*The Warlock is outside waiting for a package. He’s wearing a black leather jacket, t-shirt, gargoyle shades, white sneakers and blue jeans. A short while later Darnell the Deliveryman with a package for him to sign. Warlock signs and walks inside. Mr. Wallstreet is in the recliner wearing a red Nejru suit with brown shoes and a green tie*
Wallstreet: That better not be another 8 pack.
*Mr. America is wearing white camo fatigues, vest and hat along with dog tags and aviator shades. He barrell rolls behind the couch and pulls out his .45 sidearm. He aims it at the package*
America: If that’s another 8 pack its not gonna make it to the dvd player. I’m going to shoot it full of holes.
Warlock: Relax you guys, its a fan donation.
*America puts the gun away and sits down on the left side of the couch*
America: Oh ok.
Wallstreet: So what are we watching then?
*Warlock opens the package
Warlock: The Mac brothers have graciously donated Night of the Demons 2.
America: Didn’t we see the first like ten years ago?
Warlock: Yup, Angela is back.
*Warlock takes his seat on the right side of the couch*
Warlock: Let’s find out.
*America pits the dvd on*
Warlock: Let’s start Night of the Demons 2
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “High-schoolers throw a Halloween party in a mansion haunted by a young demon”
Wallstreet: What else is new?
America: Halloween Party? Easier for the demon to blend in.
*Albert (Mark Neely) and Linda (Rachel Longaker) with black attache cases stop by Hull House*
Warlock: That’s the house from the first movie.
*They enter the house and a pair of eyes glows red*
Wallstreet: I see you!
America: I always feel like…
Warlock: Somebodies watching meeeeeeeee
*Angela (Amelia Kinkade) confronts the two. The interlopers are Jehovah’s Witnesses asking if Angela has been saved*
America: I called that one.
*Angela invites the duo for cake. The cake is of a demonic wedding with an open casket nearby. She pulls out a huge machete and the duo run for it. Angela “C’mon its Devil’s Food!”
*Angela kills the duo with a machete only we don’t see the kills, only the blood splattering*
Wallstreet: It was a brutal death
Warlock: We don’t get to see it? That sucks.
America: Your title screen does not impress me.
*Scene shifts to college dorms where two guys spy on naked sorority*
Warlock: PAUSE FOR IMPORTANT RESEARCH!
*America hits the pause button with a naked lady standing in a window*
Wallstreet: Oh what another beautiful day
America: We don’t want to miss anything.
Warlock: Now Wallstreet’s starting to come around
*Kurt (Ladd York) and his friend insult Perry (Robert Jayne). Kurt “Were you jackin it?” Perry “You’re the one with the binoculars”
America: He’s got you there
*The duo spy on Bibi (Cristi Harris) who listens to Terri (Christine Taylor) tell the story of the first movie and the aftermath. They insult Melissa (Merle Kennedy) by calling her Mouse. Terri says Angela is still out there and the demons are real*
America: Of course they are, there would be no movie!
*Sister Gloria (Jennifer Rhodes) says lights out and whacks the candle with a yardstick*
Warlock: Watch, the yardstick catches fire and the whole place goes up.
*Melissa dreams Angela comes to visit her. Angels is Melissa’s sister who turns into a demon and rips Melissa’s jaw off. Blood splatters everywhere*
Warlock: That was a really cool special effect.
*Melissa wakes up screaming and the sorority sisters scream too.They throw pillows at her for waking them up*
America: Now she has enough pillows to build a pillow fort now.
*Sister Gloria uses a yardstick and pretends to fence with it*
Warlock: Ok, my early vote for best supporting actor is the yard-stick because it thinks its a sword.
*Father Bob (Rod McCarary) comes in and wants to talk to Gloria about the school dance*
America: She has a confession to make. She leads a double life as a ninja. Also, I too vote for the yard-stick just for the sheer flexibility its shown so far.
Wallstreet: I lost the vote even before I casted one.
*Father Bob says the kids should help run and set up the dance. Gloria says they’re here on disciplinary orders from their parents. Father Bob says the kids deserve some leeway. Gloria says she’s been at St Rita’s for 15 years and the previous father was never like that. Bob leaves*
America: She’s about to curse him out once he goes.
*Melissa is asked if she’s going to the dance by some guy. The guy then says he’ll see her there.*
Warlock: Wow what a dick.
*The three girls gossip about Melissa being Angela’s sister and claim she got a letter from Angela covered in blood after the death. Sister Gloria tells them to cut out the “vicious” gossip. She walks away carrying the yardstick a rifle over her shoulder*
Wallstreet: Ok you convinced me, the yardstick wins
*Shirley steals the demonic book from Perry*
*Terri asks if its a sin to kiss a boy. Gloria says a kiss is a sin for an upper persuasion for a lower invasion*
Warlock: I am stealing that line.
*Shirley (Zoe Trilling) asks if fellatio is a sin. Gloria wants her to stand up and explains what that means. She’s embarrassed*
Warlock: Gloria wins that one.
*Father Bob insults Perry who says demons exist. Kurt shoots him in the back with a Mack-11 water pistol*
Warlock: Wow, love that.
*Shirtey calls Kurt inchworm*
Warlock and Wallstreet: Bahahahahaha
*Shirley and Kurt wrestle until Gloria shows up. Gloria says she’s lucky there are laws against the punishment she wants to dish out*
Warlock: She’d get arrested for that.
*Gloria throws Kurt, Johnny (Johnny Moran), Terri and Shirley out of the dance that night*
Wallstreet: No party for them.
*Gloria walks away and Shirley swings her tennis racket at her when she’s no longer in hearing distance*
Warlock: She missed!
*Shirley says she wants Kurt. “Yeah, you. Y-O-O- you!”
*Perry tries to raise demonic spirits with a different book in St Rita’s chapel. All the candles go out and Angela jumps out and grabs him. He escapes and Father Bob walks in. Perry says he raised Angela but Bob doesn’t believe him*
Warlock: The Ice Cream Man police would believe him.
*Bob grounds Perry, confiscates the book and bans him from the dance*
Warlock: Its all coming together now.
*Kurt rounds second for third base and Shirley cuts him off, saying save it for the party later. She wants him to bring Johnny to the party*
Warlock: He just got thrown out at third base.
*In the girls dorm, Melissa wants Bibi to wear a black dress*
Warlock: Why is Melissa dressed like a clown?
America: Its Halloween you idiot!
Warlock: Ya got me.
America: You need one of the dunce caps.
*Perry finds an invite to Hull House*
Warlock: Now he’s in.
*Shirley says they’re going to a party at Hull House with Bibi and Terri. She says to bring Melissa along. Meanwhile Kurt brings Johnny. Outside Shirley pulls up with Rick (Rick Peters) who tongues her right in front of Kurt. Kurt asks Rick where he went to school. Johnny kisses Bibi in the backseat. Meanwhile Z-Boy (Darin Heames) switches the directional signs of Old Hull Rd and Rick drives to Hull House*
Warlock: Who the hell is this guy?
*Rick drives up to Hull House and Melissa freaks out. Shirley says that was the plan.*
Warlock: So wait, Z-Boy switched the signs and yet going to Hull House was the plan all along?
*Shirley, Bibi, Terri, Rick, Melissa, Johnny and Kurt enters the house. A closeup of an owl is shown as Shirley insults the place*
America: Who goes there?
Warlock: Hoot goes there?
*Gloria watches over the party and tells the students to leave a little room for the Holy Ghost. Meanwhile Melissa prays in the car. Shirley and Rick set up pentacles with spray paint as the house begins to shake and groan on its own*
*Bibi wants to go take a walk with Johnny. Terri says don’t leave her there alone. Johnny “You won’t be alone” and smiles. Kurt smiles at her*
Warlock: That was cool.
*The walls begin to bleed and Rick tells Kurt to get lost. Kurt and Terri go off together. Rick pulls a black cat out of a box*
Warlock: Awww der smittens.
*Shirley says the cat will be perfect for the sacrifice*
Warlock: What….WHAT? I SWEAR TO MAGUS!
*Warlock levitates and flame starts appearing in his palm, America pulls him down*
Wallstreet: Its ok dude.
America: Get ahold of yourself, its only a movie.
*Terri walks with Kurt and they talk*
America: Your turn to get it on.
*Bibi finds the lipstick from the first movie and goes to put it on but Johnny stops her. They make out in a bedroom and Bibi takes her bra off. Johnny “You’re so beautiful”*
*Melissa hears an owl hooting*
America: Don’t worry its just the local wildlife.
*A big masked man scares the shit out of Melissa and chases her into the house*
America: That’s definitely not the local wildlife.
*Z-Boy unmasks and scares the cat away. He tongues Shirley and high fives Rick. Shirley says they scared the cat away. Rick says that’s ok because they have Mouse*
Warlock: Tough break for her but I feel better.
*Shirley calls everyone down. Johnny and Bibi continue to make out. Kurt and Terri run in and find Mouse gagged and tied up. Z-Boy points a spiked bat at them and tells them to shut the fuck up and enjoy the shows*
Warlock: They’d never get away with that. If they killed her the others would squeal for sure.
*Johnny and Bibi continue to make out. America pauses it on a closeup of Bibi’s breast*
Warlock: He’s still on second base, will he make the turn for third?
*Shirley then reads from Perry’s book and starts the seance. Back to Johnny and Bibi, they round third and Johnny goes for the condom*
Warlock: He’s heading for home!
*Shirley goes to stab Melissa and Kurt jumps in to save the day. Rick stabs him instead and Terri screams. Bibi hears it and tells Johnny to stop. She gets up to investigate and Johnny throws away the condom*
Warlock: He just got thrown out at home.
*Z-Boy shows everyone the knife is fake in a funny promo*
Warlock: Too early in the movie for non-related Angela deaths.
*Terri and Johnny run in and Z-Boy and Johnny go nose to nose. Rick says the place smells like Godzilla’s butthole*
*The entire group runs into the basement and find maggots in blood. Johnny says to get the hell out of here*
Warlock: HOW TO RUIN A MOVIE!
America: “Yeah lets get out of here.”
Wallstreet: “Yeah sure, let’s book”
All: THE END!
*Terri says she has to pee first. Kurt goes with her and then Z-Boy follows*
Warlock: Reminds me of that potty training video
*Terri opens the toilet bowl and a demon is inside and tells her to git! Kurt sees nothing and as they leave, the demons says “Kids!”
America: Ok that was pretty funny.
*Z-Boy spots Angela and goes after her. Downstairs they’re about to leave when Shirley says not without Z-Boy. Z-Boy finds Angela upstairs who scares him down the stairs. Angela then tongues him and possesses him*
America: That’s one hell of a French kiss.
*Rick says to hell with him and says they’re outta here. Shirley tries to light a cigarette but the wind blows it out. Meanwhile Angela and Z-Boy dry hump each other*
Warlock: That was weird.
*Rick has the car started as Shirley gets to it*
Wallstreet: Something’s gotta go horribly wrong.
Warlock: Yeah really, they really are about to leave.
America: Watch, the car stalls.
*The car pulls away and leaves. Kurt “We’re safe now”
Warlock: That’s what you think.
America: No you’re not!
*Perry tells Gloria about the hidden party at Hull House*
Wallstreet: You snitch!
*Perry and Gloria leave and the kids change the soundtrack to 90’s music*
Warlock: I like it
*Bibi tries to use the lipstick but it grows a tongue and scares her. Shirley grabs it and uses it*
Warlock: There ya go, that’s how they’re going to get the demons going. Interesting twist to be away from Hull House.
*Gloria goes to the girl’s dorm and there’s no one there. The group makes it back to St Ritas and Melissa is PISSED. Rick and Shirley want to go at it. Meanwhile Father Bob calls the cops on behalf of Perry and Gloria*
Warlock: At least he called the cops.Won’t find anything but still.
*The group makes it back to the dance. Kurt and Terri go off on their own. Shirley runs to the restroom as Melissa cries in her room*
Warlock: Ok, now what?
*Shirley calls herself dollface then pulls the lipstick out again. It then attaches itself inside her mouth.Now the door is locked and the lipstick turns into a tentacle*
Warlock: I see where this is going….
*The tentacle goes all the way in Shirley’s vagina (unseen) and she slumps to the ground*
Warlock: Yup…I knew it.
America: Sleepy time.
*Angela appears from a cloud of smoke and pulls Shirley in for a long kiss*
Warlock: Ok this just got better.
America: Did not see that one coming.
Wallstreet: That was unexpected.
*Angela crashes the party and does a table dance for everyone to screamo death metal*
Warlock: Anybody have any ones?
*Gloria and Perry investigate the party as Angela poiurs the punch bowl on herself. Gloria goes to Angela “YOU don’t belong here”
America: Ya think? What gave that away?
*Shirley dances up on Rick as Gloria walks after Angela only Angela vanishes*
America: Now ya see me, now ya don’t.
*Shirley rips her dress off and uses her breasts to melt Rick’s hand off before snapping his neck. Perry and Gloria tell everyone to run to the chapel. All the kids run except Johnny, Perry and Terri. Johnny savate kicks Shirley as Gloria holds up a cross*
Wallstreet: How dare you strike a woman.
Warlock: That ain’t no woman, that’s a demon.
America: For once Warlock is right.
*Perry says the lipstick is how the demons got out of Hull House. Gloria says to go get Father Bob to give Rick last rites. Gloria says she needs to prepare. Montage shows Gloria getting ready ninja style*
Wallstreet: What the heck?
America: Balloon grenades!
*Johnny and Bibi run to find Kurt and Terri as Perry turns his super soaker into a holy water cannon*
Warlock: This is actually fun.
*Kurt and Terri make out as a hand reaches up and unzips Kurt’s pants. He notices Terri’s hands are up on his face. He looks down and Angela’s hand gives him the finger*
*Angela chases them inside the dorm. Angela cuts Kurt’s head off with her machete. Terri runs outside and Shirley gives her the french kiss of death. Terri struggles initially and then returns it*
Warlock: This movie is ahead of its time.
*Johnny wakes Father Bob up as Angela walks into Melissa’s room. Melissa doesn’t believe its real and Angela gives a sob story*
America: Don’t trust her!
*Angela says she’s going to take Melissa away to a happy place. They hug and Angela’s face turns. Meanwhile Father Bob wants to know what’s going on. Perry packed an arsenal and Gloria says good. Meanwhile Bibi searches for Melissa*
Wallstreet: She’s done. Run for your life!
*Demon Terri snatches Bibi who screams. Johnny, Perry and Gloria jump to her rescue. Perry pours holy water down Terri’s throat who pukes green stuff out. Terri goes back to normal and Gloria whacks the puke. “Touche!”
Warlock: That was cool.
*Perry spots Angela and Melissa leaving together. Rick and Shirley pull up and the five drive off. Father Bob confronts Bibi, Johnny, Gloria and Perry. He doesn’t believe any of them. Perry says he’s going to Hull House to save Melissa. Gloria won’t let them leave. Bob says they’ll all go just so he can lay the legend of Hull House to rest*
Warlock: One less headache for him.
*Perry, Bob, Gloria, Johnny and Bibi make it to Hull House*
Warlock: Ok, we got a 5 on 5 Survivor Series. Perry,Bob, Gloria, Johnny and Bibi against Melissa, Angela, Rick, Z-Boy and Shirley.
*Bob says they should split up*
*Perry says he’ll go with Bob to protect him from himself. Gloria, Johnny and Bibi agree to head upstairs. A gurney wheels by on its own. Johnny “What the hell?”
Warlock: Hell is right.
*Bibi is trapped behind a door. Johnny goes for a running start but HE gets trapped in other room. Angela punches him out a window. Gloria is now on her own. Meanwhile Perry and Bob run into Rick. Bob disarms Perry and Rick kills Father with a dagger. Perry uses the water balloon grenade to literally blow rick’s head off. Angela chases him away*
Wallstreet: He’s out of ammo.
America: People never learn to reload….and NOT to split up.
Warlock: Down to 4 on 4 now.
*Johnny runs into Kurt bouncing his own head as a basketball. “Larry Bird shoots, he scores!”
*Kurt reattaches his head, corners Johnny and goes to give him the Moe Howard special eyepoke but Perry saves the day with another holy water balloon grenade. Kurt’s head falls off and says “That’s a technical foul.” Perry “No, field goal!” Perry kicks Kurt’s head over the wall*
Warlock: ITS GOOD!!!!!
*Johnny asks where Bob is. Perry says don’t ask and wipes out Kurt with another grenade. Z-Boy then jumps out and nails Perry in the head with the spiked bat. Perry turns but Johnny saves him with the holy water. Perry says to save Melissa and dies for real this time*
Warlock and America: *Fake death* ehhhhhhh
Wallstreet: His troubles are over.
Warlock: Down to 4 on 3.
Wallstreet: Advantage demons.
*Bibi walks down a hallway and goes to open a door*
America: Oh boy, door handle!
*Demon Z-Boy stalks Bibi and goes to rape her. Gloria uses the rosary beads as nunchucks*
Warlock: Heh, get it…nun-chucks
*Bob walks up and snatches Bibi as Shirley wrestles with Gloria. Johnny shows up and saves the day with hoky water grenades and the holy water cannon. Shirley and Bob melt into each other. Z-Boy shows up and Bibi hits him in the gonads with a holy water balloon grenade. He collapses*
Warlock: Just like that its 3 on 2.
Wallstreet: Advantage humans.
*The trio walks up to Melissa about to be sacrificed. Angela’s voice (James W Quinn) says its time for the final battle. Angela promptly beheads Gloria and knocks the weapons out of Johnny’s hands. Suddenly Gloria’s head grows back and she taunts Angela*
Warlock: Wait, what the fuck?
Wallstreet: Did NOT see that coming.
*Angela makes Gloria and Melissa switch places. Angela tells Mellisa to behead Gloria. Angela then uses her power to stop Johnny and Bibi in their tracks. Melissa goes to kill Gloria but stops and and stabs Angela instead. Gloria pulls out Perry’s uzi and melts Angela with it slowly*
Wallstreet: Ah lovely, severe sinus infection right there.
*Gloria says let’s get out of here. They walk into another room that wasn’t there before. Suddenly Angela comes in as a giant rattlesnake and taunts them. Snake Angela knocks down Johnny and Gloria. Angela snatches Bibi and Melissa. Johnny then kicks out the barred window and the sunlight melts Angela*
America: Forget your sun screen?
America: Even better.
Warlock: Are they ever gonna explain how Gloria is still alive?
*Gloria: “Let’s go home children”
Wallstreet: And when we get there, you’re all grounded.
*Gloria drives the van back with Johnny, Bibi and Melissa. A random person finds the lipstick that turns into a really bad cgi snake. End credits*
Warlock: So they’re never gonna explain that huh?
Wallstreet: I saw the head get cut off.
Wallstreet’s Assessment: I don’t know. I give it a 5 out of 10, I liked it.
America’s Assessment: I’ll give it a 4. Decent production value it, not the strongest storyline but at least it was coherant.
Warlock: I was going to give it a 6 for the special effects, nudity, and the holy water weapons….but…..the fact Gloria was never explained ruined it. I give it a 4.5 for that horrific oversight alone.
Final Grade: 4 out of 10….Bad
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Dammit…dammit..DAMMIT! I wanted to like the movie, I really did. It had good gore effects, easy to follow storyline and generous nudity. That ending ruined it. Thank you to the Mac Brothers for the donation…
*The dvd box then levitates in the air*
America: Nice trick, can I put the dvd away please?
Warlock: Im not doing that…
*Suddenly the lights go out, the dvd box begins to smoke and Wallstreet runs and stands behind America and Warlock*
Wallstreet: What in the world is going on?
*The room glows red and out of the smoke appears Angela in demon form*
Angela: Hello pathetic fools, I’ve come for your souls!
*America barrell rolls behind the couch and grabs his carbine rifle*
America: Guys get out of the way I can’t get a clean shot!
*Angela levitates and cackles*
Warlock: Its ok guys I got this.
*Warlock levitates and flames emit from his palms. Angela stops cackling*
Warlock: Yes ma’am.
*Angela disappears and the dvd box falls into Wallstreets hands*
*Wallstreet tosses the box to America who puts the dvd back in. He tosses the box to Warlock. Angela on the cover winks at him. Warlock smiles and goes to ship the movie back*
Warlock: Have a pleasant evening.