66. Home Alone (1990)

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*The Warlock is sitting at his kitchen table on Christmas Eve looking sad. He’s wearing a black t-shirt, blue jeans, no shoes, socks, jacket or shades.*

Warlock: All because I wanted to watch Santa’s Slay instead of Elf. Come on…

*Warlock flashbacks to several hours before when he told Neyzor Blades they were going to watch Santa’s Slay on Christmas morning instead of Elf which is what she wanted to see. Neyz got really mad*

Neyz: I swear to god its 1 out of 25 with you. You find the worst diarrhea possible instead of watching what I want. I’ve had it with you, I’m out of here! All I wanted was a nice Christmas together and instead you want to subject me to this crap?  Don’t bother calling me!

*Back at Warlock’s table he begins to nod off. He awakes to a sound of a voice*

J-Magic: Hey dumbass.

Warlock: Who is that? Go away.

J-Magic: Warlock..IN THERE..NOW!

Warlock: Go away J-Magic I’m not in the moood…Wait…J-MAGIC???

*Warlock pops up like Popeye and standing in the doorway is the transparent spirit of J-Magic, dressed in his old Patriots jacket, jeans and glasses*

Warlock: This can’t be possible, you..you…you’re dead.

J-Magic: *mocking him* You-you-you’re right! Give the man a prize.

Warlock: I need to lay off the soda, this can’t be happening.

J-Magic: Why do you doubt your senses?

Warlock: Because…a little thing effects them.  A slight disorder of the stomach makes them cheat. You may be a bit of undigested beef! A glop of mustsrd, a crumb of cheese. Yes, there’s more gravy than a grave about you!

J-Magic: You don’t even eat gravy.

Warlock: That’s not the point. You’re not really here, I don’t know why I’m seeing you.

J-Magic: Ok then. I will leave.

*He begins to disappear*

Warlock: No wait. I’ll bite, what are you doing here?

*He reappears*

J-Magic: In life I was your best friend. You and I learned the arts of magic together. Although I’ll always be the better wizard.

Warlock: You’re a wizard, I’m a warlock, big difference.

J-Magic: Not really if you want to get technical.

Warlock: Anyway, the point?

J-Magic: Ever since I died you’ve been watching increasingly bad movies. I mean you and I saw some stinkers but seriously,  Watch Me? Legend of Sorrow Creek? Ooga Booga?

Warlock: Hey that’s not fair, I liked Ooga Booga.

J-Magic: Yeah, YOU did. You had to put our former associate Mr. America and this Mr. Wallstreet fellow through that torture. Also I saw what happened today with Neyzor Blades. She’s been a real trooper for you since I passed and this is how you treat her? Ankle Biters? Santa’s Slay, really?

Warlock: It’s got Goldberg in it.

J-Magic: Really?

Warlock: Yeah.

J-Magic: Oh cool…gahhh I mean…SHAME ON YOU!

*Building begins to rumble*

Warlock: Ok, ok, I get it. What do you want from me?

J-Magic: Me? Nothing. I just wanted to check out the Superbowl 49 banner. Think they have a shot this year?

Warlock: They’re 11-2 right now, if they get Amendola, Hightower and Edelman back, they should win it all.

J-Magic: I hope you’re right.

Warlock: So that’s it?

J-Magic: Also I’m here to deliver you a message. You will be visited by three spirits tonight to teach you the error of your ways.

Warlock: Oh good god, I’m Scrooge?

J-Magic: Shut up and play along.

Warlock: It is really nice to see you again, for real.

J-Magic: Hey cut that out, you’re supposed to be the heel here

Warlock: Oh yeah…*gets serious* strange apparition why must you bother me? Away with you!

J-Magic: Three spirits Warlock. THREE SPIRITS….CHANGE YOUR WAYS!

*J-Magic disappears*

Warlock: I need to lay off the soda, now I’m seeing shit.

*Warlock shuts the lights off and lays on the couch. A little while later he awakes to all the lights being turned on*

Warlock : What the hell?

*A figure in the doorway to the bedroom appears*

Warlock: Mr. America?

*Mr. America is standing in the doorway wearing white bedsheets as a cloak and hood*

Mr. America: Greetings Warlock, it is I the ghost of Christmas Past!

Warlock: Dude, you’re not even dead.

America: Shut up and play along.

Warlock: Wait…are those my bedsheets?

America: That’s not important. What IS important is your past! I’m here to show you your past!

Warlock: I don’t need to be shown my past. I lived it.

America: Dude it’s only a montage. To show everything would take too long. Even Rocky had a montage.

Warlock: Alright make it quick.

*Mr. America flaps his arms like a bird and says OGABOOGABOOGAOOGABOOGA before picking up the tv remote and hitting the On button then runnong over to press the play button on the DVD player*

Warlock: Really?

*The tv plays home movies of Warlock as a child and chilling with America as a teen*

Warlock: Yes thats wonderful, what am I supposed to be looking at?

America: This is your past. Look how happy you were. Look at what life was like before you started watching garbage. In fact, I remember one Christmas in particular. Let me show you.

*Mr. America starts flapping his arms again*

Warlock: Will you cut…

*America’s voice changes to demonic and the camera rotates into a 360 until fading*

Warlock: Woahhhh

*The scene shifts to Warlock’s childhood house. Its Christmas Eve 2003. Warlock is on the left side of the couch. His hair is significantly longer and he’s wearing a blue Reebok Number #93 Richard Seymour New England Patriots jersey, blue jeans and white sneakers. Mr. America is on the other side of the couch putting the VHS tape into the VCR. His hair is longer and he’s wearing a green Christmas Sweater, Khaki pants and white sneakers. From the corner, Ghost America and present Warlock look on*

Warlock: Heh, my old jersey. Look at your sweater.

America: Yeah I tried to forget about that…gerrrr I mean, that is not me! I am the Ghost of Christmas Past!

Warlock: Whatever, how can they not see us standing here?

America: This is a flashback. We’re not really here.

Warlock: Ohhh. So what’s the point of this?

America: This was back when you and I…err Mr. America were still watching good movies. You remember those days don’t you? Well look what we watched.

*Camera focuses on the younger version*

17 year old Warlock: I really need to get this movie on DVD.

18 year old America: Why? VHS tapes are cheaper.

Warlock: Nevermind, ready for the movie?

America: Yup, Merry Christmas.

Warlock: Merry Christmas dude.

*Over in the corner*

Present day Warlock: I think I’m going to hurl.

Ghost America: Me too.

 

*Back to the younger version. 17 year old Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “An 8-year old troublemaker must protect his home from a pair of burglars when he is accidentally left home alone by his family during Christmas vacation.”

America: If I ever have a kid, and am a horrible parent, have them capture burglars…I’d be rich!

 

*Movie opens with A John Hughes Production*

Warlock: He could do no wrong in the 80’s.

 

*Its bedlam at the McCallister family household. Peter (John Heard), Kate (Catherine O’Hara), Kevin (Macaulay Culkin), Buzz (Devin Ratray), Linnie (Angela Goethals), Frank (Gerry Bamman), Megan (Hillary Wolf),  Jeff (Michael C Marrona), Heather (Kristin Minter), Sondra (Diana Rein), Rod (Jedidiah Cohen), Fuller (Kieran Culkin), Tracy (Senta Moses Mikan), Brooke (Anna Slotky), Leslie (Terrie Snell) and Georgette (Virginia Smith) are running around preparing for their big family vacation to Paris. Harry (Joe Pesci) disguised as a police officer tries to get someone’s attention but fails miserably*

Warlock: I forgot how funny that was.

 

*Kevin complains that Frank won’t let him watch a movie, Kate tells him tough luck. Kate says he was in the garage playing with the glue gun. Kevin “Did I burn down the joint? I don’t think so.”

Warlock: Classic line.

 

*Kevin asks Jeff how to pack a suitcase. Megan tells him he’s completely useless. Jeff tells him to pack toilet paper and water. Linnie calls him incompetent in French and says Fuller will wet the bed. Kevin jumps up and down and says he’s living alone*

Warlock: Its not as cracked up as it sounds.

 

*Kevin asks if Buzz will let him sleep in his room. Buzz “I wouldn’t let you sleep in my room if you were growing on my ass”

Warlock: Hahahahaha

 

*Old Man Marley (Roberts Blossom) salts the sidewalk as Buzz tells a cockamamie story that he’s a serial killer who murdered people with a shovel. As soon as Buzz is done, he looks up at them*

America: I see you!!!

 

*Pizza delivery guy (Dan Charles Zukoski) takes out the statue in the front yard*

Warlock: Boing!!

 

*Harry talks to Fuller and her sister and neither answer*

America: Heh.

 

*Delivery Guy  “That’ll be 122.50”  Harry “Don’t look at me kid, I don’t live here”

Warlock: He’ll shoot him.

 

*Family leaves Delivery Guy standing there as they eat pizza. Kevin figures out Buzz ate all his pizza. Buzz mocks throwing up on him and Kevin jumps him, crushing Fuller against a chair. A melee leaves the whole family yelling at Kevin. Uncle Frank “Look what ya did ya little jerk!” Kate “Kevin get upstairs.” Jeff “You’re such a disease”

Warlock: They’re all assholes.

 

*Kate tells Harry their travel plans. Harry smiles and his gold teeth shines. As soon as Kevin gets upstairs “There’s 15 people in this house, you’re the only one that has to make trouble.”  Kevin “I don’t want any family, families suck. I don’t want to see anyone again for the rest of my life.” Kate makes him say it again. “I hope I never see any of you jerks again.” He thinks to himself “I wish they would all just disappear”

America: Don’t worry you’ll get your wish.

 

*A power outage during the night caused by a falling branch kills the McCallister’s alarm clock*

Warlock: Take cover!

America: Time to call the electric company.

 

*McCallister family realizes they slept in and everyone’s in chaos. We get a montage of people getting ready to Peter Tchaikovsky’s Dance ”   Meanwhile, Mitch Murphy shows up (Jeffrey Wiseman) and annoys everybody.

Warlock: Who the hell is this kid?

 

*Everyone piles into the vans only Mitch is counted in Kevin’s place*

Warlock: Oops!

 

*Repairman tells Kate the power is fixed but the phone lines will be down a few days.*

Warlock: Telephone company sucks.

 

*Family runs through the airport to Chuck Berry’s Run Run Rudolph. America bobs head around*

Warlock: Chuck Berry motherfucka!

 

*Family just makes it to the plane on time and everyone piles into the seats. Kate tells Pete that she hopes they didn’t forget anything. Right on cue as the plane takes off, Kevin comes down from the attic. He uses the commode and realizes everyone’s gone. Kevin “Mom?”*

America: They are thousands miles away in a DC-10

 

*Kevin walks down to the basement and asks if this is a joke*

America: Nope!

 

*The boiler goes off and Kevin runs for it*

Warlock: Is that normal?

America: Not really

 

*Kevin notices the cars are still there and then drops his jaw*

Warlock: He just dropped his jaw for no reason.

 

*Kevin hears the voices of his family in his head insulting him and smiles. “I made my family disappear!”

Warlock: Lucky him.

 

*Montage of Kevin running around screaming he’s free*

Warlock: Hahaha what the fuck.

 

*Kevin opens Buzz chest and reads Playboy before throwing it behind him. He steals firecrackers before stumbling upon a picture of a heavyset girl. “Buzz you’re girlfriend, woof!”

Warlock: Baahahahahahhaa

 

*Kevin spots Buzz’ BBgun and sets up starting lineup figures as target practice*

Warlock: I have that Larry Bird figure

 

*Kevin hits everything dead on without a mess*

Warlock: He shoots better than you.

America: Hardly!

 

*Kevin watches Angels With Filthy Souls*

Warlock: Its a take-off on Angels With Dirty Faces

 

*Snakes (Michael Guido) wants money from Johnny (Ralph Foody). Johnny: “I tell ya what I’m gonna do Snakes. I’m giving you to the count of ten to get your ugly, yellow, no good kiester off my property, before I pump your guts full of lead.” Snakes goes to leave, Johnny “One…two…ten!* he opens fire and kills Snakes while laughing maniacally. Kevin is scared.  Johnny “Keep the change ya filthy animal”

Warlock: Classic!

America: He’s definitely not getting up.

 

*Kate realizes something is wrong. Peter says he didn’t close garage. Kate then screams “KEVIN!”

Warlock: That can be torturous to someone with that name.

America: Yeah, sucks for them.

 

*Kevin sleds down the stairs and out of the house*

Warlock: That was cool.

 

*On the plane, Kate is in shock. Frank “If it makes you feel better, I forgot my reading glasses*

Warlock: Big help Frank

 

*In the burglarly van, Harry and Marv (Daniel Stern) plot their big burglaries. Harry has the whole neighborhood pegged and they plan on hitting the McCallister house. Its a goldmine.  They clink their crowbars together and prepare to go to work*

Warlock: Something…

America: Is afoot!

 

*Kevin passes out while watching How The Grinch Stole Christmas as Marv and Harry make their way toward the house. Kevin turns on the outside light and Marv and Harry beat a hasty retreat as Kevin hides under the bed*

Warlock: He really sidestepped that landmine.

 

*Family runs through the French airport to Tchaikovsky as Kate goes over the battle plan to get home to Kevin*

Warlock: Love that song.

 

*Kevin says he can’t be a wimp, he’s the man of the house now*

Warlock: Is it him or Buzz’ tarantula?

America: I’m pretty sure its him by default.

 

*Kevin runs outside saying “I’m not afraid anymore!” Old Man Marley walks up to him and Kevin goes running back inside screaming with his arms flailing over his head*

Warlock: Yeah real manly

 

*Kate calls the local police station back home. Rose blows her off and transfers her over to officer Larry Balzak (Larry Hankin). He blows her off and Kate yells at Rose to send a patrolman over to check on him.

America: Yeah that’ll work…

 

*The patrolman bangs on the door and Kevin hides. The patrolman says there’s no one home and leaves*

Warlock: Talk about incompetent.

 

*Peter asks the French Airline girl (Hope Davis) if they can get on the next flight back home and she can’t*

America: That’s not the airline that fucked up, YOU fucked up!

 

*Kate says she’s gonna stick around while the rest of the family will stay with Uncle Rob (

 

*Kevin talks to himself and puts on aftershave, screaming*

Warlock: IDIOT!

 

*Kevin tries to climb up Buzz’ shelf but the whole thing collapses and everything scatters.  Kevin finds Buzz’ money as the tarantula escapes*

Warlock: That tarantula’s going to win best supporting actor.

America: No its not!

Warlock: You have an idea?

America: I’ll let you know.

Warlock: Please do

 

*Kevin notices the Murphy house open and thought they went to Florida. Inside Marv is robbing the place while Harry plays with an RC Car. The answering machine goes off and its Peter saying to go check on Kevin. Marv and Harry figure out the McCallisters are gone and they’re going to hit the house up that night*

America: I can’t tell you who best supporting actor is, but I can tell you who the worst supporting actor is.

Warlock: *drumroll*

America: The shelf!

Warlock: Good call.

 

*Kevin tries to buy a toothbrush but Old Man Marley has him scared again. He runs off as Jimmy (Richard J Firfer) chases him outside. A police officer chases Kevin but he makes it home safe. Kevin “I’m a criminal.” Scene shifts to Marv who plugs the Murphy’s sink and turns the water on. He gets to the car and Harry yells at him not to do that. Marv says its his calling card, they’re the Wet Bandits. They nearly run Kevin over but miss him by an inch. Harry yells at him but then says Merry Christmas and smiles, the gold tooth shining. Kevin recognizes it and runs off. Marv “What’s the matter?”

America: You’ve been outed!

 

*Marv says to follow him and Kevin notices he’s being tailed*

America: You just nearly killed the kid, he’s not gonna forget the van in that short of time.

 

*Harry wonders why Kevin is running*

America: He knows you’re following him!

 

*Kevin hides in a nativity scene outside a church as Marv and Harry drive off”

Warlock: What a move!

 

*Kevin: When those guys come back, I’ll be ready!” Brenda Lee’s “Rockin Around the Christmas Tree” plays as Kevin works mannequins and a lifesize poster of Michael Jordan to fool Harry and Marv into thinking the family is home*

Warlock: I can understand the poster but where did he get the mannequins?

America: No idea.

 

*Meanwhile in Paris, the family watches Its a Wonderful Life in French unamused*

Warlock: Sad part is I can understand him.

 

*Megan says she’s worried about Kevin. Buzz isn’t at all. Buzz “A. I’m not that lucky. Two. We have smoke detectors and D. We live on the most boring street in the United States of America

America: What happened to C?

 

*Delivery Guy takes out the statue again in front of the McCallister house*

America: I figured out Best Supporting Actor

Warlock: Who?

America: The statue! He keeps getting back up, what a trooper!

 

*Kevin fools the delivery guy by pretending to be Johnny from the movie. The pizza is 11 and change and he gives the guy 12 from behind the door. Delivery Guy calls him a cheapskate and Kevin plays the part where Johnny starts shooting to send Delivery Guy away running and speeding off in his car*

America: Wouldn’t this end the movie right here?

Warlock: How?

America: Wouldn’t his line of reasoning be “Hey, I’m getting shot at while delivering a pizza. I think I should call the cops.” So the cops come by and Kevin is saved!

Warlock: That’s one way to ruin the movie.

America: Maybe we should keep track of ways to ruin the movie in the future.

 

*Kevin “A lovely cheese pizza just for me”

Warlock: I wish I had pizza.

 

*Kate tries to bribe an old couple to get tickets back home (Billie Byrd and Bill Erwin) and an emotional sob gets them to give up the tickets. Meanwhile Kevin says he’ll never do anything bad again*

America: I don’t believe you.

 

*Kevin puts on aftershave while lip syncing to The Drifter’s White Christmas. He screams*

Warlock: Why does he keep doing that?

America: I don’t know.

 

*Kevin goes grocery shopping by himself. The checkout girl (Tracy J Connor) is suspicious. Kevin “You think I’d be here alone, I don’t think so.” On his way home the groceries fall out of the plastic bags*

Warlock: Don’t you hate when that happens?

 

*Kevin does laundry and the boiler goes off. Kevin “Shut up!”

America: What?

Warlock: He got over his fear.

 

*Marv and Harry wonder why there’s no one at the McCallister house. Harry tells Marv to check it out. Marv “Now?” Harry “No, tomorrow egghead. NOW!” Marv goes to break in and drops his shoe. He says “Shit!”

Warlock: They cursed?

America: Apparently.

 

*Kevin puts on the movie and lights firecrackers to scare of Marv. Marv goes head over heels into the garbage before running back to Harry. Marv reports that two burglars beat them to it and one of them killed the other. Harry figures that they should stick around so they can frame whoever is the murderer*

Warlock: At least Harry is no dumbass.

 

*Kate tries to sob story the Scranton ticket taker (Alan Wilder) and says she’s getting home come hell or high water. Meanwhile Gus Polinski (John Candy) and his Polka Band says they’ll give her a ride back to Chicago*

Warlock: John Candy saves the day!

 

*Marv and Harry spot Kevin coming out of the house to cut down a nearby Christmas tree. Harry figures out that Kevin is home alone. Kevin decorates the tree as Harry sneaks up on him. Kevin tries to play it off*

America: Just act natural.

 

*Kevin overhears Marv and Harry saying they’re coming back at 9 to rob the place. Marv “Kids are afraid of the dark.” Harry “You are too.” Kevin “Mom where are you?”

Warlock: Fashionably late.

 

*Polinski and his band play Deck the Halls on their way to Chicago*

Warlock: Not a bad rendition.

 

*Kevin drops by Santa’s Workshop when a female Elf (Sandra Macat) says Santa is about to leave. The Santa (Ken Hudson Campbell) gets a parking ticket. “What’s next, rabies shots from the Easter Bunny?”

Warlock: Bahahaha.

 

*Kevin tells Santa to tell the REAL Santa that he wants his family back. Santa says he’ll see what I can do. He hands Kevin some tic tacs since the Elf girl took the last of the candy canes. Kevin walks off as Santa’s car stalls. “Sonova!”*

Warlock and America: Hahahaha

 

*Kevin walks by a house having a Christmas party and is sad. He walks by the church seen earlier and goes in. Old Man Marley spots him and sits next to the stunned Kevin. “Merry Christmas, may I sit down?” Kevin nods.  Marley “That’s my granddaughter up there, the little red-head girl.” Marley says he’s not the monster everyone says he is, Kevin nods. Kevin spills his guts and Marley says its understandable. Marley says he’s there because his son won’t let him see his granddaughter. There was an argument many years ago and neither one of them said they wanted to see each other anymore. Kevin gives him a pep talk to not be afraid to call his son to make amends. Marley tells him to head on home and it was nice talking to him. They exchange merry christmases and Kevin leaves*

Warlock: That’s a powerful scene.

 

*America sips from a coffee mug*

Warlock: Hey, sip your tea correctly. Get that pinkie up!

America: Its not freakin tea!

Warlock: Oh…ok, nevermind.

 

*Kevin: “This is my house, I have to defend it!* Kevin then places traps all around the house in a carefully orchestrated battle plan*

Warlock: I don’t know, that tarantula could still win.

 

*Marv and Harry says they’ll go in the back door as Kevin heats up a mac and cheese for dinner. The bell tolls 9 and Kevin blows out the candles*

Warlock: Showtime.

 

*Kevin grabs the bb-gun as Marv and Harry knock on the door and say let him in. Kevin shoots Harry in the gonads*

Warlock: Ow

America: Owie!

 

*Harry sticks his head and in and Kevin blasts him right between the eyes. He says “YES!”.  Harry tells Marv he’s going in front, Marv to the basement. Harry immediately slips and falls down the slippery steps. Marv does the same down the basement. Marv “Ow.”

America: A little bit of a delayed ow but I’d have the same reaction too.

 

*Harry slips and falls again while Marv uses his crowbar to make it to his feet. He uses the crowbar to get the door open. He walks in and goes to turn on the light, only when he pulls on the chord an iron comes down and hits him in the face. Meanwhile Harry makes it to the front door and puts his hand on the burning hot doorknob. He plunges his hand n the snow and when he removes it, it has an imprint of the knob on his hand. Meanwhile Marv walks up the tarred basement steps and steps on a nail sticking out*

Warlock: That would hurt like hell.

 

*Harry “I’m gonna rip his head off. Around back again, Harry opens the door and a blowtorch fries the top of his head. He plunges his head into the snow*

Warlock: Where the hell did he get the blowtorch?

America: I don’t know.

 

*Marv walks outside and slips again. Harry kicks the door open. “Where are you ya little creep?”

America: Like he’s gonna tell you.

 

*Marv “Harry, I’m coming in!” Harry gets feathered as Marv steps on christmas ornaments barefoot*

Warlock: He’d be bleeding all over the place.

 

*Harry “Why’d you take your shoes off?” Marv “Why you dressed like a chicken?” They slip on micromachines as Kevin taunts them. They then get nailed in the face by swinging paint cans. The one that hit Harry knocked out his gold tooth. Kevin calls the cops pretending to be Murphy. Harry and Marv spot him and Harry trips over a tripwire but Marv makes a lunge for him. Kevin grabs the tarantula and puts it on Marv’s face who screams high pitched*

Warlock: Told you the tarantula is the best supporting actor.

America: No!

 

*Marv spots the tarantula crawling on Harry and nails him in the gut as the tarantula moves just in time. Harry enraged starts hitting Marv with the crowbar as Kevin ziplines to his treehouse*

Warlock: That looked fun.

 

*Kevin insults Marv and Harry who says he’s gonna call the cops. Marv says to get him as Harry says that’s what he wants. Marv “He’s gonna call the cops” Harry “FROM A TREEHOUSE??” Kevin then cuts the rope with hedge clippers and the two burglars swing into a brick wall*

Warlock: Taking a serious beating.

 

*Marv and Harry chase Kevin across the street to the Murphy house. Kevin “I’m gonna call the cops!” Harry holds back Marv and says he’s got a better idea. Kevin runs through the flooded basement and up the stairs, only Marv and Harry are there waiting. They string him up and threaten to bite his fingers off. Old Man Marley sneaks up on them and wipe both burglars out with a shovel*

Warlock: That was a little quick.

 

*The cops show up to the Murphy house and arrest Marv and Harry as Kevin watches from his window. One of the cops says they know their M.O. now as they’re led away in a squad car. Mel Torme sings Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas as Kevin leaves milk and cookies for Santa, waiting for his family*

Warlock: And that ends Marv and Harry’s part in this movie.

 

*Kate and Polinski share bonding moments about children and Polinski says he left his kid at a funeral parlor. Next morning Kevin wakes up, its snowing outside…and the house is empty*

Warlock: Least he gets a White Christmas.

 

*Kevin walks outside and again no one is there, he’s distraught. Suddenly the van pulls up and Kate gets out. Kevin stares at a picture as Kate comes in the door. She calls for him and they embrace*

Warlock: Awww a Kodak moment.

 

*Kevin asks where everyone else is and just as Kate says they couldn’t make it, they all walk in the door. Peter says they took the morning flight home. Kevin says he went shopping for milk, eggs and fabric softener. Peter then finds the gold tooth on the ground as Kevin looks out the window and sees Old Man Marley reunited with his family. Kevin smiles but then Buzz shouts out “KEVIN? WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY ROOM??”

Warlock: You better run.

America: Better run for your life!

 

*End credits, Warlock applauds*

 

America’s assessment: Pretty good movie. I give it a 7.5

Warlock’s assessment:  A true classic although there were some potholes. The mannequins and the blowtorch were a little funny. I still give it an 8.5 out of 10.

Final Grade: 8 out of 10, Brilliant

 

*Bonus*

Warlock: By the way, Merry Christmas, the statue won best supporting actor.

Amercia: See! We should keep track of this.

 

*17 year old Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock : That movie is a classic. One of the best of all time. Thanks for spending Christmas Eve here.

America: You’re welcome, thanks for having me.

*They shake hands as the scene fades, Warlock wakes up on the couch again*

Warlock: Huh who what? Ugh…just a dream.

*He notices the bedsheets on the ground*

Warlock: God damn moron. At least he could have put the sheets back.

*Warlock gathers his sheets, dusts them off and goes into his bedroom. He puts on his Boston Celtics pajama pants and the sheets back on again. He climbs in bed and goes back to sleep. A short while later he awakes to all the lights on again*

Warlock: Here we go again…

 

TO BE CONTINUED

 

 

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