*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s wearing a gray wife-beater, blue jeans, black gargoyle shades and white sneakers. He’s holding a wine glass of Dr. Pepper*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock levitates before walking inside*
Warlock: Tonight is going to be a little bit different. We’re going to be watching The Good Son tonight.
*Neyzor Blades is in the recliner in standard attire*
Neyz: What is this about?
Warlock: A battle between good and evil.
Neyz: Oh wonderful….who’s in it?
Warlock: You’ll see.
*Warlock takes his seat in the middle of the couch*
Warlock: So let’s get started. Its time for The Good Son.
*The Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “A young boy stays with his aunt and uncle, and befriends his cousin who’s the same age. But his cousin begins showing increasing signs of violent behavior.”
Neyz: Oh boy
Warlock: You’re gonna love who the cousin is.
*Opening credits, Elijah Wood and Macauley Culkin*
Warlock: Told you.
*Mark Evans (Elijah Wood) is playing soccer and scores a goal. Warlock runs around the room*
Neyz: Will you sit down??
*Jack (David Morse) takes Mark to the hospital. The doctor (Guy Strauss) says “she’s not doing well.”
Neyz: Oh no, this better not be a sad movie.
Neyz: I’m not watching this!
Warlock: Yes you are!
*Mark walks in, his mom Janice (Ashley Crow) is really sick. She says “I’ll always be with you Mark, always”
Neyz: She’s dead.
*Mark “You’re not gonna die because I won’t let you”
Neyz: It’s weird.
*Janice dies offscreen and next scene is the funeral. The mass is surrounded by desert*
Neyz: Where are they, Colorado?
Neyz: He must be dying in that suit.
*Jack tells his brother Wallace (Daniel Hugh Kelly) that he can’t leave. Apparently he has to leave for Tokyo for 2 weeks and has to bring Mark to live with Wallace’s family. Jack says he’ll take him to Maine himself.*
Warlock: That’s gotta suck. His mom dies and his father takes off.
*Jack drives a Jeep wrangler through the desert and Mark is playing Gameboy. Jack tells him to put it down and enjoy the scenery*
Warlock: Hah, he reminds me of me.
*Jack pulls over and says not to shut him out. Mark says mom is coming back, Jack says she’s not. Mark gets mad and runs into the desert*
Neyz: If that was my kid, ohhhhhhh no way. I’d pull his ass back to the car, there could be snakes and shit out there.
*Next frame is a ferry going into a snowy town called Blackport. Henry Evans (Macauley Culkin) watches from the mansion as Neyz jumps up*
Neyz: That’s Manchester by the Sea. I’ve been by that house.
*Wallace runs out with his daughter Connie (Quinn Culkin) riding piggyback. He says Jack traveled 11 states to get there*
Warlock: What a haul.
*Connie drags Mark inside as Wallace says not to fight her. Susan Evans (Wendy Crewson) says its been 10 years and gives Mark an awkward hug. All of a sudden Henry pokes his head out of a staircase with a mask on, Connie screams*
Neyz: That’s scawryyyy
*Henry bring Mark a mask of his own and they both wear them. They stare at each other. Susan says she’s spoken with Alice Davenport (Jacqueline Brookes) as therapy since Jack can’t get through to Mark*
Warlock: Yeah, that’s normal.
*At dinner, Henry kicks Mark in the shin and he almost chokes on his lobster. Mark kicks him back and Henry smiles and says “No, that’s not gonna do it.”
Neyz: He likes it the sick bastard.
*Henry shows Mark how to open lobster claws*
Warlock: Those things are a pain in the ass.
*Jack takes off and says he’ll be back in 2 weeks. He’s leaving now so he never has to leave again*
Warlock: That’s actually good dialogue.
*Jack “We’ll be together in real soon”
Warlock: In helllllll!!!!
*Mark wakes up and Henry is outside playing army by himself. Mark quickly dresses but walks into another bedroom. Susan stops him and makes him breakfast*
Warlock: Yeah, go eat kid.
*Susan says she’s glad Mark is there. Henry calls him outside. They toss a football around before Henry brings Mark to his treehouse. Mark is scared but says he’s not afraid of heights. Connie shows up as they climb*
Warlock: Why the hell did he build it so far up?
*A branch breaks and Mark nearly falls to his death. Henry grabs him in time but says “If I let you go, you think you could fly?” while smiling.
Neyz: Kids a fuckin weirdo.
Warlock: Yeah, he damn near dropped him.
*Henry and Mark throw rock through glass windows until a factory worker (Jerem Goodwinn) chases them away and calls them little bastards*
Warlock: This movie is rated R
*Henry and Mark run to a cemetery where Henry lights up a cigarette. Mark takes a drag and coughs. Henry establishes himself as obsessed with death while they walk in a circle. Henry says he looked real hard at his brother Richard (Rory Culkin) when he drowned*
Neyz: Wait, what?
*Mark is freaked out when Henry badgers him. Mark says he’ll hit him and Henry stands over a well and says “Try it, and I’ll throw you in” Henry apologizes and shakes his hand*
Neyz: And the abuse cycle begins.
*Henry and Mark laugh about the day’s events and Henry says tomorrow will be even better*
Warlock: Uh oh.
*Henry and Mark run around a sea-port*
Neyz: That’s Rockport, I’ve been there too.
Warlock: So they’re not in Maine at all?
Neyz: Hell no, the mansion is in Manchester and this is Rockport.
*Kids walk across a bridge*
Neyz: That’s the Annisquam Bridge!
Warlock: Have you been there?
*A pitbull chases Mark and Henry. Henry says “Nice knowing ya”
Neyz: He’s not even barking, that’s overdubbed.
*Henry barks back at the dog*
*Henry says he loves that dog as they run off*
Neyz: He is a sick bastard.
*Henry and Mark spot Susan at the edge of a cliff and Henry says she goes there to think about Richard. Next frame Henry takes Mark to his shed to show off his “invention”
Warlock: This autta be good.
*Henry has invented a crossbow that shoots bolts. Henry goes to hit a cat and Mark tells him just to scare it. Henry says “sure” and fires…hitting the tree next to the cat. The cat doesn’t even move. Mark inspects the tree and says nice shot. Henry says the sight isn’t right yet*
Neyz: He was aiming for the cat the little shit.
*Mark runs to the therapist Alice Davenport’s house*
Neyz: That’s front beach in Rockport. I’ve been there.
*Mark doesn’t really want to talk but Alice gets him to open up. Mark blames himself for his mom dying*
Warlock: That’s not true. Stop kicking yourself.
*Next frame Mark tosses and turns in bed. He wakes up and calls out for his own mom*
Neyz: Shit just got weird.
*Mark calls out for his mom but its really Susan. He looks terrified. He starts saying she came back and its her. He’s delusional but Susan is oblivious*
Warlock: He’s delusional. He thinks Susan is his mom reincarnated.
*Meanwhile Henry looks on jealous*
*Next frame is Mark and Connie doing a puzzle. Connie asks if he likes living there, he says yes. Henry walks up and says let’s go. He grabs Mark but pushes Connie away. “Not you!” Connie says Mark is her friend too and Mark says he’ll be back later*
Neyz: That’s how all siblings act. It sucks.
*Henry and Mark bring the crossbrow gun and Henry wants to take out the dog. Mark tells him not to but Henry fires and kills it*
Neyz: Fuckin piece of shit.
*Mark is totally freaked out but Henry says coldly with a smile “I was only trying to scare him.”
Neyz: Asshole piece of shit.
*Henry and Mark drag the dog’s corpse and throws it down a well. Henry hums Taps and Mark walks away*
Neyz: Are you kidding me?
*Henry is swordfighting by himself as Mark looks on. Waves crash against the wall*
Neyz: Why would you live there? Bad waves would take out the whole deck.
*Mark looks at a picture of him and his mother and Susan says everyone loved Janice. Susan says she’s alive in him, Mark says in her too. He spots Richard as a baby and Susan says she misses him. Henry appears and says he wants to show him something. He says its top secret and can’t say*
Warlock: Hahaha top secret.
*Henry apologizes for the dog and says he wants Mark to meet someone. He turns the light on and Henry has a mannequin and asks if Mark will help him*
Neyz: This kid needs life skills.
*Henry and Mark take “Mr. Highway” to an overpass. Henry says he’s had enough of life and he throws him off. An RV swerves and rolls over to avoid the “body” and it causes a 20 car pile up, cars crashing into each other*
Warlock: Oh ho ho ho that sonovabitch, wowwwww
Neyz: That’s not funny, that’s horrible.
*Mark “You could have killed people?” Henry “With your help.” Henry “Once your realize you can do anything, you’re free. Nobody can touch you. Don’t be afraid to fly Mark.” Mark :”You’re sick!” Henry “Hey, I promised you something amazing. Where’s my grattitude?”
Neyz: How does nobody know these two little brats did that?
*News reporter on tv (Andria Hall) reports the 10 car pile up. Nobody was seriously hurt although some people got bumps and bruises. Mark wants to tell Wallace but Henry coldly says he’ll blame it on him. Henry runs upstairs as Mark tells Wallace that he’s been acting weird and he’ll see if he’s okay. Mark retreats to Henry’s room and Mark tells him to go away. Henry says “Go away? This is MY room.” Connie runs in and says they can go skating tomorrow. Henry grabs her by the ears and tells her never to come into his room again. Mark throws Henry against the wall and says its his room too now and she can stay*
Neyz: The plot thickens!
Warlock: What do you think of a heel Macauley Culkin?
Neyz: Not used to this at all.
*They grab each other and Connie runs off to tell someone. Henry taunts Mark by saying “You like my sister don’t you? Would be a shame if something would happen to her. Accidents do happen, after all, look what happened to my brother Richard”
Warlock: He just took credit for killing Richard without actually saying so.
*Susan runs in and Henry says they were just playing. Mark goes along with it as Susan leaves. The next day Mark sits by himself as Connie plays at a playground. Alice Davenport shows up to talk to Mark. Mark asks what makes people evil. Alice says “evil is a word people use when they stop trying to understand something” Mark asks if Henry is evil without mentioning his name. Alice says she doesn’t believe in evil. Mark says she should*
*Jack calls and Henry answers. He says he doesn’t know where Mark is even though he’s right outside. He says he’ll tell Mark he called and hangs up*
Warlock: Yeah that’s not gonna happen.
*At dinner, Wallace says he’s taking Susan out to dinner and asks the boys to babysit Connie. Henry says sure as Mark looks scared*
Warlock: Mark’s face is priceless.
*Henry says that Mark wants to move into Richard’s room. Mark denies it but Wallace says its a good idea. Susan is miffed and doesn’t want to, she hasn’t moved on yet. Wallace says she needs to face it and Susan runs away crying*
Neyz: So did Henry just stir the pot with these two now?
*Henry spies on Susan. He walks in and consoles her while smiling. Next frame Wallace and Susan leave as Mark protests. They leave and Connie wants to play hide and seek. Henry “I bet I find her first” and he kills the circuit breaker*
Neyz: Fuckin really? They have a fire in the fireplace going.
Warlock: Oh I’m sure that’ll come into play.
*Mark frantically searches for Connie and Henry shines a flashlight on him. Henry “Unfair? What do you think this is, a game?”
Neyz: This kid’s such a creepo.
Warlock: I’m diggin it. This really would be like Kevin McCallister turning heel after being traumatized by Marv and Henry.
*Henry finds Connie and she screams. Mark runs in and Connie is giggling because Henry is tickling her. Mark wants to stop but Henry says to keep going. Connie runs off with Mark as Henry plots something*
Warlock: Oh this is gonna end well.
*Mark reads Connie a bed-time story*
Warlock: Time for sleep.
Neyz: Not you! Wake up!
*Mark finishes the story and Henry walks in to tuck her in. “Such a sweet little thing, do you think I’d hurt her?” Mark “Yes.” Henry “What are you gonna do, watch her all night?” Next frame shows Mark asleep on Connie’s floor. He wakes up and runs but overhears Susan and Wallace arguing about Richard. Apparently she left Richard in the bath as she went to answer the phone. Susan reveals Henry took Connie skating, Mark takes off in hot pursuit*
Neyz: What hustle.
Warlock: He could have outrun Usain Bolt right there.
*Mark finds them skating and he runs after them without skates on.He trips and falls everywhere*
Warlock: Mighty Ducks 2 audition?
*Henry builds up ahead of steam and launches Connie into the breakable ice area. She falls through and Henry aligator arms her*
Neyz: Oh come on! Nobody is gonna do anything?
*Henry lets her go under as two guys (Bobby Huber and Mark Stefanich) rescue her out of the ice just in time*
*Susan runs to the hospital and Wallace is there saying she’s okay. Everyone looks over her bed except Mark who’s outside stewing*
Neyz: What a fuckin piece of shit.
*Susan stands at the ledge*
Neyz: Oh now he’s gonna push her over the edge
*Mark walks up to her*
Warlock: No, its Mark, not Henry.
*Mark tries to tell Susan that Henry deliberately tried to drown her. Susan slaps Mark and doesn’t believe him. She tells him not to lie*
Warlock: He told the wrong parent.
Neyz: No, he would have done the same.
Warlock: No, she’s fucked up.
*In Connie’s hospital bed, Henry visits*
Neyz: Oh great.
Warlock:How did he get there?
Neyz: His dad works there.
*Susan is with Connie and Henry says he’s concerned. Susan says she won’t remember what happened. Henry says that’s a good thing. Susan asks what really happened and Henry says it was an accident. He says he never appreciated her until now*
Warlock: Kid’s a con artist.
*Mark calls Jack and tells him Henry is a heel. Of course Jack doesn’t believe him either. Jack does tell him to talk to Alice Davenport and he’ll be there soon*
Warlock: Famous last words.
*Mark runs to Alice Davenport’s but Henry beat him to the punch. Alice listened to Henry first and Mark says she’s on his side and runs off. Henry pins the blame on him by saying he’s a psycho*
*Henry confronts Mark in the treehouse and Mark says sooner or later someone is going to find out. Henry taunts Mark by calling his mother maggot food and Mark says no, Susan is his mother now. He slides down and Henry says “Don’t fuck with me.”
Warlock: Heeeeeel! I love it
Neyz: Woahhhh, f bomb.
*Mark checks on Connie in the middle of the night and walks downstairs. Henry stalks him and casually mentions he poisoned the food. Next frame Mark is jamming the entire fridge’s contents into the garbage disposal as Henry tells his parents to come quick. They stop him and Wallace sends Mark into Richard’s room. Mark says “No one will believe me”
Neyz: He set him up something fierce.
*Henry stalks Susan until he slinks away*
Neyz: That was funny
*Susan investigates Henry’s workshed. She finds a rubber duck on the ground. Henry walks in and asks what she;s doing there. Susan asks if there’s anything wrong and he says no. Susan holds up Richard’s rubber duck and Henry says “Where did you get that?” Susan says she couldn’t find it and asked if he had it all along. Henry “It was mine before it was his.” Susan asks where he got it and he says he took it because he wanted to remember Richard with it. Susan says no. Henry aggressively attacks her and they have a struggle*
Neyz: Over a rubber duckie. You’re caught you little bastard!
*Henry runs to the well in the cemetary and throws the duck in. Next frame shows Susan standing on the ledge*
Warlock: NOW he;’s gonna push her off.
Neyz: I friggin hope not, for my sanity’s sake.
*Henry is in the corner crying as Mark asks what he’s doing. Henry says he doesn’t know if he’ll cry at his mom’s funeral. Mark “You wouldn’t.” Henry “Hey, she’s not my mom remember? She’s yours.” Mark “I’ll kill you first.” Henry “Go for it” Mar grabs scissors and pushes Henry on the bed, holding them to his throat. Henry taunts him to do it but Mark doesn’t. Wallace runs in and stops him and Henry passes it off at Mark’s the psycho. Wallace locks him in the living room and he’s there waiting for Susan. Henry gets to her first and asks to go for her a walk*
Neyz: Maybe she’ll throw him off a cliff.
*Mark takes a chair and heaves it through a window and Wallace plus Alice Davenport stop him. He breaks free as we shift to Henry. Susan asks him the truth about Richard. Susan asks him straight up if he killed Richard. Henry “What if I did?” Susan “We’ll get you help.” Henry backtracks and says he’d rather be dead. He runs off and she follows. She runs to the end of the cliff and he;’s behind her*
Warlock: Good call.
*Henry runs and pushes her off the cliff, she catches herself on a rock. Henry goes to take her out with a boulder but Mark tackles him in time*
Neyz: Boss fight
Warlock: Sacked at the 5 yard line.
*Mark and Henry roll around as Susan makes her way back to the top all bloody. Henry and Mark roll off but Susan grabs them both. Henry says to let Mark go and Susan says “Henry…Henry” and lets Henry drop. She pulls Mark up and they see the rock covered in blood below*
Neyz: She just dropped her own kid.
Warlock: Wowwwww that was intense.
*Mark narrates a voiceover saying Henry is gone and everyone is safe. He wonders if Susan would do it over, would she have made the same choice. He says he’ll never ask, end credits*
Warlock: Good luck explaining this one.
Neyz: That’s fucked up.
Neyzor Blades Assessment: I’m gonna puke. I don’t even have a number right now. That was such a mind fuck.
The Warlock: This movie was all kinds of fucked up but I’ll give it a 7.
Final Grade – 7 out of 10.
*The Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: That was pretty damn good. Culkin KILLED IT as a heel and because it was him, this made for an interesting battle of good vs evil. All in all its definitely worth a watch if you want to see Culkin as the villain.
Neyz: No, I can’t handle it.
Warlock: Well that wraps up another crap…goodtastic adventure. Have a pleasant evening.