*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, INTELLIVISION LIVES t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a solid gold, sacred chalice of Pepsi*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock doesn’t do any tricks, he just walks inside*
Warlock: Tonight is a very special night. 37 years ago today the video game console Intellivision was released to North America. Before the video game crash of 1983, arguably the most popular consoles were the ColecoVision, Atari 2600 and the Intellivision. Here to celebrate the occasion is our gaming expert Thug D.
*Thug D is sitting in the recliner wearing a jean jacket with band patches on it, a matching Intellivision t-shirt, black jeans, sneakers and Oaklies shades*
Thug D: Absolutely. The Intellivision had a numeric keypad for a controller which made it more like a phone. The cartridge slots were kind of hard to manage but the games themselves rivaled Atari in terms of graphics. It also was the first game to come out with an expansion module to make games talk. Yes, believe it or not there were no voices in games until Intellivision came along.
Warlock: So what does this have to do with the movie tonight? Show em.
*Thug D holds up a game called Tron Deadly Discs*
D: One of the games was based off a scene in tonight’s movie…..Tron
Warlock: Yes…THAT Tron. The 1982 sci-fi thriller starring Jeff Bridges and David Warner.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: So let’s get this tribute to Intellivision started by catching Tron.
*The Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “A computer hacker is abducted into the digital world and forced to participate in gladiatorial games where his only chance of escape is with the help of a heroic security program.”
D: Wait, we’re watching a GOOD movie? Say it ain’t so…..
Warlock: So this came out in 82?
Warlock: Holy shit, the graphics were amazing.
*Shift to an arcade where a kid plays Lightcycle*
Warlock: I just thought of something…..this must be the inspiration for Wreck It Ralph. The lifestyles within in the game.
*Master Control (David Warner) talks with Sark (David Warner again)*
Warlock: Talking with himself.
*Two guys talking about how the program works*
D: Basically the Master is a super powered program and if people use it, it steals people’s ideas.
*Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) talks with Clu (Jeff Bridges again) and tries to hack into the Master Program*
Warlock: I heard he’s a dude.
*Recognizers attack Clu and he shoots them first person shooter style*
D: The problem with movies that are ahead of their time, they usually were ignored.
*Flynn gets pissed when Clu is captured*
Warlock: Another dude bites the dust.
*Master Program interrogates Clu*
Warlock: The animation is right out of a PS2 game and this was 1982.
*Master calls for Ed Dillinger (David Warner…again!)*
Warlock: Triple role for Warner.
*Real helicopter lands on platform*
Warlock: Jesus Christ….I can’t tell what’s real.
*Dillinger walks down the hall and tells Peter (Tony Stephano) that he can go*
Warlock: Easiest paycheck he cashed.
*Dillinger enters his computer code*
D: Stardate 5218.2
*Dillinger says he needs to find Flynn*
Warlock: So they know Flynn exists.
*Master says there’s a 68 percent chance they’ll find Flynn*
Warlock: Never tell me the odds….wait wrong movie.
*Alan Bradley (Bruce Boxleitner) has to report to Dillinger*
D: His name should be Buzz Lightyear.
*Dillinger interrogates Alan*
Warlock: His goggle glasses are killing me.
*Alan says he’s been working on the Tron program that’s a security system separate from the Master program*
Warlock: So this is where the idea comes from.
*Alan says “Thank you and leaves”*
Warlock: NOW GET OUTTA HERE!
*Master yells at Dillinger and says he doesn’t want an independent program monitoring it*
D: “You know how much storage I have for porn? I don’t need anything else fucking up my databanks”
*Dr. Walter Gibbs (Barnard Hughes) tells Lora (Cindy Morgan) that here goes nothing, means something*
D: Check it out its the slut from Caddyshack.
Warlock: Cindy Morgan.
D and Warlock: Lacey Underall
*Gibbs tells how the program works*
D: Its the grandpa from The Lost Boys
Warlock: People are straaaaaange
*Lora talks with Alan about how Group 7 access has been revoked*
Warlock: Group 8 is laughing their ass off.
*Lora drives Alan to the arcade to see Flynn*
Warlock: They are gamers too?
D: Its where Flynn works.
*Alan and Lora walks around arcade*
D: Man arcades were the place to be back then.
Warlock: Always were.
*A crowd gathers around Flynn as he beats a game. He says its all in the wrist*
Warlock: Way to go Dude.
D: Lora is a fox. She has that “fuck me now” look and an incredible body.
*Lora asks if Flynn’s been trying to hack the system*
Warlock: What’s he gonna say “No” and the movie ends?
*Flynn says three years ago he was a software engineer for ENCOM. He says he invented a whole slew of video games but Ed Dillinger stole his work and presented it to the higher ups as his own. He then gets promoted and Flynn gets fired, doomed to work at an arcade. He’s trying to hack the system so he can get the credit he deserves. Alan says his Tron file may be able to crack the code*
Warlock: And now we get the plot.
*Dillinger yells at Gibbs while Alan, Flynn and Lora try to break in*
D: Anyone know the combination?
*Dillinger “We all have all this software”
D: It can do all that but we can’t tie our shoes!
*Flynn, Alan and Lora gain access into ENCOM. Meanwhile Master says he’s going to take over the Pentagon and the Kremlin*
Warlock: Skynet is born!
D: You beat me to it.
*Flynn sneaks around with Lora behind*
Warlock: That’s straight up Gene Simmons Investigation right there.
*Alan returns to his cubicle*
Warlock: God damn trash all over the place!!
D: I let that idiot eat all my popcorn too!
*Master hacks into the Pentagon*
D: Yeah its only the Pentagon, what’s the worst that could happen.
*Flynn and Lora climb stairs and ladders*
Warlock: God damn stairs, too much damn cardio.
D: Hey can you guys hurry it up, we gotta film Nightmare on Elm Street in here soon!
*Flynn hacks the system and fucks with it. Master warns him that he’s putting him in the game grid*
Warlock: Wait what?:
*A giant laser zaps Flynn and transports him into the computer program*
D: Honey I shrunk the kid.
Warlock: Oh boy, now I can play Tetris.
*Flynn wakes up inside the computer. 6 guards corner him*
D: Excuse me fellas, is this the rave?
*Master tells Sark he’s got a new user. Master says he pushed him. Sark is nervous because users are different. Master “Get this clown trained.”
Warlock: Bozo ain’t here.
D: Well ya know something Mean Gene!
*Flynn is thrown in a cell with Ram (Dan Shor)*
D: Realistic they said, it’ll be fun they said!
*Guard tells Flynn to move it*
Warlock: I gonna kick yo ass!
*A whole host of programs are led to a platformed area where Sark lands*
D: *Hums the Imperial March theme*
Warlock: Yeah really, David Warner would fit right in with Star Wars….but he chose Star Trek.
*Sark says the mightiest players will join the MCP*
Warlock: You down with MCP?
D: Yeah you know me.
*Sark says their disc will be an identity disc*
D: If you lose it? Go home and paint a frisbee.
*Tron (Also Bruce Boxleitner) is a great disc thrower. Ram gives his backstory as a bank program. Flynn says his real name but Ram doesn’t believe him. Meanwhile Sark wants Flynn to fight Crom (Peter Jurasik) in a game of Deadly Discs*
Warlock: And THIS is where Tron Deadly Discs for the Intellivision came from.
*Flynn refuses to kill Crom. Sark says he’ll regret it and kills Crom himself*
Warlock: Wow, so much for him.
*Sark goes to kill Flynn but Master says he wants Flynn to be killed in combat*
Warlock: A warrior’s death.
D: Ok Worf.
*Flynn runs into Tron and calls him Alan. Tron asks him how he knows that name. Flynn plays along and says his user knows his user*
Warlock: He’s his own grandpa.
*Warriors battle Tron, Ram and Flynn in Lightcycle*
D: Copy that Gold Leader
*Flynn , Tron and Ram escape alive and have to outrun the recognizers*
Warlock: For 1982 these graphics are awesome.
*Flynn says he never should have written the tank programs as they move to attack the trio*
Warlock: He should have wrote more porn.
*One tank pushes another off the grid*
Warlock: You EEDIOT!
*Tron, Ram and Flynn make it to safety. Flynn is amazed at the computer programs. Meanwhile Sark says he wants the Conscripts*
Warlock: Uh oh, they’re bad news.
*Flynn ask Tron and Ram for help. Tron says he needs to contact his user. Flynn says yeah, go contact Alan*
Warlock: Yeah, tell him “GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!”
*Tron drinks from the water*
D: Did somebody pee in the game?
Warlock: Get the power, Nintendo Powerrrrrr
*Flynn, Tron and Ram power up*
Warlock: Better off shooting coke.
*The tanks shoot down Ram and Flynn but Tron makes it to safety*
Warlock: Go get Alan, now!
*Flynn drags an unconscious Ram to a hole in the wall. He then carries Ram as Tron continues to ride*
Warlock: Doncha hate when they split up?
*Flynn somehow wakes up Ram*
D: He’s alive!!!
*Flynn uses his power to create a recognizer out of rubble*
D: He’s a user, he has superior powers.
*Ram asks Flynn if he’s a user. Flynn nods*
D: Can I get your autograph?
*Ram dies in Flynn’s arms*
Warlock: What the fuck? I thought he revived him.
D: Nope, he was too hurt from the crash.
*Yori (Also Cindy Morgan) is pulled aside by Tron. They hug*
Warlock: Cindy Morgan?
D: Yup, and her ass looks MAGNIFICENT in that costume.
Warlock: We should sniff it.
*A bit harasses Flynn as he flies the recognizer. It begins to malfunction*
Warlock: Yes, no, yes, no…its Zodiac.
*Flynn tries to step on different switches to stop the recognizer*
Warlock: Now he’s playing hopscotch.
*Flynn crashes in front of programs that don’t acknowledge him*
Warlock: That’s right, just ignore him.
*Flynn knocks out a guard and absorbs his power*
Warlock: Wow, he’s like a God. I love how the movie is named Tron but its really about Flynn.
D: Tron sounds cooler than Flynn, dude.
*Tron and Yori try to dodge through the security guards to make it to Dumont (Also Barnard Hughes)*
Warlock: Grandpa’s back.
*Dumont allows Yori and Tron to pass. Meanwhile Sark says to bring out the probe*
D: For the chick right?
*Tron holds up his disc to contact to Alan*
D: I HAVE THE POWERRRRRRR
Warlock: *Makes Legend of Zelda da-da-da-daaaaa noise*
*Alan tells Tron how to shut the system down*
Warlock: Talk about talking to yourself.
*Tron “This code disc means freedom*
Warlock: This suit means profit!
*Sark and a legion of warriors confront Dumont but he refuses to talk. Meanwhile guards attack Tron and he fights them off. One guy falls off a cliff*
D: I REGRET NOTHINGGggggggggg……..
*Master zaps Sark and says to hurry up and kill Tron*
Warlock: They don’t know Flynn is alive.
*Tron runs into Flynn and pulls him up. Flynn says Ram didn’t make it*
Warlock: I shall kill you!!!
*Flynn calls Tori “Lora”. Flynn admits he’s a user. Meanwhile Sark tells his minion (Also Tony Stephano) to shut up. Sark interrogates Dumont*
Warlock: Grandpa Simpson.
*Tron and Yori run into a malfunction*
D: Goddamit man don’t tell me the odds.
*Tron carries Flynn to safety*
Warlock: Way to go Dude.
*Tron gets knocked flat as Flynn and Yori rescue Dumont*
Warlock: Tron is dead?
*Sark confronts the trio and jawjacks with Flynn. He takes Dumont hostage and leaves Flynn and Yori to die*
Warlock: Ain’t gonna happen.
*Flynn figures out he can use his power to escape the ship before it de-resolutes*
Warlock: Where were you five minutes ago dipshit?
Warlock: Oh sure, no explanation needed.
*Dumont is tortured*
Warlock: Wow, the pilot is drunk as shit!
*Master tells Sark another warrior approaches. Tron shouts at Sark*
Warlock: Showdown time.
*Sark and Tron go one on one with the Deadly Discs*
Warlock: Is this the big fight?
*Sark says Tron should have joined him. Tron says he’s better than him and knocks him down with a blast*
D: Lucky Charms coming out of his head.
*Sark wakes up and supersizes to 30 feet high*
Warlock: He just turned into Andre The Giant.
*Yori kisses Flynn*
D: Cheatin bitch!
Warlock: Yeah really.
*The Master Program’s weakness is revealed and Tron heaves his Disc into it. Dumont’s face materialzes and Sark is terminated. Master Control blows*
*Tron hugs Yori*
Warlock: Guess who she just kissed.
*Dumont is saved and notices the towers are lighting back up again. Yori said Tron got the assist from Flynn who sacrificed himself to save them. Meanwhile Flynn gets transporte back to the real world. He gets a fax giving him credit for the video games he created*
Warlock: All this for THAT?
*Flynn runs out celebrating while Dillinger goes to his desk and the panel reads that Flynn designed the games. He sits down dejected*
*Alan and Lora wait for a helicopter and Alan says its the boss. Flynn hops out of the ENCOM chopper*
Warlock: Nice disco suit.
*City lights up with sappy theme*
Warlock: Isn’t that a happy song?’
Warlock: Wow, that went quick.
*Journey – Only Solutions plays over the credits*
D: Pay attention to Journey for the sequel.
Thug D’s Assessment: I give it an 8 out of 10. By today’s standards its dated but it was BRILLIANT for 1982. You have to be paying attention to get the movie, you won’t pick it u easily. Well acted film, smart, clever and ahead of its time. The world needed to catch up to Tron, not the other way around.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 7. Its a little confusing but a fun story you get sucked into easily. The graphics were AMAZING which really makes the movie worth watching. This was 1982 and it really could have been 1995 technology.
Final Grade: 7.5 out of 10 – Outstanding
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: That was pretty damn good. Way, way WAY ahead of its time meaning that most folks in 1982 “didn’t get it.” Still, it was a blast to watch with some video game elements thrown in there that made for some games that we mentioned earlier. Jeff Bridges would only go up from here, starring in some iconic roles.
D: So, ready for some Intellivision?
Warlock: You bet.
*Warlock fires up the Intellivision in the spot where the PS3 used to be*
D: BEEEEEE SEVENTEEN BOMBERRRRRR
Warlock: Have a pleasant evening.