*The Warlock is sitting on the couch watching WWE Monday Night Raw with Thug D. Warlock is wearing a t-shirt that says ICE CREAM MAN POLICE DEPARTMENT on the front and WE BELIEVE YOU on the back along with blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. Thug D is in the recliner wearing a jean jacket with metal band patches on it, an Iced Earth t-shirt, black jeans, sneakers and Oaklies shades*
D: I’m thirsty, got anything to drink?
Warlock: Coke or pepsi?
*Warlock flicks his wrist and the kitchen refrigerator door opens. He flicks his wrist again and a can of coke flies out into D’s hands*
D: How the hell do you do that?
Warlock: Don’t ask.
D: Ok Carrie.
D: Carrie..you know…the Stephen King character?
Warlock: Oh THAT Carrie, never seen it.
Warlock: Yeah, never seen it. Wanted to but never got around.
D: Turn Raw off right now, we’re watching it.
Warlock: Oh fine.
*Warlock cancels out of Raw and D pops the dvd in*
Warlock: Whats this about anyway?
D: You’ll see.
*Thug D reads the tag-line*
D: “Carrie White, a shy, friendless 17 year-old girl who is sheltered by her domineering, religious mother, unleashes her telekinetic powers after being humiliated by her classmates at her senior prom.”
Warlock: I think we all wish we could have done that at prom.
*Movie opens with girls volleyball*
Warlock: Helloooooooooo ladies.
*Carrie (Sissy Spacek) loses the match point for her team. Every girl makes fun of her. Chris (Nancy Allen) tells her to eat shit*
*Opening credits in girls shower with nudity abound*
Warlock: This is no longer the worst movie of all time one minute into it.
D: We got bush!
*Carrie showers alone*
Warlock: Pancake ass
D: Nobody had ass in the 70’s.
Warlock: How is that possible?
D: Gotta love the softcore porn soundtrack here.
*Slow motion shot of Carrie showering*
Warlock: Is this a movie or softcore porn?
*Carrie gets her period in the shower*
Warlock: My first period?
*Girls make fun of Carrie and throw towels at her. The gym teacher consoles her until Carrie screams, making an overhead light explode*
Warlock: Holy shit these girls are brutal.
*Guy walks down the hall*
D: Parachute pants before they were cool.
*Mr Morton (Stefan Gierasch) talks with Miss Finch. Morton keeps calling her Cassie until Carrie freaks out and uses her power to break his ash tray*
Warlock: This guy’s memory totally sucks.
*Some kid on a bike calls her Creepy Carrie and Carrie makes him fall down with her power*
*Carrie’s mom Margaret (Piper Larr ue) visits Mrs Snell (Priscilla Pointer) who doesn’t appreciate being called Godless by Margaret. Mrs Snell says Sue (Amy Irving) won’t like being told that either. Mrs. Snell gives her 10 dollars and she storms out*
Warlock: Holy moly, so ungrateful.
*Margaret storms home and gets a phone call. Carrie comes downstairs and Margaret hits her with the bible and drags her by the hair around*
Warlock: Jesus, all because she got her period?
D: Damn, other kids had to worry about getting an F on their report card.
*Margaret is locked in a closet, she prays to a scary looking Jesus figure*
Warlock: Hey look its Jimmy Page.
*Carrie walks into her mom’s room*
D: Sorry I had my period mom, I’ll think better next time.
*Margaret allows Carrie to go to bed*
Warlock: No dinner?
D: No, eating is a sin.
*Carrie cries into her mirror and breaks it using her power*
Warlock: Holy shit, now she’s really gonna get her ass kicked.
*Margaret asks what the noise was*
D: Don’t talk back to me girl!
Warlock: The mom doesn’t see the mirror shattered?
*Girl wearing red shirt, overalls and red hat sits behind Tommy (William Katt)*
Warlock: Hey look its Mario….who doesn’t know howto change clothes.
*Mr. Fromm (Sydney Lassick) kisses Tommy’s ass for being a star athlete and making a wonderful poem. Carrie calls it beautiful. Mr. Fromm makes fun of her. Tommy “You suck.” Mr. Fromm “Did you say something?” Tommy “I said aww shucks*
*Janitor cleans up graffiti that says Carrie White Eats Shit*
Warlock: These kids are BRUTAL.
*Helen (Edie McClurg) is in the gym class*
D: Recognize her?
Warlock: Yeah, the secretary from Buehler’s Day Off.
D: She was a lot thinner her.
*Miss Collins the gym teacher (Betty Buckley) yells at everyone. Sue, Norma (PJ Soles) the Mario girl and Chris. They all snicker at Collins until she drops a bombshell that they’re suspended from prom. They all freak out until Collins said she WANTED them suspended but instead they get in house detention with Collins. Anyone NOT attending is barred from prom*
Warlock: The heels get it in the wallet.
*Collins puts the girls through calisthenics for bullying Carrie*
Warlock: Haha apart from Helen, they’re all in shape anyway.
D: This is what bullies got back then?
Warlock: Gotta love the days of corporal punishment.
*Carrie thumbs through the library looking for miracles*
*Chris refuses to run and Collins tells her to keep moving. Chris calls her a bitch and Collins slaps her*
Warlock: OH yeah!!!
*Chris tries to rally the girls to protest,they’re all scared of Collins so they refuse. Chris storms off and says this isn’t over*
Warlock: Classic heel line.
*Sue wants to talk to Tommy*
D: I’m pregnant.
*Sue wants Tommy to take Carrie to the prom*
Warlock: They cut before he could run away screaming with his arms flailing over his head.
*Chris is in the car with Billy Nolan (John Travolta). Freddy (Michael Talbott) pulls up*
Warlock: Heh, Switek from Miami Vice again.
D: Wasn[t he doing Welcome Back Kotter at the time?
*The cops pull up and Billy drops the beer he was drinking on her*
*Chris calls him a dumb shit, he slaps her*
Warlock: Lot of violence in this movie.
*Sue and Tommy watch a western. Tommy says he’ll ask Carrie*
Warlock: Only cost her 500 bucks.
*Billy calls Chris a pain right in the ass*
*Billy and Chris make out in the car*
D: I wonder when Travolta became a scientologist?
Warlock: Probably after being in this movie.
*Chris calls him a dumb shit again, he slaps her harder*
Warlock: He’s playing the same character he was in Welcome Back Kotter.
D: Well I’m sure he was told to do that.
*Chris goes down on Billy and keeps saying his name*
D: Is she saying this while sucking his dick?
Warlock: Not polite to talk with your mouth full.
*Chris says she hates Carrie. Billy “Who?”
Warlock: Yeah really. Talk about a buzzkill.
*Tommy uncomfortably tries to get to know Carrie*
Warlock: Yeah, really gonna impress him with sewing books.
*Tommy asks Carrie to the prom, Carrie runs away without answering*
Warlock: Your first rejection kid, get used to it.
*Carrie is distraught, Collins asks what happened. Carrie says Tommy asked her out on a dare*
Warlock: See, she’s not stupid.
*Collins tries to hype her up as beautiful and tells her to get ready for prom. Collins then asks Sue and Tommy what’s going on*
Warlock: Hahaha. This is awesome.
*Tommy asks what the big deal is. Collins says its a big deal to Carrie. Sue says she’s trying to help, Collins says its hurting her*
Warlock: All this for Carrie?
*Tommy knocks on Carrie’s door. Tommy “So this is where you live huh?”
Warlock: What kind of stupid question is that?
*Tommy reiterates that he wants to take her to prom on his own free will. She says she can’t go to prom. Her mother shouts for her*
D: Carrie, standing at the door is a sin!
*Tommy wants to ask her because she liked her poem*
Warlock: Nice recovery.
*Freddy, Billy, Chris and someone else walk to a pig pen*
Warlock: What the hell are they doing?
D: Getting a bucket of Pigs blood.
Warlock: They’re not gonna show it are they?
*Billy kills a pig*
Warlock: What the fuck?
*Carrie tells her mom she’s going to prom. Margaret says no. Carrie refuses to go to the closet. Margaret starts brow beating her*
D: This movie shows how awful religion can be in the wrong hands.
*Margaret refuses to listen. Carrie starts using her powers to shut the windows to the Psycho theme*
Warlock: What’s with the Psycho theme?
*Margaret tries to enforce her will but a now calm Carrie says her dad ran away with another woman, she’s going to prom and there’s nothing Margaret can do to stop her*
Warlock: That’s more like it.
*Back in the auditorium, Billy and Chris prepare the bucket of blood for a prank at prom*
D: This doesn’t make sense when the timecomes.
*Freddy asks Ernest (Anson Downes) he’ll be on the committee balot at 8 much to Chris’ delight*
Warlock: Yeah, this doesn’t make sense.
*Helen and Norma make fun of Carrie at the salon*
D: You’re one to talk four eyes. You’d be lucky to get a date with someone who works at Burger King!
Warlock: This reminds me of my high school, even the nerds made fun of people.
*Chris reveals her evil plot to Norma. Meanwhile Carrie gets ready for prom with a 70’s tune in the background*
Warlock: Gotta love the disco seventies.
*George (Harry Gold) and The Beak (Doug Cox) try on tuxedos with Tommy*
Warlock: Who the hell are these guys? Nice character development…not.
*Margaret makes fun of Carrie as she puts on lipstick. Margaret wants to burn the dress in the name of god*
D: Sad thing is, there are people like this in the fucking world.
*Margaret starts pulling her own hair and says the kids are going to make fun of her. Carrie uses her power to throw her down as Tommy arrives outside the house*
Warlock: Imagine if he walked in on this?
*Margaret curses her as she leaves*
Warlock: Wonder if she’ll be the final one Carrie goes after.
*Tommy and Carrie pull up to prom. Carrie is hesitant to walk inside. Tommy “Are you scared?” Carrie “Mmmhmm”
Warlock: See, she’s not stupid.
*Vance or Towers plays at prom*
Warlock: Not exactly Thin Lizzy.
D: We couldn’t get Jimmy Page but we got the next best thing, the guy who once had a conversation with John Bonham.
*Norma dances at prom*
Warlock: She’s still wearing that god damned hat.
*Freddy and Norma laugh at Carrie*
Warlock: This is the first movie I can imagine where the movie is 90% heels.
*Slow dance music plays. Carrie doesn’t want to dance. Collins says they make a great couple. Tommy buzzes off as Collins and Carrie have a heart to heart. Collins says her prom date was a 6 foot 7 basketball player. She wore 3 inch spiked heels and their car broke down. She walked so far in those heels that she couldn’t dance, she could just sit and talk. So if that’s all Carrie’s doing, its not so bad*
Warlock: Actual character bonding.
*Tommy cracks a joke about not hugging other guys and Carrie smiles*
Warlock: Wow, an actual funny joke.
*Tommy asks if she wants to go to the after-party with him. Carrie says she’ll go*
Warlock: American Pie 20 years before.
*Tommy and Carrie dance*
Warlock: Wait a minute, this was 1976. That means Michael Bolton stole HIS hair.
*Tommy and Carrie bond on the floor. She’s nervous*
Warlock: A little word of advice, they’re just as nervous as you.
*Carrie kisses Tommy and asks why she’s here. Tommy says its the prom. Carrie doesn’t buy it. Tommy tries to make Carrie feel better*
D: I gotta re-read the book. I don’t remember Travolta being in school.
Warlock: Maybe he was a dropout.
*Carrie and Tommy laugh*
D: The sad part is he’s being genuine right now, that’s what makes what’s coming up so sad.
*Tommy and Carrie are on the Prom King and Queen ballot. Tommy explains if they win, they get their own private dance in front of everyone*
Warlock: Now it all makes sense. Why Freddy wanted to be on the committee and why the bucket of blood is placed where it is.
*Tommy and Carrie vote for each other. Tommy “The devil with false modesty” Carrie “The devil.” Meanwhile Margaret chops at the chopping board*
D: Jesus Chris lady its just the prom.
*Norma collects all the ballots with Freddy*
D: Her dress is hideous too.
Warlock: Take off that hat! Raise your right hand!
*Norma and Freddy kiss as a cover up to drop the real ballots and bring over the rigged ones to the teachers*
Warlock: I got a pretty good idea what’s about to happen, but imagine if she ran with it instead of getting horrified? She gets the blood dropped on her and she laughs it off, saying “good one guys!” The kids would have been stoned cold. They would have been beat at their own game.
D: Doesn’t make for a good movie though.
Warlock: Good point.
*Teachers count the ballots with Chris and Billy under the stage. Sue walks in to watch the proceedings. Tommy and Carrie win prom king and queen*
Warlock: Wow, never saw that coming…
*Carrie and Tommy slow motion walk to the stage*
D: Uh oh.
*Sue and Collins are happy for Carrie as she’s given the crown. Sue then notices the bucket of blood*
D: If she held on to the stage, it probably wouldn’t fall.
*Sue notices the bucket placement and Chris’ hands. Sue goes to stop Chris but Collins pulls her away not knowing Chris is there*
D: Teacher fucks it all up.
*Collins throws Sue out. Chris tips over the bucket and it drenches Tommy and Carrie. Norma laughs hysterically. The bucket falls down and hits Tommy in the head, knocking him out*
D: Knocked him the fuck out.
*Carrie hears her mother’s voice in her head and imagines everyone laughing at her. Freddy, Chris, Norma, etc try to make their getaway. Carrie then absolutely snaps. She stands on the stage covered in red and unhooks the sprinkler system, drenching everyone*
Warlock: Wanna bully me now???
*Sue is locked out, everyone else is locked in when Carrie bolts everything shut. Collins checks on Tommy as Carrie uses the hose to electrocute Fromm and Morton*
Warlock: Collateral damage.
*Carrie crushes Collins with falling debris and she dies. The room is set ablaze and Carrie walks around methodically. Chris and Billy are watching up in the balcony. Carrie walks out of the school as its burning. She walks down the street as Billy and Chris try to run her over. She uses her power to flip the car and make it explode*
D: Sad part is, those were the only two that should have bought it. Everyone else suffered because of their bullying.
Warlock: Great lesson to teach the kids. Bully someone, they go insane and kill EVERYONE. Including YOUUUUU!!!!
*Carrie slowly walks up her steps and inside her house. The entire place is filled with lit candles*
Warlock: I can’t tell who’s more insane, her or the mother.
D: She’s not insane, she just was shit on too much. Sad part was John Travolta’s character was just trying to get laid. He had no idea who Carrie was until the prom night.
Warlock: Another lesson to teach the kids. Don’t do anything just for sex, it leads to trouble.
*Carrie turns the bath on and takes off her dress. She enters the tub and starts cleaning the blood off. Once she’s showered, she dresses and walks up to the attic. She hugs Margaret and she tells her that she was right. Margaret then cuts a promo that Carrie shouldn’t have been born. She reveals that Carrie was born out of wedlock. She starts stroking Carrie and says its time to pray, for the final time. She pulls out a knife and stabs Carrie in the back. Carrie tries to crawl away*
Warlock: Why can’t she use her power?
D: She will.
*Carrie finally uses every kitchen knife in the house to crucify Margaret and impale her. She moans sexually*
Warlock: Jesus Christ, Margaret’s getting off on this.
*Margaret dies while crucified*
Warlock: Mind if I eat?
*Carrie walks up to Margaret and pulls the knife out. Carrie then has the house collapse in on itself with Carrie and Margaret in the closet. The Jimmy Page Jesus gets a closeup*
D: Remember, the moral of the story is….religion sucks.
*Next frame is at Sue’s house. Mrs. Snell gets a phone call from Betty. Mrs. Snell says Sue is better but is sleeping to much due to being the only one left alive from that school*
D: Yup, even Tommy bought it.
*Sue has a dream about visiting Carrie’s house which is now a pile of rubble with a sign that says FOR SALE only with “Carrie White burns in hell” graffitied on it. Sue dreams Carrie’s arm grabs her and she wakes up in real time screaming*
Warlock: Stephen King, you are one sick fuck.
Warlock: Wow, that was good.
Thug D’s Assessment: Its a classic. Sure some things look a little hokey now, but for its time it was a great film. 8 out of 10.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I agree, it took you into the mind of someone who just wanted to be accepted and snapped in the end. You push someone too far and all hell breaks loose. The characters were 90 percent heels so you wanted everyone to die off. 8 out of 10
Final Grade: 8 out of 10 – Amazing
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Well that was interesting to say the least. Stephen King movie adaptations could go either way but this one was damn good. It had a great cast, everyone played their roles well and it wasn’t that far off from the book. It sucks what happened to Carrie as she only wanted a normal life, but that’s the breaks. Seriously though, wouldn’t it be cool to use telekinetic powers to terrorize people?
*Warlock flicks his wrist and the refridgerator door opens. He flicks it again and a can of pepsi shoots across the room into his hands*
Warlock: I wonder what its like.
D: You…can’t be serious.
Warlock: What do you mean?
*Warlock flicks his wrist and puts Monday Night Raw back on*
Warlock: Have a pleasant evening.