*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, THE HOWLING t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a small soup pot of Dr. Pepper*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock
*Warlock shoots fire into the sky and walks inside*
Warlock: Tonight we delve back into IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE but with a purpose. Last time I caught Cyber Tracker, a good but not great b-movie. Tonight I’m doing the highly unanticipated sequel CYBER TRACKER TWO!!!
*Camera pants to empty couch and recliner as cricket noises are heard*
Warlock: Yes I’m doing this solo, no sense having anyone over to watch the sequel if they didn’t see the first movie. The first movie was pretty much a Robocop and Terminator storyline combined into one only without the babyface Robocop. This time the Tracker technology has fallen into the hands of a crooked arms dealer. Don Wilson and Stacie Foster are here to save the day!
*Warlock takes his seat in the recliner*
Warlock: So let’s get this over with. Cyber Tracker 2
Directed by Richard Pepin
Written by Richard Preston Jr
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “A secret service agent battles an arms dealer who is creating a cyborg army”
Warlock: Kind of makes the first story moot if people weren’t freaked out enough by the cyborg senator.
*Opening credits are in a fire*
Warlock: Feel my heat, taking you higher, burn with me, heaven’s on fire.
*A speedboat is on the high seas. Two henchmen are with Eric Phillips (Don “Dragon” Wilson) on their way to an oil rig*
Warlock: Like right out of Dr. No. If nothing else this takes away from the run-time.
*Eric is selling a briefcase to Rico Anteres (Vincent DePalma). His partner Nelson (Frank Uzzolino) stands next to him and says they don’t fuck around. Swain (Tony Burton) on the radio says not to move until he gives the signal*
Warlock: Tony Burton in the house!
*Pruitt (Nils Allen Stewart) stands next to Nelson and Rico*
Warlock: This guy is a henchman in EVERY movie.
*Rico shills the counterfeit money scheme they got going. Eric says he’ll give him 2 million and Rico wants 3. Eric tosses Rico the briefcase and demands it be counted*
Warlock: There’s a red flag right there.
*Pruitt opens the briefcase and a supersonic sound along with what looks to be a playing card dispenser starts throwing money everywhere. Swain says to move in. The police shows up and raid the warehouse. Eric takes Nelson hostage. The thugs have regular guns but the cops have lazer weapons*
Warlock: Went from guns to lazers in one year?
*Eric says he’s a federal agent and to surrender. Rico says “Fuck you” and blows away Nelson who Eric was using as a human shield. Eric caps a bunch of henchmen as Rico tells Pruitt to get rid of Nelson*
Warlock: Just like Mr. America hates splitting up, I hate “Take out your own guy”. Less work for the good guys.
*Rico tells every henchmen to take out the cops, he wants Eric dead. Pruit laughs like a maniac as he shoots at Eric. A whole bunch of cars blow up as Eric jumps around*
Warlock: Getting right into the action with a whole bunch of explosions. Guess they didn’t want to waste any time bringing the action.
*More cops show up but are dispatched by an explosion. Rico corners Eric and taunts him saying its time to die. An unnamed shooter from behind the wall blows away Rico with an uzi. Tracker 9 (Jim Maniaci) steps out from behind the wall*
Warlock: Oh ha ha ha of course. Eric spends the whole first movie trying to shut the Trackers down and now he’s working with them. Makes all the sense in the world.
*Tracker 9 “Your miserable life force has been terminated”. Eric “Number 9, good to see ya.” Tracker “Glad to be of service Captain Phillips.” He tosses Eric a gun and Eric says to call him Eric. Tracker says his programming doesn’t allow informal greetings. Eric tells him to secure the warehouse, he’ll find Pruitt*
Warlock: Henchman outlasts the boss, didn’t see that one coming.
*More officers arrive but are shot down. Tracker 9 starts laying waste to the remaining henchmen*
Warlock: As if the first movie didn’t borrow ideas from Robocop, now they’re outright stealing the concept.
*Tracker 9 blows away the warehouse. More henchmen go flying as we’re down to Eric and Pruitt. Eric kicks him and the fight is on*
Warelock: Not exactly Richard Norton but it’ll do.
*Eric wins the fight with a roundhouse kick. Eric is congratulated by Swain as Tracker says coast is clear. Swain says to report back to Presinct 7. Swain says to go back to his place for some soul food but Eric counters saying Connie (Stacie Foster) will be home soon*
Warlock: Glad to see she’s back.
*Swain asks if his niece going to pass her exam. Eric says she should. Swain asks when he’ll start his own family, Eric says he’s working on it*
Warlock: He’s not tapping Connie? What the fuck?
*Agnes 3000 (Peggy McIntaggart) tells Eric about the day she had. Eric says he got married, bought a house and still comes home to cold pizza. Agnes said he married a career woman*
Warlock: Better bow down on both knees, if you marry someone with no career, they ask YOU what’s for dinner and you’ll be lucky to get cold pizza.
*Eric watches the news as Connie comes home. Tracker 9 gets all the credit while Connie is miffed about using Trackers*
Warlock: Yeah really, anyone remember the first movie?
*Connie says the Tracker technology has been leaked. Connie yells at Eric for being in the line of fire*
Warlock: He got enough of that from his first wife.
*Mini romance scene*
Warlock: Short, but…pointless.
*Eric gets a knock on the door. Its Swain’s niece Amanda (Eboni Adams) who’s there to study for her black belt test. Eric is mad because its 6:30 in the morning and Connie tells her not to pay attention because he’s grouchy before he has his coffee*
Warlock: I know that feeling.
*Jared (Steve Burton) calls and says they got a meeting. Connie leaves*
Warlock: WAIT WAIT WAIT! He died in the first movie! How the hell is he here? Did the writer of this movie not see the first???
*Eric’s dog steals the morning paper*
Warlock: Ah the good ol days of newspapers….completely obsolete by 2015 or whenever this movie is set.
*Amanda says she knows how to defeat computer simulations. Eric is unimpressed*
Warlock: Computers aren’t unpredictable like humans. What if she fights a guy sitting down in yoga position?
*A mysterious red van parks outside Connie’s work.Governor Quincy (Dave Aranda-Richards) and his aide (Caroline Kim) is welcomed by the press. Meanwhile Amanda leaves Eric and Eric puts on the news. Meanwhile Jared, his assistant and Connie arrive at the press conference*
Warlock: This mirrors the first movie.
*Quincy supports large development loans and the tax increase, its an investment in the future of their state and children. Connie then pulls out a gun and shoot the Governor and Jared’s assistant dead before walking out*
Warlock: What in the name of fuck???
*Eric watches in disbelief as Connie commits the murders. Connie walks out as we get stock footage from the shootout in the first movie*
Warlock: Ok now this is getting lazy. You couldn’t afford to film a shootout so you insert stock footage?
*A whole gaggle of thugs are killed as Connie enters the red van. It drives off as a woman waits on the roof. The police chase after the red van. The woman pulls out a remote controller and moves the TV van with it*
Warlock: Oh boy, a chase scene.
*Woman on the roof blows a police van with the controller*
Warlock: They sureeeeee do love explosions.
*Jared calls Eric and says that wasn’t Connie. Eric says he figured as much but doesn’t know who or what it was*
Warlock: Unless it was a heel turn completely out of nowhere, which would be interesting, the whole “cyborg replacement” storyline isn’t as interesting.
*Jared realizes he’s going to be tied to Connie because of his UHR past and Eric says to meet him at the park. Meanwhile Swain is at his desk when the new Chief of Police (Christopher Kreisa) and Acting Governor Damien Rhodes (Stephen Rowe) walk in. Quincy is dead and now Rhodes is in charge. Rhodes wants Connie tracked as a terrorists. Swain correctly points out Connie exposed the conspiracy to overthrow the government in the last movie. Rhodes says once a terrorist, always a terrorist*
Warlock: Remember the video game Chrono Trigger where you go to the past to stop Yakra who was impersonating the Chancellor then later in the game the present Chancellor is just as much of an asshole, then its revealed to be that generation’s Yakra? Yeah….getting that kind of vibe here. if Senator Dilly was an android, who says Governor Rhodes isn’t either?
*Rhodes says Connie is the assassin and Swain says it can’t possibly be here. Rhodes and Chief send out a direct order to send Tracker 59 after her. Swain reluctantly sends out Tracker 59 (same actor) with more stock footage from the first movie*
Warlock: Good way to save money, still lazy.
*Paris Morgan (Anthony De Longis) is greeted by Rubens, the scientist*
Warlock: Gotta love how they loved this guy so much they didn’t even put him in the credits.
*Rubens reveals the Super Tracker (Peter Kent) in cryo-statis and says he’s the ultimate killing machine. Paris says Tripwire was wasted on the police force. Rubens then constructs the face on the Super Tracker. Connie walks in with Vickers (Stephen Quadros) and pays off Paris. She leaves and Paris tells Vickers to tie up their loose end and make it look like an accident*
Warlock: So it was a heel turn, lovely.
*Jared meets Eric and Eric says the police don’t know anything. Eric figures out somebody built a Tracker in the form of Connie, they just have to find the real one*
Warlock: There’s your plot.
*The real Connie is tied up at a gas station. Vickers shows up and says to fry her to some henchmen. The henchmen ask why shouldn’t they have killed her earlier, Vickers correctly points out the forensics would match up the time of death before Quincy was killed*
Warlock: Wow these guys are morons except for Vickers.
*Vickers tells his two cronies not to go overboard since she needs to be identified. Henchmen one goes to set gasoline everywhere and Connie punches him out. The second one finds the first and Connie takes him out too. His lit cigarette lights the place and Connie makes it out in time in the red van before KABOOOOOOOOOOM*
Warlock: If there was an explosion drinking game, I’d be passed out by now.
*Real Connie calls Eric and says where her location is….which Tracker 59 picks up. Eric says to meet at the park. Eric tosses Jared a gun and says a Tracker will be tracing her*
Warlock: Good call Eric.
*Tracker 59 tracks Connie using footprints*
Warlock: That technology IS active at this time.
*Connie sits at the park when Tracker 59 arrives. She is to be executed NOW…..except Jared and Eric plow into Tracker 59 with a car and run him over. Eric runs out and hugs Connie as Tracker gets up. Eric identifies himself and says to stop. Tracker tells him that he has no authority and to step aside. Jared then starts plugging 59 from behind. Tracker unloads on Eric’s car as Connie and Eric hop into Tracker’s humvee and drives off. Tracker 59 commandeers a bank van which a bank guard in the back to follow. Jared follows in Eric’s car close behind*
Warlock: Oh boy, another chase scene.
*Eric makes Connie takes the wheel as Eric mans the mounted turret on the back and starts blowing away police cars*
Warlock: Oh yeah, the government will forgive that for sure….
*Eric takes down the van as Jared from a bridge tells them to come on. The guard in the back of the van crawls out. Tracker 59 says he’ll be compensated for it*
*Paris is told by Vickers that Connie got away. Paris punches him and Vickers fights back. Paris gets the upper hand and snaps his neck*
Warlock: “Take out your own guy”….I hate it.
*Paris tells Kessel (Athena Massey) to take care of Connie. She says consider it done*
Warlock: Woman on the roof earlier.
*Rubens calmly tells Paris to calm do and says he’s never let him down*
Warlock: First time for everything.
*Jared, Eric and Connie find their friend Tripwire (John Kassir) and use his place as a safehouse*
Warlock: For those that don’t know, that’s the voice of the Crypt Keeper from Tales From The Crypt.
*Tripwire was the UHR explosions expert and Trip asks if they’ll see action again*
Warlock: Another gaping wide plothole. The entire UHR was wiped out including Jared in the first movie. This guy obviously wasn’t there, was he on vacation that week in Aruba?
*Tripwire says he’s got backup they can call and to follow him downstairs to his armory. He’s developed a gun that can actually take out a tracker. Connie tells Eric that she hates this. One minute she’s late for work and the next she’s wanted for murder. Eric says he’ll call Swain and try to get him to get her off. She doesn’t think it will work*
Warlock: The sad part is if this happened in real life, social media would have devoured the Cyber Trackers after the first movie.
*Swain tries to access the Cyber Tracker technology but Rubens cuts him off. Paris says its Swain. Swain writes down something on a notepad*
Warlock: His handwriting is worse than mine.
*Paris asked if Swain got anything, Rubens says he might have. Rubens asks what they’re going to do and we cut back to Swain. His door pens and Eric walks in. Swain knows Connie is innocent but they have no evidence. Eric wants the Tracker called off and Swain says he can’t. Eric says to change their program from execute to capture. Swain says he can do that*
Warlock: Well hurry the hell up then!
*A tracker designed to look like Eric walks in and blows away the reception desk cops*
Warlock: There’s your answer Rubens.
*Tracker Eric wipes out the whole police force as real Eric and Swain make their escape*
Warlock: Guess the writer of this movie is a big fan of Terminator.
*Chief takes shots at Tracker Eric but is not wounded. Finally Swain and real Eric shoot Tracker Eric in the back. Real Eric figures out he’s here to kill Swain. Eric drags Swain away as Tracker Eric follows*
Warlock: They need Tripwire’s gun.
*Tracker 23 (same actor) shows up and says Tracker Eric is to be executed now*
Warlock: Oh boy, Tracker vs Tracker…..ripping off Terminator 2 now.
*23 and Tracker Eric unload their guns at each other. Then they go one on one as Eric and Swain escape. Tracker Eric rips 23’s arm off and decapitates him with it*
Warlock: Tracker Eric wins…flawless victory.
*Tracker Eric grabs Eric through the window but he uses Tripwire’s gun to drop him*
Warlock: He had it in the car the whole time?
*Eric drives off as a police cruiser pulls up. Tracker Eric leaves*
Warlock: Now they’re really in trouble.
*Tracker Eric follows Eric and Swain in a cruiser*
Warlock: Oh boy, another chase scene.
*Eric and Swain jump out of the car and it goes flying with Tracker Eric’s car behind it….both of them explode*
Warlock: Jesus H Christ does everything instantly explode in this movie?
*Tracker Eric walks out and plugs all the cops as Eric and Swain limp away*
Warlock: Can they rip off Terminator 2 any more?
*Tracker Eric is hit by a mack truck as Swain says he’s down. Eric pops up unharmed as we cut to Rhodes and a throng of police and reporters watching Tracker Eric wipe the place out. Rhodes says Eric is now on the wanted list with Connie*
Warlock: Of course….
*Tripwire has the entire safehouse rigged to blow. Jared asks why. Tripwire says if a Tracker gets in there, its not leaving in one piece*
Warlock: Insane, yet good idea.
*Jared asks about them. Tripwire says “What about us?” Connie watches on the news of Tracker Eric shooting up the police station. Real Eric and Swain walk in and they tend to him. Jared asks what that was about, Eric says Swain was getting too close to hacking the Cyber mainframe. Tripwire “This means war.”
Warlock: Hope he really does blow Tracker Eric skyhigh.
*Rhodes reveals he’s the one who’s been paying off Paris to wipe out people. He wants Connie, Swain and Eric dead. Rhodes and Paris shout at each other. Meanwhile Tripwire throws darts at the c-4 with Mr Potato Head accessories on it*
Warlock: C-4 can’t be detonated without a detonator, he’s just doing it to freak out Jared.
*Rhodes’ assistant Blair (Kathryn Atwood) wants a progress report on Connie and Eric while Rubens has fixed Tracker Eric. Blair is instructed to call Rhodes, and she does. Paris grabs the phone, shoots Blair and says he wants Rhodes there tonight*
Warlock: Eric won’t have to kill anyone at this rate.
*Rubens laughs and says Paris is gonna kill Rhodes. Paris tut-tuts him and says to clean up the mess. Ruben says sure but first look at what he created. Super Tracker is ready but needs one final program. Meanwhile back at the safehouse, Tripwire has called for backup*
Warlock: Oh boy, random goons. Nobody is named, no development.
*Swain says he wrote down address and says the evidence is there. Connie says it has to do with Rhodes, Swain says Paris is the mastermind. Paris used to be a special forces ace but then went for the money*
Warlock: These guys sure are smarter than your average dumbasses.
*Eric wants Jared to look after the safe house as he checks out the address. Meanwhile Rubens has Tracker Eric reprogrammed to kill Rhodes. Rhodes himself goes to Cybercore’s lab with Eric following behind. Kessel blows him off and Tracker Eric walks in and kills him and his bodyguards*
Warlock: This is unbelievable. I don’t think Eric’s capped anyone yet.
*Eric runs away and we get yet another chase scene with Tracker Eric following Eric*
Warlock: This movie is nothing but chase scenes and explosions.
*Tracker Eric’s car flies over a parked one and they both explode*
Warlock: And right on cue…..
*Tracker Eric jumps on Eric’s car. Eric drives under a bridge to stop him*
*Back at the safe house, Tracker Eric busts through the door. Everybody clears out but Jared and some random UHR dude. Eric doesn’t shoot them but blasts all the C4 around the room. Everybody makes it underground but Tracker Eric follows. Tripwire starts throwing grenades but they all miss. Eric caps the rest of the unnamed UHR guys as Tripwire shouts “Come and get it asshole!”
Warlock: Go get em Crypt Keeper!
*Shootout occurs for a full minute, Tripwire is hit and wounded badly. He tells everyone to split so he can blow the place. Connie plugs Tracker Eric with the special gun as Connie, Jared, Eric and Swain make it out of there. Eric locks the door and Tripwire hits the detonator…KABOOOOOOM!*
Warlock: Now we know why we got all the stock footage, they spent the entire budget on useless explosions.
*Swain grabs Tracker Eric’s head and Eric sarcastically says he’s got a trophy. Swain says he has an idea and they leave*
Warlock: Hold it like a football and run for a touchdown!
*Paris tells Rubens its time to go. Ruben needs 3 days to dismantle the place, Paris says nah, they’ll blow the place in an hour. Ruben is sad about his equipment being lost and Paris they have a lab set up in their next location.He says the cops may kill Eric, Swain and Connie yet. Paris tells him to hit the self destruct switch on Tracker Connie, they’ll take the Super Tracker with them*
Warlock: Another case of “Take out your own guy”. How about put both of them to work?
*Paris gets a report from Kessel that Tracker Eric took care of Rhodes. He says to meet by the back door and says “Time to disappear, hahahahahha”
Warlock: Maniacal laugh.
*Eric, Swain and Connie have Tracker Eric hooked up to a computer so they can question the head.Swain says he can access the self destruct switch and he does, taking out Tracker Eric. Suddenly Tracker 9 shows up and Swain says not to shoot, he’s on their side*
Warlock: Yay, Robocop is here.
*Swain says he’s going to turn himself in and blow the whistle on Paris. He leaves Tracker Nine with Jared, Eric and Connie. Nine blows through the access door to Cybercore. Jared draws the henchmen away so Eric, Connie and Nine can get to the lab.Jared takes out 4 henchmen as Kessel joins the shootout. Tracker Nine draws enemy fire and Eric beats up two more henchmen. Connie and Nine run into Tracker Connie. Tracker Connie beats up Nine with relative ease and rips his heart out. Connie then cryogenically freezes Tracker Connie and blows her head off*
Warlock: Super Tracker gonna make an appearance or what?
*Rubens runs in and tries to fry Eric with a giant lazer. Eric shoots him dead along with more henchmen. Jared is being chased by Kessel*
Warlock: She’s all that’s left between them and Paris.
*Jared is out of ammo so he gets in a one on fight with Kessel. She gets the upperhand but Jared grabs her gun and shoots her dead. Finally Super Tracker shows up and throws Eric around*
Warlock: Still no Paris, probably off to the Cayman Islands now.
*Eric uses the laser to fry Super Tracker*
Warlock: That’s it??? All that hype for that? No one on one fight? Come on.
*Connie checks on Nine but Paris takes her hostage. Eric walks up and says he knew good men that Paris betrayed. Paris goes to kill him but Connie disarms him. We get a one on one brawl between Paris and Eric*
Warlock: Ok, this will do.
*Eric gets the upperhand but Paris goes for the lazer. Just before he fries Eric, Tacker Nine sits up and shoots Paris dead before laying back down*
Warlock: Oh come on…..should have been Jared. That made no sense, another plothole.
*Eric wakes up Nine, grabs Connie and they all run out the door where Jared is waiting. The cops are on their way. Swain is in charge and congratulates Connie, Jared and Eric. Eric tells Tracker Nine to call him Eric and he finally does.They all yuk it up and we get the end credits*
Warlock: Thank God its over.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 4.5 out of 10. It ripped off too many movies, had too many useless explosions. Not enough character development. I mean its good for a one time watch if you can find it dirt cheap but not a good movie.
Final Grade: 4.5 out of 10 – Below Average
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Well that was a low budget piece of junk but it at least was watchable. Nowhere near as good as the first but that was to be expected. Don Wilson movies can go either way and this went the wrong way. Hopefully the next one I see will be better. That about wraps up another below-average adventure, have a pleasant evening.