235. Relentless 2: Dead On (1992)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, OOGA BOOGA t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a can of pepsi*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host…..

*Suddenly Mr. America runs out, grabs Warlock and throws him inside*

Warlock: Hey, hey watch the threads. The hell is the matter with you? Almost spilled my drink.

*Mr. America is wearing white camo fatigues, vest and hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades*

America: I thought you said Mr. Wallstreet was going to be here, where is he?

Warlock: I never said he’d be here today, I just said he’d be here.

America: Oh come on.

Warlock: Patience, patience. It’s just the two of us today.

America: Fine, fine….

*America throws up his hands and sits in the recliner*

Warlock: Before I was rudely interrupted, I was going to say tonight’s movie is Relentless 2. The sequel to the movie we saw a few weeks back.

America: You mean the one where Judd Nelson was the killer?

Warlock: That’s right, apparently the studio big wigs liked it so much they brought back the main character for a sequel.

America: So he has to catch a killer played by someone less famous, right?

Warlock: Exactly!

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

Warlock: Let’s begin Relentless 2.

 

Directed by Michael Schroeder

Written by Phil Alden Robinson and Mark Sevi

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “Detective Sam Dietz (Leo Rossi) is paired with a shady FBI agent to track down another serial killer terrorizing Los Angeles.”

America: Oh boy.

 

*Opening credits*

Warlock: Creepy as fuck credits.

 

*Somebody is hanging*

Warlock: Woah.

America: That’s nice.

Warlock: Not wasting any time.

 

*Killer watches guy hang*

America: You are getting sleeepy.

 

*Killer lets go. Body has arms outward to protect his fall*

America: Alright if he’s dead, the body would have just hit the floor, it wouldn’t have braced the fall like that.

 

*Killer drops down through a window onto support beams.A mechanic (Sven-Ole Thorson) knows he’s there, picks up a tire iron and tells him to come out.  Killer hangs him using a chain too and beats the crap out of him. Mechanic fights back with a bear hug and a headbutt but Killer still manages to hang him again. He punches the chain link fence*

Warlock: That would hurt his own hand.

 

*Sam has a nightmare of the first movie before waking up. Sam looks at a picture of his wife Carol (Meg Foster)*

America: Are you gonna go with dead, divorced or married?

 

*Sam gets a call from Carol and he blows her off to take another call*

Warlock: I’m gonna go with divorced.

 

*Sam talks to the press and looks at a creepy looking guy. Sam checks out Mechanic’s corpse and symbols painted on the wall in blood. He tells everyone in the room how it happened*

America: He wouldn’t be much of a cop if he didn’t know.

 

*Belinda (Leilani Jones) doesn’t want to work the next day, Sam says give her husband play time so she can get away with it*

Warlock: Taken from a pro.

 

*Killer returns to his hotel room and pulls out a briefcase from his ceiling tile. He finds a victim’s name and studies the file. Sam meets Captain Rivers (Dale Dye) and is introduced to Kyle Valsone (Ray Sharkey) the FBI guy. Kyle says the killer has 22 confirmed kills and Rivers puts him on the case*

Warlock: This guy died a year later of AIDS.

 

*Killer pops up disguised as a couch and attacks his next victim. Kyle has high tech equipment in his car and Sam scoffs at him for using a pager. They find Mechanic’s apartment where Paul Taglia (Marc Poppel) says there’s been another killing. Two male cross dressing hookers walk past Killer as he goes and takes an ice bath naked*

Warlock: Ugh, talk about shrinkage.

 

*Kyle gives the file on Sam and his supervisor says they need to meet*

America: He insists.

 

*Sam checks out the symbols on the wall covered in blood as Taglia bags the evidence. Sam looks over the crime scene with Kyle. Kyle is just as good as Sam at detecting and Sam is shocked. Belinda can take the day off. In the car Kyle and Sam share their caseloads*

Warlock: Why not?

 

*Kyle pays a valet (Anthony Donato) at the St Bonaventure hotel to go over the Killer’s case file. Killer is Gregor (Miles O’Keefe) and the Supervisor is Grazinsky (Allan Rich). Sam walks into Carol’s house and they fight. Cory (Brendan Ryan) still has nightmares about the first movie. He rides up on his bike and into Sam’s arms. Sam says he can’t stay but he’ll be around tomorrow*

Warlock: A cop’s work is never done.

 

*Grazinsky says Gregor must be stopped. Kyle says give him time and he’ll get results. Grazinsky gives him 24 hours to find the killer. Kyle says he understands*

America: Do you really understand?

 

*Sam goes to the film room and asks if anybody is there*

Warlock: The film canisters are gonna answer no.

 

*Henry (Art Kimbro) helps Sam hack into the FBI mainframe and Henry tells him to go eat a donut. Sam falls asleep for an hour. Henry tells him they have a problem, the victims have all been dead for 20 years*

Warlock: There’s a pattern.

 

*Gregor buys a newspaper and has to pay 45 cents*

Warlock: Should have just whacked the guy with it.

 

*Gregor flashes back to when he was in the military. Meanwhile Sam walks into Carol’s house which is now up for sale. They argue in front of Cory and Sam walks out. Carol tries to apologize and Sam says he’s in a very bad case and Kyle is a pain in the ass. She hands him a Sheriff’s application as a peace offering. She wants him to take the job so he can be closer to home and out of danger*

America: Yes, get the bad guy, take the job and live happily ever after.

 

*Kyle tells Sam that Gregor uses superglue to mask his fingerprints. Kyle says he should have read the case file.  Dr Park (John F Goff) says Kyle is impressive. Sam asks Francine (Mindy Seager) where Rivers is. Rivers is at the track. Sam asks Rivers about Kyle and the computer system. Kyle then holds a seminar of Gregor’s M.O*

Warlock: And he stinks too.

 

*Kyle and Sam trade barbs as Kyle makes a crack at Sam’s family and threatens to have him demoted. Sam walks out and finds Henry who had been transferred. Henry tells him it was over the night before and there’s nothing wrong with the computers. Sam apologizes*

America: I don’t think your apology carries much weight.

 

*Sam meets with Dr. Park on the roof while he fixes his cable. Sam breaks Dr. Park’s pipe by accident. He uses superglue to glue it back together as Sam asks what the symbols and superglue is about. Park asks about Sam’s personal life, he says “Fine, never better.”

America: Liar.

 

*Park says he needs to talk to him before he eats himself and his marriage alive. Sam figures out the connection is that the victims were already legally dead. Sam smirks and says he’s got Kyle. Sam then reports to Rivers that Kyle isn’t telling the whole story. The victims were in the witness protection program.*

America: If you accuse someone of insanity, it makes NO sense to take a physical. You need to see a psychiatrist, not a personal fucking trainer.

 

*Sam says Kyle is covering this up and tells Rivers to make some calls and not to tell Kyle that he knows. Kyle shows up later and Sam says he’s going home to see Cory. He invites Kyle over and Kyle passes. Sam get an A plus paper from his son and they high five*

Warlock: Great job.

 

*Gregor flashes back while in the ice bath*

Warlock: Let me guess, Russian assassin?

America: Something.

 

*Hotel clerk (Loren Farmer) tells Cleaning Lady (Jean Adams) to stop bringing the dog around. She knocks on Grazinsky’s door and opens it, he’s dead. Gregor attacks and rips her wig off before throwing the dog out the window*

America: I hate this guy.

 

*Gregor in disguise attacks and kills two cops, taking one of their uniforms*

Warlock: This guy is a professional.

 

*A blonde cop (Lisa M Hansen) asks where the killer went and Gregor in disguise tells her to shh and points the other way. He drops down and clotheslines a motorcycle cop, escaping into a bowling alley. Another cop chases him*

Warlock: Hooray, deaths to more character’s that don’t matter.

 

*Gregor traps the cop in the bowling equipment but the cop cries out for help, so Gregor lets him go. He knocks him out*

Warlock: What was that about?

 

*Ibsen (Steve Kahan) says Kyle was on the money and Sam is wrong. Sam wants to see the witness list. He screams at them and Ibsen tells him to watch it. He and Kyle walk away and Rivers gives him a tongue lashing. He acts what the hell is wrong with Sam lately*

Warlock and America: Hahahaha

 

*Sam confronts Kyle in the bathroom and says this won’t stop him. Sam says he’s dirty and he knows it. Kyle gets physical and tells him to back off. He leaves and Sam follows him. He drops Kyle with a right hand and Rivers says he’s suspended. Sam says he quits and walks out. Meanwhile Gregor stitches himself up*

America: Oh that looks fun.

 

*Gregor’s next target is an old army buddy.  One of the cops let’s Kyle know Grazinsky is dead and Kyle goes to the crime scene. Kyle says the murder isn’t with the serial murders and Taglia questions him. Kyle blows him off as Gregor reads the newspaper with an ad mocking him*

Warlock: Ha, remember Judd Nelson in the first movie how they used the paper to fuck with him?

America: Ahhhh yeah.

 

*Gregor blows off the waitress (Shelby Chong) as Toby (Steven Lambert) heads to the construction sight while listening to a killer guitar riff*

Warlock: I gotta get this on MP3.

 

*Ted (David Conrades) tells him to work somewhere else. Gregor tries to hang Toby but Toby cuts himself loose with pliers. A fist punches through the wall to drop Toby*

Warlock: That helps.

America: Ha!

 

*Toby recognizes him “Gregor?” Gregor kills him and writes blood graffiti. Meanwhile Carol visits Sam and Sam tells her that he punched Kyle and possibly got fired. He doesn’t know what to do. Carol embraces him and they start macking before Taglia knocks on the door*

Warlock: Cock block

 

*Sam “Its a good thing you don’t schedule airline flights because your timing sucks.”

Warlock and America: Hahahhaha

 

*Sam gets a hint from Carol that the victims were making too much money for their job professions. Sam vents to Taglia and Taglia says Kyle is leaving soon. Taglia says to kiss Rivers ass to get his job back. Sam hands the casefiles over to Taglia but keeps the bankbook. Taglia gets a radio that Toby has been killed and Sam tells him to call him later*

Warlock: 25 minutes left.

 

*Sam figures out the victims have the same banks. Sam calls Francine and asks where the latest crime scene was. She’ll call him back. Taglia rushes to the crime scene and Kyle is already there. Kyle tells Taglia to check out Toby’s apartment as Gregor gets packed and ready to leave. Gregor freaks completely out and pulls out a wooden box. Inside is a handcannon*

Warlock: Its like Robocop’s gun. Somebody’s gonna die.

 

*Sam gets a call from Carol. They’re on their way to the counselor and Sam blows her off. Francine calls on the other line and tells him where to go. Meanwhile Taglia investigates Toby’s apartment and Sam is already there. Taglia says Kyle is on their way. Sam tells Taglia what he knows. The victims all have the same branch at the same bank. Sam leaves before Kyle arrives. Taglia tells Kyle they found nothing. Sam goes to the bank and pulls his badge to be let in, the bank guard pulls his badge and says to go away*

Warlock: Hahahahahhaa

 

*The mailman (Gregory R Wolf) tells him to move. Sam wonders if he plays poker*

Warlock: Who’s he?

 

*Sam hides in a parking garage. He finds Kyle’s cell phone and goes over his previous calls. The LA Tribune, the FBI and the Soviet Embassy. Sam asks Paul for a favor and we cut to Kyle’s suite. Sam calls him from the ground below and Kyle goes to meet him*

Warlock: This should end well.

 

*Sam confronts Kyle. He says all 3 victims shared the same bank and same branch. Kyle then pulls a badge that says he’s NSA. Kyle says he’s not the bad guy, he just has more info than Sam can handle. Watching from afar is Gregor. Kyle checks Sam for a wire. Kyle then says its not about witness protection, the killer is Soviet special forces. He’s taking out the entire network of informants. Kyle’s mission is to help the Soviet’s bring him in. Sam says the symbols match a serial killer, Kyle says it was to make it look like a serial killer. Sam says Rivers needs to know so Sam can get his job back. Sam hands Kyle the files he was going to send. Sam then reveals it was a set up, there are no files. Kyle pulls a gun on Sam when Taglia pulls up. Kyle shoots him dead and knocks out Sam*

Warlock: Saw that coming.

 

*Kyle has Sam all tied up and starts beating on him. Kyle says the Soviets are knocking each other off so they shouldn’t interfere. Sam asks Kyle why didn’t he kill Gregor himself. Kyle says he does what the mission calls for, and the mission is don’t let the informants squeal. Kyle goes to finish off Sam when Gregor shows up. Gregor puts a gun to Sam’s head and then shoots Kyle dead*

Warlock: Surpriseeeeeeeee!

 

*Gregor shoots Sam free and asks who makes the choices in life. He says yesterdays hero shouldn’t become tomorrow’s villain just because a change in ideology. Gregor shoots Sam in the leg and walks off.  Sam hobbles after him and says he can’t let him walk out of there.  Gregor flashes back to his wife and kid and empties his gun without Sam noticing. He turns to shoot and Sam shoots him dead*

Warlock: Did I just see a dove fly by?

America: Pretty sure you did.

 

*Sam finds the empty clip and figures out Gregor pulled an assisted suicide. He returns to his apartment on crutches. He looks at the Sherriff’s application and Sam calls Carol. He says he was at the hospital because he was shot. He says he’s okay and tells Carol that they’ll talk when she gets there. He says “Make that Sherriff Sam” Carol cries and smiles, telling him she loves him. Sam says he loves her too and we get the end credits*

Warlock: Isn’t that a happy ending?

America: Mmmmm

 

Mr. America’s Assessment: I give it a 4.

The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 5, not as good as the first movie but a solid sequel. Kind of a hard to follow plot but it had the babyface ending. Its worth a one time look as far as sequels go.

Final grade: 4.5 out of 10 – Below Average

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock: As with most sequels it wasn’t as good as the first movie but it still was watchable. It wasnt the worst but it wasn’t the best either. It was somewhat hard to follow but the ending had all the bad guys cleared out so no problems there. Take a look if you want. That about wraps up another below average adventure, have a pleasant evening.

234. Bounty Hunters (2011)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, AMERICAN NINJA t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades.  He’s holding a red thermos of Dr. Pepper*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock does nothing but walk inside*

Warlock: Tonight is a special IT CAME FROM SEVEN-ELEVEN. Tonight’s movie stars former WWE Women’s Champion Trish Stratus. Yes of course I’m serious. I have no idea what this movie is really about but we’re about to find out. Its called Bounty Hunters and it came out in 2011. That’s all I know about it.

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

Warlock: So let’s start Bounty Hunters.

 

Directed by Patrick McBrearty

Written by Reese Eveneshen

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “A hundred thousand dollar bounty or a million dollar execution?”

Warlock: The hell kind of a tag-line is that?

 

*Movie begins with elevator music and the opening credits*

Warlock: Oh this is not off to a good start.

 

*Jules (Trish Stratus) does a voice over as she has a gun pointed at her head. She’s wearing a school girl uniform*

Warlock: Good visual though.

 

*Chase (Boomer Phillips) is her partner who is unconcious on the ground. Ridley (Frank J Zupancic) is her boss. He’s trying to talk Mob Bosss out of killing Jul. Mario (Enrico DiFede) wants the money, he’ll let Mob Boss and Ridley shoot each other for all he cares after. We get a graphic that says “10 hours earlier”

Warlock: Oh great a flashback.

 

*Chase and Jules work out. Jules is a pro while Chase sucks*

Warlock: He’s making me sick.

 

*Jules walks up to Matt Plant (Marc-Andre Boulanger) and says he’s under arrest for jumping bail*

Warlock: The guy is built like Batista, you sure you want to try that?

 

*Matt says that’s funny. He says no and Chase says he’s with her. They’re going to take him in. Ridley distracts the counter girl (Paige Albrecht) as Matt drops a weight barbell on Chase’s foot. Chase hops around*

Warlock: How did you not see that coming?

 

*Jules jumps on Matt’s back and twirls around. She then does a tiltawhirl into a chokehold. Mat breaks free and she swings on the free weight to execute a frankensteiner on him*

Warlock: Is she gonna use the bulldog next?

 

*Jules uses the cartwheel kick to knock Matt down. He grabs her by the throat and goes to powerbomb but she head scissors him down. She locks in a head scissors on the ground to render him weak and Chase finish him off with a barbell to the head. Jules says thanks for the help*

Warlock: She should have covered him for the 3 count with Ridley as the referee.

 

*Chase and Jules hand the paperwork into Ridley. He says their next mission is to find Peter Wallace (Rodrigo Fernandez-Stoll). He’s at his girlfriends house and Jules says she’s busy that night working. Chase says let her go, he’ll collect on his own. Ridley says that’s not how they do things there. Later on Jules bangs on the door and says to open up. Chase says just once he’d like to see someone actually open the door peacefully. Jules says that’s not going to happen. She kicks the door in*

Warlock: Doesn’t she need a warrant?

 

*Peter’s girlfriend jumps on Chase’s back and he subdues her. Ridley runs in as Peter starts shooting at them. Chase asks what he’s packing and the girl says “A nine inch dick you faggot.”

Warlock: Nice dialogue.

 

*Peter shouts to let Mimi (Shealyn Angus) to go and Chase says there’s 3 of them with guns and one of him, guess how this turns out*

Warlock: Well he could pull out a bazooka, you never know.

 

*Mimi says its a BBgun and Jules says to surrender or she’ll hurt him. He calls her a fucking bitch and Ridley says “Oh no.” Jules grabs a trash can lid, deflects the BB’s and beats the crap out of him. Jules cuffs him and Ridley says he can find a new girlfriend in jail. Peter “Fuck you ya piece of shit.”

Warlock: Some salty language tonight.

 

*Chase and Ridley with Peter in the back of the van drop Jules off at her real job, a strip joint. Peter is excited and Chase wants to go in with her but Ridley says no*

Warlock: Cock block.

 

*Jules says she’s a bartender and not a drug dealer. Chase wants to go for drinks, the round is on him. Ridley says no and to drive off. Jules starts taking her clothes off in the changing room. She only gets to her underwear before she puts on a school girl outfit*

Warlock: Every teenager back in Trish’s prime just went “Yayyyy…awwwwwwww” Including me.

 

*Peter says he’s really sorry about the BBgun thing. He wants to be let go as Ridley and Chase totally ignore him. Chase wants Ridley to check his lotto numbers and Chase stops short so Peter hits his head on the cage. Chase’s lottto tickets are worthless. Ridley asks what he could possibly have that they’d want. Peter says he knows a 100 grand bounty named Mario that they can collect. Chase wants to look it up. Ridley says it checks out, Peter is right. Ridley says if Peter can give him intel, he won’t go to jail. He tells them he knows a girl that works at a strip joint where Mario hangs at. There’s a tattoo on his left forearm. Ridley knows because its on the intel. Chase says its a shitload of money and Ridley says the force finds out, they’re fucked. Peter swears this is no trick. Chase wants to go after it. Ridley says not without Jules. Chase says that’s fine*

Warlock: And there’s your plot.

 

*Ridley walks into the strip joint. One guy gropes Jules and she punches him out with her right hand. A guy takes a swing at her and she hiptosses him into a table. She headbutts the third guy and throws him as wqell, all without spilling the bar tray*

Warlock: That was impressive.

 

*Ridley tells Jules to come with him. In the car Chase is jealous that Jules and Ridley are an item. Chase says Peter is not going anywhere as Mercedes gets naked on a pole*

Warlock: This is no longer the worst movie of all time.

 

*Ridley tells Jules about the mission. Ridley and Chase want the 100 grand. Jules “We’re supposed to believe this fuck face?” Chase says Ridley won’t do it unless all 3 of them will do it. Jules wants to do it by the book but Ridley says they’d be 33 grand richer and she’d have money for Sofia*

Warlock: Who the hell is Sofia?

 

*Chase says he’s been there before. Jules loads her gun with blanks. Chase and Ridley explains the noise usually scares off innocent bystanders. Chase has a real one in case things get messy. They enter The Lounge Massage Parlor.  Chase bullshits the receptionist as Jules makes him look silly. Jules tells Chase to stop thinking of threesomes with her*

Warlock: Every teenager’s dream in 2001.

 

*Chase and Jules find the manager’s office. Mario has been crashing there recently. He walks out of the bathroom and Jules identifies him. Mario mentions Hal (Joseph Rafla) must have sent them. Jules and Chase chase Mario and Jules kicks his ass while an asian guy beats the crap out of Chase. The receptionist clocks Jules with a stick. Chase calls timeout and calls the guy a dick. He tackles the guy as Mario says he’s gonna hit Jules with the punch that made him famous. Ridley out of nowhere points a gun at his head and says if he lands the punch, his brains will be splattered. Outside the trip lets Peter go. The receptionist places a phone call as they all leave. She calls Hal*

Warlock: The mob boss.

 

*In the van, Jules says she’ll take her cut to go on vacation with her daughter.  Mario threatens them by saying they don’t know what they’re dealing with. Hal then calls Ridley and identifies himself. He shouts for Mario and Mario says he’s there. Hal says he’s gonna rip Mario’s tongue out and he’ll pay them a million dollars to deliver him in exchange for him. Ridley says no deal much to Chase’s dismay. Ridley hangs up on him and Chase says to go for the million. Chase pulls over and Ridley says he needs to think. Ridley says Hal will kill him. Chase says Mario is dirty anyway so who cares. Ridley and Jules say they can;t have a million dollars at the cost of someone’s life. Jules says she doesn’t want anyone to get hurt. Chase is indignant as Ridley says they have to do what’s right. Chase wants the money and Jules brings up the application. Chase pulls out a letter saying he got rejected for a medical condition*

Warlock: Heh, he got wished well on his future endeavors. Wonder where they got that line from? Maybe Jules knows….

 

*Chase rants and goes back to the van. Meanwhile Hal asks a crooked cop (Craig Cyr) for intel on the trio. Chase has been trying to get on the force for years but had a hockey accident. Jules can kick serious ass. Ridley is a neighborhood hero and a hero to the kids. He was engaged to his college sweetheart when a punk shot up a convienience store, killing the woman. He had jumped bail a week earlier. Ridley became a bounty hunter to prevent that in the future*

Warlock: So he gave absolutely no background on Jules but the life story of Ridley and Chase. The hell was that about?

 

*Ridley calls Hal and asks when and where. Hal says he made a wise decision and hangs up. He then goes to Peter who’s all tied up*

Warlock: Well this should be good.

 

*Hal says Peter was stupid enough to jump bail and then on top of it, he ratted out Mario. Hal says he’s gotta pay a million dollars to get Mario back or else Mario will rat Hal out to save his own ass. Hal rambles on and on before grabbing a golf club. He goes to cave Paul’s head in but we don’t get to see it. Mario notices a car pulling up and says “He sent Francis (Christian Bako)!”

Warlock: But everyone calls him psycho!

 

*Francis exits his car with a gun. He says put him in the trunk and he’ll give the money. Jules pulls a gun on Francis and Mario elbows Chase before running for it. Francis shuts the trunk and drives after him, Jules is knocked goofy. Chase tags Francis in the arm as Ridley tends to Jules. Ridley carries Jules to the hospital and Ridley tells the nurse to call him when they have an update on her condition*

Warlock: Wouldn’t be much of a movie if she died.

 

*Francis walks into the bathroom where a homeless man (Craig Porritt) tells him to fuck off. Francis calls Hal and says the deal went bad, Mario got away. Mario sayshe’s got the money and put Jules in the hospital. Hal says he doesn’t care about the money, he wants Mario dead. Francis pulls the bullet out of his arm with his bare hands as the bum rats him out to Hal. Francis pulls a gun out and shoots the bum in the head. Francis says he got shot and is patching himself up. He tells Hal to send the intel on the bounty hunters to his phone so he can take care of them himself. Hal says no, come back and formulate a plan*

Warlock: How about kill everyone involved?

 

*Ridley and Chase have Mario back in custody and they ask who Francis is. Chase says hand him to Hal to get Francis off their back and collect the million. Ridley says to wait. Hal then calls his wife and says she can stay another week in Italy. After he hangs up, he bitches about prices in Italy*

Warlock: Least they’re TRYING some character development.

 

*Hal brings in Deacon (Rixhard Ha) and his associate Ruby (Andrea James Lui) to replace Francis*

Warlock: You know how much I hate “Take out your own guy.”

 

*Chase and ridley talk in a diner as Ruby walks in disguised as a cop. Deacon is the guy that beat the crap out of Chase earlier. Ruby sits next to Chase at the diner. The waitress asks what she wants and she doesn’t answer. She just stares at Chase for a solid minute before he says he has to take a piss. Ruby follows him. Ridley notices Deacon lurking outside the van. Ridley confronts him and says they’re taking him to lock up. Deacon pulls a gun and says to hand over the keys. Ridley says Chase has them. Deacon radios Ruby that Chase has them. In the bathroom Chase goes on about how hot Asian girls in cop outfits are when Ruby stares at him,. Chase sheepishly apologizes as Ruby seduces him only to kicks his ass*

Warlock: He gets beat up by everybody in this movie.

 

*Outside Ridley taunts Deacon as Chase stabs Ruby in the foot before knocking her out with a left uppercut. Chase takes his keys back and says “Everyone knows Asians can’t drive”

Warlock: Yeah that’s going to go over real well with the PC crowd.

 

*Chase runs out and Deacon pulls a second gun on him. Ruby gets in her cruiser and picks up Deacon as the real cops show up. Chase and Ridley drive out of there. Mario says Ruby and Deacon are called to handle situations. Mario says those two are in serious shit now. Ridley says they give Mario up and Hal will leave them alone. Mario says that won’t work. Deacon calls Hal and says they didn’t get Mario but Ruby wants revenge. Hal says he’s sending them intel and to make good use of it*

Warlock: Still got 28 minutes left, this can’t be the end.

 

*Ridley takes a call from Hal. Hal reveals that a cop on their force gave up the GPS in their van so Hal can track them. Ridley says they’re going to turn Mario in and Hal counters by threatening to kill Jules. Ridley says hurt her and he hurts Hal. Hal says to bring him Mario and Ridley says “Fuck you.” Ridley calls the hospital as Jules is being wheeled away by Deacon and Ruby*

Warlock: Too late.

 

*Chase and Ridley drive up as Deacon and Ruby drive off. Jules wakes up in the amulance as we get a chase scene. Ruby holds a gun on Jules and Jules disarms her*

Warlock: She got stabbed in the foot, she shouldn’t be moving that fluidly.

 

*Ruby and Jules beat the crap out of each other. Ridley tells Deacon to pull over and Chase tells Ridley to shoot him in the head*

Warlock: That’s not legal.

 

*Jules and Ruby continue to brawl in the back of the ambulance. Chase complains about the van as they fall bejind. Jules nearly falls out of the ambulance*

Warlock: Woahhhh there.

 

*Deacon wisely puts the noise and the cherries on to get cars to fall behind. Meanwhile Ruby has won the fight with Jules. Ruby checks out the school girl outfit as Ridley and Chase pull over to talk. Chase says its not his fault and Ridley says it is. Hal calls Ridley and says at Hal’s warehouse he’ll make a trade, Mario for Jules. If he’s not there in an hour, Jules dies*

Warlock: That would be a hell of an ending.

 

*Ridley tells Chase that if anything happens to Jules, he couldn’t live with himself. Chase says he has his back. Ridley says their plan is to get Jules back and turn Mario in for the money. Jules taunts Hal saying Chase and Ridley will fuck him up. Jules and Ruby slap each other. Jules “When I get these cuffs off, I’ll show you how a real bitch slaps.”

Warlock: Those are fighting words in my country….too bad we’re not in my country.

 

*The van shows up to the warehouse. Ridley hands ario a gun and says don’t use it until Jules is safe. Mario tells Hal to fuck off. Ridley wants Jules cuffs off and Deacon uncuffs her. She punches Ruby in the face. Everyone draws their guns and Hal demands Mario to walk on over. Jules passes Mario and Mario tells her to get down. He pulls his gun and Deacon shoots him in the shoulder. Mario doesn’t even sell it as everyone scatters*

Warlock: Nice acting Mario, not.

 

*Chase and Ridley split up*

Warlock: America would hate that.

 

*Ruby and Jules brawl one on one. Ruby gets the early advantage with a pump kick. Chase finds Deacon and they go one on one. Deacon beats the shit out of him. Meanwhile Trish hits the Stratusfaction on Ruby*

Warlock: All that’s left is the Bulldog.

 

*Deacon continues to clean Chase’s clock. Ruby goes for the ankle lock but Jules counters out of it. Ruby says in Cantonese they could have had some fun together as Jules hits an axehandle to the back. Deacon continues to kick around Chase as Ruby and Jules continue to trade blows. Ruby hammerlock takeovers Jules a few times before kicking her in the face.  Meanwhile Chase grabs Deacon and snaps his neck out of nowhere*

Warlock: Gets his ass kicked the whole fight and somehow wins it.

 

*Ruby says in perfect Enlgish she’s lucky they found Jules so easily because she would have gone after her daughter instead. Jules punches her in the throat headlocks her, runs up the wall and bulldogs her*

Warlock: There it is! Waiting the whole movie for that.

 

*Jules smashes Ruby’s head in and stumbles away*

Warlock: Never threaten family, it never ends well.

 

*Hal shoots at Mario and Ridley takes Hal hostage. He calls Mario out and Mario walks out. Ridley calls for Jules and Chase and they stumble out. Jules says Chase is in bad shape, Ridley says if Chase dies, so does Hal. Suddenly a shot rings out from behind, its Francis. Hal uses the distraction to push Chase down and take Jules hostage. Hal says its about time he showed up. Mario and Francis point guns at each other. Hal says Francis is his backup and the duffel bag Francis is carrying holds a million dollars. Hal says he’s still willing to pay for Mario. Ridley says no deal. Hal says they either all shoot each other or Ridley takes the money. Mario then says he can. Mario says to Francis to give him the money. He wants the money and he’ll walk out, the rest of them can kill each other off*

Warlock: And now we’re back at present time.

 

*Hal says he’s going to kill Jules and Mario says he doesn’t care, he threatens to kill Francis if he doesn’t hand over the money. Mario cocks his gun and fires at Francis….nothing. Ridley says “Blanks”

Warlock: He’s screwed, not to mention dumb. Why did he think they’d trust him with a loaded gun?

 

*Francis shoots Mario down and from the ground, Chase drills Francis in the gut, killing him. Hal says they’re unfuckingbeliveable. Hal says take the money and go. Ridley says he can’t do that. Hal says he’ll just kill Jules then. Ridley says Hal is going to put the gun down and they’ll take him in. Hal says if he goes to prison, he’s finished. Ridley says the finishing move, he asks if Chase knows it and Chase says he loves it. Jules says everyone loves the finishing move. Ridley says now and Jules does a split, allowing Chase and Ridley to shoot Hal dead*

Warlock: Worst mobster ever.

 

*Ridley and Jules go to kiss, Chase stops them by saying he’s dying. Ridley and Jules carry Chase and pick up the money bag. Jules says not bad for a day’s work and we get the end credits and the gag reel*

Warlock: Yeah, a gaggle of dead bodies everywhere, this is going to look great in a police report. Then again they’re all gangsters, its trash taking care of itself.

 

The Warlock’s Assessment: Well that was a forgetable movie. If Trish Stratus wasn’t in it, would anybody know about this movie? Like if anyone else was in Trish’s role, this would be pretty damn bad. Just for the fact she was in it, I give it a 4 out of 10. Its bad but its not the worst either. I don’t really recommend it unless you’re a big wrestling fan.

Final Grade: 4 out of 10: Bad

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock: That was pretty brainless, thank god for Trish otherwise I would have fallen asleep.  Its not a trainwreck but its not good either. Watch at your own risk, you may or may not like it. That about wraps up another craptastic adventure, have a pleasant evening.

233. Deadly Target (1994)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, BLOODFIST t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a mug of root beer*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock levitates before walking inside*

Warlock: You’re not going to believe this but its another solo IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE. Tonight’s caper is Deadly Target, the 1994 Gary Daniels movie.

*Camera pans to an empty lair, Warlock takes his seat in the recliner *

Warlock: So let’s not waste any time, let’s begin Deadly Target.

 

Directed by Charla Driver

Written by James Adelstein and Michael January

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “A dangerous drug lord, a renegade cop, the ultimate showdown”

Warlock: Gary wants nothing to do with anything ultimate after Firepower.

 

*Movie opens with a plane landing in Los Angeles*

Warlock: Mr America would know what kind of plane that is.

 

*Charles Prince (Gary Daniels) walks off the plane wearing a black leather jacket, white t-shirt and jeans*

Warlock: Where have I seen that look before.

 

*Two men hit on each other as Charles laughs and says “Lovely California*

Warlock: Pretty common nowadays.

 

*Jim Jenson (Ken McLeod) of the LAPD introduces himself to Prince. Prince is with the Hong Kong Police Department*

Warlock: He’s whiter than I am. At least Don Wilson looked Asian when he played the Japanese cop in Red Sun Rising.

 

*Charles asks if Chang (Byron Mann) is being transferred. Jenson says they’ve had him under surveillance for 3 months and they set up a meeting with his uncle Xiong (Aki Aleong). Jenson says they have a man on the inside named Choi (Timothy Dang) that says Chang is trying to muscle in on Xiong’s territory. When Chang shows the drugs, they’ll pounce. Charles gets Chang and they get the drugs. Jenson says this will be a piece of cake. Charles says he’s chased him all around the world and Jenson says he’ll let him make the arrest when its over*

Warlock: Would be the shortest movie ever if the plan worked.

 

*Jenson and Charles sit nearby as Chang shows up with his lady Mei (Lydia Look). Chang and his crew led by Han (Phillip Tan) scope the place*

Warlock: Phillip Tan in the house.

 

*Xiong and his men walk up as Jenson and Charles decide to take a closer look. Chang, Han and Mei walk in to Xiong’s office. Xiong calls him a good student of deceit. He knows about Chang’s drug operation and he doesn’t want it. Chang says he’s old and needs younger blood. Charles runs in as Jenson calls for backup*

Warlock: A little hasty but good logic by Jenson to call for help instead of go banzai.

 

*The guard holds Charles at gunpoint and Charles kicks the crap out of him*

Warlock: First fight 6 minutes into it. Way ahead of Blood Warriors’ pace.

 

*Chang holds up a key of pure and says he increases the value by ten times, that’s 100 grand. That’s a million dollars of coke. Charles beats the crap out of another Xiong goon. Xiong says he doesn’t need the drugs and the subject is closed*

Warlock: Like Don Corleone telling Sollozo no.

 

*Chang says he will not be stopped as Charles dispatches another goon. A better fighter fights Charles and Charles takes a few hits but ultimately beats him. Chang pulls the gun and shoots him in the head, he falls out the window as Chang’s crew wipes out Xiong’s men*

Warlock: Guess Chang wins the gang war.

 

*Xiong lands on Jenson’s car as Charles finishes off the goon who attacked him. Han shoots and kills some random goon.  Jenson catches up with Prince and tells him to go one way, he’ll go the other. Choi shoots Mei in the leg and holds her hostage as Chang spots the wire Choi is wearing. Choi threatens to kill Mei and Chang says his employees are very loyal. Chang shoots and kills both of them*

Warlock: So much for the informant.

 

*Jenson goes to town on Han and another goon as Charles chases after Chang*

Warlock: Didn’t know Jenson could fight, cool.

 

*Charles grabs a random goon and kicks his ass. Meanwhile Han kicks Jenson’s ass. Charles catches up to Chang but one of his goons shoots at him. Charles shoots him in the shoulder and runs after Chang. Jenson continues to beat Han around. A police cruiser pulls up as Jenson runs out angry. The cruiser goes to shoot Chang when the goon from earlier kamikazes the cruiser, both cars exploding. Charles catches up to Chang and takes him down*

Warlock: Ryu can’t fight? Say it ain’t so.

 

*At the presinct, Charles trash talks Chang and asks why he’s into drugs. He doesn’t answer and we cut to the high seas. An Asian man and a woman are checking out the ship. The man cracks open a box full of coke. The woman is Diana (Susan Byun) and the man says they don’t have to tell Chang and Diana says he better hope she doesn’t.*

Warlock: Some names would be nice instead of just guessing.

 

*Charles tries to get Chang to talk but he won’t. Captain Peters (Max Gail) watches through the screen with Jenson*

Warlock: Wojo in the house!!!!

 

*Charles punches Chang which causes Peters to stop the questioning and have Charles report to his office. Chang taunts Charles saying he’ll beat him due to his lack of experience. Charles side kicks him in the head before reporting to Peters. Peters gives him an earful in his office*

Warlock: Come on Wojo, give him a break.

 

*Peters “I don’t care if you heard fucking bazookas, you call for backup.” Peters says two of his men are dead and its Charles’s fault. Jenson says to lighten up and Peters yells at him too. Peters says that Chang will be on the plane to Hong Kong and then he’s all for Charles but until then he’s under his jurisdiction. Peters throws them out of his office*

Warlock: He’s probably on Chang’s payroll.

 

*Charles waits at the airport for Chang to arrive. Jenson will lead the conclave but the officer driving Chang is nervous as hell*

Warlock: This is not gonna end well.

 

*Somebody tosses a grenade into one of the cruisers and it blows. A car full of goons show up and pins down the rookie cop, Jenson and Chang. Rookie cop doesn’t stay down and he’s shot bu the goons. Charles is still at the airport waiting*

Warlock: Gonna be there a while, have a Snickers.

 

*Back at the station, Jenson reports to Peters that Chang got away. Peters says he got 7 men killed and Charles barges in. He says he’s not leaving without Chang. Jenson says he got away. Charles gives Jenson shit for letting Chang get away. Peters tells him to back off and Charles says he can help get Chang. Peters says he’s a civilian now and to get on a flight home. Charles storms out and accuses Jenson of being on Chang’s payroll since both times they had him, he was the one who screwed things up*

Warlock: Big time accusations.

 

*Jenson shoves him against the wall and Charles shoves him back into the other wall. Jenson says he’d rather have 1 LA cop than ten pricks like him. He tells Pruitt and Randall to escort Charles to the airport. They exchange fuck you’s and Charles says he’s not leaving without Chang. Jenson says in his dreams. Pruitt and Randall (Addison Randall) yuk it up with Charles until Charles beats the shit out of both of them. Charles steals a cruiser and drives around looking for Chang*

Warlock: Yes because Chang is going to randomly run out in the middle of the street and announce his presence.

 

*Charles spots a random drug deal going down. He alerts them and they try to run. Charles beats the shit out of all of them until one of them drops him with a piece of wood. He stands over Charles with a gun but is knocked cold by an unknown assailant. Charles wakes up in Diana’s bed*

Warlock: What…the…hell?

 

*Diana says his clothes are in the wash. She says she carries a brick in her purse. They shake hands and introduce each other.  Charles goes back to sleep after showing concussion symptoms. He wakes up later with Diana watching over him. She made him tea*

Warlock: Is it poisoned?

 

*Diana says she has to get ready for work but make himself at home. He asks what she does for work and she strips to her undies*

Warlock: This just got better.

 

*Diana says he’s a cop and she’s a card dealer so they both see people at their worst. He checks her out and she says he hopes he enjoys the view. He says he’ll drop in on her later and she says hell no. Later on Charles visits her at the club*

Warlock: He doesn’t listen to anyone much.

 

*Jenson finds Charlie and says he’s under arrest. Charlie asks what’s the charge. Jenson says 2 counts of assault and grand theft auto. Jenson asks where the cruiser is and Charlie says parked out front. He tells Diana he’ll be back. Jenson asks what Charlie is doing there and Charlie says its a Chinese gambling club so Chang may be there. Jenson says for once he may be right since the who’s who of the Triad are there. Zhou (Bill M Ryusaki) owns the place. Jenson says they don’t work with Chang but they’ll know where he is. Jenson says he’s still under arrest and Charles says he’s not leaving without Chang. Jenson asks why he’s so hellbent on catching Chang. Charles says its personal and he wouldn’t understand. Jenson says Choi was a friend of his. He knew him for 9 years. Charles apologizes and Jenson says to work with him, no cowboy shit. Charles says he’s staying with Diana for now and hands Jenson her number. Jenson says its must be the accent*

Warlock: Things are about to pick up.

 

*Charles spots Zhou and Diana points out the who’s who. The bouncer (Al Leong) forbids Charles from followng Zhou*

Warlock: He plays a henchman in every movie, I love it.

 

*Charles pretends to be drunk to make the henchman take him to the bathroom where Charles kicks his ass. Charles confronts Zhou and Han and asks where Chang is*

Warlock: Zhou kind of looks like Jack Soo.

 

*Charles asks if they know who he is and Chen (James Wing Woo) says “No but I’m sure you’re gonna let us know.”

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Charles says he’s their guardian angel. He’s here to save them from Chang. Han says they’re not involved with him. Charlie reasons that Chang will take them over like Xiong and Zhou says they don’t know where he is. Charles warns them to watch their backs because Chang only cares about himself. Next frame is Chang talking with the very much alive Mei along with 3 other gangsters. One of them says to strike out on their own and Chang ignores him. Chang says Lucky (Ron Yuan) proved his loyalty last night by springing him free. He owes him his freedom but not his livelihood. Lucky “Sorry Chang.” Chang cuts a promo and then cuts his own guy in the gut, killing him*

Warlock: “Take out your own guy” HATED IT!!!

 

*Some guy plays a jazz tune on the sax*

Warlock: Catchy tune, no joke.

 

* Chen chats with the other Triad guys and are split on whether to join Chang or not. Mei and Lucky walk up to propose a deal. Meanwhile two guys fight*

Warlock: Is that James Lew?

 

*Mei wants Chen to join Chang. Chen refuses so she and Lucky blow them all away*

Warlock: There goes the competition.

 

*Charles makes squid for Diana and asks if she’s Chinese. Diana says she’s Californian born and raised. She wants to go to an American restaurant but Charles is adamant about trying the squid salad. He feeds her and she actually great*

Warlock: Yeah right.

 

*Diana says she’s lived there since she was 3. Her father died when he was young. Her mom fixed the place up herself. Diana says she could never leave there*

Warlock: So you know Chang will blow the place.

 

*Diana says the Triad guys are nice guys. Charles says Chang is a drug dealer and a murderer and he’s going to change thing. He says he’s going to check into a hotel and she says no, stay with her. He cooks and she does the dishes. Next morning Jenson orders Taco Bell much to Charles’ dismay. Jenson says Chang had the Triad guys murdered. Chen somehow survived and says Chang is behind it. Gunshots ring out at the courthouse*

Warlock: What the hell?

 

*Jenson says not to kill anyone, Charles says just the bad guys. Some terrorist (Chuck Borden) has the court reporter (Marta Merrifield) hostage. Charles disarms the guy and Jenson takes out the partner*

Warlock: What’s the point of this? Unless this is supposed to show teamwork, this is pointless.

 

*Charles kicks the terrorist down the escalator and drops him with a right cross. Jenson jumps on the partner’s car and shouts that he’s under arrest*

Warlock: I don’t think he’s going to listen.

 

*Charles picks up the gun and tells Jenson to get off the car. Charles shoots one of the tires out and shoots the driver from 50 feet away. Jenson says “Are you crazy?”

Warlock: He’s a crack shot.

 

*Peters wants Charles and Jenson in his office. Peters says he’s supposed to be in Hong Kong and Charles bullshits him. Peters continues to give him shit and tells him to get lost and bring him back his cruiser. Charles blows him off as Peters says Jenson is off the case permanently. Peters says if he sticks his nose in the case he’s fired*

Warlock: He’s gotta be on the take.

 

*Jenson tells Charles he’s going to see Chen. Jenson tells Charles to lay low. Charles takes the stolen cruiser and drives off*

Warlock: Love to see Peters chase after him, have a heart attack and die.

*Charles visits Diana. She offers him a beer and says she doesn’t drink. Charles says in a week he’s gotten 2 officers killed and Jenson kicked off the case. Diana says he’s being too hard on himself. They flirt with each other and kiss*

Warlock: 40 minutes left in the movie, time for the pointless sex scene.

 

*Charles says he’s wanted to kiss Diana for six days. She asks what else he wants to do and Charles says “You really want to know?” Diana “Try me.”

Warlock: He’s gonna go put a dent in that.

 

*Chang’s crew visits Han, the only one left. He’s introduced as the next mayor. Lucky pulls a gun and kills Han as Mei wipes out a bunch of innocent bystanders. Jenson confronts Peters and says he wants back on the case. Chen says he’ll match the police sketch Chen gave. Jenson says Chang is a bad man and he can nail him and asks for a chance. Peters relents and says go for it, just keep Charles out of it*

Warlock: Yeah that ain’t happening.

 

*Charles kisses Diana good morning. Charles invites Diana to breakfast and she wants to play with the siren. They share more bonding moments at breakfast. Lucky and Mei crash the breakfast. Lucky says they travel in the same circles and he’s fucking with the wrong people. Lucky says he’s been looking for him. They fight one on one as Mei calls Lucky a stupid idiot. Charles kicks the crap out of Lucky. Lucky pulls a gun and holds Diana at gunpoint, kidnapping her. Lucky drives off as Jenson walks up. Charles tells him to start the car and chase him. Lucky tells Diana to shut the fuck up*

Warlock: Oh boy, a chase scene.

 

*Charles smashes up Jenson’s truck who protests the whole way. Charles “Bloody foreigners!”

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Charles nearly runs over pickup basketball players, one of them throws the ball over his head and runs, the ball lands through the hoop*

Warlock: BURIES A THREE!!!

 

*Charles chases Lucky in reverse*

Warlock: That’s original.

 

*Lucky throws Diana out of the car and Jenson says to pull over and get her. Charles says no way, Lucky is one of Chang’s guys so he’s not gonna let him get away. A cruiser swerves in front of Lucky and he flips his car. Jenson and Charles drag Lucky out of the wreckage as Diana walks up. Charles asks if she’s alright and she slaps him, calls him an arrogant, uptight asshole*

Warlock: You got all that because of one small incident?

 

*Diana blames Charles and tells him to leave her alone. Charles chases after her as Mei runs up to Lucky being arrested. Mei reports to Chang that Lucky got bagged. She says not to worry, he won’t talk. Chang doesn’t trust him. Mei asks what to do and Chang says he should have killed Charles in Hong Kong. Mei squeals about Diana and Chang is suddenly interested, he says they may need her for insurance*

Warlock: 24 minutes left, plenty of time to capture her.

 

*Charlie visits Diana who’s taking a bath. He hands her flowers and she pulls him into the bath. They kiss again. We then cut to Lucky being questioned by Jenson. Charles walks in and Peters actually invites him in. Jenson asks where Chang is and Lucky refuses to talk*

Warlock: I just remembered, Lucky is Li from Ring of Fire.

 

*Peters says they may need Charles’ help with this. Next frame has Charles and Jenson tying up lucky for some stretch torture. Jenson goes to drive off and pull Lucky in half. They almost do it when Lucky talks and tells them he’s at the harbor. Charles asks him what birth, Lucky says 53. Jenson thanks Lucky and tells him his services are no longer needed. Lucky warns Charles about how things are done in Hong Kong before Jenson knocks him out with the butt of his pistol. Jenson asks what he meant and Charles figures out they’re going after Diana*

Warlock: I just realized Jenson is Blade from Out For Blood….damn, what a face turn.

 

*Diana listens to an answering machine message from a friend of hers*

Warlock: The shootout with the terrorists and this scene could have been cut and nobody would have noticed.

 

*Charlie calls Diana and says she’s in danger, get out of the house now. Diana instead goes deeper where Mei attacks. Mei beats the crap out of her but she fights back, only to run outside where she’s knocked flat by Chang. She’s kidnapped as Charles runs in with Jenson*

Warlock: Missed it by THAT much.

 

*Jenson and Charles still have Lucky in the trunk. Jenson says they should call for backup. Diana tries to escape. Jenson and Charles load up with Lucky still in the trunk and run off*

Warlock: What? No hostage trade?

 

*Lucky finally escapes the trunk as Diana escapes. Mei taunts her and Diana fights back. Charles beats up a random goon. Diana jump kicks Mei off a set of stairs where she’s impaled below*

Warlock: That takes care of Handsome Harriet.

 

*Charles dispatches his goon and shoots another. Jenson fights a random goon of his own*

Warlock: Now that I know he played Blade, he can definitely kick some ass.

 

*Chang calls for a helicopter as Jenson and Charles dispatch his men one by one*

Warlock: Its over at this point, he’s got no guys left.

 

*The bouncer from the bar from earlier shoots at Charles and Diana knocks him out, steals the gun and shoots a random goon. Lucky boards the ship and knocks Diana down, taking her hostage. Jenson continues to fight his random goon. Charles finally confronts Chang one on one. Chang pulls a gun and says Charles looks just like his brother. Charles grabs Chang but Lucky shows up and holds him at gunpoint. Chang takes Diana away and Lucky goes to shoot Charles but the gun is out of ammo. Chang shoots at Diana but she gets away. Jenson then beats the crap out of a random goon*

Warlock: How many of these goons are there?

 

*Charles beats the crap out of Lucky as Jenson knocks his random goon into the drink below*

Warlock: Hope he brought a snorkel.

 

*Lucky pulls a knife on Charles and Charles guts him with it, killing him by hanging him*

Warlock: NOW Chang is all by himself.

 

*Chang threatens to blow Diana’s head off. The chopper arrives and he makes Diana climb up the ladder first. Jenson shoots at the chopper*

Warlock: Are you an idiot? You may hit Diana!

 

*Jenson moves the cannon turret on the deck, aiming at the chopper. Diana drops into the water safely. Charles shoots the ladder and Chan falls through a table. Jenson blows the chopper away with a cannon blast*

Warlock: How the hell did he know how to operate that?

 

*Jenson and Charles bring Diana to the deck when Chang pops up. Jenson and Charles blow him away*

Warlock: Bye bye Chang.

 

*Charles says his goodbye at the airport to Jenson and Diana when Jenson gets a call for a hostage situation. Jenson says “Let’s go” as he and Charles run off, Diana pouts. End credits*

Warlock: That was better than I expected.

 

The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 6.5. It was really good with some great fight scenes, good acting, a solid cast easy to follow storyline and a good ending. It was mostly mindless but unlike Blood Warriors, the technical aspects were much better. There was no horrible looped in dialogue and the one liners were actually funny here. I definitely recommend this for fight fans.

Final Grade: 6.5 out of 10 – Very good

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock: Now that was more like it. We had a string of blah IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE lately but this one was pretty damn good. Like I said earlier I liked the cast, the acting wasn’t bad, the sound quality was pretty good, the writing was easy to follow and it had the happy ending. Not much to really complain about. That about wraps up another good-tastic adventure. Have a pleasant evening.

232. 88 Minutes (2007)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, a SECRET AGENT CLUB t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a salad bowl of root beer*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think I so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock*

*Warlock flicks his wrist and flame appears before he walks inside*

Warlock: Remember how I purchased a whole bunch of movies from Seven-Eleven a month ago? Well yesterday I bought three more! Tonight is a special IT CAME FROM SEVEN-ELEVEN…..of the new bunch anyway. I got two more for a later date. Tonight’s movie is 88 MINUTES. A tale about Al Pacino’s race against time to stop someone from murdering him at a specific time. This time I will be joined by Mr. America.

*Mr. America is sitting in the recliner wearing white camo fatigues, vest and hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades*

America: If this movie is called 88 Minutes, should I assume that’s how long it is?

Warlock: No, its 108 minutes long.

America: Well then that’s false advertising.

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

Warlock: Be that as it may, let’s get started with 88 Minutes.

 

 

*The Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “On the day that a serial killer that he helped put away is supposed to be executed, a noted forensic psychologist and college professor receives a call informing him that he has 88 minutes left to live.”

America: To think, if he missed the call there would be no movie.

W: Ha!

 

Directed by John Avnet

Written by Gary Scott Thompson

 

*Joanie (Vicky Huang) and Janie Cates (Tammy Hui) discuss the recent death of Princess Di*

Warlock: So we’re back in 1997?

 

*Janie tells Joanie to feed the kitty as Joanie takes her shirt off*

Warlock: Not bad.

 

*Joanie listens to Backstreet Boys – Quit Playin Games With My Heart*

Warlock: Ughhhhhh, my sister used to torture me with that.

 

*A burglar bags Joanie and prepares to do some nefarious things.He ties her up and raises upside down with cables S & M style. She moans but he covers her face with chloroform*

Warlock” That’ll shut her up.

 

*Cat cries at the window as killer starts cutting up Joanie. Janie walks in and asks why nobody has fed the cat. We cut frame to a cat with a bowl of food in front of it*

Warlock: Least the killer had the courtesy to fill the cat bowl.

 

*Killer has both girls tied up as the cat continues to cry. Next door neighbor leans his head out the window and yells to shut the cat up. Janie screams and the killer runs for it*

Warlock: Tomorrow’s headline “Nosey Neighbor and Courageous Cat Save Day”

 

*Police investigate the next morning. Joanie is dead but Janie is alive. The detective asks if she saw the killer, she said no. Next scene Dr. Jack Gramm (Al Pacino) is asked if noted serial killer Jon Forster (Neil McDonough) will rape and murder again*

Warlock: “Your honor, this man is fucked in the head and deserves the gas chamber….sir”

 

*The defense attorney Ms. Bennett (Trilby Glover) rants that Gramm is nothing but a hired gun to get Forster put in jail. She tries disregarding Janie Cates’ case. The judge (Damien Leake) tells her objection overruled*

Warlock: Heh, he was in Serpico with Pacino.

 

*Gramm says in his opinion, Forster is a rapist and murderer that will rape and kill again if freed. Later the jury rules Forster guilty of 1st degree murder and the judge tells the jury to go home and sentencing will commence. Forster looks at Gramm and says “tick-tock, Doc”

Warlock: Gee, what could that mean?

 

*9 years later, Gramm is woken up by Bubba Sparx “Ms New Booty” on the radio*

Warlock: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA the least likely Pacino song ever. A classic, but not his style.

 

*Gramm wakes up to his naked girlfriend*

Warlock: This is no longer the worst movie of all time.

 

*Shelly Barnes (Amy Brenneman) calls Jack. Frank Parks (William Forsythe) needs to speak with him immediately. She patches him through. While he’s waiting he thanks his girlfriend Sara Pollard (Leah Cairns) who thanks him for the wine tasting lesson*

Warlock: So she’s Mrs New Booty.

 

*Parks says there’s been another slaying with the same M.O. as the “Seattle Slayer” Jon Forster*

Warlock: Great, a copycat killer.

 

*Sara looks out the window and sees Guy LaForge (Stephen Moyer) staring up at her*

Warlock: He’s up to no good.

 

*The cabbie (Tim Perez) asks where to, Gramm tells him where to go. The cabbie’s radio says Jon Forster was convicted of the Cates murder 9 years earlier and is slated to die at midnight in the Walla Walla pen*

Warlock: Thanks for telling us 9 years went by.

 

*The cabbie changes the radio station where Limp Bizkit’s Nookie plays*

Warlock: Love the soundtrack, curious choices though.

 

*Shelly informs Jack of the situation.  Janie Cates gives Gramm a present for helping put Forster away. Gramm “We did good Janie.” She leaves and Jack walks into a meeting room. Jeremy Gruber (Christopher Redman) waits for him. Frank Parks walks in with someone else. Jeremy is in charge of the Seattle Slayer task force. The other guy is introduced as Special Agent Mactire (Julian Christopher)*

Warlock: Heh, he was in Timebomb.

 

*Gramm invites everyone to have Janie’ cookies. Jeremy takes one, Frank declines, Mactire declines*

Warlock: Watch, he drops dead instantly.

 

*Gramm wants Shelly to bring in milk. Frank declines. Jack says maybe he’ll have a change of heart*

W: That was right out of Dick Tracy where both these guys were villains in.

 

*Jack then asks what’s going on, Jeremy says Forster had a partner. Gramm says Jeremy deserves a gold star. Frank says there’s a copycat. Jeremy says there’s another option, Forster is innocent. Before Jeremy can even say innocent, Jack emphatically says “nooooo”

Warlock: Hahaha.

A: One of the most emphatic no’s you’ll ever see.

 

*Jeremy says he’s just making sure that they’re not executing an innocent man that night. Shelly brings in the milk and everyone stares at her before she leaves. Jeremy asks if he knows Dale Morris (Kristina Copeland). Gramm says its one of his students.  He admits they had a professional relationship, not sexual. Frank reveals Dale was murdered the night before. Gramm admits he saw her last night. Gramm dances with Sara to Get It Poppin by PMG*

Warlock: Diggin the soundtrack.

 

*Jeremy says there was a tape left at the crime scene. Dale cries out that Forster is innocent and she’s murdered. Frank says it went on for an hour. Jeremy asks what that’s about and Gramm leaves*

Warlock: Man of few words.

A: Want me to give away the ending?

W: No.

 

*Jack tells Shelly to find out what Dale Morris did last night after she left the bar. He thanks Shelly for everything. Shelly says she’s afraid he may drop dead, don’t ask her to get maried. Jack says they’re perfect for each other. Shelly says she’s gay and he’s a commitment-phobe. Jack “That’s why we’re perfect.”

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Shelly watches Forster on TV saying he’s innocent. Jack has a flashbacks of a young girl*

Warlock: Who could that be?

 

*Jack gets a phone call saying he has 88 minutes to live.”Tick tock, tick tock.”

Warlock: There’s exactly 88 minutes left in the movie, I’ll be damned.

A: Its all your fault.

W: How is it my fault?

 

*Jack tells Shelly to trace the last call he for. He walks into his classroom where Kim Cummings (Alicia Witt) is describing Forster’s life. Jack walks in and Mike Stempt (Ben McKenzie) is there as well. Gramm then teaches his class. Lauren Douglas (Leelee Sobieski) makes a point. Gramm says Bundy, Gacy and Dahmer were NOT legally insane. Mike says they couldn’t help it because of mental disorders. Gramm says opinions are checked at the door in court. Jack then asks where Dale Morris is and if anyone has her number, to contact him after class. Jack then gets another call saying he has 83 minutes left to live*

Warlock: Well at least they’re consistent with the run time. At least they have the decency to let us know when the movie is over.

 

*Guy LaForge watches class from the balcony as Jack gets yet another phone call. Shelly says the number was traced to Kate Gramm (Victoria Tennant), possibly Jack’s sister*

W: Oh shit.

 

*Jack says its not a coincidence. Meanwhile the killer says its too bad about Katie. Jack says he’s gonna pay for this. The killer says Jack falsified evidence to suit his cause and has 79 minutes to live. Guy, Mike, Lauren and Kim stare at him. Meanwhile Albert (Paul Campbell) gets a text message. He says he was checking the Mariners score. Its 3-1 Mariners over the Yankees in the bottom of the first*

W: Go King Felix!

 

*Back in the classroom the students figure out Dale is dead. The school’s Dean, Carol Johnson (Deborah Kara Unger) comes in and says someone called in a bomb threat. A slide on the projector says 76 minutes to live*

W: That creepy guy is in on it.

 

*Johnson tells Jack to make the threat credible and Johnson says she’d love to slap the shit out of him if she could. He offers her gum*

W: Ha!

 

*Jack asks Johnson if she went home alone last night and she says screw you*

W: Guilty until proven innocent.

 

*Shelly calls Jack and says Dale’s murder made the news and Forester is asking for a stay of execution. Guy LaForge walks by and Jack asks who he is*

W: Go find out.

 

*Jack drops his flip phone*

W: Oh those things were built like tanks, it’ll be fine.

 

*The screen is broken*

W: Nevermind.

A: No you’re right, that shouldn’t have happened.

 

*Jack walks to his car, the window is smashed, there’s a tape in it and 72 Minutes is scribbled on it*

W: I like the pacing.

 

*Jack retraces his steps the previous night with Kim Cummings staring at him and Guy at the bar as well*

W: Those two are involved.

 

*Jack spots Kim walking by. She says it was low for him to set up Dale like that after she died. Jack knows she left the bar with Dale and grills her. Kim tells her they hung out but she went home alone. Jack tells her to follow him and leads her to his car. She asks what it means*

A: What do you think it means?

 

*Jack hands her his car keys, takes her phone and says meet her out front in his car in 10 minutes*

W: One way to draw out a suspect.

 

*Jack runs into Mike on a motorcycle. Mike has been going through Forester’s case history and asks if he’s innocent. Jack is completely convinced he’s guilty. Mike says his testimony was very convincing, says he thought Jack was supposed to be right and rides off. Jack hears someone screaming for help. Lauren is all fucked up and says a man in a leather jacket attacked her and to go get him. Jack runs into the parking garage and nobody is there*

W: Convenient.

 

*Jack runs through the garage and some guy rides by. Jack pulls his FBI badge and grills the dude. Jack lets him go. He walks up to some guy on a motorbike who flips him off. He goes back to Lauren who’s bleeding. She’s mad at herself for being weak*

W: She didn’t have to beat herself up, the mugger did it.

A: Yeah really.

 

*Jack brings Lauren to Campus Security.  The guard takes her name down*

W: Is Paul Blart there?

A: HA!

 

*Security guard (Brendan Fletcher) tells Jimmy to interview Lauren while Jack leads her to a quiet area. Jack calls Shelly and tells her to get Frank on the horn. Jack tells her to give her statement and to go to his office, Shelly will take care of it*

W: This is getting good.

 

*Jack gets a call from Shelly on Kate’s phone. Meanwhile Security dude is with Jack one on one. He’s followed the crime cases, the name says J F’ranco. He’s trying to pass his entry level exam. Jack tells him his car’s been vandalized and to tell him to look into it. Johnny D’Franco calls Dean Johnson*

W: Uh oh.

 

*Jack tells Shelly he was threatened and asks her to find out if Sara has any connection to him. He asks Shelly to check Forester’s records and to check on Kim as well. Kim walks up and says the car is out front. He looks in her bag and there’s a gun there. He grills her and her father is a cop and she has a crazy ex. She also has a permit for that. He figures out her ex was in the same prison as Forster. Kim hears Jack calling Frank. Frank tells him there’s no record of Kim, Lauren or Sara visiting but Mike Brendt did. Kim tells Jack her ex’s name is Guy LaForge. Jack also suspects Johnny D’Franco is in on it too. Dean Johnson chimes in saying they found a backpack with dynamite in it and a note saying “tick tock”

W: This is getting good.

 

*LaForge nearly runs over Kim and Jack pulls her to safety. Jack gets a call on Kim’s phone from the killer, 56 minutes to live*

W: We’re moving right along.

 

*Jack figures out Guy has been with Kate all along. He tells Kate he’s not a boyfriend, is he? Kim says she’s her ex-husband who was controlling. Jack says Forster’s trying to kill him with an outside hit man. Jack says he needs to get Forster first*

W: Take the fight to him.

 

*Kim says a friend must be working with Forster. Some temp says there’s a package for Gramm. Temp says Guy dropped off a package. Hilda walks by and Kate looks at her. Kate and Jack go to his office and Kate asks how Guy knows all this. Jack’s at his apartment with Kate and he pulls out a Walther*

W: HE’S GOT A GUN!

 

*Lauren is on her way up. Jack scans the package and its not a bomb. Lauren gets off the elevator and Jack is there to greet her. Shelly is trying to reach him but the fax is broken*

W: Everything’s broken.

 

*Kate hits the elevator and it dings for Lauren to leave. Kate asks why Jack has a list of everyone that has threatened him in the past. Jack has a picture of his younger self*

W: Ha, looks like his Serpico days.

 

*Kate asks him why he never got married. He says he’s too old for kids and Kim is too young for him. Jack’s package is a tape recorder. Shelly calls Jack and turn on MSNBC, Forster requested an interview. Kate pulls out a laptop. Jack wants some of the boys at his apartment and to be on the lookout for Guy LaForge. Meanwhile Kate emails Mike asking where LaForge is*

W: I knew it!

 

*Shelly says Sara works for an escort service. Jack didn’t know. Jack wants the phone number. He writes it down. Meanwhile Forster on TV shouts at Jack through the interviewer. Jack calls Shelly and tells her to get Forster himself on the phone*

W: That’s gonna fly isn’t it?

A: Yeah, no.

 

*Frank calls Jack and says Johnny D’Franco has been arrested. Guy LaForge hasn’t checked in with his parole officer in 6 weeks*

W: Uh oh.

 

*Jack checks out the tape recorder he got from LaForge. He plays it and its audio of Kate from many years earlier from that case. Jack gets PTSD and flashes back until Kate grabs him*

W: Who would have had access to that?

 

*Jack says there’s only two copies of the tape. The NYPD has one and the other is in his office. Someone broke through his highest security measures to get it. Jack grills Kate about stealing it and killing Dale. Jack asks what Guy was REALLY doing there the night before, she says protecting her from Jack as a jealous lover. Jack gets a call from the killer, 37 minutes*

W: We’re almost there.

 

*Jack gets another call from Shelly and MSNBC is on the line. Jack calls Frank and says to turn on 750 AM to listen to MSNBC. Jack says Forster is behind everything and will try to get him to crack. Jack denounces the interview as performance art. Jack says he’s a rapist and murderer, Forster says he’s innocent. Jack tries to rile him up but Forster doesn’t crack. He says to look at his watch and say he doesn’t have much time left. Meanwhile Forster gets a stay of execution. Jack turns off the TV as Frank says Jack is implicated. Frank hangs up before telling him anything. Guy sets off a smoke bomb and pulls a gun outside the door. Kim opens up and he points a gun at her. An unnamed shooter opens fire and tags Guy. Jack and Kate make it to safety*

W: Woah, so much for him.

 

*Jack and Kim make it to the roof. They escape with the crowd as Jack gets a call from Shelly. Jack is on his way to Sara’s apartment as he helps an old lady down the stairs. Jack and Kim walk outside as some woman sees his gun and freaks out. Jack finds Kim and says to find Sara. Kim goes to start her car and Jack tackles her, the car blows*

W: He had a feeling.

A: Indeed.

 

*Kim “What next?”

W: We order pizza.

A: A chase scene!

 

*Jack pays a cabbie (Marcus Hondro) 100 bucks to let him drive to Sara’s apartment*

W: He looks like a young Christopher Lloyd.

 

*Kim pretends to be sad about Guy being dead. Jack has a montage in his head as Kim laments crushing on Jack*

W: The wheels are turning.

A: I don’t see any smoke.

 

*Jack tells the cabbie in the back to wait for a minute*

W: Ha, the cabbie is with him!

 

*Jack says Katie was 12 and he was 26 and they were living together in New York. Jack went to get his dissertation and left Katie all alone. A guy had strangled 6 woman and they were close to nail him and he came for Jack, but found Katie instead. The man raped and killed her. When caught he said it took him 88 minutes to hack Katie up*

W: That’s awful.

 

*Jack says the guy is still in prison up for his 5th parole hearing. Jack moved to Seattle to get away and whoever stole the tape knows the meaning to 88 minutes. Jack and Kim exit the car and Kim says they don’t have a search warrant. Jack says they’re not arresting her, just breaking in*

W: Hahahahahha.

 

*Kim finds her gun and loads it. They search the place and find Sara strung up dead like the others. Kim freaks out*

W: Of course she’s dead, what, did you expect her to be alive?

 

*Jack looks at a credit card receipt and says its forged. He figures out his DNA is all over the place. Dean Johnson calls and says she’s behind it, she’s already called Frank and said she told him he killed everyone. Johnson says to meet at their office in 13 minutes. He hangs up and Shelly walks in. Kim picks up the gun off the floor. Shelly says it was her, she broke the security protocol. 6 weeks earlier she and Lauren got intimate and somebody dropped the tape off while they were sleeping. Shelly pulls the picture of the perpetrator and its a hat and a coat*

W: The hat did it!

 

*Jack tells Shelly to call Dean Johnson and Jack looks for Kim. She’s gone. Shelly calls Dean while Jack runs outside looking for Kim. Frank walks up to him and grills him about where he was last night. Jack says he was intimate with Sara and the killer used his semen inside her and injected it into Dale. Frank doesn’t believe him. Jack rants that his car was blown, he was shot at and a tape was sent to him. How did he do all of that himself? He wants to sync their watches and Frank says sure. He tells Frank to meet him at his office in 10 minutes*

W: He’s goes from almost shooting him to believing him.

 

*Jack calls Kim’s phone and tells her not to go to his office. Shelly calls and says Dean Johnson isnt answering. Kim calls and says she was behind it all and to be at his office in 10 minutes. She hangs up and Jack looks at the list of women lawyers hired by Forster. He finds Lydia Doherty’s name with Lauren’s picture. He gets a call from Shelly saying there were 3 lawyers and Jack cuts her off saying back check Lydia Doherty*

W: That was Lauren’s picture right?

A: I’m not saying anything.

 

*Jack makes it to his office, the cabbie is still in the back*

W: Hahahahahaha he’s still there.

 

*Jack goes to his office and the door is open. Mike is there and he accuses Jack of killing everyone. Jack tries to knock sense into Mike and gets a call from Kim saying he has 5 minutes. Mike refuses to let him leave and Jack shoots to hurt his ears but not to tag him. Jack “I’m a bad shot”

W: Ha.

 

*Jack calls Frank and tells him to meet him at the Stern building. and its locked. Blood drops from the ceiling, a blonde woman is hanging*

W: Which one is that? Lauren or Johnson?

 

*Jack cocks the gun and enters room 7*

W: Time to finish this.

 

*Jack finds Johnson strung up and Kim is tied up. Lauren/Lydia is the one behind it. Both are still alive. She tells Jack to put his gun down and to slide it to her. He kicks his gun away and Lydia/Lauren pistol whips Kim. He kicks his gun over to Lydia and realizes she shot LaForge too. Lydia calls and asks for Forster, nobody answers. Lydia asks for a confession and Jack says he does to whatever he wants. She hits the tape recorder and Jack gets a call from Frank. He doesn’t answer it. Jack admits he coached Janie Cates and Forster didn’t do it only he really did. She asks if Jack has any moves and he says he could look behind her and see someone has a gun to her head. She doesn’t believe him. Jack asks what this was about. Jack asks how she gave up her free will. He asks how she was manipulated so easily. Jack says an FBI agent has a gun to her head and she doesn’t believe it. Sure enough, Frank caps her in the back of the head as Jack runs and catches Dean Johnson before she falls*

W: That was intense

 

*Jack kicks Lydia off her and she falls 10 stories below. He pulls Johnson to safety*

A: She’s definitely dead now.

 

*Frank helps Jack pull up Johnson*

W: Here he comes to save the dayyyyyy!

 

*Frank calls for help and tends to Dean Johnson. Jack tends to Kim and he gets a phone call from Lydia’s phone. Its Forster, he asks if Lydia finished off Jack. Jack answers and taunts him. Forster says he’s gonna piss on Jack’s grave when he gets out of there and to put Lydia on the phone. Jack says she’s dead and in 12 hours he will be too. He throws the cell phone*

W: Yeah fuck you too.

 

*Jack picks up the tape recorder and pockets it. Kim and Frank look at Jack as he walks off*

W: Talk about the day from hell.

 

*End credits*

A: That’s it.

 

Mr. America’s Assessment: I give it a 7.5 out of 10. It was very, very good. Better than the crap we usually watch. Nothing that makes you go “oh wow” but still a good movie.

The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it an 8 out of 10. Great cast, great story, great depth to every character and very suspenseful. I digged the soundtrack. dug the twists and was engaged the whole time. The only reason its not a 10 out of 10 is you won’t get the same effect watching it twice.

Final Grade: 7.5 out of 10 – Brilliant.

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

W: Well that was a good movie. It had suspense, it had action, it had drama and it had characters we actually could care about. I got this for 3 dollars at Seven-Eleven and that’s 3 dollars well spent. Well Mr. America, you’re off the hook for the next two Seven-Eleven movies, I got others in mind for those.

America: Thank fucking God.

Warlock: As for this one, this truly was a hidden gem. That about wraps up another goodtastic adventure. Have a pleasant evening.

231. Blood Warriors (1993)

*The Warlock is on a Skype call with Mr. Wallstreet at his kitchen table*

Warlock: You’re coming back?

Wallstreet: You damn right I’m coming back. You’ve been doing way too many solo shots lately so its time to bring back the good old days.

Warlock: For how long?

Wallstreet: 2 days.

Warlock: I was hoping a week but it’ll do. When will you be here?

Wallstreet: Soon…very soon.

*Wallstreet cuts off the Skype chat. Warlock turns around. He’s wearing a white t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Camera pans to empty lair*

Warlock: Yes, its another solo IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE. Tonight’s B-movie spectacular is Blood Warriors. The 1993 action flick starring the “other” American Ninja, David Bradley. In this movie, an old friend wants him to turn heel and David refuses to. Obviously this means a one on one brawl at the end.

*Warlock turns his attention to his laptop*

Warlock: So let’s brace for Blood Warriors.

 

Directed by Sam Firstenberg

Written by John Stevens Alon, Glenn A Bruce and David Bradley

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “An ex-Marine finds out a old buddy is leading a private army of mercenaries. When an ex-Marine refuses to join an old friendship’s personal army of mercenaries a deadly violent battle erupts between the two men! And this is not good”

Warlock: No its very good, box of fluffy ducks!

 

*Movie begins at the California State Pen*

Warlock: All my friends went to Penn State and I went to the state pen.

 

*A voiceover says a man has been charged with assaulting a police officer and resisting arrest. He’s sentenced to two years in prison. The man is heckled by other inmates*

Warlock: Are we gonna explain this?

 

*We flash back to a war zone. Wes Healey (David Bradley) and his brother Joe (Joe Simpson) are pinned down. Wes starts shooting and it looks like he shoots his own brother in the back*

Warlock: He’s either got horrible aim or he is one sick bastard.

 

*Opening credits*

Warlock: Little late for that, the movie’s started.

 

*Back at the state pen, the warden mentions that Wes studied under Keith Stone (Frank Zagarino). Wes was top of the class. The warden says he knows Keith Stone. Stone now runs a cartel in Asia. Keith also owns Wes’ farm. All he wants is Wes to work for him. Warden tells him what happened in combat was a tragedy and shit happens. Wes says it was no accident. Warden says he’s free to go….to Asia that is*

Warlock: And we get the plot early.

 

*Keith’s wife Karen (Jennifer Campbell) meets Wes at the airport*

Warlock: This acting is shit already.

 

*Wes says she looks terrific and they hug awkwardly. Karen says its good to see a face from home. Wes asks where Keith is and Karen’s face turns and says to go. Wes gets in a car with a bunch of goons*

Warlock: This can’t be good.

 

*Karen says Keith was killed 2 days earlier, driving off a cliff*

Warlock: The Warden just fucked up big time, set a man free to work for a dead man.

 

*Karen says they’re going directly to the funeral. They arrive as the goons lock and load guns. Karen says Keith believed in a lot of security. The priest (John P Karls) reads the eulogy as Wes looks around. Two cars full of goons show up. Some asshole in a suit gets out of the car and spits on Keith’s grave. Karen slaps him and he goes to slap her, but Wes grabs his arm and says “Don’t do that.”

Warlock: Who’s this guy?

 

*The man says “That was very foolish” and walks away. In the car, Karen explains that was Keith’s rival named Jurgen (Dicky Zulkarnaen). He is very vindictive and Wes asked if Keith’s death was an accident. Karen says Keith had his enemies. They are driven to Keith’s estate with goons everywhere*

Warlock: Let me guess, Wes is going to have to fight them all eventually.

 

*Karen says home sweet home. Wes calls it a palace. Karen tells Wes to get some rest and they’ll have a nice, quiet dinner*

Warlock: Something has to go wrong, this is too easy.

 

*Wes and Karen have dinner and talk during. Karen says this was never her home and Wes says there’s nothing in Texas. Wes asks what Keith’s business was, Karen guesses that he was a merchant. Major Ramsey (Frans Tumbuan) is introduced from the local police. Ramsey asks if Texas is as vast as they say, Wes says vaster*

Warlock: Plaster vaster.

 

*Out of nowhere, Ramsey says Wes is not welcome there. He is accused of assaulting an officer as soon as he got off the plane. Wes says he’s got the wrong guy and Karen says Wes is right. Ramsey says Karen is one to talk knowing what Keith’s business was. Wes says he has no idea what Keith was up to and Ramsey says to meet at the station tomorrow to talk*

Warlock: The acting is shit and its not getting any better.

 

*Wes looks at the picture of himself, Joe and Keith. We flash back to the war briefly as Wes finds a guitar. Karen dresses in lingerie and downs a bottle of wine*

Warlock: Woah.

 

*Wes plays a country song on the guitar as Karen walks up in a robe. Karen pours more booze as she says Wes should have been a singer. Wes says he should have been a something. Karen asks him to sing something else*

Warlock: Play Freebird.

 

*Karen asks why Wes came over. Karen starts putting the moves on Wes and Wes says she was just a kid the last time he saw her. Karen strips to her lingerie and says she’s definitely not a kid anymore. Wes picks up her robe and hands it to her. Wes “I think you dropped something.”

Warlock: Never turn down a good thing!

 

*Karen kisses Wes and he covers her up. He says Keith wouldn’t like this. Karen says he doesn’t know half the truth about Keith. Karen doesn’t want to talk about it, she wants to go at it. Wes doesn’t want to push it right now, she covers up and runs away*

Warlock: The hell is the matter with you?

 

*Karen goes to bed. Wes knocks on her door and says it was good to see her and goodnight. She apologizes and Wes enters the room. He sits on the bed with her*

Warlock: We’re 20 minutes into it and we haven’t seen one fight yet.

 

*Karen says she loved Joe and Wes says they have something in common. He says its good to see her but asks what Keith was up to. Karen says Keith had changed. Karen was seeing some guy and Keith didn’t like him, so he disappeared*

Warlock: So Keith is her brother, not her lover?

 

*Karen is sad Ramsey is going to deport Wes the next morning. Wes says that’s not going to happen. Karen says she thought about him for a long time. Wes says he’ll cook her breakfast in the morning. Meanwhile Jurgen has Keith’s grave opened and no one is in there*

Warlock: Well….that certainly changes things, doesn’t it?

 

*Assassins kill Keith’s guards and a whole gaggle of Jurgen’s men storm’s Keith’s palace. They wipe out all the guards*

Warlock: The death sounds are so badly overdubbed its making the movie worse.

 

*The badly overdubbed dialogue gets worse*

Warlock: This is getting worse by the minute.

 

*Jurgen’s men wire the palace with C4, take Karen hostage and kill the rest of the guards. Wes narrowly avoids getting shot*

Warlock: I love how they can’t miss guards 90 feet away but can’t hit Wes standing right in front of them.

 

*Wes jumpkicks one goon then beats up another one, using him as a human shield. He throws another goon out the window. A goon and a guard kill each other as Jurgen’s number one guy throws Karen in a car and drive off. Wes swan dives on top of a car as Keith’s palace blows to smithereens*

Warlock: Well if he faked his own death, he’s not gonna be happy when he gets home.

 

*The car swerves trying to get Wes to fall off but he hangs on*

Warlock: Now would be a great time for the police to show up.

 

*A police cruiser follows the car and calls for backup*

Warlock: Well like I said.

 

*The car plows into a tollbooth and then into an outdoor cafe*

Warlock: The owner is going to be PISSED.

 

*The swerving car causes a 2 car pileup but Wes hangs on. He pulls the driver out of the window and the guy is killed by an oncoming truck*

Warlock: Oooooh that’s gonna hurt.

 

*Wes swerves to avoid school girls and he flips the car. The police show up and arrests Wes despite his claim that Karen was kidnapped. Ramsey says wherever he goes, trouble follows. Wes says he feels like a piece of raw meat. Wes says Karen was kidnapped and Ramsey says he has no proof. Ramsey says he’s to return to Texas and Wes says he’s not going anywhere without Karen. Wes says Jurgen is involved and Ramsey says Keith’s body is gone. Ramsey says Karen is behind it all including Keith’s death and her kidnapping. Wes says he doesn’t think so*

Warlock: That would be a hell of a heel turn.

 

*Ramsey tells Wes that Keith was Jurgen’s partner and were powerful drug lords until Keith upstaged Jurgen and took his own power. They became rivals and Karen is involved. Wes says he doesn’t think Karen is involved. Ramsey says with Keith dead and Karen gone, he’s got nowhere to stay until his flight home so he’s putting him up in a hotel*

Warlock: Wow, what service.

 

*Jurgen loads a gun at a firing range and taunts Karen who’s the prime target. Jurgen asks where Keith is and Karen shouts that he’s dead. Jurgen says they dug up the grave and it was empty. She screams she has no idea and Jurgen doesn’t believe her. We cut to Wes stomping around the hotel with two guards outside*

Warlock: Why do I have a feeling Ramsey is involved?

 

*Wes escapes out the window and nearly falls off the roof. A guard outside notices Wes trying to escape and radios the two guards upstairs. They run out the window and spot Wes hanging*

Warlock: Love how the window cleaners don’t see him hanging there.

 

*Wes makes it to the wooden ladders and climbs down with 3 guys chasing him above and below*

Warlock: These guards are inept as hell.

 

*Wes kicks one guard through a table below*

Warlock: He’s not dead, just is going to hurt like hell tomorrow.

 

*Wes uses a pulley to get to ground level but a guard pulls on him. Wes lets go off the pulley and it drops a bucket which slingshots dirt on the guy. Wes jumps into a cab and tells the driver (Rony Sax) he needs a pistol, he hands him a wad of cash and the driver says sure*

Warlock: Rather than shout for police, he goes with it…sure.

 

*Jurgen has his top man help torture Karen using electro shocks. Meanwhile Wes sneaks into Jurgen’s estate*

Warlock: How the hell did he know where Jurgen lived? Wow, this movie blows.

 

*Jurgen tortures Karen and she continues to deny that she knows anything. Wes sneaks around with a .22 6 shooter*

Warlock: What the hell does he expect to do with that pea shooter?

 

*Wes knocks out two guards without firing a shot as two choppers fly overhead*

Warlock: Wish Mr. America could tell me what those are.

 

*3 masked man prepare to storm the estate. Jurgen looks out the window and the masked men open fire on the estate*

Warlock: I assume Keith’s men.

 

*The masked ninjas propel through the window and wipe out all the guards*

Warlock: So the same crew that stormed Keith’s palace with relative ease now can’t shoot for shit.

 

*One of Jurgen’s top guys is shot by the ninjas. Jurgen sends his top man to fight and he ends up killing one of the ninjas before being shot. Jurgen grabs an AK as the ninjas cut Karen loose. Jurgen opens fire and kills a ninja as Wes drops from the balcony and lands on one of the ninjas. He grabs the gun from the guy and aims it at him. The ninja unmasks to be…Keith*

Warlock: Now comes the part where you explain what this is all about.

 

*Keith has Karen and Wes loaded into the chopper as Jurgen watches with a bazooka. He fires and blows away the wrong chopper. Keith shoots Jurgen dead from the other chopper*

Warlock: Okay, we got 45 minutes left and the primary villain is gone. Is Keith going to take over as top heel now?

 

*Wes calls Keith a sonovabitch. Karen smacks him for almost getting her killed and Keith screams “Listen bitch, I just saved your ass” and he slaps her. Wes grabs his arm and tells him to relax. Wes holds Karen close as Keith has them taken to a remote island. Keith says welcome to Fort Knox. This is one of his hideouts, heavily guarded*

Warlock: Hope this security detail is better than the last one.

 

*Wes asks what this is all about. Keith says all in good time, he says he’s glad Wes is there. Wes gets cleaned up as Keith says he can all powerful there. Keith wants to share his dream with Wes. Keith explains Tanaka (himself) is his best warrior and his guards get their ass kicked by him in training. Keith says to make a good showing to convince Wes to join the team. Tanaka beats the shit out of the guards*

Warlock: Ah the cliche “one guy attacks at a time”, works so well for Chuck Norris movies, makes everyone else look like an idiot.

 

*Keith says he won’t make Wes fight Tanaka as Tanaka beats up the rest of the guards. Wes wants to know what’s going on. Keith says he’s got an import/export business and he wants Wes to run shipments for him. Keith says its electronics and Wes says Ramsey told him it was heroin. Keith says Ramsey knows nothing*

Warlock: Ramsey is right.

 

*Wes thanks Keith for getting him out of a jam but he wants nothing to do with this. Keith says the island is just a small part of his earnings. He wants Wes to help and he’s a marine for life*

Warlock: Semper fi.

 

*Wes says when his dad died he started thinking a lot. He says he has to start over and Keith says a new beginning. Wes says he’s not running heroin for him. Keith says he knows all about his prison sentence and his father’s farm. Keith says he’s not selling him the farm back and Wes gets up and leaves. Keith says he owns everything and everyone including Karen. If he wants Karen, he has to play pointman for him. Keith says he can leave but Karen is staying. Wes says that’s up to her to decide. Keith says not to make an enemy out of him and Wes says or what, end up like a lump of coal in his next car wreck*

Warlock: Wouldn’t be much of a movie if he joined him, would it?

 

*Keith “Whatever it takes, Wes.” Wes “I’ll remember that.”

Warlock: I can write better dialogue than this.

 

*Wes has flashback of his brother being shot and he wakes up sweating. Wes wakes up Karen and he wants to say goodbye, he’s leaving. Karen doesn’t want him to leave. She needs him. Wes says its between her and Keith, he doesn’t want any part of this. She calls him a no-good liar and Wes says he’s got his own problems at home. She tells him to go and Wes says goodbye*

Warlock: He can’t make anybody happy. Everyone in the entire movie with the exception of that taxi driver wants him dead or to go away. I’m surprised the Priest didn’t try to throw holy water at him at the funeral.

 

*Karen shouts that this is typical of Wes and Joe would have stayed to help her. Wes says that was below the belt and he leaves*

Warlock: What a wuss.

 

*Wes walks back in and kisses Karen deep*

Warlock: That’s more like it.

 

*Pointless sex scene*

Warlock: Of course, the obligatory sex scene. We still have another 30 minutes to boot.

 

*Wes and Karen saunter down for breakfast. Keith shows up and tells Wes to pour him a cup. Keith says he knows Wes doesn’t want to get his hands dirty. Karen says they’re going home and Keith tells her to shut up. He says if Wes will help his latest shipment, he’ll cancel the morgatge on the farm. Wes doesn’t want anything to do with drugs. Keith shows him a briefcase of money and says you sure you want to pass this up. Wes is sure. Keith says he has a going away present and shoots him in the leg before pistol whipping Karen. Keith tells Tanaka to get him out of there and tells his men to lock Karen in her room*

Warlock: Knew that was coming.

 

*Wes is dumped into the middle of the street where he’s taken in by random locals. Wes wakes up with the father welcoming him downtown. The father is Salin (Piet Burnama) and the son is Walid (Diaz Tangkilisan). Wes gives the kid the thumbs up as Salin says they must get ready. He’s going to fix the leg without anasthetic*

Warlock: Owwwwwwwww

 

*Keith walks in on Karen and calls her a disappointment. Karen pulls a knife and threatens Keith with it and Keith says Wes is already dead. She cries as he leaves*

Warlock” Thought he was going to go incest for a minute, glad it didn’t go that way.

 

*Wes looks at a statue and Salin says its a dispenser of justice*

Warlock: This is getting progressively worse.

 

*Salin says Wes is a marine and needs to act like one*

Warlock: How would he know that? Ees hasn’t told him anything about himself yet.

 

*Keith tells Karen Wes is good for nothing and he deserved more than he got. Karen tries to plead her case that she wants to be with Wes and Keith says who is he to stand in the way of true love. He says he’ll make the arrangements*

Warlock: This can’t be good.

 

*Keith tells Tanaka to find Wes and bring him back. Meanwhile Wes is already storming Keith’s palace*

Warlock: In broad daylight.

 

*Wes disarms a guard and throws a knife 80 feet away, hitting a guy on the guard tower*

Warlock: That was so cheesy.

 

*Wes finds a box of grenades, mines and other explosives*

Warlock: The movie’s score contains rapid gunfire that’s interfering with the actual sounds. This is ridiculous.

 

*Wes loads up an M16 and wipes out another guard. Wes gets the drop on another one and takes him out with a jumping axehandle smash. Fianlly Wes starts blasting guards which wakes up both Keith and Karen. Wes runs to Karen’s room and she thought he was dead. Wes says not yet. He’s there to get her out of there. Keith and Karen escape out the window as Keith runs in with a handgun*

Warlock: 18 minutes left, this can’t be the end.

 

*Wes blasts more guards trying to escape*

Warlock: That last guy clearly was hit with a paintball, that was awful.

 

*Wes carries Karen to a boat and has the palace rigged to blow. Keith picks up a bazooka and fires it, missing the boat completely. Wes takes off on his own boat after Wes and Karen. They shoot it out during the chase*

Warlock: Yay, a boat chase scene.

 

*Keith’s boat crashes into rocks and explodes, Wes holds Karen close. Next frame is at a hotel where Karen thanks Wes*

Warlock: For killing her brother, that’s some thanks.

 

*Walid runs up and says Salin is in trouble. Keith has taken over the orphanage*

Warlock: How did he know Wes was with Salin? This is definitely no coincidence.

 

*Wes shows up to the crime scene and Ramsey is there waiting. Keith has 20 kids hostage and he wants Wes. Wes shouts in the megaphone that he’s there. If he lets the kids go, he can have him. The 20 kids immediately run out*

Warlock: Now the smart thing would be for a SWAT team to run in and get him.

 

*Keith’s goons go to intercept Wes and he knocks them both out. Keith has Salin at gunpoint and Wes tells him to let the old man go. Keith shoots at Wes and tells him to come and get him. Wes chases Keith to the roof where he threatens to toss Salin off. Wes tosses Keith the gun and Keith says bad move, now they’re both gonna die. Salin elbows Keith in the ribs and Wes tackles him off the roof…onto another roof below*

Warlock: Sacked for a loss.

 

*Keith spirals over one side of the roof, Wes the other. Wes falls through the roof and into a boiler room. Keith turns on the boiler and pretends to be hurt. He then attacks him before running away*

Warlock: When is this gonna fucking endddddd???

 

*Keith plays cat and mouse with Wes.  Keith throws a knife but Wes catches it in midair*

Warlock: One last kick in the nuts to anyone watching this expecting logic.

 

*Finally Wes and Keith go one on one. Wes beats the crap out of Keith until he cheats and starts beating Wes down. Keith taunts Wes that HE killed Joe all along. Keith says it was easier for Wes to take the blame. Keith goes to blow the place and Wes wants to go one more time. Wes annihilates Keith and Keith gets trapped. Keith says to rescue him and Wes runs out just as the place blows. Karen asks what happened and he doesn’t answer. The school kids all celebrate around Wes*

Warlock: A hero’s welcome…..

 

*End credits*

Warlock: Thank fucking god its over.

 

The Warlock”s Assessment: That was one of the worst “fighting” movies I’ve ever seen. It had poor acting, horrible dialogue, TERRIBLE looped in dialogue, absolutely no logic at all. It was a complete piece of crap. I give it a 3 out of 10 and anybody out there should avoid it at all costs.

Final Grade: 3 out of 10 – Abysmal

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock: I was dreading that IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE would go south and unfortunately it did. Blood Warriors was a total turd and I feel dumber for having watching it. David Bradley wasn’t HALF this awful in American Ninja 3 so there’s no excuse for a performance this bad. That about wraps up another craptastic adventure. Have a pleasant evening.

230. Fist Fighter (1989)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket,  tie dyed t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a sacred chalice of pepsi*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock makes lightning strike before walking inside*

Warlock: Tonight its another IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE and once again I’m flying solo.

*Camera pans to an empty lair*

Warlock: Tonight we take a look at Fist Fighter. Its the 1989 revenge, fighting movie starring Jorge Rivero. Why am I wearing a tie-dye tshirt? THE REFLECTION OF PERFECTION, THE NUMBER ONE SELECTION, THE MAN OF THE HOUR, THE ONE WITH THE POWER AND TOO SWEET TO BE SOUR…SUPERSTAR..BILLY…GRAHAM!!! Yes, former WWWF Champion “Superstar” Billy Graham is in this so I’m definitely interested.

*Warlock takes a seat in the recliner*

Warlock: Tape up your knuckles, its time for Fist Fighter.

 

Directed by Frank Zuniga

Written by Max Bloom and Carlos Vasallo

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “An ex-boxer comes back to a town called Rosario in South America taking revenge for the death of a friend”

Warlock: Oh boy, a revenge movie.

 

*Opening credits of some guy driving a bulldozer*

Warlock: The bulldozer already won best supporting actor 30 seconds into the movie.

 

*CJ Thunderbird (Jorge Rivero) is introduced at the pay window, two weeks pay, he hits up the Crazy Bull salloon. The arm wrestler (“Superstar” Billy Graham) has 2-1 odds to win*

Warlock: The women’s pet, the men’s regret where what you see is what you get but what you don’t see…..is better yet.

 

*The dog wants in the bar but the bouncer denies him. The arm wrestler wins and says to get him out of there. He wants 5-1 odds and CJ drops a grand on the table. Arm wrestler calls him a faggot and tells him to shut up*

Warlock: Graham playing the heel, old hat to him.

 

*Arm wrestler says he’s gonna break CJ’s arm. Arm wrestler gets the early advantage but CJ wins it. He hands some money to the guy Wrestler beat moments earlier to take care of his arm. Wrestler challenges him to another match and CJ says no. He goes to the bar and Wrestler walks away*

Warlock: What, no chair shot to the back or a bar clearing brawl?

 

*The dog begs CJ for attention as some woman rides a mechanical bull. CJ goes to leave but Wrestler stops him. Wrestler calls him a scumbag and CJ pops him and his two buddies*

Warlock: That’s more like it.

 

*CJ gets his jacket and goes upstairs. Next frame is CJ driving with the dog chasing behind*

Warlock: Forget the bulldozer, the dog is going to win best supporting actor.

 

*CJ reads a telegram that Rhino Reinhardt (Matthias Hues) is boxing near Bolivia, Rhino killed CJ’s friend two years earlier*

Warlock: Finally a plot.

 

*The dog chases after the jeep so CJ pulls over and lets him in*

Warlock: What’s the dog’s name?

 

*CJ takes a bus to Bolivia with the dog in tow*

Warlock: Could have edited this part out but whatever.

 

*CJ and the dog exit the bus. CJ asks where he can find Rhino. Some guy tells him around the corner. Meanwhile the manager (Helmut Schivety) trains King Bellinakov (Jimmy Nickerson). He asks if he managers Rhino and he says he trains him. CJ wants to fight Rhino but manager says if he wants Rhino, he has to fight King first*

Warlock: Good, keep this going, end it early.

 

*CJ takes the fight and some midget tells a hustler that the fight between CJ and King is that night. The hustler is Punchy Moses (Edward Albert). Punchy asks Manager what the odds on CJ/King is, Manager says no odds. Punchy then introduces himself to CJ as the dog chews on his leg*

Warlock: CJ’s bodyguard.

 

*Punchy bullshits CJ not knowing who he is and claiming “this guy CJ” is a real mean guy. CJ bullshits him back and asks if he knows him. Punchy says they’re good friends and he wants to put 2-1 odds on King. CJ says he’ll put 200 bucks down. Punchy asks his name and CJ says Charlie*

Warlock: Hustlers, gotta love them. Love Edward Albert’s fake latino accent though.

 

*Punchy goes around hobnobbing people. CJ bets 2500 dollars on himself. Billy Vance (Mike Connors) and Ellen (Brenda Bakke) look on. The final bets are made as CJ prepares for battle. Manager introduces King and CJ in a bare knuckles fistfight. No biting, low blows or kicks…2 time outs per person. The winner fights Rhino. Rhino shakes manager’s hand as King taunts Rhino by utting a cigar out on King’s own head. Rhino hopes he wins so he can get a good workout. The bell rings and CJ beats the crap out of King*

Warlock: Wouldn’t be much of a movie if he lost.

 

*CJ bloodies King’s face and drops him for the victory. Manager calls it off as Punchy celebrates*

Warlock: He’s acting like he won the pony.

 

*Billy, Ellen and Rhino watch. CJ collects his 5 grand as Billy calls it impressive. Billy wants to recruit CJ for his stable and CJ turns him down, he wants to fight Rhino. Billy says give him the 5 grand and he’ll put 45-1 odds on him. CJ takes it, tells Rhino he’s waiting a long time for this and says to Billy he’ll be in touch. Moreno (Simon Andreu) puts 100 grand on Rhino. Outside, Punchy and CJ share bonding moments*

Warlock: What a hustle.

 

*Punchy says CJ will need his help to train for the fight with Rhino. Punchy has a pet iguana named Quasimodo*

Warlock: Neyz would love that.

 

*CJ looks at Punchy’s wall of fame and CJ says he only wants Rhino, he’s done after. He asks about Billy and Billy is a big time gangster down there. CJ asks about the trophies inside and Punchy kind of blows him off. Punchy says he had a title shot for the world championship and a mobster told him to take a dive. Punchy refused, won the fight and the mobster had his leg cut off. CJ feels bad and asks him to be his trainer*

Warlock: Sweet, character development.

 

*CJ trains with Punchy acting as a trainer. We cut to the bar where Punchy and CJ make their appearance. Billy welcomes them and Punchy says he’s the manager. Billy says to ditch Punchy and join him, CJ turns him down.  The final bets are made, Billy bets 25 grand. CJ and Rhino get ready*

Warlock: This would be a pretty short movie if CJ wins.

 

*CJ sticks and moves to avoid the heavy haymakers early but Rhino gets the advantage in the corner. CJ ducks under a haymaker and corners Rhino much to Punchy’s delight. Rhino bearhugs him into the center but CJ drops him with a right hook. Rhino gets up and unloads on CJ in the corner. CJ ducks and Rhino dents the stantion. CJ rallies with right hands as Manager calls time with Rhino about to drop. Billy checks on Rhino and Rhino says his hands broken. Billy tells a lackey to go to the police*

Warlock: Something is afoot.

 

*Round two begins with CJ cleaning Rhino’s clock when the police guy hits the circuit breaker and a whole bunch of police flood the bar. The money is stolen as Punchy and CJ are placed under arrest along with most of the crowd.  Moreno is told by the Captain that this won’t happen again. Captain Delgado (Emiliano Redondo) reports to Billy who says it was an unfortunate mistake, Billy says to go with that and pays him off*

Warlock: What a crook.

 

*CJ and Punchy are set free and Punchy says he had Rhino beat.  CJ wants to confront Billy and Punchy says he’s too dangerous to be messed with. CJ and Punchy visit Billy’s residence with Ellen swimming around to a saxophone theme*

Warlock: Yeah, I see where this is going.

 

*Rhino sits with Billy as CJ confronts him about the night before. CJ wants the money and Billy says the police took it and to write it off as a business loss. CJ says he wants only the money he put in, Billy says put up another stake and they’ll have another fight. CJ says Billy needs to lean on the police to make it fair. Billy says not to threaten him, he doesn’t him as an enemy. Rhino has a cast on and he tells CJ had he not broken his hand, CJ wouldn’t be alive. CJ “Lucky me.” Billy tells Ellen to get rid of Punchy and CJ. She wants CJ’s attention but he blows her off*

Warlock: She was 26 and he was 51….huge age difference.

 

*Ellen wants to show Billy’s car collection to CJ and Punchy. They initially resist until Ellen pulls out the bag of money missing from the fight. Punchy grabs the money and Ellen has to hold CJ back from going after Billy. Punchy hides the money and CJ thanks her before leaving. Punchy celebrates at the bar but CJ is still down*

Warlock: Take it and run…..but then again there would be no movie.

 

*Punchy asks why Rhino means so much to him and CJ has his reasons. Delgado pulls up and Punchy tells him to get to the point.  Delgado takes the money bag and calls for his officers to arrest Punchy and CJ. Punchy says “I didn’t even get to finish my beer.” CJ then drops Delgado with a right hand and Punchy knocks out one of the other officers. CJ grabs Delgado and says to tell Billy to mind his own business*

Warlock: Assaulting an officer right there, not that it matters.

 

*Billy throws the money bag in front of Ellen in a jacuzzi. He says you can take the bitch out of the gutter but not the gutter out of the bitch and swipes at her. Billy starts slapping her and later she meets CJ. Her eye is nearly swolen shut and CJ consoles her*

Warlock: Good for heel heat.

 

*Ellen says she’s never seen Billy this crazy. She wants to go with him*

Warlock: Yeah, share the back with the dog.

 

*Pointless sex scene*

Warlock: Good, get it out of the way early, still have 45 minutes left.

 

*The dog barks to wake Punchy up and calls for CJ.  Delgado then has Punchy shot as CJ is taken into custody.  In a bad overdub, Delgado says you don’t want to get hurt. Delgado shoots at the dog and knocks out CJ*

Warlock: Well we had 45 minutes left, had to extend this somehow.

 

*CJ is taken to prison.Moreno is the warden and he  has someone hung up as an example of theivery. He’s then thrown into a cage. Moreno says if he wins the fight, he wins his freedom. His opponent is The Beast (Gus Rethwisch)*

Warlock: Its Buzzsaw from Running Man.

 

*Beast absolutely destroys the prisoner and snaps his neck. Moreno looks at CJ and said the prisoner killed two young girls*

Warlock: I like what I see, trash taking care of itself.

 

*CJ’s cellmate Munes (Eleazar Garcia Jr) finds a pidgeon as company. He kills it and eats it as breakfast*

Warlock: Good thing Neyzor Blades didn’t see that.

 

*Some vato threatens CJ in the mines, CJ holds his ground. Later The vato gang takes the cellmate hostage and CJ beats the shit out of them until Moreno arrives. Moreno calls CJ a brave warrior. Moreno explains the Inca warriors used to battle in the ancient times. Moreno wants him to be his yard boss and CJ refuses. Moreno says he can make his life a living hell and make his taty longer, CJ says he doesn’t plan to stay long. Moreno has CJ tossed in “the hole”. CJ shrugs it off*

Warlock: This went from a fighting movie to Lock Up real quick.

 

*Moreno offers CJ a fight with Rhino if he’ll join him, CJ walks off. Moreno makes CJ fill the whole it took him days to dig on top of his stay in the hole. Finally two guards release CJ from the hole and bring him to see Punchy. Punchy asks what they did to him and CJ says nothing he can’t handle. Punchy says Moreno wants him to fight and CJ says if he does, he’ll never get out of there. Punchy admits Billy blackballed him from everything in town. Moreno shows up and Punchy insults Moreno before he leaves. He says he’s gonna make CJ proud. Moreno has CJ detained and threatens him with more mine work. CJ does it without complaint*

Warlock: Ok, half hour left. Time to get out of prison.

 

*Munes says he may die in prison but CJ has other plans. Munes takes him to a secret area where there’s a hole. Munes says it leads to an old camp but is very dangerous. CJ and unes are taken away but they covered the hole first. An earthquake clears out the mine of the workers and guards so CJ and Munes clear the hole. CJ goes through it alone*

Warlock: Should have taken Munes with him.

 

*CJ makes his way toward the light where he finds human remains. Behind him guards approach. CJ picks his way free where he’s grabbed by awaiting guards. Moreno says he could have brought him fortune and honor*

Warlock: Wow, this really is Lock Up.

 

*Ellen tries to talk Punchy out of something stupid. Ellen says we need him*

Warlock: Who’s we?

 

*Punchy tells Ellen he loves her forever*

Warlock: 23 minutes left, how are they going to end this?

 

*Punchy confronts Billy, Rhino and Delgado. He calls Billy dogshit and Rhino goes to attack, Billy stops him. Billy says to find out how big a man he is. Rhino stands up and Punchy tries to fight him. Rhino no sells everything Punchy throws as Ellen screams to stop it. Rhino beats the shit out of Punchy as she continues to scream*

Warlock: Its not like CJ can save the day as he’s locked up in prison.

 

*Rhino continues the assault until Billy calls him off. Ellen tends to Punchy and says they can all rot in hell*

Warlock: This is gonna suck.

 

*Moreno has CJ in the cage to fight The Beast. CJ out manuvers the big guy, sticking and moving. Beast no sells a lot of punches but a kick to the face hurts him. Beast locks in a bear hug but CJ grabs him by the balls, beginning the comeback. The formerly hostile prisoners cheer for CJ as CJ beats the shit out of The Beast, dropping him with a flurry of punches. CJ goes to kill him but stops*

Warlock: Doesn’t want to bring him down to Moreno’s level.

 

*CJ yells to Moreno that he promised his freedom. CJ wants to know if Moreno is a man of honor or not. The entire crowd turns to Moreno and Moreno says he can go. CJ is carried out on everyone’s shoulders*

Warlock: Well that’s step one. Now he has to go save Ellen from Billy and Rhino.

 

*CJ goes to Punchy’s trailer where Ellen is. Ellen tells CJ that Punchy is hurt badly*

Warlock: Ever heard of a hospital.

 

*Punchy tells CJ that Rhino telegraphs every punch with his chest and to watch for it. Punchy says he had Rhino beat but he saved him for CJ. Punchy dies after telling CJ to kick his ass and that he loves him*

Warlock: *Fakes death* EHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

*Ellen cries as CJ says he loves him too. Ellen says he never had a chance, he was drunk and a fool. Ellen grabs the championship belt Punchy had in his hands and says it doesn’t matter anymore. CJ it matters a lot*

Warlock: Killed the dog, killed Punchy, time for revenge.

 

*CJ confronts Billy at the cafe. He tells Rhino he did quitea job. CJ says to try him. Billy sicks Delgado, some goon and Rhino on him and Billy says he likes the odds. Moreno appears and says so does he. His prison guards cock their rifles*

Warlock: A face turn by Moreno….nice.

 

*Moreno tells everyone to sit down. He says he knows a good bet when he sees one. Moreno says that night at 9 PM, Rhino against CJ with no interruptions. Moreno tells CJ to beat it and he leaves. We cut directly to the fight between Rhino and CJ*

Warlock: Yeesh, no intros, no warning its “Oh time to fight!”

 

*CJ gets the upperhand as an increasingly nervous Billy screams at Rhino. They trade punches until CJ gets the advantage with haymakers. Rhino gets dropped as Billy calls for time. Billy shouts at Rhino in the corner as Moreno laughs with CJ in the other corner. The bell dings and CJ continues the onslaught but Rhino rallies with a series of left hands that drop CJ. The bell dings and the guards cock their guns to make sure Rhino doesn’t cheat. Rhino sits in his corner as Billy calls it beautiful. The midget reports to Moreno as CJ remembers Punchy’s words. A whole crowd of people run in to watch the third and final round. CJ dodges every punch Rhino throws and counters with haymakers. Rhino begins swinging wildly and CJ counters with crushing right hooks*

Warlock: He rope a doped him.

 

*CJ his about 20 straight shots before backing Rhino up against the pillar. CJ finishes him off with a series of right hooks as the crowd chants for CJ. With Rhino defeated CJ points a fist at Billy. Billy goes to threaten CJ and CJ punches him down. CJ wants to finish him off and Moreno says HE’LL take care of him, his way. He hands 25 grand to CJ as his share of the winnings as CJ walks out to Ellen. They kiss as CJ hands her a wad of cash and tells her to make sure Punchy always has flowers. She says to take care of himself as he walks off. End credits*

Warlock: He never got revenge on Delgado for shooting the dog. Kind of cheap but whatever.

 

The Warlock’s Assessment: Not the greatest movie but that has more to do with the cast than it does the story. There were some character development but the ending left a lot to be desired. Unless Moreno threw Delgado, Rhino and Billy into prison, it feels unsatisfactory. The heels pretty much got away with murder. For that I give the movie a 4.5 out of 10. I don’t recommend it unless you have absolutely nothing else to watch or are a big Superstar Billy Graham fan.

Final Grade: 4.5 out of 10 – Below Average

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock: Not the best I’ve seen, hopefully next time will be better. That about wraps up another below average adventure, have a pleasant evening.

229. Out For Blood (1992)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, PRIMAL FEAR t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a diamond studded goblet of Dr. Pepper*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock shoots fire into the sky before entering the lair*

Warlock: Tonight its another solo IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE called Out For Blood. Don “Dragon” Wilson beats the shit out of a bunch of people, you get the idea.

*Warlock takes his seat in the recliner*

Warlock: So let’s get this over with, time to put on Out For Blood.

 

 

Directed by Richard W Munchkin

Written by Robert Easter, Neva Friedenn, Paul Maslak and Don Wilson
*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “A lawyer’s family is murdered by drug smugglers, and he is beaten and left for dead, but survives although in a coma. When he awakes he only has a partial memory of what happened. In order to find out the real story, he trains with a karate master and becomes a mysterious avenger known as “The Karate Man”

Warlock: So more or less Hard To Kill and The Karate Kid put together….great.

 

*Opening credits has John Decker (Don “Dragon” Wilson) trainingJ*

Warlock: Wasn’t this out of Ring of Fire as well?

 

*John runs in slow motion before running in real time in between flashbacks of him teaching a little boy to fight and a woman saying “I love you”*

Warlock: so rather than get a flashback scene, the writer just goes back and forth to save time. I like it.

 

*John flashes back to kissing the girl as he runs into an elbow from the Street Dealer (Art Camacho)*

Warlock: And the 40th movie in a row with a guest appearance by Art Camacho.

 

*John flashes back to the woman being attacked as he calls the Dealer dirt. John beats the shit out of him and rips the key of coke. More back and forth flashback of John’s kid being killed as well as his girl. John then runs from the dealer and the buyer. John runs up a fire escape with 3 men chasing him*

Warlock: Love to see him beat the fuck out of these guys.

 

*Dealer says he’s gonna kill him and John says you can’t kill a man that’s already dead. John kills Dealer and one of his bodyguards. He has flashbacks of the men that destroyed his life and kicks the third guy off the roof, killing him on a car below*

Warlock: This is more bloodier than most of Don’s movies and we’re less than 10 minutes into it.

 

*Lt Edward Croft (Michael DeLano) rings the doorbell of someone who doesn’t answer. He pulls out a lockpick and unlocks the door. He walks up the stairs and John tells him that’s breaking and entering. Croft tells him that John doesn’t have selective amnesia. Dr Jay “Mack” McConnell (Ron Steelman) is the one who told him that. John says he waited 15 months for the police to bring down the guys who murdered his family and they’ve done nothing*

Warlock: Why wait for the police to do anything?

 

*John throws him out and Croft says he has his number and call him if he thinks of anything. A newscaster reports that an unidentified man killed 3 drug dealers and a homeless lady calls him a karate man*

Warlock: Nice working title.

 

*Mack brings John to an art exhibit and checks out a woman as Mack says there’s beautiful work in here. Joanna Montague (Shari Shattuck) walks over*

Warlock: Otherwise known as Mrs. Heavenly Hips.

 

*Mack introduces John as a lawyer and Joanna hopes he’s rich and ruthless. John says he’s not rich but very ruthless. Joanna grabs Mack to persuade him to buy something as John checks out various paintings*

Warlock: Real pleasant, can we get back to the action?

 

*Joanna tells John she doesn’t paint. Joanna brings John to meet the artist, Hiroshi (Aki Aleong). Hiroshi without knowing him bows and figures out John is not well. John tells him that he’s peaceful and lost his family. Hiroshi explains everything peaceful started with something violent. We get a flashback of Jeffrey (Richard Rabago) and Laura (Melinda Clarke) being murdered. Mack brings John out of his hypnosis spell. John says he feels like a trainwreck. Mack tries to reason that it wasn’t his fault they died*

Warlock: He’s right.

 

*Mack says there’s an explanation of his condition in a gigantic encylopedia and John says that will help him sleep that night. Suddenly the drug dealer he kicked off the roof is wheeled in like a blithering idiot as Mack and John both ignore him. Mack tells John that Joanna is out of his league. Mack says she has a jealous ex boyfriend. Suddenly the drug dealer wakes up and is a roided out bodybuilder. John kocks him out with the briefcase handle. He trells Mack he feels better and we cut to him training on the beach*

Warlock: Almost as bad ass of a lawyer as Harvey Dent.

 

*John calls up a police seargeant in regards to his case file. He looks at it that night along with a bag of clothes and a gun. He looks at the picture of Laura and says he’ll be seeing her. Jack dresses in all black and beats the fuck out of a drug dealer before we cut*

Warlock: So he’s Batman now? A secret vigilante that beats drug dealers to a pulp with his bare hands……sounds good to me.

 

*Some lady (Denise Dowse) is confronted by 3 crackhouse dealers (Howard Jackson, Jenard Wells and Troy Augborne). The leader tries to strong arm her and she tells them to fuck off. John sneaks up behind them. One of the others goes to throw a molotov cocktail innto the woman’s home and John grabs the burning rag out just in time, so the guy throws a beer bottle against the steps*

Warlock: Even if the rag was still in, that was lousy aim, the concrete steps is nowhere near the porch.

 

*John throws the rag in one guy’s face and beats the shit out of the others. The lady says thank you before John leaves. Next John has soup at a local diner when a no-goodnik enters and pulls a gun. John has a flashback of the murderer and disarms him. John beats the fuck out of him too and smashes a bottle over his head. The diner owner bows her head as John leaves*

Warlock: Didn’t think this was going to be a vigilante superhero movie.

 

*John calls Mack that he had a nightmare and Mack tells him to come to the office now. We cut to a drug lab as a newscaster talks about “The Karate Man” killing 5. Croft goes on TV and says they’ll prosecute Karate Man if he has to. Bubbah (Joey Sagal) tells Rick (Todd Curtis) that there’s a psycho on their case. Bubbah says he’s going on vacation and Rick slowly clams him down. Bo (Addison Randall) and Blade (Ken McLeod) are also introduced. Blade jump kicks Bubbah and Rick says no one quits. Blade snaps Bubbah’s arm. Rick says to find The Karate Man and tells Blade to take care of Bubbah. Rick calls someone and says they have a problem and need to talk about it*

Warlock: Finally the bad guys are established.

 

*Joanna and John go to dinner together. Joanna tells John her life his complicated when Jerry Geisler (Robert Miano) walks in. He sits at the table and Joanna introduces them. Jerry blows him off and wants her to come with him. John tells him to screw so Jerry spills a drink on him. John excuses himself to go to the bathroom and Jerry tells his two bodyguards (Deron McBee and Dino Homesy)  to attack. Joanna yells at Jerry as the bodyguards pounce, only for John to beat the crap out of both of them*

Warlock: Get that piece of crap Jerry next.

 

*John tells the bodyguards he’ll see them later and Jerry non-chalantly says to Joanna that John had to leave. John then sits down next to a stunned Jerry and tells him his two friends are calling for him. Jerry excuses himself and John tells him to take his time. Joanna asks him if he knows how powerful Jerry is and John says to take a chance. They leave as the newscaster reports the Karate Man has delivered a massive amount of coke to the police and the police are pretty much useless. Croft holds a seminar asking what they can do about it*

Warlock: Your jobs!

 

*Hubbel (Beau Billingslea) crack jokes that Karate Man wears tights and they should hire him. Detective Price (Roberta Vasquez) says 203 people have died in drug related incidents. Croft says he wants all available personnel to find Karate Man*

Warlock: So rather than clean up the streets, you’re going after the guy trying to clean up the streets. The cops suck.

 

*Joanna and John share bonding moments in the art gallery until she insults him and calls him a bastard. She explains that her ex boyfriend Michael was in a bad mood and Joanna says she told him to commit suicide, and he did*

Warlock: Wow, what an asshole.

 

*Joanna wakes up and John isn’t there. He’s with Hiroshi having tea. Hiroshi tries to get John to remember the past. Meanwhile the crackhouse bustles with activity. 2 college kids (Michael J Sarna and Keith William) go to buy from Bubbah when John appears behind Bubbah and says he’s out of business. John steals his gun as a dealer shoots one of the kids. John shoots him dead. John shoots another dealer dead and then a third. More goons arrive and John caps them too. John sneaks up and shoots another one.  Some guy in a US army uniform fights John and gets the upper hand*

Warlock: Sgt Savage reporting for duty.

 

*John uses an eye gouge to gain the advantage then beats the shit out of him. John recognizes him as one of the guys that helped kill his family and shoves the key of coke down his throat. John beats the shit out of more goons as he gets away*

Warlock: One down, two to go.

 

*Rick and Blade run up and find the guy dying, Rick shoots him dead*

Warlock: I would say “take out your own guy” but he was already dying.

 

*Joanna and John are together. She finds blood on his clothes. The newscaster says 29 men have been either killed or jailed by Karate Man.  Croft reports the guy who swallowed coke was a convicted felon as Joanna figures out John is Karate Man*

Warlock: Now she’s gonna go spill the beans.

 

*Joanna gives John a painting that Hiroshi made. We get a near sex scene before cutting to Blade. He laments losing so many men to just one guy. Rick yells at him and says to focus on the shipping of coke coming that night. They pack for battle. Meanwhile Jerry’s bodyguards attack John again and once again John beats the shit out of them. John throws one of them into a phone booth and the coins scatter everywhere*

Warlock: Fumble!!!

 

*John bangs on Joanna’s door and demands an explanation. John says she set him up and she says she called Mack and told him he was Karate Man. They yell at each other and John says he’s coming after Jerry. Joanna tells him to bring it and John walks out. John visits Hiroshi and Hiroshi says he’s leaving the city the next night. John then yells at Mack for spying on him. Mack says Jerry is a big time drug dealer that killed Joanna’s ex, he never committed suicide. John storms out and gets packed for battle*

Warlock: We got a half hour left, this is too early for the big finale.

 

*The bodyguards chase John in a car, he jumps on the hood as a police cruiser pulls up and chases the car. Croft jumps out of the cruiser and asks if they are friends of his. Croft has the goons hauled off and he says he’;ll buy John a drink. John cleans himself up and Croft questions him at the bar. John says he does some running from time to time. Croft says he thinks he’s Karate Man and asks what he wants with Joanna. John asks about Michael and Croft says Jerry used political power to get himself cleared, Croft did the investigating*

Warlock: Red flag right there.

 

*John pays for the drinks and goes to leave, Croft more or less says he makes more money than most cops. Blade tells a kid (Tarous Jaghory) to stand guard. Rick tells his employer everything is according to plan. A lookout guy (Don Niam) is dispatched by John. The lookout guy fails to respond as a van crashes through the wall with the lookout guy inside. Meanwhile John cuts the power. John remmebers Rick and Blade killing his wife and kid. John takes a pill and leaves behind a clue. He starts capping the crackhouse goons. John beats the crap out of another guy hand to hand*

Warlock: 20 minutes left, can’t be the end.

 

*John tackles the kid but lets him go. The place catches fire and explodes just as John and the kid make it out. Two goons burn to death*

Warlock: Holy shit this is graphic….I love it.

 

*A wounded John knocks on Joanna’s door. She tells him to get lost. John doesn’t care and says he’s finished as Karate Man, he almost killed a kid. Joanna hugs him close*

Warlock: Oh what the fuck?

 

*Croft finds a clue that John blew up the crack lab but tells Hubbel its just some blood. Hubbel and Price identify 7 bodies, all criminals. Croft says sooner or later Karate Man will slip as John wakes up next to Joanna in the middle of the night. Croft pulls a gun and tells them they’re going for a ride. John complains about police procedure and Croft tells him to shut the fuck up*

Warlock” This would be a crummy heel turn.

 

*Joanna is left behind but she hears a noise. Rick stands behind her and cocks a gun. Meanwhile Croft admits he knows he’s Karate Man. John figures out they’re not going to the police station. He punches out Croft and runs for it. John goes back home and Rick tells him to show up at sunrise or else he finishes off Joanna*

Warlock: 12 minutes left, time for the big finale.

 

*Blade waits for John while Rick taunts Joanna. Blade senses he’s here and John shows up with a sub machine gun. Blade tosses his piece to Rick and says John doesn’t look so bad to him. John tosses his gun and they circle*

Warlock: The final fight.

 

*John beats the shit out of Blade*

Warlock: That was pretty one sided.

 

*Blade gets the upperhand with a board as John figures out it was Blade who killed his wife and son. John rips his earing out, kicks him in the junk and knocks him backwards. Rick tosses Blade a knife but John guts him with it, killing him. Suddenly Hubbel pulls up in a cruiser and holds John at gunpoint*

Warlock: This can’t be good.

 

*Mack walks up behind a trailer and says he didn’t want any of this. John figures out it was MACK who had his family killed years ago. Mack says if he sold one last shipment, he could have retired and would have left John alone. Now he has to start all over. Mack admits Laura said he’d be out of town and never thought he’d show up the night Blade and Rick killed them. He reveals he hid what really happened by saying he did hypnotherapy while John was still in a coma. The headache pills were to keep him under wraps. Rick says they have to go and Mack says he’s right. Rick says he’ll see Karate Man in hell and he’s suddenly blown away by Croft who had pulled up to the scene*

Warlock: Here he comes to save the dayyyyyyyyyyyyy

 

*Vasquez pulls up and starts shooting at Hubbel. Mack takes off in an airplane as John hops in a jeep and takes off after it*

Warlock: How are you gonna stop a plane?

 

*Joanna picks up Rick’s gun and tags Hubbel in the leg. Hubbel manages to shoot down Croft but Croft finishes him off with a shotgun. John then hops on the plane’s wing*

Warlock: Toss a grenade in there….oh wait, he don’t have one.

 

*John runs from the plane and it mysteriously explodes*

Warlock: Well that was random.

 

*Jerry watches the proceedings in a limo. It pulls up as Joanna runs up and hugs John. Jerry admits he had the plane rigged to eliminate all his competition. As a token of his appreciation he lets Joanna and John go free. He drives off as Croft says Jerry is his next target as Karate Man. Croft says he was trying to recruit him for his covert ops group the night before and asks him to help bring down Jerry. Jerry doesn’t really answer, he asks if Joanna wants breakfast. End credits*

Warlock: That was pretty good.

 

The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 7 out of 10. That was more gruesome than his normal movies and it made for a great revenge story. The acting was…okay…but the vigilante killing and besting the shit out of criminals element made it a pleasure to watch. I definitely recommend this.

Final Grade: 7 out of 10 – Great

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock: Fuck yeah. That was one of Don Wilson’s better movies and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I wish more of them was this good. Anyway that wraps up another great adventure, have a pleasant evening.

228. Red Sun Rising (1994)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, ALIEN t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a silver canteen of Pepsi*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock flicks his wrist and fire appears, he levitates before walking inside*

Warlock: Tonight its another solo IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE. Tonight we look at Red Sun Rising, the 1994 martial arts movie with an all-star cast. Will it be good? Let’s find out.

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the recliner*

Warlock: So let’s fire up Red Sun Rising.

 

Directed by Francis Megahy

 

Written by Robert Easter, Neva Friedenn, Paul Masiak

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

 

Warlock: “Japan’s toughest cop is in LA to track down the Yakuza’s deadliest killer”

Warlock: Should make for one hell of an end fight.

 

*Opening credits*

Warlock: This is actually a hell of a cast. Michael Ironside, Don Wilson, Mako, Soon-Tek Oh, Terry Farrell, James Lew….damn, now I’m interested.

 

*Oyabun (Toshishiro Obata) reads the news as his secretary (Mary Sum) brings him tea. His men (Ewart Chin, Joe Hanlin, Anthony Jaramilla, May May, Steve Moss, Joey Nguyen, Long Nguyen, Jody Sasaki and Ken Yasuda) play dominoes. The graphic reads Kyoto, Japan. Meanwhile outside Thomas Hoshino (Don “Dragon” Wilson is outside with his partner. His partner speaks in Japanese that Yamata (Soon-Tek Oh) isn’t going to show. Thomas answers in English that he’ll be there*

Warlock: I know he’s not really Japanese but you could at least teach him a few phrases to at least sound it.

 

*Thomas and his partner watches a car pull up. Yamata walks out along with some bodyguards. Yamata walks in the pagoda and immediately kills Oyabun in a sword fight*

Warlock: Wow, that didn’t take long.

 

*Thomas waits outside as bodyguards are tossed left and right. Thomas joins in and a brawl develops. Jaho (James Lew) starts wiping out guys left and right with a sword. Thomas and his partner wipe out Yakuza and Oyabun men left and right. Jaho snaps the neck of the secretary too*

Warlock: What a heel.

 

*Jaho drinks something out of a vial and Thomas enters with a sword*

Warlock: A little early for the one on one fight.

 

*Jaho beats the crap out of Thomas and goes to finish him off when Yamata walks in. His partner pulls a gun only for Jaho to stare at him and put the guy in a trance. Jaho turns to Thomas and says to watch what he can do. Jaho calls out what’s going to happen and then hits the partner in the chest with a CGI effect. Jaho and Yamata walk out*

Warlock: Why didn’t he kill Thomas right then and there?

 

*The partner was Yuji (Yuji Okumoto)

Warlock: Aww fuck, now I remember, that’s Chozen from Karate Kid 2.

 

*The Kyoto Police Captain (Joe Kuroda) says Thomas got Yuji killed and he should have expected it since he’s only half Japanese*

Warlock: Yeah they hate half breeds in Japan, even worse than the deep south in America.

 

*Four months later in California, Councilman Royce (Leonard O Turner) is asked about the death of Father Munoz (Pablo Velazques). Royce says the killer has made the top of his list and they will find him. Detective Karen Ryder (Terry Farrell) walks to the scene to investigate. Father was the peacemaker between a gang war between Iceman (Shashawnee Hall) and Malito (Art Camacho)

Warlock: Movie number seven thousand I’ve seen with Art Camacho as the fight director.

 

*Karen asks her partner where they got machine guns. Suddenly a fight breaks out between Ray (James Hatch) and some local latino. Ray manages to call the guy every racist name in the book along with sexually harrassing Karen. Karen responds by asking for him to pull his penis out only she left her magnifying glass at home. The crowd guffaws*

Warlock: Burn!

 

*Ray is escorted away as the latino is Hector (Peter Mark Vasquez) who says the Malito’s will pay. Rita (Jacqueline Obradors) says they can handle themselves. Karen pulls her aside and says what happened to Father Munoz could happen to her. Karen wants Rita to stall Hector so she can find out who’s behind it. The newswoman (Judy Lea) says a 19 year old was killed last week. Next frame has Gamal (Stoney Jackson) visiting the grave site. The other crying members of the family blow him off*

Warlock: Too much going on in one movie. Mexican gangbangers, Yakuza, Don Wilson….

 

*Jaho corners a black woman and kills her. Gamal and his boys walk back and find her body. Gamal pulls his gun and screams*

Warlock: Are we gonna get an explanation?

 

*Cab driver (Ken Davitian) charges Thomas 100 dollars from the airport to the police station. Cabbie “Next time take bus.” Thomas forks over Yen as he spots Yamata leaving the police station, Cabbie yells at him for real money and Thomas pulls his badge, telling him to follow the car. Cabbie says okay*

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Yamata is being transferred to a police station. Karen calls him Godzilla and he laughs it off. Thomas runs up and shows his ID to Karen. Karen says “You speak Engrish?” A miffed Thomas “Engrish is not one of my favorite languages but I speak it reasonably well”

Warlock: Damn you Karen.

 

*Thomas is there to bring Yamata extradited but Karen says he’s wanted for busting up a bar in LA. Thomas says he killed his partner and Karen leds him ride. Thomas speaks in dubbed Japanese that he’s there for him and Yamata says he’s sorry for the loss of his partner*

Warlock: Should have done that in the beginning of the movie.

 

*Karen asks why Japanese sounds like a worn out transmission. Thomas asks where Jaho is and he happens to be in disguise behind them*

Warlock: There he is.

 

*Yamata says he wouldn’t buy off Thomas because he’s nothing. Thomas offers jail perks and Yamata brushes him off.  Thomas threatens to tell everyone while Yamata is away that he’s an honorless rat, causing Yamata to attack and Jaho to use his hidden, CGI power on Yamata*

Warlock: Yeah, Japan is very big on honor. Saying you have  no honor in Japan is worse than calling someone gay or something.

 

*Thomas tells Yamata they have until they leave to cut a deal. Suddenly Yamata drops dead and Thomas calls him a son of a bitch. Karen asks what he said to him, Thomas said he’d dishonor him. Karen says “Yeah that would give anyone a heart attack*

Warlock: What did I say a minute ago?

 

*Karen pulls up in her car and initially Thomas wants nothing to do with her. She says her captain says she needs to keep an eye on him. Thomas says he has to go somewhere first, she’s driving. Thomas says her car is huge and she says its the way cars should be until the Japanese screwed it up. Thomas says low quality killed the American car industry, not them*

Warlock: Oh god, not this shit again. As if Gung Ho and Collision Course didn’t bring that shit up enough.

 

*Thomas brings Karen’s to Yjui’s uncle Buntoro Iga (Mako). He was Thomas’ master and teacher. He spent most of his life as a Shinto priest. Buntoro answers the door listening to 50’s rock and wearing American pajamas before embracing Thomas*

Warlock: Yeah, saw that coming.

 

*Karen introduces herself to Buntoro and he says she’s English and French. Karen is impressed that he’s correct and Buntoro offers booze to them. Thomas wants tea because he’s there on serious business and Buntoro says patience. Mariko (Charlene Paulo) and Katie (Leisa Sheridan) are Buntoro’s girlfriends, they’re introduced. Buntoro says he gave up priesthood over drinks. Buntoro says he decided to give instead of take. He became a shoe salesman. Buntoro has a parakeet named Rasputin*

Warlock: Neyz would like that.

 

*Thomas gets serious and says he will avenge Yuji. Buntoro drinks to that*

Warlock: Cheers.

 

*Thomas asks how Jaho became so powerful. He admits that Yamata was trying to take over the LA operation. Jaho takes out the coroner and Buntoro asks how Yamata died. Buntoro wants to see the body. Jaho pulls Yamata’s body out and starts doing chi. Suddenly Yamata comes to*

Warlock: Oh great, he can revive the dead now.

 

*Yamata wakes up as Kerry, Buntoro and Thomas walk in. Kerry and Buntoro investigate with Thomas close behind. Yamata is gone and the coroner is dead on the table. Kerry walks in and figure out the Iceman is behind it. Jaho loads Yamata in the car as Icemen attack. Thomas takes them out with hand to hand combat. They all run off when the cops arrive. Kerry wants to know what happened, Buntoro says the death was a charade and Jaho is a master of the death touch. Thomas says it was a myth, Buntoro says its no myth. Buntoro says Jaho is the mirror image of Thomas in that Jaho is the deadliest man alive*

Warlock: Yeah that makes sense…he didn’t kill Yamata…only faked his death to get the cops to get off his case.

 

*Captain Meisler (Michael Ironside) gives Karen and Thomas shit for letting Yamata get away. He calls Thomas the Japanese word for dog and says Thomas is on a plane back to Kyoto that night. All of a sudden Decklin (Edward Albert) walks in and says they want Yamata. Its classified but Thomas reveals Jaho isn’t a name but the word for magic. Decklin says stick to the 20th century. Thomas is asked to look over mugshots*

Warlock: Gonna delay that flight home.

 

*Meisler reveals Father Munoz’ body was taken last night and he wants to know what the feds are up to. He tells Karen to stay on Thomas and she says find someone else that can get along with Japs. Meisler scolds her for using racist language and says to stay with him, she’s off the gang related cases. He says take him to the movies*

Warlock: Yeah, go see Hellraiser 3.

 

*Councilman Royce walks in and tells Meisner that Malito and Icemen are meeting that month. Next frame Thomas gives his number to Decklin and takes his card. Decklin says someone in the department is on the take*

Warlock: Its probably him.

 

*Karen has orders to give Thomas the grand tour and he recluctantly goes along. Thomas and Karen admit they don’t like each other. Thomas says he’s going to find Jaho in Little Tokyo and Karen says no way. Karen says she’ll find reasons to lock him up but he says he won’t make it come to that. She says she worked twice as hard to make detective and she asks why he’s called a dog in Japanese. He says he was 12 years old when he moved to Japan, the only half breed in his school. To survive he had to become more Japanese than they were to save his ass in the school yard. Thomas then starts getting close to her*

Warlock: That was a quick turnaround.

 

*Karen says her father was a foreman in Flint for 29 years. One year before his retirement the plant closed, Japanese imports took over. He had to take a job at a liquor store and he was killed by a gang banger. That’s why she became a cop*

Warlock: That’s not Thomas’ fault.

 

*Karen says she’s gonna meet with one of her informants with information about the meeting. The hangout is an Iceman hang out. Jaho’s car is in the lot. Karen says to call for backup, Thomas says he’ll blend in with the crowd. Thomas enters the club and he’s the only white/Asian there. Gamal meets with Yamata and Jaho. Some gang bangers attack Thomas and he beats the shit out of all off them by himself. Someone goes Eddy Gordo on Thomas and Thomas wipes him out. Gamal then tries his luck but Thomas stops him. Jaho attacks and Thomas tries him instead. Jaho beats the shit out of Thomas as the crowd taunts him. Jaho applies the death touch as Karen fires a shot and says Yamata is wanted for being in tight with the KKK. Gamal believes her and says he shouldn’t have trusted Yamata. Gamal tells Jaho to shut the fuck up and says he’s gonna take care of them. Jaho uses ninja magic to escape with Yamnata as Gamal follows in his own car. Thomas collapses outside the club*

Warlock: Uh oh, movie’s over after 40 minutes.

 

*Gamal and his partner chase the car until they find out Yamata escaped. Yamata says Karen is becoming a pain in the ass and Jaho says he’ll take care of her. Yamata says to make a deal with the Malito’s to piss off the Icemen. Karen brings Thomas to Buntoro’s who calls for booze, acupuncture and incense. Next frame is Thomas in the bathrub with Karen walking in. She says don’t worry, she grew up with 3 brothers. Karen then makes fun of him for shrinkage. She then says Decklin knows Yamata is selling shit to the gangs to fund their war. Buntoro dumps more ice water on him and makes him drink hot stuff to piss him off further. Karen asks if he suffered any permanent damage, Buntoro says no. Buntoro says the next time they meet, one of them will die. He says they must train like they did when he was a child if he wants to defeat Jaho. Jaho takes a swig of his magic potion as we switch to night*

Warlock: This is getting too weird.

 

*Jaho follows Gamal’s partner, pulls out a rocket launcher and blows him away. He then talks to the corpse of Father Munoz and says to keep his mouth shut*

Warlock: He’s lost it folks.

 

*Buntoro whacks Thomas for training lousy*

Warlock: Just like Jackie Chan in The Big Brawl.

 

*Buntoro uses his own magic to knock Thomas in the pool. Buntoro says Thomas can unlock the healing power but has to tame the anger before he can control it. Next frame is Hector finding Father Munoz in his church and rounding up all his soldiers for a raid on the Icemen*

Warlock: Oh boy, a giant misunderstanding.

 

*Karen says she’ll calm the Malito’s down. Karen tries to talk Hector out of it. Karen says no one will be safe and they’re the ones that blew up Iceman’s top lieunntant. Hector says they had nothing to do with that and one of his goons grabs Karen. Thomas knocks the guy down and starts kicking ass*

Warlock: Art Camcaho makes his appearance.

 

*Thomas pulls a gun on Hector and he calls his boys off.  Karen says Councilman Royce organized a peace meeting in 8 days, wait before doing something stupid. Rita runs over and says in 4 days Hector called in reinforcements and plans to attack. Karen tells Thomas that Yamata is double dealing for maximum profits*

Warlock: Money money money.

 

*Ray racially insults blacks to Karen. She tells Steve (Forry Smith) they need to convince Gamal and Hector its a set up. Ray says to let the savages kill each other off and walks away laughing*

Warlock: Please let this asshole be the crooked cop just so Thomas can beat him stupid.

 

*Thomas trains blindfolded*

Warlock: We’re gonna need a montage.

 

*Montage of Thomas training. Eventually he gets the hang of fighting blind. Buntoro  says Thomas was his best student to Karen. He continues to train and Karen says she has a meeting with Royce. Thomas says he’s going to and he makes a phone call to Decklin. Thomas then hops in the car*

Warlock: Don’t trust anyone!

 

*Royce on the phone says he’ll handle it. He tells his secretary Dolores to get him stuff. Jaho walks up and seduces the secretary before we cut*

Warlock: Ruh roh.

 

*Thomas says Karen’s humor sucks. He then norices the van outside Royce’s office and immediately gets attacked. Thomas starts wiping out Icemen as Jaho walks into Royce’s office. He dispatches both of Royce’s guards and jump kicks a third guy. Jaho smaps Royce’s neck as Thomas fights his way up the stairs*

Warlock: Too late.

 

*Karen’s gun is kicked down the stairs as Thomas makes it to Royce’s office to wipe out more gang bangers. Royce is tossed out the window. Thomas and Karen jump out the window to escape the gang bangers as Gamal shows up. Gamal calls her a lying white bitch cop and pulls a gun on her and Thomas, thinking they killed Royce. Decklin shows up and arrests Gamal as Karen and Thomas point the finger at each other over who alerted Decklin*

Warlock: Please let the rat be Ray.

 

*Ray chuckles as Meisner suspends Karen for thirty days. Ray gives her shit and she calls her a pig*

Warlock: We still got 35 minutes left.

 

*Buntoro tells him he needs to dig deep in his two halves to make himself whole. The newscaster reports Royce was murdered by the Malito’s and Hector is the prime suspect. Thomas meets Karen at a bar who bitches about being suspended. Thomas says Decklin backed off as well. Ray shows up and gives Karen more shit before making racial taunts to Thomas*

Warlock: Please knock him out.

 

*Thomas calls Ray an amateur dart thrower. Thomas says he can throw 10 bullseye blindfolded and Karen bets 20 bucks he can do it. Thomas whispers something in Karen’s ear. Ray makes another racial taunt and Thomas makes him back up against the wall. Ray then throws 3 darts at Ray instead, one of them hitting his thigh. Karen gives him 20 dollars then 50 to Thomas because Thomas bet he’d make Ray piss himself, which he did*

Warlock: McMahon 3:16 says I just pissed my pants. Finally got his comeuppance.

 

*Ray runs off embarrassed as Thomas wants to take Karen’s car for a spin. Karen asks how he pulled off that trick and Thomas asks “What trick?”*

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Thomas and Karen share bonding moments and character development. His mother died when he was 12 so his Japanese father took him back to Japan. Buntoro taught him how to fight*

Warlock: Helps take off the run time.

 

*They share a kiss*

Warlock: About time.

 

*Jaho stalks the parakeet outside Buntoro’s*

Warlock: Ruh roh.

 

*Jaho walks in on Karen and Thomas while they sleep*

Warlock: Not exactly the Sandman….unless its the Metallica Sandman.

 

*Jaho steals Karen’s watch. Meanwhile Rita walks in and asks for Karen. Karen’s voice says she’s right there and Jaho walks in*

Warlock: Now he can disguise his voice too?

 

*Jaho stops Rita from stabbing him with a straight razor. All of a sudden Thomas wakes up with Karen kissing him. Thomas says to take the day off. Karen says men think they own women after sex, she says nobody owns her. Karen can’t find her watch and she’ll look for it, Thomas is to call Rita*

Warlock: I don’t think she’ll answer.

 

*Buntoro tells Thomas that Jaho was no dream and he holds up Rasputin’s cage, Rasputin is dead*

Warlock: Good thing Neyzor Blades didn’t see that.

 

*Thomas figures out Jaho has Karen’s watch. Karen searches Royce’s office and finds Rita dead on the couch. She covers her up as Ray walks in with a gun. Ray holds up the watch and Karen asks where he got it. Ray says it was in Rita’s hand where Karen left it. Steve walks in, puts black gloves on, picks up Karen’s gun and joins Ray. Steve says he’s sorry as Ray say they got a tip that Karen is the dirty cop behind it all. Thomas is on his way as two gunshots ring out. We cut back and Ray is dead, Steve killed him*

Warlock: Guess we know who the dirty cop is now.

 

*Steve says there are big money in guns and gangs kill each other off, everyone is happy. Jaho walk in and performs his magic on Karen as Thomas pulls up. Karen lays down and Jaho goes to for himself on her. They kiss as Thomas races up the stairs. Jaho has her hostage and Thomas says to let her go. Jaho taunts him and says there’s nothing he can do. Jaho applies the death touch to Karen and runs out with Steve. Jaho drives up as Meisner pulls up and Steve tells him Karen and Thomas are up there. Karen says the captain must be in on it too*

Warlock: Duh, why else would a chief or captain suspend someone for getting too close?

 

*Karen says they killed rita and Ray as Meisner makes it up the stairs as Karen and Thomas go dowstairs. Thomas brings her to Buntoro and he says he knows how but doesn’t have the gift, Thomas will have to save her. Buntoro shows Thomas how to heal Karen and he does*

Warlock: Great, now he’s got super powers too.

 

*Karen comes to 12 hours later and Karen says she has to stop the gang war. Hector walks in and asks if Karen is okay. Hector says the cops think she killed Rita and Ray, Hector knows better. Thomas says he’s sorry and Hector says he found the number Rita was given by Karen. Hector breaks down and says Rita was going to bear his son and he’s afraid of dying. Hector says the meeting is 3 hours from now. Hector says if Thomas can’t stop Yamata and Jaho from selling Gamal’s crew weapons, they’re going to have to get their own just to survive. Thomas calls Decklin and tells him to meet at the site*

Warlock: 13 minutes left, let’s finish this.

 

*Decklin and Thomas sneak around until Thomas is taken hostage by mercenaries. Decklin reveals he’s behind it, Steve was just a pawn. Decklin says his partners wanted Thomas personally. Jaho and Yamata walk in and stand side by side with Decklin. Jaho says he’s going to kill Thomas slowly and then Buntoro. Thomas then breaks free and starts kicking ass. Decklin caps one of the mercs by accident as Hector walks in and shoots another merc. The Malito’s run in and start attacking the mercs*

Warlock: A donnybrook, a melee, a pier sixer!

 

*Thomas and Jaho start dispatching guys left and right. Jaho goes to escape as Captain Meisner shows up and holds Decklin at gun point. Decklin ties to save face but Meisner reveals Karen’s suspension was a set up and they had Decklin and his crooked cronies under surveillance. All of the crooked cops have been arrested and Decklin is the only one left. Decklin tries to talk him out of it and Meisner drops him with the butt end of a shot gun. Meisner “I hate Feds”*

Warlock: Hahaha yes!

 

*Thomas Jaho into the street. He stops and goes to confront*

Warlock: The final battle.

 

*Thomas beats the living cap out of Jaho but Jaho tells hm to watch what he can do. Jaho uses cgi rapid fire kick to drop Thomas only for him to not sell it and smile at him. Jaho says he is apart of Thomas and Thomas says wrong and calls him a dead man. They trade heavy punches and kicks before Jaho uses his ninja power….but Thomas is ready for it. Thomas beats the crap out of Jaho as Yamata goes to shank him. Karen shoots Yamata dead just in time. Jaho is stunned to see Karen alive and Thomas says “He’s mine.” Thomas goes to strangle him but Karen talks him out of it*

Warlock: Idiot!

 

*Jaho goes to attack and Thomas hits him with the death touch. Thomas “There is nothing you can do.” Jaho bleeds out*

Warlock: If they wanted to make a sequel with Thomas turning heel, there ya go.

 

*Mesiner in luau clothes walks with two ladies and brags about himself. Karen says he’s looking good and walks away. Buntoro tells Thomas if he doesn’t dance with Karen, he will. Thomas says he’s never learned how to dance. Karen wants to teach him. Karen gives her father’s watch to Thomas and Thomas says he won’t forget her. Karen says they may bump into each other some day. They slow dance and we get the end credits to a sappy love song*

Warlock: Awwwww, isn’t that a sappy ending?

 

The Warlock’s Assessment: 6 out of 10: Cookie cutter yet has magic elements throwing it making it a fantasy martial arts movie rather than your normal action. If you can get past the hogwash elements you may be able to enjoy it. Great cast all around and recommended.

Final Grade: 6 out of 10 – Good

 

 

*Warlock rises from the recliner*

Warlock: As I rise from the chair, I give Red Sun Rising a thumb up. Its a good way to kill 95 minutes if there’s nothing else on. The cast makes it special so check it out when you can. That about wraps up another goodtastic adventure, have a pleasant evening.

227. Hawk’s Vengeance (1996)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket,  black t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a wine glass of Dr. Pepper*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock does a a 360 spinkick then enters the lair*

Warlock: Tonight I’m flying solo for the 1996 action drama Hawk’s Vengeance. Gary Daniels teams with a Chinese street gang to take down an ex-marine turned crime lord.

*Warlock takes his seat in the recliner*

Warlock: So let’s get started with Hawk’s Vengeance.

 

*The Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “When the Hawk strikes, he’s lethal!”

Warlock: Talk about fowl.

 

Directed by Marc F Voizard

Written by Jim Cirile and John Maxwell

 

*Opening credits has some dude being chased by Soldier Kelly (Pierre Gendron). The guy opens fire*

Warlock: Not wasting anytime, getting right to the chase scene.

 

*Soldier Kelly is shot down by someone on a ledge. A mobster walks out and tells the shooter to thank the Skinhead (Philippe Paquin) for assisting them. The shooters shoots Skinhead dead*

Warlock: “Nooooo that’s not what I meant!”

 

*The shooter is named Duquesne (Vlasta Vrana) and the mobster pays him for killing both of them*

Warlock: Guy’s named after a University.

 

*The mobster is named Blade (Charles Biddle Jr) and he and Duquesne enter a hidden entrance in the bar while the credits roll. Blade and Duquesne tell their Boss and his girlfriend that they got the job done. He says “Thank you, goodbye” and the hitmen walk out*

Warlock: That’s…it? No money? No pat on the back, no turn with the girlfriend? Lame.

 

*We cut to London, England where robbers are holding an old couple hostage. Suddenly a strike team led by Hawk (Gary Daniels) barges in and starts beating the shit out of the robbers. The robbers shoot the woman dead. Hawk wipes out the rest of the robbers and checks on the woman. She laughs and a buzzer goes off, Hawk pulls her up. This was a training demonstration and Hawk points out where they went wrong*

Warlock: Ohhhhh okay, I was about to say that was pretty shoddy to allow a hostage to get killed.

 

*Tango 1 (Cas Anvar) is disarmed by Hawk in the demonstration as Tango 3 (Patrick Kerton) looks on. Captain McKenzie (Noel Burton) comes in and vaguely mentions Hawk’s step-brother*

Warlock: Ruh roh!

 

*Hawk attends the funeral for his brother. Veronique (Stephanie Maillery) was seeing his brother. Another woman (Claudia Blondeau) walks up and says SHE’S been seeing his brother*

Warlock: This is gonna get awkward.

 

*Michael Durkee (Serge Houde) introduces himself to Hawk. Lizzie (Jayne Heitmeyer) was Soldier’s partner. Hawk asks Lizzie where she was during his murder. She says he was on suspension and he’s noutoriously on suspension. He asks what happened and she doesn’t know either. He was found dead in an alley in Chinatown. Hawk invites her out for coffee and she counters by going to a dive bar. Hawk’s face is priceless*

Warlock: Hahahaha.

 

*Lizzie says the Ba Wong gang (Houston Wong and Brian Paul Imperial) are under attack from the Death Skulls. Lizzie gets catcalled and she flips off the catcallers*

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Soldier hung one of the skinheads out of a 5 story window to get him to talk*

Warlock: That would be fun as hell.

 

*Seedy bar patrons flip off Hawk and Hawk walks over to them and says he’s gonna put them in the hospital if they don’t chill out. He orders them a round and walks back to Lizzie. The guys get up and leave*

Warlock: Wow, a peaceful ending instead of a bar clearing brawl.

 

*Hawk asks Lizzie if she’s married, she says she’s divorced. She would have gone for Soldier but he was too much of a playboy*

Warlock: What gave that away besides the 17 girlfriends at the funeral?

 

*The seedy bar patrons attack Hawk outside the bar and he wipes them out in short order*

Warlock: Wouldn’t the first guy have figured out that Hawk was for real after the spin kick?

 

*Hawk and Lizzie go their separate ways. Hawk says he’s gonna stay at his brother’s place until he sorts this mess out. Lizzie says not to interfere and Hawk asks her why she’d think that*

Warlock: Because she’s not a moron.

 

*Hawk looks at the picture collage on the wall as someone jumps out of the closet and attacks him with a frying pan. Hawk puts him in a fireman’s carry before slamming him over the bar*

Warlock: Guess the Ultimate Warrior taught him a few tricks in Firepower.

 

*Lizzie reports for duty the next day, Dr. Sattler (Arthur Holden) shows a corpse to Lizzie and her new partner who is squeamish. The corpse belongs to a Ba Wong member. Meanwhile back at Soldier’s apartment, Hawk asks the guy what he’s doing there. The dude says his name is Lipo (George Chiang) and he was his unofficial roomate. Lipo says his brother Liping (Winston Wong) was taken by the skinheads. Hawk unties him, introduces himself and pulls him up. Hawk says he’s lucky he didn’t pull kung fu moves on him. Lipo says he’s being racist that every Asian knows kung fu like Bruce Lee then makes a stereotypical noise*

Warlock: The funny part was Bruce Lee hated stereotypical Asian roles with the funny faces and accents.

 

*Hawk wants to be taken to Lipo’s leader Yoon (Russell Yuen). Lipo says “He’ll eat you alive, round eye!” Hawk tells him not to call him that and they share a laugh*

Warlock: At least they have sense of humor.

 

*Garr (Cass Magda) beats the crap out of his training partner. Blade gives him that week’s status report as Garr does his thing*

Warlock: If only Mr. America was here, he’d love the “attack to keep in shape” motif.

 

*Siegel (Johni Keyworth) is there to see Garr. Siegel controls the Southeast crime ring. Garr says they can’t screw up. Siegel is wheeled in by wheelchair. He says he’ll give him a million dollars for a business transaction but insults Garr by refusing to shake hands with him. Duquesne wheels him out. Garr tells Blade to get Clay (Sylvain Landry) on the horn for reinforcements*

Warlock: Something is afoot!

 

*Yoon and Lipo find Hawk in an alley. Hawk wants to know about the Death Skulls. Their M.O. is to stun their victims and do unspeakable things to them. Right on cue skinheads pull up, stun some dude and drive off with them. Hawk tells Yoon to hold off on a raid so people don’t get killed. Hawk then goes through Soldier’s personal armorment*

Warlock: This guy was prepared to rumble.

 

*Hawk packs for battle and asks Lipo where a costume shop is. He dresses in a Fire Inspector’s uniform and tells Lipo to stay in the car for 10 minutes*

Warlock: You were better off dressed as a biker.

 

*Hawk tells the bouncer (Andrew Campbell) to let him in or he calls the cops. He’s let in and he’s surrrounded by Death Skulls. Elwin shows Hawk where the smoke detector is. He pulls it apart as the gang leaves. Hawk installs a new one, lights up a cigar and goes to leave. Bouncer stops him and Hawk pulls out a box of cigars, their faces light up and he walks out. Lipo “I don’t fuckin believe it.” Hawk tells him to stand by. The Death Skulls all light up which causes the smoke detector to explode with green gas pouring out. Hawk and Lipo enter the lair with gas masks as everyone is out cold*

Warlock: BRILLIANT!

 

*Hawk says to Lipo that he put on the 10 minute timer just in case. Lipo spots the leader’s picture on the wall and Hawk says the band is playing that night. Hawk and Lipo split up to prepare as Duquesne throws another Ba Wong member into the holding cell. Liping protests and is shot by Duquesne. Later on, Clay and Bouncer report to Garr that Hawk tricked them. Clay says he must have been looking for Ba Wong. Garr pulls out a newspaper with Hawk’s picture on it and says he’s behind it*

Warlock: They had him pegged the whole time.

 

*Garr says not to panic. He instructs Blade and Duquesne to go get him. Blade and Duquesne insult each other and trade barbs. Blade wants to be professional as Duquesne says he knows his days are numbered so he wants to make enough money so he can retire to Costa Rica. He says in 3 years he’s gonna move there. Blade says he’s delusional*

Warlock: Believe it or not, these guys are more developed then the rest of these clowns, sans Hawk.

 

*Hawk walks into Soldier’s place and the two hitmen open fire. Hawk barely scrambles away before he knocks out Blade. Duquesne shoots at him and Hawk knocks him down too. Both try to attack and Hawk kicks both their asses. Duquesne throws the microwave at him and holds him but Blade cuts off Duquesne’s fingers by accident. Lipo pretends to be a cop to scare off Blade and Duequesne. Duquesne says they need to find his fingers because they have his prints on them*

Warlock: Hahahaha no shit.

 

*Hawk tells Lipo he’s going to Floyd’s. He wants Lipo to clean up the mess. Lipo yells at him as Hawk leaves*

Warlock: I dig the sound track at least.

 

 

*Clay, Bouncer and another skinhead corner Hawk. Hawk beats the shit out of random goon and Bouncer. He then wipes out Clay as 3 gangbangers try to strip Hawk’s car. He beats the shit out of them too as Lipo joins in with a mask on. Lipo and Hawk wipe them both out. Hawk says he thought he didn’t know Kung Fu, Lipo says he ASSUMED that he didn’t. Some rooster looking woman is stopped by another skinhead. Its Lizzie in disguise. Hawk and Lipo load Clay into the jeep and drive off as Bouncer comes too. Bouncer grabs all his buddies to chase after the jeep as Lizzie says “Damn you Hawk.” Hawk pulls over and tells Lipo to beat it because he works as a solo act. Lipo yells at him for dropping him off in the middle of nowhere*

Warlock: Yeah really, stop assuming he knows every street.

 

*Hawk has Clay all tied up. Hawk is going to torture him with napalm unless he talks. Clay refuses to talk so Hawk goes to leave. Clay calls him back over and Hawk asks why they’ve kidnapped the Ba Wong. Clay says Garr is behind it all. Garr is the crime boss of the area. Hawk asks what he wants with Ba Wong. Clay calls them every racial insult in the book. Hawk asks what happened to Soldier and if he doesn’t talk, he dies. Garr says he wanted Soldier dead because he was getting too close to Garr’s operation. He had Blade and Duquesne murder him. Hawk walks out and the napalm blows, taking out the whole building*

Warlock: Next on the menu, fried Clay.

 

*Blade asks Morelli (Pierre Lenoir) how they’re holding up numbers wise. Morelli says there’s still nothing from Siegal’s camp. Morelli asks for sleep and Blade subtlely threatens him, Morelli goes back to work. Meanwhile Lipo knows Garr and he’s a fighting master. Lipo is pleased Hawk wiped out Clay but Hawk asks where he can find Garr. Lipo says he’ll ask around as there’s a knock on the door*

Warlock” Its Blade and Duquesne, take cover!

 

*Lizzie walks in and demands answers as to why he was at the club. Lipo leaves them alone. Hawk denies involvement and bullshits her. She tells him to back off and he tells HER to back off because the cops of done nothing. Lizzie wants him to go with her and he asks her out to dinner. She says her dad warned her about dinner not meaning dinner at all*

Warlock: Smart man.

 

*Dr. Rebecca Palmer (Catherine Blythe) patches up Duquesne and says she couldn’t salvage the middle finer, she flips him off as Blade laughs. Garr storms in and says he wants to see Blade in his office at 4 pm. Duquesne “Your ass is grass bro hahahaha.” Garr then says “Duquesne, you too.” Blade eats the cheese he brought Duquesne. Duquesne “You fuckin Indian giver” Blade laughs*

Warlock: Ha, these are the best characters in the movie.

 

*Lipo calls Bouncer pretending to be Blade and says Clay was found alive. Meet at this location to get him. With the Ba Wong waiting, Bouncer’s crew walks into an ambush. Bouncer’s crew is wiped out as Hawk and Lipo says tomorow they’re going to storm Garr’s headquarters. Later on Garr laments to Duquesne about the skinheads turning on them. Duquesne says he’s going to turn Clay’s head into an ash tray. Garr scoffs*

Warlock: They have no idea.

 

*Garr says Duquesne and Blade better bring Hawk back alive. At the date, Hawk reveals why his name is Hawk to Lizzie. Hawk then gives their backstory of him and Soldier*

Warlock: A little late for character development but better late than never.

 

*Hawk kisses Lizzie and asks her to come back to his place, Lizzie says her place. Hawk says his place is still a mess. They get a hotel room instead and we get a pointless sex scene*

Warlock: Half hour left in the movie, saw this coming a mile away. This is no longer the worst movie of all time.

 

*Garr’s men confront Lipign’s imprisoned crew and take one of them much to Liping’s dismay. Dr Palmer cuts the dude open alive as Blade and Morelli watch. Pinkus (David Siscoe) is on package duty. Palmer cuts the dude’s heart out and gives the thumb’s up to Blade*

Warlock: Damn that was cool.

 

*Hawk watches the news that Clay was found dead. Hawk tries to turn the tv off but Lizzie keeps it on and its revealed Clay was killed by a professional. Lizzie slaps him across the face and calls him a lying piece of shit. Hawk says he can explain…but he can’t. Lizzie says she has to arrest him now. Hawk says Garr is behind the Ba Wong disappearances and the skinheads were the middle men. Lizzie says Garr is an ex-marine, did a tour in Manilla. He was charged in 1991 with a black market op and he resigned. Hawk is pissed and wants him himself, marine to marine. Lizzie says to back off or she will arrest him. Hawk says he’s more effective than she is, but wait till after he brings down Garr to arrest him*

Warlock: Who says she’s not on the payroll?

 

*Highway trooper (Derek Johnston) pulls over Morelli. Morelli asks if something’s wrong, Trooper says he was going to ask him the same thing since he’s going 25 in a 60 mmph highway*

Warlock: Hahahahahahaha

 

*Morelli says he’s just being careful. He’s asked about the cooler in the back and Morelli says nothing is in there. Trooper pulls the cooler out, opens it and find’;s the dude’s heart that Palmer cut out*

Warlock: Wouldn’t that be illegal search and seizure?

 

*Trooper pulls his gun and tells Morelli not to shoot. Meanwhile Hawk and Lipo get packed for battle and tells him not to kill anyone.  Hawk “ever think about joining the marines?” Lipo salutes “Fuck no sir!” Lipo and Hawk are then ambushed by Blade and Duquesne. They get stunned but Hawk recovers to fight them off. Blade accidentally cuts Duquesne’s ear off. Hawk gets the upper hand but Blade sprays him with mace. Blade and Duquesne take the duo hostage and take them to Dr. Palmer’s office. Palmer says they need tissue samples and it won’t hurt. Duquesne getting patched up tells her to make it hurt*

Warlock: This is making for an interesting ending.

 

*Back at the police station, Lizzie is informed about Morelli’s arrest. Back at the office, Garr says they can sell Lipo’s tissue for a million dollars. He tells her to prep him for surgery and he’s going to get Siegal. Hawk is thrown in the holding cell without Lipo. Liping is pissed that his brother is there. Liping says there’s no way out of there. Hawk still scopes the place. Lipo is prepped*

Warlock: Hawk you better hurry up.

 

*Hawk pulls a MacGuyver to make a makeshift thingamajig to help the escape. Blade makes fun of Duquesne in the bathroom, Lizzie starts storming Garr’s building*

Warlock: Heading toward the end. Nice A-Team tribute there.

 

*Hawk’s crew uses the makeshift shrapenel launcher to disarm the guard and escape. Lizzie starts capping Garr’s men as Lipo thinks its Hawk and starts taunting Palmer before he’s put under. Hawk’s crew loses a man but caps more Garr’s men. Liping, Yoon and Hawk press on as Blade and Duquesne are still in the bathroom. Hawk and Lizzie get the drop on each other but they drop their guns. Palmer is about to cut open Lipo when Lizzie kicks the door in and says freeze. Liping runs in and throws Palmer out of the way. He starts beating the shit out of Palmer as more goons run in. Hawk fights one of them one on one as Lizzie beats the shit out of Palmer’s male nurse. Palmer and Lizzie go one on one as Liping puts Lipo in a fireman’s carry and walks out. Hawk finally knocks out the random goon he’s fighting as Yoon wipes out his attacker. Lizzie uses the heart paddles to shock Palmer through a glass storage locker. Hawk drills a hole in the goon’s head as Liping, Lizzie and Hawk run out to where Lipo and Liping are. Finally Duquesne and Blade make it out of the bathroom. Duquesne wants Blade’s knife so he doesn’t acidentally stab him again*

Warlock: HAhaahahahahaha

 

*Blade aims for Hawk but misses and shoots Duquesne down. Hawk snaps Blade’s neck. Duquesne hands the Costa Rica flier to Hawk who says he should go there on his next vacation. He drops the flier on Duquesne who dies*

Warlock: Ok, that does it for the henchmen, time to end this.

 

*A chopper prepares to take off. Garr gets out and challenges Hawk to a one on one fight on the roof. Garr says “Its time” as Siegal is in the chopper. After a fight, Hawk gets the upperhand. Hawk spinkicks Garr into a whirling propeller, cutting his face off. Siegal’s chopper flies off as the cops arrive*

WarlockL That takes care of handsome Harold.

 

*Lipo and Liping congratulate Hawk for kicking ass. Lizzie asks what now, Hawk says the town has a lot of possibilities. Durkee walks in and says he’s putting Lizzie up for a commendation. Lizzie suggests to Durkee to get him a job. Durkee walks off flustered as Hawk and Lizzie share a laugh. Hawk gives the peace sign, end credits*

Warlock: Yes because a marine can be hired as a police officer in a different country no problem.

 

The Warlock’s Assessment: I actually liked this one. I give it a 6 out of 10. We actually had character development which made the kill scenes mean more. The action was pretty good so its worth a look.

Final Grade: 6 out of 10 – Good

 

*Warlock rises from the recliner*

Warlock: Of all the cookie cutter 90’s action b movies, this was one of the better ones. Character developmemt goes a long way and it makes movies more enjoyable. That about wraps up another goodtastic adventure, have a pleasant evening.

226. Firepower (1993)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, ULTIMATE WARRIOR t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a glass mug of pepsi*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock levitates before walking into the lair*

Warlock: Tonight is a solo project but for the first time, I’m disappointed that neither Thug D, Neyzor Blades or Mr. America is with me. Tonight is FIREPOWER…the 1993 action/fighting movie starring Gary Daniels and none other than THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!

*The Ultimate Warrior theme plays briefly as Warlock pumps his fist and runs around the room, somehow not spilling his drink. He then settles into the recliner*

Warlock: So let’s get this party started with Firepower.

 

Directed by Richard Pepin

Written by Michael January

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “You can enter the Hell Zone but you can never leave it.”

Warlock: Ah lovely, Escape From New York in 2007.

 

*Opening credits*

Warlock: Gary Daniels in the house.

 

*Its the year 2007, a newscaster says AIDS are making a comeback*

Warlock: Imagined if they were eradicated in 2002 like in the movie.

 

*Darren Braniff (Chad McQueen) and Nick Sledge (Gary Daniels) watch the news. Darren says “No glove, no love.”

Warlock: I gotta write that one down.

 

*Bill Russel ((Peter Gonneau) says police services were not provided in 1999 in the Hell Zone. In the 7 years since, the Hell Zone has turned into crime central*

Warlock: So Hell Zone is pretty much New York from Escape From New York? Lovely.

 

*Bill Russel says people need to clean up Hell Zone. Darren asks who’s going to clean it up. Nick says to drop a bomb on it*

Warlock: I gotta agree with Nick on that one.

 

*Nick and Darren are called into action. Mendez (Pablo Marz) is behind the crimes, Nick and Darren are on their way. The gang bangers car along with a cruiser flips over and explodes*

Warlock: Great, more exploding cars for no reason.

 

*The gang bangers are gunned down as Darren uses a “Smart” bullet. Another gang banger is arrested*

Warlock: Bad boys bad boys, watcha gonna do.

 

*Boone (Vanessa Hampton) complains that gas is up to 30 dollars a gallon*

Warlock: We’re headed that way.

 

*Darren and Nick bring in Mendez. The booking officer (Dennis Garber) tells them to uncuff him. Mendez record is processed as Darren brings up the charges. Nick says he resisted arrest. Mendez insults everyone and the booking officer says he’s resisting again so Nick bangs Mendez’ head against the desk*

Warlock: Hahahahaha

 

*Booking officer says Nick needs a hair cut. Boone gets in some g rated flirting with Nick as Darren playfully pushes him away.  Mendez is tossed in a cell as Nick tells him to have fun. Mendez calls him a dead man and Nick punches him*

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Captain Croy (George Murdock) tells Nick to get a haircut. Darren says his kid needs an evaluation and needs time off to help.  Croy says to check with scheduling. The booker says the cops captured The Swordsman (Jim Hellwig) and they’re rbinging him in*

Warlock: ITS THE ULLLLLLLLLLLTIMATE….WARRIORRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!

 

*Swordsman is brought in to book. Croy says they’ll need a security transport for him. His criminal recorded is as long as his arm and he starts fighting off the cops. Swordsman beats the crap out of the cops that arrested him. Swordsman hits a headbutt then slams the dude’s head into the desk. He’s eventually tazed and brought to a holding cell*

Warlock: Ultimate Warrior gets counted out.

 

*Mendez calls Swordsman “boss”*

Warlock: Heh, gang bangers take orders from the Ultimate Warrior, I love it.

 

*Swordsman’s gang plows through the police barrier to bail him out. He sits quietly as the gang bangers storm the station. Booking officer takes one out but is shot and killed. Nick takes out another gang banger. The gang enters the holding cell, Swordsman “Get me out of here….now!!!” Mendez is left behind*

Warlock: He’s nothing.

 

*Boone is shot and killed as Nick takes out the stragglers. Croy tells them to wait for backup but Darren and Nick take off in hot persuit of Swordsman’s gang*

Warlock: Ultimate Warrior as a heel for the first time since his Bladerunner days.

 

*Nick and Darren pursue the bus containing Swordsma’s crew. The bus shoots the police chopper out of the sky. Nick is blown off his bike but Darren picks him up, Nick says he’s going after them*

Warlock: And now we get to the Escape From New York portion of the movie.

 

*Nick and Darren enter Hell Zone and a male hooker (Stephen J McCarthy) say the suspect is in the club*

Warlock: Wish that was Adrian Street haha.

 

*The ring announcer (Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs) says to place their bets. Nick and Darren enter a club for tournament fighting. The Viper  (Art Camacho) prepares for battle. Drexal (Joseph Ruskin) is informed there are cops in the building with Swordsman behind him. Drexal says they’re free to enter…if they can play. Meanwhile Lisa (Alisha Des) tells them that she’s just a betting girl. A gangbanger and his buddy shoot Darren and Nick shoots them both dead. Darren is wearing armor so hes ok*

Warlock: What a narrow escape.

 

*Nick and Darren start cleaning out the bar looking for Swordsman. The crowd laughs at them. Nick says they don’t get any respect. Various strippers surround the duo and they walk off*

Warlock: They’re on duty.

 

*Announcer says Viper is against Mauler. Viper beats the shit out of him. Nick bets on Viper and calls them bozos*

Warlock: Hah.

 

*Viper and Mauler then use weapons and once again Viper wins. The bouncer (Nils Allen Stewart) tells Darren and Nick to pay to play*

Warlock: Nils looks like Kano from Mortal Kombat.

 

*Nick and Darren say the are on duty and leave. They go back to Croy and ask what the green vial is. Croy thinks its an AIDS vaccine. Nick and Darren want to go undercover to bust Drexal’s drug labs and vaccine hoarding.  Croy says if they get themselves killed, nobody is going to care but the union. Croy sends them off. Darren listens to the newscaster (Taylor Leigh) where another Hell Zone was raided but was a failure. Darren’s wife Sue (Kimberly Cockrell) yells at him for taking the dangerous mission. Darren yells back and Sue storms off after asking if he’ll be there for the evaluation. He says he can’t. Back in Hell Zone a death match between Swordsman and Professor Tanabe (Gerald Okamura). Swordsman beats the shit out of him*

Warlock: Wow.

 

*Professor rakes the eyes as the swords are distributed. They sword fight a bit before Swordsman wins by stabbing him to death*

Warlock: HERE IS YOUR WINNER…THE ULLLLLLLLLTIMATE…WARRIORRRRRRRR!!!!!

 

*Darren and Nick walk in to the lockerrom as the new Lethal Combat fighters. They get their own lockers. Chief Handler (Michael Gregory) says drinks are on the house and not to get too friendly with other fighters because they may fight one another. Swordsman walks in and laughs at Darren and Nick*

Warlock: “You guys are no Ho Kogan!”

 

*Nick wants to be called The Hammer, Darren is The Alley Cat*

Warlock: Greg Valentine is gonna be pissed.

 

*Darren hobnobs with Viper who says to check his next fight out. Viper faces Dr. Death in a non lethal match*

Warlock: In other words, nobody gets killed.

 

*Nick asks Darren if anyone will be likely to talk….if they survive*

Warlock: Well if they don’t survive, no one will talk.

 

*Viper wins the fight using nunchucks. Nick is up next as Viper grabs a towel, Darren congratulates Viper. Viper says a couple more wins will get him some real money. Viper’s real name is Joey. Darren playfully insults him and Nick counters that Darren may learn something. Nick is introduced as The Hammer and he does a split*

Warlock: Right out of Ring of Fire.

 

*Viper beats the crap out of his opponent as Drexal controls the weapons for the lethal portion. Viper refuses to use a weapon and still takes out his opponent with hand to hand tactics. Viper watches intently*

Warlock: Here is your winner…Gary Daniels!

 

*Nick celebrates in the back as Darren is up next. Darren must fight Stomper*

Warlock: Archie “The Stomper” Goulding would have been awesome right now.

 

*Stomper beats up Darren so Drexal sends him a shield. Darren knocks him out with the shield*

Warlock: Not bad, could be better.

 

*At the bar, Viper tells Darren and Nick that he’s just trying to feed his family.  Darren puts the moves on Lisa after Viper tells her she’s Drexal’s girl. She calls them neanderthals and leaves. They yuk it up as Viper leaves. Nick wants to question Lisa but also wants to check out Drexal’s palace. Darren goes to Lisa and she says she’s not interested in fighters because her last boyfriend died in a fight. Drexal comes over and tells Lisa to go do her job. Swordsman stands behind him as Drexal says to stay away from Lisa. Darren says sure*

Warlock: I hate jealous boyfriends.

 

*Darren plays Super Nintendo with his son and Sue still bitches at him*

Warlock: I loev how its supposed to be 2007 and he’s playing Super Nintendo. In real life XBox, Wii and the PS3 were the popular systems in 07. Little did anyone know in 1993.

 

*Sue tells Darren she can’t take it. She continues to berate him, steals the kid and leaves*

Warlock: What a bitch.

 

*Next day Nick and Darren catch the fights before Darren catches Lisa outside. Lisa has a black eye and Darren figures out Drexal did it. They share bonding moments as Darren says he’s got a son at home and a wife who doesn’t like what he does. He doesn’t want anything from Lisa but he gets a little nosey sometimes. He tells her to leave Hell Zone if she doesn’t like it before he leaves*

Warlock: This romance isn’t over yet.

 

*Nick says Swordsman is in tight with Drexal so there’s a connection with Swordsman’s gang. Meanwhile Handler pulls Darren aside and respectfully tells him to stay away from Lisa. Darren says he went out for smoke, Handler says that’s not healthy either. Darren then wins his next fight, barely*

Warlock: Love how they’re establishing him as the never say die babyface and Nick as the unstoppable ass kicker.

 

*Viper congratulates Darren. Nick then fights The Maniac and wins*

Warlock: This is turning into Bloodsport, forget Escape From New York.

 

*Darren and Viper talk more. Viper says something’s wrong with Darren and Nick, they’re not like the other fighters. Viper tells him he saw Drexal and Swordsman talking but is cut off by Handler saying he’s bumped up to the main event. Viper is excited because he wants the money. Viper is slated to face The Rocker*

Warlock: Which one, Shawn Michaels or Marty Jannetty?

 

*Rocker and Viper go back and forth before Viper gets the upperhand. Viper his denied his weapon as Rocker gets a scyth that he promptly buries in Viper’s back, killing him*

Warlock: Rocker wins…flawless victory.

 

*Darren and Nick are distraught at the bar. Lisa walks up and is nonchalant about it. Darren says Drexal was behind it. Darren says Viper was going to talk about a vaccine and she leaves. Nick says Darren may have blown their cover. Darren talks with Handler who says he’s not in it for the money, he lives there. Back at the station Darren says they have Lisa as a cover and Croy wants to take them off the case. Darren and Nick want to fight Lethal so they can crack the case, Croy finally relents. “Get some sleep, you both look like a piece of fried shit!”

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Mendez is supposed to be transferred to a high security prison but Swordsman’s gang springs him out*

Warlock: Great, now Mendez is gonna blow their cover.

 

*Mendez gets Darren’s home address, meanwhile back in Hell Zone. Lisa knows Darren is a cop and wants to help him*

Warlock: Oh shit…..

 

*Lisa tells Darren that Drexal is making the vaccine in an abandoned factory. She wants Drexal dead and Darren says he’ll get him. She kisses his cheek*

Warlock: He may have to marry her if Mendez is after Darren’s family.

 

*Sue sent their son Billy to be with his grandmother as Mendez enters Sue’s residence. Mendez shoots her dead*

Warlock: Darren is gonna be PISSED.

 

*2 random guys fight as Nick does a split in the back*

Warlock: Hooray, we got two guys that don’t fucking matter.

 

*Mendez reports to Drexal and spots Nick on the monitor, squealing that he’s a cop. Nick is scheduled to face The Stomper but Drexal changes it to a deathmatch between Nick and Swordsman*

Warlock: The big one on one fight comes 18 minutes early.

 

*Swordsman gets the early advantage in the fight but Nick fights back. Nick ducks under a clothesline and kicks Swordsman in the back. Swordsman then delivers a knee to the head.  Nick nips up and starts kicking away but Swordsman barely sells any of it. Drexal unlocks the sword for Swordsman and Nick does his best to fight back hand to hand. They trade right hands before Drexal says to end it. He instructs is computer geek to electrify the cage the fighters are in. Swordsman pushes Nick into the cage and it shocks him down.  Swordsman yells and reaches for his sword*

Warlock: Calling upon the power of the Warriorsssssssss

 

*Swordsman cuts Nick’s head off as Darren gets his gun. He starts shooting random goons as Handler tells him to get out of there*

Warlock: Wow, they actually killed off the main character, I’m stunned.

 

*Drexal watches security footage of Lisa kissing Darren and Drexal says to move it. Darren goes home to find his wife dead*

Warlock: Loses his partner and his wife on the same day, he is not having a good week.

 

*Croy asks what he can do for Darren. Darren says he’s going after Drexal and nobody is going to stop him. If he wants his badge, that’s how its going to be. Croy doesn’t want the badge, he wants Darren alive. Darren “Let me take care of that.”

Warlock: He’s gonna have to wipe out everybody by himself.

 

*Darren in full police uniform stops the arena after wiping out two guards. Drexal leaves a pre-recorded message that he’s got Lisa hostage. Mendez on the tape says “Hey officer Branniff” and the real Mendez in the cage says “Goodbye” and blows Darren away with a a shotgun*

Warlock: Alright, movie’s over.

 

*Mendez checks on Darren who’s armor saved him and he shoots Mendez dead. “You wish you asshole.”

Warlock: Weak dialogue.

 

*Darren storms the phony vaccine drug lab and silently kills one guard then another. Darren then opens fire on the guards as the scientists run for cover. Darren runs into Drexal’s office where he’s got Lisa at gunpoint. Darren says to let her go. Drexal tells Darren to drop the gun. Darren drops it as Swordsman appears behind him. Drexal says a deathmatch between Darren and Swordsman will decide the fate of Lisa*

Warlock: I will say that was awesome booking going into this. Nick was clearly the better fighter over Darren and if he couldn’t beat Swordsman, how the hell can Darren win?

 

*Swordsman puts the sword down to fight hand to hand. Swordsman beats the crap out of Darren with Darren trying to fight back. Darren grabs a piece of pipe but Swordsman throws him off*

Warlock: You’re going to have to outsmart him.

 

*They trade right hands as Swordsman gorilla press slams Nick down*

Warlock: Now its time for the big splash….oh wait…its a movie.

*Nick stands in front of the electric fuse box and Swordsman goes for the kill shot, but Nick moves and Swordsman electrocutes himself by stabbing the fuse box*

Warlock: Ultimate Warrior jobs to Darren, couldn’t put over the Macho Man but he’ll put Darren over.

 

*Drexal says Lisa is dead anyway and in one sudden move, Darren pulls the sword out of the wall and flings it, hitting Drexal dead center in the chest and impaling him*

Warlock: Oh come on…..not only would he have electrocuted himself, there’s no way that throw from that distance would have been that accurate.

 

*Darren pulls the sword out and Drexal falls 20 feet through a window to his death. Lisa cuddles with Darren. End credits*

Warlock: Kind of a weak ending but no matter, the bad guys got theirs.

 

The Warlock’s Assessment: Normally I’d give this a 4.5 for being cookie cutter but there were a few surprises that made me up the score. They had the balls to kill off Gary Daniels so there’s a .5 to bring it to 5. The fact they showcased the Ultimate Warrior for that long and he did his job gives this another .5. It was pretty much a cookie cutter B movie from the 90’s but the Warrior made it worth taking a look.

Final Grade: 5.5 out of 10 – Above Average.

 

*Warlock rises from the recliner*

Warlock: Ultimate Warrior was a character that we’ll never see again and it hasn’t been the same since he’s been gone. Still, seeing him again was nice and the movie itself wasn’t all bad. Its worth taking a look if you’re an action fan or a wrestling fan. That about wraps up another above average adventure….have a pleasant evening.

*Warlock runs around the room as the Ultimate Warrior theme plays and out of the lair*