*When we last left off, The Warlock flashed back to his youth when he saw Lethal Weapon 2 with his father. Now he’s in Neyzor Blades domain. He finds a DVD already in the player and hits the play button. He sits in the middle of Neyz’ recliner. Lethal Weapon 3 comes on*
*The Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh pursue an arms dealer who is a former LAPD officer.” Hm….fighting one of their own, this should be interesting.
*Opening credits to Eric Clapton’s Its Probably Me*
Warlock: Catchy tune.
*Sgr Martin Riggs (Mel Gibson) and Sgt Roger Murtaugh (Danny Glover) pull up to a crime scene. Riggs says he’s with Homicide as the patrolman says “No one’s dead” Riggs “The night is young”
*Riggs defies Roger’s orders and goes to see if there’s a bomb inside. Roger doesn’t want to check it out because he’s 8 days away from retirement and doesn’t want to make any mistakes. Riggs goes in and Roger follows*
Warlock: He’s been trying to retire for 3 movies.
*They find a bomb inside a car and they look at it. Its gonna blow in 10 minutes, Riggs says he can disarm it. Roger says to wait for the Bomb squad, Riggs says they’ll never make it in time. He’s got a hunch to cut the blue wire and says remember the toilet bomb. Roger “How could I forget.” Riggs asks if he’ll miss all this when he retires. Riggs cuts the red wire as Roger closes his eyes. The bomb starts counting down in seconds. Riggs “Rog….grab the cat.” Martin and Roger run for it and KABOOM*
Warlock: The superintendent is going to be pissed.
*Riggs and Murtaugh chill with the cat by Roger’s car. Roger holds up the cat and the cops applaud. Riggs “Oops!”
*Next scene is Roger and Martin as patrolman*
Warlock: Oh god, they got busted down that far?
*Riggs and Murtaugh banter about men’s girdles as Riggs spots someone (Andrew Hill Newman) jaywalking. Riggs gives him the business and goes to write a ticket but they forgot how to do it*
*Riggs throws the ticket book down and draws his gun.”Let’s just shoot him” The dude freaks out as Murtaugh tries to calm him down. Riggs “I’m going to drill him, we’ll make it look like suicide”
Warlock: This would look great on the evening news. Matter of fact, try getting away with this today.
*Roger “Get out of here before he kills you.”The dude runs into the street. Roger “Nooo not that way, THIS way. Over here!”
Warlock: My face hurts from laughing.
*An armored car with money pulls up, 2 guys go to get in and the bank manager chases them down asking who they are. The real armored car pulls up and the 2 robbers draw guns. Riggs runs for it and throws his nightstick,. nailing one of the guys. One of the guards is shot in the leg. Riggs hops in the back of the getaway truck. Murtaugh rides with some black lady (Delores Hall) in the other truck.who plows into the getaway truck. Riggs falls into Murtaugh’s armored truck then back in, pulling one of the robbers out. The black lady starts singing to annoy Murtaugh. Riggs goes after the driver. Riggs bites his arm*
Warlock: I’m hungry already.
*The black lady puts his hand on Roger’s thigh much to his dismay as Riggs hits the brakes and the second robber flies through the window onto the hood. Riggs cuffs him and says “You have the right to remain unconscious, anything you say won’t be much”
Warlock: You have the right to an attorney but obviously you won’t be calling one now.
*Black lady kisses Roger and he likes it but tries to play it off. Riggs punches the robber out again for good measure*
*Carrie Murtaugh (Ebonie Smith) and Trish Murtaugh (Darlene Love) banter with Roger over breakfast. Carrie says Roger has 6 days to go to retirement. Riggs runs in with his laundry and gives Carrie, Trish and Roger kisses on the cheek. Nick Murtaugh (Damon Hines) says “Spare me.” Trish scolds Riggs and Roger says they’re selling the house. Meanwhile Leo Getz (Joe Pesci) shows up with clients*
Warlock: Ha, Leo is his real estate agent now.
*Rianne Murtaugh (Traci Wolfe) calls the house and Riggs answers, pretending to be her boyfriend to confuse Roger. Meanwhile Leo shows the house off and says the window was replaced because drug dealers crashed through the window and shot the place up. Roger says he’s going to kill him for saying that*
Warlock: The first movie.
*The clients are mad and ask for full disclosure. Leo is forced to admit the bathroom has been remolded due to unexpected bomb damage*
Warlock: The second movie.
*The couple is mortified, they run out of the house and speed off. Roger is totally irate and he threatens Leo. Leo says its the law and he had to give full disclosure. Meanwhile outside Nick is being recruited by Darryl (Bobby Wynn) much to Roger’s dismay*
Warlock: Straight Outta Compton.
*The boys drive off as Roger grills Nick. Nick is cool as Roger and Martin say “word” to each other*
*Tyrone (Gregory Millar) meets with Jack Travis (Stuart Wilson). Jack says people like Tyrone scare people so building condos away from everyone is a goldmine. Tyrone takes the insult personal but Jack shrugs it off. He grabs Smitty (John Cenatiempo) who was one of the robbers. Billy Phelps (Mark Pellegrino) was the other robber. Jack walks with Smitty and says Billy is already taken care of but they need to start over. Jack has Smitty killed by throwing him into the cement that’s being poured, freaking out Tyrone. Jack says they can have their initials put in*
Warlock: There’s your heel.
*Riggs and Murtaugh drop by where Rianne is working. Riggs puts a paper bag on the meter and says they’re cops. Roger takes the bag off, “Yeah, we’re cops, not crooks. I’ll get change”. He walks into a convenience store as Riggs goes to light a smoke. Then he spots a robbery taking place. A robber (Henry Kingi) is holding Rianne hostage and Riggs makes a run for him. Riggs tackles the robber and wonders why he’s holding a rubber gun. Rianne says this is part of a movie*
Warlock: Hahahahaha YOU’RE HIRED!
*The director (Stephen Kay) goes nuts and asks “who the fuck is this lunatic?”
Warlock: Or not.
*The director shouts for the police and the actor (Adam Klineberg) appears but the director blows him off and says they need a real cop. Murtaugh runs over and says they’re friends of Rianne and the director fires her. He walks away but Riggs says she’s not fired. Riggs then pulls 3 Stooges tricks on the director to get her re-hired. Everyone applauds*
*Riggs and Murtaugh argue on the way back to the car. Riggs gets a parking ticket but tells Roger to put it in the back seat. Martin eats dog treats instead of smoke*
Warlock: Lethal Weapon 3 brought to you by Purina.
*Riggs and Murtaugh are changing into their uniforms when Roger accidentally shoots through the holster. Riggs starts pounding around to cover for him to fool the others into believing he’s going nuts*
Warlock: Nice cover.
*Roger takes his shirt off at the firing range and everyone gives him shit. The Riggs does a demonstration with hollow pointed bullets. He says they’re designed to plow through vests and they came from the gun they commandeered from Billy Phelps. Riggs says to be careful and everyone agrees*
Warlock: Finally some plot.
*Riggs says he’s going to get Billy Phelps but Jack Travis also walks in looking for him. Lorna Cole (Rene Russo) goes to get off the elevator but Riggs and Murtaugh get in. Riggs baits Lorna by whispering to Roger that his swiss bank account was laundered properly. Riggs continues to bait but Roger will have none of it. She gets off the elevator flustered but both she and Riggs request to see Billy Phelps. Roger asks who she is and Riggs says she’s Internal Affairs*
Warlock: Hahaha no wonder Riggs was fucking with her.
*Lorna zings Riggs with a few insults and they go back up to see Captain Murphy (Steve Kahan). Meanwhile with them out of the picture, Jack Travis walks in to see Billy. Murphy tells Riggs and Murtaugh he just found out IA is taking over. Herman Walters (Alan Scarfe) is chief of intelligence. Everyone talks over each other MASH style before Herman insults them. She calls them Mad Magazine*
Warlock: Ha, the parody for Lethal Weapon 3 in MAD was awesome.
*Murphy tosses Murtaugh and Riggs their detective badges back and says they’ve been reinstated. They celebrate as Lorna makes a face at Riggs that he actually finds amusing. They leave as Murphy tells them to get rid of the blues. Herman says he’s going after the Captain for this and he calls Herman a sonovabitch*
Warlock: Internal Repairs haha.
*Jack walks in on Billy, shuts the door and shoots him dead with a silenced pistol. Jack holsters his gun and walks out. He walks out as Riggs, Roger and Lorna walk in to see Billy dead. Riggs suspects Lorna knows more than she’s leading on. Murphy, Lorna, Roger and Riggs watch the security tape of the Interrogation room and Murphy recognizes Travis. Lorna and Murphy say he was a brutal and dirty officer with a record of suspensions, misconduct and reprimands. Murphy claims he and his partner were on a stakeout, he left and never came back*
Warlock: That’s one hell of a piss break.
*Lorna continues to take shots at Riggs as Leo walks in saying its time to sell*
Warlock: Master of bad timing.
*Leo says Roger’s house is infested with termites. Riggs tries to shut him up but Leo says he knows Travis. He remembers where and says they’re back in business. He asks for a gun and they both shout NO!*
Warlock: Saw that coming.
*Next scene is at a hockey game. The LA Kings are playing the Toronto Maple Leafs. Riggs, Leo and Roger walk in. Travis used to hit Leo up for hockey tickets, but he can’t remember where the seats were*
Warlock: Of courseeeeee.
*LA scores a goal and Travis stands up to celebrate. A fight breaks out as Riggs takes over the PA box and says to everyone in the LA Sports Arena that Jack Travis needs to stay in his seat*
Warlock: Haha imagine this in real life?
*Travis sits down and stands up before trying to make his exit. Leo spots Travis and shouts for Riggs and Murtaugh. Travis runs for it and Riggs darts out on the ice to cut him off where he’s checked by one of the Leafs*
Warlock: 2 minutes for roughing.
*Leo jumps on Jack and says he’s under arrest as they topple onto the ice. Jack shoots Leo and Riggs makes it to him. Travis escapes as Riggs takes off after him. Murtaugh stays with Leo. Leo says he’s dying but Roger says he’s just cold from the ice. Leo gets up and gets a standing O from the crowd*
*Leo is wheeled into the hospital, he got nicked on the arm. Riggs tells the doctor to keep him for two days, Riggs writes in he needs a rectal exam on his chart*
Warlock: Oh that’s just mean.
*Riggs and Murtaugh makes it to Fast Eddie’s. Fast Eddie (Norm Wilson) says hi to the duo. Roger will be cooking for Riggs. Riggs tries to smoke Eddie’s cigarette but Roger knocks it out of his hand*
Warlock: Hey you, no smokin.
*Riggs spots Darryl across the street making a drug deal. One of them sneaks up on Riggs and bashes him with a two by four as everyone else gets away. Murtaugh shoots at him behind a door. Darryl crawls out and dies in front of Roger. Roger is in horror and he frantically tells Riggs to call an ambulance. Roger tries to administer CPR but he’s dead. Riggs tells him its okay but Roger is still distraught. He explains that he knows the kid. Roger walks off as Riggs calls Trish with the bad news. Trish is distraught as well*
Warlock: Everyone’s sad.
*Back at the station Riggs tries to tell Murphy and Psychologist that Murtaugh is fine. Lorna says she needs to talk and Riggs pulls her into the men’s bathroom. Bomb Squad Becker (Kenneth Tigar) scolds him for not waiting for the bomb squad earlier. Lorna gives Riggs the runaround but he flips completely out at her. Riggs wants to work together to bring down Jack Travis. Lorna tells them the gun they pulled off Darryl was supposed to be destroyed months ago but someone stole a load of guns from police storage. Riggs figures out Lorna is in because it was an inside job. They figure out it was Travis and Lorna invites him for a ride*
Warlock: Oh wonderful.
*Riggs and Lorna hit up Billy Phelps’ grandmothers place. A doberman barks at them as Lorna freaks out. Riggs says he can shoot people but not dogs. Riggs speaks doggie talk to calm it down and they share a doggy treat. Riggs rubs the dog and tells Lorna to run for it*
*Riggs stumbles upon Hatchet (Nick Chinlund) and a group of thugs. He seizes Riggs but Lorna runs in with a gun. Hatchet, Henchman (Paul Tuerpe) and Big Guy (Sven-Ole Thorsen) put their hands up but Hubert Smith (Pete Antico) sneaks up on Lorna with a gun of his own. She drops the gun and nods at Riggs then kicks the shit out of Hubert. She kicks Big Guy in the balls as Riggs overpowers Henchman. Riggs fends off the attackers while Lorna starts up the truck. She runs over a few of them and drives off as Riggs jumps in. Hatchet says to kill the dog as the dog runs out, knocks over Hatchet and runs for the truck. Riggs demands Lorna to stop so the dog can make it to safety*
Warlock: Neyz would love that.
*The crates are full of guns as Hatchet and his men grab what fell off. Next frame is Tyrone calling Hatchet to tell him the deal is off. Hatchet tries to reason with him but Travis grabs the phone and says if Tyrone backs out, he’ll be found dead. He wants ammo and Travis says its time to pay a visit to the LAPD*
Warlock: Here we go again.
*Back at Lorna’s apartment, Riggs and the dog are tired. Riggs and Lorna share bonding moments. Riggs finds the 3 Stooges Nintendo game on Lorna’s computer and gets excited*
Warlock: That’s a Nintendo game, not a PC game.
*Lorna patches up a cut on Riggs’ head. They compare battle scars while stripping each other. He pulls his pants down and she stops. He protests and she says she can end it. He presses forward and she judo trips him while kissing him*
Warlock: 2 movies in a row he gets the girl.
*Next frame is Riggs on Murtaugh’s boat. He finds Roger drunk off his ass. Riggs tells Roger that Rianne came to see him and Roger gets pissed. He chases Riggs in a rage and Martin grabs the bottle away from him. Roger points a gun at him and Riggs sticks his finger in the barrel. Roger “Take your finger out of my bottle and give me that gun”
*Riggs throws the battle in the water ad Roger punches Riggs down. Roger takes another swing and Riggs blocks him and tries to talk sense into him. Roger says Riggs is an ice blooded killer and he doesn’t shoot Nick. Riggs calls him a selfish bastard and Riggs goes on a rant saying his life is his life too. When Roger retires he doesn’t know what to do. Riggs says he slept with someone he shouldn’t have. Roger “You sonovabitch!” and he punches Riggs over the side of the boat into the water. Roger “I ought to let you drown you traitor* Riggs pulls Roger in the water*
*Riggs explains that he slept with Lorna, not Rianne. Murtaugh says that’s okay. The Sherriff’s boat rides by and asks what’s going on. Riggs says they’re in the middle of a case…of scotch. The boat rides away*
Warlock: Even funnier.
*Nick is shaving the next day and Roger gives him tips. Nick tells him Darryl was his friend. Nick doesn’t blame Roger, he blames Darryl.Roger hugs and they exchange I love yous*
Warlock: Wonderful, can we progress the story now?
*At Darryl’s funeral, his parents (Sylvia Webb White and Danny “Big Black” Rey) cry as the Preacher (Vince Howard) delivers the eulogy*. Riggs, Lorna, Roger and Trish are there too. All of Darryl’s thug friends are there too. Roger goes up to the parents and the mother slaps him. The father says “If you want to do something about it, find the man who put the gun in my son’s hands.”
Warlock: Yeah, get Travis and make soup out of him.
*Next frame is Lorna, Riggs and Murtaugh at some kid’s house. Roger grabs him by the throat,threatens him and denounces the gangsta lifestyle. He wants to know where he got the gun. Next frame the trio sneaks up on Tyrone in his bedroom. Roger holds Tyrone at gunpoint and asks where he got it. Next frame the trio grabs Hubert from earlier and asks where HE got it. They go to read hims rights when a bunch of no goodniks show up. Lorna wipes the five of them out by herself. Murtaugh helps her and she almost wipes him out too. She says PMS is murder, Roger says he knows because he’s been married for 25 years*
Warlock: Riggs has…NO idea.
*Next frame is Murphy talking with Herman Walters. Herman leaves and Murphy spots someone on his hood. Jack Travis pops up and pulls a gun on him. Murphy “Jack, what the fuck?” Jack says he’ll explain on the way. He gets in the back of Herman’s car and makes Murphy drive*
Warlock: I knew something was rotten in Denmark.
*Riggs shows Murtaugh how to do a backspin kick. He does a demonstration and makes Roger try it. Roger kicks the watercooler off and the entire police department cracks up. The psychologist says he needs to talk to her and Riggs shows her away. Meanwhile Dolores shows up with flowers. She tells Riggs to tell Roger that he’s the jam in her jellyroll. She walks away and Roger asks what he’s going to do. The psychologist shows up and Roger hands her the flowers and walks away on his knees*
*Travis is using Murphy to get him to the supply warehouse. Meanwhile Leo Getz shows up with his arm in a cast. Leo gets enraged about his hospital treatment and says “THEY FUCK YOU AT THE HOSPITAL!” He rants and raves and Riggs tells him to check out Masa Verde Construction. Hatchet, some henchmen and Travis rob the place and Jack goes on a rant on how he didn’t want to end up retired and miserable. Murphy says he’s history and Travis says he’s jut getting started. Meanwhile Lorna access the IA computers and says that someone in IA knows about the ammo dump. On their way Officer Edwards (Jason Rainwater) wants to join them. Riggs asks if he’s got protection and Edwards says in his wallet. Riggs “No, your vest you dummy!”
*Lorna, Edwards, Riggs and Murtaugh heads to the ammo dump where they find the guard dead. Jack, Ratchet, Hershel (Danny Wynards) and others load but Riggs and the team show up. Hatchet takes Murphy hostage but Murphy kicks him onto the electric subway tracks, electrocuting him. Edwards is shot and killed by Travis as Riggs and Lorna plug a few henchmen. Murtaugh opens Edwards’ shirt and he was wearing a vest*
Warlock: They’re using armor piercing rounds.
*Murtaugh reloads as Riggs chases Travis’ truck on foot. The force shows up and Murphy is saved. Murtaugh gets to his car and Riggs makes it to Pico Station. He jumps on a train and tells the conductor to ram Travis truck. Travis’ truck gets away though. Riggs finds a motorcycle cop, tells him to phone it in and he rides off after Travis. A chase scene develops where Travis gets away and Riggs almost bites it falling off a bridge. He falls through plywood but is alive. He relocates his shoulder and vows revenge on Travis. He goes to light a cigarette but can’t as Leo Getz shows up. He says Masa Verde is legit and they have a housing project in Rancho Arroyo. Riggs says he knows where that is. Leo wants to come to but Roger and Martin shoot his tires out so he can’t join in*
*Leo pounds around mad as we cut to Riggs and Murtaugh on their way to Rancho Arroyo. Lorna joins them on the grounds, Leo tipped her off. Riggs rigs up the squad car with a brick on the gas to draw gunfire and see how many of them are they are. It was Captain Murphy’s car. A big shootout commences with henchmen getting dropped left and right. Riggs siphons gas out of a truck “Pfft, Exxon”
Warlock: Valdez in the house.
*Riggs drives the ammo truck through the complex to bring down the foundation, as Murtaugh lights him up. The lead henchmen shows Jack the damage and they run out. The complex blows as does the ammo truck*
Warlock: Blowed up real good.
*Roger and Lorna cap most of the henchmen as Riggs sets one on fire. Travis pops up and shoots Lorna down. Riggs checks her pulse but is strangled by Travis. Riggs “I’m gonna eat your fuckin heart.” Riggs chases Travis as Roger finds another ammo crate. He throws a hatchet and kills a henchman. Riggs and Travis brawl but Travis gets the upperhand. He goes for the bulldozer as Murtaugh caps the lead henchmen. Then he tosses Riggs a gun loaded with the hollow points and he blows away Travis. Riggs sends the bulldozer into the foundation as Riggs and Murtaugh escape with Lorna. She had two vests on so they stopped most of the shots. Next frame is the medic team showing up, Lorna is okay*
Warlock: Well thank Magus for that.
*Riggs says he’s going to be with Lorna. He kisses her and says he loves her. Next scene is Roger in the bathrub being surprised by his family for his retirement. Roger refuses to blow the candles out because he’s not retiring. Everyone’s disappointed but they’re all behind him. Roger “Word Nick.” Leo shows up and says he’s sold the house. Roger just has to sign the contract. Roger says he’s staying for another 10 years. Leo “Bullets aren’t covered in normal road hazzards”
*Trish throws Leo out of the bathroom and its just the two of them. He’s going on forced retirement in 10 years as they share a kid and he pulls her in the tub. Next Roger walks out of the house to see Martin kissing Rianne. His face drops*
*Riggs says he’s turning into a dog because of the dog treats. Murtaugh wishes Riggs’ next partner is just like him and Riggs says God would never do that to him. Roger says stop kissing Rianne and Martn says she kissed him. Roger “I’m getting enough fiber in my diet!” End credits*
Warlock: Good movie.
*As the credits roll, Riggs and Murtaugh argue about a call dispatch puts out. Roger “THIS time we wait for the bomb squad*
Warlock: Hahaha a bonus.
The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 7 out of 10. The story wasn’t as good as the first movie or as hilarious as the second movie. Its still a solid sequel that should have ended the series.
*Warlock rises from the recliner as Neyzor Blades walks in wearing a black and white striped dress and flip flops*
Neyz: Ever heard of knocking?
Warlock: Fancy meeting you here.
Neyz: I live here.
Warlock: Oh yeah.
Neyz: What do you want?
*Warlock holds the DVD box in his hands and smiles*
Warlock: You’ll find out..
*TO BE CONCLUDED*