says he rented the children to spy on her. She yells at him for stealing caviar and he admits that the kids are real and that was the only children’s bookstore in town…for now. Frank walks up and introduces himself and Kath says its Joe Fox. Frank asks how he sleeps at night and Patricia butts in saying an over the counter drug. Patricia introduces herself as big fan of Frank and they hit it off. Frank takes the knife out of Kath’s hands*
W: Hahahahha.
*Joe and Kath has to drag their spouses away from each other*
W: I see where this is going.
*Patricia rants about Frank but Joe isn’t tired. He goes to the computer to shoot an email to Kath and says he feels like he’s the worst version of himself. Kath responds to his email*
W: Meg Ryan was 37 at the time of this movie, Tom was 42.
N: Who cares?
*Joe and Kath continue to email and Joe asks if they should meet. Kath doesn’t respond as Louie Armstrong plays a tune in a montage of Joe and Kath running into each other. They do their best to hide from each other*
N: Ha, she’s trying to hide.
W: Hahahaha
*Rose the cashier yells at Kath for using a credit card in a cash only line. The whole line yells at her until Joe shows up. Henry yells at them both. Joe passive aggressively makes Rose zip her card through his credit card machine. Joe tells everyone Happy Thanksgiving and they yell at him*
W: Ha.
*Annabel sings Tomorrow to Joe and his family*
N: This is cute.
*Gillian feels up Joe and he looks horrified*
W: Hahahaha look at his face.
N: That’s weird.
*Annabel sings*
W: Nails on a chalkboard.
N: She’s like 7.
*Meanwhile Frank, George, Birdie, Kath and Christine sing but don’t know the words*
W: That’s the best part when you make it up.
*Birdie spots Miranda advertised to appear at Fox Books. Nobody is coming in to Shop Around The Corner as people walk by with Fox Books bags. Kath emails Joe saying she misses her mother*
N: That’s so sad.
*Joe sends an IM to Kath and they IM back and forth*
W: Oh god, the instant message. I remember those.
*Joe’s advice is to “go to the mattresses”
W: Ha, another Godfather reference.
*Joe explains what that means. She asks what’s with men and The Godfather. Joe puts over The Godfather as the greatest thing ever made. He quotes “leave the gun, take the cannolis” “monday, tuesday wednesday thursday” and “go to the mattresses”
W: I can quote that word for word.
N: Yeah, just like Meg Ryan said.
*Frank runs in an flops on the bed*
W: Would have been funny if the bed broke and the laptop went flying.
N: No it wouldn’t.
*Kath tells Frank they need to fight Fox Books and he knows about going to the mattresses*
W: Hahaha.
*Frank writes a column bashing Fox Books for trying to put Shop Around The Corner out of business. Kath shadow boxes and says “Float like a butterfly, sing like a bee”
W: Ha.
*People picket Fox Books and Joe, Schuyler and Nelson scoff. Schuyler says its pissing him off*
N: Ha.
*Jackson barely walks on the treadmill at the gym while Joe runs and says Kath isn’t as nice as she is on television. Jackson asks if he feels bad putting her out of business. Joe is portrayed as a jerk on TV and he’s mad that they left out a lot of things that he said about how good Fox Books is. Kath says she’s met Joe and Joe says his books are like olive oil. He falls off the treadmill*
W: Oh god.
*Frank goes on TV and puts over Shop Around The Corner and the reporter hits on him. Kath spots it and he laughs it off. Frank then hits on the reporter on TV and he feels embarrassed. At the store, George rants and raves as Birdie tells Kath their sales haven’t changed. Birdie looks at an old photo of Cecilia and asks what they should do*
W: Awwww.
*Kath wants to meet Joe and he agrees, Both of them are nervous and Joe goes over the battle plan with Jackson. Joe freaks out and Jackson tells him to calm down. He says how he always runs away from relationships*
N: Haha love Dave.
*Joe says he’s crazy about this woman and she could be less attractive than a mailbox and he’d still marry her. He tells Kevin to check out the Cafe for him. He spots a woman holding a book and its Kath. He tells Joe she’s very pretty and Joe celebrates. Jackson lets it slip that its Kathleen Kelly. Joe runs up to check it out and it IS Kathleen Kelly who he’s been chatting with all along. Jackson asks what he’s going to do and Joe says he’s going to stand her up. He goes to leave as Kath sits and waits*
W: He’s not gonna stand her up, is he?
*Joe walks in and Kathleen looks down trying to hide. Joe walks up to her and sits down, pretending that he’s not NY152*
W: Ha, I get what he’s doing.
*Joe nonchalantly sits down and says he’ll wait until her friend gets there. She says he’s a horrible and insensitive person and he plays off of it. She begs him to leave and he gets up, taking the seat behind her*
W and N: Hahahaha.
*She claims the first time they met he lied about who he was. He turns serious and says he didn’t lie to her. Some weirdo in a cape walks in and Joe says “I take a wild guess that’s not him”
W and N: Hahahha.
*Kath says NY152 is everything Joe is not. He’s kind, wonderful and there’s not a cruel bone in his body. She calls Joe every name in the book saying he’ll never be remembered but her mother is still remembered to this day. Joe is speechless and leaves. Later on Kath throws the rose in the trash*
N: That’s so sad.
*Kath hops online and has no mail. Dream by Roy Orbison plays as both Kath and Joe are sad*
W: Roy Orbison.
N: You would know that.
*Joe tells Jackson that he’s crazy about Kath but can’t tell her. Kath tells Christine she got stood up. Kath says he must have got in an accident. George walks in and wonders who got killed. Kath says she got stood up and George is confused*
W: Is everybody in on this?
*George looks at the newspaper and says the rooftop killer was caught and NY152 was him*
W: HAHAHHAHAHAAHAHAHHAA!!!!!
*Christine says Frank could be the Unibomber*
W and N: Hahahaha
*Birdie walks in and George tells her Kath was stood up. Kath sends an email to NY152 and talks about how she stood up for herself against Joe. She still wants to talk even though she got stood up. Joe feels sad about what he did and logs off*
N: He’s feeling guilty.
*Joe looks at his screensaver*
W: Those used to be the shit.
*Joe shoots an email back saying he’s in Vancouver before deleting it. He then gives a cockamamie story of how he got caught in a browned out building before deleting that to. He takes his suit coat off and tells the truth that he chickened out. He feels terrible about it and is sorry for hurting her. Kath tells Christine that they could be like George Bernard Shaw*
W: Hahahaha, he had a penpal.
*Birdie says they need to close the store and Kath feels like a big fat failure*
W: She’s not fat.
N: That’s not the point.
*Birdie says she’s rich because she bought Intel at six and her bf ran Spain. Generalissimo Franco*
W: BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Generalissimo Franco is still dead!
N: What?
W: Legendary SNL joke.
*Frank and Kath talk about Birdie falling for fascist dictators. They attend a movie together and a patron tells Frank to keep quiet. Frank “The hot dog is singing, you need quiet when a hot dog is singing?”
W: Hahahahahaha
*Frank brings her to a restaurant and says he doesn’t love her. She celebrates and says she doesn’t love him either. Frank is relieved and she asks if he got with Sidney-Ann. He says not yet. She asks if she’s a Republican and he says he can’t help himself. He asks if she’s seeing anyone else and she says only a dream of a guy. He takes his typewriters and leaves as the next day Shop Around The Corner is closing*
W: Losing her store, lost her bf and she’s keeping cool.
N: Uh huh.
*Song says “Remember”
W: What are we remembering?
*Kath walks into Fox Books and the place is nicer than she thought. She walks upstairs and there’s a play area and library for the children*
W: Tom Hanks tried to mention this but nobody listened.
*Kath sits in the children’s section as Joe watches from a distance. Kath tells a customer and an employee who the author of the Shoe books were. Joe admirers her from afar and tells Patricia about it and Patricia puts her over as a great person. She wants to hire Kath and blames Joe for putting her out of business. Charlie the elevator guy says hi to Joe. Joe is stuck in the elevator with Charlie, Patricia and another woman. Joe says they’re stuck and Patricia freaks out. Joe tells Juan to call the Super then 9-1-1. Charlie says to jump in the air*
W: That’s not gonna help.
*Everyone jumps, nothing happens*
W: Anybody got a deck of cards?
*The random woman is thinking of her mom. Charlie says if he gets out of there, he should marry his girlfriend. Patricia says she’s having her eyes lasered if she gets out of there. Joe goes to speak but Patricia screams about her tic-tacs. Joe emails Kath that he broke up with Patricia without actually saying so. Kath emails back about her store closing. She feels like the place died and so did her mother all over again*
N: That’s sad.
*Flashback of young Kath with young Cecilia*
W: Painting Joe out to be a jerk.
N: He is.
*Kath leaves Around The Corner for the last time*
W: Such a shame.
*Sign says they’re closing after 42 years and thanks everyone for their support*
W: This better have a happy ending in the next 27 minutes.
*Joe walks with his dog and meets Nelson. Nelson broke up with Gillian and moves into the boat next door*
W: Ha.
*Blooper occurs as Nelson tells Joe that Gillian ran off with Maureen*
W: Aw ya see that? He put olives into the martini glass twice.
N: Oh yeah.
*Joe goes to give flowers to Kath to Stevie Wonder’s Signed Sealed Delivered*
W: Great soundtrack.
*Kath pretends to be sick to avoid letting him in but some guy opens the door for Joe to get in. Joe knocks on her door and the place is a complete mess and she’s in her pj’s*
N: Been there before.
*Kath goes off on him and tells him to get lost and Joe plays off that she’s sick and starts tending the house. Apparently George works for Fox now and Joe knows she loves daisies. Kath tells Joe that NY152 broke up with his gf in an elevator*
W: Ha.
*Joe says he can only be horrible so she’s entitled to hate him. He brings up Pride & Prejudice and says it wasn’t personal. Kath opens up that it was personal to a lot of people that loved the store. She wonders why he stopped by and he wants to be friends even though its impossible*
W: Why doesn’t he just tell her?
N: Then the movie would be over.
W: Exactly! We got 20 minutes left.
*Joe tells Kath to run off with NY152 and she says she barely knows the guy. He says he’s happy for him and says to meet him soon or she’ll regret it. They look at each other*
W: He’s stringing her along.
*Joe as NY152 says they need to meet but is in the middle of a project that needs tweaking. Joe as himself scoffs about that. Joe says he’s married with 3 kids. Kath scoffs and then emails asking if he’s married. Joe as NY152 doesn’t actually answer the question and Joe as himself scoffs at him. Joe says maybe he’s fat. “He’s fat, he’s a fatty. He’s so fat he has to be removed from his house by a crane*
W: Hahahahahhahaha
*Joe as himself scoffs at the 152 in the screen name. They bond over the 152 and she says maybe its his address. Kath says she can never be with someone with a boat, Joe says he has a boat. Joe says he could never be someone who likes Joni Mitchell*
N: Ha, she loves Joni Mitchell.
*Kath tells Joe that NY152 inspired to help her start writing. She wonders why she keeps bumping into him and he says to bump into him Saturday at lunch time. Joe as NY152 wants to meet Saturday at 4 PM. Joe as himself on the lunch date wonders who it could be. He jokes that it could be the Zipper Man. Joe then turns serious and asks if they weren’t rivals and if they just met, would she have liked him. He says they wouldn’t have anything to fight about and they’d be perfect. Kath says they could never be together. Joe asks how she could forgive NY152 for standing her up but not himself for putting her out of business. She doesn’t answer, she says she has to go*
W: Okay, how are you gonna end this, buddy?
*Later Kath runs out of her apartment*
N: Her dress has no pockets and she’s not holding her key.
*Kath goes to where NY152 wanted to meet and no one is there. Brinkley the dog shows up and Joe walks up to her. She’s amazed*
W: She’d shoot him in real life as a stalker.
*Kath cries and Joe tells her not to cry. She admits she wanted it to be Joe all along. He kisses her*
W: Kind of unrealistic but sure.
*Brinkley barks*
N: Its a babiesssss.
*Panoramic view, THE END*
W: Wow, a 2 hour movie that could have ended 20 minutes into it.
N: You waited the whole movie just to hear him say “He’s a fatty?”
W: I guess.
Neyzor Blades Assessment; I give it a 6, its cute I guess.
Warlock’s Assessment: Complete chick flick but the ending was kind of meh. She just went with it, no questions about this being a conspiracy all along, no “how could you lie all this time”, just “Im glad its you”…..I give it a 7 out of 10
Final Grade: 6.5 out of 10 – Very Good
*Warlock rises from the couch*
W: Well guys that was YOU’VE GOT MAIL…let me shut that off. I will say it wasn’t as good as Sleepless but its still a good movie for what it is. Like I said, any man looking for Apollo 13, Da Vinci Code or Saving Private Ryan is in the wrong part of town. If you’re a woman, you’re gonna love it. Just like Sleepless it has good acting, an easy to follow story and a memorable soundtrack. The only thing I have to squawk about is the ending. It could have been a little bit better considering what the two of them had been through to lead up to this point. I’m not gonna complain too much considering the genre and audience his movie was made for. I can’t bash it for too much except for the ending, which may throw some people off. Otherwise, I can recommend it if you know what you’re in for. Well that about wraps up another edition of TOM HANKS APPRECIATION MONTH here at the Realm. Now leave me alone before I whoop ya damn ass!
Warlock's Movie Realm 