*The Warlock and Mr. America are walking into an opera house. Both are wearing matching tuxedos only America has on avaitor shades and Warlock has gargoyles. They enter to Sharp Dressed Man by ZZ Top playing while the high class opera goers look at them with scorn*
America: I have to be out of my mind to let you talk me into this.
America: Why in the name of hell are we going to an opera???
Warlock: Its not just any opera, you’re going to love it.
America: The words “opera” and “love it” do not go together.
Warlock: Oh don’t be such a trillabooya.
America: I am not a trill……wait what?
*Warlock hands the two tickets to the ticket taker who just happens to be Jay-Z Jedley and they walk inside*
Warlock: Alright, let me guess, two drinks and two hot dogs right?
America: In an opera house???
Warlock: Yeah, good point. Let’s take our seats.
America: I swear to god I don’t think you’ll be living to see the end of tonight.
*Warlock and America take their seats in the balcony*
America: Just for morbid curiosity, what show are we watching anyway?
Warlock: Repo, The Genetic Opera.
America: What? An opera based off the Jude Law movie we saw?
Warlock: Not exactly, but almost, this came out first I believe.
*The lights begin to dim*
Warlock: Oh, its beginning.
Directed by Darren Lynn Bousman
Written by Darren Smith and Terrance Zdunich
*Warlock reads the tagline*
Warlock: “A worldwide epidemic encourages a biotech company to launch an organ-financing program similar to a standard car loan. The repossession clause is a killer, however.”
America: So it IS like the Jude Law movie.
Warlock: Yeah, only its an opera.
*Comic book opening shows an epidemic caused half the world to die. Geneco rose from the ashes to give organ transplants for a price*
Warlock: This is the same shit as Repo Men, only this came first.
*Rotti Largo (Paul Sorvino) is the most powerful man in the world. Amber Sweet (Paris Hilton) is also introduced. The Repo Man (Anthony Head) is introduced. The weird dude gives a rhyme about the Repo Man*
America: We wasted no time. Instead of hitting the ground running, we’re hitting the ground singing.
*Repo Man cuts a girl’s heart out*
Warlock: Mind if I eat?
*Blind Mag (Sarah Brightman) is in her last performance*
America: You know what would suck? If the engines for the floating TV’s failed?
*Rotto says you disgust me*
Warlock: You disgust me!
*The doctor informs Rotto that he’s dying, the bodyguard shoots him dead*
Warlock: Well that’s one way to grieve.
*Rotto cuts a promo all in rhyme*
Warlock: This is like Woman Haters, the first 3 Stooges short.
*Floating bug man appears*
Warlock: Look its a whale.
America: How the hell do you call that a whale?
*Graverobber (Terrance Zdunich) is the host*
*Graverobber gets spotted so he and the girl enter a room of dead bodies. Police drag the girl out. Repo Man saves her. Shilo Wallace (Alexa PenaVega) is the Repo Man’s daughter. Nathan is his real name*
Warlock: Oh my fucking god its Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
*Shilo has an inoperable disease, she’s naturally bald so she wears black wigs. She goes on a song about being infected*
Warlock: So this is the Saw version of Rent
America: Pretty much.
*Shilo looks outside*
America: What a view. That’s prime real estate.
*Nathan’s Story. Nathan was a doctor married to Marni (Sarah Power) 17 years ago. Marni was pregnant with Shilo. She got sick and he thought he came up with a cure, only it killed her. He barely managed to rescue the baby Shilo*
Warlock: Good job you quack!
*Nathan has Marni in crio stasis and he goes into a solo number*
Warlock: I dig the digitized pictures.
*Nathan goes behind the fireplace and turns into the Repo Man*
Warlock: So Giles is a bad ass, I love it.
*Irish drinking song with graphic lyrics*
*Amber asks where the fuck is dad. Her brother Luigi (Bill Moseley), Amber and Pavi (Kevin “ohGr” Ogilvie) are all sibilings and they sing of who their father Rotti is going to leave Geneco too*
Warlock: Bill Moseley in the house.
*Rotti’s story. 17 years ago Marni was Rotti’s girlfriend and he lost her to Nathan. He snuck poison into Nathan’s cure. He had Nathan’s life ruined. He also says his kids will inherit nothing*
*Rotti goes on his own rhyming number. His bodyguards (Andreja Punkins and Alisa Burket) kidnap Shilo and throw her into the limo. He sings to her*
*Rotti says she should meet Blind Mag and Nathan doesn’t have to know. Meanwhile Nathan goes on a sadistic number before cutting someone open and ripping his intestines out. He retrieves organs and sings no one likes a thankless job. He cleans off his suit while watching a commercial for Geneco. The spokesperson (J Larose) introduces Blind Mag*
Warlock: Excitement is in the air.
*Geneco’s expo is going to be hosted by Blind Mag. Pavi has his face put on. More arguing with Amber and Luigi. Rotti sends them away as Rotti introduces Mag to Shilo and says they’re together again*
Warlock: Together again?
*Blind Mag’s story. 17 years ago two best friends Mag and Marni, Mag was blind. Marni was dating Rotti. Rotti cured Mag’s blindness but at the cost of her freedom. She has to serve Rotti for life*
Warlock: So more or less an aunt to Shilo.
*Shilo is thrown into a tent. Nathan gets a message from Rotti to repossess more organs. He sings to Shilo through a wristwatch phone while he cuts someone open*
*Nathan says a patient of his is sick*
America: That’s an understatement.
*Shilo takes medication for her blood disease. Graverobber sticks his head in*
Warlock: There’s the alien shoot him!!!!!
*Graverobber breaks out Shilo*
Warlock: 58 minutes to go, can you handle it?
*Tabloid comics on Amber’s zydrate use*
Warlock: Like a live action National Enquirer.
*Drug Market song*
Warlock: I like the riff.
*Amber and her bodyguards (Martin Samuel and Stephan Dubeau) show up. Graverobber is Amber’s zydrate dealer. Amber goes on a number on her own. Graverobber says if Mag splits, the Repo Man will come for her eyes. Graverobber and Shilo split as Rotti’s guards capture Amber*
Warlock: So Paris Hilton is a heel, that makes perfect sense.
*Nathan is brought before Luigi, Amber, Pavi and Rotti. They sing to him that he’s to remove Mag’s eyes because she’s skipping town. Rotti reveals to cover up the fact she murdered Marni, he turned him into Repo Man to pay off his debt*
Warlock: If only he knew.
*Nathan goes on a number about being a night surgeon*
Warlock: Bravo, bravo!
*Nathan says he can’t cut Mag’s eyes out and Rotti says no one walks away from him. Rotti says he’ll take him out. Mag visits Shilo and says she’s her godmother. Mag shows her mother when she was younger using a hologram projector in her eyes. Mag says to follow her dreams when Nathan walks in. Shilo sings at him asking why he told her Shilo died. They argue while singing and Nathan throws Mag out*
*Nathan refuses to help Shilo and Mag because Shilo thinks the Repo Man will get her not knowing he IS the Repo Man*
Warlock: All he has to do is tell her he won’t let the Repo Man get her.
*Shilo goes on her number on being 17*
Warlock: *Sings* She’s only seventeeeeeeeeeeeen
*The guitar player (Joan Jett) plays during the makeshift concert*
Warlock: That’s the real Joan Jett.
America: No kidding!
*Shilo says she’s a fucking monster and Nathan slaps her down. He quickly apologizes and we cut to Rotti confronted by Amber. Amber whines and says she’ll never sing again*
*Rotti looks at the disfigured Amber and gags. He coughs and he says he’ll have one of his surgeons fix her so she can sing that night. Rotti sings his plan is to wipe out the kids and leave Geneco to Shilo. He sings gold makes the world go around. Rotti says he has Shilo’s cute but Nathan hears it. He goes to change behind the fireplace and Shilo runs to the window. Rotti’s message is at the window*
Warlock: What the hell is this about?
*Rotti’s goons attack Nathan, Nathan kills the two goons. Rotti says he wants Nathan Wallace taken out and reveals he’s the Repo Man. Shilo escapes and Nathan says to make Rotti pay at the opera that nigh. Nathan sends a message to Shilo that she should wear her mother’s dress to the opera*
Warlock: Still got a half hour left, this can’t be the end.
*Mag, Nathan, Shilo, Pavi, Amber, Amber and Luigi all prepare for the opera that night. Graverobber narrates what may happen at the end, whoever is left alive wins Geneco*
Warlock: That actually does sound exciting.
*Single mom (Jake Reardon) bares her top*
Warlock: Yay, titties.
*Big Man (Marty Adams) dances in the crowd*
Warlock: Fat guy dances better than you do.
America: That’s not saying much.
Warlock: Where’s D’Von?
*Rotti says she’s going to be used as bait to draw out Repo Man. Amber has her own solo*
Warlock: Somebody shoot her.
*Amber’s face falls off and the crowd boos*
Warlock and America: Booooooooooo!
*Rotti “Bring me Repo Man and you’ll get your cure.”
Warlock: Sounds simple.
*Blind Mag sings.opera*
Warlock: This is killing my ears.
*Mag cuts her own eyes out, Rotti cuts her chord and she’s impaled through the fence below. The voiceover says its all part of the show*
Warlock: So much for Mag.
*Rotti says Shilo will be cured as the main event. Repo Man shows up and Shilo hits him in the head. He unmasks and Shilo drops her blunt object. They sing argue at each other. Shilo runs off and Nathan says Rotti is to blame. We get more comic book graphic violence*
*Nathan walks out onstage and sees Mag dead. Luigi guts him with a spike. Rotti says Pavi is worthless. Rotti says Nathan killed his mother and poisoned Shilo. Shilo drops and flashes the entire movie in 25 seconds. Shilo wakes up, Rotti hands Shilo a gun and says if she kills Nathan, she gets Geneco. The kids protest and wrestle each other. Suddenly Shilo grabs the gun and aims at Rotti saying he used her to get to Nathan. The lights go out and Rotti shoots Nathan*
*Rorri says Pavi and Luigi are creatures. He tells them both to go away. He calls Amber disgusting and not his daughter. Rotti says when he’s gone, Geneco will crumble. He falls down dead*
Warlock: Well that was easy.
*Nathan and Shilo sing before Nathan dies in her arms*
Warlock and America: *Fake death* Ehhhhhhhhhhh
*Shilo goes on a solo number before walking out, entering a limo. Graveronner reads the news and sings the outro song*
Warlock: This guy is the movie’s Crypt Keeper.
*Amber, Luigi and Pavi get their outros in comic form. Amber sold her face in an auction…to Pavi. End credits*
Warlock: Now is it over?
*One last credits scene shows Amber as Geneco’s new CEO*
Warlock: Wonderful, NOW its over.
Mr. America’s Assessment: I give it a 5, it wasn’t that bad.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 7 out of 10. I digged the dark humor although the fact Shilo never learned that Rotti poisoned the mother was a little disheartening.
Final Grade: 6 out of 10: Good
*The red curtain goes down as warlock and America stand and applaud*
Warlock: Bravo! Bravo!
America: What a show! What a show!
*Suddenly Warlock and America are pelted with programs, tomatoes, gloves, hats and eggs. One patron complaibs they talked during the whole opera as another shouts to “get them!”*
America: Holy shit, let’s get outta here!
Warlock: Run for it!
*Warlock and America run off*