*The Warlock opens the door to his lair. He’s dressed as Smoke from Mortal Kombat*
Warlock: Welcome to my lair….welcome I don’t think so, but enter. Enter my lair if you dare. I’m your host The Warlock.
*Warlock does a sweep kick followed by a roundhouse before entering the lair*
Warlock: Tonight’s battle will be American Ninja 3, the third movie of a series and the first that Michael Dudikoff will NOT be appearing.*
*Neyzor Blades is sitting in the recliner wearing standard attire with her arms folded*
Neyz: Whatever shall we do? *she rolls her eyes*
Warlock: But who IS appearing? Later on via satellite will be the Grand Master of Martial Arts, Jon Blaze to discuss what we are about to see.
Neyz: He must hate you by now.
*Warlock takes his seat on the couch*
Warlock: That remains to be seen, just like this movie. No more delays, let’s begin American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt.
*Warlock reads the tag-line*
Warlock: “Jackson is back, and now he has a new partner, karate champion Sean, as they must face a deadly terrorist known as “The Cobra”, who has infected Sean with a virus.”
Neyz: Ripping off GI Joe now?
Warlock: Guess Joe Armstrong was abducted by UFO’s.
*Movie opens with a graphic: Los Angeles 1979 at a full contact kickboxing tournament. Sean (Stephen Webber) is part of the cheering crowd*
Warlock: You’re the best….around.
Neyz: Wrong movie.
*The Cobra (Marjoe Gortner). General Andreas (Yehuda Efroni) and a driver prepare for something rotten. Cobra says to make this nice and clean*
Neyz: HOW TO RUIN A MOVIE!
Warlock: “Cobra, I’m starving, why can’t we stop and get something to eat first?”
Neyz: “Yeah good idea, there’s a McDonalds half a mile behind us.”
Warlock: “They turn around. Tournament gets over before Cobra and the hoods return, everyone leaves safely”
Neyz and Warlock: THE END!
*Sean’s father (Eckard Rabe) is in the main event coming up. He’s getting a massage from Izumo (Calvin Jung) before the big fight*
Warlock: I want one.
Neyz: You get nothing.
*Sean leaves his friend to go see his father. Meanwhile a whole gaggle of hoods show up packing m-16’s and other automatic weapons. They infiltrate the building and rob the place.*
Warlock: Robbing a kickboxing tournament?
Neyz: That’s new.
*Sean runs into Andreas and the hoods in front of the dressing room. His father tries to save him but is shot dead by Andreas. Izumo leads Sean out of the way*
Warlock: There’s your revenge plot.
*The hoods make their getaway as Sean looks over his father. A graphic then reads “Japan, 1980” as Izumo trains Sean*
Warlock: In just a year?
*Opening credits are shown with Sean training.*
Warlock: Least it cuts a minute off the run time.
*We’re at the present time and a grown up Sean (David Bradley) trains with an older looking Izumo with actual swords. Finally Izumo holds a ceremony where he initiates Sean as a ninja warrior*
Warlock: Still say Joe is more bad-ass.
*Next frame has General Andreas sitting with a group of delegates where Cobra says that terrorism should be scientific instead of sloppy and messy. Everyone leaves and Dr. Holger (Mike Huff) complains to Cobra about Andreas. Cobra tells him to relax, when Andreas outlives his usefulness, they’ll get rid of him*
Warlock: Who needs Sean and Curtis Jackson if they’re going to off each other?
*Next frame Curtis Jackson (Steve James) runs into Sean. They act like long lost buddies and Dexter (Evan J Klisser), Jackson’s travel partner, says Sean was on the cover of Inside Karate*
Neyz: Is there such a thing?
*Dexter makes fun of Joe Simpson (John Barrett) and Sean says he’s tough. Dexter establishes himself as the annoying sidekick.*
Neyz: I hate him already.
*Poster on wall says Karate World Championships at St. Monique. Chan Lee (Michelle B Chan) is there to check everyone out.*
Neyz: Love interest?
*Cobra, Helger and Andreas gladhand each other and Chan will be their spy. Their target is Sean*
Warlock: Usually its the good guy seeking revenge, not the bad guys.
*General Andreas make a speech and say let the games begin*
Warlock: Alright, let’s get some Kumite action down here. I got 20 bucks on Sean.
Neyz: Will you stop?
*Sean fights Joe Simpson first. Some annoying announcer (Mike Stone) gives the play by play.*
Warlock: We can do without the running commentary.
*Sean beats Simpson with a spin kick. Chan looks on. Next frame Dexter hits on some chicks with Curtis and Sean*
Warlock: Big pimping.
*Sean witnesses a kidnapping while Jackson hits on a woman. He takes off after a hearse in a cab. The driver (Ashley Waldoff) has no objections*
Warlock: Well that was easy.
*Sean stumbles upon a hotel and asks the concierge here the hoods went. The dude tells him upstairs on the right. Sean walks in and its Izumo meditating. Sean asks what’s going on and he’s ambushed by two black ninjas. Sean beats them both up but falls down the stairs in the process. Izumo cries out for help as two other ninjas lead Izumo away. Sean catches up with them and wipes them out as well. Izumo tells Sean “This way” as more ninjas lead Izumo away*
Warlock: Something isn’t right here.
*Sean runs to the docks where he’s ambushed by ninjas and tackled into the ocean*
Warlock: Look out for ninja Jaws down there.
*A shark swims by*
Warlock: Wow, was NOT expecting that.
*Sean wipes out the ninjas with a double underwater punch*
Neyz: What? I don’t buy it.
*Sean runs back to Jackson soaking wet while another ninja looks on. He tells Jackson that Izumo was his master and he’s a ninja. Jackson believes him but Dexter doesn’t. Sean doesn’t want to get them involved but Jackson, no stranger to ninjas, assures him he’s got his back. Dexter asks about the tournament. Sean “To me, Izumo is more important*
Warlock: Aww isn’t that sweet.
*Chan Lee dressed as a ninja reports back to Holger and Cobra that the “Izumo disguise” worked but they were unsuccessful in capturing him*
Warlock: I knew it!
*Dexter, Curtis and Sean walk the streets and Dexter wants to have a night on the town. Sean stops them because of a feeling and sure enough, ninjas show up. Jackson “Well, got no choice.”
Warlock: Oh boy, 3 on 3 combat!
*Sean, Dexter and Jackson showcase fighting skills by beating up the ninjas. Jackson “I thought I stopped doing this when I left Joe back in the army.”
Warlock: Haha, least we know where Joe is.
*Dexter spots 3 ninjas running away and the trio take off in hot pursuit. They stumble upon East Bay Laboratories and Sean smells a rat. Jackson and Sean figure out they’ve been lured there for some reason*
Warlock: I like the soundtrack and I like the fact these guys are no fools.
*Sean walks into a mansion and asks a receptionist where to find the Minister of Interior (Grant Preston). His secretary (Adrienne Pierce) greets him and tells him there’s no record of Izumo in the country. Sean says he has reason to believe he’s being held at the East Bay Labs. The secretary says Dr. Saxson *Cobra* is testing out groundbreaking chemicals. Finally the Minister walks in and tells the secretary to bring the file on the East Bay Labs. Secretary subtlety tells him to beat it.*
Warlock: The fix is in.
*Chan Lee spies on Jackson, Dexter and Sean relaxing at the beach. Sean laments the fact he didn’t get any answers. Jackson says to go to the local police. Sean says they need a more aggressive approach. Jackson says he’ll go anyway. Next frame Jackson marches into the police station and asks a sergeant (Thapello Mofoking) to see the Captain (Alan Swerdlow) who scoffs at Jackson. Curtis says Izumo is held at Easy Bay Labs and the Captain says they’re business is drugs, not trouble. Jackson asks if that’s the case, what’s with the high security. Captain says to protect the drugs from thieves and prying eyes. Jackson suspects the Captain is on the take without actually saying so.*
Neyz: Why is it in every one of these movies the police are corrupt?
Warlock: How else do these drug lords get away with what they do?
*Holger, the Minister, his secretary, Andreas and others attend a conference by Cobra about a demonstration he’s going to run. Andreas wants results now. Cobra tells him to relax and Andreas drives off. Chan Lee says she can’t figure out why she can’t get Sean. Cobra assures her everything will be alright.*
Warlock: That’s the friendliest evil boss ever. Usually he’d be smacking his men and her around demanding results.
Neyz: Yeah, and that hardly works.
*Sean, Dexter and Jackson say its time to infiltrate East Bay Labs. Dexter picks a lock on a shed. Dexter and Sean pilot motor gliders as Jackson follows in the truck on the ground. Sean says once they get there, he’s going after Izumo. Dexter will get Jackson in the compound*
Warlock: Sounds like a plan.
*Dexter’s fuel line bursts and he damn near crashes. Sean talks him into landing on the back of the truck because he’ll never make it to the Labs. Eventually Dexter lands safely on Jackson’s truck. Sean goes on ahead*
Neyz: Well so much for that plan.
*Sean makes it to the Lab’s rooftop undetected somehow. He takes out a guard as the truck with Jackson and Dexter pulls up.*
Neyz: The final showdown!
Warlock: Can’t be, the movie’s only half over.
*Sean stumbles upon the ninja training ground. Chan Lee is the master.*
Warlock: At least they switched it up and had a woman as the master.
*Chan Lee beats up a bunch of her own men.*
Warlock: That’s 3 movies in a row that had this kind of scene. Its nice to showcase why the master is the master, but its a bit redundant to do it every time.
*Jackson and Dexter pull up. Sean infiltrates the building, wipes out one guard and fights another. A gaggle of ninjas get off the elevator and Sean tries to fight them all off singlehandedly but is subdued and captured.
Warlock: Least this movie is realistic so far. No 9 foot backward jumps and the guy got captured.
*Cobra walks up to Sean and reveals his master plan. The tournament was designed to lure the best fighter to the Labs. It just happened to be Sean. He wants Sean to be the guinea pig for his revolutionary drugs. Meanwhile outside Jackson and Dexter says to wait for Sean’s signal*
*Sean meditates while Chan Lee watches from outside his cell. They finally speak and Chan tells him she’s actually here to help and asks how many others know about him. He says Dexter, Jackson, the Minister, the police. Chan says she’s going to find out what’s going on.*
Warlock: ITS A TRAP!
*Cobra calls the Minister’s Secretary in and she says the Minister is suspicious of Cobra’s methods. The secretary says General Andreas has been seen with him and he’s an Interpol wanted terrorist. Cobra poo-poo’s the notion he’s a terrorist. He asks what the Secretary wants and she subtlety says more money. Cobra smiles and says she’s on the payroll. She walks out and Holger walks in. Cobra says “Relieve her of an ailment” Holger “I’ll see to it myself.”
Warlock: Bye bye baby.
*Jackson and Dexter spots the Secretary’s car and ask what she’s doing here. Secretary spots the car tailing her and it tries to run her off the road, failing miserably. Suddenly the Secretary’s driver rams Holger into the side of a building, where the engine explodes. Holger and his ninja partner get away before the car completely explodes. Secretary then pulls off her mask off revealing herself to be Chan Lee*
*Meanwhile Sean is about to be injected with Cobra’s drugs. Andreas and Holger walk in and Cobra tells them to prepare for a demo. Outside Dexter and Jackson ponder what to do. Chan Lee shows up and says she’s the only one that can help. She says her ninjas no longer obey her and Jackson says “Let’s talk.”
Warlock: He means “Lets fuck.”
Neyz: He does NOT!
*Cobra injects Sean with the experimental serum. Chan tells Dexter that Andreas is just a pawn for Cobra. Jackson says “Let’s go kick some ass.” Chan says Sean will be taken to a ship so they have to hit up the docks. Chan, Jackson and Dexter storm the boat Sean is being transferred to and wipe out the guards. More ninjas attack and are dispatched. Jackson calls one of the ninjas a jerk*
*Jackson, Dexter and Chan run up to Sean on a couch and Andreas confronts them with an AK-47*
Neyz: Walked right into that one.
Neyz: Oh stop it.
*Sean struggles to his feet and kicks the gun out of his hand. He then unloads almost the whole clip into Andreas as revenge for his father*
Warlock: That was cool.
*Chan says he needs the anti-virus, Sean says there’s no time, they have to rescue Izumo. Chan says it was her all along. Jackson says time to go.*
Warlock: Yes, let’s get on with this. 20 minutes to go.
*Dexter asks Sean how Chan can imitate people so easily, Sean explains its because of ninjitsu*
Warlock: A little far-fetched but no matter.
*Chan disguised as Secretary wipes out a bunch of guards, outside Jackson disguised as her driver laughs. Sean says to Dexter if all else fails, kill him so the virus doesn’t spread. Dexter says yeah sure.*
Warlock: Considering there are two more American Ninja movies, its safe to assume he doesn’t die here.
Warlock: Well one….the 5th doesn’t really count.
*Chan wipes out a few more blue ninjas as the trio storm the Labs, wiping out all the guards. The car alarm goes off*
*Holger and Cobra convene. Holger reports that Andreas is dead and Sean has escaped. Cobra says to get Chan Lee and Holger says SHE’S the one that helped him escape. Cobra calls him a stupid, incompetent idiot. He tells Holger to get the ninjas ready. Chan steals the antidote but is confronted by Cobra. She rips off her disguise and Chan says she didn’t agree to work for evil. Chan calls him a snake when Holger shows up and shoots her dead*
Warlock: *Fake death* ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh
*A really tough ninja (Robn Meeks) gives Sean a run for his money but is dispatched with the help of Dexter*
Neyz: So wait, who’s going to be the final fight? All the heels left are corporate suits?
Warlock: Just wait.
*Jackson takes out a group of ninjas in a sword fight. The last one doesn’t fall quickly so Jackson shouts at him “Die!!” and he falls*
*Cobra hands Holger the antidote and says to get out of there. Meanwhile two archers ambush Dexter and Sean, killing Dexter with an arrow to the chest. Sean “Alright Cobra, your turn to die!”
Warlock: Wow, the first movie where the babyfaces suffer casualties.
*Jackson snatches Holger and Holger says he’s holding the antidote. Jackson grabs it and tells Holger to get lost. Holger shoots at him but misses. Jackson pops up and kicks the crap out of him before snapping his neck*
Warlock: One down, one to go.
*Cobra prepares to drive away but Police Captain, the Minister and the local police show up and attack the ninjas. Sean dressed in full ninja gear finds Chan Lee’s body. He unmasks as Cobra appears. Sean says Cobra won’t get away with it and Sean collapses. Cobra opens a cabinet as Izumo’s words bring Sean back to life*
Neyz: He looks like he’s about to transform into the Hulk!
*A group of ninjas appear out of nowhere and Sean wipes them all out singlehandedly. He and Cobra battle one on one but its no contest*
Warlock: So much for the final fight.
*Jackson hands the antidote to Sean and he casually tosses it down, says he doesn’t need it. Jackson scoffs and says he went through a lot of trouble getting it. Suddenly Cobra pops up and Sean slow motion spin kicks him, breaking his jaw and sending him into his own drugs.*
Warlock: That’s more like it.
*Jackson walks away with Sean and says if they’re going to be friends, they need other people to battle. He’s sick of ninjas. The end credits roll with Minister outside watching the police battle the rest of the ninjas.
Neyzor Blades assessment: That was more realistic than the others but still dumb. 4 out of 10
Warlock’s assessment: I agree, much more realistic. The soundtrack was great even if it got repetitive and the storyline was easier to follow. Its a shame Joe wasn’t in it, but I liked the movie. 6 out of 10
Final Grade: 5 out of 10 – Average
*Warlock rises from the couch*
Warlock: Well that was pleasant. It was a nice change of pace for the ninja master to be on the babyface side, even if she did get blown away in the end. Still, the movie was dirty, messy and grimier than the previous and that gives it its own charm. I actually recommend this one, barely. Now joining us live, via satellite, is the world famous martial arts master Jon Blaze. Jon can you hear me?
*The DVD menu fades and Jon Blaxe appears on screen dressed as Sean from the movie, sitting cross legged and sipping tea*
Blaze: Yes Warlock, thanks for having me.
Warlock: What do you think of the transition from Michael Dudikoff to David Bradley?
Blaze: It was an interesting change of pace. A similar yet different fighting style is always welcome in a secret series. After all, Ken and Ryu may fight similar but they dont have the same heart and brain.
Neyz: Who are they?
*Both Warlock and Blaze look at her stunned*
Warlock: Moving on….as a franchise, you could see the ball beginning to drop. Was a 4th movie really necessary?
Blaze: No, but it show us the whereabouts of Joe. You’ll just have to see it to find out.
Warlock: Like Scorpion and Sub Zero joining forces huh?
Blaze: Exactly my friend.
*Warlock and Blaze turn and look at her stunned again. Blaze shuts himself off*
Neyz: What? What I say?
Warlock:…good grief. Have a pleasant evening.