*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, a t-shirt that says ANKLE BITERS on the front and 3 FEET TALL, 2 INCH FANGS on the back, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a survival canteen of Pepsi*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock levitates and enters the lair*
Warlock: Tonight is another IT CAME FROM YOUTUBE. Mr. America and Neyzor Blades couldn’t be here and I don’t have the least idea where Thug D is. Therefore I’m going solo.
*camera pans to empy recliner and couch*
Warlock: Don “The Dragon” Wilson stars in Cyber Tracker, the 1994 b-movie about androids that seek out human targets. Think if Terminators were their own police force.
*Warlock takes his seat in the recliner*
Warlock: So let’s get started with Cyber Tracker.
Directed by Richard Pepin
Written by Joe Hart
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “Eric is a secret agent currently working as security guard for senator Dilly. The senator is the main advocate for a new kind of police officer: the Tracker”
Warlock: Terminator meets Repo Men.
*Computerized opening credits*
Warlock: Ripped off of Terminator, nice.
*Holographic image of a man saying come on in and bring your wife, girlfriend or both*
Warlock: COME ON IN PUSSY LOVERS!!! Actually wait, this came first.
*Bartender (Matthew David Smith) says no drinks on the table. Cooley (Kevin Carr) pulls a magnum gun on him and says to get out of there. Grubb (Joel Weiss) tells him “Put that away dickhead!” He tells Cooley that he used that gun to cap the old man. Cooley says they got away clean. All of a sudden someone mysterious dude walks into the bar. All we see is combat boots*
Warlock: Is that Mr. America?
*Tracker (Jam Maniaci) places the two goons under arrest. They are to be executed now. CGI has part of his leg turn into a gun and he holds it up to Grubb*
Warlock: Justice system works quckly in the future now that they’ve abolished all lawyers.
*Tracker blows away Grubb A group of men pull their guns and shoot Tracker but he’s a robot and can’t feel pain. He blows them all away but Cooley escapes. He commandeers a car and Tracker walks out after him. He pulls out a huge bazooka and says Cooley is under arrest and is to be executed. He fires the bazooka…KABOOM!*
Warlock: Woah yeah!
*A group of protestors (Judy Lea, Tony Lani and Art Camacho) protest the Tracker system*
Warlock: There’s our fight director Art Camacho making an appearance.
*A chopper flies overhead as Agent Eric (Don “Dragon” Wilson) says he’s here, secure positions*
Warlock: Wish America was here to name the chopper.
*Connie Griffith (Stacie Foster) reports Cybercore was inducted into the judicial system 8 months earlier. Senator Bob Dilly (John Aprea) is the biggest supporter of the tracker system. A reporter (Peter Kluge) asks if this is immoral, Dilly says its a misuse of terms. The protestors shout that the trackers are nothing but executioners as Ross (Richard Norton) says to wire the security tighter because the protestors are getting mad*
Warlock: Richard Norton and Don Wilson would make a hell of a shoot fight.
*A group of ppl are loading up weapons*
Warlock; Get ready for a shootout.
*Dilly says the Constitution was written 225 years ago*
Warlock: Okay, so the movie is set in 2001? I don’t remember robotic police officers when I was in high school.
*Romero and Danners report an authorized vehicle is approaching. Eric says he’ll handle it against Ross’ wishes. 5 people get packed for battle. Eric says we have a code yellow. Mr. Rounds (Joseph Ruskin) is the one funding the Cybercore. Dilly says innocent police officers will be saved by this system. Meanwhile Mark and Matt are sent to kick off the raid. Connie keeps blasting Dilly with questions. Eric spots the terrorists approaching and makes his way toward them. One guy pulls a gun and Eric kicks it out of his hand. Its bedlam and chaos*
Warlock: EVERYBODY PANIC! AHAHHHHHH *gets up and runs in a circle*
*Eric shoots the guy dead. as Ross wipes out the protestors*
Warlock: Art Camacho is down. *He sits back down*
*Eric caps another terrorist as Ross wipes out the female terrorists. Eric caps the black terrorist and Ross blasts another one dead. The chopper is sent to the sky to follow Ross as he leads the senator to safety. Sure enough a guy with a bazooka shoots down the chopper. Ross drives the cruiser with Dilly in it away with a van close behind*
Warlock: Oh boy…a chase scene
*Eric commandeers a car to follow the shooting van. Eric pulls up and caps the driver of the van and it flips then explodes*
Warlock: Well that van’s had it.
*Eric inspects the damage as Connie reports the terrorists belonged to UHR, union for human rights. Connie says they’re opposed to Cybercore and says all members have been killed. Stephanie (Dana Sparks) watches on TV in a lab and says “No…..”
*Dilly blames UHR and gives credit to Eric, not Ross, for saving his life. Ross “Let’s get one thing straight, you and the SS boys are window dressing. I’ve been Head of Security for Dilly for 6 years.” Eric blasts him for not checking out the car earlier. Ross says he didn’t have enough men and Eric says if the senator gets killed, his excuses will look great on his resume. Ross says he’ll answer to him if he leaves his post again. Dilly says Eric saved him twice in one day and tells Ross to watch out for him.*
Warlock: Richard Norton is getting burnned so bad he’s about to have marshmallows roasted on him.
*Once Eric is gone, Ross complains about him to Dilly. Dilly asks what Ross is afraid of. Dilly says he wants him on their side. Ross says if he becomes a problem, leave it to him*
Warlock: Looks like we’ll get the one on one fight after all.
*Eric talks to his house computer Agnes 4,000 and makes her drunk using a computer program*
Warlock: Really dude?
*Eric wants to dial up November 23, 2014, camera six*
Warlock: Ok, so this is NOT set in 2001 but after 2014? I don’t remember robotic police officers in 2014…but I do remember Siri aka Agnes. Somehow they got that right.
*Eric flashes back to when his wife argued with him and said she loves him. He plays it on repeat. Then he takes a shower*
Warlock: I’m in the showerrrrrrrrrrr
*Eric goes to bed and says “I love you too Katie (Christina Zilber)* and orders Agnes to put him to sleep. Two lazer beams knock him out*
Warlock: Wish it was that easy.
*Back at the lab, Stephanie looks over files before she’s abducted by someone. Agnes wakes up Eric and says Dilly is on the line. He takes a video call that Dilly wants him there right away*
Warlock: Well they got Skype right in 2014.
*Eric meets with Ross and Dilly in a parking garage. Dilly rambles on about loyalty. He then opens a trunk and Stephanie in inside. He rips the tape off her mouth and says that she tried to have him killed. Dilly says he knows she’s part of UHR and he pulls a gun on her. Eric pulls his gun on him and Ross pulls his on Eric. Dilly says to everyone to relax. Dilly then blows away Stephanie and Eric runs for it. Ross goes to follow and Dilly says to stay with him. Three guys (Tim Scanlon, Craig Richards and Jay Lasoff) attack Eric and he dispatches them. Ross drives Dilly away*
Warlock: Ohhhhh what a shot.
*Dilly calls Chief of Police Olson (Abby Dalton) and says Eric is the murderer. Olson knows he’s full of shit but they’ll send a tracker anyway*
Warlock: Chief had him pegged.
*Eric asks the desk clerk to see the Chief and he yells at him. Eric calls him an asshole*
Warlock: Love to see him kick the crap out of him.
*Clerk tells him to keep his pants on*
Warlock: I can see the news now. “Insane Secret Service Agent Removes Pants, Throttles Desk Clerk”
*Chief puts out an APB on Eric with him waiting in the lobby. Eric watches his face show up on all the cameras. Desk Clerk calls Chief and says Eric Phillips wants to see her. Eric runs for it and fights his way out of the presinct. Chief walks out and tells all her beat cops to stop him. He manages to fight his way outside. He gets in his car and drives off*
Warlock: Love how nobody used so much a taser let alone a gun.
*Chase scene with cops chasing Eric. One cruiser plows into a truck*
Warlock: That guy’s gonna be buried in paperwork for about a month.
*A cruiser crashes into a car and both cars explode*
Warlock: What do they make cars with in this possible future, C-4?
*Dilly tells Rounds that he took care of Stephanie and he sent a tracker after Eric. Chief reluctantly types in Eric’s code and Tracker itself is activated*
Warlock: Now the shit’s on.
*Eric uses his voice code to access the Secret Service number but Tracker is hacked into the system and finds out where the call is coming from. He calls his former C.O. Charles Dobson and is told to please wait. Eric figures out he’s being set up. Tracker reads him his rights and says he’s to be executed NOW. Eric says Tracker is breaking federal code. Eric gets in a shootout with Tracker*
Warlock: This is why you don’t have Terminators for cops.
*Eric survives the shootout but is tagged in the leg. Tracker reloads and Eric scampers for it. Tracker inspects the gas leaking from Eric’s car and Eric shoots a round that blows the car and sends Tracker flying.
Warlock: That can’t be the big finish, we got 52 minutes left.
*The beat cops arrest Eric and he surrenders. Tracker is damaged but still active. He heals himself but his tracking system is off. He starts shooting at Eric but caps the cops instead*
Warlock: UHR would have had a field day with that if Eric and Ross hadn’t wiped them out already.
*Tracker’s malfunction allows Eric to escape as he hijacks a firetruck*
Warlock: Great, how are we gonna look riding around in this Cole?
*Eric flips the truck after Tracker jumps on it*
Warlock: Lot of flipped cars and explosions in this one.
*Tracker is badly damaged by the truck explosion. Eric finishes off Tracker but a man and a woman take him hostage*
Warlock: Great, who are these clowns?
*Rounds talks with Chief, Ross and Dilly. Chief says they have an APB out on him as Dilly tells Rounds they need another tracker. Rounds says never overestimate the power of man. Rounds makes Jenny the secretary sit down. He rubs her shoulders but then starts strangling her. He continues to rant about humans being inferior as Chief and Dilly just sit there. Rounds pulls the girl’s face off revealing her to be an android*
Warlock: Oh great.
*Eric hears Connie on the news saying Eric is wanted for murder. Ross trashes his character and says no one is safe. Eric “Especially you.” Eric busts out of the room and takes Gil (Edward Blanchard) hostage. He asks where he is and Gil says he can’t say. Eric marches into the meeting room where Jared (Steve Burton) pulls a gun on him. Eric says he wants to see “Griff” and Jared says Griff isn’t there. Ally (Lisa Larosa) tells Jared to put the gun down. Eric figures out they’re UHR members and Ally says they’ll explain it when Griff gets there. Becca (Duchess Dale) looks on*
Warlock: I just figured out who Griff was. That’s pretty sad when the movie hasn’t even revealed it yet I already know.
*Marcus (David Barnathan) tells Jared to put the gun down. Eric says put it down or he’ll take it away. Jared says try it. Eric in one fluid motion rips the gun in half*
Warlock: Saw that coming.
*Eric asks where Griff is and a female voice says “Right here.” Griff is news reporter Connie Griffin*
Warlock: Yup, saw that coming a mile away.
*Eric taunts her “double life” as Marcus tends to Eric. Marcus says he’s a med student. Eric wants a doctor and Marcus says he’s shit out of luck. Marcus says he can get the bullet out but he has no anasthetic&
Warlock: Hit him in the head with a mallet.
*Marcus pulls the bullet out as Eric shouts in pain*
Warlock: This is like Desperado only this came first. Wow, Tarantino and Rodriguez stole the “bartender greeting” and the “no anasthetic” storylines.
*Eric is tracked a second time by Chief and Dilly. A new Tracker (same actor) is activated*
Warlock: Terminators as cops.
*Connie gives her background saying she’s been covering all the horrors that’s happened to the country including burning down the white house and the “massacre at Greenwich Village”
Warlock: With 75% of the country against Donald Trump right now, this movie is becoming more surreal with its timing.
*Connie says Stephanie was uncovering intel on Operation Echo when she was murdered. Connie says they need Eric to get inside Cybercore and uncover the rest of the intel. Eric says “You people really do have a death wish.” Connie says pretty soon Cybercore will run the government. He can either keep running or fight with them. Meanwhile Tracker gets backed for battle and goes over tactical data on Eric*
Warlock Learning from prior battles, good thinking.
*As Rounds drives off, Chief says to Dilly that if Eric knocks off another Tracker says Rounds is gonna be pissed. Dilly says Eric will be dead by sunrise. Ross wants to do it personally. Dilly says no, do it by the book*
Warlock: Should have let Ross do it.
*Jared argues with Connie about telling Eric everything. Marcus says Jared is losing it. Becca video chats her daughter and says stop teasing the cat*
Warlock: How do you tease a cat? Call it names? It doesn’t understand English. I will give props for character development though.
*UHR mills about as Eric wanders around. Gil hacks iinto Cybercore “Wanna see something?”*
Warlock: I heard Pac Man sound effects. Eric’s like “Move over, I wanna play” and he throws him out of the chair.
*Gil reveals he and Stephanie were close and he’s got some of her intel. Gil says Tracker’s endoskeleton is too complex for normal every day weapons and asks if Eric has any theories. Eric “I only speak English”
Warlock: Wait, wait…Eric has already killed a Tracker. Don’t put the “How are we gonna stop them?” motif into the script when its already been proven that they can be stopped. What they should have done was had the first Tracker survive the first encounter with Eric and just need minor repairs. THEN you can run the “How do we stop it?” motif.
*Gil says there are a billion individual micro-processors in its circutry and has a protective gel. Gil says theoretically shouldn’t be possible. The gel is the perfect substance and the Tracker is the perfect android and assassin. Ally walks in and says Connie wants to see him. Eric asks how old Ally is and she says 19. He asks why she’s not in school and she says if she was in school then she wouldn’t be there*
Warlock: Kind of lame dialogue but she does have a point.
*Tracker 2 is on its way to find Eric. Meanwhile Connie goes over the battle plan. They’re going to have to split up to find the Central-Ops lab*
Warlock: That’s a big no-no with Mr. America.
*Eric says not to split up, he’ll lead them there. Jared sarcastically says he feels safer already. Eric asks what his problem is and Jared says he’ll show him. Jared connects with a right cross but Eric blocks his next series of strikes. He then puts him in a chokehold and Connie reveals Eric killed his brother at the press conference*
Warlock: Self defense kid.
*Jared runs out the door with Ally close behind. Connie says she should have told Eric sooner. Ally and Jared hug*
Warlock: Awww isn’t that sweet?
*Marcus tels Pete and Jeanie to get the van started as Eric starts looking at his watch weird*
Warlock: Who are these clowns?
*Tracker pulls up as Eric figures out his watch has a tracking device in it*
Tracker blows away Pete and then Jeanie after he walks through the wall. Eric tells them the Tracker is here and to move*
Warlock: Great, NOW they’re ripping off the police station scene in Terminator.
*Tracker blows Becca’s head off and shoots at Eric next*
Warlock: So much for character development.
*A shootout between Tracker and UHR has Ally hit in the back, and others dead. Marcus is shot dead as Jared, Ally, Connie, Eric and Gil shut the door on Tracker 2. Tracker grabs Connie from behind the door and Eric shoots his arm off to free her. Tracker busts through the door but the UHR is hiding. Tracker uses infared tracking to shoot and kill Ally. Connie and Eric open fire*
Warlock: Jared is not having a good week. Lost his brother and his girlfriend in a week.
*Jared goes apeshit with two machine guns but they have no effect. Marcus is shot dead and Jared is tagged in the shoulder. Eric jumpkicks the door open and he and Connie run for it. They shout for Jared but he shakes his head no*
Warlock: Why didn’t he jump kick the fucking thing a minute ago? Ally and Marcus would still be alive.
*Eric and Connie make it out as Eric shoots the propane tanks that blow the bulding but only set Tracker 2 on fire. Eric pulls out a bazooka from Tracker 2’s humvee and blows Tracker 2 to smithereens*
Warlock: Great, they had a whole plan and their entire crew is wiped out. How are they supposed to hack Cybercore with just two people now?
*Dilly and Ross barge into Chief’s office and Dilly asks “Why the fuck isn’t this asshole dead yet?” Chief says the brightside was Tracker 2 took out the last remnants of UHR. Ross points out :Yeah, except the one we wanted.” Chief says to send two more Trackers after Eric. Ross says send 300 of them sarcastically and says to send in the real thing instead, himself. Chief scoffs at Ross and says if two Trackers couldn’t stop Eric, how could Ross? Ross says man has a will to survive that “automated metermaids” don’t. Dilly “You want him Ross? You go get him!” Ross “My pleasure.”
Warlock: Finally, we get the one on one fight.
*Eric says to move but Connie starts boohooing the fact her friends are dead. Eric has to pep talk her into continuing*
Warlock: Nice show of emotion but let’s finish this. We got 22 minutes left.
*Connie hacks into Cybercore through the maintanence door and nearly get caught by the flatfoot guards. Eric and Connie continue to sneak around until they reach Central-Ops. Eric disarms two guards as Connie hacks into Operation Echo. She makes a data disc and they escape through the bowels. Meanwhile a police officer (Kenneth Benjamin) says he found Connie Griffin’s purse and Ross punches him out*
Warlock: That’s gratitude for ya. This guy goes above and beyond to salvage that purse and the thanks he gets is a knuckle sandwhich by Richard Norton.
*Dilly vid calls Rounds and says Connie made a data disc. Rounds says they need to get the disc back and Ross needs to bring Connie and Eric in ALIVE*
Warlock: Why doesn’t he kill them both and step on the disc? Movie’s over.
*At Connie’s beachhouse, she pops in the disc and needs to break the access code. Connie asks where Eric’s wife is. He says he’s divorced. She asks what happened. He says he had too many scars. Connie says she’s divorced too. Her husband said she was too aggressive so she smacked him*
*Connie says he’s got a lot of luck on his side. Connie breaks into Operation Echo. They read it and Eric asks if its possible. All of a sudden Ross walks up behind and holds them at gunpoint*
Warlock: Time for the big fight?
*Ross and Dilly bring Connie and Eric to meet Chief and Rounds. Rounds says “Well done” to Ross. Rounds says Connie came close. Rounds says Eric should have been working for Cybercore. Eric says he was, he’d be out of a job the next morning because he’s gonna burn it down tonight. Ross pulls out the data disc. Rounds wants to know if they made a second data disc and where it is. Eric just smiles. Ross goes to knife Eric and Rounds says “Not him.”
Warlock: Always the damsel that gets distressed.
*Dilly doesn’t want to stick around to watch Rounds torture people, he says he still has some humanity left. Before he leaves he says if Eric played his cards right, he could have had Ross’ job in no time. Rounds ask Chief what she wants and she wants to stay and watch. Eric pulls out some tricks to disarm the guards, Connie breaks free from Ross and Eric spinkicks him down. Eric shoots both guards and chases Rounds and Chief. More henchmen are dispatched as another Tracker is being prepped for duty. Connie is grazed in the side and Eric takes out the guard that shot her*
Warlock: Just a scratch, she’ll live.
*Eric tells her to keep pressure on the wound as he hears footsteps approaching. Its Ross. He says it’s time, let’s see what he got. Ross says he’s no robot. He continues to taunt Eric into fighting him. Finally Eric accepts the challenge*
Warlock: *Stands up* I got goosebumps. Norton vs Wilson.
*Ross gets the early advantage but Eric fights back. Chief goes to activate Tracker 3 while Ross and Eric battle it out. Connie sneaks up on Chief while she’s prepping Tracker 3. Ross knocks Eric down and Connie puts a gun to Chief’s head and says “Don’t do it.” Ross calls Eric an amateur but Eric fires back with three kicks. Eric and Ross throw haymakers at each other before Eric goes to the body. Chief hits the on-switch and Connie shoots her in the head*
Warlock: What kind of logic was that? Sacrifice yourself so the Tracker lives on? Pathetic.
*Tracker 3 is online as Eric drops Ross with a forearm smash. Ross goes for a knife and Eric spinkicks him through a table, snapping his neck*
Warlock: Wilson wins….flawless victory.
*Connie puts his jacket on as Tracker 3 identifies himself. Eric tries to slug it out and Tracker shows no ill effect*
Warlock: What was he thinking?
*Tracker throughs Eric through a payne of glass then through a wall. Eric grabs a gun and shoots Tracker 3 a bunch of times but once again, no effect. Eric runs for it with Tracker 3 chasing close behind with Connie chasing them both*
Warlock: He better keep running to Rhode Island at this rate.
*Eric throws a grenade at Tracker who catches it and rolls it back to him*
Warlock: What did you expect him to do, hold it until it blows? Its a robot, not an idiot.
*Tracker catches Eric and throws him through a car windshield, Eric then remembers what Gil said earlier and fires up another grenade. He punches through Tracker 3 and leaves the grenade inside. Eric runs and Tracker 3 is blown to smithereens*
Warlock: Way to go Gil with the big piece of critical, need to know, information.
*Connie picks up Eric as the police are on their way. She says they have to get Dilly. Eric says he can get to them. The next morning Dilly calls another press conference. Eric easily dispatches the security and watches Dilly talk about how computerized robots are the wave of the future. Eric then shoots Dilly who blows a circuit, revealing Dilly was an android all along!*
Warlock: Nice twist.
*Suddenly security and the citizens focus not on Eric but on Dilly’s andoid. Connie reports Cybercore has collapsed, Dilly is dead and Rounds has disappeared. He flees charges of treason, conspiracy and murder. Connie says there’s no easy way to prevent crime but humanity can’t be surrendered to cybernetics. Connie and Eric cuddle on the couch. She asks what he’s gonna do now, he says waiting to get reassigned. He’s a bodyguard without a body to guard. She says she wants to be her body. They hold hands and Eric doesn’t have his ring on anymore. They kiss and she asks about Rounds. She doesn’t think he will. She says she gave him a taste of his own medicine. We cut to a resort with Rounds with two thong clad girls. Suddenly Tracker 4 shows up and says Rounds is to be executed…NOW. End credits*
Warlock: Aww I wanted to see him get his. Oh well.
The Warlock’s assessment: I liked it. I give it a 6 out of 10. The acting was kind of shit as they used mostly C actors but some of the storylines and CGI were ahead of its time and parts of the story would later be used in Hollywood movies. The plot was easy to follow even if it was full of holes. It was great to see Richard Norton and Don Wilson go one on one. All in all its not a bad way to kill 90 minutes.
Final Grade: 6 out of 10 – Good
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: I’ve been waiting to see this and it was pretty good all things considering. Parts of the story were original and the concept was pretty unique. Its not great but its not bad either. Of course, since the movie was relatively received well…they had to find a way to ruin it. They made a sequel! Stay tuned next time for how that turns out. Have a pleasant evening.