*The Warlock is in his lair with Mr. America having a philosophical discussion about M*A*S*H*
W: No way, cement head. If Colonel Blake never left then there never would have been a Major Winchester.
A: How do you figure that, frog face? Major Burns went nuts because Major Houlihan got married, what’s that got to do with Colonel Blake?
W: Because Margret respected Colonel Potter, ya Darwinnian nightmare. If Blake was still there, Houlihan would have kept trying to get rid of him and it would have brought the show to a screeching halt.
A: Because Blake was an idiot, you pickle puss. He…..
*All of a sudden the ground begins to rumble*
A: Oh no you don’t, you can’t scare me.
W: That wasn’t me.
*America then barrell rolls over the recliner and grabs his carbine*
A: Must be the Demonic Toys again.
W: You know what….its time.
A: What do you mean?
W: Going to the attic.
A: THE ATTIC?
W: Hold on.
*Warlock leaves and walks up the stairs. A minute later he comes back downstairs carrying a blu ray*
A: What’s that?
W: Back in 2009 I bought this movie and never watched it.
A: Wait, you mean to tell me the reason this house shakes and we get demons from hell his because you didn’t watch a movie in 2009?
W: Basically unfinished business. Because I didn’t watch it in 2009 its been festering ever since.
A: Even if I were to believe you for one second, why didn’t you watch it?
*Warlock tosses America the case*
A: MAX PAYNE?
W: Yup, the Marky Mark movie where he plays Max Payne.
A: What’s so special about this?
W: Put it in, I’ll explain.
*America puts the blu ray in the player then takes his seat in the recliner*
W: I held off on watching the movie because I’ve never actually played the video games and I wanted to play the games first. Well I never did play the games.
A: Good one, genius.
W: Its been 14 years and I doubt I’m ever going to play the games, so I may as well watch the movie and get it out of the way once and for all.
A: I’ll be surprised if this damn thing even works.
*Warlock turns to the camera*
W: So tonight on Warlock’s Movie Realm, Mr. America and I will be watching MAX PAYNE. The 2008 adaptation based off the popular video games. I was supposed to watch this movie 14 years ago but I waited until I played the games first….well I never played the games. The time has come to watch it so I can just move on and get it out of my “need to watch” binder. So what is the movie about? Max Payne kills everyone…..well not really. I honestly don’t know. That;s the beauty of this, I’m going in completely blind. It should be a fun movie and it clocks in at an hour and 40 minutes. So, let’s put 14 years of misery behind us, grab your popcorn, grab your drink and grab your woman because its time for MAX PAYNE.
Written by Sam Lake and Beau Thorne
Directed by John Moore
Cast:
*Mr. America reads the tag-line*
A: “Coming together to solve a series of murders in New York City are a police detective and an assassin, who will be hunted by the police, the mob, and a ruthless corporation.”
W: This should be fun
*After the movie is over Warlock falls to his knees and says*
W: Oh, its over…14 years, its over.
A: Happy now?
*Warlock puts the blu ray away and sighs. All of a sudden the ground rumbles again*
A: Hey wait a second, I thought you finished the business.
W: Yeah, I said I finished this piece of business. Its not the only thing we didn’t get to finish.
A: You mean there’s more?
W: Oh yeah, but that’s for another time.
A: Whatever!
THE END
Warlock's Movie Realm 