I want to be….the very best…..
Like no one ever was…..
To catch them is my real test….
To train them is my cause……
*Suddenly the music stops. Mr.America jumps in front of the camera wearing green camo fatigues, vest and hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades*
America: Will you cut that out Warlock! What’s with the song.
*The Warlock is rattled as he turns off the stereo. He’s wearing a black t-shirt, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades*
Warlock: Its for our 150th episode special.
America: Why do you need THAT song for our 150th special?
Warlock: In case you haven’t guessed, our 150th movie is POKEMON!
*America takes his seat in the recliner*
America: We’re doing a tv show?
Warlock: They made a full length movie after the third season of Indigo League, a farewell to the beginning so to speak.
America: If nothing else, it will be short.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: So let’s get our 150th episode started, its Pokemon The Movie!
*The Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “Scientists genetically create a new Pokémon, Mewtwo, but the results are horrific and disastrous.”
America: Your typical science experiment that goes wrong.
*The Narrator (Rodger Parsons) explain the history of life between man and Pokemon. Mew flies around as Narrator says the most powerful Pokemon is coming*
Warlock: That’s not ominous or anything.
America: Random bubbles?
*Mewtwo (Jaye Goede) wakes up speaking English. Random doctors mill around as Mewtwo escapes*
Warlock: The savage is loose!!!
*The doctor says to find Giovanni (Ted Lewis) as he explains that Mewtwo is a clone of Mew. Doctor says he’s greater than Mew. Mewtwo asks what becomes of him now and Doctor says the serious test begins. Mewtwo think that humans don’t care about him. Mewtwo gets pissed and says being an experiment cannot be his destiny*
Warlock: That’s one angry Mewtwo.
*Doctor says they dreamed of creating the strongest Pokemon*
America: I’d say you succeeded.
*Giovanni and Persian check out the damage Mewtwo created*
America: Look what you did.
*Mewtwo says he’s stronger than Mew as Giovanni says he sees him as a partner. Giovanni says they can control the world together. Giovanni says he can help Mewtwo control his powers. Giovanni says he can make him invincible*
Warlock: Talk about a deadly alliance.
*Giovanni has Mewtwo in a suit of armor and says Mewtwo needs to focus. He easily dispatches Onyx and a heard of Tauros for Team Rocket*
*Mewtwo wipes out Alakazam, Magnetron, Khangaskan and Arcanine but questions why he’s there. Giovanni says his purpose was to work for him, Mewtwo thought they were partners. Giovanni says he’s there to obey him, Mewtwo breaks free and says he stands alone. Mewtwo flies though the air*
*Mewtwo sheds his armor and asks what his true reason for being is. He says he’ll purge the world of human and pokemon alike if they get in his way. Opening credits*
Warlock: I was hoping for the show theme.
America: Nope, you’re gonna get Pokemon: The First Movie.
*Narrator says Ash (Veronica Taylor), Brock (Eric Stuart) and Misty (Rachael Lilllis) sit around as Pikachu chases Togapi around. Meanwhile Ash is challenged by some random guy to a Pokemon battle*
Warlock: Who’s this guy?
America: I don’t know.
*Ash sends out Bulbasaur and his opponent sends out a Generation 2 Pokemon with a really crappy updated theme song*
Warlock: What was that?
America: I don’t know.
*Bulbasaur wins the match as the opponent sends out a Machamp. Ash counters with Squirtle*
Warlock: Its Goro.
*Squirtle wins and hugs Ash as someone looks in on them. The opponent sends out Pinsir, Venomoth and Golem. Pikachu wipes them all out with a thunderstruck. Trainer “Ohhhhh NOOOOOO”
America: Hey, Golem is a rock, he should still be standing after that thundershock.
*Ash celebrates with his team as Team Rocket looks in. Jessie, James and Meowth are hungry*
Warlock: Oh look, Team Rocket is here.
*A Fearow flies overhead with a security camera attached. A Dragonite is sent as a messenger to Ash. Ash has been chosen to participate in a secret gathering. He has to RSVP now. Brock says yes, Ash says yes. Dragonite goes to return but Team Rocket stops it. Meanwhile Mewtwo waves his hand around*
Warlock: Is he throwing up a gang sign?
America: Pretty sure he’s not.
*Mew pops up and flies around. Mewtwo causes a perfect storm with his waving hand*
Warlock: Gyrados is like :”Hey what the fuck??”
*Ash, Brock and Misty run to a pokemon center. Raticade, Kingler, Venonant are amongst the Pokemon there. The patrons are trying to get to New Island meanwhile some lady says the water is rising, wiping out everything*
*Officer Jenny (Lee Quick) tells everyone to stay ashore. Meanwhile one dude rides a Pidgeot and another rides a Gyrados toward New Island. Another trainer rides a Dewgong*
Warlock: Are we gonna get a name for this lady?
*Jessie and James pull up in a wooden skiff with horrible Dutch accents. Meowth is the decoration on the front of the boat*
Warlock and America: Hahahahahha
*A huge wave wipes out Jessie and James’ disguises. They go to say the motto but a wave wipes the boat out completely. Misty brings out Staryu to save her and Brock. Ash calls upon Squirtle to save him and Pikachu*
Warlock: Team Rocket is shit out of luck.
*Staryu and Squirtle pilot the others to safety. Warlock pretends to come up for air*
Warlock: We made it…we made it.
America: You didn’t do any work!
*Mew flies around*
Warlock: All he’s done is fly around so far.
America: Yeah? Your point is?
*Ash, Brock and Misty make it to New Island. The hologram is Nurse Joy (Megan Hollingshead) but she’s under a spell. Meanwhile Team Rocket rode Weezing and Arbok to safety*
Warlock: There’s no way Weezing would have survived that.
*Joy leads the trio to the master’s throne room. The world’s best Pokemon trainers are there. Only 3 trainers are there. Joy reveals that the storm was a test designed to weed out the weaklings. Team Rocket is locked out but they figure to get in through the water vent.Mew flies around more*
Warlock: This plan is all wet.
*Trainer 1 has Pidgeott, Scyther, Hitmonlee, Venusaur, Sandslash and Rhyhorn. Trainer 2 has Seadra, Tentacruel, Vaporeon, Nidoqueen, Golduck, Gyrados. Trainer 3 has Wigglytuff, Rapidash, Ninetails, Dewgong, Vileplume and Blastoise*
Warlock: Meanwhile Ash is walking in with unevolved Pokemon. Wait, he’s got Pikachu, Bulbasaur and Squirtle…what happened to Pidgeotto, Charizard, Tauros, Kingler….aww fuck it.
*Joy says the master is on his way, he’s the greatest on earth. Its Mewtwo. Meanwhile Team Rocket sneaks around. Joy says Mewtwo is the master of the island and soon the ruler of the world. Trainer 2 says a Pokemon can’t be a Pokemon master. Mewtwo says he makes the rule as Brock says its psychic*
Warlock: The shit’s about to hit the fan.
*Mewtwo uses his psychic power to intimidate Trainer 2. He orders Gyrados to attack but Mewtwo reflects a hyper bean back to Gyrardos, defeating it. Mewtwo releases Nurse Joy and Brock catches her. Mewtwo tells Joy he used her for Pokemon knowledge. Misty calls him a bully. Meanwhile Team Rocket makes it to a secret lab where Pokemon are being bioengineered. Blastoise, Venusaur and Charizard. Jessie sits on the turn on switch to fire up the machine. The machine grabs Meowth. James “Who’s that Pokemon?” Jessie “Its Meowth”
Warlock: Hahahaha nice show reference.
*Meowth has been replicated as Mew flies around. Meanwhile the Doctor’s last message explains how they engineered Mewtwo out of Mew but it went berserk. Jessie asks who rebuilt the lab after Mewtwo destroyed it. Mewtwo says Pokemon are not slaves and can never be friends. Ash comes to Pikachu’s aid. Trainer 1 tells Rhyhorn to attack but Mewtwo easily stops it and sends him away. Mewtwo says his power is too great*
Warlock: Oh boy, a challenge.
*Ash challenges Mewtwo and Mewtwo triggers the bioengineered Pokemon.Blastoise, Charizard, Venusaur escape and Mew flies off after them. Team Rocket is scared. Mewtwo brings out the clones for a match*
Warlock: Holy crap, a stadium.
*Trainer 1 says his real Venusaur can beat the clone. Trainer 3 says her Blastoise can beat the clone. Ash brings out Charizard who tries to fry Mewtwo without Ash saying anything*’
Warlock: He’s not going to obey.
*Mewtwo “Your Charizard is poorly trained”
Warlock: Hahahaha that was a theme all through season 2.
*Mewtwo asks who’s first. Trainer 1 steps up and says he won’t underestimate him again. Trainer 1 has Venusaur go, but it gets blasted by the clone. Blastoise gets creamed by the clone Blastoise. Ash tells Charizard to use speed, not power. Charizard goes one on one with the clone. The clone curbstomps Charizard to win it. Mewtwo claims the real Charizard, Blastoise and Venusaur as his own. Mewtwo says he plans to take over the world and will use the real ones to generate more clones. Mewtwo sends out pokeballs to steal everyone’s pokemon. The only ones left are Pikachu, Bulbasaur and Squirtle. Ash recalls Squirtle and Bulbasaur but Mewtwo steals them right out of the pokeballs*
Warlock: Oh that’s bullshit.
*Ash blocks the pokeball attack and Pikachu runs for it and fries an onslaught of balls with a thundershock. Ash chases off after him. Pikachu is captured eventually and Ash follows the ball down the chute*
*All the Pokemon are in tubes. Ash calls the machine stupid*
*Ash in the machine causes an overload. Pikachu escapes the ball and Ash hugs him as Team Rocket looks on. All the copied Pokemon run out but Ash ask where the real ones are.They all pop out of their balls in front of Team Rocket. All the real Pokemon are okay, Meanwhile in the stadium Mewtwo stands with his clones. Mewtwo says he’s sparing their lives for the moment and orders them to leave.Mewtwo says his vengeance draws near as the rest of the clones show up. Ash says he won’t let Mewtwo control the world*
Warlock: Nice imagery.
*Ash slowmotion walks out with the real Pokemon including Psyduck*
*Ash says he challenges him. Ash takes a swing at Mewtwo but is dispatched*
Warlock: Hahahahaa now he’s resorting to fisticuffs.
*Mew saves Ash from death. Mewtwo is shocked. Mewtwo tries to destroy Mew but fails every time. Mewtwo says he will prove he’s better than the original. The trainers speculate that Mewtwo is just a clone as they go one on one. Mewtwo drops down the challenge, him and the clones against Mew and the originals. Mew says the real strength is from the heart as Meowth translates*
Warlock: Thank god for Meowth.
*Mewtwo says he’ll block special abilities and we’ll see who the stronger fighters are*
Warlock: HA! Psyduck ran off to fight, Pikachu just stood there.
*The clones and originals fight to a really sappy song. Psyduck’s slap fight each other*
*Clone Pikachu knocksr real Pikachu goofy. Soon everyone drops. Joy says streetfighting is wrong. They’re not supposed to fight this way. Team Rocket says they’ll never fight again and Meowth yammers with his clone. Meowth says they need to come together. Mew and Mewtwo continue to battle as Ash climbs around the scenery*
Warlock: Is he done being Indiana Jones yet?
*Clone Pikachu continues to attack real Pikachu. Clone says to fight but Pikachu refuses despite being slapped around*
Warlock: Turn the other cheek motherfucker.
*Ash makes it back to the arena and says they need to stop the fighting. Brock asks how to stop it. Joy doesn’t know. Ash says to refuse to fight*
Warlock: How they gonna pull that off.
*Clone Pikachu is out of energy*
Warlock: Oh he rope-a-doped him.
*The lights go off at the stadium where Mew and Mewtwo continue the onslaught. Ash notices all the Pokemon are wiped out from streetfighting. Ash shouts to stop and he gets hit from both Mew and Mewtwo. He drops as Mewtwo calls him a fool. Pikachu runs toward Ash and he turns to stone*
Warlock: Uh…he’s dead.
America: He went the way of Han Solo
*Pikachu tries to revive Ash but it won’t work*
Warlock: Oh yeah, the kids are gonna love this ending.
*Pikachu burns himself out trying to save Ash. He cries and every other Pokemon cries as well, clone and real alike. All the tears cried from all the pokemon revive Ash*
Warlock: Well that was easy.
*Mewtwo says he’s learned the error of his ways. Mewtwo recalls all the clones and leaves with Mew. Mewtwo says to forget everything that happened and returns the trainers, the real pokemon, team rocket and ash/misty/brock return to the mainland. Ash says he can’t remember anything*
Warlock: Great, so we just imagined the whole thing?
*Ash runs out and New Island is evacuated. The storm is gone as well. Mew flies around but Misty and Brock don’t see it. Ash says he claims he saw a rare pokemon. The narrator signs off as Team Rocket is on New Island although its just grass. End credits*
America: So let’s pretend it all never happened.
Mr.America’s Assesment: I give it a 5
The Warlock’s Assessment: Yeah, I was leaning toward 6 but the whole “we imagined the whole thing” ending just pissed me off. 5 out of 10.
Final Grade: 5 out of 10 – Average
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Well that ending sucked. I was expecting the Let’s All Get Along ending but I was not expecting the “We just imagined the whole thing” ending. It was solid for a full length Pokemon movie but it didn’t blow me away. Although the nostalgia factor is still there….makes me long for the old battle days.
*America rises from the recliner and pulls out a pokeball from his fatigues*
America: Want to battle?
*He twirls the ball on his finger and Warlock smirks*
Warlock: Let’s see if I still got it.
*Warlock goes into his closet and blows the dust off his pokeballs. He picks one up that reads “1999 Regional Pokemon Battling Champion” as he and Ametica step outside*
America: Ladies first.
Warlock: Heh, try this on for size.
*Warlock tosses his pokeball and Zapdos emerges*
America: Not bad…not bad..but now you’re in for it.
*America throws his pokeball and…Magikarp emerges. Warlock randomly falls down like in the tv show*
Warlock: YOU’RE SENDING OUT A USELESS WATER POKEMON AGAINST AN ELECTRIC BIRD??
America: I have a surprise for you, this Magikarp is at level 20..you know what that means….EVOLVE INTO GYRADOS, HAAAHAA!
*Magikarp continues to splash around…and flail..and splash*
Warlock: Well I’m waiting.
*America looks confused*
America: I dont get it, I gave it 14 rare candies.
Warlock: IDIOT! You only leveled it up to level 19! You start at level 5, not 6.
*Zapdos screeches and fries not only Magikarp but Mr. America as well. America falls down*
Warlock: I only meant Magikarp, not him. Oh well, return.
*Warlock recalls Zapdos and walks over to America who twitches. Magikarp still flops around*
Warlock: I got a rare candy if you want it.
America: …Fuck you…
Warlock: Hahaha, have a pleasant evening.