*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, I Survived Sharknado t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a glass bottle of Pepsi*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock levitates, does a 18p spin and enters the lair*
Warlock: Tonight we finish off the Basket Case series by catching the third and final movie. I know Mr. America is sad about that.
*Mr. America is in the recliner wearing white camo fatigues, vestand hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades. His arms are folded and he’s seething with rage*
America: I’ve had just about enough of this bullshit. Every movie gets worse than the last. I’m about readyto break your neck.
Warlock: Geez, someone caught too many Pidgey today.
America: I’m gonna go all Spearow on you.
Warlock: *Sings* I need a Spearowwwwww. I’m holding out for a Spearow until the end of the niiiiighttttt!!!
America: You have serious problems.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: So let’s close this one out. Basket Case 3.
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “Duane recovers from his delusional breakdown to find his freakish basket-bound brother Belial will soon become a father. But not everything is joyous as the once tight knit brothers no longer seem to trust each other.”
America: Sibling rivalries, aren’t they great?
*Opening scene is the end of the second movie where Belial and Eve get it on*
Warlock: Remember that?
*Duane (Kevin Van Hentenryck) pushes Susie out the window and she dies. He sews Belial back onto him*
Warlock: Just fast forward this, we’ve already seen this.
Warlock: 5 minutes of backstory.
*Duane in a mental ward is by himself with no Belial attached*
Warlock: What the hell?
*Granny Ruth (Annie Ross) visits Duane in the mental ward. He asks her where Belial is and Ruth said they have been separated him again. She says sewing him back on was not the answer*
Warlock: 2 movies in a row they shit on the previous ending.
*Ruth says Eve (Denise Coop) is pregnant. Duane is confused*
Warlock: How does that work???
*Simon (Pierre Perea) is the new nurse. Ruth says they’re going to see Uncle Hal (Dan Biggers) in Georgia. Duane asks about Belial but Eve goes into a contraction. He looks at a wicker basket and starts talking to it*
Warlock: 5 to 1 its a clothes hamper.
*Ruth shows Duane a picture of Susie and Bernard. Duane cries about it*
Warlock: So Belial murdered Duane’s girlfriend in the first movie and now HE should apologize?
America: Granny’s logic is severely fucked up.
*Frederick (James Scott), Brainiac (Wendy Parker), Sidney, Half Moon (Fernando Gonzalez), Pinhead (Charles Portney) , Elmo (Rick Smailes), Mackeral (Benny Phipps), Cedric (Cedrick Manuck), Arthur (Donna Mage), Toothy (Marty Polack) and Ellice (Heather Place) are on the bus.
*Duane tells Mouse Face (Dean Hines) his tale. Mouse Face talks sense into him*
Warlock: Yeah he makes sense doesn’t he?
*Eve has another contraction until we cut to Sherrif Andrew Griffin (Gil Roper) meeting Uncle Hal. He has a present for Little Hal (Jim O’Doherty). A robot makes his way to Andrew and asks if he wants coffee. Andrew says yes*
America: What the hell is that?
*The robot makes coffee on the spot for Andrew before it leaves*
Warlock: Who wouldn’t want a mobile coffee cart?
*Andrew likes the coffee. He asks how Little Hal is and Hal says he has good days and bad days. Little Hal’s portrait shows him having 6 hands. Andrew says anyone that messes with Little Hal has to deal with him. Little Hal on the roof waves at Andrew who thanks him for the coffee*
Warlock: That’s pretty cool.
*Granny Ruth performs Personality for the bus*
*Warlock sings along*
America: Cut it out.
Warlock: Come on join in.
*Freak bus enters Peachtree Valley. Federick nearly wipes out a few pedestrians when he pulls over to stop at a drug store*
*Andew barges in and confronts Ruth about bus. She gives a sob story as Duane continues to talk to Mouse Face who is bored out of his mind*
Warlock: Hahaha. I bet Mr. Wallstreet would love his tie.
*Duane tries to escape out the bus window but can’t in a straight jacket. He spots a hot girl. She reveals herself to be Andrew’s daughter. Duane says Belial is in the basket. Andrew says his daughter is named Opal (Tina Louise Hilbert) and they introduce each other. Ruth says Duane is very sick and leaves in the bus*
Warlock: He admitted everything.
*Opal says there’s something not quite right with Granny Ruth and Duane*
America: That’s an understatement.
*Freak bus pulls up to Hal’s mansion and Hal greets all the freaks. Duane asks if he can borrow a swiss army knife. Hal ignores him and makes a beeline to Eve*
Warlock: Wow, why is Duane there?
*Eve’s water breaks and floods the bus*
*They rush Eve inside as she gets ready to give birth. Hal says Little Hal can’t wait to see Ruth. Hal needs Little Hal to help with the birth. Hal is Ruth’s son*
Warlock: Saw that coming.
*Duane tries to escape the straight jacket but can’t. Ruth walks in and says Uncle Hal adopted Little Hal. Duane wants out and Ruth reads him the riot act before taking the jacket off. Ruth says to join them when he can*
*Duane immediately dives out the window. Meanwhile its bedlam in Eve’s room as robots and freaks everywhere prepare*
Warlock: Will you get some boiling water?
America: I’m not in the movie!!!
*Ruth unleashes Belial and Ruth says to stay and share the moment. Unfortunately Hal pulls out a large needle with causes Belial to have a flashback to when he was separated in the first movie*
America: They really love that stock footage.
*Belial freaks out and attacks Hal. Ellice manages to sedate Belial as Ruth gives him the business for attacking Hal. Meanwhile Eve is ready to blow*
*Duane sneaks up on Opal. “I forgot your name but I’m over here!”
Warlock and America: Hahahahhaha
*Duane crazily explains himself to Opal. He breaks down but she admits she loves unique individuals. Duane “Really?”
America: Oh wait till you see this.
*Little Hal films the birth to four little freaks*
America: Oh good, we know you can do basic math.
*The number rises to 9. Little Hal does color commentary*
*Hal continues to film….up to 12 now. He continues to scream and shout*
Warlock: 12 kids……..Belial is going to follow Duane out the window
America: Ooooh sappy music.
*Belial has a delusional fantasy of two naked twins (Carla and Carmen Morrell) quoting Shakespierre*
Warlock: This is no longer the worst movie of all time.
*Ruth carries Belial to see the kids as Duane is arrested and jailed. 2 cops and Opal taunt him. Baxter (Jim Grimshaw) and Younger cop find that Belial has a million dollar bounty on him. Younger Cop and Baxter tell Opal to stay put as they say they’ll check out Hal’s residence*
America: Famous last words.
*The freaks have a party to celebrate the births. Ruth cuts it off because she can’t find Duane or Belial. Ruth checks on Hal who had half his face ripped off by Duane. Meanwhile Younger Cop and Baxter pull up to Hal’s. Younger one chickens out but Baxter tells him to cut the shit*
*They spot the freaks and make fun of them. They sneak in the window of Eve’s room and says the little freaks will be used for fish bait. Eve wakes up and growls. Baxter shoots Eve with a shotgun as the Younger Cop locks the door to the bedroom*
Warlock: WHERE DID HE GET A KEY??
*The cops make it off with the babies as the freaks tend to the dead Eve. Belial is PISSED*
Warlock: I do not want to be those cops right now.
*Duane feels Belial’s pain due to the stigmata. Opal calls him strange. Opal takes her jacket off and Duane asks what she’s doing. She reveals her tattoos and goes into dominatrix mode*
Warlock: Did we really need this?
America: You’re complaining about naked Opal?
Warlock: Good point.
*Opal feels up Duane but freaks when she feels the scar. Duane reveals Belial is his brother. Andrew shows up and gives her the business. The two cops show up with the Belial babies and brag about killing Belial. Andrew says they have to go back. The younger cop is Bailey (Jackson Faw). He says to go get Brannon (Tim Warle) and Banner (Jerry G White), he’ll go to Hal’s place himself*
Warlock: Finally some revenge plot.
*Andrew makes it to Hal’s residence and he asks Ruth what’s going on. Ruth says his men killed Eve and stole the babies. He wants to speak to Hal and Ruth wants the kids back. Ruth shows Little Hal who’s a giant monster and Andrew is scared*
*The four cops and Opal taunt the Belial babies. She steals one of the babies and walks away. Meanwhile Duane is still locked up*
Warlock: Duane should kill her.
*Opal taunts Duane as the cops guffaw. Meanwhile Belial is on his way*
Warlock: This is not going to end well for them…good.
*Brannon picks up Belial’s basket and brings it inside. Brody freaks out as Opal continues to taunt Duane. Meanwhile Belial strangles and kills Brennan and Brennan’s eyes pop out of his head*
Warlock: HAAHHAHAH WHAT THE FUCK??
*Belial attacks Banner as Opal runs in the room and screams. Andrew reports in the shit is about to hit the fan. Meanwhile Belial rips Bannon’s head off. Belial turns his attention to Brody who shakes in his shoes. Belial attacks Brody and Opal sets Duane free. Opal runs in and Brody shoots her dead who lands on one of the kids, killing it. Belial twists Brody’s head around and he flails about*
America: I’m pretty sure when you twist a guy neck, pretty sure it would have broken, he wouldn’t flail around.
*Andrew shoots the basket but misses Duane. He spots Opal and cries*
America: Yep, she’s dead. Pretty sure that his sympathy is gone now.
*Duane opens the basket and pulls Belial out. He’s dying. Duane screams for help. He runs off*
Warlock: How are they going to end this?
*Belial pops out of the basket as Little Hal works on a new invention. Duane runs over and tries to apologize for everyone as Hal has built Belial a new robot body, who uses it to kill Baxter*
Warlock: Could we at least see it?
*Bailey does a really bad Elvis impersonation in the mirror*
Warlock: Ok he can go.
*Duane raids Baile’s fridge and has Corn Flakes as Belial takes out Bailey*
Warlock: That is funny you have to admit.
America: Great product placement.
*Ellice reads the eulogy at Eve’s funeral. Everyone cries*
Warlock: That was beautiful.
America: Oh shut up.
*Ruth rallies the troops to take out the Sheriff once and for all. Frederick plows through the sign and the freaks all pile out into the Police Station*
Warlock: Good, can we end this now?
*Ruth confronts Andrew and asks where the babies are. He nods his head to them. Ruth demands their release. Andrew pulls a shotgun and says give him Belial and he’ll give up the babies. Ruth says tonight, midnight, at the old factory. Meanwhile Ruth walks up to Casey (Beverly Bonner) and orders a million burgers*
Warlock: Haha Casey can’t catch a break.
*At the factory, Super Belial attacks Andrew and they have a one on one battle*
Warlock: What’s Duane doing?
America: Keeping the generator fueled.
*Belial knocks the Sheriff down and goes to rescue his kids*
America: Notice it doesn’t have the saw arm anymore?
*Belial falls as Andrew picks up the buzzsaw. The kids pop up and attack Andrew as Duane runs on the scene. Duane “Geez, this is gonna be some family”
*Renaldo (Jeff Winter) on TV shows David (Berle Bowkan) and Basil (James Derrick) as Duane and the freaks attack. Belial attacks Renaldo as Duane smiles*
*Ruth warns all the listeners saying its their world now. End credits*
Warlock: That would have been a nice message.
Mr. America’s Assessment: I give it a 2
Warlock’s Assessment: 3 out of 10, I liked the nudity.
Final Grade: 2.5 out of 10 – Absolutely Terrible.
*Warlock rises from the couch as America starts twitching*
Warlock: That sucked complete dick. The first movie wasn’t that good but its Citizen Kane compared to this dogshit. Even the second movie was trash but had its moments. This made me want to run into a speeding train. Well that…
*America shakes his fists and pops out of the recliner*
America: THAT’S IT! I’VE PUT UP WITH THIS SHIT FOR TOO LONG. YOU’RE OUTTA HERE!
*Before Warlock can respond, America grabs him by the jacket collar and leads him to the door*
America: 3 BASKET CASES AND BRAIN DAMAGE? IM NOT SITTING THROUGH THIS CRAP. GET OUT AND STAY OUT!
Warlock: But this is my lair. You can’t throw me out of my own lair.
America: I DON’T CARE! I’VE HAD ENOUGH AND THAT..IS…FINAL!
*America heaves Warlock out the door. He shuts it and locks it. He gives the double middle finger and rubs his hands*
America: Ahhhhh, much better. Have a pleasant evening.