161. Brain Damage (1988)

Brain Damage.jpg

*The Warlock opens the door to his lair.  He’s wearing a black leather jacket, white t-shirt, sneakers, blue jeans and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a wine glass of Dr Pepper*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair…welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.

*The Warlock shoots fire into the sky and enters the lair*

Warlock: We continue Halloween Month with Brain Damage!

*Mr. America is in the recliner wearing white camo fatigues, vest and hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades*

America: Which you have. Gotta have brain damage to be able to come up with these insane movies.

Warlock: Oh shut up. Tonight’s movie is about a guy who gets a parasite attached to him that fills his brain with orgasms in exchange for murdering people*

America: You did not just say orgasms…tell me you didn’t just say that.

*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*

Warlock: Let’s not waste anymore time. Let’s get to Brain Damage.

 

*The Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “One morning a young man wakes to find a small, disgusting creature has attached itself to the base of his brain stem. The creature gives him a euphoric state of happiness but in return demands human victims.”

America: What?

 

*Opening credits with various African tribal statues*

Warlock: Would help to spell tribal right.

America: You had…ONE JOB.

 

*A husband and wife couple talk about the meat they ordered. Its brain*

Warlock: They’re eating brain?

 

*Alymer (John Zacherle) is gone. The wife screams.*

Warlock: What?

 

*Brian (Rick Hearst) is woken up by his girlfriend and he drops the phone*

Warlock: Ah the good ol days of taking the phone off the hook.

 

*Husband and wife tear the house up looking for Aylmer*

America: This is one way to establish the demon thing.

 

*Woman keeps screaming*

Warlock: SHADDUP!!!!

 

*Brian’s roomate lets his girlfriend in.  His girlfriend says he looks awful*

Warlock: Hahahaha what the hell?

 

*Morris (Theo Barnes) is the husband, Martha (Lucille Saint-Peter) is the wife. They barge into a neighbor’s (Beverly Bonner) house. Meanwhile Brian is too sick to go out. Mike (Gordon MacDonald) is the roomate. Barbara (Jennifer Lowry) is the girlfriend. They leave without Brian. Meanwhile Morris and Martha foam at the mouth in their apartment*

America: So did that come from the monster is is that cyanide?  Don’t think the movie is gonna answer my question.

Warlock: Yeah I think you’re shit out of luck.

America: Damn you movie!

 

*Brian wakes up covered in blood. He figures out its coming from his own neck. Brian “What the hell’s happening to me”

Warlock: My first thought would be..a lot.

 

*Brian falls forward to the Phantom of the Opera theme*

Warlock: Hahahahaha what?

 

*Brian has a freakout of bright lights*

Warlock: Don’t look into the light!

 

*Bathwater floods Brian’s room*

Warlock: What?

 

*Brian looks into a giant eyeball*

Warlock: Is he on acid?

 

*Blue bathwater encompasses Brian*

America: Pfft….this guy’s lost it.

 

*Brian wakes up on the floor thinking*

Warlock: They’re not gonna explain anything are they?

 

*Aymer the brain and spinal column says hello to Brian*

Warlock: What in the world???

America: What?

 

*Aylmer appears friendly to Brian. He tells Brian to listen to the light and to take him for a walk. Brian doesn’t follow*

America: Don’t worry, you’re not supposed to.

 

*Brian attaches Aylmer to the back of his neck*

Warlock: What if he stomped on it instead?

 

*Aylmer attaches itself to a hole in Brian’s neck.and secretes a substance that gives Brian’s brain euphoric pleasure*

Warlock: Oh boy, crack cocaine come to life.

 

*Brian moans*

Warlock: He came.

America: Gross.

 

*Mike and Barbara return home. They go to sneak up on him but he’s not in his room. Outside Brian is euphoric as he wanders around a junkyard seeing pretty colors*

Warlock: He’s having a blast.

 

*The nightwatchman (Bradlee Rhodes) wonders what’s wrong with Brian and goes to confront him. He arms his gun*

Warlock: And…he shoots himself.

 

*Brian wanders around the junkyard screaming and whooping before the Watchman arrests him. He goes to slap the cuffs on but Aylmer attacks and attaches itself to his head and kills the dude*

Warlock: That was kinda cool.

 

*Aylmer says he’s a bit underdone*

Warlock: Sunny side up or over easy?

 

*Aylmer attaches itself to Brian again and makes him see colors*

Warlock: Are they ever gonna explain what this thing is or where it came from?

America: I don’t think so.

 

*Mike and Barbara talk about how Brian’s changed. Days have gone by*

Warlock: Would help to explain days went by.

 

*Mike shows how Brian has barricaded his room and the bathroom. Mike wonders what’s going on*

Warlock: Light headed??

 

*Barbara wants to see Brian but he whoops and hollers in the bathtub. Mike “Things are getting really weird around here”

America: You think?

 

*Brian tells Barbara he’s going through changes and he freaks her out while at dinner.She thinks he’s on drugs*

Warlock: Hahahaha that would be easy.

 

*Barbara says he’s changed and not for the better. Brian goes to explain Aylmer and Aylmer starts pounding him from the inside. Barbara complains and thinks there’s another woman. Brian is distracted by the meatballs on his plate that he thinks are moaning brains*

Warlock: He’s in deep trouble now.

 

*Brian freaks out and runs out of the restaurant*

Warlock: Nice synth pop theme. In case you haven’t noticed, this movie came out in the 80s.

America: Noooooo, ya think?

 

*Brian runs around outside. A homeless bum (Michael Rubenstein) drinks while Brian calls out Aylmer and says he “needs it”

Warlock: He’s an addict.

 

*Brian hits up an underground club with a new wave song*

Warlock: Not exactly Tech Noir.

 

*Hot looking girl (Vicki Darnell) checks out Brian*

Warlock: Hello!!!! Or as Wallstreet would say “Holla!!”

 

*Brian dances horribly with her*

Warlock: I can dance better than that.

 

*Brian and girl make out with punks banging on the bathroom door*

Warlock: They really had to pee.

 

*Brian and girl make out in a boiler room as she prepares to go down on him*

America: Oh you’re gonna get something else you’re not expecting.

 

*Aylmer goes into her throat and Brian starts deepthroating her*

Warlock: Hahahaha that’s actually clever.

 

*Aylmer sucks out girl’s brain as Brian walks by a guy (Daniel Frye) high off his ass. Meanwhile Barbara calls Mike in his underwear and he claims Brian is nowhere to be found. Meanwhile Brian searches through garbage cans*

Warlock: He can’t find Oscar.

 

*Morris confronts Brian about Aylmer. Morris gives him a tongue lashing saying Aylmer belongs to him. Brian “You fucking named him Elmer?” Morris “No, Aylmer!”

Warlock: At least we’ll get some explanation now.

 

*Aylmer’s history goes back to the 13th century. All the way to now*

Warlock: At leas they explained it.

 

*Brian knocks Morris down and runs away. Morris shouts “Mine, mine, mine”

Warlock: Mine boys…MINE!

 

*Mike confronts Brian but Brian blows him off. Mike is his brother who notices Brian forgot his buckets. Next day we get a shot of NYC*

Warlock: Back in the New York groove.

America: I’m back…

Both: In the New York Groove.

 

*Brian moves into a derelict and confronts Aylmer. Aylmer blames Morris and Martha because they were trying to weaken him. Brian confronts Aylmer about the blood in his underwear. Aylmer “It came from that girl. No big deal”

Warlock: Hahahahaha

 

*Brian freaks out as Aylmer says he’s his. Aylmer says he’s in control but Brian says he is. Aylmer says he doesn’t get his fix if he doesn’t get a fix. Next frame is Brian getting sick*

Warlock: Withdrawl.

 

*Aylmer says to go get hookers*

Warlock: Hahahahaha

 

*Brian begins pulling out dead skin and intestines from his ear*

Warlock: Hahahahaha what the hell?

 

*Aylmer induces a daydream from Brian just to fuck with him*

Warlock: Ohhh, that’s just mean.

 

*Brian collapses and Aylmer taunts him*

America: This is starting to drag here.

 

*Brian foams at the mouth and wakes up a bit time later to Aylmer singing*

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Brian begs for Aylmer’s help. Meanwhile a biker (Ari M Roussimoff) and a junkie (Angel Figueroa) ramble and stumble outside Brian’s door. Brian spots a bodybuilder (Joseph Gonzalez) in the shower. Brian is pale as a ghost*

Warlock: Wow, Brian looks like shit.

 

*Aylmer detaches itself from Brian and it heads toward the bodybuilder. Brian braces for an attack but it never comes. Brian looks around for Aylmer as someone on the toilet (Michael Bishop) is reading a comic. Aylmer attacks and kills him*

Warlock: Another one bites the dust.

America: I love how this thing is chewing a hole in his forehead and he grips his throat.

 

*Back home, Mike and Barbara talk about Brian. Mike rubs Barbara’s shoulders and they make out*

Warlock: Uh oh….cheat bombing.

America: Hell both of them may go. Both dead. You know one of them is gonna die, potentially both.

 

*Mike and Barbara start going at it*

Warlock: This is no longer the worst movie of all time.

 

*Brian wakes up to Aylmer’s calling. Aylmer gets Brian high to do his bidding. He has a daydream of killing Barbara. Meanwhile Barbara and Mike are sleeping together and Brian walks in on them*

Warlock: Uh oh.

 

*Brian tells them to get lost and he’s hungry again. He says he’s going to do something about it. Barbara runs after Brian and he tells her to leave him alone and one brain is as good as the next. He then hops a turnstile at the train station, she follows close behind*

Warlock: Hahaha I love how there’s nobody there, not a soul in sight.

America: Its not totally abandoned.

 

*Barbara sits with Brian and she tries to talk to him, but all he sees is colors*

Warlock: Hahahaha, you see that?

America: Yup.

 

*Two subway riders (Kenneth Packard and Artemis Pizzaro) get on the subway*

Warlock: No no NO NO, turn back!

 

*Duane (Kevin Van Hentenryck) from Basket Case is holding a basket on the subway*

Warlock: DUANE!!!

America: Ha! It is him.

Warlock: They’re alive!

 

*Duane moves away from Brian when he spots Alymer coming out of his mouth*

Warlock: Wonderful cameo. Even Duane wants no part of it.

 

*Barbara kisses Brian and Aylmer attacks*

Warlock: You kind of saw that coming.

America: Right.

 

*Subway goer looks at Brian and Barbara kissing and just sighs*

Warlock: They’re probably used to that in NYC.

 

*Brian kills Barbara and sees colors. He gets off the subway, the goers see Barbara but do nothing*

Warlock: HAhahaha.

America: They know she’s in trouble and they do nothing.

 

*Brian looks around garbage cans again*

Warlock: For the second time, Oscar is not here.

 

*Brian tosses a lid and disrobes, he spots blood on his shirt. Morris and Martha pull a gun on him. They disrobe Brian and Martha takes Aylmer off, it attacks and eats her brain*

Warlock: Ok she had it coming.

 

*Morris tries to pull off Aylmer*

America: I don’t think she’s making it.

 

*The gun falls in front of Brian*

America: Can someone shut her up???

 

*Morris grabs Aylmer as it laughs. Aylmer attacks and kills Morris next*

Warlock: We got 10 minutes, this can’t be the end.

 

*Morris drops in front of Brian. He says lets get out of here. Aylmer says he’s not finished. Brian says he’s gonna be sick. Aylmer says to hurry up and put him on his neck. Brian puts the gun away and picks up Aylmer*

Warlock: Uh oh…Morris isn’t dead yet.

 

*Aylmer goes to re-attach but Morris grabs him and rips him off. Morris strangles Aylmer and drops him on the ground, spitting blood everywhere. Morris dies*

Warlock and America: ehhhhhhhh

 

*Aylmer gags and fidgets around until it dies*

Warlock: I don’t know what that old bastard did but it worked.

America: Pretty sure it just choked him.

Warlock: That easy?

 

*Mike gets a knock on the door, its Brian. The lump on his head is growing. He pulls out the gun and blows his own head off, emitting a light show. 2 cops (John Reichert and Don Henenlotter) rush in with Mike to see Brian’s head glowing and light flowing out of it. End credits*

Warlock: What an ending.

America: That’s it?

 

Mr.America’s Assessment: I give it a 3.5

The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 4, pretty crappy but short and watchable.

Final Grade: 3.5 out of 10 – Pretty Bad

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock: That was pretty bad if not for an interesting concept. It took the Basketcase concept and put its own spin on it.

America: Put its own spin on it? It was almost a direct ripoff!

Warlock: I think the term is a “tribute”

America: I think you’re a moron.

Warlock: Oh thank you. Anyway it had some parts worth watching but overall it wasnt very good.

America: You can say that again.

Warlock: Although seeing Duane again gives me an idea…

America: What do you mean?

Warlock: Oh you’ll see.

America: I’m gonna hit you with something.

Warlock: Have a pleasant evening.

 

 

 

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