56. Rocky 2 (1979)

rocky_II

*Opening graphic of the Rocky theme and the name T-H-E W-A-R-L-O-C-K scrolling by. Warlock is in his basement working a red heavy bag. He’s wearing maroon work out shorts, gray t-shirt soaked in sweat, sneakers and red boxing gloves. He stops*

Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock*

*Warlock delivers a crushing right hook then walks upstairs*

Warlock: Tonight’s movie was the highly anticipated sequel to the all-time classic Rocky. This time we’re doing Rocky 2!

*Neyzor Blades is sitting in the recliner wearing standard attire. She folds her arms*

Neyz: Sequels usually aren’t as good.

Warlock: You’re right, unless they switch the story around, which it did.

*Warlock takes his seat on the couch*

Warlock: Ring the bell, its time for Rocky 2……um

*Warlock notices his gloves are still taped*

Warlock: Little help?

Neyz: You moron.

*Neyz hits the play button*

 

*Warlock reads the tag-line*

Warlock: “Rocky struggles in family life after his bout with Apollo Creed, while the embarrassed champ insistently goads him to accept a challenge for a rematch.”

 

*Movie opens with an updated Rocky theme and the name R-O-C-K-Y I-I scrolling by. We begin with the end of the previous movie. Rocky is knocked down in the 14th round, gets cut, goes the distance, yells for Adrian and hugs her*

Warlock: If nothing else, it cut down the run-time.

 

*Opening credits roll with a decent funk rendition of the Rocky theme. Apollo Creed (Carl Weathers) and Rocky Balboa (Sylvester Stallone) are being taken to the hospital*

Neyz: Is this still fight night?

Warlock: Yeah.

 

*Mickey (Burgess Meredith), Paulie (Burt Young) and Adrian (Talia Shire) lead Rocky into the hospital but a throng of reporters stop him. One asks if that was the worst beating he ever took and Paulie answers the reporter is going to get beat worse if he doesn’t leave him alone*

Warlock: Hahahaha

 

*Apollo, his trainer Duke (Tony Burton) and wife Mary-Anne (Sylvia Meals) make their way to confront Rocky. Apollo calls him every name in the book and says he got lucky. He says he wants a rematch and Rocky says he’s officially retired now. Adrian smiles at that*

Warlock: Yeah right.

 

*Mickey “I don’t care what the hell them judges said, this is the man that won the fight!” Apollo gets pissed and said they will fight again*

Neyz: Ohhhhhhhh

 

*Rocky gets his surgery to repair his eye. Once out, Paulie asks for his old job with Gazzo and Rocky says sure*

Warlock: Wow, took him a whole movie.

 

*The nurse kicks Paulie out then asks for Rocky’s autograph*

Warlock: Wow, what an asshole.

 

*Rocky visits Apollo’s room and Rocky asks if Apollo gave him his best effort. Apollo says yes*

Neyz: That’s cool.

 

*Rocky is discharged from the hospital with Adrian. A salesman tries to sign him to a contract. Rocky refuses and the guy says he has brain damage*

Neyz: Heh!

 

*Rocky takes Adrian to the zoo. A tiger walks around*

Warlock: Its the Smittens!

 

*Rocky proposes to Adrian*

Neyz: Awww he’s so cuteeee

Warlock: He got shy, I love it.

 

*Adrian says yes and they kiss*

Neyz: Awwww *claps*

 

*Rocky invites the tiger to his wedding*

Warlock: He can be the bodyguard.

 

*Father Carmine (Paul Micale) marries Rocky and Adrian in the church. Gloria (Jane Marla Robbins) is the maid of honor. Gazzo (Joe Spinell) tries to talk Rocky investing in condominiums.  Rocky says he never uses them*

Warlock: Durrrrr

 

*Rocky carries Adrian through the local street band. He yuks it up with them and asks the leader (Frank Stallone) to sing Two Kinds of Love*

Warlock: There’s his brother again.

 

*Rocky and Adrian share bonding moments as they enter Rocky’s apartment. Rocky kicks Butkus (Butkus Stallone) the dog off the bed and tells him to find another seat*

Neyz: Awww he’s a babies.

 

*Adrian asks if Rocky will ever get tired of her. Rocky says hell no, he’ll never change anything about her*

Warlock: Sappy….so sappy.

 

*Rocky buys a car but Adrian thinks they don’t need one. Adrian asks if Rocky can drive. He says he’ll drive her crazy if she gives him a chance*

Warlock: Hahahaha I’m stealing that line.

 

*Rocky goes on a spending spree. He drives badly to a house and Butkus whines*

Neyz: Heh, even he can’t stand it.

 

*Rocky buys a house impulsively and Adrian is skeptical*

Warlock: 1,500 a year mortgage??? Most apartments rent 1500 a month now.

Neyz: Makes you wanna vomit doesn’t it?

 

*Apollo’s kids run around and play while he reads hate mail. His wife tells him to play with the kids. One letter says “You’re a fake. The fight was a fake, go kill yourself.”  Mary-Anne “Why can’t you ignore it?” Apollo “Are you serious?” He throws the mail around and storms off*

Neyz: That’s fucked up.

 

*Rocky plays stickball with neighborhood kids and waits for Adrian at the hospital. She says yes, she’s pregnant*

Neyz: Wasn’t sure what.

 

*Rocky says the kid is going to have her looks and brains and his power*

Warlock: Knowing their luck, it’ll have his looks and brains and her lack of muscle.

 

*Rocky says the kid isn’t going to hang around street corners getting tattoos*

Warlock: Famous last words.

 

*Rocky’s agent says Smart Deal Toys wants to make a Rocky doll. He’s dressed as Tarzan and Adrian says she looks stupid*

Neyz: Adrian knows what’s up.

 

*Rocky has two girls (Garrie Kelly and Ava Lazar) and he tries to shill Beast Aftershave. Rocky can’t read and he says “smeal mainly”

Neyz: Hahahaha

 

*The director (John Pleshette) cuts and is pissed that Rocky can’t read. They move him to an alternate set. He’s dressed as a boxer and he still can’t read. The director yells at him and Rocky gets mad at him. The director tells him to get out and say he cost him thousands of dollars because they can’t read*

Warlock: There goes his endorsement deals.

 

*Rocky goes to an employment office and the clerk says he won’t be able to get him an office job. He suggests Rocky be a fighter but Rocky says getting punched 500 times a night stings after a while. 3 other guys tell him that since he never graduated high school, he can’t get any other job besides manual labor*

Warlock: The reality of job hunting.

 

*Paulie gets Rocky a job at the meat packing plant he works for. He starts that day*

Neyz: It must smell really bad in there.

 

*Rocky works hard and hauls a bunch of boxes, meat, etc*

Warlock: Goes from fighting for the heavyweight title to being a meat market chump.

 

*More footage of Rocky working in the meat factory that ends with the foreman (Frank McRae) sadly having to tell him he’s been laid off. Foreman says its union rules*

Warlock: Yeah, he would know….Mr. FIST

Neyz: Oh yeahhhhhh

 

*Rocky gives his car away to Paulie without telling him that he’s broke. Paulie says he should be smart and fight again. Paulie asks if Adrian’s giving him trouble.”

Warlock: Look, now Paulie’s the man and Rocky’s the bum.

 

*Rocky works out in the basement and tells Adrian that he got laid off. Rocky says he wants to fight again and Adrian tries to talk him out of it. Adrian is concerned that he may go blind. Rocky says he sees like a beagle*

Warlock: Flyyyyy like a beagleeeeeee

 

*Adrian says she’ll get her old job back at the pet-shop to make ends meet and Rocky is humiliated because he’s supposed to support*

Warlock: I know how that feels.

 

*Rocky takes Butkus to visit Mick. Mick asks if he brought the outer space monster to visit him*

Neyz: Hahaha

 

*Rocky says he wants to fight again. Rocky tries to talk Mick into training him one more time. Mick says he doesn’t have the tools anymore. Rocky says maybe Mick doesn’t have it anymore. Mick slaps him and says “You didn’t see it coming did you? That’s just from a broken down pug like me, what do you think the champ would do?”  Rocky says if he can’t fight anymore, he can be a hired hand. Mick says sure but he’ll look like a fool carrying towels and buckets around.*

Neyz: He’s like a big dope

 

*Apollo wants to fight Balboa again but Duke doesn’t want him to. Apollo is relentless, he asks Duke if he really won. Duke says he got the decision. Apollo slams the table “I won but I didn’t beat him! What are you afraid of?” Duke “Honest?”  Apollo “Yeah, honest.” Duke “He’s all wrong for us, baby. I saw you beat that man like I never saw no man get beat before….and the man kept…coming…AFTER YOU!”

Warlock: The line of the movie right there.

 

*Duke tells Apollo to let it go but Creed can’t. He wants a PR smear campaign that will get Balboa into the ring. The fighters in Mick’s gym all snicker at Rocky when he walks in. A graphic in a newspaper reads Apollo Creed vs The Stallion Chicken*

Neyz: Kinda funny don’t you think?

 

*Mick works with Chico but Chico won’t snarl when he punches. Rocky shows him how its done. Mick tells Johnny (Stuart K Robinson) to empty the spit buckets, Rocky wants to do it. A fighter inside the ring (Eddie “The Animal” Lopez) insults him. Rocky trudges away*

Warlock: Hey that’s Eddie Lopez.

 

*Gazzo walks in the gym and tries to get Rocky to come back to him. Rocky says no and Gazzo leaves peacefully. He points to a picture of Rocky on the wall and says “Remember that guy Rock?”

Neyz: At least he’s nice about it.

 

*Rocky visits Adrian at the pet-store and he helps out. Rocky “Why do cows wear bells? Cause their horns don’t work!”

Neyz: Hahaha

Warlock: That’s so horrible, I love it!

 

*Rocky visits Cuff and Link and turns the tv on. Frank Corrall helped the LA Rams defeat the Tampa Bay Buccs 13-10*

Warlock: The Rams went to the Superbowl in 1979

 

*Apollo Creed on TV calls out Rocky again. He cuts a heel promo to Brent Musberger about how Rocky’s a coward. Mick watches on TV and calls Apollo a lousy bum!*

Warlock: Mick’s on board now.

 

*Rocky explains that he doesn’t want to just get by, he wants good things. Adrian tries to talk Rocky out of fighting Apollo again. Rocky says its all he knows. “You know, I never asked you to stop being a woman. Please, don’t ask me to stop being a man.”

Neyz: Awwwww

Warlock: What a tearjerker.

 

*Mick pounds on Rocky’s door. Rocky answers, Mick “I think we autta knock his block off” Rocky apologizes to Adrian. Rocky to Mick “Let’s do it”

Warlock: Here we go.

 

*Apollo cuts another heel promo at a press conference. He says he took the last fight too lightly and this time he’s going to be even better. Paulie “His lungs he’ll punch out.” Apollo “Now who’s that, Al Capone?” Apollo says he’s going to drop him like a bad habit. The reporter asks what he’s going to do with the money from the fight. Rocky says he’s going to buy Muppet toys for his kid. Apollo wants no clown shots, “Come November you’re mine!*

Warlock: This is the perfect set up.

 

*Mick and Rocky watch footage of the first fight.Mick says southpaws usually suck. Mick says he’s going to train him into being a right handed fighter. Mick “You gotta get speed. We need greasy fast speed!!!”

Warlock: Iconic line.

 

*Mick wants Rocky to chase the chicken for speed. Rocky can’t do it. “I feel like a Kentucky Fried Idiot”

Warlock: Hahahahaha

 

*Paulie is with Mick and Johnny trying to train Rocky. Rocky tells Paulie to tell Adrian to lighten up. He wants Rocky to hit the heavy bag 500 times with his left hand. Meanwhile Apollo is training his ass off*

Warlock: I love the set up. Rocky’s going to have to beat Apollo on his best day.

 

*Meanwhile Rocky trains like absolute garbage. Mick “You’re gonna eat lightning, you’re gonna crap thunder!” Rocky skip ropes badly and then walks away. Meanwhile Adrian is lugging heavy barrels around and it hurts her*

Neyz: Uh oh.

 

*Rocky gets beat up by the sparring partner (Roberto Duran) and Mick knows there’s something on his mind. Paulie knows something is wrong and Rocky asks if he wants Paulie to be in the corner. Paulie blames Adrian and he walks away*

Warlock: Heh, that’s Roberto Duran. He’s arguably the greatest lightweight fighter ever.

 

*Rocky goes to leave and Mick tells him to carry the spit bucket because he liked him better then. He says he’s training like crap and Rocky better get his head on straight. Paulie then storms into the pet-shop and berates Adrian. Adrian fights back and then goes into labor*

Warlock: Call a doctor you fool!

 

*Mick confronts Rocky in the back. Mick says Rocky is training like a damn bum. Rocky says he doesn’t have it anymore. Mick calls him a bum and tells him he’s too old to train a loser like him. All of a sudden Johnny walks in and says his wife is sick. Rocky runs off. Rocky and Paulie are at the hospital. Dr Cooper (Rutanya Alda) tells him the baby was fine even though it was a month premature. Unfortunately Adrian slipped into a coma*

Neyz: Oh my god, what the fuck??

 

*An emotional Rocky cries saying he’ll be there when she wakes up. Paulie tries to pull him away and go see his son Rocky Jr (Seargeoh Stallone). Next frame the nurse tries to kick him and Paulie out. Rocky doesn’t want to leave. He asks where the chapel is. Rocky sits in a pew in the chapel and Mick comes to visit him. Mick says its 3 Am in the morning*

Warlock: 3 AM in da mornin…put my key in the door in.

Neyz: Don’t ruin it!

*Mick tells him he’s got another shot at the biggest title in the world. Mick says if he doesn’t train, Creed will murder him. Mick wants him to train as hard as he did the first time. If Rocky’s gonna blow his chance at the title, he’ll blow it with him. Mick prays with Rocky*

Warlock: See he’s not a bad guy.

 

*We get a montage of Rocky, Mick and Paulie visiting Adrian at the hospital. Rocky reads Edgar Rice Burroughs “The Deputy Sheriff of Comanche County” Finally Adrian wakes up. They bring in Rocky Jr and Rocky loves it. Rocky tells Adrian that if she wants him to call off the fight, he’ll do it. Adrian says one word “Win.”  Mick “What are we waiting for?”

Warlock: I got goosebumps.

 

*We get another montage with Bill Conti’s Going the Distance only this time Rocky trains his ass off. He lifts weights, does sit-ups, one handed pushups and buddy drills with Johnny*

Warlock: Those are a bitch but they work.

 

*Rocky finally catches the chicken. Mick “THAT’S SPEED!” He annihilates a speed bag as Mick says “speed…SPEED…SPEEEEEED!!*

Warlock: Bang!

 

*Rocky puts Rocky Jr in his crib*

Neyz: Awww he looks like a little hedgehog.

 

*Rocky runs through the streets of Philly and 800 school kids run with him. He sprints away from the kids and runs up the Philadelphia Art Museum with a kids version of Gonna Fly Now as the theme. The kids surround him and chant his name*

Neyz: That’s a pretty cool tune.

 

*Apollo ponders the fight with Rocky. He looks at a picture of him as Rocky lays with Adrian pondering as well. Apollo crumples the picture up*

Neyz: He’sripped too.

Warlock: He used to be a pro football player.

 

*Bill Baldwin and Stu Nahan (themselves) commentate the re-match. Rocky says goodbye to Adrian and the kid then makes his way to the fight*

Warlock: In real life Talia Shire was filming another movie so she didn’t have time to film scenes at the fight, that’s why she’s at home with Paulie here.

 

*Rocky drives to Father Carmine’s parish and wants a quick prayer of luck and health before he fights*

Warlock: Yeah imagine this in real life.

 

*Mick yells at Rocky who’s late. Eventually Rocky gets dressed. He’s wearing a gold robe this time. Black trunks with gold trim with red gloves. Apollo is wearing red trunks with a white stripe. They shake hands with referee Lou Fillipo (himself)*

Warlock: He’s wearing Rocky’s trunks from the first fight poster.

 

*Rocky “Its Apollo.” Mick “What did you expect?” Rocky “I was hoping he wouldn’t show.”

Warlock: Haha.

 

*The announcer (Jeff Temkin) announces Balboa and Creed. Apollo tells Rocky he’s going down. Al Silvani (himself) looks on as Rocky’s cutman*

Neyz: What a difference a year makes.

 

*Mick says Creed will go for the kill early, protect the eye, get through the first round and he’s theirs. The bell rings and Creed plasters Rocky from pillar to post. The announcers are wondering why Rocky is fighting right handed*

Neyz: Why is he getting creamed?

Warlock: He doesn’t block.

Neyz: Why not?

Warlock: I have no idea, guess that’s the character.

 

*Balboa gets knocked down as his wife cheers on. Rocky gets up and his right eye is cut. After the bell rings, Balboa sits down and says Apollo broke his nose again. Mick “You’re a greasy fast, 200 pound Italian tank. Run over em!”

Warlock: Great advice.

 

*Round 2 begins with Creed once again beating the piss out of Rocky. He taunts him and then drops him with a combination. Gazzo sitting ringside tells Rocky to get up. The crowd boos Creed but Rocky gets to his feet. Finally rocky pounds away at Creed in the corner but the bell rings*

Warlock: Here comes the montage.

 

*Round 3 begins with Creed tagging Rocky. The bell rings. Round 4, more of the same. Round 6 is another round for Creed. Round 8 has Rocky looking like crap and Creed starting to look as bad as him. Rocky wins the round and Mary-Anne looks concerned. Round 10 is back and forth*

Neyz: Hmmm, things are turning Rocky’s way.

 

*Round 11 Apollo blasts Rocky, dazing him into a slow motion haze. Creed wins the round. Round 12 begins with Rocky’s left eye swollen shut. 13 has Rocky swinging and missing wildly. Round 14 has Rocky and Apollo trading blows*

Neyz: How many rounds is this?

Warlock: Back then, 15.

Neyz: What about now?

Warlock: 12.

Neyz: Why?

Warlock: Safety.

 

*Mick wants to stop to fight but Rocky says hell no. Creed says he wants the knockout much to Duke’s chagrin. Creed says he’s going down and Rocky says no way. Duke tells Apollo to stay away from him but Creed’s pride is on the line. Rocky switches to southpaw and pounds the piss out of Creed. They trade blows into the center of the ring. A huge haymaker by Balboa drops both them. A slow-motion count has Rocky beating Creed by one second…..ROCKY WINS THE TITLE!*

Warlock: Rocky wins…Rocky wins…Rocky wins!!!!

Neyz: Holy shit.

 

*Mick and the others climb into the ring as Bill Baldwin proclaims Rocky the new heavyweight champion of the world. Gazzo hugs his girlfriend at ringside. Rocky grabs the mic. “I just want to say thanks to Apollo. I wanna thank Mickey for training me. Except for my kid being born, this is the greatest night in the history of my life. I just wanna say one thing to my wife at home, YO ADRIAN I DID IT!!”

Neyz: I can’t handle it.

 

*End credits*

Neyz: Yayyyy…awwww…

 

Neyzor Blades assessment: 10 out of 10, perfect.

Warlock: I give it a 8 out of 10. This was more of a soap opera than it as an action/boxing movie like the first. Still great, but not as epic as the first.

Final Grade – 9 out of 10, Outstanding

 

*Warlock rises from the couch*

Warlock: With the release of CREED in theaters, its always nice to see the movies that led up to Creed. While this wasn’t the epic classic the first movie was, it was great in its own way. Well that about wraps up the second movie…..YO NEYZOR BLADES, WE DID ITT!!!!!!!

*Warlock raises his arms in glory*

Neyz: Oh stop it.

Warlock: Have a pleasant evening.

 

 

 

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