*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a diamond studded goblet of root beer*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock simply walks inside*
Warlock: Last time we took a look at Brain Damage, a complete mess but noted for having the same director as Basket Case and a cameo from the main character. Now we get to watch the sequel, Basket Case 2! Isn’t this fun?
*Mr. America is in the recliner wearing white camo fatigues, vestand hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades. He’s facepalming*
America: Do we really need to go through this shit again?
Warlock: Of course…its Halloween month!
America: Getting tired of THIS shit real quick.
Warlock: Oh shut up, you’re gonna love it.
America: I HIGHLY doubt that.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: So lets start Basket Case 2.
*The Warlock reads the tagline*
Warlock: “Duane and his basket-bound mutant brother are taken in by a secret home for wayward freaks with journalists hot on their tail”
America: They led us to believe they died!
Warlock: That explains them alive and well in Brain Damage.
*Movie begins with the ending of the first movie*
Warlock: Now its time to explain everything.
America: I see an eyeball.
Warlock: It sees you too.
America: Its..a..painting. How can it see me?
*Two women watch the news where Duane (Kevin Van Hentenryck) is hauled off in an ambulence. Casey (Beverly Bonner) says Duane was a great guy*
Warlock: Yeah, real great…good to see her again though.
*Duane is all messed up in a hospital bed*
America: So is that how they make a sequel? They say he’s not dead but miraculously recovered?
*Nurse checks on Duane and Belial, Belial growls*
Warlock: He’s alive.
America: What year was this made?
America: And the first?
America: I thought so, they’re not using the Gumby animation anymore.
*The nurse and an orderly banter as Duane and Belial escape*
America: Dude, don’t you have a radio or something?
*Belial kills the orderly*
Warlock: Well if he did, it wouldn’t matter now.
*Duane limps down the hallway carrying Belial*
America: I’m just gonna hobble my ass out of here
*The news woman (Jude Grafe) gets thrown out of the hospital. She’s trying to get an interview with Duane. As she argues with the cop and 2 nurses, Duane walks right by them*
America: 4 people and NONE OF THEM NOTICE. They may as well be bats.
*Grannie Ruth (Annie Ross) and Susan (Heather Rattray)pull up in a van and tell Duane and Belial to get in. They do. Later Ruth and Susan introduce themselves to Duane. He’s still weak from the fall. Ruth tries to befriend Belial in the kid room. Susan brings in a new basket as Ruth goes into the attic. Ruth says to leave Belial alone. A group of freaks gather around as Belial pops out. Lorenzo sings opera, Ellice (Jeri La Shay), Frederick (Sturgis Warner), Lyle (Jan Saint) are introduced. Ruth introduces Eve, another conjoined twin like Belial*
Warlock: Its a freak movie.
*News Lady talks to her editor (Jason Evers) and ask Detective Phil (Ted Sorel) to help. She’s to question Ruth who’s own son was born with 11 arms. Marcie (Kathryn Meisle) calls Lyle and says she’s on her way with 100 bucks. Before Marcie gets there, Ruth walks in and asks to see the show. Lyle has the original basket on the way and says Belial has acromeagly*
Warlock: He’s not Andre The Giant.
*Ruth screams at Lyle and storms out. Ruth walks back in with the real Belial in the new basket.She unleashes Belial on Lyle and we cut to Marcie coming up to the tent*
Warlock: There’s your hundred bucks.
*Marcie spot Belial then Lyle deformed. Next frame Marcie tells her story to Arty (Matt Mitler). Arty says to tell a story of how aliens came down to be Belial cultists. Then says there’s a third twin*
Warlock: He could write for SyFy now.
*Some dude hits on Susan to get her to come drink*
Warlock: That’s no way to get customers.
*Ruth talks with Belial who also can telepathically communicate. Ruth “Ripping the faces off people isn’t in your best interests”
Warlock: Hahahah line of the movie.
America: Yeah somehow I don’t think he’s going to stop.
*Duane limps around the happy home*
Warlock: Hey he got a hair cut.
*Duane tells Susan he’s never had anyone care for him like her*
Warlock: What was Sharon?
*Duane wants to run away with Susan*
Warlock: That escalated quickly.
*Duane says he and her aren’t freaks like the rest. Susan says they’re all the same. Duane walks away dejected. Duane has a flashback of the first movie where Duane’s father wants Duane saved and Belial killed. Then he tells Susan that he hates living with freaks*
America: Well aren’t you a ball of sunshine?
*Duane looks at his scar and has another flashback of him being separated in the first movie*
Warlock: Oh boy, more archive footage to take up the run time. May as well not even have watched the first movie.
*Duane barges into Ruth’s office. He says he’s not one of them anymore and he’s going to tell Belial about it. He goes to the attic where he finds Belial next to Eve with sappy music playing. He goes on a rant about being himself and with Susan and Belial just laughs at him*
Warlock: What’s so funny?
America: I don’t know.
*Marcie and Arty pull up to the Happy Home. Marcie just wants to interview Ruth. Ruth calls her every name in the book. Marcie says Duane and Belial are wanted for 5 murders. Ruth says she won’t talk. Ruth throws her out as Duane walks in with Belial. Ruth calls him Michael and he plays it off saying he has groceries in his basket. Marcie leaves and Duane stammers*
Warlock: POW! PING! Duane goes flying.
*Marcie goes back to Arty and says she found Duane*
America: That means they’re going to go snooping and die.
*Marcie says forget Lou the Editor. She’s thinking big dollars, People magazine, etc*
Warlock: Greedy bastard.
*Susan says Duane is safe. Duane says he needs to leave because they’ll find everyone. Duane says he’ll stay and fight. Ruth wants his word on that. He says he won’t leave until everyone’s safe. Ruth wants to call a meeting with all the freaks*
Warlock: Everybody come see the greatest show….
*America doesn’t say a word*
Warlock: You suck.
*Ruth hits a secret switch and she makes an epic speech in front of all the freaks*
Warlock: Knute Rockne would love this.
*Ruth “Do we flee or do we fight?”
Warlock: Fight! Fight! Fi….
*America doesn’t move*
Warlock: Oh fuck you.
*Ruth says someone will try to sneak in*
America: Yeah, Arty.
*Ruth says to give any intruded a welcome they’ll never forget*
Warlock: I’m ready to fight.
*Ruth and Susan drive off in a van as Arty goes in for a photo of Duane. Duane paces as he talks on a phone*
Warlock: Well there ya go.
America: If he can see him so well from the window, why doesn’t he take the damn photo there?
Warlock: Yeah really.
*Arty breaks in through the window*
America: He also has no zoom lense.
Warlock: Were they invented in 1990?
America: I don’t know, but I called this a mile away.
*Arty goes to take Duane’s picture and Duane says he heard something and better go look. Duane hobbles off as Arty goes to the attic. Arty is cornered by all the freaks*
Warlock: May want to get out of there.
*Freaks attack Arty as one of them takes pictures to add to the effect. Meanwhile Marcie in the car sees the commotion going on*
Warlock: Its a little early for the show down.
America: Is he gonna go out the window?
Warlock: Makes sense.
*Marcie walks outside and looks on in horror as Arty stops screaming and the attic goes quiet. Marcie calls Detective Phil and says Arty has been killed. She goes to see Phil and says Duane and Belial are at Ruth’s house. Phil calls Susan and threatens with cops. Duane answers and Phil says he wants to meet and talk without Belial there. They meet at Clancy’s Bar*
Warlock: Swell place to meet.
*Phil confronts Duane who’s by himself. They shoot the breeze. Phil tells him to relax. Duane wants to know what he wants, Phil says he wants Belial. Phil tries to stir the pot by saying Duane is in Belial’s shadow. Phil continues to stir the pot saying Duane is the normal one. Duane says in the house of freaks, he’s the abnormal one. Phil asks if he wants to be normal in the real world. Duane storms out and Phil turns around to see the entire bar is filled with the freaks. Phil “Oh shit”
Warlock: Hahaha good one Duane.
*The man with 27 noses (Michael Rogen) appears*
Warlock: You smell that?
*Duane asks the bar who thinks they’re freaks. Mouse Face (Deborah Bauman) raises her hand as well as everyone else. Phil pulls a gun and says he wants to trouble. He gets cornered and backs his way into Clancy (Michael Rubenstein) who’s dead on the ground. Belial killed him. Belial attacks and kills Phil*
Warlock: I’ve heard of a freaky bar but that’s ridiculous.
*The van pulls up outside the bar. Susan and Ruth gather everyone in as Belial hands Susan Phil’s wallet to get Marcie’s address. The van drives away with everyone inside. Next frame is Marcie herself getting a phone call. The other caller hangs up*
America: Great, now they know she’s home.
Warlock: Before caller ID was invented.
*Marcie leaves a message on Phil’s answering machine and starts her hair dryer*
Warlock: Perfect way to sneak in when that’s on.
*Marcie’s window is open and someone has cut the phone line. Duane is waiting for her*
Warlock: 20 minutes left, this can’t be it.
*Duane says Belial is dying to meet Marcie. Duane pops the basket open and there’s nothing inside. Duane says he’s hiding around there somewhere. Marcie says no one will ever know and Duane says its up to Belial. Duane “He can rip your face off, no big deal.” Marcie runs and Frog Boy (Tom Franco) cuts her off. The freaks pop up left and right and surround her. Duane “Hey, you’re back.” Marcie “Let’s meet, I’m not afraid of you, of him or anyone.”
Warlock: Hahaha nobody is scared.
*Duane taunts her and implies Belial’s in her laundry basket. Marcie opens it up and he pops up and attacks*
Warlock: Like we didn’t see that coming?
*Brainiac (Jody Oliver) looks on as Marcie is attacked. Belial finishers her off and the freaks surround her. Marcie is now hideously deformed. Meanwhile there’s a party back at the Freak House*
Warlock: Oh boy, a victory party.
*Ruth asks Susan where Belial and Eve are. Susan says they’re together. Duane is nowhere to be found. Susan goes to find Duane and he’s in her room. He wants to talk to her. He wants to run away with her. Susan says they’re both freaks. She insists she’s not as normal as him. He goes to kiss her but then feels something. Susan says Belial must be busy*
America: Good call.
*Belial and Eve get it on*
*Susan tries to warn Duane that she was with a man once before and it changed everything. Duane says it doesn’t matter and that he loves her. Meanwhile Belial hits the money shot*
Warlock: What the….oh fuck it.
*Susan cuts Duane off at second base and says she’s been pregnant for 6 years. A dinosaur pops out of her stomach and says hi to Duane. Duane freaks completely out and throws Susan around. She keeps saying “Look at me, look at me, look at me.” Duane accidentally throws her out the window onto a table. The freaks look at her as they try to revive. Ruth checks the pulse, she’s dead*
Warlock: Nice going asshole.
America: I’d start running if I were you.
*Duane hobbles around and Ruth says to find him. Duane talks to himself and grabs a hidden baseball bat. He goes to the attack where Belial and Eve lie. Duane nails Belial with a baseball bat as the freaks look for Duane downstairs*
America: They’re not doing a very good job of looking.
*Duane taunts Belial and sews him back on to his own body*
*Ruth walks in and Duane says “We’re together again” Laughing as the credits roll*
Mr. America’s Assessment: I give it a 3
The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 3.5. It was like one long Tales From The Crypt Episode. I hated how they pretty much turned Duane heel as the people they attacked weren’t criminals, thieves or flim flammers, just nosey news people.
Final Grade: 3 out of 10 – Crap
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Well that was a let down from the previous movie.
America: A LET DOWN? That was akin to falling off a cliff!
Warlock: See? I told you that you’d love it.
America: Hardly! I’m now dumber for sitting through it.
Warlock: Well you’re going to have to sit through it again.
America: Say that again…
*Warlock pulls out a DVD of Basket Case 3*
America: No…oh please no…
Warlock: OHHHHH YEAHHHHH. Have a pleasant evening.