*The Warlock opens the door to his lair, he’s wearing an Adidas New England Patriots #12 Tom Brady jersey, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a glass mug of Pepsi*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*A random football is thrown and he catches it one handed. He walks inside*
Warlock: It is Superbowl Sunday here at the Realm. Tonight the New England Patriots battle the Atlanta Falcons in Superbowl 51. Neyz and Mr. America will be here later but for now its movie time. Thug D is here for a personal favorite of his.
*Thug D is sitting in the recliner wearing a jean jacket with band patches on it, Armored Saint tshirt, black jeans, sneakers and Oaklies shades*
D: And tell them what that movie is.
Warlock: Tonight’s movie is Serpico the 1973 crime drama based on the real life story of Frank Serpico. Al Pacino plays the lead so it should be good.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: Let’s kick off Superbowl Sunday with Serpico.
Directed by Sidney Lumet
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “The true story about an honest New York cop who blew the whistle on rampant corruption in the force only to have his comrades turn against him”
D: Its a really good one.
*Movie opens with siren*
D: This movie is a real eye opener.
Warlock: I didn’t do it!
*Serpico (Al Pacino) is being driven to the hospital. We get an extreme closeup of a police officer who said he knows 6 cops who’d have like to have shot Serpico*
Warlock: News travels fast in 1973
*Shaky camera as Serpico is loaded on a gurney*
Warlock: Adds to the effect with a shaky camera. Makes it look first person.
*Serpico’s clothes are cut off*
Warlock: Why do they do that?
D: There is a reason, I just don’t know.
*Serpico in a flashback is sworn in*
Warlock: This was a year before Godfather 2 right?
*Sidney Green (John Randolph) says the two cops that found Serpico will be investigated*
Warlock: It sounds like he’s gonna make it.
*A whole host of cops show up to the hospiral*
Warlock: Jesus, everyone is in on this.
*Sidney holds Serpico’s hand. A flashback calls him Frank Serpico*
Warlock: He looks like Don Michael Corleone in the flashback without the beard and short hair.
*Serpico reports for his first day of duty. He’s wearing a flannel shirt*
Warlock: He’s wearing a flannel shirt, heh.
*Guy wants summonses*
D: What’s that, summonses?
*Serpico wants a roast beef on a roll. Peluce (Albert Henderson) tells him its free. They let Charlie off the hook from double parking so they get free stuff*
Warlock: That’s a racket.
*Serpico stops three black dudes from raping a woman*
Warlock: Of course….
*Serpico tackles one of the suspects*
D: Damn that was a jump.
Warlock: Sacked at the 5 yard line.
*Woman gives her side of the story at the station*
D: I wonder how seriously they took that back then.
Warlock: Unfortunately since she’s black, and its 1973, probably not.
*Cop kicks black kid in the stomach once everyone’s gone but Serpico*
Warlock: Ohhh yeahhhhhhhh
D: He deserved it.
*Cop asks the kid who the other two rapists were. Serpico leaves*
Warlock: He’s gonna go get a donut.
*Line of people arrested is 10 long*
*Serpico pulls black kid aside and says he wants to take him for coffee without cuffs. He says if he tries to run, he’ll shoot him in the back. Serpico wants to know who the other guys were*
Warlock: Good cop, bad cop.
*Serpico says he’s got the other two kids and the dispatcher blows him off*
D: Everybody is a slob except for Serpico. We just wear this uniform to pick up chicks.
*Serpico dressed as a bum arrests the two guys the other kid pointed to. Serpico is denied the collar*
D: Everybody gets to be fat, he gets fucked.
*Serpico plays with kids on the street with an open fire hydrant*
D: Won’t see that no more.
Warlock: What are they gonna do, arrest him?
*Serpico visits Pasquale (John Medici). They share bonding moments as Serpico wants to move to Greenwich Village. Pasquale says “Not good enough for the old neighborhood*
Warlock: Its a dump.
*Cop “I have an announcement”
D:You’re all fired.
*Serpico has a mustache and longer hair*
D: Starting to look more like a hippie.
*Serpico goes over fingerprints too slow for Barto (Ed Crowley). Serpico tells him to stop bugging him*
*Serpico’s mom (Mildred Clinton) hands him a Savings checkbook. He hugs her*
D: They can subtitle the whole movie but not that?
Warlock: I know enough Italian to know she pretty much said “Here’s some money, its not much.”
*A couple offers Serpico a puppy to buy*
Warlock: Neyz would love that.
*A woman sells one for 5 bucks*
D and Warlock: FIVE BUCKS!!!
*Serpico tells the couple to watch the car and his stuff since he’s moving in. He gives the dog water*
D: He’s gonna get robbed.
*Serpico takes Leslie (Cornelia Sharpe) on a date. She asks why he has a gun. He says they have to eat*
*Serpico and Leslie dance in the rain*
Warlock: He’s no Gene Kelly.
*Barto makes fun of Serpico. Serpico dishes it back*
Warlock: Now I know why they call him a weirdo cop.
*Lt Steiger (James Tolkan) watches Serpico do ballet*
Warlock and D: He never really did have hair!
*Serpico and another cop beaver watch*
Warlock: Watch out for Porky’s.
*Steiger asks if Serpico went down on the other cop. Captain McClain (Biff McGuire) says Steiger thinks he’s gay. Serpico says he’s been there two years and nothing good has happened*
D: In those days, yeah of course they’d think he’s gay. If you had a slightly off-colored shirt you’d be considered gay.
*Serpico brings groceries home with Leslie and Alfie the dog. Some woman calls him Paco. He tells her to call him Paco too*
Warlock: Wish they’d have graphics to show what year it is.
*At a party, Serpico tells Leslie that all her friends are going places. He tells her not to tell anyone he’s a cop. Black dude tells him that Leslie is a mind fucker*
*Serpico chills with various girls at the party*
Warlock: This was the 70’s before aids and what anyone knew the horrors of cocaine.
*Serpico drunk off his ass talks about his sheepdog pissing into a gondola*
*Serpico reports for duty, he’s demanded to shave and get a haircut. He refuses and Captain Tolkin (Gene Gross). Serpico says he dresses like that so he can hide out among civilians. Tolkin lets him wear what he wants*
Warlock: Now he’s dressed like a railroad worker.
*Serpico spots a black guy sneaking into a window. He then gets knocked over by the dude. He runs off before he tackles the kid to the ground*
Warlock: To the 40, to the 30, to 20, to the 10 and he’s brought down at the 5.
*Two uniformed officers shoot at him. Serpico yells at them for shooting at him without identifying themselves. The cop wants the collar so he doesn’t have to fill out paperwork. Serpico tosses him the cuffs*
Warlock: He should have said no.
*Guy hands out a joint at a marijuana awareness class*
D: “Hmm,smells like the stuff I have at home”
*Guy takes a hit and is high off his ass, laughing at a vending machine*
*Guy says he goes straight to detective, not 4 years on the streets. Next frame is Serpico and Leslie bathing together*
Warlock: Ah the 70’s pointed tits. This is no longer the worst movie of all time.
D: It never was!
*Leslie wants to get married but she’s got work in Amarillo. She’ll ask Roy*
D: If he went to Texas, they’d be a lot stricter.
Warlock: They’d shoot him on sight.
*Jewish Max sends Serpico a letter. Back at home he stuffs it inside a book. He goes to call from his house phone but stops and calls from a payphone instead*
Warlock: Good thinking.
*Serpico and his friend says to go to Inspector Kellogg (John McQuade). Guy tells him to trust him. They hand the money to Kellogg and Kellogg says this is how things used to go in the bad old days. Kellogg says they can go in front of a grand jury if he presses charges and end up in the East River. Serpico “So what do I do with this?”
Warlock: Take it!
*Serpico tells his Sarge about the envelope of money. Sarge takes it*
Warlock: Should have just donated it.
*Serpico listens to opera on the patio. His neighbor Laurie (Barbara Eda-Young) recognizes the song. Serpico invites her for coffee and flirts with her badly*
Warlock: That’s his game?
*Serpico walks Alfie with McClain*
Warlock: The dog is gonna be 7 feet tall by the end of the movie.
*Roy Palmer (Bernard Barrow) is going to help Serpico. McClain calls Serpico as Serpico records it. Palmer says the precinct is clean as a hound’s tooth*
Warlock: A what?
*Serpico goes to a new precint. Morales and Smith (Nathan George) introduced. Tom Keough (Jake Kehoe) extorts somebody*
Warlock: This movie is moving too quickly.
*Keough hands Serpico his cut and Serpico refuses it. Tom “Who can trust a cop who doesn’t take money?”
*Tom says they’re skimming gambling money. Serpico says do what he wants, he just doesn’t want to be apart of it. Tom says the blacks and hispanics are dumb but Italians can be trusted*
D: Three weeks later he’s fired.
*Tom tells him the whole scam that goes on. Next frame is Serpico telling his tale to Laurie*
Warlock: We’re an hour into the movie and we don’t have a point yet.
*Serpico asks Laurie if she likes cops*
D: He’s the only honest cop in town.
*Laurie tells a story about a king and his kingdom. Basically he should take the money*
Warlock: Well that’s a horrible message to the kids.
*Don Rubello (Norman Ornellas) looks at Serpico weird because he has a mouse. Serpico says its his partner. He sniffs out heroin and fixes holes*
Warlock: Hahahaha useful mouse.
*Rubello says they’re going to bust the numbers guy*
D: But first we have to stop by the hooker ring I’m running.
*Rubello admits how the scam works. They spot the numbers guy*
Warlock: Notice its always a black guy.
*Rubello backs down the entire street, Serpico freaks out*
Warlock: He backed down the entire street, that’s hilarious.
*Rubello chases the guy, Serpico follows. They find him in the bathroom. Rubello gives him a swirlie and asks for the money*
Warlock: What is this, high school?
*Vernon is the guy’s name. Rubello says have the 300 dollars by tonight or else. Rubello takes Serpico back to his apartment. Rubello has the briefcase of money. Rubello says he’ll hold Serpico’s cut for him. Serpico stonefaces him*
Warlock: We’re jump cutting too much.
*Serpico meets with McClain. Commissioner Delaney (Charles White) wants Serpico to be his eyes and ears on this sting operation. McClain says Delaney will keep in touch with him on his own time*
Warlock: Finally, a point. Only took an hour and 5 minutes.
*Rubello was transferred so Al Sarno (Ted Beniades) is his new bagman. Sarno freaks out in the car because he doesn’t want to get caught. He says he tried to get out but they wouldn’t let him*
Warlock: Trying to cram 5 years worth of stuff into two hours.
D: Cinderella supermarket, haha.
*Sarno hands Serpico his cut and Serpico refuses it. Sarno looks at him funny. Serpico then calls McClain that they know he doesn’t take money. McClain says there’s nothing he can do and hangs up. Serpico tells Laurie and Blair (Tony Roberts) about it. Blair says to go to the mayor’s right hand man Berman (Lewis J Stalden). Blair and Serpico meet Berman and tells him their tale. Serpico wants a real investigation. Berman is amused that McClain and Delaney have done nothing. Serpico says they have a meeting in a few days*
Warlock: Who says he’s not in on it too?
*Serpico tells Laurie about Berman going to the Mayor. He hugs her and celebrates*
Warlock: Not unless he’s capped first.
*Berman meets with Serpico and Blair, the Mayor refused to investigate. Serpico walks out on Berman. Serpico goes home and says “They’re all rotten. Chickenshits. The whole fucking system is corrupt.” Blair says he’s behaving like a child. Serpico refuses to blame Blair for this but still insults him. Blair insults him back. Blair says they can go to the New York Times and Serpico scoffs. Blair asks if Serpico trusts him and Serpico says no. Blair tells him to go fuck himself and leaves. Serpico yells at Lauire and feeds a cockatoo*
Warlock: He’s got a cockatoo, a mouse, a dog…..its Neyz 40 years ago.
*Serpico kisses Laurie then goes to work. A group of officers ask him what happened with Rubello. Serpico says Rubello has his money. Serpico refuses to take money still. He later tells Laurie that if the cops went straight, they’d clean up the streets*
Warlock: They don’t WANT the clean streets. They’d make no money.
*Laurie and Serpico yell at each other. Laurie says he’s either catatonic or exploding and she hates what he’s become. Serpico yells at her to leave*
Warlock: He’s being a dick.
*A midget is the drop guy*
D: Its a midget.
*Serpico busts a big time numbers guy and finds a gun in his glove compartment. Corsaro (Richard Forojny) was the dude’s name and Smith took him upstairs. He yuks it up with the other officers until Serpico shows up. He freaks completely out, beats up Corsaro, rips the guys clothes off and throws him in a cell*
D: “SIT DOWN MOTHERFUCKER!”
*Dispatch dude brings up Corsaro’s record and Serpico looks it over. He taunts all the guys and says Corsaro did 15 years for killing a cop*
*Serpico meets with McClain and he wants out. Serpico says he’s going to outside agencies and McClain yells at him not to. Serpico says he doesn’t care anymore. “Its my life, you fuck!” Seprico has to meet with Palmer and the boys. Daley (George Ede) and Gilbert (John Lehne) ask why they didn’t come to them sooner. They tell him Delaney hasn’t heard a thing*
Warlock: So McClain is dirty.
*They ask him who he’s spoken to outside the department. Serpico figures it out and stones them cold. Serpico says he may cooperate if he’s not involved. Serpico wants Palmer alone and asks why they told everyone. Gilbert and Daley go to Delaney and he tells them Chief Gallagher will handle it*
Warlock: You’re all fired!
*Delaney admits that he spoke to McClain. Later he admits that Smith is holding his money. Palmer says they’ll transfer him. Serpico “Fuck him, transfer me!” Smith gets hot and frisks him at the station*
Warlock: They know.
*District Attorney Tauber (Allan Rich) wants Serpico to testify in this investigation. Serpico says he’s not going to testify. He says they’re throwing a few cops to the wolves to protect Delaney who’s known about this for years. We jump cut to Laurie leaving Serpico a note. He runs to the coffee shop to see her*
Warlock: You had it coming.
*Laurie says she’s leaving Serpico. She doesn’t want to be blamed if he quits. He says he’ll be the father of her kids. She calls him out on it and says he’ll never say it again. She walks out on him and he runs after her*
Warlock: He had it coming, he told her to split.
*Laurie runs away from him and he chases her down. She says its finished. Chief Green yells at Serpico for not trusting him. Serpico says Kellogg, Delaney, etc gave him a runaround. Green says he started as a Jew in an Irish Catholic department having dreams they march over him*
*Serpico goes to a firing range*
Warlock: He’s trying to write his name in the wall
*Serpico is asked by Lombardo what he’s going to say. Serpico stones him cold.”Fuck you, Frank!” DA Tauber stones Serpico at the inquiry and Serpico is pissed they didn’t include Kellogg and Delaney. Tauber says there’s gonna be a gold shield in it for Frank. Serpico figures out he’s a marked man. Next frame Serpico buys a 14 shot clip for a gun. Delaney says Serpico is a fag and Tayber wants a gold shield for him. Delaney says not while he’s in charge*
Warlock: Everybody is in on it.
*Guy mouths off to Serpico and Serpico takes him down and pulls his gun on him*
D: Guy deserved that.
*Inspector Lombardo (Edward Grover) asks who he wants to work with. Serpico says no one will work with him, Lombardo says he will. Serpico shakes his hand*
*Lombardo and Serpico scope out the lookouts, they find three of them. They infiltrate a stakeout and bust through a window with a trash can. They try to burn the evidence but Serpico and Lombardo stop it just in time. The leader admits he paid off Manhattan already. Later on Lombardo goes to his boss who stones them cold. He’s trying to protect Delaney. Serpico then calls Blair and says he wants to go to the Times*
Warlock: They’re just jump cutting all over the place.
*Blair doesn’t know if it will work. Serpico goes to Lombardo for help. Lombardo says he doesn’t know what he’d do if he left the force. Next frame is Serpico, Blair and Lombardo celebrate when their story hits the front page of the Times. Delaney denies it and Serpico has been busted to patrolmen in Brooklyn South. Lombardo tells him to be careful*
Warlock: Well that failed.
*Serpico’s partner (F Murray Abraham) tells him what goes on in Brooklyn and not to fuck around*
Warlock: Its F Murray Abraham.
D: Holy shit it is.
*Serpico is on the roof of a drug bust. Limbo is the main guy. Serpico’s partner makes the bust. Serpico says he saw Limbo make the buy. Partner and Serpico go to bust Limbo. Seprico sticks is head in the door and gets shot in the face*
Warlock: They set him up. Notice how they didn’t do anything.
*Serpico is wheeled into the hospital alive. The doctor says the bullet didn’t hit the brain or spinal chord. His condition is stable. Blair and Lombardo wait outside as Mrs and Mr (Sal Carollo) are brought in to check on him. Meanwhile Commissioner Green visits Serpico. Green reads Serpico’s fan mail of every cop in New York wanting him dead. Serpico says to get the cops away from his door*
Warlock: Everyone wants him dead.
*Green hands Serpico a gold shield*
Warlock: “Wipe your ass with it!”
*Serpico asks what its for then goes on a rant saying he got it for being shot in the face. He tells Green to tell them to shove it. Green leaves it on his chest anyway. Doctor gives him the news his left ear is mostly deaf, his left side will feel stiff. Blair leads Serpico to a cruiser where he makes his testimony at the grand jury. Serpico says all he wants is the corruption to end*
Warlock: And thus, Internal Affairs is born.
*Serpico and Alfie sit on a curb as a graphic reads Serpico resigned from the NYPD in 1972 and is living somewhere in Switzerland*
D: Guess he’d have to move to Switzerland.
Warlock: Yeah, every cop in NY wanted him dead.
Thug D’s Assessment: I give it a 10 out of 10, one of the best of all time despite its length. He was coming off The Godfather which means all of his movies were gonna be fucking long.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it an 8 out of 10. The jump cuts and lack of names of most involved kind of ruined it since I was going “Who’s this guy?” half the movie. Everything else was perfect with outstanding acting and a plot you can easily follow. The birth of Internal Affairs is interesting when it happened this way.
Final Grade: 9 out of 10 – Classic
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: That was a great, great movie. There were some things that bugged me but for the most part it was damn good. The acting was top notch even if the jump cuts and lack of names were annoying. Still, it was damn good and its definitely worth a watch. That about wraps up another classic adventure. Hopefully the Patriots win tonight so I don’t have to watch A Serbian Film.
*Mr. America sticks his head in the door*
America: You haven’t forgotten what happens if you lose right? Hahahahaha
Warlock: D, shut the door on his head. Everyone else, have a pleasant evening.