*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a black wifebeater, blue jeans, white sneakers and gargoyle shades. He’s holding a wine glass of Dr. Pepper*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock shoots fire into the sky and walks into the lair*
Warlock: Tonight’s movie is the 1991 buddy cop action movie Showdown in Little Tokyo.
*Mr. America is in the recliner wearing green camo fatigues, vest and hat along with black combat boots and aviator shades *
America: This certainly sounds interesting.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch *
Warlock: It should be, now let’s begin.
*The Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “Detective Chris Kenner was orphaned as a child as his parents were killed in Japan. Now he is on the trail of ruthless Yakuza leader named Yoshido”
America: I got nothing.
*Movie opens with Yoshida (Cary-Hiroyuki Tagawa) brandishing a sword while we get the credits*
Warlock: Philip Tan again.
*Detective Chris Kenner (Dolph Lundgren) sneaks into an underground fighting establishment. A group of thugs led by Sato (Toshishiro Obata) show up.
*Kenner tries to arrest Tanaka (Philip Tan). The two fighters in the ring attack Kenner as a big spender puts 5 grand on Kenner. Suddenly Sato shoots up the place, Tanaka barely gets away. Chris is pissed*
Warlock: We shall meet againnnnnn!
*Mama Yamaguchi (Takayo Fischer) says she’s too much woman for Kenner. Suddenly Sato and the thugs show up for extortion money. Kenner walks up and starts beating people up while still holding the cup of coffee. Johnny Murata (Brandon Lee) walks up to the fight and joins in only to attack Kenner. They fight and Sato and crew shoot the place up. Chris and Johnny pull guns on each other and their badges. Johnny says Nelson (Ernie Lively) sent him to be Chris’ new partner. Johnny takes one of the hoodlums and says he should read him his rights, but Chris says he’s out cold*
Warlock: I don’t think that will help.
*At the station, Eddie (Rodney Kageyama) wishes Johnny good luck. While interrogating the guy, Kenner has a flashback of his parents (Susan E Cox and Rick Cramer) being murdered by Yoshida. The Iron Claw yakuza is in LA. Chris wants Johnny transferred but Johnny says he can’t be because they don’t want him. Johnny spots him doing a ritual and then Chris runs after him. The dude snaps his own neck and Johnny says “That was nuts”. Nelson walks in and gives them shit for letting everyone getting away*
Warlock: Off to a great start.
*Yoshida has Tanaka in the car crusher and kills him. Yoshida “Hate to see him die like that, it crushes me*
*Minako (Tia Carrere) walks up to Angel (Renee Allman) who’s smoking crack. Angel says to look out. Yoshida brings Angel to his office, she’s on video tipping off Tanaka about the raid. Angel starts stripping Yoshida and he starts stripping her*
Warlock: This is not the worst movie of all time.
*Yoshida feels up on her then decapitates her with a katana sword*
Warlock: Nice one.
*Nonnie (Vernee Watson) says she was beheaded but was going to die from smoking ice in 20 minutes. The ice is big in Japan, worse than crack. Johnny “This is a weird part of town”
*Chris asks why Johnny doesn’t know shit about Japanese culture. He says his father is a white guy and he grew up in the valley, his mom is the one who got him into Bushido. Chris says he had to arrange flowers. They are about to infiltrate the Banzai Club, owned by Yoshida. He says the bouncers don’t like him. Johnny “Why am I not surprised?”
Warlock: In real life, his mother’s white and his father is Bruce Lee.
*Chris punches out the bouncer and walks in*
America: That’s one way.
*Johnny wipes out two guards and allows Chris to pass*
America: I love their complete lack of legality and paperwork. I’m pretty sure knocking out the guard and sneaking in would be illegal entry. They’re breaking all kinds of regulations right now
Warlock: I don’t think they care.
*Various guys eat sushi off a naked chick. Johnny “I changed my mind about sushi”
*Minako sings on stage*
Warlock: This was right after Wayne’s World, too.
*Chris and Johnny want to ask Minako questions. She knows Kenner and Johnny says “Everybody does know him.” Minako says Yoshida is the owner of Red Dragon Brewery and the new owner of the club. Meanwhile Chris and Johnny beat up Yoshida’s men all over the club. Sato shows up and points a gun at Kenner’s head. He stops fighting. Johnny says they’re dead meat and Chris says to relax, if they wanted them dead they would be already. Chris says be polite and to show respect. Kenner introduces himself to Yoshida but recognizes him as the man who killed his parents. Chris flips and points a gun at his head. Yoshida says he knew he would come someday. He cocks the gun but Yoshida doesn’t flinch. Johnny pulls out his badge and says “its bad to shoot me”
*Johnny talks Chris out of shooting Yoshida. Chris says he’ll see Yoshida later then announces that several people saw him come in so they’ll just mosey on out of there. Chris says they’ll meet again. Johnny flashes his badge around*
Warlock: Like Wayne and Garth.
*Johnny yells at him for his behavior. Chris admits Yoshida killed his family after Johnny stomps on the car in anger. Johnny says he’s partnered with a homicidal maniac looking for revenge. Johnny says to do it right, clean and then go eat fish off naked chicks*
Warlock and America: Hahahaha
*Chris and Johnny tail Yoshida, Sato and the crew to the Red Dragon Brewery. Chris says Johnny will never work Malibu because its sheriff’s department, not LAPD. Johnny “Damn”
*Chris spots the Iron Claw symbol on the Brewery logo. Chris says Yoshida’s an arrogant scumbag. A bunch of bikers and chollos show up. Chris “I got a bad feeling this has to do with the ice”
Warlock: EVERYBODIES GOT A GUN!
*Yoshida says the Brewery is the front for the ice distribution. He tells the leader of the bikers that he wants 20 percent of bulk wholesale. The leader calls him a slopehead. Yoshida cuts his arm off and says “Now you have one hand left to wipe your ass with. Want to keep it?”
Warlock: He is strict.
*Yoshida pulls up to Chris and they shake their heads at each other. Meanwhile Yoshida visits Minako and hits on her. Then he rapes her in his office*
Warlock: What a heel.
*At Yoshida’s condo, he says to watch Minako as he leaves with Sato, Sumo and others. Johnny spots Minako and he says she’s laying things out carefully with a knife out. Chris says she’s going to perform ritual suicide.*
America: I missed it.
Warlock: Its all your fault.
America: What? How is this my fault?
Warlock: You didn’t stop Yoshida.
America: What could I have done?
*Johnny and Chris kill everyone in the condo and stop Minako just in time*
America: I love how she doesn’t hear gunshots or is just blatantly ignoring them.
Warlock: I’m going with ignoring them.
*Chris runs away with Minako then tips over a car for cover. He drives off with her as the car blows*
Warlock: Rest in piece muscle car.
*The three survivors of the attack proclaim their failure to Yoshida. The leader cuts one of his fingers off as an apology*
America: Well, what are you waiting for?
*He hands the finger to Yoshida and he asks “Is that all?” Yoshida stabs and kills him in the chest. Sato asks what they should do now. Yoshida says he wants Kenner’s head. Everyone bows to him*
Warlock: This just got real.
*Sato “Toss the finger in the trash”
*Chris brought Minako to his apartment and arms her with a shotgun. Chris says “You won’t see me coming”
Warlock: Why not?
*Chris meets Johnny and Johnny says Yoshida’s gang is at a bathhouse. They go in to investigate. Johnny wipes out the guards and they walk in. Johnny and Chris arrest everyone. Sato sneaks up behind Chris. Sumo swims underneath as the thugs start surrounding them. A brawl develops as Johnny starts kicking ass as the Sumo and Chris go one on one. Sato, Yoshida and others get away. Sumo belly flops onto Chris*
*Chris and Sumo tumble into the bath and they struggle underwater. Chris stabs him but is pulled underneath by Sumo. Sato kicks the crap out of Johnny until he grabs the gun and shoots 3 guards. Sumo dies in the bath as Chris and Johnny run away from the cops*
Warlock: They’re gonna have paperwork up the ass.
*Chris sneaks up on Minako and says they’re going to a safehouse. Its a pagoda outside the city*
America: I’m sure she’d appreciate a change of clothes.
*Everybody takes their shoes off before entering*
*Johnny “Next time get a furnished place”
*Minako joins Chris naked in a tub*
Warlock: Tia Carrere naked, fantasy fulfilled.
*They share bonding moments until she says she’s too scared to sleep alone. She wants to crash with him. Pointless sex scene*
Warlock: This just got better.
*Yoshida’s men storm the pagoda*
America: Time for a shootout.
*Johnny says “Many men” are there. Johnny gives him shit for banging Minako*
Warlock: How did they know where to find Chris?
*Johnny says Chris has the biggest dick he’s ever seen*
*Chris goes to town with sai’s, stars and other ninja weapons. They fend off the attackers as Minako is taken hostage. Chris surrenders*
America: They got the girl.
*Chris, Johnny and Minako are captured as Sato torches the place. Meanwhile Yoshida has Hagata (Gerald Okamura) torture the duo. Yoshida taunts Chris about his father. He watches in the backseat of his car*
Warlock: Heh, this guy is a kung fu master.
*Chris and Johnny team up to electrocute Hagata. Yoshida tells is men to set up a trap*
Warlock: What, they knew he was going to escape?
America: I think so.
*Chris and Johnny walk outside*
Warlock: Chris is still in his underwear.
*They get in their car and its crushed to the point of trapping them. Yoshida has the car placed on a conveyor to be chopped up. Johnny and Chris escape just in time*
Warlock: Damn that looks painful.
*Sato “Heavy metal sushi”
*Chris “I liked that car and I liked that girl, I’d like to cut off parts of Yoshida’s anatomy”
America: Me too.
*Chris back at his apartment trains to take on Yoshida*
Warlock: A montage!
America: Oh boy.
*At the Brewery, Yoshida says its time to move the ice. Meanwhile Chris in a ridiculous kimona and headband along with Johnny hijack a Red Dragon truck and drive toward the Brewery. Chris and Johnny drive through the gate as the gangs all pull guns. Chris shoots around with an M-16 as all the gangs leave. They plow through the wall, hop out and the truck explodes. They start wiping out Yoshida’s men. Yoshida, Sato and 2 henchmen run to the roof. Johnny goes for Sato as Chris wants Yoshida. Sato and Johnny go one on one*
Warlock: Time for one on one?
*Sato and Johnny fight each other using scenery. Meanwhile Chris wipes out the two remaining guys, including the idiot who was at Yamaguchi’s in the beginning of the movie. Johnny says Sato is under arrest and they continue to brawl. Johnny reads him is rights. Johnny spinkicks him into a red hot boiler. Johnny :”You have a right to be dead” He blows the place and kills Sato in the blast. Meanwhile Yoshida has Minako tied up with a gas trail in front of her. Yoshida shoots at Chris and Chris accidentally sets off the gas trail. He unties and rescues Minako just in time*
Warlock: Wouldn’t be much of a movie if she blew.
America: Nice phrasing.
Warlock: You know what I’m saying.
America: Otherwise this would be a whole different kind of movie.
*Johnny and Chris chase Yoshida into the streets during a parade*
Warlock: Oh yeah, a shirtless white guy with an M-16 and nobody cares.
*Chris gets shot in the chest but the bullet went through. Chris challenges Yoshida to a sword duel for honor. Yoshida accepts*
Warlock: All about honor.
*They swing swords at each other*
America: All I can say is his character must be running on adrenaline, he took a bullet to the shoulder, he shouldn’t be able to wield that sword*
Warlock: As my father would say, its only a movie.
*Chris impales Yoshida with the sword and says this was for his parents. He throws him into a firework display that blows him up. Minako runs up and hugs him. Johnny “Nice slicing and dicing partner”
Warlock: The townspeople celebrate.
Warlock: The box of paperwork for this would scare even me.
Mr. America’s Assessment: I give it a 6
The Warlock’s Assessment: I give it a 6, entertaining and easy to follow. Plus we got to see Tia Carrere naked.
Final Grade: 6 out of 10 – Good
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Well that was a hoot. Typical late 80’s/early 90’s cheese but it was short, to the point and easy to follow. That about wraps up another goodtastic adventure, have a pleasant evening.