688. Attack of The Giant Leeches (1959)

<When we last left off, The Warlock and Mr. America had seemingly freed Neyzor Blades by finishing the second to last movie in the S.O.F. Project only to be ambushed by the Demonic Toys. Thankfully with the help of Thug D, which the Toys wasn’t expecting, three of the Toys were defeated with America and Warlock taking Oopsy Daisy hostage. Warlock and America had gone through the portal back to hell with Oopsy in tow>

*Warlock shoves Oopsy Daisy*

W: Get moving.

Oopsy: Hey that’s child abuse!

A: Hope you know what you’re doing.

W: I do.

*Daisy leads them back to the room with Lucinda trapped on the wall*

Oopsy: I don’t know what you want, you’ve won.

W: Not yet, we still have one movie left to finish and I know for a fact Lou would never let us finish now that our crew is free. Freeing Lucinda wouldn’t make a difference. No, this ends here and now. You’ve won.

A: What??

Oopsy: What do you mean I’ve won?

W: You win. Free Lucinda and put me up there.

A: Warlock!

*Warlock winks at America and mouths “Highway” before looking back at Daisy*

W: Take me, just let them go through the portal.

*Warlock levitates to open a portal then lowers down*

W: Now swap me with Lucinda.

*Oopsy smiles*

Oopsy: Have it your way.

*Daisy’s eyes roll back as Lucinda’s body and Warlock’s swap with Warlock now trapped in the chains as Lucinda collapses into America’s arms*

Oopsy: Now get the hell out of here.

*America carries Lucinda through the portal and it closes. Oopsy looks up at Warlock*

Oopsy: The boss will be happy about this. By the way if you think we’re gonna let your friend run away with Lucinda you got another thing coming.

W: I can’t believe how stupid you are. Did you really think I hadn’t already thought of that?

Oopsy: What do you mean?

*Warlock closes his eyes and leans his head back*

Oopsy: Whatever you fucking weirdo. I’m gonna go back through the portal, kill that asshole Thug D and then I’m gonna kill your friend for running off with Lucinda……wait, what?

*All of a sudden the chains on Warlock are frozen with ice and he smashes his way out, jumping to the ground. He then throws a fireball that fries Oopsy Daisy. Warlock levitates and a portal appears. He jumps through the portal and ends up on Hell’s Highway. He stands there and waits. Soon America pulls up in his panzer and aims a rifle at him*

A: Warlock, that you?

W: Yeah its me.

A: You’re lucky I knew what the hell you were talking about. How the hell did you escape?

W: Remember what I did when we watched Saw?

A: No.

W: Well, I did what I did then. Oopsy wasn’t expecting it.

A: Great, now what?

W: Back to the base, we need to finish this.

A: I thought you said it wasn’t safe.

W: Its not, but we have no choice now. I didn’t have time to seal the portal at Thug D’s Palace so they’d be waiting for me there. We started this shit at The Base 19 years ago and we’re going to finish it there. It has to be.

*Warlock hops in as America motors back to The Base. They walk inside and find Lucinda on the couch*

L: Warlock! Where the hell am I.

W: I wasn’t going to let them hurt you, besides I needed a distraction to free you. I need you to keep the Toys distracted. America and I need to finish this.

L: Who says I’ll help you? After all, this is your fault.

W: It takes two to tango, you were just as guilty as me.

A: Both of you stop!

*America turns on the PS5*

A: We need to watch this quickly.

W: He’s right, we finish this…..the Toys are finished.

L: They’re not going to stop.

W: We just turned them into dust, they’re going to need time to manifest into new host bodies. While that’s going on, we can watch the final movie. Once the S.O.F. Project is finished, they’ll have no movies left to inhabit, its over.

A: So what the hell are we watching.

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome back to Warlock’s Movie Realm for the finale of the S.O.F. Project. What started in January 2005 ends tonight almost 19 years later to the day. We needed to watch 150 movies and we’ve done 149…..well, with a LONG hiatus in between 140 and 141. Anyway, tonight’s movie is the 1959 horror movie ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES. Yes, that is the title.

*Warlock takes his seat in the recliner*

W: What is the movie about? Well the title gives it away, mutated leeches run amok in some swap land and its up to some local yokels to stop them. As with every other movie we’ve seen in the Project, we’re not looking for film quality, we’re looking for body count. With just America and I left, we only need one or two bodies. So after 19 years, its time to finish the Project. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for ATTACK OF THE GIANT LEECHES.

Written by Leo Gordon

Director: Bernard Kowalski

Cast:

Ken ClarkSteve Benton
Yvette VickersLiz Walker
Jan ShepardNan Greyson
Michael EmmetCal Moulton
Tyler McVeyDoc Greyson
Bruno VeSotaDave Walker
Gene RothSheriff Kovis
Dan WhitePorky Reed (as Daniel White)
George CisarLem Sawyer
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Guy BuccolaGiant Leech (uncredited)
Joseph HamiltonOld Sam Peters (uncredited)
Walter KelleyMike (uncredited)
Ross SturlinGiant Leech (uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “A backwoods game warden and a local doctor discover that giant leeches are responsible for disappearances and deaths in a local swamp, but the local police don’t believe them.”

W: Hahaha the Ice Cream Man Police Department would.

<After the movie, Warlock falls to the floor as America jumps up>

A: Hahahahahaha yes! I win! I win!

W: Its over, its finally over.

*Suddenly the Demonic Toys burst from the closet out of a portal*

Oopsy Daisy: Kill them all!

*Lucinda stands in front of Warlock*

L: Wait. Stop this now!

Oopsy: Out of the way Lucinda.

L: No! This was my fault, I’m the one who hooked up with Warlock. I’ll answer to my husband myself. Warlock and his crew have suffered enough. Let’s go home.

*Lucinda walks toward the Toys who one by one go back through the portal*

Oopsy: This isn’t over yet, Warlock. Someday we’ll be back.

W: I’ll be ready.

*Oopsy goes through the portal leaving just Lucinda*

W: Will I ever see you again?

L: You’ll know where to find me.

*Lucinda goes back through the portal leaving Warlock and America alone. Warlock pops the disc out of the PS5 and looks at it*

W: 19 years, and its over. We’ll never have to worry about this again. Let’s head to The Lair.

A: Why?

W: They’re going to be waiting.

*Warlock and America head back to The Lair in the Panzer. When they get inside, Neyzor Blades and Mr. Wallstreet are waiting*

Wall: What in God’s name was that about?

Neyz: Yeah really, what kind of sick shit are you into?

*Warlock holds up the disc*

W: Its over. 19 years later.

Wall: Did I win?

W: No, he did.

A: Haha! Yes! Victory!

N: Whatever, I’m just glad this nonsense stops.

*Warlock puts the disc in its rightful place*

W: Now these can rest in peace.

*Suddenly the building shakes a little*

N: Wait, what?

A: I thought you said its over.

W: Yeah, the S.O.F. Project is over…..there’s still one disc left in that old box that’s been there for a long…long time.

A: Oh no, for the love of God now.

W: Don’t worry, I’m not watching that until the time is right. And when I do, everyone will be involved.

N: Whatever.

A: I’m out of here, come on Wallstreet, I’ll give you a ride.

Wall: Yay, I love the Panzer.

*Wallstreet and America leave as Neyzor Blades enters the bedroom and shuts the door. Warlock takes the box up to the attic and holds the one DVD box left*

W: Someday…….someday.

*Warlock then looks around*

W: Hmmm…..

*Warlock leaves the lair and gets in his 1958 Plymouth Fury then drives to Hell’s Highway to a specific spot. He then levitates for a few seconds and waits. Moments later Lucinda walks up to him*

L: You shouldn’t be here, you know.

W: I’m surprised you are here.

L: Well, let’s just say Lou saw the movies you suffered through and figured you paid your penance.

W: Yeah, well now its over. The S.O.F. Project, the Realm, us…..

L: Says who?

W: I quit, remember? I finished the Project on a whim and it turned into this.

*Lucinda wraps her arms around Warlock’s neck*

L: Come on, don’t you miss the thrills. The adventure? Us?

*Warlock and Lucinda kiss deeply and puts their foreheads together*

W: Yeah, I do miss this…..

L: So, what are you going to do?

*Warlock pulls away*

W: Well, Hollywood constantly kicks me in the nuts every year picking a movie I don’t want to win Best Picture, I’ve seen more shitty movies in the last week then most folks should ever see, my friends have been imprisoned in Hell, I’ve fought Satan’s minions numerous times, and I’m about to piss Satan off AGAIN if you and I keep kissing.

L: So does that mean you’re back?

W: Yeah….I’m thinking I’m back.

*Lucinda grins evily*

L: Good.

*They kiss again and walk off hand in hand*

THE END

687. Bride of The Gorilla (1951)

<When we last left off The Warlock and Mr. America had escaped from Hell with Neyzor Blades and Lucinda still trapped. Warlock brilliantly deducted he won’t have to choose who dies if they finish the S.O.F. Project because both will be released. The Grand Wizard drops The Warlock and Mr. America off at The Base after Warlock explains what’s going down>

Wi: This is too weird for me, but you better bring Neyz back alive.

W: I will. Stay here.

Wi: What?

Mr. America: Yeah, what?

W: Be right back.

*Warlock runs into The Base and runs back out holding the DVD*

W: We’re not safe here. I have a plan though. Take us to Thug D’s Place.

Wi: Whatever.

*An hour later The Grand Wizard pulls up to Thug D’s Place as Warlock and America get out*

Wi: I hope you know what you’re doing.

W: Me too.

*Wizard drives off as America and Warlock walk up the stairs*

A: Why are we here?

*Warlock knocks on the door, D answers*

D: What the hell are you doing here?

W: We need to borrow your PS5.

D: Oh no, you got yourself in some sick shit I don’t want to be apart of.

W: You don’t have to. Besides, you’re safe now. America and I have to finish what we started.

D: Not unless you tell me what’s going on.

A: Oh here we go.

W: Long story short 19 years ago Mr. Wallstreet, America and I started a Project called the S.O.F. Project where we’d pick characters in shitty movies and if our characters survived, we’d get a point. Whoever had the most points after 150 movies won. Well over the next four years we lost contact with a lot of our friends at the time and we pretty much stopped the project with 10 movies left. I put the DVDs in a box in my attic and left them there. Well, eight years ago I had a little fun with Satan’s wife Lucinda and Satan himself wasn’t too happy. He started sending the Demonic Toys after me but me and America would thwart them every time. Then they stole the souls of some of our colleagues and trapped them into movies we were supposed to see thinking they would be released as well to attack us. Problem was we never finished the movies we said we would so they trapped the souls into the S.O.F. Project films. Only we never finished the movies and I sealed the portal shut they were using to enter The Lair. Last week I decided to finish the Project and when we did the first three movies, we released our colleagues. The Toys found out and kidnapped you and others as collateral thinking we’d abandon the project. Instead we kept going and we’re down to two movies left. The only ones left trapped are Neyzor Blades and Lucinda, Satan’s wife. If I free Neyz, Lucinda would never forgive me if her soul was to remain in hell forever and I wasn’t about to let Neyz die. If we finish the Project, we can free them both. Problem is they came through the portal at The Base, we needed to go somewhere where they wouldn’t expect us to look. After wer’re done, we’ll seal the portal here and you’ll never be bothered again.

D: I have way too many questions. How did you meet Satan’s wife, why is everyone trapped in movies and how the hell are the Demonic Toys real?

W: Its a long story in itself and we don’t have time. Can we come in?

D: Fine, just get this over with.

*Warlock and America walk inside with D. America sits on one couch and Warlock in his chair. D puts the DVD in his PS5*

D: What are we watching?

W: You won’t be watching anything. This is between me and him. He’s got a one point lead over me and Mr. Wallstreet with two movies left. Save yourself the agony.

D: Fine, just make sure those damn Toys don’t return.

*D walks into his bedroom and closes the door*

A: Pick one.

W: BRIDE OF THE GORILLA.

A: What a name.

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome to Thug D’s Palace as we wind down the S.O.F. Project here at Warlock’s Movie Realm. We only have two movies left and Mr. America still has a one point lead over Mr. Wallstreet and I.

A: Yes! Victory!

W: What started with 150 movies is now down to two and in second place is the 1951 science fiction horror film BRIDE OF THE GORILLA. Yes, that is the title.

A: So, King Kong?

W: Not exactly. No, apparently in the jungles of Central America a plantation manager goes insane, kills his boss and tries to force the boss’ wife to marry him instead. A witch doctor sees this and puts a curse on the guy to turn him into a gorilla.

A: That sounds stupid.

W: I agree, but we’re not looking for movie quality. We’re looking for body count and an evil gorilla man on the loose might mean some dead bodies pop up. Now I know one of the actors is Lon Chaney Jr who’s no stranger to horror films but the others I don’t know. Thankfully the movie is only 70 minutes long so if it sucks, at least it’ll be short. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for BRIDE OF THE GORILLA.

Written and Directed by Curt Siodmak

Cast:

Barbara PaytonDina Van Gelder
Lon Chaney Jr.Police Commissioner Taro (as Lon Chaney)
Raymond BurrBarney Chavez
Tom ConwayDr. Viet
Paul CavanaghKlaas Van Gelder
Gisela WerbisekAl-Long (as Giselle Werbisek)
Carol VargaLarina
Paul MaxeyVan Heusen
Woody StrodeNedo – Policeman
Martin GarralagaNative
Felippa RockStella Van Heusen
Moyna MacGillMme. Van Heusen
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Steve CalvertGorilla (uncredited)
Art FelixNative (uncredited)
Augie GomezNative (uncredited)
Tony UrchelNative (uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “The owner of a plantation in the jungle marries a beautiful woman. Shortly afterward, he is plagued by a strange voodoo curse which transforms him into a gorilla.”

W: Sucks to be him.

<After movie is over>

A: Ha ha! I lived. Now the worst I can do is tie.

W: Yup, you’re right. You have a one point lead with one movie left, if you survive or I die the next one, you win.

*Suddenly a green cloud emerges from the PS5*

W: Ah, here we go.

*Thug D walks out*

D: The hell is that?

W: I’ll explain later.

*A face appears in the cloud*

W: Neyz!

N: LOOK OUT! ITS A TRAP!

W: What trap? You’re free!

N: ITS A TRAP!

*Suddenly the cloud disappears and the Demonic Toys burst out of a nearby closet*

D: OH SHIT!

*D grabs one of his daggers as America raises the carbine rifle and Warlock flicks his wrist to make fire appear*

Oopsy: GET THEM!

*Warlock shoots a fireball that fries Mr. Static instantly as America shoots Jack Attack’s head clean off. Teddy wrestles with Thug D until D stabs Grizzly dead repeatedly. The three of them surround Oopsy Daisy*

Oopsy: Fuck….wasn’t expecting that.

*America aims his rifle at Daisy with D pointing his dagger at Oopsy’s throat*

A: Any last words?

W: Wait…..I got an idea. Let’s kill two birds with one stone.

D: How?

W: America….follow me. D, go to my lair. You’ll be safe there.

*Warlock fries the corpses of the fallen Demonic Toys into ash as he and America lead Daisy through the portal in the closet*

D: This is fucked up.

TO BE CONCLUDED

686. She Demons (1958)

<When we last left off The Warlock and Mr. America had freed The Grand Wizard and he revealed that Neyzor Blades is the only one left trapped inside. Warlock is pacing back and forth in the lair looking at the PS5>

A: Pacing isn’t going to bring Neyz back.

W: Something doesn’t feel right.

A: You said that the last time. What doesn’t feel right?

W: The Demonic Toys wouldn’t give them up this easily. Did they think we weren’t going to watch these movies?

A: I didn’t think we would either. When you said we were finishing the S.O.F. Project I was shocked.

W: Remember, the first disc freed our friends that had been trapped a while. The Toys probably didn’t even realize it until they were freed. That’s when they went after our crew. Now there’s one left.

A: Well don’t just talk, get to the damn movie!

W: Fine.

A: Which one?

W: SHE DEMONS.

A: What the hell?

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome to the final stages of the S.O.F. Project here at Warlock’s Movie Realm. What started back in January 2005 ends almost 19 years later as there are just three movies left to go. The scoreboard reads Mr. America in the lead with a two point lead over Mr. Wallstreet and I with three to go. Tonight’s movie is the 1958 horror movie SHE DEMONS!

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

W: What the hell is SHE DEMONS? Its one of those B movies from the late 1950’s that Stephen King used to watch with his friends, exactly like we’re doing now. What is the movie about? Get this….years before Gilligan’s Island, a group of shipwrecked survivors of a pleasure cruise wash ashore of an island inhabited by demons and nazis.

A: Nazis??

W: That’s what I’m reading here. Once again, movie quality is out the window as we’re looking for body count. When nazis are involved, you know someone’s gonna bite it. The movie clocks in at just 77 minutes so if it sucks, at least it’ll be short. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for SHE DEMONS.

Written by Richard Cunha and H.E. Barrie

Directed by Richard Cunha

Cast:

Irish McCallaJerrie Turner
Tod GriffinFred Maklin
Victor Sen YungSammy Ching
Rudolph AndersCol. Karl Osler
Gene RothIgor
Leni TanaMona Osler
Charles OpunuiKris Kamana
Whitey HughesStorm Trooper
Bill CoontzStorm Trooper
Billy DixStorm Trooper
Larry GelbmanStorm Trooper
Maureen JanzenShe Demon
Grace MathewsShe Demon
Michael StoycoffStorm Trooper
The Diane Nellis DancersThe She Demons
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Hank SimmsTelevision Newsman (uncredited)
Wendy Wilde(uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “From beauty to BEAST!”

W: This is going to really, really suck.

<When the movie is over>

W: That was……I have no words.

A: So I’m still in the lead?

W: Yeah, and now Mr. Wallstreet and I are down by 1 with 2 movies left.

A: Time for the pulse pounding finish.

W: Yup….now where’s that green cloud?

*All of a sudden the Demonic Toys burst from the nearby closet*

W: FUCK!

*America aims his carbine rifle and Warlock flicks both his wrists to make fire appear. Oopsy Daisy just laughs with Jack Attack, Grizzly Teddy and Mr. Static in the background*

Oopsy: Relax you assholes, if we wanted to kill you we would have done it already. We have something you’d want to see. Come with us…..unless you want your precious friends to die.

*The portal opens in the closet and the Toys jump through*

A: You asshole, we gotta seal that thing.

W: Stay frosty, we have no idea what’s on the other side of that portal. We’ll do it when we get back.

A: Yeah, could be very dangerous, you go first!

*Warlock walks through the portal as does America. They are taken to Hell itself with fire and lava everywhere. The sounds of souls wailing and demons lurking about fills the air as Warlock and America walk down a path following the Toys*

W: If they’re already dead I’m going to be very upset.

Oopsy: Shut up, if they were already dead there’d be no fun.

*Oopsy leads to a cave like end to one of the paths and they walk through. They’re led to a big room where Neyzor Blades, Lucinda and Mr. Wallstreet are chained up on the wall*

A: Wallstreet!

Oopsy: You raise that gun they’re dead.

A: What’s he doing there?

W: Yeah, he was safe in The Lair.

Oopsy: He was…..till he saw there was nobody home and went to The Base.

A: You are an utter moron, Warlock.

W: Alright, let’s get down to business. What do you want?

Oopsy: Right to the point huh? Its simple, we want you.

W: All because of Lucinda?

Oopsy: The boss doesn’t take too kindly to someone stealing his wife, even if it is the kind of behavior normalized down here.

W: Fine, then let everyone go and take me.

Oopsy: Where’s the fun in that? You’re gonna have to make a choice of who lives and who dies.

W: Or you could bring me to Lou and we can settle this one on one.

Oopsy: The boss sent us to handle you and we’re going to do this.

W: How about its you that die.

*Warlock nods at America and America raises his rifle at Jack Attack. Warlock prepares a fireball*

Oopsy: Ha, are you two fucking stupid? We’re in Hell already. We can’t die.

W: Have you ever died down here before?

*Oopsy hesitates for a second*

W: Ah, there we go. Your souls may be dead but your toy bodies are still inhabited by them. You never know, you could end up in Heaven if we kill you here. You want to take that risk? Tell you what, let Neyz go and then we’ll play your game.

Oopsy: No, I got a better plan.

*Wallstreet disappears into a green cloud leaving Lucinda and Neyz remaining*

Oopsy: Since you finished that last movie, you were due to free a soul so we just freed a soul. We never said it had to be your girl there.

W: What’s your game then?

Oopsy: Like I said, choose who lives or dies.

A: That would be the easiest decision ever? Who the hell is the other woman?

W: No, I see what they’re doing. If I choose Neyz, they kill Lucinda and we have no idea where her soul ends up. If I choose Lucinda, they kill Neyz and she ends up here forever. Lucinda would never forgive me if I let her die and she ends up right back here.

Oopsy: Make your choice.

*Warlock thinks for a second*

W: Actually, I have a better idea.

*Warlock levitates*

Oopsy: What the fuck are you doing?

A: Yeah really.

*Suddenly a portal appears*

A: What?

Oopsy: How’d you do that?

W: Let’s go!

*Warlock runs and jumps through the portal and America follows. They’re actually at The Grand Wizard’s Palace*

A: Would you mind explaining why we just left Neyz there?

W: The choice is mine right?

A: Yeah.

W: Meaning they can’t do shit, its up to me. If we finish the Project, we can free them both. We have two movies left, that’s Lucinda and Neyz.

A: I think I see what you have in mind.

W: But first….

*Warlock levitates and the portal closes*

A: Hey wait, why’d you do that? The movies are back at The Base.

*Warlock levitates even higher and a blue wave flashes over the Palace*

A: What’s with the light show?

*Warlock lowers back down as The Grand Wizard walks out of his Palace*

Wizard: What the hell was that?

W: Sorry, I had to seal the Portal shut. Now they’ll never be able to come through here. Say….can you give us a ride?

<TO BE CONTINUED>

685. Sound of Horror (1966)

<When we last left off The Warlock and Mr. America had figured out the Demonic Toys had kidnapped their crew and imprisoned them into the S.O.F. Project movies meaning they must finish the project to free their friends. The Warlock has brought the final disc to The Base in order to free the remaining trapped members. Warlock is staring at the disc>

Mr. America: Staring at is isn’t going to free Neyzor Blades.

W: We don’t even know if she’s even in there, she could be at someone else’s place.

A: And if she’s not?

W: Well, there’s only one way to find out.

*Warlock puts the disc in*

A: What’s up first.

*Warlock looks at the screen*

W: SOUND OF HORROR.

A: The R rated Sound of Music?

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome back to the S.O.F. Project here at Warlock’s Movie Realm. We are just four movies away from being finished and currently Mr. America has a 2 point lead over me and 3 over Mr. Wallstreet.

A: Victory is mine!

W: So what’s up next? We are about to catch the 1966 Spanish horror movie SOUND OF HORROR. What the hell is that? Apparently Spain decided to make a horror movie back in 1966. Unfortunately I don’t know any of the actors and another dose of bad news is this is the longest of the ten movies we will be watching at 91 minutes.

*Warlock takes his seat in the recliner*

W: So what’s SOUND OF HORROR about? Two archeologists uncover an ancient beast that terrorizes them and their friends. Remember Wyvern? Same shit. I have no idea if this is going to be good or not but that’s not the point, we’re looking for kill count. It looks like this movie has one. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for SOUND OF HORROR.

Written by Jose Conde, Gregg Tallas and Sam Abarbanel

Directed by Jose Conde

Cast:

James PhilbrookDr. Pete Asilov
Arturo FernándezPete
Soledad MirandaMaria
José BódaloMr. Dorman
Ingrid PittSofia Minelli
Lola GaosCalliope
Francisco PiquerStravos
Antonio CasasAndre

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “When a group of isolated people in the Greek mountains set off a cave explosion, they are menaced by an invisible shrieking dinosaur that had been buried for eons.”

W: Will Hercules save the day?’

A: Oy….

<After the movie>

W: You still lead me and Wallstreet by two.

A: Just three movies left though.

*A green cloud emerges from the PS5*

W: Ah, see! I told you.

A: It could be anyone.

*A face appears in the cloud*

W: Dad???

*The Grand Wizard looks around*

Wizard: What the hell is going on? Where am I?

W: Its a long story, you’re safe now. Is Neyz with you?

Wi: They had us all chained up on a wall but one by one they started disappearing.

A: Okay, you were right.

W: So that means she’s still in there.

Wi: What the hell did you get yourself into?

W: Nothing you need to worry about. I’ll see you later.

*The cloud disappears*

W: Well at least my dad is safe, but that means Neyz is trapped.

A: Well the good news is she’s the only one left so the next movie should release her.

W: That makes sense…..why do I have a feeling it won’t be that easy.

A: You HAD to say that??

<TO BE CONTINUED>

684. Black Dragons (1942)

<When we last left off The Warlock and Mr. America had freed Lady T from the S.O.F. Project but had learned nothing. The Warlock and Mr. America are in the base with Warlock doing his usual pacing back and forth>

A: Again with the pacing.

W: Something’s bothering me.

A: Ya think?

W: Why Bruceman, Ashlee and Lady T? Why them? I haven’t seen them in years.

A: That might be it. Remember how Dr. Taylor Ahearn and Nate The Average disappeared, same thing. We just never noticed.

W: Well we haven’t seen Wallstreet in a long time but he’s fine. Maybe we’re out of the woods and we can just finish with the project.

A: Whatever, let’s just get this damn movie started.

W: So you have a one point lead over me and three on Wallstreet.

A: Yes, victory will be mine!

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome back to the S.O.F. Project here at Warlock’s Movie Realm. We have just five movies left and tonight we’re going all the way back to 1942 for the suspense thriller BLACK DRAGONS.

A: Wait, as in the Black Dragon Society??

W: Yes, that one. For those who don’t know, The Black Dragon Society was Japan’s answer to the CIA or Germany’s answer to the Gestapo.

A: Slightly more complicated than that.

W: Bottom line is when World War 2 broke out in the United States following the attack on Pearl Harbor, the Society became a total boogeyman for the US at the time. To capitalize on this, Hollywood rushed out to make a movie about them…..and here we are. In BLACK DRAGONS, a mad scientist is working for the Society on something sinister? On what? We don’t know. I don’t know if this is going to be a body count movie so hopefully it’ll at least be interesting. The only other thing I know is it stars Bela Lugosi, so at least we got one actor I know. At only 64 minutes long, at least it’ll be short. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for BLACK DRAGONS.

Written by Harvey Gates and Robert Kehoe

Directed by William Nigh

Cast:


Bela Lugosi
Dr. Melcher – aka Monsieur Colomb / Cell Prisoner
Joan BarclayAlice Saunders
George PembrokeDr. Bill Saunders
Clayton MooreDick Martin
Robert FrazerAmos Hanlin
Edward Peil Sr.Ryder (as Edward Piel Sr.)
Robert FiskePhillip Wallace
Irving MitchellJohn Van Dyke
Kenneth HarlanFBI Chief Colton
Max Hoffman Jr.Kearney
Frank MeltonFBI Agent
Joseph EggentonStevens
I. Stanford JolleyThe Dragon (as Stanford Jolley)
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Jack CheathamPoliceman (uncredited)
Jack ChefeHotel Clerk (uncredited)
Bernard GorceyThe Cabbie (uncredited)
Jack HolmesIndustrialist (uncredited)
Ethelreda LeopoldGirl at Party (uncredited)
Carl M. LevinessIndustrialist (uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “A cabal of American industrialists, all fifth-columnists intent on sabotaging the war effort, are methodically murdered by the malevolent Monsieur Colomb. It is only until detective Dick Martin is assigned to the case that everyone’s true motives and identities are revealed.”

W: This makes no god damned sense.

<After the movie is over>

W: That was a piece of garbage.

A: Let’s never speak of that again.

W: I’m not even gonna bother getting mad so once again you have two point lead over me and 3 over Wallstreet with four movies left.

A: I can taste VICTORY!

*A green cloud emerges from the PS5*

W: Okay, here we go. Maybe now we’ll get some answers.

A: We better, this shit is annoying.

*A face appears in the cloud*

W: Thug D???

D: Ahhh, what the fuck Warlock? What kind of bullshit did you get involved in?

W: Its a long story D, but thankfully you’re free. Is there anyone else in there with you?

D: No. I got dragged in here by the Demonic Toys with some annoying bitch and a married couple. I didn’t know the Toys were real.

W: Did they say why?

D: They told me I was collateral for your project, whatever that means.

W: The hell does the project have to do with you? This had nothing to do with you.

D: I don’t know! I just know they said you had to pay for Lucinda, whatever that means.

W: I don’t get it.

D: I don’t either but this is too weird, even for me.

W: Wait…..WAIT A MINUTE!

*The cloud disappears and Warlock shoots up like a cannon*

W: OH SHIT!

A: What??

W: I just figured it out. Why they’re trapped in THESE movies.

A: Why?

W: It all fits. This is the S.O.F. Project right?

A: Yeah, why?

W: Don’t you get it? The original project had all of our friends in it. Since we lost contact with them gradually in the last 19 years, the Demonic Toys replaced them with our Realm crew. That means instead of some of the others we have Bruceman, Lady T, Thug D and…….

*America and Warlock look at each other for a second and both scream simultaneously*

A & W: NEYZOR BLADES!

W: Let’s go.

*America and Warlock hop in Warlock’s 1958 Plymouth Fury and drive back to The Lair. They run in and look around to find it totally empty*

W: She’s not here, dammit!

A: You think they got her?

W: Had to. I called my dad on his phone, he didn’t answer either.

A: What do we do?

W: I think we have to finish the final disc.

A: Wait, I have an idea, call Mr. Wallstreet.

W: What? Why?

A: Just do it!

*Warlock boots up his laptop and calls Mr. Wallstreet on Skype. Wallstreet answers*

Wall: You know what time it is?

A: We need you here. Can you get here by tomorrow?

Wall: What in God’s name for?

War: I think I see where you’re going with this, America. Long story short…..The Demonic Toys are taking our crew one by one until we finish the S.O.F. Project.

Wall: Oh no, not them again!

War: You’re not safe, come to The Lair.

Wall: Wait, why am I not safe?

War: Because the Toys can come get you if you’re eliminated. They can’t enter The Realm, we sealed the portal.

Wall: I’m eliminated?

War: Just about. But I’d rather have you here where you’re safe.

Wall: Fine, I’m on my way.

*The skype call ends*

A: So let me get this straight. You bonked Satan’s wife eight years ago and he got pissed and kept sending the Demonic Toys after you. We kept beating them so they kidnapped our friends and trapped them in movies we were supposed to see which would release them as well. Then because we never watched those movies, and we shut the portal, nothing was going on so they trapped the friends into our S.O.F. Project movies. Then when we released our friends, it summoned the Toys back. Now they want our current crew because we never finished the Project?

W: Don’t you get it? They’re going after our crew because we have to finish the project, in essence WE are the characters in the story. They kidnapped Thug D, Lady T, etc because they’re taking the place of our friends from the past. We have four movies left and the only three left are you, me and Mr. Wallstreet. That means Neyzor Blades and my father must be in the final disc.

*Warlock puts the completed disc away and goes back to the dusty box. He pulls out the final disc*

W: 19 years later, its time to finish this.

A: Alright, pop it in.

W: We can’t.

A: Why not?

W: We closed the portal, we can’t free them here. It has to be at The Base.

A: You know what that means right?

W: Yes, I know, stay frosty. If they’re coming, we need to be ready.

A: Wait, you told Mr. Wallstreet to come to The Lair. We won’t be here.

W: I know, but he wouldn’t be safe at The Base if the Toys show up. At least if he’s here, he’d be fine.

A: Alright, let’s go.

*Warlock and America leave but then Warlock walks back in*

W: Would help if he brought the fucking disc.

A: You idiot!

*Warlock takes the disc and walks out*

W: Yeah yeah.

<TO BE CONTINUED>

683. Monstrosity (1963)

<When we last left off, the S.O.F. Project continued with Devil’s Partner. Warlock’s friends Bruceman and Ashlee were released following the movie but Bruceman revealed there were more trapped. Warlock is staring at the disc he brought to The Base with Mr. America in his computer chair>

W: Something’s wrong.

A: You think?? We got the Demonic Toys, Lucinda, ghosts coming out of the PS5! I just thought it would be funny to finish the S.O.F. Project and we unlocked hell itself.

W: Its more than that. When we freed Dr. Ahearn and the others, I figured that was it. Lucinda told me there were more than we freed Bruceman and Ashlee.

A: Who?

W: I’m not worried about who, I’m worried about why? Why them? Who’s next?

A: I still say we should cut our losses.

W: Hell no, we got six movies left. We have to keep going. Something’s not right, why those specific people? Anyway, on to the next movie, and we’re in trouble.

A: Now what?

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome to The Base for the end of the S.O.F. Project here at Warlock’s Movie Realm. Tonight we will be doing a movie featured on Mystery Science Theater 3,000, and that’s a bad sign. A long time ago Mr. America and I did Night of The Blood Beast for the S.O.F. Project not knowing it was also an episode, well tonight at least we know. However, with the S.O.F. Project, movie quality is out the window in favor of body count.

A: So what are we watching?

W: Tonight we’ll be watching the 1963 horror movie MONSTROSITY. Also known as The Atomic Brain. What’s it about? Some rich old bitch wants her mad scientist buddy to put her brain into a body of a hot younger woman. I have a bad feeling this is going to suck.

A: Sounds like it.

W: Once again its got actors I’ve never seen before and its rated 3.0 on IMDB.com, so I’m already expecting it to suck. There is one bit of good news, the movie clocks in at just 65 minutes long so at least the torture will be short. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for MONSTROSITY.

Written by Vy Russell, Sue Dwiggins and Dean Dillman Jr

Directed by Jack Pollexfen and Joseph V Mascelli

Cast:

Marjorie EatonMrs. March
Frank GerstleDr. Frank
Frank FowlerVictor
Erika PetersNina
Judy BamberBea
Lisa LangAnita
XerxesXerxes the Cat
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Bradford DillmanNarrator (voice) (uncredited)
Margie FiscoThe Walking Corpse (uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “A rich but unscrupulous old woman plots with a scientist to have her brain implanted in the skull of a sexy young woman.”

W: This sounds awful.

<After the movie is over>

W: How the hell did I survive that?

A: I protest brother!

W: The movie was god awful but now you have a 1 point lead over me and 3 over Mr. Wallstreet with 5 movies to go.

*A green cloud emerges from the PS5*

A: Who could this be?

*Warlock stands to his feet*

W: Whoever it is, we need answers.

*A face appears in the cloud*

W: Its Lady T!

T: Ew, no.

*The cloud vanishes*

A: Well that was pointless.

W: Yeah, that solved nothing.

A: Big waste of time.

W: More briefing?

A: More briefing.

TO BE CONTINUED

682. Devil’s Partner (1961)

<When we last left off, The Warlock and Mr. America had finished Silent Night, Bloody Night and freed noted scientist Dr. Taylor Ahearn. Taylor told the duo that the reason the Toys started abducting their friends had something to do with Satan’s wife Lucinda. The Warlock met up with Lucinda and she told him that more people are trapped and he needs to finish what he started. We pick up in The Base with The Warlock pacing around with Mr. America sitting in his computer chair*

A: Will you stop pacing around?

W: I’m trying to figure out what Lucinda met by “there’s more trapped.”

A: What do you mean Lucinda? You mean that crazy bitch that tried to kill us back at Hell’s Highway?

W: Yeah, she’s the key to all this. We have to finish the movies and the S.O.F. Project once and for all.

A: I’m not doing a damn thing until you tell me what’s going on.

W: Alright, this is what I can piece together. Lucinda is none other than Satan’s wife, and eight years ago he found out about our little romps. That’s why he kept sending the Demonic Toys after us. Remember how they would appear after certain movies were over? They were able to trap themselves into the movies and were released when we finished them. They started kidnapping our associates like Dr. Ahearn and trapping them in movies with them expecting to be released. Well, as you know, we never touched certain movies we were supposed to and we closed the portal to hell in The Lair. So the Toys trapped our friends in the S.O.F. Project movies instead, hence why The Lair quakes. All the souls were trapped and unable to get out, so the Toys simply abandoned their revenge. When we brought back the S.O.F. Project, we started releasing the souls and Satan is aware. Lucinda says he’s still mad about it.

*America facepalms*

A: So you mean we’re all gonna die because you fucked Satan’s wife?

W: Not if I can help it. We got seven movies left and once we release all the souls, its over.

A: Fine, what movie is next?

*Warlock looks at the box he brought over and looks at one*

W: DEVIL’S PARTNER.

A: Ironic….

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome to The Base…..welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter The Base if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock. We have seven movies left in the S.O.F. Project and for those scoring at home, Mr. America has a two point lead over me and three over Mr. Wallstreet heading into tonight’s movie. What is tonight’s movie? The 1958 horror movie DEVIL’S PARTNER.

A: I didn’t know the devil had a partner.

W: Get this, the movie was filmed in 1958 but was never actually released. Three years later Roger Corman found it, bought the rights and distributed it under his own film group. So what’s it about? You’re gonna love this. An old man sells his soul to the devil to become young again so he can win over a woman from his rival.

A: Be careful what you wish for!

*Warlock takes his seat in the recliner*

W: Exactly. Now this movie has two things against it, first its from 1958 so the body count may be a little low and the other is I have no idea who any of the actors are, that’s a bad sign. The good news is the movie is only 73 minutes long so if it sucks, at least its short. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for DEVIL’S PARTNER.

Written by Stanley Clements and Laura Jean Matthews

Directed by Charles R Rondeau

Cast:

Edgar BuchananDoc Lucas
Jean AllisonNell Lucas
Richard CraneDavid Simpson
Spencer CarlisleSheriff Tom Fuller
Byron FoulgerPapers
Claire CarletonIda
Brian O’HaraHarry Matthews
Harry FleerJohn Winters
Joe HookerDeputy Joe
Ed NelsonNick Richards / Pete Jensen
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Riley HillFrank (uncredited)
Hugh HookerMr. Johnson (uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “An old man sells his soul to the devil, and turns into a young man. He then uses witchcraft and black magic to win a woman from his rival.”

W: Yeah like that is gonna work.

*After the movie is over*

W: Alright, so we all got points so America is still in the lead over me by two and Wallstreet by three.

A: Haha, yes!

*All of a sudden a green cloud emerges from the PS5*

A: Oh no, not this shit again.

*The cloud splits into two*

W: What the hell?

*Two different faces appear in the clouds*

W: Bruceman and Ashlee?

A: Who the hell are they?

B: What the hell? Where am I?

*Ashlee’s cloud disappears*

W: Wait, Bruceman? What the hell are you doing here?

B: That’s what I want to know.

W: How long have you been trapped in there?

B: I literally got up this morning and I was surrounded by the Demonic Toys from the Charles Band movie.

A: You know about them??

B: Of course. I didn’t think they were fuckin real though.

W: But that was today?

B: Yeah.

W: Alright, you’re free now.

B: Thank fuckin god. I couldn’t stand that other bitch’s voice.

W: What do you mean other bitch?

B: This other bitch that was with us and some weird looking dude.

*The cloud disappears*

A: What the hell was he talking about?

W: I don’t know, only to way to find out is to finish this. Merry Christmas everyone.

TO BE CONTINUED

681. Silent Night, Bloody Night (1972)

*When we last left off The Warlock and Mr. America continued the S.O.F. Project by watching Kill, Baby Kill. After the movie was over the spirit of Jon Blaze was released warning them that the Demonic Toys had a trap prepared for them years ago. Only one movie remains in the disc Warlock brought*

A: This is ridiculous. You mean to tell me the Demonic Toys captured your friends and trapped them in movies so you’d free them someday?

W: If Jon and Nate are right, yes. The problem was between Covid, our one year feud, my retirement and other reasons….I never got around to watching the movies. They also said when we closed the portal in The Lair, they couldn’t get out that way.

A: I say we put the movies back in the attic, we don’t want to bring the Toys back.

W: No, we have to finish them. Something tells me things are going to get worse. We don’t know who or what could be trapped. If this one disc contained Nate and Jon, then someone else must be in it.

A: So what’s the movie?

*Warlock looks at the box*

W: Well, at least we have our Christmas special.

A: Oh no, what now?

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Tonight on Warlock’s Movie Realm, we’re continuing to finish the S.O.F. Project that I don’t feel like explaining anymore. We have eight movies to go and tonight we will be catching the 1972 horror movie SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT!

A: Didn’t we already watch that years ago?

W: No that was Silent Night, Deadly Night.

A: What the hell’s the difference?

W: This is an entirely different movie. Some schmoe inherits an old mental asylum where some gruesome murders took place. Now he’s come to investigate the place.

A: What’s that got to do with Christmas?

W: I have no idea. All I know is it has John Carradine, the guy who sang Night Train To Mundo Fine.

A: RED ZONE CUBA??

W: Yup.

A: That’s a bad sign.

W: I know….but the good news is the movie is only 81 minutes long so if it sucks, at least its short. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for SILENT NIGHT, BLOODY NIGHT.

Written by Ira Teller, Jeffrey Konvitz and Theodore Gershuny

Directed by Theodore Gershuny

Cast:

Patrick O’NealJohn Carter
James PattersonJeffrey Butler
Mary WoronovDiane Adams
Astrid HeerenIngrid
John CarradineCharlie Towman
Walter AbelMayor Adams
Fran StevensTess Howard
Walter KlavunSheriff Bill Mason
Philip BrunsWilfred Butler (1929) (as Phillip Bruns)
Staats CotsworthWilfred Butler (voice)
OndineChief Inmate
Tally BrownInmate
Lewis LoveInmate
Candy DarlingGuest
Harvey CohenInmate
Hetty MacLiseInmate
Jay GarnerDr. Robinson
Donelda DunneMarianne Butler – age 15
Charlotte FairchildGuest
Michael PendryDoctor (as Michael Pendrey)
Alex StevensBurning Man
Barbara SandGuest
Lisa Blake RichardsMaggie Daly (as Lisa Richards)
John Randolph JonesDoctor
George StrusDoctor
Grant CodeWilfred Butler – age 80
Debbie ParnessMarianne Butler – age 8
George TrakasInmate
Susan RothenbergInmate
Cleo YoungInmate
Kristen SteenInmate
Jack SmithInmate
Leroy LessaneInmate
Bob DarchiInmate

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “A man inherits a mansion which once was a mental home. He visits the place and begins to investigate some crimes that happened in old times, scaring the people living in the region.”

W: So Columbo meets Haunted Mansion??

*After the movie is over*

A: Okay, so I still have a 2 point lead over you and 3 over Wallstreet with 7 movies left.

W: All you need to do is survive four more and you win…..or I just lose four straight. Including two AT THE LAST SECOND!!!

A: Sucks to be you.

*All of a sudden a green cloud emerges from the PS5*

A: Here we go, now what!

W: I told you there was something else.

*A face appears in the cloud*

W: Its noted scientist, Dr. Taylor Ahearn!

A: That kook?

T: Ah, The Warlock, thank goodness! I’ve been trapped in this infernal machine for the longest time.

W: Well you’re free now. How’d you get in there anyway?

T: Some horrific looking talking toys found me and put me in Sharknado 4….I was enjoying the high life, but then they realized I was having fun, so they stuck me in this damn thing.

W: Couldn’t keep your enthusiasm down.

T: Not at all. I enjoy a good shark movie.

W: Did the Toys ever tell you why they were doing this?

T: Something to do with a woman named Lucy or something.

A and W together: Lucinda??

T: Yes, that’s the name. Boy do they hate you, Warlock.

W: I think I figured out why. You’re free now, Dr. Someday America and I will watch Sharknado 4.

T: Brilliant! Its the most epic thing ever!

*The cloud fades*

A: Thank god.

W: I have to go. I think I figured this out.

A: But what about….

*Warlock leaves The Base without answering and hops in his 58 Plymouth Fury. He drives to Hell’s Highway and pulls over at a certain spot. He levitates for a few seconds and flames appear from his palms. Then he floats back down and stands against his car. A few seconds later Lucina appears in a black crop top and short jean shorts*

W: We need to talk.

L: Yes we do, its important.

W: Dr. Taylor Ahearn and two others have been trapped in my dvds for the past seven years. All three of them mentioned a combination of the Demonic Toys wanting me badly and you being involved. The key to this is you, what’s going on.

L: Lou found out about us.

W: That was years ago!

L: I know, and he was pissed at the time. You closing the portal stopped the Toys from entering your domain but they captured the spirits of your friends. They simply forgot about it but you releasing the souls got their attention. You’re in big trouble.

W: Me? I’ll face Lou myself, leave them out of it.

L: He knows that, that’s why he sends the Toys. He doesn’t want to face you one on one, he wants you to suffer. You better warn your crew that they’re coming.

*Warlock flicks his wrist and fire appears*

W: I’ll be ready.

L: Yeah, YOU will be ready. The rest aren’t. You have to hurry to free them.

W: Free who? I already freed them.

L: Trust me, go home, you’ll see.

W: All this because of you?

L: Lou’s very vengeful.

*Warlock reaches out and they hold hands, their fingers interlocking*

W: If anything happens to anyone I know, we take the fight to him. He doesn’t want that.

L: Don’t, just don’t. You’re in over your head already.

*Warlock lets go of her hand and hops in his car. He drives back to The Lair and walks inside*

W: Neyz?

*Warlock looks around but can’t find Neyzor Blades*

W: Must have went out.

*Warlock goes to his DVD shelf and puts the disc in its proper slot*

W: 19 years later you’re finished. One down, two to go.

*Warlock goes to the dusty box and blows the dust off another DVD box*

W: You’re next.

TO BE CONTINUED.

680. Kill Baby Kill (1986)

*When we last left off The Warlock came out of retirement to finish a long lost project he started with Mr. America and Mr. Wallstreet. At the end of Good Against Evil, the spirit of Nate The Average had been released after eight years claiming he was only the first. The Warlock and Mr. America stand in The Base wondering what to do next.

W: I say we keep going.

A: Not if we got friggin ghosts coming out of my PS5!

W: They’re not ghosts.

A: You know what I’m saying!

W: There’s something Nate said that bothers me, how did he get trapped for eight years in a damn DVD in my attic after the Demonic Toys got him in his factory?

A: Why are you asking me? How the hell would I know?

W: There’s gotta be a connection between the Toys and this.

*America loads his carbine rifle*

A: If they want to fight, I’m ready.

W: I think I figured it out. The Toys wanted to get to us through Nate, problem was we shut the portal and never watched those DVDs. By watching them here, Nate was released. If he’s on his way to warn the Demonic Toys, we need to release anyone else. We have to finish them.

A: Fine, what’s next then?

*Warlock looks at the box*

W: Something called KILL, BABY KILL.

A: What?

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome back to Warlock’s Movie Realm and for the first time in 15 years, the S.O.F. Project. Currently the scorecard has Mr. America leading by two over me and four over Mr. Wallstreet. Tonight’s movie we should have watched almost twenty years ago is an Italian horror movie from 1966 called KILL, BABY KILL.

*Warlock takes his seat in the recliner as America sits on his chair*

W: From what I gather, the spirit of an evil girl comes back to life in Romania and its up to the town undertaker to stop it.

A: The town undertaker???

W: So we have two things going against us. First, its one of those Italian movies so subtitles or dubbing is going to be useless and two, its from 1966 so this is going to look AWFUL. The good news is the run time is only 83 minutes so if it sucks, at least its short. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for KILL, BABY KILL!

Written by Mario Bava, Roberto Natale and Romano Migliorini

Directed by Mario Bava

Cast:

Giacomo Rossi StuartDr. Paul Eswai (as Giacomo Rossi-Stuart)
Erika BlancMonica Schuftan
Fabienne DaliRuth (as Fabienne Dalì)
Piero LulliInspector Kruger
Luciano CatenacciBurgomeister Karl (as Max Lawrence)
Micaela EsdraNadienne
Franca DominiciMartha
Giuseppe AddobbatiInnkeeper
Mirella PamphiliIrena Hollander (as Mirella Panfili)
Valerio ValeriMelissa Graps
Giovanna GallettiBaroness Graps (as Giana Vivaldi)
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Aldo BarozziInterrogated Villager (uncredited)
Salvatore CampochiaroCoachman (uncredited)
Quinto MarzialeInn Patron (uncredited)

*America reads the tag-line*

A: “A Carpathian village is haunted by the ghost of a murderous little girl, prompting a coroner and a medical student to uncover her secrets while a witch attempts to protect the villagers.”

W: So the only thing standing in the way of the ghost is a med student, an undertaker and a witch? Good lord.

*Warlock shuts the movie off*

W: That was actually pretty good. What’s our point total?

A: I got a 2 point lead on you and 3 on Mr. Wallstreet with 8 movies to go.

W: Hmmm, at least we’re getting close to the end.

*The PS5 turns green and a cloud starts to come out of it*

A: Oh no, not this shit again.

W: Oh who could this be.

*A face emerges from the cloud*

W: Jon Blaze???

J: Finally, I’m free! No thanks to you Warlock!

A: Who the hell is that?

W: Jon Blaze, he’s the one that sent me the American Ninja series. How’d you get stuck in there? You had nothing to do with the Demonic Toys.

J: Remember how I told you to stay away from American Ninja 5? The Toys found me and banished me into it seven years ago, but you said you weren’t going to do it. So they trapped me in here instead.

W: How did they know where to find you?

J: I don’t know, all I know is they want you badly.

W: Nate The Average said the same exact thing.

J: I don’t know who that is but I do know you caused this. The Toys want you bad enough to kidnap people and trap their spirits in the movies you watch. Now I’m free after seven years, good luck.

*The cloud disappears*

A: What the hell did you do?

W: I don’t know! We haven’t encountered the Toys in years. They must have done this before we closed the portal. I hadn’t talked to Blaze in seven years.

A: Now you know why.

W: Only thing we can do is finish the disc…..and there’s one movie left.

A: Great, more torture.

TO BE CONTINUED.

679. Good Against Evil (1977)

*The Warlock, Mr. America and Neyzor Blades are in The Lair just watching TV when the Lair begins to shake*

N: Why does you keep doing that?

W: Its not me, I’ve been telling you for years now.

A: Well then what is it?

W: Just let it go.

*The Lair rumbles again forty minutes later*

N: Again with the earthquake? Make it stop.

W: I can’t, I’m retired.

A: What do you mean retired?

W: I…its….just let it go.

N: For eight years this place has rumbled like that and you’ve always said “Don’t worry about it.” I want to know why.

W: FINE! I’M SUPPOSED TO BE RETIRED BUT YOU KNOW WHAT, THE HELL WITH IT!

*Warlock gets up and goes up to the attic*

N: What’s he doing now?

A: Like he was doing anything before?

*Warlock returns down with a dusty little box*

N: What the hell is that?

*Warlock looks at America*

W: You know what this is.

A: Yes, because I can read minds. I see an old box.

W: S.O.F.

*America’s expression changes*

A: No….

*Warlock nods his head*

N: What is S.O.F?

A: Neyz leave…..please.

N: What? Why?

W: Unfinished business.

N: Not till you tell me what’s in the box.

*Warlock pulls out dusty DVD boxes*

N: Movies??? You mean to tell me this place has been haunted for eight years by MOVIES?

W: Not just any movies, but yes.

A: No…..no……

W: America is right, you may not want to be around for this. I have to make a skype call.

N: You and your stupid movies caused that?

*Warlock walks over to his laptop and America slumps in his chair*

A: S.O.F. after all these years.

*Warlock gets Mr. Wallstreet on the line*

Wallstreet: Warlock, nice of you to call me out of complete nowhere.

Warlock: We’re bringing back S.O.F.

*Wallstreet’s expression changes as well*

Wall: No……you can’t be serious. After 15 years?

Warlock: Its time to finish this.

Neyz: Will someone tell me what’s going on?

Wallstreet: Who’s even left at this point?

Warlock: Unless anyone wants to call Harris, its down to you, me and America.

Wallstreet: Do what you gotta do, let me know how it turns out.

Warlock: See you on the other side.

Wallstreet: Good luck.

*Wallstreet signs off and Warlock turns to America*

Warlock: Gonna be you and me now.

America: After 15 years.

Neyz: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Warlock: Alright I’ll tell you. Back in 2005 our group of friends started the S.O.F. Project.

*The box begins to shake as well as the house*

Warlock: Basically we would take movies and pretend we were the characters based on certain personality traits. If our character survived at the end of a movie, we’d get a point. The one who had the most points after 150 movies wins.

Neyz: Sounds like a waste of time.

Warlock: At first it was fun. We needed movies with high kill counts but not well known enough that we’d know who’d die. That’s how we started watching all those B horror movies that went straight to video. To save money I would buy those horror packs you’d find at the bargain bin at Best Buy. Well, as the years went on we lost contact with one friend after another and then by 2008 we abandoned the project with just Harris, Mr. Wallstreet, America and myself remaining. In the process, these box-sets I’m holding in my hand were never completed. They stayed in the attic all these years like a festering boil ready to blow. Every now and then the house shakes as a reminder that they’re still there. Well, its time to finish this.

Neyz: This sounds like a you, problem.

Warlock: It is. We’ll see you later.

*Warlock and America leave with Warlock holding the box of movies. They travel to The Base and walk inside.

America: So where we at before we stopped?

Warlock: If I remember right, you had a 2 point lead over me and 4 on Wallstreet.

America: How many are left?

Warlock: 10, I think.

America: Alright. Let’s get this over with.

*Warlock blows the dust off one of the discs and pops it inside America’s PS5. When the menu hits Warlock slumps down in the recliner*

W: Okay, we’ve already done Scared To Death. Let’s go with Good Against Evil.

A: Whatever.

*Warlock turns to the camera*

W: Welcome to The Base for the return of Warlock’s Movie Realm and a personal project of ours. 19 years ago next month our group of friends started the S.O.F. Project, or the Survival of the Films. Just to screw around the lot of us would pick characters in movies that we would pretend to be based on our character traits. If your character survived at the end of a movie, you got a point. Whoever had the most points after 150 movies would win the cash prize of two hundred dollars. Well, as the years went by we lost contact with our friends one by one. By 2008 we abandoned the project with 10 movies left……and now we’re going to finish it. Mr. America has a 2 point lead over me and 4 on Mr. Wallstreet. So we finish a project we started damn near 20 years ago, we’re going to start with a 1977 made for TV movie known as GOOD AGAINST EVIL.

*America sits in his computer chair*

A: The hell is that?

W: I have no idea. According to the box, a priest and a writer battle Satan and his minions.

A: Oh god…..

W: Exactly. This sounds absolutely horrendous. Apart from Richard Lynch and a young Kim Cattrall I don’t know any of the actors and its rated 3.8 out of 10 on IMDB.com. This is going to be awful but that’s not the point, the point is, will our characters survive? Let’s find out. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for GOOD AGAINST EVIL.

Written by Jimmy Sangster

Directed by Paul Wendkos

Cast:


Dack Rambo
Andy Stuart
Elyssa DavalosJessica Gordon
Richard LynchMr. Rimmin
Dan O’HerlihyFather Kemschler
John HarkinsFather Wheatley
Jenny O’HaraThe Woman
Lelia GoldoniSister Monica
Peggy McCayIrene
Peter BrandonDr. Price
Kim CattrallLinday Isley
Natasha RyanCindy Isley
Richard SandersThe Doctor
Lillian AdamsBeatrice
Erica YohnAgnes
Richard StahlBrown
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Issac GozMerlin (uncredited)
Bob HarksRestaurant Patron (uncredited)
Sandy WardLieutenant Taggert (uncredited)

*Mr. America reads the tag-line*

A: “A writer, Andy Stuart, teams up with an exorcist, Father Kemschler, to battle Satan, and a group of Devil worshipers led by Mr. Rimmin.”

W: Well the title did promise good against evil, least they’re not lying.

*After the movie*

W: That was almost good.

A: So I still lead by two over you and four over Mr. Wallstreet.

W: Alright…..what the hell?

*A green light emits from the DVD player and a cloud comes out of it*

A: What the hell is that?

*A face emerges inside the cloud*

W: Wait….is that?

*Warlock looks closely*

W: Nate The Average??

*The cloud speaks*

N: Warlock, been a long time hasn’t it?

W: What the hell happened to you?

N: You left me for dead with the Demonic Toys eight years ago, remember? Well they took me. Notice how you never heard from me again? You and your buddies there.

A: Wait, I can explain…..it was Warlock’s fault!

N: No matter, point is they want you Warlock. They want you real bad.

W: Why? I closed the portal years ago.

N: In the Lair, yes…..but we’re not in the Lair, are we?

*America slowly grabs his carbine rifle as Nate laughs*

N: Save it, Mr. America. They’re not here. In fact, you have more work to do. I’m not going to say anything else other than, I’m only the first. You got nine more to go. Thanks for freeing me though, maybe I’ll see you in another eight years.

*The cloud disappears and Warlock looks at the DVD player*

W: What does he mean by he’s only the first?

A: I don’t know but you better get this crap out of the base. I don’t need the Demonic Toys in here.

W: We need to finish this disc. Something tells me we have to finish it.

A: Oh come on…..

W: Nine to go.

TO BE CONTINUED