238. Kook’s Tour (1970)

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*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, GHOST CRAZY t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a coffee mug of root beer*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*Warlock shoots fire into the sky and enters the lair*

Warlock: Tonight is a special night here at the Realm. We are taking a look at a made for TV movie that was never actually released. With us tonight is Mr. America.

*Mr America is sitting on the left side of the couch. He’s wearing white camo fatigues, vest and hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades*

America: Pleasure.

Warlock: But wait there’s more….the man behind the money himself, MR WALLSTREET!

*Mr Wallstreet spins around in the recliner. He’s wearing a red linen suit with yellow tie and brown shoes*

Wallstreet: Great to be here.

Warlock: Tonight we are looking at an hour long made for TV special which was going to be a pilot for a future TV show featuring The Three Stooges. The title was KOOK’S TOUR.

Wallstreet: Why was it never completed?

Warlock: Just before filming ended Larry Fine suffered a paralyzing stroke. The show…and pretty much the Stooges themselves were cancelled for good.

America: That’s sad.

*Warlock takes his seat on the right side of the couch*

Warlock: Yes it was, but let’s enjoy one last hurrah with the Stooges in Kook’s Tour.

 

Written and Directed by Norman Mauer

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “After nearly 50 years of eye-poking and face-slapping, the Stooges decide to retire and tour the world with their dog, Moose.”

America: What???

Wallstreet: Nyuk nyuk nyuk

 

*Opening scene has a montage of old Stooges action*

Warlock: Ah the good ol days,

Wallstreet: Hahahahaha

 

*Moe (Moe Howard), Larry (Larry Fine) and Curly Joe (Joe Derita) explains how they retired and are now touring the world*

Warlock: Welcome to Kook’s Tour.

America: What???

Wallstreet: What, you never heard of it?

America: No.

 

*Moose (himself) is introduced as the Stooges leave*

Warlock: Moose won best supporting actor.

America: Okay.

 

*Moe, Larry and Curly Joe sign autographs for women before a trailer is loaded onto a plane*

Warlock: Can you do that?

America: I’d have to see the size of the plane. That looks like 707.

 

*The boat with the Stooges is loaded onto the plane with them inside it*

Wallstreet: Hey you’re crushing my eyebrows.

 

*Moe by himself says he drew the short straw. He’s in the noisy city to tell the story of the great outdoors*

America: I wonder if this was filmed because Larry had a stroke.

 

*Curly Joe radios Moe and the feedback is too loud. He goes to poke the radio and says “Oh, have to forget old habits*

Warlock: I don’t have to

*Warlock pokes Wallstreet in the eyes*

 

*Joe falls into the water trying to back the boat into it. Larry sends Moose to retrieve Joe’s hat. Larry says he’ll drown. Moe says with all that blubber he’ll float. Joe, Larry and Moe screw up putting the boat in the water*

Warlock: You knuckleheads.

 

*Moe says he’s been surrounded by morons for 50 years*

Warlock: Ted Healy, Shemp and Moe were the first stooges in the early 20’s.

 

*The boat floats away without them and they send Moose to go retrieve it*

Warlock and America: Hahahahaha

 

*Moe “Captain Moe please.” Joe “Okay, Captain Moe Please.” Moe looks at him*

Wallstreet: Hahahaha

 

*Moe says they were following the trail of Lewis and Clark on the Snake River. It was a dangerous part of the Oregon trail because Shoshoni Indians were ambushing travelers. Moe narrates actual history*

Warlock: This would have been educational as well as funny if Larry didn’t get sick.

 

*Moe says the National Park forbid Moose to hang in the boat*

Warlock: Dogs suck, cats are better.

America: Nooooooo.

 

*Joe, Larry and Moe go fishing. Joe has a biter and they reel it in*

Warlock: Wow, they actually didn’t screw up.

America: Give them time.

 

*Moe says they headed to Yellowstone. Moe, Larry, Curly Joe and Moose are surrounded by fans*

Warlock: They must have been used to this by now.

 

*Larry films the geysers and says that’s a funny way to make coffee. Moe “That’s a witches brew right there.”

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Moe narrates the waterfalls as the Stooges go sightseeing*

Warlock: Do you think this would have worked?

Wallstreet: What do you mean?

Warlock: Would the show have been a hit?

America: I don’t know.

 

*Moe ties Moose to a tree and say they’ll be right back*

America: That sucks.

 

*Moose breaks free and runs after them*

Warlock: Saw that coming.

 

*Moe, Larry and Curly Joe board a boat with Moose watching from the shore. He jumps in the water and swims after them. They ride away not noticing him*

Warlock: They’re not gonna drown him are they?

America: Why would they do that?

 

*Moose swims back to shore as Moe, Larry and Curly Joe ride around.  Various shots of birds are shown*

Warlock: I get it now, because Larry got sick they had to use all this nature footage to make up for it.

America: It could be a combination of both.

 

*Moose frolics in the water with various animals around. Moe, Larry and Curly Joe turn around to go get moose. Moose wanders around the park while a real moose is shown*

Warlock: This isn’t that funny though.

America: Yeah I don’t think this would have garnered the same audience.

Warlock: Then again this could be footage shot to make up for Larry being ill.

 

*A bear shows up and spots Moose. Moose runs for it*

Warlock: Bogey The Bear show!

 

*Moe, Larry and Curly Joe go back to get Moose. Larry camouflages himself to get a picture of a deer when they spot Moose’s leash. They split up*

Warlock: They split up.

America: Ugh.

Wallstreet: Its not a horror movie though.

 

*Moe and Larry walk like dogs to find Moose*

Warlock and Wallstreet: Hahaha

 

*Curly Joe and Moe trash talk Larry not knowing he’s right behind them*

Warlock: Hahahhaa

 

*Moose chases Larry who’s still in disguise. They run to Moe and Curly Joe. Larry says he found him. They cater to Moose and ignore Larry. Moe in the voiceover says Larry’s been written as the moron for 50 years*

Warlock: He’s right.

 

*The Stooges play a prank by screwing with the geysers at Yellowstone. Its all in fast motion*

Warlock: Wonder how this would have looked in HD.

 

*Moe and Curly Joe catch fish, Larry gets nothing. Moose was fascinated by the fish. Moe says the entire trout population of Dick Springs, Idaho plotted to drive him crazy*

Warlock: Actually this would have fit right in on the Travel Channel today.

America: Actually you’re right.

 

*Larry takes a picture of piranha. Then they later take separate boats and Curly Joe crashes into Moe. Moe “You dumb numbskull. Look out you fat idiot!”*

America: Saw that coming.

 

*Henry’s Lake is one of the best rainbow fishing spots. Larry still can’t catch anything. Curly Joe and Moe continue to catch fish. Larry runs into a pole and falls*

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Moe uses Larry’s rod to catch a fish. Moe tells Larry the rule is if he don’t catch em, he don’t eat em. They head to Redfish Lake in the Sawtooth Mountains in Idaho. Moe, Larry and Curly Joe go camping. Joe can’t hack wood but he picks up litter. Moe “The old fatso loved to keep the camp clean”. A woman (Lois Goleman) belts Joe with her purse*

America: Hahaha

 

*Joe rides a motorbike vaccum to clean up the park. He crashes into everything with a trumpet version of Yankee Doodle Dandy. He crashes into campers (Norman Mauer and Jeffrey Scott)*

Warlock: That’s Norman Mauer, Moe’s son in law.

 

*Larry concocts a trap to catch animals to take a picture of a deer. Moe says to get Moose and go to lunch before the men in the white coats show up. Larry “Are they coming to lunch too?”

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*A rainstorm ruins the Stooges picnic*

Warlock: Saw that coming.

 

*Moe makes Curly Joe sleep in the tent. Moe will sleep in the trailer. Two lovers kiss by a tree and trigger Larry’s trap. Larry tells Joe and Moe to follow him as he goes to check out the camera.  They are chased away by the angry couple*

Wallstreet: Hahahaha

 

*Moe gives the history of the Boise River where they do more fishing. Curly Joe says this is Larry’s chance. Moose catches a fish before Larry does. Larry gets frustrated*

Warlock: Everyone fishes better than Larry.

 

*Moose eats the fish as Moe steers the boat to Priest Lake. Moose became Moe’s first mate*

Warlock: I should have watched this with Neyz.

Wallstreet: I resent that!

Warlock: What are you gonna do about it?

Wallstreet: Nothing.

 

*Larry is sure he’s going to catch a fish. They fished for 3 solid hours and once again Larry caught nothing. Joe and Moe laugh at him as Larry throws his hat in the water. The hat have fish biting it and Joe pulls it in. He says one for him, one for Moe and one for Moose. Back by himself, Moe says goodbye to everyone and says they’re going to Japan next time. The end*

America: So they were setting up for the next episode.

Warlock: Yeah, too bad it never happened.

 

Mr. Wallstreet’s Assessment: It was good for its time, it was definitely something different. I give it a 6.

Mr. America’s Assessment:  I give it a 4

The Warlock’s Assessment:  I too give it a 6. It was an interesting concept and it would have actually been a hit had it came out today. It did have flashes of classic Stooges so one can only wonder how this series could have gone.

Final Grade: 5 out of 10 – Average.

 

*Warlock, America and Wallstreet all rise*

Wallstreet: Well fellas, it was fun but I must be returning home.

Warlock: Hope what you watched wasn’t too bad.

Wallstreet: Not at all, always wanted to see Kook’s Tour.

America: Shall I give the customary ride in the panzer?

Wallstreet: Soitainly. Warlock it was a pleasure.

*America and Wallstreet leave, moments later the ceilimg starts to rumble*

Warlock: No…not yet….have a pleasant evening.

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