10. XHDRbZ (2002)

xhdrbz

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, black gargoyle shades, black t-shirt, blue jeans and white sneakers. He’s holding a glass bottle of Pepsi*

The Warlock: Welcome to my lair…..welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*He flicks his wrist and flame shoots out of his palm. Enters lair*

The Warlock: With me are our two special guests, Neyzor Blades….

*Neyzor Blades is sitting on the right side of the couch, she’s wearing black lipstick, black eyeliner, black dress, black fishnets and black leather boots. She sticks her tongue out and laughs evilly*

The Warlock: And Lady T…

*Lady T is 5’1 tall, 130 pounds and is wearing a red satin dress, black dress shoes and is sitting in the recliner*

Lady T: HELLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Warlock: Thanks for blowing out my eardrums. Anyway, today’s viewing is XHDRbZ, a Spanish channel comedy from 2002. No idea how this is going to turn out but without further delay, its time for XHDRbZ.

*Lady T reads the subtitles*

The Warlock: Alright alright I didn’t ask for a running commentary.

*A midget appears on screen*

The Warlock: Neyz don’t touch that midget, you don’t know where its been!

Neyz sings: “BUENOS NOCHESSSSSS”

Lady T: ALFREDDDD!!!!

*Opening montage*

Lady T: This guy is a whackoff!

*Lady T reads the subtitles again*

The Warlock: Alright Dr. Onigeggitygeggitybaba!

*Guy in beighe suit and pink tie appears on screen*

The Warlock: That suit makes Ricky Martin cry.

*Guy in police uniform appears*

The Warlock: Inspector Gageto

*El Profe Tizo appears with an owl*

Neyz: Hey look its you, Warlock

The Warlock:…..Hardly

*What’s up, I’m the Mad Monk”

Nez: Ewwww he looks like a fish!

*Clip of Shrek shown*

The Warlock: Undle burro, undle!

*Loud smack sound*

The Warlock: Someone just smacked your ass T

Lady: Thank you sir may I have another!

*Man: What is the Capital city of Honduras?”

The Warlock: NICARGUA…AGUA!!!!

*A man speaking Spanish while dressed as a German*

The Warlock: I need to speak French while wearing a turban.

*Suddenly Lady T turns the tv off*

Lady T:  I can’t handle it!

The Warlock: Why not?

Lady T: Its in Spanish!

The Warlock: Didn’t you already know that?

Lady T: No, I thought we were watching Scooby Doo.

*The Warlock facepalms, flicks his wrist, tv goes back on*

*5 minutes later*

Lady T: I just snafued my underpantalonies

The Warlock: Really did not need to hear that.

*Warlock looks confused*

The Warlock: Um, there’s a turtle with a derby hat on.

Neyz: This is bothering my foot.

*Man speaks Spanish*

Neyz: Is this cool or is it dumb?

The Warlock: TELEMUNDO!!!!

*5 minutes later*

The Warlock: This makes me want to sing Cancion Del Mariachi

Neyz: NOBODY wants to hear you sing!

*Lady T takes a sip of wine*

Lady T: All’s well that ends well

The Warlock: Is it finally over?

Neyz: 5 minutes left

Warlock and T: Noooooooooooooooo

*randomly*

The Warlock: PELIGROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lady T: I gotta fart

Neyz: Will you two STAAAAAAAAP it???

*The credits roll*

Warlock and T: WE MADE IT!

Neyz: So I take it you didn’t like it?

Warlock: I could have turned on Telemundo to see this.

T: I guess it was funny but it was in Spanish.

Neyz: You don’t like espagnol?

Warlock: Espagnol? EsBUNGHOLE!!

T: Yes! TP for my bunghole!

Neyz: Will you stop!!!??? I’m gonna have you two taken out of here!

Warlock: Its my lair, can’t throw me out.

*The Warlock flicks his wrist and the tv turns off*

Lady T: Fruit salad….its yummy yummy!

Neyz assessment: Bueno

T’s assessment: Cagar!

Warlock’s assessment: Pendelo!

*Warlock rises from the couch*

The Warlock: Well that about wraps up XHDRbZ, guess we’re not sober enough to enjoy it.
*T sips her wine glass*

Lady T: Speak for yourself there buckaroo!

The Warlock: Have a pleasant evening.

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