*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black dress shirt, dress pants, black shoes and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a wine glass of Dr. Pepper*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock doesn’t do any tricks, he just walks inside*
Warlock: Happy Valentine’s Day here at the Realm. I know I was supposed to do Ring of Fire 3 but on this special ocassion, I can make an exception. Tonight in honor of the night, Neyzor Blades and I will be catching a rom-com.
*Neyz is sitting in the recliner wearing a black dress*
Neyz: If this is like Mr. Wrong I’m going to punch you in the face.
Warlock: Oh hell no, this is 100 times better than that.
Neyz: How do you know?
Warlock: Because it was rated much higher.
Neyz: That’s not saying much.
*Warlock sits in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: Well the movie we are watching is Last Chance Harvey. A divorcee meets a new friend that gives him the strength to attend his daughter’s wedding.
Neyz: Doesn’t sound too bad.
Warlock: I hope its good, so let’s get started with Last Chance Harvey.
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “In London for his daughter’s wedding, a rumpled man finds his romantic spirits lifted by a new woman in his life.”
Neyz: Awwwww babe.
Written and Directed by Joel Hopkins
*Opening credits has Harvey Shine (Dustin Hoffman) playing the piano*
Warlock: Love to see him put on shades and sing What I Say in a German accent.
*Kate Walker (Emma Thompson) says hi to Paddy (Pascal Scott) the mailman who says she looks lovlier than ever*
*Harvey continues to pound the piano as Kate visits her mum Maggie (Eileen Atkins) and they share back and forth moments. She insults Maggie*
*Johnnie (Tim Howar) uses Harvey’s music for a commercial. Marvin (Richard Schiff) says Johnnie should present on Monday as Harvey is off for his daughter’s wedding. Marvin says Johnnie can handle it and Harvey says he’ll be back Monday guaranteed. Marvin says this is Harvey’s last chance*
Warlock: Least we get the movie title.
*Kate is on a train reading*
Warlock: Better hope Christopher Lambert’s crew from The Hunted aren’t there.
Neyz: What are you talking about??
*Harvey talks with some woman on board the flight to London that his daughter and his future son in law are both American. He has a perfectly good wedding system*
Warlock: It just won’t work.
*Harvey is nervous and tries to talk but the woman blows him off and goes to sleep*
Warlock: Wow, everyone is mad at him already.
*Kate says hi to Aggie (Wendy Mae Brown) who’s doing a crossword puzzle*
Warlock: That crossword puzzle won best supporting actor
*Oonagh (Bronagh Gallagher) walks in and she says Matt (Jeremy Sheffield) is bringing Simon (Patrick Baladi) but Kate isn’t interested. Kate says not to leave her alone with him. Aggie says not to trust Oonagh.
Neyz: I love the Irish accent.
*Kate meets Harvey for the first time. He blows her off and says he’s tired. He calls Susan (Liane Balaban) and leaves a message then uses an electric shaver in the taxi cab. He tries to give a British number but fails miserably*
Warlock: Ugh, those are a pain in the ass.
*Harvey asks where his room is at the hotel and where the bride is staying, the concierge (Vincent Brimble) tells him he’s the only one with reservations there*
Warlock: Wow, everyone REALLY is against him.
*Harvey breaks the window shade as his cell rings. His daughter calls and he asks where everyone is, Susan says her mother put everyone else up in a house but him. He’ll be right over tomorrow*
Warlock: Oh that’s just wrong.
Neyz: That sucks.
*Maggie calls Kate as she checks out her neighbor in his yard. Kate meets with Oonagh and its established Maggie is suffering from dementia. Kate is introduced to Matt and Simon. Apparenly Matt lied about Simon’s occupation. Meanwhile Harvey wakes up, showers, dresses and heads to the wedding. His suit still has the electronic tag attached*
Warlock: Hahahaha what?
*Scott (Daniel LaPaine) introduces himself to Harvey. Scott is Susan’s fiancee. He introduces his best friends Josh (Adam James) and Pete (Michael Landes). They exchange small talk and Harvey gets a call. He takes it and then exchanges small talk with Pete and Josh. He goes to look for Susan meanwhile Kate and Oonagh are still at the ball. Oonagh calls Maggie human contriception*
Neyz: That’s so sad.
*Kate is reluctant to go back to Simon. Meanwhile Harvey and Susan exchange small talk. He asks if her mom is there with Brian (James Brolin) and Susan says yes*
Warlock: Heh its James Brolin.
*Harvey subtlely bitches about being in a hotel away from everyone has Susan’s friends rush to say hi. She gets swarmed and Harvey walks away*
Warlock: This is depressing.
*Oonagh leaves Matt alone with Simon*
Warlock: Aggie called it.
*Simon says they’ve been set up. They exchange laughs and Kate asks for white wine. Simon goes to the bar where more of his friends show up. Kate takes another call from Maggie. Meanwhile Harvey meets his ex wife Jean (Kathy Baker), Brian and another couple. Harvey says their little girl is getting married. Brian introduces the Watsons, Barry (Tim Ahern) and Jill (Kate Harper). Harvey says Jill looks Weller. Harvey calls their daughter their son*
Warlock: Nice going jerk.
*Harvey makes a scene trying to leave the dinner table to make sure the meeting on Monday isn’t screwed up. Meanwhile Kate’s seat is now full of Simon’s friends. Andrew (Alex Avery), Melissa (Angela Griffin) and Gwen (Charlotte Lucas). They ask how they know each other and they admit they met that night. Kate doesn’t want to be rude but doesn’t want people to stay. Brian wants to make a toast at the table and brings up their holiday in Rome and welcomes Scott to the family*
Warlock: Wow, this is sad.
Neyz: What is?
Warlock: Stepfather is basically doing what Dustin Hoffman should be.
*Harvey wants to make a toast but his cell phone goes off*
Warlock: Throw the damn thing out the window.
*Harvey says “To a great couple.” and sits down. Scott says “Maybe I should call you dad” to Brian and Harvey looks glumly. Susan raises her glass and Harvey raises his*
Neyz: I see it now. Damn.
*Kate sits glumly amongst Simon’s friends as Harvey sits at the bar alone. Jean stops by to see Harvey. She asks if she’s okay and he says he’s excellent. Jean’s afraid he’s going to embarass himself. Harvey says she’s still good at making him feel like a piece of shit in 30 seconds. He asks why she married him and she sdays she was very young and he was fun. He asks if Brian’s fun and she says he thinks she’s fun. She tells him to go home, get some rest and see their daughter get married. He goes to leave and Susan says hi. He says Scott seams like a good guy. She asks how his work is and he subtlely says it sucks. He apologizes to her but he has to get back to New York. He won’t be at the reception but he’ll be there for the ceremony. Susan then reveals that she wants Brian to walk her down the isle, not him*
Warlock: I’m turning the movie off…this sucks.
Neyz: No you don’t.
*Harvey puts on a good face and tells Susan to have a good time with her friends and says he’ll see her tomorrow. Meanwhile Kate cries in the women’s bathroom because she’s lonely*
Warlock: This is fucking depressing.
*Harvey takes a cab home while Kate walks away. Suddenly Harvey gets out of the cab and says he’ll walk from there. Kate then enters the cab and goes back to Maggie’s. Next day Susan and Scott get married. Harvey watches from the very back as Scott kisses Susan. He then leaves and hails a cab*
Warlock: This movie better start getting more uplifting. I mean its not bad but this is making me want to jump out a window.
*Harvey makes a run for Heathrow airport*
Warlock: Its always a zoo, I’ve been there.
*Harvey is denied his flight because he was caught in traffic. The receptionist says the next flight is tomorrow morning. He calls Marvin and lets him know he’s gonna be late. Marvin says its over, he’s fired*
Warlock: Now can I shut this fucking movie off?
Neyz: Wow….I’m not sure if you should or not anymore.
*Harvey hits up the bar for Johnny Walker with Kate sitting behind him. He spots her and asks how she’s doing. He recognizes her from the airport and apologizes for being rude then. He asks if the book she’s reading is good and she says she’ll find out when she reads it. He turns around and drinks and she sarcastically says “That’ll help.” Harvey “It’ll help as much as a trashy novel and a glass of chardonaay” He then apologizes and says he’s had a much shittier day. He says he got fired for missing a flight and his daughter walked down the isle with the step-father instead of him. Kate says he wins. Harvey says he’ll buy her lunch or tea and Kate says they don’t know each other. Harvey says THAT’S why they should have tea or lunch. Kate gets a call and she doesn’t answer and Harvey keeps badgering her. Meanwhile Maggie keeps checking out her polish neighbor (Robert Jezek)*
Warlock: She thinks he’s a murderer.
*Harvey introduces himself and says he got fired for missing his flight. He writes jingles and Kate asks if he wanted more. Harvey says he would have given anything to have been a Jazz pianist. She asks if he was good and he says he wasn’t good enough. Katie apologizes for being nosy and he says he likes it. Harvey says he appreciates her blunt honesty and she says ever since Diana died the country has been a lot more meaner*
Warlock: Wish I could confirm that.
*Harvey and Kate share more bonding moments. Harvey and Kate exchange goodbyes as Kate goes off to a “writing class” as Harvey heads back to the hotel. Kate walks off smiling as she waits for the train*
Warlock: Mind the gap.
*Kate reads on the train as Harvey makes his way through. He says he didn’t want to stay at the hotel and he ran all the way to get there. He wishes she was four cars down and asks where they’re going. She says Paddington. Harvey “Oh.” Kate goes to exchange goodbyes but Harvey says he’ll walk her to class. He drops his bags off and walks with her. They share more bonding moments as Kate’s phone goes off. Its Maggie again. She asks where Katie is and she says with a man. She claims her neighbor buried a body. Kate says she’ll be over in the morning to check it out. Harvey laughs and Kate says she doesn’t live with her but near her. Her father ran off with his secretary to France and Maggie beat cancer afterwards. Kate says she’s just bored and checking on her constantly is her way of keeping busy. They make it to the class and Harvey says he’ll wait for her to be done. Kate says its cold and Harvey says its not that cold*
Warlock: Watch, she walks out and its 7 degrees out and snowing, he’s shivering under a newspaper.
*Maggie answers her door, its the Polish neighbor. She opens the door and there’s a package on the ground. She brings it inside*
Warlock: If that’s a severed head I’m going to be very upset.
*Kate walks out with Harvey waiting. Mild Mannered Mike (Leslie Randall) was giving his latest sexual escapade at the age of 86*
Warlock: Brittain’s Hugh Heffner.
*Harvey and Kate make more bonding moments as a street band plays*
Warlock: Would have been fun if Harvey joined in.
*Kate asks how he and her daughter drifted. Harvey says somewhere down the line he woke up and knew he lost her and he didn’t belong in the house. He said he knew they were embarassed of him. He holds back tears as he says she’s better off with Brian and that he’s not a great father. She asks if the reception is still going on and he doesn’t know. She asks where it is, he says where it is and Kate says he has to go because its his daughter. He counters with they don’t want him there but Kate is insistent on it. Harvey wants her to go with him. Kate “I can’t go to a wedding in bloody green polyester*
Warlock” Better than a green suit, yellow tie, brown shoes and a red hat.
*Harvey offers to get her a dress and she’ll go. He says he’s not spending more than 200 pounds on a frock. We get a dress try on montage*
Warlock: Yeah, the obligatory dress try-on.
*Harvey and Kate make their way to the reception. They walk in and Jean is shocked. Susan walks over and Harvey says he didn’t go back to New York. Kate apologizes for gate crashing but Susan is glad to see her. Kate and Harvey are put at the children’s table. Pete gives the Best Man’s speech and says thanks to Susan for making Scott to complete*
Neyz: Awww that’s sweet.
*Next its the father of the bride’s turn to say a few words and Brian is chosen as Harvey looks distraught. Brian goes to make a speech and Harvey interrupts him saying the FATHER of the bride needs to say something*
Warlock: Hell yeah, step it up Harvey!
*Harvey asks to say something. Harvey says hi to everyone and say that the children of divorcees are effected the most. He says Susan managed to whether the storm and become an amazing woman. He says she looks beautiful, Scott’s a lucky guy and he’s looking forward to him being his son in law. He then says “Jean, I’m looking forward to grandparenting with you, no pressure Scott*
Warlock: Hahaha good one.
*He raises his glass to Scott, Susan and his family, then thanks Brian for letting him speak and for being there for Jean. Brian stands up and tells everyone to stand up to join them in a toast to the bride and groom. Harvey gets a standing ovation and we cut to the bridge and groom dance*
*Scott calls for Harvey for the father/daugter dance. Harvey graciously accepts and Susan thanks him for coming back and he’s grateful to be back. We go from a dance song to disco music. Harvey dances with Jean as Kate sits there*
Warlock: Don’t forget about her….by the way this was the disco song from Creepshow.
*Kate goes to step outside but not before putting a pillow under a child’s head. Harvey goes outside to get her. He notices her heading for the elevator so he runs to a nearby piano and plays for her*
Warlock: Hotel security runs over and tackles him forusing the piano without permission.
Neyz: Oh shut up.
*Kate asks if he wrote the music piece. He says yes. He doesn’t want her to go. He brings her on the dance floor to dance her socks off. We get a piano theme and a montage of dancing before Susan tosses the bouqet. Harvey hugs Susan and bids her goodbye, Susan says thanks to Kate before leaving. Kate asks if Harvey is alright and he says yes, let’s get out of there. They walk past the fountains with beautiful English scenery. Kate says she hasn’t been up all night since she was a student. Harvey asks why she’s getting sad. Kate says she was pregnant once but lost the baby. She sometimes thinks about if the baby would have turned out clever, funny, etc. Harvey tells her to meet at this exact spot at noon*
Warlock: They’re going to have an old west duel.
*Kate asks about his flight and Harvey says he doesn’t have to go. She asks why and he doesn’t answer. She says wait till tomorrow and he says today is tomorrow. Kate says they don’t know anything about each other and he’s a bit older than her. She can be mean, Harvey says he can too. She says she can be truly cantankerous. Harvey “Cantankerous, I’ve never been.” Harvey says he’ll be there at noon anyway. Kate kisses him goodbye and leaves*
Neyz: Awwww yayyyy.
*Kate smiles on the bus home. Harvey is happy as a clam the next day as he takes the stairs up to his hotel room. He then grunts and collapses. Meanwhile Kate buys grapes*
Warlock: And then she waddles away.
*Kate sits at the fountain waiting for Harvey as he tells the Doctor Butler (Jamien Sives) that he has a heart condition but he left his meds back home. They want to keep him overnight. Meanwhile Kate gets up and leaves*
Neyz: Awww so sad.
Warlock: I knew it had to have something go wrong.
*Maggie says the Polish neighbor gave her a smoked ham. Kate “Probably not a mass murderer.” Maggie “Probably not.” Kate leaves to go to work and Paddy calls her lovely again*
Warlock: Harvey may lose her to Paddy.
*After being discharged from the hospital, Harvey calls up Kate’s work looking for her. Oonagh answers and Kate tells her not to say she’s there. Harvey says its important and Oonagh covers saying she’s busy and won’t come. Harvey then gets a call from Marvin asking him to come back. Harvey says he’s not coming back and he quits. He hangs up and goes after Kate*
Warlock: Last chance Harvey.
*Harvey asks Aggie where to find Kate. Oonagh walks out and Harvey says he’s more than a friend. Oonagh reads him the riot act and tells him she’s at her writing class and he needs to hurry. Harvey runs off as Mild Mannered Mike reads his latest story*
Warlock: Is this erotic?
Neyz: Not even close.
*Kate walks out of her class and sees Harvey waiting for her. He explains he was in the hospital for his heart condition and Kate says her father had the same condition. Kate tries to leave but Harvey says what they have is real. Kate says she’s not a bloody swimming pool because she’s afraid of getting hurt. She walks away and cries. Harvey doesn’t budge. She sits down on a bench and Harvey walks over. She tries to explain herself when Maggie calls. She tells her not now and hangs up. Harvey makes her laugh. She asks how this is going to work. Harvey “I have absolutely no idea…..but it will. I promise you that.”
Warlock: They join a circus….or he plays the piano on the plane.
Neyz: That’s nonsense.
*Kate and Harvey walk together and Harvey calls her his kind of girl. He tells Kate to ask him the questions she was supposed to. She asks where his residence is, he says in transitions. End credits*
Neyz: *Claps* Awwww yayyyyy
Neyzor Blades Assessment: I liked it…6 out of 10
The Warlock’s Assessment: I thought it was great. I liked that there were no heel turns by James Brolin, the daughter, the fiancee or anyone. It was a simple romantic strory and it felt easy to sit through. Its a rom com so you can’t expect thriller, action or vulgarness. I give it a 7 out of 10 and worth a look.
Final Grade: 6.5 out of 10: Very Good
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Usually chicks flicks arent my style but I didnt mind this one. It wss a simple romance that wasn’t even romance. It was two lonely people looking for companionship and it wasn’t forced either. All in all its worth a look. That about wraps up another chick flicky adventure, have a pleasant evening.