*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a white t-shirt, black leather jacket, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a mug of pepsi*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock shoots fire into the sky and enters the lair*
Warlock: With the theatrical release of Inferno, The Grand Wizard and I decided to back to the beginning. That’s right, we’re watching the movie adaptation of Dan Brown’s The Da Vinci Code.
*The Grand Wizard is sitting in his rocking chair and he nods*
Warlock: So let’s get started shall we?
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: Let’s start The Da Vinci Code.
*Grand Wizard reads the tag-line*
Wizard: “A murder inside the Louvre and clues in Da Vinci paintings lead to the discovery of a religious mystery protected by a secret society for two thousand years — which could shake the foundations of Christianity.”
Warlock: The Illuminati, wonderful.
Wizard: Got some good twists to it though.
*Movie opens with graphic and opens
Wizard: Tom Hanks is an art historian, he’s consulted about certain pieces whether they’re fake or not.
*Some old guy runs through the Louvre*
Warlock: Always wanted to go there.
*Silas (Paul Bettany) pulls a gun on the old guy and he gives up the secret of an old church. Silas thanks him and shoots him*
Warlock: That’s some gratitude for ya.
*Robert Langdon (Tom Hanks) takes the podium for a presentation of Symbols. He fools the crowd about symbols and says symbolism is interpreted by the individual, not the collective. Later he signs books for adoring fans*
Warlock: Gotta make a living.
*Lieutenant Colet (Etienne Chicot) shows Robert a picture of Sauniere the old guy (Jean-Pierre Marielle) who castrated himself after he was shot. Robert is freaked*
Warlock: Wow, that is creepy.
*Silas talks to his unknown “Teacher” on the phone and says everyone is dead and he will find the hidden location. He then strips naked and mutilates himself*
Wizard: Every time he kills, he has to punish himself.
*Colet drops Langdon off at the Louvre. Captain Fache (Jean Reno) introduces himself to Robert*
Warlock: I heard he’s a Professional.
Wizard: Sirius Black thinks so.
*Fache leads Robert to the elevator and Robert would rather take the stairs*
Warlock: He’s afraid of them? Yikes.
*Fache shows Robert the body, carved a pentacle into himself*
Warlock: Mind if I eat?
*Michael interviews Bishop Manuel Arinagosa (Alfred Molina) but he blows him off to get info from the Teacher as well*
Warlock: He’s into it too.
*Robert says there’s a deifference between pentacle and pentagram. This is a symbol of the goddess Venus. Officer Sophie Neveu (Audrey Tautou) barges in and says it was a Fibonacci Sequence written on the ground. Meanwhile Robert gets an anonymous voicemail saying don’t tell anything to Fache and he’s in danger*
Warlock: Uh oh.
*Robert freaks out and has to bail to the bathroom. Robert walks in and Neveu is in there. He has a GPS tracking dot in his jacket, they’re watching him. Neveu reveals Fache thinks HE’S the primary suspect. She says he wont stop until he gets a confession. Sophie reveals she lived with Sauniere and she knows Robert didn’t do it. Fache waits for him in the command center as Sophie opens a window*
Wizard: Now they’re gonna be on the run.
*Sophie and Robert make a jump and run for it. The French police lose him*
Wizard: Christ, that was half the Parisian force.
*Sophie gives a little backstory of her and Sauniere’s relationship. He was her mentor*
Wizard: So now these two are locked the rest of the movie.
*Robert discovers a fallacy which the code Sauniere left behind. He translates the anagram to Leonardo Da Vinci: The Mona Lisa*
Warlock: Now they have to go search for clues.
*Fache finds the tracking device in a bar of soap*
*Robert and Sophie inspect the Mona Lisa, the next clue is Madonna of The Rocks. He finds the Fleur-De-Lis and splits before the cops get there*
Waizrd: And here they come back.
*Sophie says the cross was Sauniere’s. Robert brings up the Priory of Scion. He explains its a mythical society that guards God’s power on Earth. Isaac Newton, Da Vinci and apparently Sauniere himself. Sophie spots the police in front of the US Embassy and hightails it backwards to evade capture*
Wizard: Backwards on the sidewalk in a half-car? Its only a movie.
*Silas crosses himself and says “God give me strength”
Wizard: Who’s he gonna kill now?
*Silas has a flashback of killing his abusive father and going to jail. Bishop Aringarosa (Alfred Molina) bails him out and he later is attacked by two thieves. Silas kills the thieves and Aringarosa christens him an angel*
Warlock: That’s great backstory.
*Silas asks Sister Sandrine (Marie-Francoise Audollent) what’s beneath there. She gives an oral backstory. Silas thanks her creepily and she walks off*
Warlock: Hasn’t killed anyone yet.
*Fache and Collet banter back and forth over who killed Sauniere. Fache is covinced Langdon did it*
Warlock: Wouldn’t make any sense at all.
*Silas smashes his way through the floor and finds a JOB quote in rock*
Wizard: Sister Sandrine is watching him.
*Sophie explains Sauniere was her grandfather and he always planted riddles for her. She says the Priory could be real. He says he hopes not. He gives the story of how a French King conquered Jerusalem on orders from the Priory of Scion to find an ancient artifact. They found it and went directly to Rome. The Vatican dubbed them the Templar Knights. Then on Friday the 13th, 1307 the Vatican had the Templar Knights around Europe killed. Only a few escaped and took the artifact with them. The artifact, God’s power, was the Holy Grail. The pendant Sauniere is more or less his membership ID as a Priory.*
Warlock: Brilliant….they’re after the holy grail.
*Sister Sandrine calls the cops on Silas but he kills her with the Job stone*
Wizard: Well that answers that.
*Bishop Aringarosa is on his way to a council meeting. Aringarosa asks for 20 million to spread the word of God. They scoff and he goes on a rant saying the Holy Grail will be destroyed and the Priory’s last members will be killed. He was contacted by “The Teacher”*
Warlock: Why is he telling them all that?
*Sophie and Robert are at a Swiss bank. Vernet (Jurgen prochow) creepily tells them they’ve had accounts there for 50 years unopened, some longer. Sophie figures out the pendant is a key to a box. The 10 digit Fibonacci code is actually the bank account number. They punch in the code and out pops a temperature controlled box. Inside is the Rose bix that Silas was after. Vernet barges in and says the cops are on their way and he’s on their side. He leads them to an armored car where Robert gets claustrophobic again*
Warlock: Oh yeah.
*Vernet masquarades as a truck driver to fool Collet, who almost catches him by spotting a rolex on his wrist. Vernet says its a piece of shit and his for 30 Euro’s*
*Silas mutilates himself again naked as the Prefect (Francesco Carnelutti) says Aringarosa is putting a lot of faith in the Teacher*
Wizard: Time to hurt himself again.
*Sophie opens the box and inside is a cryptex. A scroll is inside. If you force it open, a chamber of vinegar dissolves the scroll. It has to be opened by entering the password. Robert is clearly uncomfortable so Sophie tries an old method that her mother used on her….moments before a truck smashed into the car, killing her mother, father and brother*
Warlock: Holy shit.
Wizard: Everyone has their secrets.
*The truck stop and Vernet pulls a gun on them, he wants the box. He fires a warning shot but the shell casing falls into the truck. Robert kicks the shell casing into the door so Vernet can’t close it. Robert kicks the door open that cracks him in the head. He steals the keys and drives off with Sophie, Vernet is left behind. Robert asks what she’s doing in all this. Robert says he knows someone who can help*
Warlock: A likely story.
*Fache catches Vernet at the hospital. Fache says the truck he was in has a homing device and asks to activate it. Meanwhile Robert is at the mansion of Sir Leigh Teabing (Ian McKellen) who asks him random questions to test his loyalty*
Warlock: Magneto’s been keeping busy.
*Fache is on his way to Teabing’s mansion, Fache calls up Aringarosa*
Wizard: He’s working for Aringarosa too.
Warlock: Everybody is in on this.
*Robert introduces Sophie to Teabing. He appears friendly and jovial. Robert wants to know about the Priory of Scion. He says the Holy Grail isn’t God’s power, but the Church’s power. Teabing says the Grail is not a mere cup. Constantine was a lifelong pagan who was baptized on his deathbed. Centuries after Christianity was formed, followers of Christ waged war on the Pagans in a Holy War. Constantine wanted to unite Rome under one religion, Christianity, in 325 AD. He formed the Council of Nicaea to distribute Christian rituals, rights, etc*
Warlock: Holy wars, gotta love them.
*Robert and Leigh go back and forth before Sophie gets in the middle of it. Leigh tells Sophie to close her eyes and analyze the Holy Grail painting. Jesus was supposedly drinking wine from the Holy Grail yet there are no cups in the painting. So what is the Holy Grail? Leigh says the Holy Grail is not a cup, but a woman. Mary Magdalene, Jesus’ wife. Her name was smeared in 591 as Robert scoffs and calls this an old wives tale*
*Leigh says Da Vinci painted Mary as the one he loved the most and it was HER, not Peter that was to continue his following. The Catholic church was trying to cover up that Jesus Christ was a powerful prophet but just a man, not the son of God. Supposedly Mary was pregnant with Jesus’ unborn child. Hence why the Catholic Church freaked out and insisted Jesus was the son of God all these years. More story reveals that the inquisition to kill women for 300 years was the Church trying to find the descendants of Jesus and Mary, kill them and protect the image. The Priory of the Scion is protecting the living descendants of Jesus Christ and Mary Magdalen*
Wizard: You get all that?
*Leigh is called away to watch the news where Robert and Sophie are wanted for murder. Leigh shouts at them to leave but Robert figures it all out. Sauniere was her grandfather and at the top of the list to be the next Grand Master. Leigh doesn’t believe him until he pulls out the Keystone as Silas sneaks up on the trio*
Warlock: Its about to go down.
*Collet and the cops arrive outside the mansion. Meanwhile Leigh analyzes the keystone. Inside is a map that will lead to the Holy Grail. Leigh asks if he passed down the Fleur De Lis. Suddenly Silas attacks Roberts*
*Silas pulls a gun on Sophie and demands the Keystone. He points it at Leigh and Leigh hands it over, then goes apeshit on him with a crutch. Then Sophie joins in to smash his head in. She steals the gun, picks up Robert and Leigh has his assistant ties up Silas. Leigh figures out Silas is Opus Dei (God’s work). Robert realizes Fache is Opus Dei as well. Leigh leads Robert and Sophie to a truck to evade the police. They drive off*
Warlock: Oh boy, a chase scene.
Wizard: In the pitch black.
*Silas is tied up in the back. Leigh says the Opus Dei is trying to conceal the real bloodline of Jesus by killing the Priory and anybody who stands in the way. The Vatican would face a backlash the world has never seen if its found out about the real bloodline. Meanwhile Collet confronts Fache about the goose chase. Remy Jean (Jean-Ives Berteloot) is the driver of the truck. They make it to the plane. On the plane, Sophie slaps around Silas and asks if he killed her grandfather. He never says yes or no, only that she’s a living sin and the shadow will be kept there. She responds by saying his God burns murderers*
Warlock: Burn, bitch burn….wooooooooo
*The prefect and Aringarosa go over the battle plan. They are to find the Holy Grail, destroy it and burn it so DNA could never be tested. Fache browbeats an air traffic control guy to give up the location of where Leigh’s plane is going. Meanwhile Leigh says Mary Magdalene is buried in a sarcophagus*
Warlock: That’s what Aringarosa is after.
*Robert pops off the Rose on the keystone and behind it is a code. The Templar Knights were buried in Temple Church in London. They’re on their way now. Meanwhile Collet confronts Fache about what this is really about. Fache says he’s Opus Dei and Collet says he knows. Fache reveals Aringarosa said Langdon killed Sauniere and its up to Fache to stop Robert*
Warlock: Aringarosa lied to him.
*Collet says they’re on their way to London*
Warlock: How would HE know that?
Wizard: Just watch, you’ll see.
*When Leigh’s plane lands, the cops are on their way. Remy blows by the traffic guys and enter a hanger. Leigh exits the plane with Remy and tells the Inspector to shoot them if necessary. The cops search the plane and find nothing. Remy and Leigh drive off with Robert and Sophie in the back of the car. Its revealed they jumped in the car BEFORE the cops got to the plane. Meanwhile Aringarosa gets a call from the Teacher saying he’ll deliver the Grail. Aringarosa leaves the Prefect and the Prefect says if this fails, they don’t have his back*
Warlock: The Vatican covering something up? Ya don’t say!
*Leigh reveals Robert is claustrophobic because he fell into a well as a child*
Warlock: Took them this long to do that?
*Leigh, Robert and Sophie enter the Temple Church. They go over the tombs to find out which one has the Orb. Robert then figures out they’re not tombs, they are effergies. Suddenly Silas appears and chases Sophie*
Warlock: Where did HE come from?
*Silas pulls a knife on Sophie and demands the Keystone. Remy runs in and pulls a gun. Robert says not to shoot, he doesn’t have a clear shot. Suddenly Remy turns the gun on Robert and says he does. Leigh asks what’s going on and Remy pistol whips him*
Warlock: What a heel turn.
*Remy orders Leigh thrown in the trunk as Robert and Sophie run for it. Silas does as he’s told as Remy continues the chase. They lose him and Leigh says he needs to find a phone*
Warlock: 40 minutes left, jesus.
*Remy admits he’s the Teacher to Silas*
Warlock: The butler is the Teacher? I don’t think so.
Wizard: Nope, not even close.
*Remy pulls over and tells Silas his work is done. He’ll take over from here. Meanwhile Remy gets his payoff from the REAL Teacher. He admits he fooled Silas and he’ll go to the grave knowing Teacher’s real identity*
Warlock: If you haven’t figured it out already.
*Remy realizes he’s been poisoned by the Teacher after drinking from his flask*
Warlock: That gets rid of him.
*The Teacher is…..LEIGH. He gets his money back and reveals the location of Sophie and Robert to Fache*
Warlock: Saw that a mile away.
*Robert says they’re looking for Isaac Newton who was a grand master of the Priory. The Catholic Church spurned him. The pope referred to that resided at Newton’s funeral wasn’t a catholic pope but Alexander Pope, the person. Sophie finds cane marks in the dust as Leigh makes his appearance. He reveals Sophie is the last remaining Priory. Leigh reveals he’s the one who killed her grandfather. Leigh pulls a gun and asks if they can all be friends again*
Warlock: Yeah, we just imagined the whole thing.
*The police pull up outside Silas’ lair. Leigh sold him out as the murderer*
Warlock: Well it was true, he WAS the murderer.
*Silas is shot by cops and he starts shooting back, he then accidentally plugs Arigarosa. Silas then is shot and killed by the cops. He says “I am a ghost” before he dies*
Warlock: So much for them.
*Leigh reveals his plan is to expose the Catholic Church for the scumbags they are. Fache then confronts Arigarosa on a gurney that Langdon never confessed. Fache then says to take Bishop away*
Wizard: Fache’s nickname is “The Bulldog” for a reason.
*Leigh reveals his plan was to masquerade as a Council of Shadows (Opus Dei) member to get to the Grail. He rolls the Cryptext to Sophie and says if she opens it, he’ll put down the gun. She can’t do it but Robert thinks he can. Leigh says if he can’t, she dies*
Warlock: Defeats the whole purpose.
*Robert daydreams for clues then he forces it open…ruining the map. Robert says only the worthy find the Grail. The cops rush in and Sophie puts the gun down. Fache says Leigh is under arrest. They haul him off as he screams at Robert for ruining it. He rants and raves as he’s taken away*
Warlock: Yeah, he’s not insane or anything.
*Robert reveals he solved it, the password was Apple….what Newton based his life’s work on. They look at the scroll and Robert says Rossilyn Chapel is where the tomb lies. Robert says Sauniere called him a historical flatfoot, meaning he never got his hands dirty*
Warlock: Until now.
*In the Chapel, Sophie has a flashback of when she was there in the past. Robert spots the pagan pentacle and walks downstairs to a private room. The curator follows them as Robert pulls back a rug to reveal a secret chamber leading below. They walk down the stairs and find a potted rose where the sarcophagus was*
Warlock: They moved it.
*The curator lets a bunch of shady characters inside as Sophie reveals she found no record of the accident that killed her family. Her grandfather yelled at her and made sure she never told anyone or look for her family. Robert reveals he wasn’t her grandfather. Robert reveals a newspaper that says the accident killed the whole family. Robert says that she survived and the Priory hid her with the Grand Master himself. The newspaper was a cover up. She comes from the Saint-Clare family, one of the most powerful in French history. She wasn’t supposed to protect the holy grail, she IS the Holy Grail*
Wizard: What do you say to that?
*Robert and Sophie walk back up the stairs where a dozen people wait. An elderly lady proclaims she’s her grandmother and these are the Priory. She’s home now*
Warlock: Should we believe it?
*Sophie and Robert banter. Sophie reveals the location of the sarcophagus died with Sauniere so they’ll never get to find out if she’s REALLY a descendant of Jesus Christ. Robert says when he was down in the well he prayed so it doesn’t matter if its real or not. He asks if she’s going to destroy faith or renew it. She thanks him. He says his goodbye as she pretends to walk on water*
*Back in his hotel room, Robert cuts himself shaving and the blood in the sink forms a sword. He looks in his own book and realizes something. He follows the “Rose Line” and realizes the sarcophagus is underneath a glass panel outside the Louvre*
Warlock: Hiding out in plain view.
Wizard: All symbolism.
The Wizard had no assesment:
The Warlock’s Assessment: It was a thrillride that had you on the edge of your seat the whole way. You didn’t know who to trust and you didn’t know what was going to happen next. You had to be an expert to catch the swerves before they happened. All in All I give it a 9 out of 10.
Final Grade: 9 out of 10: Amazing
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: That was a great, great movie adaptation. The book gives a lot more details but the movie kept up big time. The actors did a tremendous job, the cinematography was outstanding and the plot twists worked well into the storyline. Even though the work was a fiction, it did make you wonder on what kind of shady business the Catholics and Christians were up to in the few centuries following the death of Jesus Christ. Actually, the movie felt like a darker, bloodier National Treasure except with world history instead of American history. It made for a great movie. That about wraps up another great adventure, have a pleasant evening.