*The Warlock and Mr. America are watching the New England Patriots battle the Denver Broncos. The Warlock is on the middle of the couch wearing a Reebok Richard Seymour #93 jersey, jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. Mr. America is wearing a Nike Rob Gronkowski #87 jersey, jeans, black sneakers and aviator shades*
Warlock: Look like they’re gonna win this one 16-3.
America: Not enough offense. Don’t think they’ll win the Superbowl without Gronk.
Warlock: Please….if they lock up the first seed, Oakland and Pittsburgh would have to come to Gillette and I’m not afraid of either one of them there.
America: Wanna put a bet on it?
Warlock: Oh no, I made that mistake with Thug D last year.
America: Patriots had 18 guys on IR last year, you lose your balls this year?
Warlock: Ok fine, if the Patriots don’t win the Superbowl I’ll cover any movie you want.
America: And if they win?
Warlock: Oh ithat’s no secret, you’re doing Pearl Harbor with me.
*Suddenly the doorbell rings*
Warlock: Ah, perfect timing.
America: Who the hell could that be?
Warlock: Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you.
*Warlock goes to answer the door*
America: So instead of telling me, you go and answer the door…nice
*Warlock opens the door*
Warlock: Long time no see!
*Warlock steps back and shakes hands with…Mr. Wallstreet, who enters wearing a green Nehru suit, blue tie, brown clogs and Roy Orbison sunglasses*
Wallstreet: Great to be back.
*America pops out of the recliner*
*America shakes his hand*
America: You sonovagun, why didn’t you tell me you were coming?
Warlock: Because we wanted to see your reaction.
America: Oh, thanks.
Warlock: So how’s Florida been?
Wallstreet: Very lucrative, just wish I got there years ago. Ho’w the Realm been?
Warlock: Doing just fine, almost Christmas time and getting close to our 200th episode special.
Wallstreet: Good…good….hey is that us?
*Wallstreet goes over to the wall where the framed picture of Wallstreet, America, Warlock and Ooga Booga is*
Warlock: Sure is, I had it framed just after you left.
Wallstreet: That’s amazing.
Warlock: Yeah, I needed something to cover the bullet holes America left after our shootout with the Demonic Toys.
Wallstreet: You HAD to bring that up didn’t you?
Wallstreet: Well, I didn’t come empty handed, you guys ready for a movie?
Warlock: Always ready, what’s the movie?
Wallstreet: Ghost Crazy.
America: What the hell is that?
Wallstreet: You’ll see, its a surprise.
America: Well, since its you and not Warlock, I trust your judgment.
Warlock: I resent that!
America: I don’t care.
*America goes to sit in the recliner, Wallstreet gives him a look, America stops and defers. Wallstreet sits in the recliner as America takes his spot on the right side of the couch. Warlock pops in the dvd and takes his spot on the left side of the couch*
Warlock: You remember how to do this?
Wallstreet: Like the back of my hand.
Warlock: Ok then, let’s get started with Ghost Crazy.
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “Three goofballs run up against ghosts and a giant gorilla in a haunted house.”
America: How the hell does a haunted house and a gorilla even mix in the first place?
Wallstreet: A swell place for a moider!
America: Shemp Howard? This just got more intriguing.
Wallstreet: There’s your surprise.
*We begin at the circus. The fat lady is named Lotta Fat who is 681 pounds of fat*
Warlock: SHE CAN’T BE MORE THAN 350!
Wallstreet: Wow, the fact you can even figure that out is frightening.
*Billy (Billy Gilbert) is introduced as the gorilla trainer. The gorilla is Shemp (Shemp Howard) in a costume*
Warlock: In case you had to guess, that’s Shemp.
*Billy “At 15 feet I didn’t move, at 10 feet I didn’t move, at five feet….I moved*
*Billy makes Shemp scare the girl. In the back its revealed the real gorilla is named Barney*
Warlock: Barney the dinosaur takes a back seat.
*Billy and Shemp say they need a vacation. Shemp wants to go to Canada. Billy wants California. They have 20 dollars between them. Billy “It was a nice vacation while it lasted.”
Warlock: If he watched his money, it would have went out the window.
*Shemp and Billy nearly get wiped out by Maxie (Maxie Rosenbloom) who’s driving. Joan (Jayne Hazard) is scared her uncle Mr Gardner (John Hamilton) would be murdered. Ralph Williams (Tay Dunn) pulls over and says he sees something*
America: What does he see?
*The car catches fire and blows up. Williams runs back and everyone is unharmed because Maxie pulled everyone out in time. Mr. Gardner is skeptical*
America: Considering there is no damage, that was a pretty lackluster explosion.
Wallstreet: What a narrow escape!
*Billy slaps Shemp and says he’s making him sea sick*
*Dave Hammon (Bernard Snell) is driving Shemp and Billy. He pulls over and walks up to Gardner’s crew. He piles everyone in the car and has Maxie throw the bags in the car but leaves him behind*
America: Oh that’s so kind.
*Billy and Shemp make faces*
Warlock and America: Hahahaha
America: They’re sporting the look of “Is this really happening right now?”
*Dave and the others share character development. Billy thinks they’re calling HIM a gorilla*
*Maxie rubs a car window with grease because the driver won’t give him a ride*
Warlock and America: Heh.
*Dave pulls up to a mansion with a cemetery in the front yard. Billy and Shemp refuse to go in the house. Ralph, Joan and Mr. Gardner say their goodbyes to Dave. Ralph asks if there’s any danger*
America: In the very beginning you said the life was threatened, and this idiot asks that?
*Mrs Benson (Minerva Urecal) asks Ralph if anything’s wrong, he says no. Dave asks Billy and Shemp to join him inside. Shemp makes monster motions. Billy says the girl was scared and there’s a cemetery. Shemp continues to make exaggerated motions*
*Billy spots Mrs Benson and screams “TIMBERRRRRR”
*Canned laughter has Billy about to attack Shemp*
Warlock: Yeah, you got Billy in the Moe role.
*Billy tells Dave he can hear someone laughing. He sees it with his own two ears*
*Ralph says goodbye so Billy says goodbye to Shemp as well. Mr. Gardner says his goodbyes as a door creaks open. Billy and Shemp run to the car and hide*
Warlock: Hearts of lions those two.
*Dave investigates the door and the electrician (Dan White) walks in. Mrs Benson says she forgot about him*
Warlock: Something is afoot.
America: That’s awful convenient she forgot to mention him.
*Billy says he’s going to have nervous indignation*
*Shemp says he pressed the horn, not blew it*
*Benson asks why Joan came back. Benson insinuates Joan’s mother was killed there*
Warlock: Isn’t that too bad. This bitch is CREEPY.
*A figure sneaks up on Joan in a hat*
Warlock: I want his hat.
*Joan screams as Mr. Gardner, Dave, Shemp, Benson and Billy run in. Joan says she blacked out because she saw a man with a horrible face. Gardner asks where Williams is and Ralph walks right in, scaring Shemp and Billy*
*Dave tries to defend Joan, he says they need to split up. He says he, Billy and Shemp will help. Billy and Shemp “No!”
Wallstreet: Ohhhh not me.
*Billy “Don’t worry, if we see something you’ll hear the loudest yell you’ve ever heard*
America: I believe him.
*Shemp and Billy run up to Gardner and he says the two will be no help at all*
Wallstreet: We can’t help it, we’re morons!
*Shemp and Billy pull 3 stooges routines while searching the house*
Warlock: Cast Moe as Billy and this is an hour long stooges special.
*Billy and Shemp hug each other scared. Billy “Follow me” and he hides behind Shemp. A picture keeps changing to scare Shemp*
Warlock: Another joke out of the Stooges.
*Billy “My glasses could be dirty.” Shemp “You’re not wearing glasses.” Billy “Well then they’re not dirty”
Warlock, America and Wallstreet: Hahahaha
*Billy tells the picture frame that one of them has to go. The guy in the frame (Buster Brodie) says he’ll go and pulls down a frame. Billy turns around and says “See, I told ya I’d fix it” before freaking out*
Warlock: That’s original.
*Shemp runs to the left and Billy says the voice is coming from the right, Shemp says that’s why he’s going left*
Warlock, America and Wallstreet: Hahahaha
*The crew finds Mr.Gardner knocked out. Benson walks in and asks if he’s ok. Dave asks how Benson could have known he was hurt to begin with? Shemp and Billy suspect Ralph. Billy and Shemp then ask if they can leave. Dave says they may as well*
Warlock: Time to go.
*Somebody downstairs makes a noise, Joan asks the three of them to stay the night. Dave says sure much to Billy and Shemp’s dismay. Joan asks Benson to prepare rooms for Dave and the stooges, Benson complains.Gardner forces her too*
Warlock: This would be a cool murder mystery without the stooge element, but that’s what makes it a comedy.
*Shemp pulls up the shade and Billy says pull it down. Shemp “I need to take a cold shower, I hope they have hot water”
Warlock: I’m stealing that.
*Billy pulls up the shade and the frame says “Hello”. He pulls it down again*
*Billy gets his hat thrown back at him by an unidentified person in the room. Billy freaks and calls for Shemp. Shemp runs out in a white robe and Billy thinks HE’S the ghost*
*Billy spots a real ghost when Shemp walks in, they spot it*
America and Wallstreet: Hahahha
*Shemp “Billy you can’t go out with one shoe”
Warlock: Yes he can, he won’t look good though.
*Shemp and Billy search the cemetery*
America: In today’s horror movie, they’d be dead.
*Billy finds the phony ghost costume and puts it on to scare Shemp while wearing his hat*
Warlock: He’s still got the hat on.
*Shemp freaks and runs away. Billy chases him and Shemp runs into a tree*
Wallstreet and Warlock: Hahahaha
*Billy slaps Shemp. Shemp “Billy its you!”
America: Heh, he said do it again.
*A bush moves and Shemp freaks. Billy “Would you mind standing over there!” Billy runs away*
*Grogan (Tim Ryan) walks up to Maxie outside the car*
Warlock: That guy wrote this script.
*Grogan pulls Maxie and says he’s gonna clock him*
Warlock: I wouldn’t do that, Maxie in real life was a world champion boxer.
*Barney the Gorilla (Art Miles) grabs Maxie from inside the cart, Maxie “Nice kitty”
*Maxie runs away. Billy reports to the group that someone is playing a ghost. Dave is skeptical. Shemp stays behind to console him*
Warlock: I’ll be lucky to sleep a wink tonight.
*Billy slaps Shemp around*
*Billy “Don’t close that door or I’ll make a new one!”
Warlock: The bush was waving right there by itself.
America: As opposed to over there?
*Billy and Shemp tell Dave someone’s trying to scare them. Dave says better than being murdered*
Wallstreet: Another swell place for a moider.
*Shemp and Billy see someone and Billy holds the door shut on him. Its Maxie. He says there’s a gorilla outside. Ralph yells that the 3 of them are disturbing people. Billy says they’re being disturbed. Maxie wants Shemp and Billy to buzz off or they’ll be sorry. Billy scoffs at him*
Warlock: Get the door and turn out the lights.
Wallstreet: SWING IT!
*Billy “Why’d you open the door?” Shemp “There’s more light out here”
*Ralph runs by Maxie like he wasn’t even there*
Warlock: Did he really just run by him disguised as a telephone?
*Maxie tails Ralph into Shemp and Billy’s room. A brawl develops. The lights go on and Grogan says he’s a private detective. The electrician sinks out. Grogan orders everyone to bed. Everyone leaves but Maxie, Billy and Shemp corner him. They interrorgate Grogan in a funny manner*
Warlock: Now there’s 3 of them.
*Maxie blows smoke. Shemp “I can’t see” Billy “Why?” Shemp “I got my eyes closed*
*In Gardner’s room, he says Ralph and Benson are behind it. Dave believes him. Billy has an idea. He wants Shemp to get in the gorilla outfit. Billy slaps him and makes him do it*
Wallstreet: He’s gonna make a monkey out of him.
*Barney the gorilla pounds around downstairs as Shemp gets changed into the costume*
Warlock: Didn’t they do the same shit with the Stooges?
America: Similar, yes.
*Barney walks up to Billy and Billy says he’s putting blanks in his gun. Shemp walks in with his costume as Billy turns around and sees Barney. Billy slowly freaks out*
*Billy and Shemp run downstairs and Billy freaks out.They run and hide behind a chair as Maxie walks upstairs. The gorilla scares Maxie “You don’t live here.”
*Dave and Joan walk downstairs and find Maxie who has fainted*
Warlock: Some boxer.
*Maxie explains he saw a prehistoric monster. He spots Shemp in the costume and runs away. Shemp unmasks and Billy says he’s not the gorilla. Billy and Shemp run outside to find Maxie as the lights go off inside. A ghost captures Joan as Mrs Benson is grilled by Dave, Shemp and Billy. Williams is nowhere to be found. Shemp finds Maxie who says he’s okay. They find Williams who’s dead. Dave says that eliminates him as a suspect. Meanwhile Mrs Benson runs around*
Warlock: So if he’s not the killer, who is?
*Shemp, Billy and Maxie scream and run out*
Warlock: So they couldn’t pay Larry and Moe so they put Billy Gilbert and Maxie Rosenbloom in those roles?
America: Pretty much.
*Maxie, Billy and Shemp search the basement. Billy “What are we whispering for?” Maxie and Shemp “I dunno.”
Warlock: So Billy is Moe, Maxie is Larry and Shemp is….Shemp.
*Shemp jumps in Maxie’s arms and screams*
*The graveyard leads to a secret passage underneath the mansion. The trio grabs candles as Maxie says he needs some boxing gloves as Joan screams*
Warlock: Maxie would knock the ghost out.
*Billy makes Maxie and Shemp split up. A ghost asks directions to the graveyard. Shemp nonchalantly says where it is, the ghost thanks him. Once the ghost leaves Shemp freaks. Billy has his candle lit by the ghost and he freaks himself. Dave finds Grogan and shows the way to the underground tunnel. Grogan and Dave hide as the Ghost taunts the trio who run Grogan and Dave. Billy gives him shit as Joan continues to scream*
*Shemp gets a bird cage stuck on his head as Dave punches out the Electrician. The ghost appears and is knocked flat by Mrs Benson. Its old man Gardner himself. Gardner wanted Joan’s money but Williams found out and Gardner had the Electrican and Bald guy scare people away. Grogan and Benson solve the mystery as Billy, Maxie and Shemp run away . End credits*
Warlock: Kind of anticlamatic.
Mr. America’s Assesment: I’ll give it a 5
Mr. Wallstreet’s Assessment: I give it a 6
The Warlock’s Assessment: I’ll give it a 6. It was short and sweet even if it dragged a little at the end. It was more or less an hour long Stooges episode with Billy Gilbert in the Moe role and Maxie Rosenbloom in the Larry role. Can’t judge a movie made 70 years ago by modern standards but we had a few laughs. Definitely worth watching.
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Well that was a trip down memory lane. Seeing Shemp Howard playing in a stooge without the stooges was more or less showing he could still play the role, ironic since Curly would get sick and retire 2 years later. Billy Gilbert had been in some Stooges shorts so he had ties to them as well. Interesting to see the ex-boxer Maxie play the stooge because he could probably knock out everyone in the movie. Thanks for the entertainment Mr. Wallstreet.
Wallstreet: Glad you enjoyed it….well, got to go.
*Wallstreet gets to his feet and heads for the door*
America: Wait, what? You’re not staying?
Wallstreet: Oh no, I got a business deal in Florida I have to make. One of the reasons why I kept the movie short.
America: So you literally flew here from Florida to stay for an hour then fly back?
Wallstreet: Helps to have a private jet.
Warlock: Well thanks for dropping by, see you next time.
*Warlock shakes his hand and opens the door*
America: Wait a minute.
*America gets up and Wallstreet puts his hand out. America then belts Wallstreet with a right hook that sends him out of the lair into the grass outside. America shuts the door and locks it*
Warlock: Now is the part where you explain to me just what the hell that was about.
America: Sand Serpents…Roadkill…Sea Beast….need I say more?
Warlock: Oh ok.
*Warlock walks away shaking his head*
America: Have a pleasant evening.