*Opening graphic T-H-E-W-A-R-L-O-C-K to the Rocky theme. Warlock is working the speedbag in his basement and then slams it at the end. He’s wearing maroon shorts, gray t-shirt and white sneakers.*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair…..welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock throws a combination as Neyzor Blades facepalms. Neyzor Blades is in the recliner facepalming*
Neyz: Cut it out will you?
Warlock: Tonight’s film is continuing coverage of the theatrical release of Creed with Rocky 4! Its USA vs USSR as Rocky fights Ivan Drago.
*Warlock takes his seat on the couch*
Warlock: You’ll find out. We’ll all find out because its time for Rocky 4
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “After iron man Drago, a highly intimidating 6-foot-5, 261-pound Soviet athlete, kills Apollo Creed in an exhibition match, Rocky comes to the heart of Russia for 15 pile-driving boxing rounds of revenge”
Neyz: Spoiler alert!!!
*Movie begins with a Soviet boxing glove smashing with an American boxing glove with Survivor’s Eye of the Tiger and the ending to the last movie. Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) beats Clubber Lang (Mr. T) while Adrian (Talia Shire), Paulie (Burt Young) and Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) celebrate. Rocky and Apollo have their private fight behind closed doors*
Warlock: Took 3 minutes off the run time.
*Rocky drives home to his mansion. His son Rocky Jr (Rocky Krakoff) films him with a giant camcorder. His son asked him who gave him his hat, Rocky says his friend. His son asks him who hit him in the eye, Rocky says the same friend*
*Rocky is late for Paulie’s birthday. When he gets in he says he has a surprise for Paulie. Paulie “Is it parked in the driveway?”. Instead a robot hovers out holding his birthday cake. Paulie: “I wanted a sportscar, not a walking trash can.”
Warlock: I wonder if Oscar is in there.
*Paulie asks Rocky Jr to put out the candles. Rocky Jr squirts the candles and Paulie with whipped cream*
*Stallone brings a special cake to Adrian to celebrate their 9 year anniversary. He gets her a bangle for the occasion. Rocky “You ain’t never getting rid of me.” They kiss.
*The Russian contingent makes their way to the Unites States. Ivan Drago (Dolph Lungren), Ludmilla (Brigitte Nielsen) and Nicoli Koloff (Michael Pataki) make their way through the airport. Koloff say they’ll talk at a press conference*
Warlock: She was Stallone’s real life wife at the time.
*Apollo Creed is in his pool with his 3 dogs watching the press conference. Ludmilla does the talking and says he’s here on a mission of peace and competition. Koloff says Drago has been training with Manuel Vega (James “Cannonball” Green” and Igor Rimsky (George Rogan). Koloff says that he wants an exhibition match with Rocky Balboa. He also calls Drago indestructable. Apollo looks on miffed*
Warlock: Uh oh…something is afoot.
*Rocky is washing his car with his son. His son wants to fight and Rocky says he fights so his son won’t have to. He gets a call from Apollo. Apollo is on his way*
Neyz: They have a walking, talking robot but they don’t have wireless phones?
Warlock: Its 1985, they were in their infancy.
*We got to a demonstrative training session with Ivan Drago. A reporter asks if Drago is on the roids. Ludmilla says he ate his spinnach to a smattering of guffaws. Koloff says a normall heavyweight averages 700 pounds of pressure with every blow landed. Drago’s punch is 1,850 pounds. “Whatever he hits, he destroys!”
Warlock: That’s a great set-up.
*Apollo says he wants to take the exhibition bout. He says Drago has brute strength but is slow and clumsy. Suddenly Paulie’s Robot walks in. Apollo “What the hell is that?” Robot gives Paulie a beer and now the voice changes to a woman’s. Adrian tries to be the voice of reason and says she doesn’t want either of them get hurt. Apollo and Rocky watch their second fight and reminisce. Apollo casually mentions that they’re ancient history. Rocky tries to talk Apollo out of fighting Ivan. Rocky tries to make the point that they’re past their prime and they can’t fight like they did anymore. Apollo makes a great speech that fighters don’t know what else to do. All they know is action. Apollo asks Rocky to be in his corner and Rocky says sure*
Warlock: Bad idea…bad idea.
*A press conference is shown with Apollo and Drago. Apollo clowns with the reporters and casually mentions that Russia doesn’t have the best athletes. Mary Anne Creed (Sylvia Meals) laughs in the crowd. Drago stonefaces a question and Ludmilla answers for him. Ludmilla says beating Creed will be a great victory. Creed gets pissed and says he’ll be the winner. Koloff runs his mouth saying Creed is too old to put up a fight and is a has-been. Creed gets up and gets in Drago’s face, calling him a chump. Drago shoves him and Creed storms away, asking Rocky how he did. Drago rips down a picture of Creed and stares at him*
Warlock: Here we go.
*The setting is the MGM Grand in Vegas for Creed vs Drago. Apollo in the dressing room has a defaced picture of Drago on the mirror*
*Rocky says they should postpone for a few weeks because they don’t know anything about him. Rocky says this is an exhibition that doesn’t mean anything and Creed says it means something to him. Rocky will understand when its over*
Warlock: Oh will he ever.
*Ludmilla confronts Mary-Anne, shakes her hand and says hope they can be friends after. Mary-Anne is skeptical but is polite anyway*
Warlock: I don’t think that will happen.
*Drago is surprised as James Brown (himself) performs for Creed’s entrance. Apollo is dressed in his USA outfit from Rocky 1*
Neyz: What’s all this happy horseshit?
*James Brown performs “Living in America” as Paulie, Duke (Tony Burton) and Rocky make their way to ringside. Apollo dances around with James Brown before getting in the ring*
Warlock: Apollo, always the showman.
*Stu Nahan (himself) and Warner Wolf (himself) announce the fight as Rocky waves to the adoring crowd. Apollo is introduced with about 7 nicknames. Drago is listed as 6’4 260 pounds*
*Lou Fillipo (himself) is the ref. Apollo goes to pound Drago’s gloves but they don’t move. Ivan “You will lose”
Warlock: Heed the warning.
*A confident Apollo begins dancing around. Apollo sticks and moves until Drago makes his move. He starts pounding the piss out of Apollo, bloodying his face. The bell rings and Apollo is a mess. Duke gets in there and yells at the Russians that its an exhibition. Apollo tells Rocky not to stop the fight no matter what*
Neyz: Oh no….
*Round 2 begins with Apollo trying to stick and movie but Drago corners him and mauls him. Mary-Anne shouts to stop the fight. Duke says to stop the fight bur Rocky doesn’t budge. Instead of throwing in the towel, he drops the towel. A giant left hook drops Creed and the ref calls for the ball*
Neyz: He left him for dead.
*Everyone jumps in the ring. Rocky tries to pick Apollo up as Drago calls himself the best and he wants to fight a real champion. Rocky and Duke try to call for an ambulance. Drago “If he dies….he dies.”
Neyz: What a dick!
*Creed dies in Rocky’s arms who stares a hole in Drago. Next frame is at Apollo’s funeral. Rocky gives a hell of a speech wearing aviator shades. He says he understands why Apollo did things his way. Rocky “I’ll never forget you Apollo” He places Apollo’s title belt on the grave*
Warlock: What a tear-jerker.
*A publishing montage shows Rocky giving up the world title to fight Drago. Koloff says Rocky is physically incapable of beating him. Rocky says this won’t be a prize fight. Its on Christmas Day in Russia. Ludmilla says its in Russia because she and Ivan have been getting death threats. Koloff goes on an anti-American rant, dissing the country and Rocky. Meanwhile Adrian gets harassed by a throng of reporters outside the mansion*
Neyz: Let her breathe god dammit.
*Rocky drives home and Adrian is waiting for him. He explains he’s going to train in Russia. Adrian tries to talk him out of it but Rocky says he can’t change, he is what he is. Adrian screams “You can’t win!”
*Rocky says the only way Drago will kill him is if he’s willing to die himself*
Warlock: That’s a little too intense…..
*We get a nice juicy montage set to the tune of Robert Tepper’s “No Easy Way Out” as Rocky drives his Lamborghini, thinking about the past*
Neyz: I love the frolicking in the water.
*Paulie and Rocky prepare to leave for Russia. Paulie gets an earful from the Robot and says he’s going to have her wires tied when he gets back. Rocky tells his son that being scared is part of the game. He says the winner will be the one who’s willing to go that extra mile.He says Rocky Jr is the best boy in the world and he leaves with Paulie*
*Rocky, Paulie and Duke land in Russia with the song “Burning Hearts* by Survivor. The driver (Jack Carpenter) tells Paulie to get used to the weather. Paulie “You trying to grow reindeer out here?”
*Paulie goes on a rant and gets stuck in the snow*
*Duke defeats one of the chaperones in an epic game of chess with Alvin and the Chipmunks signing a tune. Duke and Rocky share bonding moments. Duke says Apollo was like his son and when he died, a part of him died too. He says Rocky will go through hell worse than any nightmare, but he knows Rocky will be the one left standing”
Neyz: Apollo was ready for blood, what can Rocky do?
Warlock: No, he took it as an exhibition. Rocky is going to be ready for blood.
*We get another montage over some 80’s stock music of Rocky training using natural elements while Drago is monitored in a gym with sensors all over him*
Neyz: Ludmilla is looking at Ivan like “I’m gonna get some ass tonight”
*Rocky runs back to his cabin and Adrian is there waiting for him*
Neyz: Well look who decided to show up!
*Adrian “I’m with you no matter what.”
Neyz: Don’t say that.
Warlock: Wait..wait…if she’s there, who’s with the kid?
Neyz: The robot!
*Yet another training montage only this one is to “Heart’s on Fire” by John Cafferty*
Warlock: *sings along* Heart’s on fireeeeeeeee
*During the montage, its revealed Drago is on steroids*
Neyz: So THAT’S how he’s so strong and that’s why he’s training in Russia.
Warlock: Duh….nobody is THAT naturally strong to cause 1,850 pounds of pressure per punch.
*Rocky runs up a hill but Neyz spots something*
Neyz: Hey look, there’s footprints already going up the hill. This must have been one of the later takes.
Warlock: Eagle eye! Good call.
*Rocky makes it to the top of a mountain, raises his arms and screams Drago*
Neyz: Since when did he climb Mount Everest?
Warlock: The Philadelphia Art Museum was unavailable.
Neyz: He’s gonna cause an avalanche.
*Next scene is fight night. Rocky gets tapes up and he’s wearing Apollo’s trunks. The crowd chants Drago*
Warlock: Not him!
*Rocky puts his head on a sink*
Neyz: This is no time for sleep.
Warlock: He’s praying you fool.
*Koloff sits with the Russian consolate*
Warlock: Hey Gorbachev!!
*Rocky, Adrian, Tony and Paulie make their way to the ring. Paulie says he may say and do stupid things but he wishes he could be like him. He kisses his cheek*
Neyz: Awww he loves him
*Paulie:”Now blast this guy’s teeth out”
Warlock: That’s more like it.
*The crowd boos Rocky’s entrance as he is unaffected. Drago enters to slow motion stock music. The Soviet National anthem plays as a giant painting of Ivan Drago is raised*
Neyz: I wonder if Dolph Lungren has that picture on his bedroom wall.
Warlock: Hahahaha, its 30 feet high.
*Rocky is introduced. A dude in the crowd “sukazin”
Warlock: Heh, he called him a sonovabitch in Russian
Neyz: How would you know?
Warlock: Trust me.
*Ivan Drago is introduced, crowd cheers*
Neyz: The fat lady couldn’t get out of her seat fast enough.
*Rocky and Drago go nose to nose. Ivan “I must break you.”
Warlock: *imitates perfectly* I must break you.
Neyz: How did you do that?
*Paulie: You know what I said about wanting to be you? *He looks at Drago* Forget it. Rocky: Thanks Paulie*
Warlock: Hahahaha good ol Paulie.
*Round 1 begins and Drago beats him from pillar to post. Rocky fights back but Drago sends him down with a thunderous blow*
Neyz: That should have killed him.
Rocky: Yeah, it should have.
*Rocky gets up at the count of 8 and Drago continues the punishment. Rocky is cut over the right eye, Drago doesn’t have any marks on him. Rocky says he sees three of them out there. Paulie “Hit the one in the middle.” Drago’s trainer yells at him for not knocking him out yet*
Warlock: Wow, what gratitude.
*Balboa gets rocked and rolled in the second round. He’s thrown down and knocked down but Rocky cuts him with a thunderous right hook that has Ludmilla on her feet. Rocky lands a series of blows at the bell but Drago hits him after the bell and Rocky takes him down like a wrestler. In the corner Duke says “You cut him! You hurt him! Ya see, he’s not a machine! He’s a man!” Ivan “He’s not human….He’s like a piece of iron!”
Warlock: My favorite line
*Another montage with stock footage only this goes from round’s 3 to 14 as the politburo, Ludmilla, the trainer and Koloff grow increasingly concerned and the crowd turns in Rocky’s favor*
Warlock: Great cinematography here. A slow buildup of Rocky’s comeback, winning over the crowd and Drago’s demise.
*The crowd chants Rocky as Gorbachev tells Koloff to talk to Drago, Koloff shoves Rimsky and calls Drago a disgrace. He gets in Ivan’s face and says the crowd is chanting for Rocky and he’s an idiot. Ivan grabs him by throat and drops him into the crowd. He shouts “I fight to win! For me! For me!” Duke “You got to knock him out. You got to punch and punch until you can’t punch no more!”
Warlock: Once again, great dialogue.
*They touch gloves at the start of the 15th. Drago “To the end”
Neyz: So is that respect?
*Rocky gets rocked early in the round, Rocky rallies in the middle of it and lands blows upstairs and downstairs. They cream each other until Rocky gets the upper hand. Adrian stands and screams “You’re gonna do it!”
Warlock: Oh god that was soooo cheesy.
*Rocky knocks out Drago and wins the fight. Someone drapes an American flag over him as the crowd goes wild. Gorbachev stares a hole in Koloff. Adrian hugs Rocky as its time for a speech. Rocky “I came here tonight and I didn’t know what to expect. I seen a lot of people hatin’ me and I didn’t know what to feel about that. So I guess I didn’t like you much neither. During this fight, I seen a lot of changing. The way you felt about me and the way I felt about you. In here were two guys killing each other, but I guess that’s better than 20 million. So what I’m trying to say is, that if I can change and you can change, everybody can change.”
Warlock: Pretty much the running joke was Rocky ended the Cold War.
Warlock: Yeah, the Soviet republic fell not too many years after.
*End credits to “Heart’s on Fire”
Neyz: I’m gonna get this damn song stuck in my head.
Neyzor Blades assessment: I give it an 8 out of 10, great story
Warlock’s assessment: I give it an 8.5 out of 10, little cliche and too many montages, but still great.
Final Grade: 8 out of 10: Brilliant
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Well that was a happy…happy…happy ending. USA beats the evil, dirty Soviets and pretty much end the cold war right then and there. Well that about wraps up the 4th movie in the series. Next time Neyz and I move on to Rocky 5. Have a pleasant evening.