*Neyzor Blades walks into The Lair holding a bag of groceries. The Warlock is rubbing his hands and wearing a Rocko’s Modern Life t-shirt. He grabs the groceries out of her hand*
W: Ah, dinner is going to be just as epic as this movie.
*Warlock drops the bags on the counter*
N: Oh hell no, I’m not watching another movie with you for at least a week. Not after yesterday’s Everglades Disaster as you would say.
W: Oh yes you are because its going to be something you want to see.
N: There’s nothing YOU can bribe me with that will make me watch something with you.
W: Uh, how about going back to the past?
N: To play the shitty games that suck ass? No thanks.
W: No, not that. How about we go back to the 90’s?
N: Why the hell would we want to do that?
W: Because Rocko’s Modern Life is back.
N:…..what?
W: Oh yes, Joe Murray brought back Rocko. There’s a special on Netflix.
*Warlock goes to sit down*
N: WHAT? YOU’RE KIDDING!!
W: Well, you’re not interested so…
*Neyz shoves Warlock backwards*
N: Out of the way.
*Warlock falls head over heels over the couch as Neyz frantically scrolls through Netflix where lo and behold, ROCKO’S MODERN LIFE: STATIC CLING is available.
N: You weren’t kidding! We’re watching it.
*Warlock gets up*
W: Tonight’s a special night as us 90’s kids get out relive our childhoods a little. Joe Murray’s Rocko’s Modern Life cartoon lasted 3 seasons from 1994-1996. With the TV channel Teen Nick showing old 90’s cartoons after midnight, a lot of us have been reliving our childhood that way. Murray decided to get the old gang back together for a 45 minute special we’re about to see. So without further adieu its time to kick back, relax and check out ROCKO’S MODERN LIFE: STATIC CLING.
Written by Joe Murray, Doug Lawrence, Martin Olson, Dan Becker, Cosmo Segurson, Tom Smith
Directed by Joe Murray and Cosmo Serguson
Cast:
Rocko/Spunky/Leon/The Foot/Mitch/Bun Master (Carlos Alazraqui)
Heffer/Shuck/Really Really Big Man/Papa Elf/Newscaster/Captain Compost Heap/Salesman/Winds of Change/Tom/Tree (Tom Kenny)
Ed Bighead/Bev Bighead/Mr. Dupette/Grandpa Wolfe/Mr. Fathead/Mrs. Fathead/Dead Napoleon (Charlie Adler)
Filburt/Maitre’D/Martian 1/Doug/Hopping Hessian/Doodleberg/Lizard
Nosey/Rabbit Mama/Schlam-O Girl/Teacher/Elephant Lady (Jill Talley)
Dr. Hutchinson/Aunt Gretchen/Female Giraffe (Linda Wallem)
Nineman/Construction Worker/Cowboy/Ox/Worm B (Steve Little)
Ralph Bighead/Rachel Bighead (Joe Murray)
Pillow Salesman/Martian 2/ VHS Tape/Injured Worm/TV Announcer/Russian Hockey Player (Cosmo Segurson)
Really Really Big Man – Movie/VCR (Tom Smith)
Rabbit Dad (Ralph Becker)
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
W: “After being in space for 20 years, Rocko and his friends attempt to adjust to an even more modern life in the 21st century. However when he learns that his favorite 90’s cartoon isn’t on the air anymore, Rocko tries locating its creator”
N: Welcome Home.
W: Remember that episode where Rocko and Heffer are sent to space for 30 years? I guess that was the inspiration for this script.
*Opening has the B-52’s theme*
W: Least it had some remnants of the song.
*20 years ago Rocko’s house is shot into space. A lot of household items are space debris*
N: Look! The juicer from that one episode.
W: Ha, GI Jimbo. GI JIMBO SAVES THE DAY AGAIN!
*Star Wars style intro is ruined by the rocket house blasting through it. Really Really Big Man says they had no clean underwear for 20 years. RRBM says we need to use his nipples to see the future. Heffer sings to annoy Filburt*
N: They can’t do this with any other cast.
W: They could, but it wouldn’t be as epic. It genuinely feels like 1996 again.
*Rocko sings in the shower*
W: At least its the original cast.
*Spunky chases the green sponge thing*
W: Remember that thing?
*Rocko watches an old VHS of The Fatheads. Filburt says he’s been watching this 1,000 times but still isn’t tired of it*
W: That’s the Bighead’s voice.
*Morning breath*
N: That’s you.
W: Shaddup.
*Rocko says this is favorite show*
N: He’s us.
*Filburt yells at Heffer because he’s been sitting on the remote to get them home for 20 years. They insult each other and Rocko yells at them to hit the button. Thy hit it and cruise back to E#arth where Bev Bighead suntan and Captain Compost Heap sings*
W: Not the recycle song…
N: R-E-C-Y-C-L-E RECYCLEEEEEE
W: Don’t you start….
*The trio run around 2019 O-Town with the old Rocko theme playing. Buzzbucks is on every corner, the newest phone has people stampeding over Rocko. Radioactive tacos has Filburt chasing Rocko. Rocko is chased to his house “The 21st century is a very dangerous century.”
W: Classic.
*Bev Bighead says it hasn’t been the same since hes been gone for 20 years. Rocko waches TV and Buttmaster is shown*
W: AND A ONE, AND A TWO, AND A ONE, AND A TWO
*Bev says The Fatheads have been off the air for years, not even reruns are shown anymore. Rocko goes nuts*
W: That’s me when Beavis and Butthead went off the air.
*Ed Bighead runs around Conglomo and leaves for lunch, singing to himself as Conglomo goes out of business*
W: Its the same actor, but he sounds different.
*Ed gets out of his car and shoves an old lady across the street so he can drive*
W: HAHAHAHAHA!!!!
*Ed whacks a bird with a flyswatter*
W: Hahahaha
*Ed comes home to Bev who has a surprise for him. Nosey barges in and says Conglomo is out of business, Mr. Dupette says he’s fired and his house is being demolished. Rocko knocks on the door and Ed completely freaks out*
W: THAT’S the face I was looking for.
*Bev says Rocko’s been invited over for lunch. Rocko says he wants to watch The Fatheads ad Ed flashes back to Ralph leaving to find himself years earlier. Rocko asks Ed to bring Ralph back and shakes his head around*
W and N: Hahahaha.
*Rocko gives Ed a pep talk and Ed says Ralph can make a new Fatheads to save Conglomo and O’Town. Ed and Rocko team up to find Ralph*
N: This is a caricature of old people because they don’t know today’s technology and all their favorite shows are off air too.
W: Newsflash, that’s us. All OUR favorite shows are off the air. Somehow we became The Bigheads.
*Ed and Rocko run over the ghost of Grandpa Wolfe. Heffer, Dr. Hutchinson and Filburt are outside. Filburt and Hutch have to look after Heffer and Grandpa Wolfe. Ed and Rocko visit Mr. Dupette and Rocko says they need to bring back The Fatheads. Dupette says they don’t need Ralph, they can use computers. Leon and his brother fart around with the computers. Rocko pulls Ed aside and says without Ralph, this will flop. Nosey shows up out of nowhere and interviews a scared Rocko*
N: What are they talking about?
W: The chameleons are going to write the show and Rocko knows that without Ralph, the show is going to shit the bed.
*O’Town says Rocko is their new savior. Rocko screams he just wants his show back*
N: I know how you feel Rocko.
*Filburt is doing a vlog about finding Ralph*
W: This is surreal.
*Bev tells Rocko that Ralph has been around the world and Bev says to bring back her little tadpole. Heffer farts and loses the rocket. Filburt, Heffer and Rocko take a drone to find Ralph and runs into Papa Elf and the Sad Crying Clown In An Iron Lung*
W: HAHAHAHA THE SAD CRYING CLOWN IN AN IRON LUNG!
N: I need love.
*Rocko, Heffer and Filburt fall into culturally ambigual pillows*
N: Heh.
*Leon and his brother work the worms in front of Ed. Filburt says he’s nauseous. Ralph is driving an ice cream truck. Rocko is excited*
N: Hah, Fathead pops.
*Rocko begs Ralph to bring back The Fatheads but he refuses. Ralph says he’s not about cartoons anymore an tells Rocko to get lost. Rocko says his parents will lose their house and Ralph flashes back. He says he’ll do it for his parents but he’s changed*
N: He’s transgender.
*Ralph is now Rachel Bighead*
N: I KNEW IT….
W: Really?
N: Is this supposed to be geared toward kids or us.
W: Us….but did they have to do the transgender thing?
N: It does have to do with the special’s premise that things have changed.
W: True\.
*CGI Fatheads fight. Dupette says this stinks and throws the worms out the window*
W: Hahaha
*Leon and his brother run away as Dupette growls at Ed. Rachel, Rocko, Filburt and Heffer return. Ed sees Rachel and freaks out as Dupette goes on vacation. Rachel says she’s finally happy and Ed says “Noooo” Rachel “Yesssss” Ed “I HAVE NO DAUGHTERRR. No son, no show! I QUIT!”
W: He speaks for everyone over 40.
*Ed storms out and tells Rocko to go back to the 90’s where he belongs. Nosey asks Rocko how it feels to singlehandedly ruin the town. Rachel leaves and Rocko is sad. Bev says she loves how Rachel changed and found shoes in her size. Ed says he’s suffering from TMC, too much change. Meanwhile Fillburt and Heffer are having the time of their lives taking selfies and going viral*
N: This is so sad because this is our reality now.
W: Joe Murray knows it.
*Rachel looks at a picture of her parents and makes a new Fatheads cartoon. Meanwhile Ed is on the roof of his demolished house and Rocko joins him. Rocko says he can live without his job and house but not without Rachel. The winds of change shows up and tells Ed to go with the winds of change. Ed “Listen Mr. Blowhard!”
W: Hahahahahhahaha!!!
*Rocko says he doesn’t like change either. Wind gets a phone call with the original Rocko theme as a ringtone*
W: Ha, nice touch.
*Fillburt and Heffer are at a party because Rachel’s special is about to air. Fillburt and Heffer fight over their phone as crazy Aunt Gretchen is electrocuted. Rocko wants Ed to come with him and he kidnaps Ed. He requests Winds to blow them to the party. Winds farts Rocko and Ed to the party*
N: Hahahahaa
*Heffer “You brought potatoes?” Rocko “No, its Ed Bighead” Ed “Unhand meeee”
W: Ha.
*The Fatheads special starts, Fillburt and Rocko laugh until a baby fathead is introduced. Rocko is sad they changed it but everyone else laughs*
N: This makes me sad that this is so relateable.
*Rachel’s script is based off the real relationship she had with Ed. The Bigheads all hug as everyone celebrates but Rocko. Rocko goes on a rampage saying this is too much change. Ed say they can’t live in the past, they can embrace it but if they don’t move on, they miss out on the future. Rocko says “Okay.” The rocket plows through Conglomo and money rains down. The beaver EMT’s go “hup hup hup hup”
W: They had to cram everything the show ever did into 45 minutes. I’m waiting for Gladys the Hippo Lady to pound Rocko.
*The Bigheads say goodbye to Rocko. Bev says a long Fatheads pop looks like Ed first thing in the morning. Ed says he resembles that comment*
W: Wow, they just made a dick joke, I love it.
*Fillburt reunites with his kids and Hutch. Heffer says he loves Grandpa Wolfe and Grandpa says he smells like sweaty eggs*
W: Hahahaha
*Nosey says this is an exciting ending. She says Really Really Big Man is responsible for all of this and cuts to live shot of a real Badger*
N: Awwww
*Movie ends with Mr Dupette singing and the old Rocko outro theme*
N: Bravo *claps*
W: That was awesome.
Neyzor Blades Assessment: They did a really good job, I can’t put a number on it. I like that their message was talking about too much change and kept it authentic. They poked fun at today’s society but also says we can’t stay in the past.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 9 out of 10. I agree and its scary how the old days were better but we can’t dwell on them. Still, for 45 minutes I was a kid again and that’s good enough for me.
Final Grade: 9 out of 10 – Awesome
*Warlock rises from the couch*
W: Where do I begin with this one. All I know is Joe Murray was able to capture the very real discord between 30 year olds and today’s generation. A lot of us clamor for the old days but they simply don’t exist anymore. Rocko and Ed Bighead suffering from “Too much change” encapsulates us, the viewers. We’re the ones who got old, we’re the ones who loved the 90’s cartoons but a generation passed us by. Heffer and Fillburt going apeshit with 2019 technology was surreal because that’s the way the world is. Joe Murray’s message that we can embrace the past but have to move forward should be taken seriously. As much as we’d love new episodes of our favorite cartoons, it won’t ever be the same. The Ralph to Rachel curveball put over the point for us the same way the baby Fathead put it over for Rocko. As a whole the special was awesome and still very funny. They had to cram 3 years worth of Rocko references into 45 minutes and they did it very well. This is a wonderful way for us who grew up watching Rocko to show our children, well, those who have any, what our childhood was like with enough of 2019 to keep them interested as well. When all is said and done can I recommend this? Oh hell yes. That about wraps up another edition of Warlock’s Movie Realm. Now get outta here before I give ya a slap!
Warlock's Movie Realm 