*The Warlock is in the basement working the heavy bag when Neyzor Blades shouts for him to come upstairs. He hits his head on one of the support beams*
Warlock: Owwwowowooww. Give me a minute.
*Warlock walks upstairs, he’s wearing a gray wifebeater, maroon work out shorts and boxing gloves*
Warlock: Yeah yeah, what do you want?
*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner wearing standard attire*
Neyz: What movie are we watching?
Neyz: What is that?
Warlock: Annapolis is a 2006 movie about James Franco and half the cast of Fast and The Furious going through the trials and tribulations of the actual US Naval academy.
Neyz: Wow, a movie that actually has to do with the Navy.
Warlock: Yeah, all apart of NCIS Appreciation Month.
*Warlock sits on the couch and Neyz cuts his gloves off*
Warlock: So let’s get this party started then, Annapolis.
*The Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “Set against the backdrop of boxing at the Naval Academy, centers on a young man from the wrong side of the tracks whose dream of attending Annapolis becomes a reality.”
Neyz: I thought we were watching Scooby Doo.
*Opening credits has Jake Huard (James Franco) down on the mat during a boxing match*
Warlock: Oh boy, navy Rocky.
*Huard gets to his feet and rolls with punches but his opponent taunts him. Huard tags him with a left hook and drops him with a right haymaker*
Warlock: Down goes Frazier
*Huard wins the fight but Lt Burton (Donnie Whalberg) storms out unhappy*
Warlock: What’s his problem?
*Huard drops a small bit of cash on his nightstand*
Warlock: That’s all he got paid for that.
*The opponent and him work together at a construction site near a Naval base, they playfully insult each other. Jake makes a mistake and has to do over a whole support beat. His buddy says somebody from the Navy is there to see him. Lt Burton says he’s been accepted to Annapolis*
Warlock: Well that was easy.
*His boxing trainer and construction boss is his father Bill (Brian Goodman). His buddy is AJ (Jim Parrack). AJ and Jake talk about the future and AJ says his plan is to get shitfaced. Jake joins him and so do other guys. Jake does shots with them*
Warlock: He’s got to be there at 6:30 AM. He shouldn’t be drinking.
*Jake goes to leave but AJ stops him. Tells him to go check out this girl. Jake says hi and Ali (Jordana Brewster) says hi back. He sweet talks her about going to the navy academy and he asks for a night together. All of a sudden AJ gets in a fight and Jake goes to stop it. He looks back and Ali is gone*
Warlock: So much for her.
*Next morning Bill tries to talk him out of it but then says he’ll give him a ride. Jake says he’ll see him at Christmas and goes off to the academy*
Warlock: Why didn’t I think of this?
Neyz: You wouldn’t.
*50,000 people applied, only 1,207 have accepted. The announcer says their first year the cadets will only know failure. The training begins with various drills being conducted. Twins (Vicellous Shannon) isn’t keeping his elbows close. Ali is actually Jake’s commanding officer*
Neyz: Saw that coming.
*Ali makes Jake drop and give her 20*
Warlock: Hahaha get used to those.
*Instructor asks “What’s that smell?”
*Estrada (Wilmer Calderon) gets yelled at. He’s instructed to shower and shave every 3 hours*
*Midshipman Lt Cole (Tyrese Gibson) shows up. He inspects everyone and makes one cadet get in a bodybag, tells another to zip it up. Gibson’s demonstration is that this is what they will see if they make mistakes. Gibson says he’s been a marine for 3 years before getting to the academy. He says raise your hand if they want to go home, no one does. He then takes them for an obstacle course drill*
Warlock: This is really tough shit.
*Risa (Katie Hein) falls behind, so does Twins. Loo (Roger Fan) and Jake are head to head in front. One guy takes a dip while Twins can’t even complete the course. The instructor yells at him, calls him pathetic. He then says his new name is Twins because he’s so fat*
Neyz: Awww I wanna hug this guy.
*Twins, Loo, Estrada and Jake are rooming together. Twins’ feet are badly mangled. Mail call has Twins getting a bunch of letters. Next day at class they have a stress test of being under fire and trying to navigating*
Neyz: That’s really hard.
*McNally (Chi McBride) quotes Mike Tyson saying “Everyone has a plan until they get hit” during boxing training sessions*
Warlock: Its Malcom Pennington the Third from Revenge of the Nerds 3
Neyz: Never seen it.
Warlock: You suck.
*McNally tells Nance to learn balance. Ali stops to insult Jake about his left hook. Next frame has Loo, Estrada and Jake bantering before the unfriendly drill instructor smushes a twinkie against Twins’ chest. He tells everyone to leave but Jake stands tall. The instructor tells Jake to clean it up since he won’t leave. Next frame is Twins looking at his own pictures, Jake asks if he’s looking at porn. He was thrown a parade for getting accepted to Annapolis. He tells Jake that’s why he gets all sorts of mail. Twins says his father (Matt Myers) was proud of him to get accepted. Estrada shows up and asks if they’re looking at porn*
*Next day the quartet checks out a bunch of girls. They’re under strict orders not to fraternize with women. Jake hasn’t polished good enough and Loo yells at him. Estrada tries to calm Jake down by saying help is like sex, everyone needs it*
Warlock: Ha, good point.
*Ali “Nance, how’s the cow?” Twins “Ma’am she walks, she talks, she’s full of chalk”
*Whitaker (McCaleb Burnett) is the unfriendly instructor and he asks a trivia question to Jake and he answers wrong. Cole makes everyone stop eating because Jake bet their dinners and lives on the answer. Whitaker is happy as a clam. Jake and the team is distraught*
Warlock: I understand.
*Estrada’s alarm goes off and he is pissed. Jake wonders why. Next day Whitaker says Estrada doesn’t stink anymore and tells him Operation Disinfect is off. Estrada says he can sleep now*
Warlock: So that’s what that was about.
*Loo reveals Estrada didn’t shower the night before and demands Estrada turn himself in. Estrada shoves him and Jake separates them. Twins spots Cole and says “Attention on deck”
Neyz: Haha, he heard them.
*Loo goes to rat out Estrada but Estrada beats him to the punch by attacking him. Cole sends him outside. Next day is repair sub drills and Jake comes to Risa’s defense. Cole says Jake has enough problems of his own to worry about Risa. He then asks if Jake wanted to hit him but Jake doesn’t budge*
Neyz: He gave no indication that he wanted to.
Warlock: Its a test.
*Next day at boxing training, Cole knocks out Twins during sparring. McNally gives a speech that anyone can throw punches at their roomates, so he brought Cole in to teach them a lesson. McNally says Loo was Golden Gloves champion at 185 and Loo declines, McNally playfully calls him a pussy. Jake agrees to take on Cole. McNally says he’s not in his weight class or experience class, Jake says he’ll do it. Lt Burton is there and he nods in approval. Cole beats the shit out of him with rights and lefts then drops him. Jake gets back up but gets knocked down again. Cole taunts him but Jake gets back up. Cole batters Jake against the ropes and McNally calls off the fight. Cole taunts him and Jake sucker punches him. Burton, Whitaker, McNally and Ali separate the two and Jake leaves in a huff*
Warlock: Shouldn’t have done that.
*Jake goes on watch and Estrada leaves, apparently he has been thrown out. Jake puts on his dress uniform as Twins gets in from a workout and says 147 days to go. Jake is going home for Christmas but Twins stays to get some extra work in. Jake visits AJ on a battleship who’s doing work. Jake and AJ has a drinking party, next day Jake visits his dad. Jake says he wants his old job back as his dad watches a boxing match. Next day at work Jake finds a calendar of AJ’s, he had a bet going that Jake would quit. Jake is pissed. Jake confronts his dad about letting him come back to work. His dad says he didn’t want Jake to come home pissed off that he didn’t make it. The father said he didn’t quit, Jake did*
Neyz: What a dick Jake is.
Warlock: Yeah really.
*Jake drinks alone at the bar*
Warlock: I drink aloneeeeeeeeee
*Ali joins Jake. She asks when he’s coming back and Jake goes to dance with some girl. Ali demands to cut in. They share character development as he continues to step on her foot. She says she’ll see him tomorrow back at the academy. He returns*
Warlock: There would be no movie if he quit.
*Huard literally runs into formation at the last second. Lt Burton gives him shit for being out of uniform and to put himself on report. Jake smiles and says “sir yes sir”. Cole wants to see him at Memorial Hall in 10. Cole asks why he’s there. Cole says he’s not good enough, he says everyone else is PLAYING soldier but he IS a soldier. He says he’s not going to let Jake finish because he’s not worthy. Cole sneers at him. Next frame shows the entire Echo company suffering because Jake literally knows no answer to any question Whitaker or Cole asking*
Warlock: He really is useless.
*Loo moves out of the bunk and tells Twins to leave too. Twins says he’s staying because Jake is his Mississippi. He says people who live in Arkansas say that Mississippi is their favorite state because its the only one worse than they are. Jake scoffs but knows Twins means it in a light hearted manner*
Warlock: Neyz you’re my Mississippi.
Neyz: Fuck you.
*Twins Says Cole and Whitaker have been so busy trying to run him out that they forgot about him. He says if he quits, then he’ll be screwed*
*Jake wants to now when he can box again and McNally pretty much says never. McNally says Brigades Tournament starts in eight weeks. He says the boxing ring is the only place where everyone is equal regardless of rank and gender. Jake gets some speed bag training when Lt Burton walks in. Jake says he’s training for Brigades. They have a sparring session with no headgear*
Warlock: 5 years before Marky Mark was The Fighter.
*They spar and Burton says Jake is going to need help. Jake says he doesn’t need anyone’s help. Burton reveals he took the chance on getting Jake in there and storms off*
Warlock: Duh, how do you think he got here.
*Twins gives Jake his audio tapes to help him study*
*Jake says he’s training for Brigades and asks Ali to work out with him. She blows him off but he says he needs her help. She agrees*
Warlock: Is he gonna fight or is he gonna flirt? Jesus
*Twins still can’t complete the course but Jake helps him. Jake conducts footwork exercises. Twins says he’ll help Jake get to 185 so he can challenge Cole. Twins says he’s not only the founder of the Marcus Nance North Beach Diet but he is also a client*
*Jake helps Nance get in better shape as Jake trains for the Brigades*
Warlock: We’re gonna need a montage.
*Ali and Jake share bonding moments looking at Jake’s hometown. Next scene is the heavyweight division weigh ins. McNally tries to talk Jake out of it but Jake insists. He weighs in at 185 exactly. Next scene is the Briagdes*
Warlock: Here we go.
*Whitaker and Cole wins their fight. Loo fights Jake. Loo tags Jake with jabs then taunts him, only to eat a right hook and get knocked out, the whole room is stunned at Jake’s victory*
*Whitaker and Cole test Jake and Jake passes it this time. Cole dismisses everyone but Jake and makes him do extra work. Loo leads everyone back to work as a team*
Warlock: Don’t tell me a face turn.
*Loo says he’s a plebe, he loves rolling on the ground freezing his ass off*
*Jake and Ali flirt with each other. She falls on top of him, he leans in for a kiss but she stops him. He says he pushed her away and she laughs.Next frame, Jake knocks Whitaker cold in the second round*
Warlock: Hahahaha serves him right.
*Whitaker taunts Jake by saying Cole’s going to beat him in the finals*
Warlock: We’ll see.
*The naval academy visits the ship Jake and his father were working on. Jake walks by his father and they talk. Next frame is the obstacle course test that Jake helped Twins take. Twins ends up failing by 4 seconds. As punishment, he’s separated from Jake and the rest of his classmates*
Warlock: He’s gonna fuck over Twins to get to Jake.
*Twins is distraught. Jake says they can work something out with Burton. Jake says he can help but Twins yells at him and Jake storms out*
*Next frame is Loo pounding Jake to strengthen his ribs. Upon returning to his dorm, Twins has jumped out the window. Jake is enraged and tackles Cole in anger. He blames Cole and Loo holds him back, telling him to cool off. Jake shouts “Are you happy now?” as he is led away. Next frame shows Jake visiting Twins in the hospital then preparing to leave, expecting to be expelled. Cole walks in and asks if he’s quitting. Jake says he’s not quitting, he’s expecting to be expelled. Cole says he’s putting off Jake’s trial until after the Briagde finals*
Warlock: He’s giving Jake one last shot at him.
*Twins give him a pep talk in the hospital. The next frame is the final fight between Cole and Jake*
Warlock: Are you ready for the epic battle?
Neyz: I’m busy.
*AJ is at the fight, so is Lt Burton, Jake’s dad, Loo, Ali, McNally and everyone else in the movie. Round 1 has Cole battering Jake from pillar to post and dropping him in the corner. Whitaker cheers as everyone else shouts for Jake to get up. Jake rises and keeps going.The round ends with Cole in command*
Warlock: Winner Round 1, Cole.
*Ali in the corner says not to charge Cole. Jake fights more defensively in the second round. Jake gets the upperhand in the second round but Cole rope-a-dopes him and knocks Jake down. Jake gets up at the bell and sits in the corner. He notices Cole is winded*
Warlock: He’s got the advantage.
*The final round has Jake beating the piss out of Cole from corner to corner and drops him with a right hook*
Warlock: Down goes Frazierrrrr
*Cole gets up, pissed. They trade punches before Jake corners Cole and works the body. 30 seconds left and Jake hits him with everything he has, everyone cheers on Jake. 20 seconds left has Warlock standing and cheering*
Neyz: Sit down, its a movie.
*Jake tags Cole and has him on the run as the bell ends*
Warlock: He needed to knock him out, he didn’t.
*The ref announces Cole wins by decision*
Warlock: Cole wins the fight, Jake wins respect.
*Jake walks out of the arena amidst a chorus of cheers. Next frame is Jake’s court martial for tackling Cole*
Warlock: You are to be executed.
*Jake is supposed to be expelled but Cole dropped the charge from expulsion to 95 days restriction and 95 demerits*
Warlock: In other words, Cole saved his ass.
*Jake and the rest of the cadets graduate to midshipmen. Plebes no more*
Warlock: Plebes no more!
*Everyone celebrates as Jake finally gets to kiss Ali. They kiss*
Warlock: “Thank God I can use my dick again”
*Jake runs up to Cole and thanks him. Cole is off to the marines as 2nd Liuetennant. Jake asks him what would happen if the fight kept going. Cole says to find out, join him in the marines*
Warlock: Its over.
Neyzor Blades Assessment: Pretty good movie, 8 out of 10
The Warlock’s Assessment: 6 out of 10
Final Grade: 7 out of 10 – great
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: That was pretty good. The movie bombed at the box office although I don’t know why, it didn’t seem bad to me. Oh well. After that movie, I’m ready to go a few rounds. Wanna spar?
Warlock: You’re no fun, have a pleasant evening.