613. Hangmen (1987)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, Death Row Records t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a peanut butter jar of Dr. Pepper*

W: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlocks flicks his wrist and fire shoots out before he walks inside*

W: Tonight at the Realm we have something a bit random. Legendary middleweight boxer Jake LaMotta was immortalized in the Robert Di Nero movie Raging Bull but the real Jake was in a few movies in his lifetime. One of which just happened to be the first full length film of a 23 year old Sandra Bullock back in 1987. What’s that movie you ask? The action adventure movie HANGMEN! So what’s this about? Rich Washburn and Keith Bogart figure out a certain CIA group is actually a bunch of terrorists and Washburn’s father played by Jake LaMotta tells them to go on the run. Who can you trust? Who the hell knows.

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

W: This has absolutely nothing to do with Sandra Bullock but since she’s the most well known actor of the movie, she gets top billing on today’s dvd and streaming releases. Kind of like how Michelle Pfeiffer and Tony Danza get top billing on Hollywood Knights despite appearing in the film for all of 3 minutes. The good news is this movie clocks in at about 90 minutes long so if it sucks, at least its short. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for Hangmen.

Written by Steven Kaman and J Christian Ingvordsen

Directed by J Christian Ingvordsen

Cast:

Rick WashburnRob Greene (as Rick Washburne)
Dog ThomasDog Thompson
Keith BogartDanny Greene
J. Christian IngvordsenBone Conn (as John Christian)
Sandra BullockLisa Edwards
David Henry KellerAndrews
Dan LutskyJoe Connelly
Dan GoldenReynolds (as Sam Silver)
Robert KhaleelDraff
Jake LaMottaMoe Boone
Kosmo VinylKosmo
Stu DayKeeper
Dick BielSen. Biel
Amanda ZinsserCaroline Fosterian
Frank PechilloSWAT Lieutenant
Danny KuchuckBrian Spustein
Steven KamanVito (as Sven Nuvo)
Daniel ChapmanSado
Henry TorrèsFelix (as Henry Torres)
Lisa FugardMrs. Black
Joshua SinclairPhillipe Fosterlan
David DahlBad Guy
Frederick GrafBad Guy
Steven Mark FriedmanBad Guy
Dan BrowningBad Guy
John CassidyBad Guy
Brian McDanielBad Guy
Charlie YankoBad Guy
Joel NagleBad Guy
Michael DaneBad Guy
Terry DoughanBad Guy
Lee ElkinsBad Guy
David GalassoBad Guy
Steven ZanowicBad Guy
Brian MullinBad Guy
Dana FerriBad Guy
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Kevin DelaneyDelaney (uncredited)
Lu GriffinGreene’s Girlfriend (uncredited)
John RamaineBad Guy (uncredited)
Kent SheltonBad Guy (uncredited)

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “Rob Greene has information about an undercover terror team inside the CIA led by Joe Connelly. To stay alive with the knowledge, he is advised to stay undercover by his supervisor Andrews. Connelly’s men try to kill Greene, but he can escape and warns his son Danny that he also may be in danger.”

W: This may get complicated.

612. Universal Soldier (1992)

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a Boston Celtics #0 Jayson Tatum jersey, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a glass of water*

W: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock levitates before walking inside*

W: Tonight we’re going back to the past for a very special anniversary. Its been 30 years since the 1992 action movie UNIVERSAL SOLDIER came out. What’s this about? Zombies!! Well…kinda. Jean Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren are soldiers in Vietnam who kill each other and are brought back to life 20 years later as apart of a top secret super soldier program. Basically dead soldiers are reanimated and used by the government for black ops missions. Well what happens when the soldiers remember who they are and escape? That’s what we’re about to see,

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

W: Was this movie good? Oh hell yeah, its been a favorite of mine since the 90’s and its going to be fun to see it again. Does it hold up 30 years later? Who the hell cares. Its a Jean Claude Van Damme movie, not Shakespeare, its all about having fun. So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for UNIVERSAL SOLIDER.


Written by Dean Devlin, Christopher Leitch and Richard Rothstein

Directed by Roland Emmerich

Cast:

Jean-Claude Van DammeLuc Deveraux / GR44
Dolph LundgrenAndrew Scott / GR13
Ally WalkerVeronica Roberts
Ed O’RossColonel Perry
Jerry OrbachDr. Christopher Gregor
Leon RippyWoodward
Tico WellsGarth
Ralf MoellerGR76 (as Ralph Moeller)
Robert TreborMotel Owner
Gene DavisLieutenant
Drew SnyderCharles
Tom Lister Jr.GR55 (as ‘Tiny’ Lister Jr.)
Simon RheeGR61
Eric NorrisGR86
Michael WintherTechnician
Joseph MaloneHuey Taylor
Rance HowardJohn Devreux
Lilyan ChauvinMrs. John Devreux
Monty LairdAttendant
Joanne BaronBrenda the Waitress
Lupe OntiverosGregor’s Maid
Jack MooreWitzy
John StoreyClark
Bradford BancroftPowell
Thomas Rosales Jr.Wagner (as Thomas Rosales)
Trini TranVietnamese Girl
Tai ThaiVietnamese Boy
Rachel WagnerGirl in Motel
Brandon LambdinBoy in Motel
Ned BellamyFBI Agent
Paul RaczkowskiBriefing Officer
Daniel DemorestRadio Operator
Tanner GillMasked Gunman
Eddie BraunSniper
Walter RoblesSniper (as Walter P. Robles)
Jophery C. BrownThug (as Jophery Brown)
Dona HardyOld Woman
Leon DelaneyPatrolman
George FisherPatrolman
David EfronTrucker (as Dave Efron)
Myron L. LapkaTrucker
Dave DigregorioTrucker (as David DiGregorio)
Rhino MichaelsTrucker
Ralph D. CarpenterPoliceman (as R.D. Carpenter)
Duane DavisVietnam Army Officer
Shane DixonPoliceman
Joel KramerPoliceman
Rodd WolffPoliceman
Leilani JonesReporter at Hoover Dam
Mike RauseoReporter at Hoover Dam
Stephen Wolfe SmithReporter at Hoover Dam
Tom TaglangSoldier
Michael Jai WhiteSoldier
John Anthony D’AngeloSharpshooter
Roger B. EllsworthSharpshooter
Matt ThomasSharpshooter
Mirron E. WillisSharpshooter
Al Wyatt Jr.Local
Allan GrafHank the Cook
Kamel KrifaH.T.
John DeMitaTV News Crew
Jill JaressTV News Crew
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Michael BurnettDead Soldier #1 (uncredited)
Floyd GoodatGuppy Commander (uncredited)
Vojislav GovedaricaThug in bar (uncredited)
Mark HansonSoldier (uncredited)
Billy D. LucasHenchman (uncredited)
Richard NixonSelf (archive footage) (uncredited)
Matthew PollinoMan (uncredited)
Kris Van DammeYoung Luc Deveraux (uncredited)

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “Two rival soldiers who were killed in Vietnam are brought back to life in a top secret military experiment that creates superhuman warriors.”

W: Yeah, zombie soldiers, what could go wrong?

611. The Man Who Laughs (1928)

*The Warlock is in his lair ranting and raving about how he’s still not over Parasite beating Joker for Best Picture and Neyzor Blades has had enough*

N: You’ve been ranting about it for 2 years now, its not going to change anything.

W: I know, I know. Ever since I saw Parasite I’ve been getting progressively mad about it.

N: What’s so great about the Joker anyway?

W: You saw the movie with me! You liked it.

N: No, the character. Why are there a hundred different Jokers and styles?

W: Every movie is different, every character is different. Jack Nicholson was a gangster out for revenge, Jared Leto was a weird psychopath, Heath Ledger was a brilliant anarchist, Joaquin Phoenix was a man who was off his meds and on and on.

N: What started all that?

W: Well there’s two origins. He came from the early Batman comics but the look was based of……

N: Based off what….

W: You know what……now is as good as time as any.

*Warlock goes over to his Smart TV and punches in words*

N: Oh no…oh no no no, don’t say a movie. You’re on your own.

*Neyz walks out and goes in another room. Warlock spins around*

W: Welcome to Warlock’s Movie Realm for a special look into the past. A lot of people ask where the look of The Joker from the Batman comics came from and the inspiration came of a 1928 silent horror film known as THE MAN WHO LAUGHS.

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

W: So what’s this about? A 17th century lord refuses to kiss the hand of King James the second so the king has the man executed and his son disfigured to show them who’s boss. Years later the disfigured man makes his return along with his blind lover. Now this has absolutely nothing to do with any Batman comics, only the look. Conrad Veidt’s look and makeup is what inspired The Joker. Now will the movie be any good? It clocks in at an hour and 50 minutes and its a silent movie. Will we get a nice little revenge movie or will Conrad mope around for 2 hours like a German version of Hamlet? So grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for THE MAN WHO LAUGHS.

Written by Victor Hugo, J Grubb Alexander and Walter Anthony

Directed by Paul Leni

Cast

Mary PhilbinDea
Conrad VeidtGwynplaine / Lord Clancharlie
Julius MolnarGwynplaine as a child (as Julius Molnar Jr.)
Olga BaclanovaDuchess Josiana
Brandon HurstBarkilphedro
Cesare GravinaUrsus
Stuart HolmesLord Dirry-Moir
Sam De GrasseKing James II (as Sam DeGrasse)
George SiegmannDr. Hardquanonne
Josephine CrowellQueen Anne
KĂ¡roly HuszĂ¡rInnkeeper (as Charles Puffy)
Zimbo the DogHomo the Wolf (as Zimbo)
Rest of cast listed alphabetically:
Delmo FritzSword Swallower
Deno FritzSword Swallower
Henry A. BarrowsUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Richard BartlettUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Les BatesUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Charles BrinleyUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Carmen CastilloDea’s Mother (uncredited)
Allan CavanUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
D’Arcy CorriganUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Carrie DaumeryLady-in-Waiting (uncredited)
Howard DaviesUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Nick De RuizWapentake (uncredited)
Louise EmmonsGypsy Hag (uncredited)
J.C. FowlerUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
John GeorgeDwarf (uncredited)
Jack A. GoodrichClown (uncredited)
Charles HancockUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Lila LaPonUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
George MarionMan at Chatham Prison (uncredited)
Torben MeyerThe Spy (uncredited)
Joe MurphyHardquanones Messenger (uncredited)
Edgar NortonLord High Chancellor (uncredited)
Broderick O’FarrellUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Lon PoffUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Frank PugliaClown (uncredited)
Henry RoquemoreUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Templar SaxeUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Allan SearsUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Scott SeatonUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Louis SternUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Al StewartUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)
Anton VaverkaUndetermined Secondary Role (uncredited)

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

W: “When a proud noble refuses to kiss the hand of the despotic King James in 1690, he is cruelly executed and his son surgically disfigured.”

W: Hence the laughing.