178. Resident Evil: Damnation (2012)

onesheet

*The Warlock is walking down the street of Raccoon City. He’s wondering what the hell he’s doing here. He’s wearing a black t-shirt, leather jacket, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades*

Warlock: How the hell did I get here?

*Warlock hears moaning nearby and soon a zombie emerges from a street corner. It goes to attack but Warlock fries it with a fireball*

Warlock: The fuck? Raccoon City? Oh shit…

*More zombies are on their way, Warlock zigzags through them, frying one if necessary and enters Kendo’s Gun Store*

Warlock: Jesus H Christ…..now what am I gonna do?

*Warlock spots Kendo in the corner*

Warlock: Excuse me sir, I have a….

*Kendo turns and is zombified. He goes to attack and Warlock fries him with a fireball. The corpse drops in front of him*

Warlock: Peeeeee-you! Stinkaroonie.

*Warlock walks into the back of the store where there is a TV and a dvd player set up*

Warlock: Wait, what’s this?

*Warlock holds up a DVD cover*

Warlock: Resident Evil Damnation? Wasn’t this released on the eve of Resident Evil 6? I never saw this.

*Warlock pops the DVD into the player*

Warlock: This better be good.

 

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “Special Agent Leon S.Kennedy goes against his superior’s orders and works to destroy a series of biological weapons being used in a war zone in Europe.”

Warlock: He already killed Saddler and Las Plagas, what could possibly be in Europe now?

 

*Opening credits gives a partial real history of the breakup of the Soviet Union before going into the storyline*

Warlock: At least the part where the USSR dissolved in 1991 was real.

 

*The Eastern Slav Republic split and became its own state. The financial dropoff became the rich and poor became so severe that a rebellion took place. Ivan Judanovich (Robin Sachs) became the Ataman from the Council of Elders*

Warlock: Council of Elders….would have been a good KISS song if Bob Ezrin didn’t torpedo the album.

 

*After several years of fighting, Slav’s first female president Svetlana Belikova (Wendee Lee) offered a cease fire from the rebels. In November 2010, the government figured out the rebels land contained valuable minerals and launched an attack under the guise of “fighting terrorism”*

Warlock: Yeah, aka George Dubya attacking Iraq in 2003 to get Saddam and please his daddy under the guise of “fighting terrorism”.

 

*The rebels were rumored to have “Monsters”join the battle. Footage of Lickers are shown crawling around*

Warlock: How the hell would Russian rebels get their hands on Umbrella B.O.W.?

 

*In February 2011, the rumors made it to Holifgrad, the base of operations for the Slavic government. Ivan then puts out a radio transmission that they have achieved power and that power will lead them to victory. “Fight for independence!!!”

Warlock: Ah…huh.

 

*Leon S Kennedy (Matthew Mercer) spots a firefight going on between rebels and military. He gets a phone transmission from Ingrid Hunnigan (Salli Saffioti), he’s moving into position*

Warlock: Never goes anywhere without his faithful Hunnigan.

 

*Hunnigan uses the security cameras to get him out of there. She tells him the mission has been cancelled and Leon is pissed that he just got there*

Warlock: Look at the brightside, you get to go home!

 

*Hunnigan says the US is pulling their involvement out. All US citizens are ordered to leave the county. Leon says he can’t afford to pull out, B.O.W. are being used and he has to stop them. Hunnigan says the US government will never allow him to stay, he says he’s going to lose his citizenship for awhile and hangs up on her. He says “She can tell them I got lost and missed my flight”

Warlock: Heh.

 

*Leon runs down an empty street and says he needs some breakfast*

Warlock: Good luck finding eggs and grits in Russia..or Eastern Slav…wherever the hell they are.

 

*Leon walks into an abandoned parking lot. A Slavic citizen falls in front of him. Leon recognizes him as his contact Scarecrow (Patrick Seitz).”Scarecrow, its the Tin Man!”

Warlock: Great Wizard of Oz reference.

 

*Leon asks what the connection is between the rebels and the B.O.W.’s. Scarecrow says Bee Keeper as a licker approaches from the shadows*

Warlock: Leon look out!! Wait…he can’t hear me.

 

*The Licker attacks and kills Scarecrow. Leon “Great, now I got a cowardly lion to deal with”

Warlock: Follow the yellow brick road Leon.

 

*Leon plays a game of cat and mouse with the Licker where he’s chased until he shoots it. He chases it until a large explosion goes off, knocking him into a pile of rubble*

Warlock: Did NOT expect that.

 

*The Licker sneaks up on the now prone Leo and…..stops.It slowly backs away as a figure approaches. The figure tells the Licker not to attack with a hand gesture as Leon passes out*

Warlock: Night night, naptime for Leon.

 

*Leon wakes up bound and tied to a chair in an underground chamber. The rebels are all around him. One guy in a mohawk has Leon’s combat vest on. The military are overhead looking for people and another rebel keeps Leon silent by putting a knife to his throat*

Warlock: Shhhhh

 

*The guy with a knife to Leon says they may have use for Leon. Knife guy asks Leon if he knows who they are. Leon “Are you Dorothy?”

Warlock: Nah, that’s probably Ada.

 

*Knife guy and Mohawk guy interrogate Leon. Knife guy is Buddy (Dave Wittenberg). Mohawk guy is JD (Val Tasso). Leon gives the story he was on vacation and got dropped here. JD scoffs at him. Leon says he’s always packing heat. JD “American is the bomb, yo.”

Warlock: Wowwwww, dated dialogue.

 

*Buddy says he can handle “the thing” referring to the Licker. Leon says to stop messing with it or people will get hurt. Meanwhile the guy controlling the Licker starts gagging*

Warlock: Keep that guy away from me.

 

*Back in the president’s office, Svetlana asks for a status report. One of her military personnel says the rebels escaped underground. Svetlana says they should have joined the UN 5 years earlier. Svetlana says that got fucked up because the big wigs let the terrorists run wild. Meanwhile Svetlana’s secretary (David Vincent) says her guest is here. Ada Wong (Courtenay Taylor) walks in*

Warlock: Of course….wherever Leon goes, Ada is not far behind.

 

*Svetlana introduces her as an agent of the BSAA*

Warlock: Chris Redfield would be like “Hell no!”

 

*JD “My name is not Hey You. Its JD!”

Warlock: JYD sounds better.

 

*Leon says the old man isn’t doing well. JD goes on a spastic rant about how he loves American food and movies. Leon thought he hated America. JD says they hate the country but not things MADE in America as he points to Leon’s combat vest*

Warlock: Wait till he sees Bunny De La Cruz.

 

*JD goes to take a swig out of a flash when Leon gets a call. Leon tells him not to answer and JD scoffs and stomps on the phone. Leon nods his head in approval*

Warlock: Now he has an excuse to tell Hunnigan. Some spastic clown stomped on his phone.

 

*Buddy walks in and gives the status report. Meanwhile in the president’s office, Ada gives her sales pitch about B.O.W.’s. Ada says they’re being sold on the black market. Ada gives still pictures of zombies, Lickers and Ceruban dogs. Ada says they can establish a master/slave relationship. Svetlana scoffs but Ada says specific organisms can be implanted into its host to establish master or slave. Ada compares it to queen bee and worker bee*

Warlock: ……Las Plagas. Fucking great. Ada’s trying to sell Las Plagas to the Slavic government.

 

*Back in the holding cabin, the old man continues to gag. JD asks Buddy if Ataman is going to be ok. Ataman says they need to get out of there as he starts convulsing. All of a sudden the military show up outside the door. JD goes to open fire but Leon tackles him out of the way and the door blows off its hinges. Four soldiers place JD, Buddy and Leon under arrest as Ataman continues to gag. Suddenly he stops, hunches over and goes quiet. He slowly begins to rise as Leon shouts to keep away from him. Leon “He’s turned!” Altaman’s eyes glow red and he growls. Buddy grabs the gun of the soldier who was guarding him and shoots the soldier directly in front of Altaman. Buddy and the soldier wrestle with each other as Leon spinkicks another one. JD goes to lead Altaman away but he’s shot in the back by another soldier. Buddy blows away the soldier with a machine gun. Leon’s vest saved JD as he staggers away with Buddy carrying Altaman out. Altaman gags as JD and Buddy lead him to a safe corner*

Warlock: What, he can change at will?

 

*JD says to go on without him, he’ll see him again in heaven. He collapses….and Buddy says to stop playing around before kicking him. JD jumps for joy and says “I should have known, Made in America!” Buddy says Leon is dead and to help him with Altaman. Altaman says to leave him there and to go on. Altaman “Go, create a new future.” Buddy pulls out a sidearm and cocks it*

Warlock: Ruh-roh!

 

*Buddy shoots Altaman 5 times as the military arrive. Buddy says he’s going to check on Marco, head for the church. They run off as Leon investigates Altaman’s body….motionless*

Warlock: Sidestepped that landmine.

 

*Leon looks for a way out as Altaman gets up and walks away*

Warlock: Now the shit hits the fan.

 

*Leon finds a room where some guy is lying dead on a table with an axe sticking out of him*

Warlock: Mind if I eat?

 

*Leon finds JD in a corner shaking. Leon without saying anything asks him what’s up. JD frantically points behind Leon. Leon “Do you really think I’m gonna fall for that” and a Los Ganado attacks Leon*

Warlock: JD ain’t lying.

 

*Ganado attacks with hedgeclippers. Leon “Do I look like I need a pruning?”

Warlock: Brutus The Barber Beefcake would approve.

 

*JD shouts not to kill him, Leon says sorry and kills the Ganado. JD “Mr Chenkov!!!” Apparently it was JD’s teacher. Another Ganado bearhugs JD as Leon wrestles with another. JD is overpowered but Leon kills his Ganado. The one on JD goes to give Las Plagas to DJ but Leon kicks him away and kills him. Leon yells at JD to use his gun next time as Leon grabs a tire iron. Leon tells JD to shoot them in the head. He goes to leave but JD says to come with him*

Warlock: “And give me my vest back!”

 

*Leon asks where they are. JD says old partisans used to hole up there back in the day*

Warlock: World War 2 partisans? Watch out for the Chetniks .

 

*3 Ganado’s corner Leon and JD as they try to pry a door open. One of them runs for Leon and he impales through the brain with his iron. Leon shoves JD out the door as Ganado’s plaga emerges from his neck*

Warlock: Stage 1….ugh, nasty creatures.

 

*Leon bolts the door shut behind him as he and JD make it up the ladder*

Warlock: Zombies, plagas….Leon’s seen it all.

 

*JD leads Leon out to the street. A horde of Ganados attack and implant a live plaga into the soldier who transforms into one of them*

Warlock: Great, RE: Degeneration was the sequel to Resident Evil 2. This movie is the sequel to Resident Evil 4.

 

*JD asks what happened to everybody. Leon asks if they can hide somewhere. JD leads Leon to the church Buddy instructed them to go to. JD asks Leon what the hell is going on. Leon explains how Las Plagas works. JD asks what they can do to stop it, Leon says to kill the host. There is no normal cure. All of a sudden Buddy walks out with two goons and says Leon is right. Buddy has some questions for him and Leon says let’s get to the truth. Buddy punches him with a right cross*

Warlock: What a sucker punch!

 

*JD asks Buddy what to do. Buddy says he needs to get Las Plagas since Altaman is gone. JD is skeptical and Buddy calms him down saying get ready for a big attack on the President. He’ll be back later*

Warlock: Yeah….not the way you think.

 

*JD pulls Leon outside and tells him Buddy’s out to get the Plaga. JD reveals it was given to them by the Elders. Leon figures out they injected the “master” plagas into themselves to control the Lickers not knowing the Plagas eventually become self aware. JD gives a sob story say the rebels needed to do that to prevent extraction. JD says he doesn’t want to end up like Irina, Buddy’s ex fiance who died in a military strike*

Warlock: So Buddy is this movie’s Curtis Miller, lovely.

 

*JD explains Buddy was a peaceful schoolteacher who had never held a gun until that point. Meanwhile Buddy finds the Plagas suitcase. JD says he’ll cover for him if he can prevent “Sasha” which is Buddy’s other nickname. JD says he’s in the central market place and Leon takes off. JD is attacked by a Ganado as we cut*

Warlock: Awwww dammit.

 

*Leon returns to the parking lot from earlier but all he finds is the empty suitcase. Ada sneaks up on him and she and Leon spar a bit. Leon “Ada?” Ada “Its been a long time Leon.” Leon asks if she’s behind this, Ada says she didn’t create it, she’s just selling it to the government. Ada asks when are they going to fuck without actually saying so. Leon “Anytime but now”

Warlock: Aw come on, we got an hour left, I’m sure we can squeeze 3 minutes out for a sex montage.

 

*Ada uses a grappling hook gun to fly to safety. She warns Leon the town will be purged soon. Leon “Women.” Meanwhile Svetlana calls her general and says to start the attack and to bring Ada to her*

Warlock: We got an hour left, this can’t be the end.

 

*Leon spots a whole horde of Ganado and spots open chimney’s on verious roofs. Leon “Great, I get to play Santa Claus”

Warlock: *Runs around in a circle shouting* Merry Christmas everyone!!!!!! Wait…there’s no one here.

 

*Ganados stagger and shuffle around*

Warlock: Aww come on, they’re not supposed to be zombies. They’re supposed to function just fine.

 

*Leon makes it back to the church where everyone inside is dead…..except JD. JD gags as Leon asks if he’s ok. JD says he’s fine and asks where Buddy is. Leon says he didn’t find him, they gotta leave because the military is going to burn the city to the ground. JD staggers and Leon asks what’s wrong. JD “Nothing…there’s just something I have to do”

Warlock: Uh-oh.

 

*JD takes the combat vest off and gives it back to Leon. JD makes Leon give him knucks and goes to walk away. Suddenly Buddy emerges from a nearby door. JD “Cool, you’re still human. JD gags and Buddy freaks, pointing a gun at Leon. JD calls him off and says its not Leon’s fault. JD says to go and its time to say goodbye. His eyes go red and he starts convulsing*

Warlock: May want to get a gun ready.

 

*JD goes to attack Buddy but Leon shoots him down. Buddy calls off Leon as JD fights off the plagas long enough to say he joined the resistance just to hang out with Buddy before the Plagas reclaims control. Buddy backs up as a Stage 2 plaga emerges from JD’s exploded head. Leon “I was looking forward to showing you America” and shoots the plaga between the eyes. It dies and Buddy is stunned*

Warlock: So much for JD.

 

*Leon “Trust me, I’ve seen this happen every time”

Warlock: Understatement.

 

*Leon says B.O.W. have no set enemy, its not a friend, only an enemy. They can’t be controlled. Buddy has second thoughts. Leon asks Buddy to give him the plaga. Buddy disagrees with Leon. Suddenly the roof caves in and Buddy goes one way, Leon another. Meanwhile the secretary informs Svetlana that Ada lied to her about working for the BSAA*

Warlock: I could have told you that!

 

*Svetlana “Of course” and evily laughs.*

Warlock: Oh great, now what.

 

*Outside the palace, the military is ready for an attack. 3 rebel trucks approach. They stop before the military barrier and out pop Lickers everywhere*

Warlock: Oh shit.

 

*Ada has tea with Svetlana. She asks where Ada was the night before. Ada “I met an old friend.” Svetlana “Who are you working for?” Ada “I’ll leave that to your imagination.” Svetlana “You’ll never leave this country again, try to stay on my good side.” Ada “Very funny” BOOM! She kicks the table over and disarms the secretary. Svetlana and Ada have a one on one brawl*

Warlock: Cat fight!

 

*Ada reveals that Svetlana is a former martial arts instructor. Svetlana says she still IS an instructor. Ada smashes a glass case and pulls out a combat knife. Ada goes William Strannix on Svetlana but she blocks and dodges every swipe Steven Segal style*

Warlock: As Bobby Heenan would say “Have you ever seen Ada Wong dominated like this before?”

 

*Secretary answers a ringing phone and said the terrorists have broken through the gate. Ada goes to escape but Svetlana barricades the doors. She says her departure has been delayed…permanently. Secretary pulls a shotgun on Ada*

Warlock: Two against one, not very good odds.

 

*The whole palace acts as an elevator as it dives beneath the surface. Meanwhile outside Leon inspects the damage the Lickers caused. He finds a dead one “I keep saying these things make bad pets”

Warlock: No kidding.

 

*Leon runs through the outside of the palace and then inside with bodies and Lickers scattered everywhere. He then notices a puddle of dripping blood and looks up to see two Lickers on the ceiling*

Warlock: Nice homage to the second game.

 

*The Lickers walk right by him and don’t attack*

Warlock: Someone’s controlling them.

 

*A random soldier coughs and alerts now the Lickers attack. One kills the soldier while the other chases Leon. Leon shoots it dead and makes a break for the Presidential office. He runs in and nearly falls down the mile long shaft since the office room elevatored to the ground*

Warlock: Woahhhwe…woahhhhh!!! That was close, that was close.

 

*The second Licker chases Leon and dives….down the shaft*

Warlock: GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

*Ada wakes up hanging from the ceiling. She says “Amateurs, they didn’t even give me a pat down!” She lifts her legs and pulls off one of her heels which flicks a knife on it. She cuts her self down. Ada “I didn’t expect to get into this place so easily”

Warlock: Great, a secret lab.

 

*Leon makes his entrance in the secret warehouse*

Warlock: Swell place for a shootout.

 

*Leon “Pretty impressive for an old nuclear shelter*. Ada runs into Leon and they talk back and forth. The hive contains THOUSANDS of plaga in stasis. Ada tells Leon these aren’t the worker plaga but the masters. Suddenly a whole slew of armed guards run in with Secretary and Svetlana in tow. Svetlana taunts Ada and asks who Leon is. Ada says he’s an American. She tells Leon her bite is worse than her bark. Leon “Say what?

Warlock: Yeah, she’ll kick your ass.

 

*Ada hits a power switch and Leon starts shooting to get away once it goes dark. The armed guards open fire and hit more of themselves than Leon so someone shouts cease fire. When lights go on, Leon holds Svetlana hostage and backs away. Svetlana asks if he knows who he’s messing with and he calls her the beekeeper. Leon says she released the plaga and she says he has no clue. She disarms Leon and he tries to attack, but like with Ada, Svetlana blocks everything until he California rolls away and grabs his handgun*

Warlock: Told you.

 

*Svetlana says to kill Leon as an enemy of the state. They open fire and Leon easily runs away*

Warlock: I know its a CGI movie but that was fake as hell anyway.

 

*A soldier from the outside say creatures are on their way. The cargo elevator opens and…..kills the Licker that had fallen down the shaft. A random soldier checks on the Licker and kicks it. It pops up and soldier shoots it dead for real. Suddenly he looks up and a whole slew of Lickers are hanging from the ceiling. They attack and we get another shootout. Leon looks up and Buddy is watching with his eyes glowing red and two Lickers*

Warlock: Yeah, now it all makes sense.

 

*Leon hops up and Buddy tells one of his Licker guards to get him. Leon is jumped but he manages to wrap his legs around the Licker and angle himself to avoid the fury swipes. Leon shoots it dead and crawls away. He pulls out JD’s flask and says he’s sorry for not stopping Buddy. He opens the flask and drinks from it. He then spots Buddy fleeing as Leon shoots his other Licker guard dead. Leon takes off and follows Buddy while wiping out Lickers left and right. Buddy then orders the Lickers to attack Svetlana and Secretary. After Buddy wipes out the remaining military guards he pounds on the bulletproof glass Secretary and Svetlana are behind. Svetlana reveals everyone but Atlaman jumped ship from the rebellion after she promised to share the oil profits with them. Buddy screams then starts gagging*

Warlock: Here comes the Plagas.

 

*Buddy orders a Licker to attack but then a huge chamber comes out of the ground, launching the Licker flying. A Tyrant (Michael McConnohie) steps out of the chamber and kills the Licker by stepping on it. Leon “Oh great, it just keeps getting better.”

Warlock: T-Virus vs Las Plagas….B.O.W. Wrestlemania.

 

*Buddy orders another Licker to attack but Tyrant dispatches it easily*

Warlock: You were better off with Nemesis.

 

*Secretary and Svetlana leave through another elevator to leave Buddy and Leon behind with another Tyrant emerging from a different chamber. One Tyrant chases Leon and the other attacks Buddy. Leon then shoots a gas chamber to stop the Tyrant momentarily.  The elevator doors shut with Leon and Buddy trapped, until Ada hacks the system to get it to move. Ada “You owe me one”

Warlock: I was just about to ask where she was.

 

*Buddy and Leon make it to the elevator. Buddy uses the last remaining Licker to attack Tyrant long enough so they can escape. Buddy asks why he’s helping him. Leon says don’t get sentimental, he doesn’t care about him, he wants the world to know what happened here*

Warlock: Yeah, like they found out about Spain, Leon?

 

*Both Tyrants jump into the elevator but the weight causes it to crash back down below just as Buddy and Leon hop out a hatch to a service ladder. They climb out. Meanwhile Secretary walks in on Svetlana changing and says Leon and Buddy escaped and the city has been evacuated. Once otuside, a Tyrant kills a rebel and a Licker at the same time*

Warlock: This reminds me for the first game when the Hunters replaced the Zombies near the end of the game.

 

*Buddy gathers Lickers outside to attack Tyrant. They manage to subdue him for a second before he breaks free and kills all but one. He chases one to a gas truck and kills it by implaing it through…but the gas leaks all over it. Leon says “Nice work Buddy” and shoots the gas truck. It explodes…but all it does is take off the Tyrant’s inhibiting suit*

Warlock: Oh great, now you can’t control it.

 

*Tyrant goes berserk and starts wiping out shit left and right. Leon shoots a rocket launcher, missing Tyrant completely. He fires a second rocket and Tyrant catches it mid-air. and throws it away,  blowing up a truck. Tyrant knocks down Leon and goes to finish him off when Buddy has 3 Lickers attack Tyrant*

Warlock: How many god damn Lickers are there?

 

*Tyrant throws Leon away and dispatches the Lickers. Meanwhile Buddy kamikazes the Tyrant with a panzer*

Warlock: Mr. America would be proud.

 

*Leon hops in the tank too and he arms the turret. A Licker hops on Tyrant’s head and Leon blows both away*

Warlock: BOOMSHAKALAKA!

 

*Leon “Didn’t expect to be saved by B.O.W.’s” Buddy climbs out of the tank and Leon says “Want to grab a few beers?” Buddy “Are you buying?” Suddenly another two Tyrants show up without their suits. Leon grabs Buddy and makes a run for it as Svetlana announces a sales pitch that B.O.W.’s were used by rebels to take over and the government dispatched them. Therefore, they deserve to be in the UN. Suddenly she stops reading the speech, she’s just rehearsing. She says she’ll improvise. Secretary says the BSAA will put out a warrant for Ada. Leon and Buddy are still alive but its only a matter of time. Svetlana “At last, a new tomorrow begins.”

Warlock: How are they going to end this?>

 

*The tyrants approach Buddy and Leon in the middle of the steet outside the palace. Leon is out of ammo and pulls a knife. Tyrant charges but is blown away by a middle shot from a jet plane overhead. The second Tyrant charges and it too is blown away by a missile*

Warlock: What the hell?

 

*Leon “They were keeping and eye on me the whole time.” Meanwhile Svetlana goes to make her speech but Secretary runs in and says the Americans and Russians are attacking. Sure enough a whole air force and the Russian army invade the East Slav Republic, blow away any B.O.W. and take the guards hostage. Leon is leaning over a balcony with Buddy behind him*

Warlock: There’s 12 minutes left, this can’t be the end.

 

*Buddy figures out the Russians and the Americas had a working agreement all along. He asks if Leon was in on it. Leon says if he was he wouldn’t be there, he’d be on vacation. Leon tosses him JD’s flask and Buddy drinks from it. Buddy says he’s lost everything and has nothing left to fight for. He wants Leon to kill him, please. He doesn’t want to be controlled by Las Plagas*

Warlock: Oh yeah, there’s no cure for advanced stage.

 

*Buddy pulls a gun and puts it under his chin. Leon stops him and grabs the gun. Leon gives a speech about how he needs to live to preserve the memories of his friends and their cause. He says he needs to fight even if he has no limbs and shoots him*

Warlock: Oh yeah, I forgot about that. You can kill the plagas but it leaves you paralyzed for life.

 

*Leon watches the news where Hunnigan says a temporary government headed by the US and Russia will keep the peace over the East Slav Republic until a new monarchy goes up. Svetlana has resigned as presidency and the top brass has been thrown out of the country. Leon says the president knew all along that Svetlana had B.O.W.’s and waited for the country to tear itself apart so he could move in with Russia to take over. Hunnigan says that’s not true but Leon says don’t bother explaining*

Warlock: Of course they knew, why the hell do you think you were there to begin with?

 

*Ada makes a transmission of her own that the facility has been destroyed but she’s in control of the last remaining master plaga. She says she doesn’t know whether to send it or not. The unnamed contact holds up something and Ada says “That’s nice of you, although I wanted to add “international arrest warrant” to my resume. End transmission, end credits*

Warlock: So what happened to Buddy?

 

*The credits stop as Buddy pushes himself in a wheelchair on his way to school with JD’s flask hanging from his chair*

Warlock: What useless kids, won’t even give him a push? Pfft.

 

*Credits resume with Carry On by Anna Tsuchiya with scenes from the video game Resident Evil 6*

Warlock: Yeah, the one team-up the fans were waiting 15 years to see, Leon and Chris Redfield. It came out literally a week after this.

 

 

The Warlock’s Assessment: 7 out of 10

Final Grade: 7 out of 10 – Great

 

*Warlock stands up after sitting on the ground*

Warlock: Well that was pretty good. As sad as it sounds, the movie was pretty much made as an add-on to the upcoming Resident Evil 6 game. One giant preview if you will. Knowing that, it was still enjoyable. You had two generations of Resident Evil coming together with Las Plagas and the T-Virus with Ganados, Tyrants and Lickers. All they missed was Nemesis bumbling around warbling “STARSSSSSSSS”. The Ada and Svetlana fight scene was cool and the CGI was top notch. The voice acting, like most voice acting, isn’t really great but that’s more to do with it being animated. It was better than Degeneration that’s for sure. Well that about wraps up….

*He looks around, 15 zombies have him surrounded, waiting to attack*

Warlock: Oh…fuck….

*He flicks his wrist and flame appears*

Warlock: Let’s dance….COME ON MOTHER FUCKERS.

*Warlock goes apeshit Hudson from Aliens style but the zombies continue to swarm and get closer*

Warlock: YOU WANT SOME, FUCK YOU, COME AND GET IT..COME AND GET IT!

*The zombies overpower Warlock as he wakes up in his bed kicking and screaming*

Warlock: COME ON FUCKER, YOU TOO…FUCK YOU..AHHHHH

*Neyzor Blades runs in and screams at him*

Neyz: WILL YOU STOP??

*Warlock looks around*

Warlock: Wait, what?

Neyz: You were having a nightmare.

*Warlock slumps his head*

Warlock: So I never did see the movie then.

Neyz: What movie?

*Warlock smiles*

Warlock: Well since you asked.

Neyz: Oh great….

Warlock: Have a pleasant evening.

 

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