*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, BLOODSPORT t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a gold chalice of Dr. Pepper*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t thinks so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock spots joggers running by and shoots a lightning bolt, missing them completely. He walks inside*
Warlock: Tonight’s movie is another IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE and thank magus its on Youtube otherwise nobody would know it exists anymore. The movie is called Kid and it was released in 1990 starring C Thomas Howell. This movie has never been released to DVD or blu ray so this is the only way to see this movie unless you feel the need to find the VHS on ebay.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: So without further adieu, let’s get to this ultra rare Kid.
Directed by John Mark Robinson
Written by Leslie Bohem
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “A mysterious man returns to his former hometown to take revenge on the locals who murdered his parents when he was a boy”
Warlock: I like revenge movies, this may be interesting.
*Opening credits in Arizona*
Warlock: Last movie I saw that was filmed in Arizona was Kingdom of The Spiders…uh oh.
*Greyhound bus drives by*
Warlock: The bus is tipped over, movie ends.
*Bus beeps its way into town going 50 miles per hour*
Warlock: What’s makin all that racket? Dad gummit.
*Kid (C Thomas Howell) gets off the bus in a trench coat, cool opening song while walking slow*
Warlock: This has a more upbeat vibe, this should be the end song after he’s killed all the bad guys. No problem, still a good song.
*Kid walks into the general store where the clerk stares at him*
Warlock: Strangers sure creepy ain’t they?
*Two good ol boys pester the clerk and take whatever they want. The clerk says their fathers are going to be told about this. The second good ol boy is named Pete (Damon Martin) and he knocks over a bunch of items*
Warlock: Love to see Kid just beat them stupid.
*The first guy knocks over a sunglasses mount right into Kid who stares at him and puts it back. He goes to pay for a beer. The clerk is named Al (Hank Kendrick) and the first good ol boy says “When you see my dad, tell him you’re selling to minors.”*
Warlock: Howell was a month away from 24 in real life when this movie was released.
*Al asks for ID, Kid says no, pays and leaves. Pete “You don’t look 21 to me” and Kid just stares at him before leaving. Kate (Sarah Trigger) walks by with her dog, Pete and good ol boy catcall her. Kid chills out by the motel*
Warlock: What’s the population for this town, 10?
*Truck pulls up to the motel and Metal Louie (Brian Austin Green) plays metal songs*
Warlock: He was 17 years old at the time, he’s the minor you have to watch out for.
*Louie plays a song and says its good, Kid shuts him up because he hears something. He shuts the music off and he hears a woman screaming. Louie and Kid run over and Good Ol Boy and Pete have taken Kate hostage and try to tie the dog to the train tracks with a train coming*
Warlock: Oh that’s just awful.
*The dog is trapped as Louie runs up and calls Pete a dick, he gets shoved down a hill. Kid runs up, knocks down Good Ol Boy with a mop that he snapped off a minute earlier and sticks the stick to the guy’s throat. Pete lets Kate go and she unties the dog. Kid lets Good Ol Boy go just before the train runs him over. He curses Kid who walks away. Louie “Dude’s a fucking force”
Warlock: That’s the best dialogue they could come up with?
*Kid walks out of a store*
Warlock: He looks like he’s going to kill someone.
*Kate and the dog walk up to Kid. Kate asks what he’s doing here. Kid says he’s there to meet her dog. She says its not his. The dog is named Johnson. She leaves*
Warlock: Everybody but the dog is unfriendly.
*Alice (Lenore Kasdorf) returns to the motel, she says she’s been gone for 3 weeks*
Warlock: Kid says “You could have at least took the trash out before you left, it stinks to high heavens!”
*Kid’s room is next to the office. Alice makes a Psycho joke but Kid stonefaces her. Kid buys a pack of cigarettes from the vending machine and is charged 11 dollars a night*
Warlock: Seems on par with Kingdom of the Spiders and this was 13 years later.
*Kid gives her 77 dollars and she wants him to sign his name but when she looks up, he’s gone*
Warlock: You just imagined the whole thing.
*Kid sits outside the motel, Good Ol Boy and Pete pull up, Boy says he’ll see him soon*
Warlock: Challenge accepted.
*Kid sees a man walk out of the General Store and his expression changes. Kid gets up and watches him walk into the ammo store while smoking*
Warlock: Excuseeeee me while I smoke.
*Kid walks into the Ammo Shop and the man is startled. Kid wants to buy a good knife. Kid asks if he likes handcuffs. Kid looks at a nearby picture of a few hunters, man says that’s him and a few buddies. They go hunting every year. Kid asks if they all still go, man says all but one. Man asks if he’s a hunter, Kid says he’s thinking about starting. He owes $36.47 for tennis balls, bugspray and a buck knife*
Warlock: A rare bargain. Love to see him throw the tennis balls at the clerk while singing the Thomas The Tank Engine theme.
*The power blows inside the ammo shop. The man hits the circuit breaker then goes to turn on a light when Kid handcuffs him using the cuffs Man talked about. He pulls the knife and tells him to remember. The man looks at Kid’s necklace and then figures it out. He says “No, it wasn’t me. You’re making a mistake. I didn’t do anything.* Kid then sprays the tennis ball with bugspray and shoves it in man’s mouth. The man slowly dies*
Warlock: That was pretty gruesome even though there was no gore.
*Next frame Kid throws the tennis ball, cuffs and other stuff in a dumpster fire as we get a flashback of a woman being murdered*
Warlock: Probably his mom or something.
*Alice asks if Kid is going to sit outside all night. Alice goes on about the town being dead before she goes back inside. Next frame Good Ol Boy and Pete barge into Kid’s room and start taking bats to the bed thinking he’s in it. He emerges from the bathroom with the top of the toilet and he bashes Pete in the head with it. Good Ol Boy says “You killed him!” Kid “He’ll live” and he pulls out a knife. Kid slashes him and says to get the hell out of there*
Warlock: They’ll be back, next time bring a gun.
*Someone knocks on Kid’s door the next day. He grab the lamp and opens the door. Its Kate. Kid thought it was one of her friends. She’s looking after the dog until her dad gets home. Her name is Kate Garvey. Kid says he’s there for the ocean there. She says the nearest ocean is two states away. Kid “Somebody lied.” Kate says she’s cooking dinner and invites him, he accepts*
Warlock: ITS A TRAP!
*Louie listens to I Like My Music Loud by Skull, he’s Kid’s chauffer that night*
Warlock: Bob Kulick wrote that song.
*Kid brings a brown paper back with him as he enters the truck. Kate cooks dinner as Louie pulls up. Louie is Kate’s brother and he’s concerned that Kid likes her. Louie lights up a cigarette and wants to talk mano e mano. If he wants half a chance to nail her, no matter how bad the food is, say its good. Kid looks at him funny*
Warlock: Dude that’s your sister.
*Kate is wearing a dress for the first time and Louie gives her shit for it*
Warlock: This chick can’t act, at least not here.
*Louie says his father hires cooks but they quit when they hear Louie’s music. Kate mentions its her mother’s recipe and asks what Kid’s name is. He doesn’t answer. Louie leaves and Kid pulls out a tennis ball for the dog. Kate has no idea where the dog is and it runs out. Kid tosses it a tennis ball. Kid bullshits her about why he’s here. She asks where he’s going after he leaves, he doesn’t know. She wants to go to Montana*
Warlock: How about Las Vegas?
*Kid reveals his parents are dead. Kate says her mom is gone, not dead, but gone. Louie leans out the window and says “If its too loud, you’re too old!” Kate volunteers to take Kid back to the motel. Next morning Alice knocks on his door*
Warlock: You’re under arrest for murder.
*Sheriff Luke (R Lee Ermey) pulls a shotgun on Kid and knocks him down with it*
Warlock: WHERE IS YOUR HONOR DIRTBAG?
*Luke asks what the bugspray and knife is for. “Pests….bigger pests” He hits him with the shotgun and introduces himself. Sheriff Luke Clanton hits him again and tells him to get out of town. Kid gets up and holds his ground. Luke starts trashing the place and Kid stonefaces him. Luke recognizes Kid and says he’s wanted, Kid says he’s never been wanted. Pete and Good Ol Boy run in, they’re brothers and Luke’s sons.*
Warlock: Saw that one coming.
*Pete says the ammo shop clerk is Walters (Michael Cavanaugh) and he was found dead on his toilet. Pete said the doc said he choked on his own puke. Luke says he’s gonna go check it out and when he comes back, Kid better be gone
Warlock: Kid leaves, movie is over.
*Alice tells Kid he has to leave because she doesn’t want trouble. Next frame is Louie listening to his walkman and jammin to Get A Life by Von Skeletor*
Warlock: They’re really dragging this into the ground.
*Kid is passed out in Louie’s garage, Louie rushes off to get Kate*
Warlock: You look just like I feel.
*Louie finally reveals Good Ol Boy is named Harlan (Michael Bowen)*
Warlock: A spry 37 at the time. Pete looks like he’s 21 and this guy is pushing 40.
*Kate cleans up Kid and takes his shirt off. Kate asks where he got his necklace, he says it belonged to his father. Kid apologizes for coming there and Kate tells him to take his pants off*
Warlock: I don’t think a cavity check is necessary.
*Kate says she just wants to do his laundry. The dog will stand guard*
Warlock: Neyz would say the dog won best supporting actor.
*Kate and Louie talk about Kid. Louie is skeptical about Kid especially since he doesn’t have a name. Louie grills Kate about not wanting anything to do with their mom yet went through her cookbooks to please Kid. Kate talks about her mom and how she loved them. Suddenly Kid screams NOOOOOO! and pops up. Louie says they need to wake him up*
Warlock: Looks pretty awake to me, sounds pretty awake too since he just shouted loud enough for Martians to hear it.
*Deeper flashback to Luke, Walters, Garvey (Dale Dye) and someone else stealing Dad’s (Fred Sugerman) necklace and saying THEY own the land, not Dad. Young Kid (Kyle Elliot Suzenski) watches his dad get murdered by Garvey*
Warlock: And there ya go. Kid’s back for revenge.
*Next morning Kid walks to the barn where Kate washes the horse. They share bonding moments while Kate says she looks after the ranch when her dad is gone. Kid has no idea how to ride*
Warlock: Would have been more badass if he did.
*Kate wants to take Kid riding sometime*
Warlock: If the movie didn’t make him look like a badass, it would be funny to see him fall off a horse.
*Louie puts on a record as Kid does pullups. Louie says rock and roll didn’t die with Bon Scott. Kid has no idea who Bon Scott is*
Warlock: He needs to be Thunderstruck.
*Kid “How do you listen to this shit?” Louie “Loud…REAL loud.” Kid shows him how to break someone’s head with duct tape. Kate says she’s going grocery shopping, Louie says to run Pete and Harlan over. Kid wants to go with her. Louie tosses him the duct tape. Louie “Just in case”
Warlock: Yeah, here we go.
*Clarke (Don Collier) the shopkeeper talks to Kate about how Walters is dead. Kid watches as Kate carries the supplies by herself. Kid asks Kate if she knew Walters, she says everybody knows everybody. Kate brings up her past and asks how man wears down. Kid goes on a monologue about how a slow burn can wear a person down and they’d have no room to feel anything else. Random shots of scenery*
Warlock: Least the scenery looks good……unless a hawk takes a shit or something.
*Louie loads up the truck, he plays in a local band. Kid wants to go see them. Louie hypes them up to be the second coming of Aerosmith and we cut to the bar…and its an old man folk band*
*The bartender (James Eric) pours a drink for Kid at the bar while Truck (Tony Epper) pushes someone around*
Warlock: I don’t see Patrick Swayzee doing security.
*Bartender playfully insults Louie as Louie strums away on stage*
Warlock: He looks like a girl with that camera angle.
*Bartender says if Louie plays better, he’ll give him a whole weekend. Louie then goes on an off the cuff guitar solo after the song is over*
Warlock: Vinnie Vincent approves.
*Kate says this is Louie’s last concert. When their dad gets back, if he finds out Louie is here, he’ll have Luke shut the place down*
Warlock: Kid will just smash them with a bat.
*Truck yells for the bartender, Kate calls him the local Bigfoot*
Warlock: Time for a fight.
*Kid stonefaces him and he unplugs the band’s amps. He yells at the bartender the pinball game is broken. Truck turns the pinball game over and breaks it. Bartender says better the machine than someone*
Warlock: Is everybody a fucking asshole in this town?
*Kate plugs the band back in and Kid is gone. Kid followed Truck home. Truck grabs his shotgun and searches around. Trruck opens the barn door and he opens fire behind him but there’s nobody there. He then looks at a dirty poster and goes to make dinner*
Warlock: Robert Irvine would puke.
*Kid locks Truck in the mobile home and pulls out the necklace. “Remember the Boogeyman?” Kid puts the key in the ignition and fires up the RV. He then sets it to go and it drives off a clif, exploding on impact*
Warlock: Oh yeahhhh
*Kid stares at the wreckage*
Warlock: 2 down, 2 to go.
*Back at the bar, Kate and Louie chill waiting for Kid. Kid returns and Louie says Eddie Van Halen got his start in a polka band*
Warlock: Yeah, before he was discovered by Paul Stanley, Lita Ford and Gene Simmons.
*Tom the Drunk (Anthony Russell) says Willie Nelson is shit because he never did hard time. Pete and Harlan walk in. Jack the Bartender says the bar is closed. Harlan “So what?” Kid and Harlan stare at each other. Pete grabs Louie’s guitar and says they still have hard feelings. Harlan says he forgives Kid, but Pete doesn’t. Harlan says Pete will fight Kid one on one. Jack says he doesn’t want any trouble in his bar and Luke walks in. Jack tells Luke to take it elsewhere and Luke says this is as good a place as any. Harlan says its Kid and Pete one on one, no toilet covers. If Pete falls, Harlan joins in*
Warlock: Reminds me of that asshole when I was younger that challenged me to a fight and said he was going to have 5 of his boys watching his back.
*Kid refuses to fight and Kate tells them to get lost. Louie says they’d get their ass kicked. Pete smashes Louie’s guitar and says “NOW do you want to fight?” Kid says yeah and decks Harlan. He then smashes Pete’s head into a table before he eats a right hand from a recovered Harlan. They trade right hands but Kid knocks him down with an uppercut. Luke pulls his sidearm on Kid*
Warlock: Oh sure…fair fight they said…one on one they said.
*Pete and Harlan get up and Luke calls them a disappointment. Luke says now that Kid checked out of the hotel that makes him a vagrant. He throws his handcuffs on the floor next to Kid and says to save them both the trouble and put them on*
Warlock: I would have kicked them back and said, try it yourself, if you can.
*Kate picks up the cuffs and says he’s staying with her and he’ll be there as long as he likes. Luke says her father won’t like that, Kate counters with her father won’t like what Pete did to Louie’s guitar. Some random goon (Caesar Pul De Trecco) runs in and says there’s a fire at thr quary*
Warlock: Awww man, this was getting good.
*Luke says Kid is bad luck. He tells Kate to make sure Kid is on the bus out of town tomorrow. Luke, Pete and Harlan leave as Louie drives Kate and Kid home. Louie “A fairly fun filled evening.”
Warlock: He has better dialogue than anyone else.
*Kid says he’ll be leaving tomorrow. He doesn’t want to cause Kate and Louie anymore trouble. She kisses him and says she can sleep with her without actually saying so. Kid stonefaces her when she walks away*
Warlock: Never turn down a good thing.
*Flashback to Truck and Walter shooting up Kid’s RV. His mom (Heather McNair) tells him no matter what, stay in the RV. Garvey asks where Kid is and she refuses. Walters shoots Mom in the throat and Garvey says there’s been a terrible accident here. Luke tosses a molotov cocktail into the RV and Kid makes it out just in time. Garvey gets Luke’s approval for this as we cut back to present time. Kid is standing in the exact spot where all this happened. Kate rides up on her horse*
Warlock: Now we have the full story.
*Kate assumes he likes it out there, Kid says no he doesn’t. Kid says his mom used to read him Robin Hood and The Hobbit. Kate says when she was 10, her mom left after watching her sleep. Kate had pancakes and syrup cooked by her dad who informed her mom wasn’t coming back. Kate says her bad dreams don’t make her scream like his does. Her dad is back and wants to meet him*
Warlock: And guess who daddy is.
*Her father is Garvey and Kid’s expression changed. Garvey thanks him and says he changed his mind and the dog can stay*
Warlock: Kate is about to be father-less.
*Garvey reveals Walters and Truck were his hunting friends. He asks if Kid hunts at all. Kid “Just a little.” Kate says hunting isn’t a sport and Garvey says she saw Bambi at an impressionable age*
Warlock: I still haven’t seen it.
*Garvey says the kids mean everything to him. Garvey explains hunting and Kid agrees that they’re responsible for what they do. Garvey says there’s something familiar about him and Kid stonefaces him. Garvey asks what about his people…his parents. Kid says they’re dead. Garvey says he has a right to ask questions. Garvey “Did you fuck my daughter?” Louie “Jesus.” Garvey “Don’t bullshit me, boy.” Kid turns to Kate “Thanks for letting me stay.” He gets up, stares a hole in Garvey and walks out. Kate runs out to apologize and Kid blows her off. Kid “Believe me Kate, you don’t want me to stay here.” Garvey stares at them as Kid walks off*
Warlock: 20 minutes left, let’s end this.
*Kid knocks on Alice’s door and asks for his room back. Alice says he can’t stay there. Kid says he’s owed. Alice says Forrest Garvey is worse than Luke. Alice says if she lets him stay they may burn the motel to the ground. Kid won’t take no for an answer until she asks what he did to make Garvey hate him so much. He goes to leave when Alice let’s it slip that Forrest abused Amanda, Kate and Louie’s mother. Kid asks why she stays in town, she says she moved to California once but it didn’t work out. Suddenly there’s a knock on Alice’s door, its Luke.*
Warlock: Too early for the finale.
*Luke says he’ll be by next week to have dinner with her before he leaves. Kid watches by the back door as Forrest pulls up and tells Luke “You just find the sonovabitch.”*
Warlock: Forrest knows, Luke is probably clueless.
*Bleeker (Don Starr) pulls Kid aside and says he knows who he is and what he’s done. He says he should have come by a lot sooner. We have a flashback of Young Kid blowing away the 5th hunting partner Jamie (Don Baker) when he was a kid. Bleeker saw Young Kid do it*
Warlock: That ties up the 5th hunting partner loose end that Walters was talking about.
*Jack the bartender pulls up and thanks him for beating up Pete and Harlan. He says the whole town is afraid of Luke*
Warlock: Wow, this is Quick and The Dead’s storyline a little bit only this came first.
*Luke is getting a shave fromBen the barber (James Eric) and Luke brags about going to Alice’s that night. Meanwhile Kid grabs the shotgun from Luke’s cruiser. Luke starts to figure out that someone is wiping out his hunting buddies. All of a sudden Kid walks in and puts a knife to Luke’s throat*
Warlock: We got 15 minutes left, this can’t be the end.
*Kid admits he killed Walters and Truck. He came to say goodbye. He has on his father’s necklace and Luke figures out who he is. Kid says he’s glad he figured it out before he died. He spins the barber chair around and walks out. Kid walks away slowly and Luke runs out. He grabs his shotgun and threatens Kid. Kid refuses to move and Luke fires, the gun backfires and blows Luke’s head off. The opening song plays again*
Warlock: See? I was right, this is better off as an end theme.
*Kid goes to the blown up trailer where this all began and Kate is waiting for him. Kate thought he might be there. She asks if this was where his parents died, he says this is where they were murdered. Suddenly Forrest appears with a rifle and says they had an accident. Forrest then says “You don’t forget the face of the man who killed your best friend.” Kate asks what’s going on. Forrest says Kid killed Jamie years back, Kid says to tell Kate why. He tells him to shut up*
Warlock: Yeah, tell your daughter you’re a murderer.
*Kid tells Forrest to tell Kate that he made his mother beg. Forrest goes to shoot him but Kate stops him, only to be thrown down. Forrest “You don’t understand a thing about this, just like your damn mother.” Kid springs to action with the knife and throws it, hitting Forrest in the chest. He then kicks him in the head and picks up the rifle. Kid says to tell Kate the truth. The truth was Forrest had Amanda Garvey put in a sanitarium so she wouldn’t squeal about the murder of Kid’s parents. Kate turns on Forrest and runs away. Forrest tells him to kill him. Kid lowers the rifle and says “You’re already dead.” He empties the rifle and throws the shells away. He leaves Forrest on the ground crying*
Warlock: So he went the babyface ending? Ugh.
*Kid returns to Kate’s room. She says she and Louie are going to search for Amanda. She asks what he’s gonna do, he has no idea*
Warlock: Pete, Harlan and Forrest are still alive…they can’t be happy.
*Louie loads up the truck as Kid watches. He asks if it was worth it, Kid doesn’t know. Out of nowhere a shot rings out that hits Kid in the shoulder. Pete and Harlan are there*
Warlock: Saw that coming a mile away, just killed their father.
*Pete and Harlan split up*
Warlock: Mr. America would hate this.
*Pete searches the barn where he’s strangled by Kid. “You guys just don’t listen.” Pete yells out for Harlan and Harlan trips over Pete. who’s all tied up. Kid pins Harlan down with a pitchfork and says its over and to let it go*
Warlock: Should have killed them.
*Forrest walks out of the house with a pistol. Forrest tells Kate and Louie to go inside. Louie asks why he sent Amanda away. He aims at Kid but Louie and Amanda shield him. Forrest says Kid ruined everything but Kate says no, he did before grabbing the gun and walking inside. Kid walks off after being patched up by Alice. Louie pulls up with Kate and asks if he’s alright*
Warlock: Almost got killed 3 times and killed 3 men. What do you think?
*Kate says they found her mom and they’re going to see her. They offer Kid a ride but he just hugs her. The dog stays behind and walks off with Kid. Restless Heart by Tattoo Rodeo plays over the end credits*
Warlock: I prefer the other song but still a good tune to end a great movie.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I fucking LOVED that movie. I give it an 8 out of 10. This was a modern day Quick and The Dead revenge story only without the gunfighting tournament and this came first. Howell was an emotionless badass the whole movie and it worked real well. The only one who bugged me was Kate but who cares? The story was great, the revenge was great, the soundtrack was great.
Final Grade: 8 out of 10 – Awesome
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: I have no fucking idea why this movie isn’t on DVD but this has to be my favorite IT CAME FRON YOUTUBE yet. Probably can only go down from here but this was well worth my time. I highly recommend his movie. That about wraps up another awesome adventure, have a pleasant evening.